Original subtitles

Oh, great. Thank you.

Oh, um... let's see.

Um, one classic cherry, one pecan,

two pumpkins, uh, one lemon meringue...

Excuse me.

Are you pre-ordering pies for Thanksgiving?

Yeah. Some people bring casseroles,

- I bring pies. - You just told me

you aren't taking any more pie orders for Thanksgiving.

We're not. What else, Carrie?

Oh. Uh, one blueberry.

Um, that's a pie order.

Pick-up for Martinez?

She used to live in the neighborhood.

I live in the neighborhood.

Ma'am, this woman has been ordering pies from me

every Thanksgiving since I opened.

Even during lockdown, when no one was going anywhere,

she ordered four pies and paid for four pies.

She didn't even pick them up.

They sat on that shelf 'til they turned green.

That's the kind of neighbor she is.

Did you so much as even think of me during the plague?

No, you did not.

You're two croissants a week, at best.

So, however many pies she wants, she gets.

Anything else, Carrie?

Um, yeah, um...

uh, yes, let's see. An apple crisp.

- Apple crisp. - Mm-hmm.

- Chocolate creme. - Chocolate creme.

I'm sorry, it's a big group this year.

Are you over here ordering pies?

No. No, I... I wish I was.

'Cause I heard "chocolate creme."

I didn't.

The pies are ordered for your feast.

There was almost bloodshed.

Well, that's appropriate for this holiday.

How many did you get?

Seven, plus a gluten-free something

pretending to be a pie.

That's almost two people per pie!

Is that the incorrect pie-to-person ratio?

I... I don't... I don't bake.

Okay, well, dessert is one less thing

Brady will have to worry about.

Aw, baby's first turkey.

Guess where I am.

At a bank taking out a loan for all the pies?

Hmm. No, I'm walking down my old street.

It's so strange that I don't live here anymore.

I know, right? Brooklyn who?

It's so weird how we just move on.

But do we? I don't know, I think

part of me still lives here.

- Oh, my God! No way! - Hi!

Okay, Miranda, I gotta go. Lisette just came out.

- I'll call you later, 'kay? - Okay.

- Bye! - Bye!

What are you doing here?

I want my place back.

Of course, you do.

I have this nightmare all the time.

Aw!

Hi!

Oh, I'm such a bad friend.

I haven't seen you in forever because of a boy.

Yep, I'm that girl.

Wow, a boy. How's it going?

It's over, of course.

But, it lasted seven months, which is my record, so...

- Oh. - How's everything?

How are you and Aidan?

Um, we're not.

Twenty-two years, that's my record.

No. I'm sorry.

Oh, is that your car?

Yeah, no. But I'm not getting in now.

Yes, go, go! We'll catch up.

Well, I'm having a get-together the Monday before Thanksgiving

while everyone's in town. Come?

Mm.

- Poor us. - Aw, I'm fine.

- Well, then, poor me. - No, you're fine, too.

- Okay. - Bye.

- Come Monday! - Okay.

Come!

I'm gonna have to polish these babies up for Thanksgiving.

Eh, it'll be a nice change to rub something that stays hard...

...instead of my endless penis polishing.

Honey, I don't enjoy you making jokes about yourself like that.

And I don't enjoy not having an erection since the surgery.

Honey, it will come.

Well, it better, 'cause I sure haven't.

Okay, stop.

Also, we don't have to polish anything

because you keep forgetting that we're having Thanksgiving

at Miranda's.

And you keep forgetting that forgetting

is my passive-aggressive way of saying, "Do we have to?"

She probably makes her stuffing

with white bread and has NPR on instead of football.

I will be making the stuffing. And it will be your favorite,

focaccia with oysters and fresh sage.

I don't wanna eat your stuffing at her house.

I wanna eat it here in my own home.

I wanna pass out on my own couch in a tryptophan-induced coma.

Is that so much to ask?

Listen, she has never hosted Thanksgiving

and she's excited.

You rescued Mr. Burton here.

You can't rescue me from a day of sitting upright

and All Things Considered?

Okay, I will try to get us out of it.

Mom, can you help?!

Coming, Rock!

Can you zip me up? I gotta try this on

- before dress rehearsal tomorrow. - Uh-huh.

Uh...

How do you like your Thoroughly Modern Millie costume?

It's cool.

Lily did way too much on the makeup,

and the wig's itchy, but that's showbiz.

Thanks, Mom.

Me.

Off.

The salesman who gave you that color

should have his homosexual card torn up.

- Try these. - So many?

Winter's coming. You need new sweaters.

And this Lanvin will look gorgeous with your eyes.

- You are so good to me. - Got that right.

No one will ever treat you better.

This is true.

No one will.

Ever.

Oh, God. What, are you gonna blow me at Bergdorf's?

I'm not going to blow you.

I'm going to propose to you.

Are you serious?

Am I known for my humor?

Tony, my lover, my love.

Will you marry me?

Yes!

How we doing in here?

- We're engaged in here! - Congratulations!

And how are we liking the plum?

Your novel?

Fan-fucking-tastic!

I literally could not put it down.

I mean, I still can't!

Your prose is fluid and so moving.

Now, when do I get the last chapter?

Well, you... you have the last chapter.

Oh, I do?

- Mm-hmm. - Sorry. Sorry.

That's okay!

Okay...

She's in the garden...

- alone. - Mm-hmm.

Yeah, that's the last page.

After her love dies, the woman is alone.

You know me. I'm happy ending gal.

So, uh, what you've written

is a romantic tragedy?

Well, I... I mean, how is a woman

alone in a garden a tragedy?

Well, not today, it's not. Today it's Tuesday.

I mean, hello?

But in 1846, when this takes place...

a woman alone at the end would be a tragedy.

Would it not?

Thank you, dear. Ooh!

- Thank you! - Beautiful.

Thank you so much.

You guys have to come see Rock

in Thoroughly Modern Millie. You have to.

- Why do we have to? - You have to see what I saw.

Rock in the Millie costume is so grown-up and so...

So what?

Pretty.

But I don't know if I'm allowed to say that.

I-It's like seeing who Rock would be if... if...

If they still identified as a Millie?

Well, count me in.

You know how much I love musical theater,

especially at the high school level.

Sorry, can't Friday.

Joy and I are going to a lecture

on the role of media in disaster management.

Oh! That sounds fun, too.

Well, you know, it... it's fine, because I can take pictures.

Uh, un... unless that would upset Rock.

But... but anyway, no worries.

- I have worries. - Miranda?

I invited Brady's baby Mamma Mia

to Thanksgiving and didn't tell him.

Maybe you could also attend a lecture

on the role you play in home disaster management.

Look, she probably won't come,

and I don't want to upset Brady for no reason.

I'll blow up that bridge if I come to it.

- I mean, he's nervous enough cooking. - Mm.

- Charlotte. - Mm?

You're bringing your stuffing, right?

Oh, absolutely.

Carrie...

Why is that karaoke machine still there?

'Cause you're taking it with you.

Oh... no!

Mm, it is just so warm and cozy in here now.

I was getting a little concerned before.

Concerned about what?

It was just so big and empty

when there was nothing in here, like...

like a museum,

or a house on a historical walking tour.

Historical, yes, um, which brings me to my editor.

She read my new book and labeled it

a "romantic tragedy" because the woman ends up alone.

She did not say that.

Well, she couched it in the historical framework.

"In 1846, a woman ending up alone would be tragic."

But I'm starting to get the sense that peop...

well, more specifically,

my publishing house, thinks the same thing.

Mm.

She wants me to add an epilogue.

Where she ends up married or something?

She didn't say. Something that makes the reader

feel good at the end.

I like the ending. I thought it was honest.

Do you have to do it?

Well, she suggested that I think about it, and I am,

because I really don't want my first novel

to end up on the discount table

- at Barnes and Noble. - Mm.

I don't know. What would the new ending be?

What is there to say?

She ends up alone.

- What?! - My God.

I forgot to tell you guys!

Anthony and Giuseppe are engaged!

Oh, my God, you scared the shit out of me.

I'm so sorry, but isn't that exciting?!

- It is exciting. - Right?

Oh, you missed a spot.

- I'm just coming up for air! - Slacker.

I'd go down, but I left my nose plug at the Y.

I spent my entire childhood at the Y.

Adorable. But I'm still not getting down on my knees

in rushing water.

Fine.

Been heard.

Here.

- Thank you. - Take this.

Yeah, the Y was free.

So, my mother used to drop me and my sister

off there when she was busy.

So, speaking of my sister...

would you want to meet her next Thursday?

Um, next Thursday? You mean Thanksgiving?

Yeah, I don't eat turkey

and I don't believe in that holiday, so...

Oh, you don't believe in Thanksgiving?

So, you have nothing to be thankful for?

I have so much to be thankful for.

But I'm gonna do it on my schedule, you know?

Not somebody else's.

And, you know...

top of my list of things to be thankful for is you.

Aw.

I love you.

I love you.

Hi, everyone! Welcome!

All proceeds for the Millie t-shirt

go to the Arbor drama department.

Welcome to the show!

Hello!

I hear congratulations are in order!

Oh, I'm so happy for you. Where is your betrothed?

In the little boy's room, so I have to talk fast.

- Okay. - I'm having second thoughts.

Oh.

Well, gosh, that's not the way I thought this was gonna go.

So, why did I say yes?

Because someone I love is down on one knee

asking me to marry him. How could I say no?

Sister, I hear ya.

Aidan, a knee, a street,

a dog, a ring...

a "yes."

Ever since we moved in together,

I'm shopping for him,

I'm cooking, I'm cleaning.

I don't know if he wants me to marry him or mommy him.

And I don't need a 29-year-old extremely well-hung baby.

Oh, come here. Come on.

- Look who I found! - Oh!

Was he lost?

- Uh, Mark Kasabian. - Yes, no, we've met.

I wasn't sure you'd remember me.

Aw!

His daughter's working on the play.

- Oh! - Pulling the curtain, again.

In an educational system

where every child gets a trophy,

apparently, Alexandra is the exception.

Yeah, I pulled the curtain on one or two school plays myself,

to get out of detention for smoking.

- Carrie! - Hi!

- Did you hear the news? - I did!

Anthony and Giuseppe are engaged.

Congratulations.

Getting engaged is the best part.

- I always enjoy it. - Looky here!

Beat the intermission line!

- One for you. - Clever thing!

- One for you. - Thank you!

- Here you go. - Thank you very much.

Honey, everyone is outside.

What are you doing in here all by yourself?

I wanted to get us some good seats.

- 'Cause Henry's the male lead. - Yes, he is.

At least someone in our family is winning, huh?

Herbert! That election!

Is it too triggering to say, "Recount"?

We can't believe you lost to that community activist

in bad shoes.

Well, bad shoes or not, my opponent

ran an excellent race.

Ten full percentage points ahead.

What is wrong with people?

Seven point four, actually.

Ladies, ladies, go take your seats.

Place is filling up.

Oh... And don't give a thought

to all that money we donated.

Don't be sad, Daddy.

Excuse me.

- Herbert Wexley. - Principal Peterson.

I tried. From Chelsea to the West Village,

from the gyms to the Jellicle Ball,

I did everything in my power

to rally the LGBTQ I A vote.

As Teddy Roosevelt said,

"If you're gonna fail, fail while daring greatly."

Next time.

Sweet Mother of God, who is this?

Lisa, Herbert, I wanted to say...

- It's all been said. - Anthony told you we're engaged?

Oh, so you're taken?

Uh, pardon.

That was so inappropriate.

I just came out.

I-I'll sit now.

Oh, here's a picture of Connor!

Who the fuck was that queen?

♪ Cut the cord ♪

♪ Is that a man I once adored? ♪

♪ He's nothing but an albatross ♪

♪ No great loss, double-crosser ♪

♪ Forget about the boy ♪

♪ Forget about the boy ♪

♪ Forget about the boy ♪

♪ Halleluh ♪

♪ Now me and Mister Wrong are through ♪

♪ I'll find myself another beau who I know ♪

Take a photo.

Rock told me not to, but didn't say you couldn't.

Forget about the boy ♪

♪ Forget about the boy ♪

♪ Forget about the... ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Forget about the boy, forget about the boy ♪

♪ Forget about the ♪

♪ Boy ♪

Brava!

It's 7:30. You're gonna be late for work.

I'm working from home today.

Again?

Isn't that against your religion?

Man can change his mind.

Maybe I... I don't feel like going in to see everyone

look away thinking, "Here comes the loser."

Everyone is not thinking that.

I am.

I'm thinking it, Lisa. I failed.

I failed you, I failed my family.

I failed, badly.

You didn't fail any of us.

I have never been prouder to be your wife.

Not helping.

Go to work, please?

Harry.

Do I feel something hard against my back?

- You do. - Oh!

- My iPad. - Aw!

Yeah, I was showing my dick some porn last night

to try to remind it what its primary job used to be.

Changing the subject.

Yes, please do.

I know you wanted me to talk to Miranda about Thanksgiving,

but I just... I couldn't. It's important to her.

W-What about me? I'm your husband.

But it's just one day. Why all the fuss?

Okay.

When I got my diagnosis...

...I thought I might be a goner.

- Honey, no! - I mean, I...

- At first, I did. - Aw.

I just kept thinking, "Make it to Thanksgiving,

make it to Thanksgiving."

You know, it... it became like a visualization.

Just, you know, all of us here, together.

Me, alive.

Honey, why are you just sharing this with me now?

I'm already Mr. Softie.

I didn't want to come off like a total wuss.

You are all man to me, Harry Goldenblatt.

And you will have Thanksgiving the way you want it.

How is it possible that takeaway chicken tikka from 53rd Street

is better than anything I had when I was living in New Delhi?

Oh, I get it. You're fancy.

Hi, Brady.

Look, it's your friend Brady.

- So, how was sauce day? - What is this?

A text from Mia saying "yes" to Thanksgiving?

Oh! She's coming?

- Oh, I'm surprised! - You're surprised?

What the fuck, Mom?!

You invited her without asking me?

I didn't think she would say yes.

I just... I went by her salon

to apologize for my last visit there,

and when she told me her mother had blocked her on Facebook

and she had nowhere to go for the holiday, I invited her.

This is so fucked up.

- You... - But aren't we glad

she's a "yes"?

I... I mean, now we can get to know her,

and she can get to know... I mean, there's a baby coming.

Text her back and tell her to forget it.

I can't text her back now.

She already thinks I'm crazy.

You are crazy! Inviting some random girl

I got pregnant to Thanksgiving?

This isn't some fucking Hallmark holiday movie!

Will you lower your voice? You're scaring the dogs.

Well, you're scaring me.

What else do you have up your sleeve?

Are you gonna offer to buy the baby over pie?

- Don't be ridiculous. - Oh, I'm ridiculous?

Joy, help me out here.

I-Is she or is she not being fucking ridiculous?

Don't involve Joy in this.

Uh, maybe I should take the dogs into the next room.

Joy's already involved. She's coming to Thanksgiving.

We're both gonna have to sit

and watch you do whatever you plan to do!

What I plan to do is have a nice meal

and try to get to know the mother of your baby.

Brady, this is happening, the baby and Thanksgiving.

So, let's make the best of it.

I'm paying for these cocktails.

- But it's my turn. - But I'm a terrible friend.

I backed out of Thanksgiving at Miranda's,

and now you have to go by yourself.

Into a room full of all my closest friends?

Come on, I'm paying.

Fine.

But, come on, they're vegan and gluten-free?

I'm passing up a delicious drumstick for Tofurkey.

Are you determined to make this lovely invite

somehow a bad thing?

I am. Terrible friend

to terrible girlfriend, just like that.

Mm, I got a call from the rep of the family

who owns the apartment below you.

They wanted to know if you're interested in buying it.

The... the lease that Duncan had?

Is over, and he's not renewing.

So, they're coming to you

before they put it on the market.

Well, why would I want more space?

For resale. It would be more desirable

to own the entire property.

Why am, uh... Why am I so upset right now?

I don't... I don't know. Why are you?

I don't know if it's because I was harboring the idea

that Duncan would come back, or because I feel like

you're saying I should resell.

Why would I say that?

Because, of course, it's too big for one person.

I bought it with a plan, and it didn't happen.

I am not saying any of that.

I was just asking a business question.

Right. Right. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm having a lot of feelings

about apartments these days.

Lisette invited me to a get-together

at... at my old place.

And I'm a little afraid to go.

Afraid to see what a dump you lived in?

I think it might make me sad or something...

being there again.

What if I miss it?

Miss the chipping woodwork,

the shitty kitchen,

the warped floors?

Yeah.

Oh. Welcome. I'm Ezekiel.

- I... I'm confused. - Carrie!

- Welcome home! - Am I home?

- Because, um... - Oh. Yeah, the wall.

It separates Ezekiel's apartment and mine.

- Work in progress. - Oh.

- Let's go to my place. - Okay.

- Julia. - How are you?

- Come on in. - I'm in.

- So, I got the closet. Duh. - Wow.

And Zeke got the kitchen, because who cares?

Mm.

The photos you left me.

Yeah. Wow.

O-Oh! So... so there's a wall in here too?

- Yeah. - Gotcha. Oh, wow.

Oh, that's my workspace. It's a little messy.

Oh, no, no, no, it's... wow, it's great to see!

May I?

Please!

Go ahead.

Yeah, much better.

It's like a little sweet, you know?

Yeah, exactly.

Turkey taco?

Oh.

Uh, maybe later, thanks.

Uh, I feel like Alice in Wonderland.

Can I take your coat, Alice?

- That's great. - Yeah. Oh, thanks.

Okay.

- You know... - Mm.

...it's not about his rent. I just... I hate living alone.

You know, before I was with Robbie...

that's the latest guy...

I always got so freaked out about coming home

to an empty apartment.

I thought, after all these years of roommates,

that I would love it.

But I didn't dig it, like, at all.

I kept imagining someone coming through the window

while I was asleep and killing me, or worse.

Point of interest, what's worse than killing you?

I don't know, being kept alive in a cage for whatever.

And because I live alone,

who would even know I was in the cage?

I mean, the last time I saw you was seven months ago.

I think the girl cage/apartment scenario

is really just something that happens on streaming shows.

Right.

Doesn't it bother you,

living in that big house by yourself?

I mean, aren't you scared of what could happen to you?

Well, I'm... I'm more scared of what's already happened to me.

Mm.

Also, I have, um, I have a security system, so...

That's good. I've got Zeke.

He has a couple guns laying around somewhere.

Well, I guess whoever said, "You can't go home again" was right.

That would be...

novelist Thomas Wolfe.

Epilogue.

The woman opened the door to her dark home

and struck a match to light the candle in the vestibule.

The glow from the taper illuminated an envelope

waiting for her there on the cold marble table below.

She broke the blood-red wax seal

and removed the delicate piece of parchment inside.

An invitation from Virginia Perry

to attend a party to celebrate the return of her cousin,

Joshua Perry, from London to New York City.

The woman folded the paper, intrigued.

This was the handsome widower

Virginia had spoken so highly of.

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