Original subtitles

Wow! Oh, man.

Quite a workout!

- Ooh! This is a nice surprise. - Yeah!

Wow, you finally...

got a rug. Why purple?

Why not purple? Whoa!

No reason at all. I like it.

You keep talking like that

and we're gonna get along just fine.

Man, can you believe I'm actually gonna be here

for more than two days?

Judging by the amount of luggage we're carrying, yes, I can.

What's in all this?

I've only ever seen you wear the same three blue shirts.

These are my guns and furs.

Okay.

How do you wanna handle this?

Should we just, you know, move your stuff to one side?

Oh, I'm kidding! Ah, ha, ha!

You should see your face right now.

Well, I don't like horror movies.

Your stuff can live in here.

House this big, I never thought I'd be

in a second-class closet situation.

Then you haven't been paying attention.

This is the cat's room.

Oh. You're gonna love each other.

I hope you don't have any plans for the rest of the day.

Or...

week,

or life.

I'm all yours till 7:30.

Then Duncan's giving me notes on my latest chapter.

Why do you need notes? You're perfect.

- Again. - Mm.

You keep talking like that...

Honey, how are you feeling?

Pretty good, considering my balls

are as big as two bean bag chairs.

Well, they said it would take a while

for the swelling to go down after the surgery.

Yeah, but five days I'm sittin' here

with a bouncy house in my lap.

Hey, sweetheart, sweetheart, could you just take a quick look

and see if they're any smaller than yesterday?

Not right now.

Lisa's outside. She stopped by before work.

She wanted to say hello, if you're feeling up to it.

Sure.

Maybe don't mention the balls.

Easier said than done.

Mm.

- Oh, boy! - Okay!

The patient will see you now!

- Hey, you. How you doin'? - Hey!

Good. Good.

My oncologist, who has zero bedside manner,

- is very pleased. - Oh!

- He actually almost smiled. - Aw!

He said the surgery couldn't have gone better.

Thank God. Well, here.

I brought you some macadamias from Hawaii.

The jumbo ones I love.

You brought me some big nuts?

- That seems appropriate. - Why's that?

Because he likes nuts.

- That's why. - Oh! Good.

Good to see ya. Feel better!

You!

I'm going to the gallery, I'll walk with you!

So, how are things going with the series?

Really well. I mean, maybe too well.

I had a sex dream about my editor last night.

It was very explicit, and I woke up very turned on.

Wow! What was the dream?

We were on a farm,

and he was working for me.

- Like a farmhand? - It's unclear.

- There were vegetables. - Hm.

But why is this happening?

I have a really great sex life with my very sexy husband.

So, why is Marion ripping my bodice off on a farm?

Well, it's just a dream

and... and you're on a farm and you're wearing a bodice.

So, I don't really think you need to feel guilty about a dream.

Do you have sex dreams about other men?

- Yeah, occasionally. - Yeah?

Like ex-boyfriends, you know?

But it has nothing to do with reality

because sometimes in those dreams,

I have short hair.

Well, full disclosure:

Sometimes I flirt with him while we're working.

I mean, it's nothing overtly sexual,

but there's an unspoken energy between us,

and I feel it.

- Mm. - And I think he does too.

Well, isn't that what you want

when you're working with someone creatively?

Like, a connection?

Yes!

Thank you for saying that.

- You're right. - Right?

We're flirting while working.

- Yeah. - Yeah. We're "flirking."

Oh, that is so cute!

"Flirking!"

Yeah. Do you flirk with anyone at the gallery?

Oh yeah, the cute young guys who hang the art.

All of us do. Oh, that reminds me.

Tomorrow, the retrospective opens.

- Are you coming? - Yeah. I'm definitely coming.

This dude is coming a lot.

Well, the artist says exactly 3.4 centimeters of ejaculate.

I guess they came more in the '80s?

That looks good. That looks like the template.

Kai, are you ready?

Yes.

Good thing I have a master's in art history.

Ah. Why was this work so important?

Agreed. "Emperor's New Condom"?

Context, ladies.

This was created

by a woman artist in the '80s,

a time pre-Lena Dunham

when women were not celebrated

for being this messy.

Okay, done.

I hope someone took a photo of me holding the jizz bag

to send to my surgeon parents.

Ooh. The template says six inches

from where the naked model will be,

but I feel like that looks more like four.

Girl, you are singing my song.

Oh! Oh, God.

- Kai, can I have your hand? - Are you okay?

Uh, I... I feel... I think...

I think my vertigo is back. Oh, no.

I didn't think vertigo was real.

You know, like Epstein-Barr.

Oh, it's a real thing.

I had it last year. I had to take to my bed.

I'm... I'm okay. It's subsiding.

Are you sure?

Because if you need to lie down,

there's room next to the used condom.

I would sooner die.

Hi!

I didn't expect to see you today.

- And you brought a suitcase. - It's my emotional baggage.

Come on in.

I was in the car on the way back from the airport,

and I thought, "Why not stop and see

that amazing Miranda person for a kiss and a quick drink?"

Oh!

There's the kiss. Now, for the drink.

Uh, how was Montreal?

A little bit chilly, but lovely.

Now, this is Ungava gin,

a personal favorite of mine and impossible to find

without crossing the Canadian border.

- And I would like to leave it here. - Ah!

I should point out, that's a big step.

I've never left gin at a girlfriend's place before.

- Sure. - Do you have tonic?

Uh, no. No, I don't.

Oh, my God, you don't drink.

I forgot. Oh, for... forgive me.

No, no, no. Don't be silly.

Of course, you can leave your gin here.

I'm... I'm flattered I'm your first.

- Are you sure? - U-Uh, so sure.

It's not a big deal. I'm just not drinking now.

Anyway, always hated gin.

Okay, good. All the more for me.

Funny how life works out sometimes.

You... you want some ice?

- Yes, please. - Okay!

Oh, my gosh.

It's 7:20.

7:20, morning or evening?

Evening.

Oh, that was a good nap.

I got ten minutes to get myself together

and go downstairs.

For what?

Our writing session.

- Oh, right. - Mm.

How long you gonna be gone? An hour?

Oh, gosh. Longer.

How much longer?

Mm...

Hours? I don't know.

- Takes time. - Okay, got it.

Hey, what do ya... what do ya got to eat?

Um, not a lot.

I was gonna go to the market earlier

but we spent the afternoon doing other things!

- Worth it! - Hey, you know what?

Why don't you go to that place down the block that we love?

- Oh, man. - What's wrong?

Oh.

Nothing from Wyatt.

Not even a reply to the five texts I sent him.

No surprise there, I just...

I thought he, you know...

I don't know what I thought.

Okay, what's going on?

Just he... Go. We... we can talk about it later.

Talk about what later?

When he came back from Outward Bound,

he announced that from now on, he wanted to live with Kathy.

Yeah.

The fuck did I do?

Well, what does that mean, "From now on"?

It means from now on, he's there.

I mean, Homer, he's at his cousins' for a month,

and I'm sittin' down there alone.

And I thought,

"Fuck, I don't have to be here. I got a life in New York."

So, I... I threw my shit into bags and I left.

So, that's why you can be here for more than two days.

Why did he decide to move into Kathy's, do you think?

Oh, he loves her more.

Don't say that.

Then, I...

I don't know. I... I don't fucking know.

Why didn't you tell me earlier?

It would ruin our afternoon.

How'd I wind up the bad guy?

Alright, I'm gonna cancel with Duncan,

and then we go to dinner.

No...

- You sure? - Yeah, I'm sure.

I'll text him now.

Okay.

I'm... I'm close. Are...

- Go on. - Are you?

Go.

Go, baby. Go.

Oh, my God!

Wow.

What is happening here?

- We're laughing. - Wha...

I've never laughed after sex. Have you?

Only when I'm alone.

Who are you?

- Oh, I'm Adam, nice to meet you. - Mm-hmm. Mm.

Did you come?

Not yet.

But...

I have all night.

Oh!

Ah, yes!

- Oh! Oh! - Ooh!

Mm.

Oh, that was good. Mm.

What the...

Good morning.

You're just so damn sexy.

I am?

Mm.

I want you inside me.

- Mm. - Before coffee?

Oh.

You're so hot.

Is it my birthday?

Put it in me.

Okay, babe... baby, baby.

Baby.

- Hmm? - I kinda gotta pee.

Can I go pee? I'll be right back.

- Okay. - It's just... it's early, you know?

- I'll be right back. - Okay.

Okay, look...

I'm hot, right?

Mm.

- Hold that thought. - Holding.

I'll be right back.

Be right back.

Ooh.

Hey, baby, can we add toilet paper

to the shopping list?

And we gotta get, uh, Gabby's favorite seltzer thing.

She won't stop talking about it.

I'll go after work.

Mm.

Mm. I love papaya.

And the hardest thing is to try to find one that's ripe.

But this... um, mm.

This one's perfect.

Would you like some?

I'm fine. I'm fine with my usual everyday kale salad,

no croutons, dressing on the side.

Yeah, I just couldn't bring myself to order

another boring salad.

Not... not that your salad's boring, I just...

- wanted something different. - Hmm.

You ever just want something different?

Nope.

- Never? - No.

- Okay. - I'm fine with what I have.

You know, I was thinking about you last night.

- You were? - About you and me.

What were you thinking

about you and me?

Just how we're always in here together.

- Yeah. - Talking about how we're gonna get

Michelle Obama to do your series.

Yeah.

Oh yeah, we are always in here talking.

- Uh-huh. - Just talking.

And I think that you should come with me to a screening

of Naima Ramos' new doc.

No, definitely not. I'm busy.

Okay, but I never told you when it was, so...

Oh, right, sure, sorry. It's just that most nights,

I'm... I'm really busy, or with my children.

- Y-Yeah. - But when is it?

Tonight, at 7:00.

Oh, well then, definitely not.

'Cause I have my friend's gallery opening.

And it wouldn't be right if I went to a movie with you.

Hey, hey, hey, you know.

Meaning, I made a promise to her.

I... I made a promise.

I get that. It... It's just that

her new project's being produced by the Obamas

and they're gonna have one of their development executives there.

And I know her, and I would love to introduce you two.

Wow.

- Hi. - Mommy!

Don't hate me. I have to go right back out.

I have a work thing.

Weren't we supposed to go to dinner,

and then go to Charlotte's gallery opening?

Yes, but now I have a work thing.

Wow. Choosing work over...

You? I am not choosing work over you.

- Why would you even say that? - I wouldn't.

I was talking about Charlotte.

Oh. Uh, yeah.

I already feel bad, don't make me feel worse.

Did you get my pink seltzer?

No, baby. I didn't have time.

I... I have a... a work thing.

Um, a movie that Mommy has to see.

- Why? - That's a good question, Gabby.

Yeah, why?

What does that even mean?

I'm just asking a question.

To trap someone from the Obamas' production company

into talking to Michelle about being in my series.

And that's an answer.

It's a work thing. I'm not even changing clothes.

That's how much I don't even care about looking good tonight.

- Any more questions? - What about my pink seltzer?

I'll get some tomorrow, because tonight...

- You have a work thing. - Yeah.

- Mm, I love you. - Love you.

- Ooh, and I love you, too! - Enjoy your work thing.

Hey. What's better for tonight? Number one or two?

Uh, I think blue shirt number one is perfect

for dinner and an art opening.

Blue shirt number one it is.

Seriously, what's in all the bags?

Oh, um, tube socks.

And?

More tube socks.

- Permission to cross the border? - Mm-mm.

Permission denied.

Hey, why don't we invite Dunkin' Donuts

- to dinner with us tonight? - And why would we do that?

- Be neighborly. - Mm-mm. I don't think so.

It's not that kind of neighborhood.

Well, we're living in the same house,

and I don't even know him.

Yeah, I don't even know him.

Really. I know nothing about him.

It's just... it's just all about our books.

You know nothin' about him?

That's right. We just talk about work.

Hmm. I find that hard to believe.

- Well, believe it. - So, what?

You two just sit there and look at each other

and say, what, "Page 22 sucks"?

That's exactly right. "Page 22 sucks."

That is our... that is our relationship in a nutshell.

And I would prefer to keep it that way, so please,

please, no... no "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood" needed, really.

Alright? So, put on blue shirt number two

and let's get a move on.

You just said blue shirt number one.

I changed my mind.

How we doin' on time?

Oh, the gallery's just around the corner.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, my God!

Did that just happen?

I thought I'd seen everything. Now, I've seen everything.

I've seen people clip their toenails on the subway.

I've even seen a woman squat to pee on 6th Avenue, but that...

at least those are basic necessities.

So is deodorant, you could argue.

Well, you... you could.

But I wouldn't, 'cause I never touch the stuff.

Hmm? You don't use deodorant?

Nope. I don't believe in it.

Yeah, I use a rock crystal.

Mm-hmm. Baking soda free.

Not tested on animals, it's unscented,

- all natural ingredients. - Oh, God.

I can't be with someone who says stuff like that.

You should've told me about this crystal shit

before we even got involved.

Okay, well, you tell me. How do I smell?

Yeah, good, right?

And, you know, last night,

when I was all up in your armpit business...

- Oh, my God. - Look, I loved it.

But I was tasting you with a side of aluminum zirconium.

But that... which is cool, if that's your thing.

It's definitely my thing. I would die without it.

Wow, sounds like you have a complicated relationship with your roll-on.

It's not complicated at all. We love each other.

I actually have a little travel size

in my purse right now.

And I'm not traveling.

- Here you go, Mr. Karma. - Mm.

Thank you.

- Your last name is Karma? - Mm-hmm.

Yeah, my mother legally changed our name in seventh grade.

She wanted my sister and me to always remember

what's most important.

- Your name is Adam Karma? - Mm-hmm.

You should have told me about that earlier as well.

See this?

This would be my life if I stopped wearing deodorant.

And this would be a bad thing?

Aidan? You wear deodorant, right?

Oh yeah. I rock a classic Speed Stick.

Yep, I knew I smelled

my seventh-grade J.V. coach.

See, here's the thing.

I'm not digging in a garden all day.

You're supposed to smell a little funky.

- I do bring the funk. Yeah. - I'm from the business world.

I'm supposed to smell a little...

Not human?

- Exactly. - Yeah.

Hey, bro, when you're digging around that garden,

you must have met the cat who lives under Carrie.

What's he like?

He's a meanie.

And what do you know about him?

Total meanie.

Hm.

"I've spent my entire adult life

"haunted by the illusive concept of Happiness.

"Is Happiness a myth? A gift? A skill to master?

Welcome to my version of Happily Ever After." Hmm.

So, happiness is an iPad and a cleaning lady?

I totally concur.

I think it's interesting. You know, the different versions

- of us as we evolve. - Mm-hmm.

I mean, just look at us now, compared to, say, the '80s.

I mean, think about the things we let go of,

and the things we hold on to.

Oh, my gosh, CASE IN POINT: this belt.

Um, got it in 1989 at Charivari...

- Aw. Aw. - ♪ ...on 72nd Street ♪

Forget the '80s.

Look at me now versus me last year.

I'm in totally different head space.

- That's true. - Like, Joy asked

if she could leave a bottle of gin at my house.

And it got me thinking maybe...

and bear with me, don't go off the deep end.

- Mm-hmm? - Okay?

Maybe I'm not an alcoholic.

Maybe I'm just alcohol-ish?

I am not familiar with that term.

Well, looking back, and you guys have known me forever,

I haven't always been an alcoholic.

- True. - Okay.

And I think the main reason

I started drinking so much

was that I was unhappy in my marriage, my career.

I was questioning my sexuality.

Yeah, well, I... I understand questioning your sexuality

but, um, questioning your alcoholism...?

Well, I'm just thinking that maybe I over corrected.

Maybe I'm the kind of person

who occasionally enjoys a cocktail

with her girlfriend at the end of the day.

Well, hey, listen.

You know way more about this topic than either of us, but...

So, are you saying that you've never discussed

any of this with Joy?

I mean, she knows I don't drink, obviously.

But right now, things with us are so

easy and fun.

Sitting her down to say...

"Joy, I have an announcement.

I'm an alcoholic..."

...just seems like it would be such a buzz kill.

Well, you know, maybe don't...

use that voice.

I'm having fun.

Do I have to be defined by my darkest chapter?

But you've worked so hard to get here.

Maybe Joy could handle knowing that.

Yeah. But it's so not sexy.

- Hmm. - Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God, here it comes again. - Oh, whoa.

Oh, the whole... the whole... oh, the whole room's spinning,

it's definitely...

- Oh, my God. - Oh. Yep.

- My... my vertigo is definitely back. - Oh.

- I... I'm just gonna go over here, and... - Okay.

And sit down and do that Epley maneuver thing.

- Yeah, yeah. - Oh, oh, oh.

- Let's just go slow. Go slow. - I got you. You're okay.

This show's primary goal

is to raise my gallery's presence on TikTok.

Sadly, that's where the art business is.

Ugh! Do you have any of the queer masters?

A... a Haring? A... a Basquiat?

Yes, I do.

Something large-scale, for my son?

I have large-scale.

Mama, my bedroom is small.

I don't have room for large-scale.

I also have medium-scale.

Yesterday, I looked at a few lofts for you.

I also have Warhol and Hockney.

I don't need a loft. My apartment is fine.

Besides, I'm never there.

I sleep most nights at Anthony's apartment.

Yes. Small and old.

You've never been there.

I wasn't talking about the apartment.

Ascoltami, mamma.

Faresti meglio a fermare tutto questo. Perchè lo amo.

I... I... I speak a little Italian,

and I did catch, "you love him."

Love who? Warhol or Hockney?

Anthony. I love Anthony.

Well, that brings the total number

of naked women I've seen in bed to one.

Oh, Mark, take me away from all this nonsense.

Show me something substantial that will last.

I hear you, Gianna.

I swear, she wants me dead.

I was followed by a car last night.

I had to duck into a bodega.

I'm pretty sure it was a failed mob hit.

She's not trying to have you killed.

Well, maybe not me, but she is definitely trying

to kill our relationship.

What does that woman have against me?

She doesn't even know me.

So, stop imagining you're a marked man,

and let her meet you.

Invite her to your home. Cook for her.

Cook for her? Yes!

I'm undeniable in the kitchen!

Just the two of you.

Just... the two of us.

What are you thinking?

I'm thinking, what is that woman lying face down thinking?

"Beats working in Starbucks."

I'm gonna go to the loo. Hold this.

Okay.

What did I say?

- Hello there. - Hello!

No, Miranda, no, no. Oh no.

Miranda! Don't!

Oh.

Oh!

- What the fuck? - Oh, my God!

Oh! Oh, I... I am so sorry. I have vertigo.

Is that even a real thing?

- Yes, it's a real thing! - Here, hon.

Up, up, up, up.

- You okay? - Oh, God, yeah.

Oh, my God.

- Oh! Oh, sweetie. - Ugh.

Yeah, definitely too much cum.

Ugh! Oh, yuck!

When we played together, it was electric.

She and her piano.

Me and my horn.

Hmm.

The vibe between us was magnetic.

- I have to leave. - Wait, what?

Oh no, but what... what about Michelle Obama?

I have kids, they need seltzer.

W-What?

Okay, okay. Yeah.

It's like I knew what she was doing

right before she did it.

We were undeniable together.

- Oh, I... yeah. Excuse me. - Mm-hmm.

Ow! That's my foot.

So sorry.

Is everything okay?

It's gone past "flirking," Charlotte.

It's now flirting!

What... what does that mean?

Did... did he... oh.

Did he make a pass at you?

His leg touched my leg, and not at work.

I played with fire!

I feel like the worst wife and mother.

Hold on.

Oh, my God, it's him.

He's calling me. What should I do?

Um, I... I don't know.

An... answer it.

You didn't do anything wrong.

I love you, and, uh, good luck.

Okay, bye.

Hi, Marion. Uh, it's not a good time.

Lisa, I'm... I'm with Terry Kirk right now from Higher Ground.

She's disappointed you had to leave,

but I'm gonna hand the phone to her now.

Lisa, hello. Terry Kirk.

Marion has been talking my ear off about your new project.

Tell me about it.

Hi, Terry.

Yes, it's a ten-part docuseries about

Black women trailblazers

who made historic firsts, like, uh...

I can't believe I came on "Bi-Bingo"

and got stuck with a dud!

And she knew exactly what she was giving me.

Jodi, if you're fucking watching this,

you're a dumb bitch.

I don't care.

And you look bad in yellow. I'm sorry.

Obviously, it was very steamy and sexual.

Mm. Me too.

I just, like, don't know what Jodi could be bringing

that I'm not giving, 'cause I feel like I'm...

como se dice, "the full package," you know?

Jodi brings flexibility.

Okay. So, maybe...

I will be playing Bingo with someone else tonight,

just because, like, you know, like,

I want you to be able to experience

whatever the hell you're telling me.

Um, and I, like, really don't want any personal, so...

There's no need to...

I mean, I still want to Bingo with you.

Right. Like, I'm, like... not in the options.

I'm definitely in love with Emily.

We have gone through so much together.

It's really intense.

But the sex with Jodi is insane, like, all of it.

Wow, what do you like about Jodi?

Jodi just brings this energy where you don't know

if you're gonna get your hair pulled

or your hamstring pulled. It's like...

So, she does this thing where she likes to take some bling,

and I, honestly...

I'm not here for it. You know what I mean?

Like, we can get it on, or you can go.

That's it, so it's one of the two, Amber.

It's not both. I... I wasn't ready...

You know what, you know what, you know what?

It's okay. I, uh...

like, so what that we weren't each other's first choice.

I think that, in the end,

um, we... we picked each other.

And I... I mean, that's what happens in life, right?

You... you move through it.

I mean...

But who the fuck was your first?

It... it was Jodi. It was Jodi.

I... I have to be honest.

Uh, it just...

I mean, it's hard. Like, being in this house...

After what seemed like forever,

the woman felt happiness had arrived at her doorstep.

Remarkably and quite unexpected,

like a magnificent red bird

which suddenly appears in the garden.

You hold your breath and remain very still.

Not wanting it to fly away again.

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