Original subtitles

- I hate you. - Understood.

But I might need a bit more explanation as to exactly why.

Your first chapter

is thrilling.

It's polished and it's ready to publish,

and how am I supposed to hand you my work in progress now?

Well, that was the deal that we agreed to.

But can we get back to the, "My work is thrilling" bit?

Oh, my God, Duncan, it is so good.

I'm so relieved.

Alright, this is mine.

And I'm so terrified.

Lily, what's wrong?

Diego...

broke up with me.

- Mm. - Ooh!

Alison, almond milk macchiato.

Poor Lily. Mm.

Breakups at that age are so Bronte sisters.

You know, I still feel a little of the pain

of my first high school breakup.

Well, it was only a few years ago.

Give it some time.

Kevin Moss. Mm.

Yeah, he said he was into me, but it was just way too much.

Mm.

Guys, that may be my brand.

That flower market can kiss my ass.

It took so friggin' long, I'll barely have enough time

to slap on a light coat of bronzer before she arrives.

Before who arrives?

Giuseppe's shrink mother

is coming from Rome for a week.

And I am not a fan of therapy.

I tried it once. He had all these insights.

- Ugh. - Like I need that.

Tidy up!

My future mother-in-law's on her way over from the Carlyle.

So, at this point, I don't even know

how I'm gonna get Lily out of bed.

And with everything else that I have on my plate,

it's the last thing I need, is for my easy one

to just have a breakdown.

Why? What else do you have on your plate?

Oh, my gosh, I wanted to show you this new ring.

Ah, questo caffè è così dolce,

piccolo e intimo.

È il pane

- ha un profumo invivante. - Si, si.

When did you get this? I've never seen this one.

- Oh, bene, look who's here! - Hey!

Mama, I want you to meet my friends.

- Oh! - Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda,

this is my mother, Dottoressa Gianna Amato.

Please, angel, why so formal?

We are all friends. Ladies, call me Gia.

Oh, it's so nice to meet you, Gia.

And your English is perfect.

It should be. I was born in Buffalo.

Made my escape at 19

- to study painting in Florence. - Mm.

I was going to be the next Botticelli.

The arrogance of a 19-year-old American, yes?

But I fell in love, so here is my masterpiece.

Aw!

- We love your son. - Then, I love all of you.

This gorgeous man must be the Anthony

I have heard so much about.

Ciao bello, I'm Gia.

Ciao.

Mama, this is not Anthony.

I hope his fancy, important,

head-shrinker mama

enjoys this fucking foliage.

- This is Anthony. - Oh.

I didn't know you were here.

Ciao.

I wanted to make the place look its best for you.

I appreciate the effort. Now, please, set that down.

It must be heavy for a man of your size.

Take it. Take it. I said take it.

Uh, so, welcome.

Uh, what should I call you? Mrs. Amato?

Gianna? Mrs. Gianna? Mom? Mama?

You may call me Dottoressa Gianna Amato.

I'm afraid I made a very bad first impression.

You have some makeup on your neck, yes?

Yes.

Hey, I think we should throw Charlotte a party

for her birthday next week.

Okay! Let's do it at my new place!

I've been wanting to have

a little housewarming there anyway.

Well, actually, I think it...

it should be a kind of bigger party.

And I have all that space,

plus you're working all next week,

so, um, you know,

- just let me plan it. - Okay.

Well, it doesn't have to be a big thing, though.

- It's not her 60th. - No, I know.

I know, I know, I just... I just feel like she...

she really needs to have some fun right now.

Why? Is something wrong?

Oh, no. What? What's wrong with Charlotte?

Is she sick? Is that what's on her plate?

No. No, no, no, no, no.

No, she's not... Charlotte isn't sick.

Well, something is wrong, clearly!

- Are the kids okay? - Yes, the kids

are absolutely okay!

- Okay. - Okay.

And Harry?

Is he sick?

Oh, my God! Harry's sick.

No! No! No, Harry is not sick.

Well, someone is sick!

You just, like, froze when I asked if...

It... It's... it's the dog!

Richard Burton has dog cancer.

He has an incurable tumor.

- Oh, no. - And he's dying.

Also, just don't say anything to her,

'cause she's really...

She just... she doesn't wanna... She's having a hard...

she doesn't wanna talk about it.

Okay, yes.

We have to go all out and make sure it's fun.

- All the fun. - Yes.

- Charlotte needs fun. - Yes!

Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.

I live two blocks away,

and today I was thinking,

why am I taking an expensive, dirty cab downtown

to get my eyelash extensions

when I can just walk into Lattes and Lashes?

Why don't you just take a Uber?

Here, let me take that.

Your nails are really something.

- Don't they get in the way? - The way of what?

Here, I'm just gonna put your pad on your face, okay?

Okay, ready?

Here you go.

You know, you don't have to rush.

I have cleared two hours.

Two hours?

I got three people waiting, diva.

- Period. - Three people waiting?

Oh, so you must be really good at this.

You are good at this, right?

I'm the best.

Hey, um... would you like to come

to my friend Charlotte's birthday party?

No, absolutely not. Deal-breaker.

Come on! It'll be fun.

Anyway, that's the goal.

Carrie told me that Charlotte's dog has cancer

so this party is supposed to lift her spirits.

Y-You buried the lede! God, that's awful.

God, if something happened to my dogs,

I simply don't think I could go on.

What's the poor pup's name?

Um, Richard Burton.

Oh, I would say something snide here,

but I named mine Sappho and Socrates.

Hello, you.

She hates me, right?

Giuseppe's mother? So nasty.

Um... I...

I think she was nice.

Yeah, but, like, nice-nasty though, right?

Like, Duck, Duck, Goose?

Nice to you, nice to Char, nasty to me?

I hate to confirm your conspiracy theory,

but, um, I am meeting Gia for lunch today.

Gia?

Now it's Gia, and it's lunch?

Don't get mad. She invited me.

We kinda hit it off the other day.

Ah, of course, you did, 'cause you're not me.

Oh, my gosh, Anthony.

I have to get ready. I'm sorry, I gotta go.

Go! Go! Have lunch with your "Gia."

But put in a good word for me?

What, you want me to pimp you out to his mom?

You have to. I love him, he loves me,

he loves her, and she hates me.

And what's with the fancy airs? And the accent?

She's from Buffalo, home of the chicken wing.

Alright, I'll try.

Goodbye!

So, yes, I... I write about love,

and men and women.

So, I'm always interested in other people's love stories.

There's so much to say about Giuseppe's father and myself.

Where to start?

Well...

I was 21, and his father was almost 50.

Hmm.

Shocking for America,

but for Roma, not so much.

Alessandro was my first man,

and after him, the only man I ever wanted.

Mm. That's magical.

Well... it wasn't all magic.

My husband's teen children loathed me from day one.

Nothing I did mattered. Infuriating.

So much so, that I dropped art

and dove head-first into Freudian theory,

just to try to figure out their psyche.

Sorry, I shouldn't spout on about stepchildren, but...

...I guess Sancerre is the gateway to truth.

Not at all.

It's actually... it's very interesting.

My boyfriend has children, and, um...

it's complicated.

Oh, so you're the enemy too?

No.

No, no, no, I... I don't think.

Well...

maybe with one.

So, do you have any, uh, professional perspective to share?

Don't waste years

trying to be who you think they'll accept.

Inauthentic beings never win.

Be yourself.

That way, at least, they're meeting the real you.

And just remember, it's always complicated

when a new love enters an established dynamic.

Hmm.

Well, speaking of new loves,

I would be remiss if I didn't tell you

that Anthony is one of the most authentic

and loving people I've ever known.

Maybe I have him wrong.

Well, how do you have him?

I'd rather not say.

- Hi, ladies. - Hi.

Oh, my goodness.

These are all the same?

Yes, all of these.

Harry?

Harry!

Harry!

Uh...

uh, hi, honey!

What... What are y... What are you doing here?

I'm buying Lily a "life isn't over" gift.

What are you doing here?

- Harry! - Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Uh...

I did not want you two to ever meet.

Well, Harry, do you want to tell her, or should I?

Tell me what? And bear in mind,

I cannot hear any more bad news.

Bonnie...

is my personal shopper.

She picks out all your gifts.

Birthdays, anniversaries, Hanukkah.

Bonnie, I would like you to meet your wife, Charlotte.

Oh, hello.

Nice to meet you.

- And you have beautiful taste. - Aw.

Uh, but I do not need a birthday gift this year.

And you should be at home resting.

That is what I told him. So brave.

Well, any needs, I'm... I'm here.

Charlotte, I love that you are wearing that blouse.

I wasn't sure if it was too bold of a color for you.

"So brave"?

You told Bonnie?

I had to tell somebody. It was driving me crazy.

Do you know how hard it is not to talk to anybody about it?

Do I? Yes, yes, I do!

I think I do!

You can tell Bonnie, and I can't tell my friends?

Bonnie is at Bergdorf's. She's not part of our lives.

Wha... It's totally different, babe. It just is.

Okay.

Let's go home.

Oh, damn.

I wanted to get you the perfect birthday gift this year.

Don't you mean Bonnie wanted to get me

the perfect birthday gift this year?

What, you want another Van Cleef and Arpels Lucky Animal dog clip?

'Cause that's me without Bonnie, okay?

Okay.

Come on.

Well, to what do I owe this...

What... wait a minute, what's happening? Why...

Why is your left eye smaller than your right eye?

Cute story.

- I was just at Union Square Café... - Mm-hmm?

- ...trying to land a big client. - Ooh.

And my cheap-ass eyelashes started to molt.

- Well, what's cute about that? - Nothing.

- Day-drinking is required. - Mm.

Uh, champagne or rosé?

Champagne.

Hey, stranger. What are we celebrating?

Clearly, not you finally finishing Carrie's yard.

Well, good things take time.

You wanna... you wanna come outside and see?

Oh, I don't do dirt.

Seema's having a challenging day.

Which is even more reason for her

to attend Charlotte's birthday party.

Did you just backdoor me a party invite?

I most certainly did,

because I need this party to be fun,

and no one's more fun than you.

- I'm fun. - Well, "Fun Adam,"

would you like to join us for a drink Saturday night?

I would. Yeah, we'll both be there.

Right, Seema?

Oh. Well, it depends

what I'm doing Thursday and Friday.

Wait, your... your left eye's a little red.

Well, of course, it is. I started taking cabs

for the first time in years,

and beyond being so unsexy,

I think they gave me whatever this is.

It's a loose eyelash.

- Ooh. - Uh, may I?

- It's clean. - Mm-hmm.

Make a wish and blow.

I wish Carrie's yard was finished.

Are you gonna blow?

Don't make me call HR.

Okay, I'll blow for you.

Gonna turn the water off soon.

Nice seeing you.

Well, what was that?

- Nothing. - Sure felt like something.

Well, he's got a yogi girlfriend somewhere

and I am way too busy building a fake company

to be building a fake relationship.

If you say so.

That's great, you can just put them, you know,

against the wall and... oh, here they are.

You guys can decide what's the best...

Ooh.

Did someone order fun?!

God, Miranda! Those are, um...

Wow, gosh, those are very pink.

- Her favorite color! - Mm-hmm.

Oh, where do you want the karaoke machine, Aunt Carrie?

- Um, is "not here" an option? - I told you.

You rented a karaoke machine?

No, I bought it. It was cheaper.

You said, "all out."

Nothing says "all out" like balloons and karaoke!

Isn't it great? They have confetti in them!

I'm here to apologize in advance

because tonight, there will be... what...

Wait, those are my pages. Are you... are you reading...

are you reading my chapter right now?

Just finished.

It's brilliant.

That opening sentence?

"The woman wondered what she'd gotten herself into."

It just stopped me dead in my tracks.

Really? I have... oh, my God, I'm so relieved.

And the way it flows is so propulsive.

Well, you may want to stop complimenting me

because I came to tell you

that tonight there will be noise upstairs.

A lot of noise.

Like, um, karaoke, birthday,

- Cosmopolitans-level noise. - Oh, I see.

So, instead of gifting you a hotel room,

which I did consider...

I'm begging you to join us.

And if, um, you know, you have any critique,

bad or, you know, I suppose good,

uh, you can tell me over a drink and karaoke.

Regrettably, karaoke.

I love karaoke.

Well, that, my friend, is what they call in the biz...

...a plot twist.

Oh, Carrie.

- The caterer's here. - Oh, already?

- Yeah. - Oh.

Oops!

Here, let me...

Could one of you give me a hand?

- Oh, hi. - Hello.

- Here, let me help. - Oh, okay. Thank you.

- Is that good? - Oh, perfect.

Great.

But do I have to come?

Well, no, honey, I guess you don't have to come.

Okay, Rock, so we're leaving in 20.

- Get up. - Mom said I didn't have to.

She obviously didn't mean it.

Lily, Mom's going through something.

I saw her sobbing in the pantry yesterday.

She's been totally stressed lately and needs us there.

Mom doesn't want me there like this,

and it's not even a big birthday.

You make Mom treat every one of

your birthdays like they're big ones!

The My Little Pony themed eighth birthday

with actual ponies.

Your Fortnite 14th?

The super weird, "ironic" Little Mermaid themed 17th

at the South Street Seaport.

The least we can do is be there.

I can't.

Get out of the fucking bed, Ariel.

For anybody in the audience

who's got a birthday today, happy birthday to you!

Smile! Over here, Mr. Burton!

Okay, maybe we should stop

and take a picture with the whole family.

Lily, come on, Mom wants a photo.

- Okay. - Maybe later.

Okay, well, why don't you at least sit up

because someone else will want to sit on the sofa too.

N... Uh, nope. Uh, hold on.

Uh, do-over with Charlotte and Richard Burton.

He didn't look at the camera.

Oh, uh, okay.

- Rock, I guess we're out. - Okay.

Hey!

Who's a Richard Burton? Mommy's birthday is today!

- Hi! - Hello.

I'm guessing from the proprietary heft of your door swing

- that you must be Carrie. - Ah, yes, I am.

- Is my swing hefty? - It is.

- Oh. - I'm Joy, Miranda's friend.

Oh, hello!

- Hey! Mm. - Hey.

Mwah!

Um, as you can see, Carrie,

we're a little more than friends.

Ah, yes, I already knew.

She kisses and tells.

- Here, I'll take that. - Oh, thanks.

Wow, quite the vocabulary.

Impressive!

Come this way, you have to meet the birthday girl.

Oh, my God! Is this Joy?!

- It is! Joy, this is Charlotte. - Ah! Oh!

What a... What a festive little hat.

Oh, yes. Yes, it is! And meet the rest of my family.

This is Harry, and Rock, and that's Lily over there.

- Oh, look at you! - And I'm out again.

Oh!

I've heard all about this living legend from Miranda.

Well, she was very adamant that I bring him tonight.

Well, naturally, you really have to spend

every moment you have left with him.

I wouldn't let him leave my side!

She's a real dog person.

Happy Birthday!

Hi! You made it!

Oh, and you brought Henry!

I invited him. Dude.

- Dude. - Harry, my man.

Oh! I am a person at the party.

- Herbert. - How you doing?

No way!

They have GEARDON Pro with touchscreen tablet karaoke!

Oh, they have karaoke.

Oh! They have karaoke!

♪ I had a dream my life would be ♪

♪ So different from this hell I'm living ♪

Oh, honey, he does not want my life.

He's either, like, 14 or 90.

- Last year's school play. - Oh.

♪ Now life has killed the dream ♪

♪ I dreamed ♪

Wow!

Um, okay!

We have a whole list of fun, "up,"

non-French-Revolution-themed party songs.

Please tell your son not to go again.

- Oh, now he's my son? - When he's singing karaoke,

he's your son. It's too much.

Who is next?

Ooh.

I could go again.

Oh, yeah, well...

♪ I'm hopelessly devoted to you ♪

Thank you for inviting me, Charlotte.

Oh, thank you. I need a little pick-me-up.

- Oh. - My trainer Mateo

is moving back to Portugal.

Now, who will I pulse and squeeze with?

♪ I'm out of my head ♪

♪ Hopelessly devoted to you ♪

Welcome!

I'm so glad you could come.

- Come on in. - Thanks, Carrie.

- That's for Char. - Okay. Hi.

- Thank you for having us. - Of course.

♪ Hopelessly devoted to you ♪

Anthony, what's wrong?

We brought Maleficent with us.

- Oh. - If it comes up, I'm 49.

Okay, I'm 53.

Fifty-eight, final offer.

Charlotte, uh, you remember Giuseppe's mother,

Dottoressa Gianna Amato.

Charlotte, please call me Gia.

Of course! Welcome.

Thank you.

If it comes up, I was never married.

Okay. Neither was I.

Oh my, so handsome!

I guess it's true what they say:

"When God closes a door, he opens a dreamy window."

Ooh.

♪ Copa ♪

I'm gonna have to send out apology notes.

♪ Copacabana ♪

Henry. Again.

Three times in a row!

Uh, I didn't, uh, expect this

to turn into a full-blown...

...one-boy cabaret, but here we are.

Henry, have some cake.

I think it's time for a little Girls Just Want to Have Fun.

- Am I right? - Just when you think

it couldn't get worse.

Okay, uh, let's have some fresh faces up here.

Uh, let me see. Where my girls at?

- Come and join me! - Oh, God. Can she see me?

- Please tell me she can't see me. - Let's, um...

- Carrie! - Yes?

Come on over.

We want Charlotte to have some fun, right?

Oh, gosh, thank you, no,

but I'm just... I'm too busy hosting.

Does anybody... anybody need anything?

- You're good? - No, thanks!

Um, Charlotte?

- Hmm? - B-day girl,

come on, uh,

I mean, like we used to back in the day!

N-No, thank you, Miranda. I'm fine!

Okay, okay. Who can we...

Hey, Lily!

Come on and join me up here, huh? Come on!

Girls Just Want to Have Fun, am I right?

Come on, are... am I right, Lily? Am I right?

Girls just want to be left alone!

Oh, sorry.

Okay.

N-No.

No one wants to sing now, so let's do gifts!

Girls just wanna open gifts, am I right?

Uh, we're gonna do gifts now!

I didn't bring a gift, did you?

I have a rule. I don't get gifts

for anyone who owns in New York.

I brought a candle, just in case.

- Great. Put my name on it. - Ooh, mine too.

We can't put three names on a $40 re-gifted candle.

Or can we?

- Mm-mm. Mm-mm. - Why?

- No. - Just do it.

She brought...

Well, what the Pirates of Park Avenue is that?

And since when does Louis Vuitton

- make an eyepatch? - They don't.

It used to be a fanny pack, but I was desperate.

- Aren't you handy? - The eye doctor said

I had to cover it for a week thanks to that infection

from that low-brow eyebrow technician.

Ahoy!

Me fashionable matey.

Mm. This was caused by you

sticking your dirty finger into my eye.

If you'd worked a little quicker

and finished the garden before I stopped by,

we could have avoided an injury.

Are ye gonna make me walk the plank, Cap'n?

Oh, Lulu, should we take the cake out

so it's room temp before we cut it?

- Sure. - Oh, thanks.

Oh, and um, we need more champagne.

- You got it. - Okay. Thank you.

Bring out more champagne, Lonnie.

Ooh, I think I'm gonna need something

a bit stronger than that, darling.

Oh, you came.

Well, I thought your karaoke warning was a bit dramatic,

but it turns out you were exactly right.

Show tunes carry straight down through the floorboards.

- And here's the next one! - Oh, oh, oh!

- That's mine! That one's from me! - Wow!

I said no gifts!

I'm afraid I've come gift-less.

Oh, I, uh, I actually have no idea what is happening.

This has somehow turned into some sort of strange

- birthday/baby shower mashup. - Ah.

Would you care to join me on the back terrace...

for a smoke?

Oh. I thought you were asking me to join you

on the back terrace to jump off.

Fendi.

- It's beautiful! - Aw!

We are fucked.

I didn't know if it was maybe a big birthday!

No, no, no, no!

Well, it's impossible to tell these days.

Everyone looks so good.

I know a woman, 80, whose face is only 50.

Yes, she wears a turtleneck swimsuit in the pool,

but, you know, the face, gorgeous.

I've been thinking,

and I'd like to know more about you and your business, Anthony.

Oh. Well...

Okay, that's nice. Ask away.

So, you're selling sex, yes?

Uh, no, I'm selling bread.

Yes, bread,

but with a bulge.

The uniform is all about sex, yes?

Well, I think it's more about fun.

Just... it's just fun.

So, you think sex is just about fun?

Interesting.

You seem nervous.

Of course, I'm nervous. I want you to like me.

Oh. Interesting.

Wow, gorgeous! Mm!

It transported me to New York.

And then I realized, "Wait, I'm in New York."

But the period motif,

which is... impossible, mind you,

I think you're really onto something.

Because it's such a modern sensibility,

but it's anchored in this completely grounded

and beautifully detailed tableau.

- The "woman"? - Mm?

She's vibrant and... and she's completely alive.

I'm serious, I think you should be really proud.

Hmm.

Whoo!

I need more champagne.

That's mine.

That was so unnecessary of you.

- What did you get her? - Well, I spoke to my vet,

and they suggested CBD treats 'cause they're supposed to be

really good for terminal-stage pets.

- So, I just got the whole lot. - No, no, no, no!

You're not supposed to know about the dog.

It's a secret!

Well, maybe, just maybe, you should have given me

that very important information a little bit earlier.

Oh! I, uh... Excuse me, sorry!

- Oh, my goodness. - Oh!

- You okay? - Sorry! I'm so sorry.

Um, I... I just realized, just in this moment,

that I've... I've given you the wrong present.

- Oh! - I'm so sorry, silly me.

I'm going to another party tomorrow!

Okay!

Sorry!

- Here! - Oh.

Now, I'm officially getting embarrassed!

Oh, a candle!

That's from Anastasia and me.

- And my gift will be a song. - Okay!

♪ Do I love you, my, oh my ♪

♪ Yeah, river deep, mountain high, yeah, yeah ♪

Harry. I just wanted you to know

that when the unthinkable happens,

of course, Charlotte will be devastated by the loss,

but we'll be there for her.

♪ Baby ♪

And that is not a re-gift!

There you are. Come here.

Did you tell Miranda about my situation?

Of course not.

You asked me not to tell anyone.

That's what you asked.

I thought maybe you told Miranda

because I told Bonnie.

Well, there's no way I could follow Janis Joplin over there.

Still, I did pick a song that I love.

But it's a duet.

- Ohh! - So...

would you do me the honor?

♪ Tell me something, boy ♪

♪ Aren't you tired trying to fill that void? ♪

You know how I said I was a fan of karaoke?

Um, I was, until very recently.

♪ Keepin' it so hardcore? ♪

♪ I'm falling ♪

- ♪ In all the good times ♪ - Excuse me.

Carrie, could I talk to you for a second?

- Sure, yeah. - Sorry.

♪ Longin' for change ♪

What? What's up?

Did you tell Miranda about Harry being sick?

No. I would never.

Well, she said something to him

about when "the unthinkable happens."

Oh!

No, no, no, no, no.

Miranda almost guessed that Harry was sick,

so I told her that, um,

Richard Burton had an incurable tumor.

Oh, no!

That's almost worse!

♪ In the sha-sha, sha-la-la, la-low ♪

Can I have another one, please? Thank you.

♪ Sha-la-low ♪

I think it's so...

What is the word I am looking for?

Tragic, maybe.

When someone older lusts after someone younger.

What do you think about that, Anthony?

Oh, you don't wanna know what I'm thinking...

Gia.

♪ Ahh ♪

♪ Ah, ha ♪

♪ I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in ♪

It's not about you.

Miranda thinks that Mr. Burton

has an incurable tumor.

That's almost worse for you!

Why does she think that?

Carrie told her that to stop her from learning about you.

And, yes.

I'm sorry. I told Carrie.

I had to! I was going crazy

trying to keep all this to myself.

Okay. Come on.

- Come on. - I'm so nervous.

- What? - Thank you. Mm-hmm.

Okay, enough with this whisper down the lane.

Richard Burton is not dying.

- Wait. What, is the dog sick? - No, he's fine.

I have prostate cancer.

- Harry! - Oh, my God, Harry!

But, but, but, but, but... we caught it early,

I'm having surgery next week.

They say it will be fine.

The real tragedy here is that I asked my lovely, devoted wife

to keep it secret from her best friends.

That was not smart. It was not fair.

So, now, you can talk about it

and then maybe she can breathe a little.

Best birthday gift ever.

- So, taxi cabs are "not sexy." - Mm-mm.

- And city buses are a "hell no." - Mm-hmm.

Oh, have you ever... you ever been in a pedicab?

- Mm-mm. - Oh, well.

Times Square.

You got gridlocked tourists,

Jay-Z's Empire State of Mind

blasting through shitty speakers right into your ear.

I had to get out of the cab.

I... I laid right there on Broadway, I said to the driver,

"Dude, just run me the fuck over."

Oh, okay.

An eyepatch and a snort. You're a real catch.

This must be so refreshing.

I'm sure your yoga lady doesn't snort.

Actually, um, there is no more yoga lady.

I ended things with her

when I smelled your perfume that first time.

Oh.

Well, I'm just gonna grab some fresh drinks.

Okay.

Mama, we should go. You have an early flight.

- I want to stay. - For how long?

Because I really need to go somewhere and crawl into a hole.

Oh, no, not stay here.

Stay in New York for another week.

But why? You... you hate New York.

But I love my boy.

Did you enjoy the party?

Too much singing for my taste. Shall we?

Oh, excuse me. Wait...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on there,

Cap'n Jaqueline Sparrow, you're not leaving.

- He's available. - Mm-hmm.

- I've got an eyepatch. - Mm.

So, I'm Irish-goodbye-ing.

Well, see, you're telling me, so technically,

that doesn't really qualify as an Irish goodbye 'cause...

Fine. I'm Indian-goodbye-ing.

- Okay. - He might be just drunk enough

to forget this ever existed.

Okay, this goes out to the girl

who has the most beautiful eye I've ever seen.

♪ Her hair is Harlow gold ♪

♪ Her lips a sweet surprise ♪

♪ Her hands are never cold ♪

♪ She's got Bette Davis eye ♪

♪ She'll turn her music on you ♪

♪ You won't have to think twice ♪

♪ She's pure as New York snow ♪

♪ She's got Bette Davis eye ♪

♪ And she'll tease you, she'll unease you ♪

♪ All the better just to please you ♪

♪ She's precocious, and she knows just what it ♪

♪ Takes to make a pro blush ♪

♪ She's got Greta Garbo's standoff sighs ♪

♪ She's got Bette Davis eyes ♪

♪ She'll let you take her home ♪

♪ It whets her appetite ♪

Maybe a taxi can be sexy.

♪ She got Bette Davis eyes ♪

♪ She'll take a tumble on you ♪

♪ Roll you like you were dice ♪

Trying to resist a pun here,

but it was a total joy to meet Joy.

Oh, yeah.

- Isn't she great? - Yeah.

It just feels so... I don't know.

S... Effortless?

Amazing.

I think people enjoyed the karaoke.

Sure, if that's the story you're telling yourself.

It is.

And now, you have your own karaoke machine

for all your future party needs. Oh, yes, you do!

I do not have room at my apartment.

And you have all this space

- for a party, remember? - Mm.

I think Charlotte had a fun time.

- Aw, she did. I'm so glad. - Oh!

Yay! Us!

And you and Duncan seemed to be having fun as well.

Kinda caught a little vibe there.

Saw you across the room laughing and sipping his drink.

Yes, I laughed and I sipped a drink.

What are you saying?

Wait, are you upset?

I don't understand what's happening right now.

We were just doing a fun little party debrief.

Miranda, I'm in a relationship.

Well, of course, you are!

I was just saying, it was nice to see you having fun.

I don't have fun?

I'm... I'm not saying anything is going on.

It's just...

- You know what? Never mind. - No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, don't... don't... don't do that.

It... it's just...

what?

It's just, sometimes it seems like...

...like you're working so hard with Aidan.

Well, yes, I... I guess I am.

Not all relationships are effortless.

Yes. I got it.

I... I know Joy and I have only been together for...

For what? A few weeks?

- A month. - Well, that's great.

Aidan and I are over 20 years in,

and it's... it's complicated right now.

So, yes, maybe I laughed and had a sip of Scotch.

I am allowed to laugh and sip Scotch.

Of course, you are. That's what I'm saying.

No, that's not what you're saying.

What are you really saying?

Nothing, just...

"The woman wondered what she had gotten herself into."

- It's in your book. - Well, I know it's my book.

How do you know it's in my book?

You... you left it here this afternoon,

and I... I picked it up to move for the caterer,

and I glanced at it.

Was I not supposed to read it?

I wrote that months ago. Like, months and months ago.

So, you're not confused now?

It's fiction. Set in 1846.

Oh.

Well, I didn't read that far.

So, it's not you.

Uh, well, I'm glad.

I'm... I'm sorry I... I said those silly things before.

I... I was really...

- Hey, the trash is all out. - Aw.

- Uh, I had to use your neighbor's cans, too. - Oh, boy.

You need me to do anything else?

No. No.

- I think we're all good. - Yeah, we're good.

We're good, right?

- We're good. - Okay.

Okay, well, we should head out.

Do you know anybody who, uh,

wants a top-of-the-line karaoke machine?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

You gave me that for another party.

Okay!

Hey, fun party.

That Henry kid, he loves a ballad, huh?

Oh, my God.

- Oh! - Oh, my God, that was crazy!

Goodnight.

Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight.

- Mm. Night. - Goodnight.

Oh, wait, wait, wait! Here!

- Take one of these! - Oh! Thank you.

You're welcome.

- Love you. - Love you, too.

Hello, you.

The woman held on to what she knew to be true.

Everything's fine, Shoe.

It's fine.