Original subtitles

First Letter

Committee for Culture & Art

Cinematography division

Letter No. 1365

11.10.1967

VERY URGENT!

To the director of the film studio.

With reference to the studio's

fulfillment of the production plan

and the recently completed film

"Whale".

In the unanimous opinion of

the Committee of Culture and Art,

the director is assigned the

following outstanding corrections

without which the film

CANNOT (underlined), be allowed onto the screen.

1. The scene with the captain's mother

is to be shortened.

2. All bleating and mooing is to be removed,

as it is highly crude and naturalistic.

3. Cut the line about Khan Asparukh.

4. Shorten the vulgar scene in the head office.

5. Shorten the tasteless showing of

female road (flesh) in the phone box.

6. Cut the lines about Elisaveta, Gagarin.

And every hint of comparison between

socialism and capitalism.

7. Shorten the parody singing of the national anthem.

8. Cut the line by Dimitur Panov "I overthrow imperialism".

9. The female Komsomol secretary's role

is to be reduced as much as possible.

That's a pity.

10. The final speech by Parushev is to be wholly revised.

The director of production should immediately start working on

the corrections.

Signed: Head of cinematography [confidential]

Second Letter

VERY URGENT!

To the director of the film studio.

Corrections to be made on the film "Whale":

1. Shorten Parushev's speech on TV played by Kaloyanchev.

Applies only for frames in which Kaloyanchev's head is shown on TV.

2. Shorten Kalchev's speech in front of

the portrait of Parushev.

Head of the Division, Karakashev.

December 1967, Sofia

BULGARIAN MOVIE STUDIOS presents

"Whale"

Written by: Cheremukhin

Director of photography: Emil Vagenstein

Production Design: lskra Licheva

Music by: Alanas Boyadzhiev

Sound: Kouzman Shopov

Song lyrics: Plamen Tsonev

Editing: Anna Radicheva

Assistant Director: Mikhail Lazarov

Starring:

Georgi Naumov, Ljubomir Kiselichki

Nadia Topalova, Kremena Trendafilova

Renata Kiselichka, Georgi Popov, Nikola Dinev

Naicho Petrov Evstati Statev

Also Starring: Grigor Vachkov Stoyanka Mutafova

Tsvyatko Nikolov

Georgi Partsalev

Dimitar Panov

and Georgi Kaloyanchev

Directed by: Peter B. Vasilev

40 days and nights the fishing boat "Odyssey"

has battled against the ocean storms

and come out empty-handed.

Like an old warehouse manager

the sea wouldn't give out a single fish

and the Odyssey couldn't fulfill The Plan!!!

But... on the 41st day...

Come on... come on... Hupl Hupl

Come on... come on... Hupl Hupl

Watch it!

Pull! Pull it, you chuckle-head! Careful... Easy.

Give it here!

Yes... 5th century!

BC or AD? - Doesn't matter. It's unique.

All the cracked artists and writers in Sofia go nuts for it.

One cinema guy even wants to take pictures with me!

With you? - Yep.

With her?!? - With her.

Stop it!

Oh my"-

Now watch me!

(Bulgarian Artists Union - souvenirs) BAU - what is it?

Huh, what is it? SOS? I can't read it.

1967?!

When even the sea lies, all's lost!

Shut the fuck up!

The bastards are biting...

Come on...

It's OK...

Fish! - Where?I... Fish?I... Where?

Small as beads, but still fish!

One! - One but it's fish!

It's fish but it's a sprat! - It's a sprat but it's fish!

It's fish but it's a sprat! - It's a sprat but it's fish!

It's fish but it's a sprat!

However, this is a victory! Comrades! Fish!

Fish!

And what'll we report? Catching a sprat?

We'll report we have caught honing.

What's wrong with that?

Have we been asleep, or drunk, or chasing skirts?

We should've done that at least...

40 days and nights we fought the seal

Right? - Right!

Mikhail, please sit down. - Thanks.

It's just like that. No other way. We'll catch sprat 'til we land.

Put the fish away! Put it away!

Where? - In the captain's quarters!

0k.

Mikhail, gimme a cigarette!

I have only you, my friend... my dear old heart.

Only you will not betray me!

And even if you are poor and have suffered...

Just be like me, my dear old heart!

Don't be afflicted! Please, don't you cry!

Don't flood your heart with tears.

And please don't you cry and don't you suffer!

Just for one certain woman... in the world!

Don't be afflicted! Please, don't you cry!

Don't flood your heart with tears.

Do not cry, please, and don't you suffer!

Just for one certain woman... in the world!

Fish! Fish! It's begun! There's no mistake!

FISH DOCKS

Look what I have here! - What?

Look here!

What is it?

It's a coat... - What coat?I

A fur coat. Have not you seen? - I've seen.

Then hold now.

Moment... - Please!

Like it?

Well...

Very nice coat! - Oh, yes.

I don't like the cut. - The cut?I

It's the height of fashion!

How much is it? - 300...

How much?! - 300...

You know what. I don't like the colour. And it's shaggy.

So I should return it then?

There's no other way.

No way? You mean there's "no way" for me!

Well, if there's "no way", I'll find some myself...

Wait, let me explain! - Nothing to wait for!

I'm asking you, please...! - Don't you shout at me!

Go back to your wife and shout at her I

Mitkov, from internal loans? - Yes.

Mitkov. I'm asking, please, brother, give me 300 bucks.

What?! You're nuts!

For medicine.

What? - Western medicine.

What, again? - Yes. Again.

No choice. Someone's sick at home.

Don't you dare to spend it on whores! - No, no.

I swear. Uh? Is it ready?

We'll meet up later, right?

Did you see?I

Nothing! That was just the telephone!

Come in!

Watch it! You'll maim me.

Sorry. Fish! Comrade director, fish!

Heard, heard! - 30 kilos of sprat!

30 kilos of sprat? Big deal!

It's sprat, but it's still fish!

Sprat won't fulfill The Plan!

When there's nothing else, sprat's still fish!

"2696..."

"30 kilos approx. Sprat."

Hm. Approx. Everything we do is "approx."

Captain Perchekliyski.

Are they at least big?

Probably. Dunno.

What do you know besides chasing girls?

Go ask!

My head's on fire... and he's... just standing!

Comrade director, they're big. Big!

Yeeeah. - It's big!

Well. Big or small, it's still sprat.

What do we report to comrade Petrov? Got only 30 kg. sprat, is that it?

With no fish at all, they'll be glad of sprat!

Huhl Glad! We might even get a bonus!

Well for you, you're a bachelor.

I have my problems too...

If we have to live on our salary alone...l

Big, you say? - Big!

Like mackerels? - Like mackerels!

Yes.

Mackerel, at this time of year? - Fact! Even at this time.

Anything can happen! - Look what happens to me!

'No free enrolment places.

Need connections. Come immediately. Vercheto. '

Yes. I tell her, if she can't get into the Music Academy,

she should find something similar

engineering, or bookkeeping... - Yes, yes.

FISH STORAGE DIRECTOR - Of course.

You're lucky, your kids are still small.

I have different problems.

Don't worry, when yours are grown,

communism will already be built!

Have a seat.

I don't have much time. I'm busy.

So, mackerel, you say? - Yeah, mackerel.

300 kilos. Fact.

We're implementing The Plan, comrade director!

I... er... - Hey, where are you going...

Listen, listen. Get my daughter on the phone! Quickly!

The office one, of course... Don't hurry, wait a minute.

I've got lots of work, comrade Petrov!

Pass me the fish food.

If our kids can't get into college...

Then whose can? A higher-up's?

Mackerel, huh? - Mackerel, Comrade Petrov.

Perfect. There you go!

But isn't it too little, Zankov? The Plan...

The fishing continues. They've found

several thousand tons. Fine mackerel!

We can report 3 tons, then?

We can, the fishermen are reliable guys!

It's massive but we can do ill

Comrade Petrov!

What are you doing here? - Well.. I wanted to...

Tell them to prepare the limo. - Yes, sir!

Mackerel?!

SECURE OFFICE. ENTRY PROHIBITED!

Here, read a while, just for 15 minutes!

Hi. - Yol

Let's light a fag. - We ain't got. We don't sell tobacco.

Let's have a fag. Want one,madame? - Huh, mine, yours... Buzz off!

I don't smoke, merci! - They're American!

Out!

Beaucoup sorry, Madame! - Speedily!

22 years old! What have they taught us?!

Good things? - Yes, good things...

Listen, why did you lie to me?

I would never!

I asked if they were big, you said what?

"Like mackerel!"

I told you because you asked! But I've written "anchovy".

I don't care what you've written...

I care what I've reported to my superior...

and he to his and so on... and so on and so on...

You want to go back to the factory? - Ah, "I want"...

Maybe you want!

Comrade, wait a second. I will fix that.

Get it framed! - Comrade director?

Yes.

I forgive you now, but be careful next time.

It was hard getting you out of there. - I know.

But this stays between us! There shouldn't be any...

Of course!

Come on!

Move over!

Push!

Forwards!

Oh, those bastards! Did you read it? - Hm?

They reported 1000 tons of rock as iron ore!

Where's that? - Somewhere in the Rhodopes.

For money. - For money!

Whatsit happen to the state if everyone starts lying like that?!

They with the ore, I with the fish, you with the petrol...

We'll go bust.

Exactly. And the country is beautiful... Paradise!

That's right.

What a wide field...

Pack of thieves! - That's right.

Mackerel. 30 tons... Or 300 kilos.

Finest Black Sea mackerel!

We've gotten lazy carrying out The Plan! And suddenly... wow! What the...

Why stopping? Turn right now! - Don't throw me that crank!

You'll frighten the donkey! - I'll show you a donkey, you...l

Bastards, get out of the way! I'll beat you with this!

Bay Ganyo's work...

They've dug up the roads when the foreigners are swarming in!

A Plan. - If I had power...

A Plan! - Plan?I Plan, ha...

Mackerel you say? - It's a fact.

What's happening with your daughter? Did you pass her?

Nothing! Now I have to chase... When it's about fish, my phone

rings off the hook, but now... They're hiding... Friends? Bastards!

That's a boss's lot. - It is, but it's not.

If I was in Sofia now, I'd make her not a singer, but I don't know what...

When people told me "Up", I said "No! Down, with the people!“ Carp!

Here's the people for you now!

You're fine here, boss.

In time there'll be big opportunities for you...

Even with little opportunities, if you know how to use them,

you can have a big one.

That's right.

Out of the way!

You!

Take your hat and off with you!

Adieu! There's lots of bosses, but few drivers.

Pff! Damn! What?!

Get out of here!

The Plan for fresh and smoked fish, prawns,

and mussels is not implemented.

The lack of implementation is due to the

lack of implementation of the overall implementation.

We only implemented The Plan of expenses...

But we over-implemented it significantly. Significantly.

And there is no way out? - None, comrade director.

10 days ago they told me... - What?

If I don't implement The Plan I should get my hat

and go back to the hat shop! - Indeed?!

Comrade director!

Victory! Victory over the seal

Bonito! Big! Belted bonito, director!

Big fish! Ever seen one, director?

Not a fish, but a monster! See? Bonito and 3/4!

Don't believe the photo?

Believe the document! Signed from Zankov!

Unbelievable!

I swear, belted bonito, 100% true.

You might say it's out of the season.

But what is the season? Just a notion. While the bonito's a fact.

The people are even saying that in some year in the past...

they caught river carp 220 miles from the coast!

River carp in salt water...

Hey! We've drunk everything. - Well, a whim of the sea...

My aunt called looking for fish.

If your aunt wants fish, there's the sea... I'm no fisherman!

Bring more drink!

It's signed from Zankov! Personally!

I believe! A chief, who doesn't believe his subordinates,

should get lost... - Right!

Here's to victory. Congratulations! - Congratulations!

Nice, eh? Bonito. - 3 tons! 3 tons!

Right on time, but... - We can even salt it...

Pass the dictionary D for Dolphin.

The big one?

It's missing. Must have pinched it.

But it's only bonito.

The bosses want big results, don't they?

Couldn't something bigger be in the mix?

It couldn't, really, comrade director!

At least the bonito is big, right?

If it's that big, it's nearly dolphin-sized...

Bonito, bonito, it's bonito! - But...

Well, if it can't be, it can't be.

Can't these people catch anything bigger?!

Only munching all the time... - Belted bonito!

Comrade director... it's enough for now.

With such employees I'll fulfill and surpass The Plan!

Petrov, call the main engineer.

Bonito! I'm going.

I've fought bears, and he can hit the road!

Hit the road all right!

You think you can teach me how to catch fish in turbid waters?

I have a whole set of fishing rods!

Ok, I've been a hatter... But who are you then?I

I, Kalcho Kalchev, am telling you your time's almost up!

A dolphin! Big as a Spanish whale!

Icelandic. But that's not important.

Obviously it's different. - Yes, of course.

A whale!

A dolphin isn't a whale! We may not know fishes, but whales...

We report a whale. - No, a big dolphin!

0k, we say whale and mean huge dolphin.

Which is a small whale, got it?

Got it. How many kilos should it be?

Who cares? - Of course. It's not sprat, after all.

What matters is it's a whale!

Can't you see what perspectives it opens

for the workforce and the fatherland!

Explosive news! - Uh?

The Atom Bomb?!

Atom... The Atom Bomb!

Where the hell? - The bosses are gone.

So I'm looking for someone to save us.

There's nothing scary out there... Run!

Where's Parushev? - Why?

Such news and he's out! - What news?

Scary news! A whale! In the Black Sea!

What about the bomb?

A whale! The Odyssey caught a whale! - We heard it's a bomb!

Come on! - Cut the come ons... there's a whale!

Whatsit we do? - Let's show it at funfairs!

IMPLEMENTED PLAN - FULL WALLET!

What's this anarchy?!

Hooray, a whale!

What whale?! - In the circus "Goliath".

Here is the cable from Kalchev.

You should have informed me earlier, instead of hearing it by chancel

Just a minute.

We should tell the boss.

Who do you think I am?I

And you lot! Don't you have work to do or you want to be fired?I

Well... We just wanted to please you. - We worked ourselves to exhaustion!

The whole organization relies on you!

Now, first we must inform the minister that

the whale was caught on our watch!

First we must inform Parushev!

You're a bit forgetful. Let me have it. - Uh, no!

The common good is the priority!

When Parushev turns up, we'll tell him.

But now we tell the masses!

To the right!

Where you going?! - Stop. Stop.

Quick! Sea animal. 5 letters, starts with a "W".

Boss?... "Whelk"? A whelk?

Huh, doesn't fit...

Tell me, where's the Parushev's villa?

Over there. - Thanks.

No, wait, wait! That one there!

They're built a lot round here.

They just copy from each other. And now no pastures for us anymore.

Do you graze or the cow?

Just go away. You'll find him. This is your job after all.

True, a lot of construction around.

How come you don't know? You were working on it for a month!

When I built my villa here it was emptier.

There it is - the red, two-storey one!

Oh, it's WHALE!

Comrade Parushev!

A CLEAN HOME SHOWS A FAMILY'S CULTURE

Comrade Parushev!

Comrade Parushev?

Huh, wait boss. Wait just there.

I was looking for you. He's not here. - I was looking for you too.

Let's go.

Comrade director! - Comrade director!

Comrade director!

Comrade director!

What?! - A whale!

Is that what you're screeching about? You're scaring my fish. I've seen it!

They brought it here!

Why should they? It was on the TV. White.

River fish are the best! Sea fish, meh!

On TV? When did they manage that?

Capitalism is just advertisement. They need only sensations...

Snake!

What capitalists, comrade director?!

Your political education is lacking!

It's in all the papers! - I beg your pardon, comrade director.

I'll show you the whales! Don't show it to me, read ill

WHALE IN THE RHINE

Comrade director? - Now

No fetching way! Now Now Now

Let us explain...

Comrade Parushev!

I'm going to show you! At working hours?I Now

Attention! 1... 2... 3...

One! Two! Three! - Congrats, Comrade Parushev! Whale!

Thanks, comrade. Be more modest, please.

Whale? What whale? Gossip-mongers!

Wasting petrol and scaring my fish!

Now I am going to pour that gasoline up in your ass to never forget it!

Comrade director! - Here he isl Just look at yourself!

It's different! The Odyssey caught a whale!

Our own! A socialist one! - You don't say!

Give me a break! - Whale! Here!

Are you ill?!

Whales!

It's only one, not many.

Always underestimating our leadership.

Why not whales? Last year in Siberia...

They found a prehistoric animal... What is it called?

Not matter. That survived several days afterwards!

5 whales were spotted in the Thames!

Now the white whale in the Rhine on TV!

Himalayan man, Loch Ness monster!

What do all these facts show?

Clearly some comrades don't read papers.

How can you run an undertaking like ours

if you are not informed? What is this?

A simple document - proof of our success!

Uh? - Shut up!

I propose a meeting to decide our future

plans regarding the whales. - Right.

I have an idea. - I'm listening...

A meeting to deal with the emergency!

I'm not sure it's totally...

Don't stutter!

All in favour of comrade lvanov's proposal?!

Against? Abstained? Admitted with no dissension, comrades!

BULGARIAN FISHING AUTHORITY

Ministry of Whales & Fish

Parushev, Parushev!

No, no, no! Comrades!

No, Comrades! I dislike this! Don't do this!

What happened? - Excuse us!

Nothing can stand in our way! - Exactly!

Follow me!

First resolution:

A telegram congratulating the Odyssey. And the other sections!

2nd: organise a Whale festival.

Where the successes of our government can be seen at hand!

I propose comrade Parushev to chair it!

A moment! Thanks! - How impudent!

No, no, no, we'll discuss it!

Any other suggestions?

Go, comrades! - A collection of songs to the Whale?

Ajar of whale oil placed in an obelisk

for future generations to see our heroism! In small Bulgaria!

And two jars in a show-case of honours! - Right, that's a great ideal

Stop! To warn the Director of Fishing who can't

tell whale from dog. Because he is...

Used to be a hat-maker! - Ivanov!

I'm well aware who he is, and you and ll

Ode to the whale: I sing this great ode...

to our hard collective work in the capturing...

of the special breed of "Black Sea whale-fish".

And as we praise our catch, ourselves and others, let's remember,

the merits of comrade Parushev for the appearance of this whale

in our waters are immense! - Bravo!

Comrades, let us sing!

The rumble of the sea, with half-empty nets,

with half-empty nets and one little song!

How merrily and skillfully we make something out of nothing!

We make something out of nothing! And then we wave our flags!

How merrily and skillfully we make something out of nothing!

We make something out of nothing! And then we wave our flags!

Congratulations! - Cheers!

You were such a guy!

You're a man and a half! Reliable!

I was going to fire you, but, anyway...

Listen to your boss, you won't go wrong! Yes!

Whales, huh, comrade director? No B's or C's, just A... Isl

On what page, comrade director?

You decide! But the main priority

of your paper is the task that the whale is in it.

First page! - I told you I am not into newspapers.

Uh... I do mainly with fish and whales.

For the evening edition a selection of

comments by top artists, writers, scientists

and, you know, the working class!

Interview an icthyologist! Get cracking!

On the move. I am on the move!

Ivanov? - Yes, comrade director.

I've drafted a proposal for a whaling fleet.

Look! We'll submit to the Ministry ASAP.

Those, ah, economists can look it over too.

Of course, but... Aren't we jumping the gun a bit?

What are you waiting for? Whales leaping

out of the sea and chasing tourists?!

It doesn't contradict! Don't play smart-ass to me...

Go for it! - I'll go for it, comrade Parushev!

This narrowmindedness suffocates me!

Popov? - Yes.

I draft a motion for a Ministry of Whales.

If they object? - It's only if they object...

How? This is as significant as the

the first Bulgarian locomotive! Go!

Yes! I'm on the run, comrade director!

Go!

Minister! Minister! Minister!

Prof. Gaytandzhiyski, do me a favour...

No favours. I'm on my break.

I'm not a student. I'm from 'Fish Calling'.

What's your reaction to the whale? - What whale?

The Black Sea whale, comrade professor!

Black sea whale? It's a myth. Get in line!

Ok. And you, what do you think?

I saw it myself! Yes, on TV. - You saw it? Bravo!

It's an eye-witness! - She saw the monkey's ass!

The prof. categorically denies any whales!

Why ask old fans? Find a young careerist...

Who's ambitious and ready for anything!

If not I'll send you back to the farm, got it?!

Loud and clear, comrade director!

Have any other scientists commented?

As far as I know, professor... - Gaytandzhljski.

Yes, but he cited some Soviet scientist.

The professor knows little about whales!

As for the Soviet scientist, his survey

doesn't mention whales in the Black Sea...

But doesn't deny their existence. So...

That's why we're asking you.

Please. Black Sea fauna... and flora...

Excellent!

I think the comments were good. - Whal?I Thanks. We'll stay in touch.

I've organized the funds and equipment

for a research trip to the Black Sea.

All I need's a subject. The whale will make

a wonderful dissertation. - Of course!

To our success! Cheers!

When should I pop by the office?

Money's paid at the start of the month.

GLORY TO THE FIRST WHALE

GLORY TO THE

Address the camera like a real audience.

Relaxed, measured. Any questions?

Relax, kid. I know what I'm doing.

So we're starting in 30 seconds?

Dear viewers, you heard the historic news.

Spreading across our great Fatherland.

With us the Fisheries Director Parushev.

I beg your pardon.

A whale needs water to swim in! - Bravo, comrade director.

Dear viewers and vieweresses, this whale...

The point isn't whether the whale exists.

Sooner or later the truth will out!

By then it'll be too late.

But what if they really fund a whaling fleet?!

It's only if they fund us... - Who are you misleading with that fleet?I

You'll be kissing my ass for this money! We have no worries in the bank.

We'll pay the minimal salary to the fishermen with the money.

Or soon we'll have no-one working next year at all!

And then?

Then we abandon the project as inefficient.

And then you go to prison. - And then you bring me cigarettes.

And then?

I don't want to worry you, but it's your signature on the telegram.

Comrades, these are not ungrounded talks, please, comrades.

Because I am certain, that in the nearest time...

We can give what we've promised... - Bravo!

The boss! Cheeky fellow! - The boss!

So it's true then?! Well, bravo, comrade director!

Zankov?I?

Not my fault, Comrade Petrov.

I said mackerel. Must be someone else...

or maybe... someone else... yes...

I swear, comrade Zankov. I wouldn't mislead you!

They're coming! On your marks!

One, two, three...

Happy victory!

Hooray! - Hello lo you, hello!

Wow, howl love flowers!

Take me to see the monster. To touch it!

I'd love to, but the Odyssey's still at sea.

Requisition a military boat!

We're on bad terms with the military.

Tell them I, Parushev, request it!

Right. Got it, director. It's just...

The motor boat is my concern! You've just arrived, relax a while...

Don't worry, I'm strong as an ox!

And tomorrow we'll go to the Odyssey.

It's heavy, it won't get away.

Friends... We'll respect our hosts' wishes.

Right, director, not like we're criminals!

Take measures to preserve the whale.

Agreed. Listen to the scientist.

Without science there's no socialism! - Right!

Let's go!

Go get a drink.

I don't drink. - Have a tea, then.

I don't drink tea. - Have whatever! Now! Please!

Don't open to anyone who knocks! I'm silent as a gravel

And there is... - Well, come on.

Odyssey, you copy?

Fisheries Director Parushev speaking!

Using the data of the air intelligence... Ours, yes, ours! Yes!

In the quadrant "Y", in 34 degrees and 28 minutes east longitude...

And 23 degrees and 22 minutes north latitude...

The huge fish shoal showed up.

Get going right away!

Take no other orders, from anyone!

FISH MARKET-PLACE

Fishing Call newspaper

How'd it go? - Great!

You were very quick! - Listen here!

Got it! I saw and heard nothing!

If the Odyssey tries to contact Parushev...

You report to me only I Got it?

Of course! Let's grab a drink. - Listen to me!

I'll pay!

My head are bursting, and he's only thinking about booze!

We, communist youth, want to form

a volunteer group to protect the whale.

It's good. - But he won't let us!

What kind of youth won't fight the power?

Come with me!

We'll fight it, comrade Parushev... for life or death!

We await your orders, comrade director!

Orders? I'm not some king!

You need self-initiative, my girl, self-initiative!

You're a Messiah to us, Parushev!

Why are you clinging to me like a tail?

Is that why I brought you?! Take a stroll, people!

Look at this and that... Get in touch with the masses...

Offer help on the spot! Come on, go, go. On the move!

Yes, comrade Parushev! - Come on, you come with me.

Parushev wants to board the ship. - So? Wanting's not getting. Relax.

You bought fish from a private vendor?

A whole state fishery and it's got no fish!

Here - gobies!

Now repeat what you told me!

But I already said it. - I told you repeat it.

No need to repeat. The Komsomol youth want to protect the whale!

Do you hear?!

They ask too much! Slackers! Anyone can do that.

Let THEM catch a whale and protect it!

The youth should be encouraged.

We must help them!

Hey, my girl. Take a seat.

What's up with the cutter?

Your name's magical to the military. They gave us fish with the oil.

I tell them "We're full of fish", but they - "Now"...

"it's for our man, comrade Parushev." - Ah, what do you know...

But things suddenly got more complicated...

The Odyssey found a whole school of whales and..

Went 400 miles deeper into the sea.

A school, huh? See what our lads can do!

Every ship should copy the Odyssey!

The young will help, so we won't have to

depend on the Odyssey for whales!

That's a task for you, get cracking! - Will do, comrade director!

We'll introduce Odyssey's experience to all our ships!

Let's go!

Please, comrade, we can get only 8 mph, so we'll have to travel forever.

And the forecast is not promising... Don't risk your precious life.

Listen... Our life doesn't belong to us!

Yeah, but what's there to look... I was there the other day...

A whale like any other. A very big fish! Big as a whale!

A whale like any other, but... you say so because you've seen it.

I want to see it too! To cheer my heart! To caress its naughty head.

Wait, comrade director!

The whale has nowhere to go!

Let's think what should we do with the whale...

Should we smoke it? Can it? Dry it?

Why would you do that with a whale?!

Haven't you mackerel for that? - Sure we have. We're jammed with that.

Why would you cut it up?! - No, no! It's a whole!

Attention! The whale is not just a whale... Like I said on TV:

“As concrete proof of our successes!“

I wouldn't dare to cross the street before, and look what it is now...

Respect! Enlightenment! Expansion!

Authority! That's the whale! Er...

Listen that... - Delchev.

Yes, Delchev. Get me radio link to the Odyssey!

What? Oh dear.

Hello?

One minute, I'll get them on the other line.

Radio services? This is the chief engineer.

Put Parushev through to the Odyssey. Just a moment... right away.

So the project with the fleet will be feasible?

It's me who is making my project, my good boy. Just give me the whales!

We're going to, comrade director.

It's ready now.

Hello?! Odyssey?! Hello?

What if they tell him there's no whales?!

I can't talk now. - Wait? Where are you going?

Going to business, no time to explain! - Stop it, what's the big rush for?I

Hello! What the heck is going on...

This is Parushev! Captain Perchekliysky?

Speaking! I am him. He is me.

I didn't recognise him with excitement!

On behalf of the Central Fishery Authority,

I congratulate the collective on the catch.

And the captain, particularly!

Thanks! Thanks very much!

I've nominated the crew for a prize.

I order: Until you get to the base, do not dismember the whale!

Why, are you drying him as a herring? Keep him packed in ice!

I order: the whale draught to continue, comprehensively!

We spotted a big school of whales!

The head engineer found it personally! Has he reported to you?

Catch whales only! Never mind little fish!

Fine! Good lads.

Director Kalchev's dying! - Who authorised that?

Get up! - Uncle, what the hell is up with you?

Stop howling! I'm not dead yet! - Were you able to hear well?

I couldn't recognize my own voice. - It's from excitement...

Look what the Director has done from excitement.

I'd do the same in his shoes!

Don't worry though.

They caught a whale, big deal... - You're very hard to please.

You almost died at no whale news, now it is here and you faint!

No fainting! The sea's full of whales and

we're wasting time! Let's make plans!

But there was absolutely nothing there!

Boss, you spoke to the captain personally!

Tell your auntie they caught a whale!

Here, comrade directors, with all these doubts

and hesitations we'll get nowhere! - But...

I can't manage this at all! - But...

Shut up while I'm talking! Let's... you all take your seats.

Let us be worthy of the heroic acts our comrades do.

I have only you, my friend, my dear heart of mine...

Only you will not betray me...

Our Mityo loved the sea as a boy!

As an infant you couldn't wash him,

he kept trying to swim. Other kids broke windows,

he brought me the pieces to glue together!

He learned to read in kindergarten!

Reading only about the sea and about...

about... er... Admiral Nelson's biography!

Hold him to leave off reading about

capitalist exploiters, so he can read about

our Admiral Ushakov and "Nadezhda" ship!

"GLORY"

I suckled him with folksongs at my breast!

Watch it! You're blinding me!

When he grew up, he never drank! Unlike

those friends of his! Once he was hauled

off to the cops. They won't let me in...

'Mother, how could they not let you in!'

But do gendarmes know any mercy?

Enough! That's what we're looking for!

Bravo Granny Stoyna! You're all set!

Who you calling granny. Old man?!

Comrades, the Bulgarian mother not only

births heroes, but cracks jokes tool Bravo!

You what? - Humour, humour and satire!

You're gonna get a big axe from me...

Bring the flowers, go on!

I like the stage. But mind the floor.

Once I was speaking and it fell apart on me.

Don't worry, comrade director, it's sturdy!

Ah, are you kidding me?! I'll make you pay!

Comrade Parushev!

Will you answer our questions?

No comment. Ask the director. - Ask the chief engineer...

He's the whale-man. Away now! - Fill that hole!

We will, immediately!

Comrade engineer!

Please! - Can you spare a moment?

Thanks.

First question: ls our whale a balaena mysticetus or odontoceti?

Mysticetus, yeah.

What length is it?

Er, 46 metres, 12 centimetres

and a couple of millimetres.

What is its weight?

10 tons, maybe more. There's no weighing

scales on the ship. Its weight is calculated by quadrature.

Quadrature.

What's its chest measurement?

298 centimetres.

Isn't that little for his weight?

He's a slender whale.

Are its teeth as valuable... - Equal to.

...as ivory? - Yes, yes.

How was he caught? - It can...

What it's been killed with? - Well, we used...

Bow, harpoon or fishing hook? - Efendi, what's its color?

Well, male, of course.

My Turkish colleague asks exactly

where the whale was caught?

Well, that's confidential.

Come aboard!

He's running away! Get him! Please, comrade director!

One more minute, please! Just one! Follow me!

Here he isl Follow me!

I surrender!

I surrender! - Come off ill It's me!

He's got sunstroke.

How'd it go?

Ah, you know, journalists...

Why'd you dress like that? I lost my mind!

Quiet, comrades! One can't help it.

We caught a whale, so we'll give interviews.

Should have thought!

Now for us every single minute counts!

The whale will get us to new and very important assignments.

Very big events to come!

It's because of that we need to be impeccable.

First.

I must gladly inform you, that... Guess who will attend the occasion.

Who? - The Minister himself.

Now what?!

Let's make short preparation check! Director has something to say.

Comrade, Kolcho Kalchev! - But I...

Shush! - Don't shush me! And don't wink!

Why are you winking? What plans when there's no whale?!

You're gonna get me suffocated.

What's that, comrade director?!

What's this then? Give me the cable.

Such a kidder!

Hide the paper somewhere.

Let's change the subject.

There's no whale. It's a dolphin.

He made up the whale!

No dolphin either. HE made it up!

None at all! Haha! ls there bonito?

There's bonito. Eh, Petrov?

Ahem... bonito... well, bonito, eh...

So, it's mackerel, eh?

Mackerel, yes. Right, Zankov?

Y-y-yes.

To be honest, it's sprat.

Thanks, comrades, for a great joke!

Just a pity Captain Perchekliyski's not here.

There he is.

Where? - That one!

With a... a whole school... of whales!

THE MINISTRY OF WHALES AND FISH

RECYCLABLES' X REGIONAL OUTLET

Hit the road, huh? At least leave the bone then!

Best just let him go. Good riddance.

Comrade Parushev, don't go, please!

Look who you're leaving us with!

Dear friends, comrades, citizens...

You can't lie forever. You know what a mess you've made?!

Swindlers! You should be sued for treason!

Prison! Every last one of you! Prison!

Isn't it great to reveal the truth now, comrade director.

Can you image the outcome of it, had it been discovered tomorrow?

Instead of panicking, let's decide what

measures to take in the new circumstances.

Let's postpone that a day or two, then no matter what happens.

Let's buy a whale from duty-free!

With the money for the whaling fleet.

Clean up your own mess.

I have a document!

With respect, it's not just our mess.

I'll deal with you personally.

I'll stick you in the dog's ass,

you miserable engineer!

Fantasist! When this is all over...

Get rid of this! - I'm sorry.

Eureka! Let's sink the Odyssey and the whale.

It's the only way I

imperialist! - What? We lose nothing,

we can only profit from that. You just put me through.

How much explosives do we need? - 500 kilos.

Can we not blow it up? We could fake an accident.

We'll drill il and let it sink. No one will ever know!

Comrade Parushev. I have another proposal.

Let's not sink it at all, but rename it from Odyssey to Homer.

And report the Odyssey's sunk. Saves funds. This is the way I

So there's really no whale. No whale!

Well, comrade directors, there IS a whale.

Everyone knows there IS a whale, it must be and it will bel Clowns!

Can't lie for nuts! Tomorrow we'll meet not

a whale, but the Whalers! The whale will

appear in good time. Ha! Engineer! Let's go.

Any news?

Cool it! Everything's going to the Plan. That's all.

What's up? The labor day?

May the 1st has gone. It ain't Sep. 9th (communism victory) is it?

Nah. It's for the sprat.

Should they make such a great row for a small sprat like those?

It's the end of the 40 day fast.

If only we can't fullfil the Plan next time...

Better to sink 2,000 leagues under the seal

20,000! - Doesn't matter!

Shut up!

WELCOME BRAVE ODYSSEY CREW!

Oh my God! Oh my God!

Much ado for a sprat! - Let's...

Go and have a drink!

Thank you for the wonderful gift! - Oh, dear...

Get this umbrella the hell out!

Comrades! In the history of our fishery

in golden letters will be written the name

of Captain...

What's his name')... Perchekliysky!

Hurray for the captain! - Hurray!

Comrades, only 10 years have passed

since the liberation of Bulgaria. But

when you look at the whaling industry...

Our whale now places us alongside the

developed whaling nations! What's a whale?

Cut it up, it's 265,000 tonnes of mackerel!

And for... eh... bonito... Excuse me! Not for bonito.

I mean dried fish... Let's not talk about it anymore...

Comrades,

Bulgaria's reached unprecedented success!

Comparing these humble figures! Shame, comrades!

National shame!

My grandfather couldn't dream of whales

because there weren't any, or if there were

then as small as my little finger! This big!

L, Parushev, promise in the year 2000...

...if a whale...

...harpoon...

The rumble of the sea, with half-empty nets!

With half-empty nets and one little song!

How merrily and skillfully we make something out of nothing!

We make something out of nothing and then we wave our flags!

How merrily and skillfully we make something out of nothing!

We make something out of nothing and then we wave our flags!

Timings: Planet_Rocker@or*Die and Jane Doe

THE END

OCR and sub-edits: Jane Doe and NikeBG, 2013