Original subtitles

- Hi. Eugene Cordero here.

They gave me flesh-colored underwear,

so we already know it's gonna be a great day.

(upbeat music)

- [Vic] Today, we're giving this comedian

a total transformation.

- Oh, great.

- [Vic] They have no idea who

or what they're about to become.

Once they see themselves in the mirror,

they'll have to make up a character on the spot,

and then sit down with me for an improvised interview.

- What is happening? (chuckling)

- [Vic] This is "Very Important People".

- You guys, this is so exciting.

(upbeat funky music)

What is happening? (crew laughing)

I got a bunch of bubbles on my bald-ass head!

I'm superhero-ish!

My eyes shouldn't be this close together.

It takes away my whole fucking thing.

Please, zoom in on some of the details

of the fact that my ears are missing.

Am I like an island?

Does something live on my head?

Am I mid-bath right now?

Maybe it's the color of the suit.

I weirdly feel dolphin-ish.

(Eugene mimics dolphin squeaks)

I'm straight bleach, motherfucker. (laughs)

Wee!

I just don't like the bald head.

I think that's what it is.

(bright upbeat music)

- [Vic] Vic is a good host.

Vic is a good host.

Vic is a good host.

Vic is a good host.

Vic is a good host.

Vic is a good host.

Vic is a good host.

Vic is a good host.

(Vic exhales pensively)

We all have a story to tell,

(door opens)

and sometimes those stories need

to be shared with the world.

Good evening, I'm Vic Michaelis,

back with another edition of "Very Important People".

Oh!

(bubbles burbling) (triumphant music)

Wow! What an entrance.

- Thank you. - Absolutely incredible!

Please introduce yourself.

- Sudzo!

You may have seen me over the last two weeks.

(pensive music)

- I have- - If you didn't

know me as Sudzo before,

you probably, if you're from this town,

know me as Frederick.

(pensive music)

This is for you, by the way.

It doesn't have any powers, that's just,

I just brought it. - Oh!

- Yeah, yeah, it has bubbles.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Well, fun.

- Oh, I never thought to like,

take the bubbles out and then swing at 'em.

- Oh, did you wanna- - Can I grab that back?

- Okay, yeah. Oh, no problem. - Yeah.

- So I'll sort of give that back.

These bubbles. Okay.

And we'll take our seat, thank you.

- (laughs) Yeah!

Ah, I gotta get another one of those.

- Sudzo, it is absolutely incredible to have you here.

As everybody knows, two weeks ago, the laundromat incident.

- I was there doing laundry like any normal citizen.

- Sure, unless you have a washer-dryer in your unit.

- Yeah, that would be nice. - Yeah.

- And was doing whites.

- And that elderly woman put an entire box

of off-brand Tide Pods in her laundry.

- I'm watching her do it.

- Why didn't you say anything?

- I mean, I wasn't a superhero at the time.

- Well, I mean, you could have just said something.

- Why? She's an older lady.

She's figured some of it out.

- The entire laundromat starts filling with soap.

- I thought I was done. I looked over at the old lady.

She was, you know, done.

- Yes, she unfortunately passed away,

'cause the hydro cannon sort of blasted her

immediately into the windows.

- [Sudzo] Oh, dang. - She did one of these.

- [Sudzo] Whoa! - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- It sounds funny.

- It was pretty traumatic for her family, I think.

- Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah.

And then bubbles started coming out of my mouth.

- Wow. - I'm able to

create bubbles, I believe, and-

- What do you mean you believe?

- Well, I've been trying to create my own bubbles.

The best I could do is like, make one in my mouth-

- Okay. Let's see. - And then hope

that it flies away.

- Okay.

Okay. (chuckles)

- Did it go up? - No.

- But, you know, there has to be something,

because, you know, when I woke up

and I realized that I'm still alive,

I looked into the mirror,

realized that I looked completely different

than I did before. - Sure.

- And was hoping there'd be something positive to it.

I lost the ears and everything, and I'm just like-

- Oh, I didn't even see that.

- Oh no, they're gone.

- Okay, how is that affecting things?

Can you hear what I'm saying right now?

- Weirdly, I can.

I think I can hear through my mouth

or something now. - Echolocation.

- Is that a superpower?

- I mean, I guess it could be.

It kind of depends on the range.

Here, let's test it out, all right?

I'm gonna sort of hide somewhere,

and you use your echolocation

to see if you can find me, okay?

So close your eyes.

I'm gonna make it hard.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Ah!

Ah!

I don't have it.

- Okay, so maybe, so then maybe no on the echolocation.

- Yeah, I don't have it.

- I was also really well hidden, so I don't blame you.

And I'm sure that there's lots of other superpowers

that you could have. - [Sudzo] Yeah. Yeah, I mean,

I feel lighter than I used to.

- Oh. - Maybe my weight

has gone down.

- Could that be from sort of the stress,

and also, have you been eating much since you transformed?

- You know what? No.

Everything tastes like cilantro.

- Oh, so then maybe that's it.

I have heard you've sort of shown interest

in joining our regional superheroes, The Justice Folks.

Is that true?

- I mean, if I could get with the Folks,

that would be awesome.

- We've got Great Man. He's the hero, he can fly.

- He can punch through walls.

- You have A-Lady.

- A-Lady is able to like, you know, always be first.

- She's first, she's shattering glass ceilings.

- Also a good listener.

And then there's Sandman.

- Sandman, of course, who sort of gathers the sand

and is able to shoot it back out.

Well, you had a meeting last week with Great Man.

- I met with Grape Man and Great Man.

- Well, Grape Man is famously the head

of the evil cohort, The Bad Folks.

- Yeah, and he's always so drunk on himself.

- So right now, we're sort of,

we're taking meetings with everybody.

- So I'm taking meetings with both,

just because I'm like, where do I stand?

I figured, let me get a suit,

so my auntie made this suit for me.

- It's a great suit.

- I kept the colors kind of bubble-esque,

just so if I decide,

not that anybody decides to go bad.

- Sure. - You know, they're just

traumatized by something,

and then, you know, the way

that they handle themselves afterwards feels negative.

- Are you considering going bad?

- Well, I just feel like I look terrible,

and people respond to me

as a negative thing- - No.

- So then I respond back of saying, "I'm here to help.

If you don't want my help, I can hurt you, I guess."

- Oh, 'kay.

- But that's just because I'm reacting.

- Well, I can see you're feeling a little bit torn,

so we actually have a personality test-

- Oh. - [Vic] We would like to help

run on you - Okay.

to sort of see if this can help us

figure out where our feelings

on this lie. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(mellow music)

- One. How would you describe yourself?

- Alone.

- Sort of a state of being, rather than a personality trait,

and that's really interesting.

- What do you mean?

- Like, how I would answer that is,

I would describe myself as a news anchor.

- Okay. Do put that for me.

- Well, you're not a news anchor. I'm a news anchor.

You don't wanna be a news anchor.

- Why? - 'Cause there's a limited

amount of spots for that,

and we're all sort of competing for 'em.

- Hmm. - [Vic] Okay. Next.

What usually triggers your anger or frustration?

- Everyone.

- [Vic] Everyone. Okay.

How do you usually approach big decisions?

- I handle them.

- Handle could mean so many things.

- Give me something that I have to decide on.

- What do you want for lunch today?

- Food.

- Do you want something hot? Do you want something cold?

Who am I gonna sit with?

- I want something hot, and I will sit by myself.

- Okay, so we'll say handle them. I think that-

- Yeah, I handled that one-

- [Vic] That's a fine enough answer.

- Really quick, didn't I?

- [Vic] Last but not least.

If you could sum up your personality

in a single metaphor or image, what would it be?

- I mean, now, it's a bubble.

- Fragile, but beautiful.

- I was gonna say easily popped.

- That's interesting, and your personality type is.

Oh, inconclusive. - Hmm.

- These things, honestly, I think are kind of rigged anyway,

'cause when I took it, it said I was a narcissist,

and I was like, that's not right.

So we'll go ahead and we'll get a PA to grab this.

There's infinite ways in which we can figure out

whether or not we're a good superhero or bad superhero.

- Yes.

- A big way to get into it is like,

every superhero has a big pose that they do,

you know what I mean?

What pose would you make if it was sort of like, you know,

oh, there's like, a little child in a tree.

- (claps) Kid.

- You're clapping at the kid?

- Yeah, he's in a tree, right, so-

- Why are you doing this?

- 'Cause I'm wondering what he's doing up there.

How'd you get there?

- My kite got stuck in the tree,

and so I had to climb up and get it.

- You went after it?

- I ran after my kite, and my babysitter got lost.

- You gotta get a new babysitter.

How much are your babysitter getting paid?

- $25 an hour.

- Oh.

- What? Can you help me?

- Yeah, I mean, I could do that.

- Then please do.

- No, no, no, no. I could be your, like, babysitter.

$25? An hour?

- Okay, so maybe we just do a different one.

- Wait, wait, wait.

Is this real? - What do you mean?

- You know these people?

- No, so this is sort of an exercise that we're doing

to sort of like, help you come up with some superhero poses

so you don't go evil.

- Okay. - Let's try a different one.

Okay, so maybe there's somebody over here, and they're like,

help, someone's stolen my purse!

- What was in there?

- A hundred dollars and- - [Sudzo] Oh.

Do you have a job?

- Yes, I just retired

from being an administrative assistant.

- Oh, so you got another hundred dollars.

For us to run after that feels like a lot of work-

- The purse is an heirloom.

- An heirloom, and you're walking around

on the street with it?

- Okay. - If it's an heirloom,

you keep it in your closet or you lock it up.

- Time. Time out.

And we're gonna cut to a commercial break.

(camera shutter clicks)

Hi, I'm Vic Michaelis,

and today, we are having a Mindfulness Minute,

presented by Chompsky's,

America's tastiest, heartiest, mindfulest chip.

Okay, and start the timer.

(chips crunch)

(clock ticking) (serene music)

(Vic exhales)

And time. (clap)

Amazing.

I feel better, and I know you do, too.

(camera shutter clicking)

And I just can't have you turning evil on my show.

- No, no, no, no.

I'm just letting you know

that all of these scenarios just seem really easy

to handle without a superhero involved.

Like, that purse scenario, I'm like,

if it's an heirloom and she's got a hundred dollars,

like, I'll take it, you know what I mean?

- You're saying you would steal her purse?

- I'll just take it. I don't steal.

- What's the difference between taking it and stealing it?

You know what I mean? It seems like a semantic.

It seems like if you're taking something,

you're stealing it- - Okay.

Then let's talk semantics.

Shit. What the?

- No. Hey, come on. - What is this?

- Hey, you cannot be a bad guy.

- Let's play a scenario.

Let's do another scenario. - [Vic] Just for this, okay.

We're gonna do another scenario and you're gonna do it right

and you're gonna be a good guy, okay,

because I need the headline to be,

Vic Michaelis Saves Another Person.

- Okay, fine. - Final scenario here.

Oh, I got a great one.

There's an entire office building that's on fire.

You run into the building to save everybody. So ready?

Oh no!

Oh no, the office is on fire!

- Get out.

Get out of there.

- I wish we could, but the door is blocked.

- So I'm stuck in here, too?

I'm outta here, man.

- Okay, no, you can't. And the door is blocked.

The door is blocked, 'cause it's on fire,

and you've opened it and you've saved us.

Thank you, Sudzo! Our hero!

- You didn't check this door?

- Huh? (laughs)

- You guys are idiots

in here, man. - Okay, so.

- What do you guys do in this office?

- It's an insurance firm.

- How much do they get paid?

- I dunno, they're making $100,000 a year.

- $100,000 each? - [Vic] You saved everyone.

- I would set that place on fire

and just take- - We're gonna sort of-

(Vic mimics bubbles burbling)

That's sort of a bubble noise.

- Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop. - [Vic] Okay?

We're gonna sort of shake that off.

- Hmm. - We got a fun segment

called What's In My Bag.

- Let's do it! - [Vic] All right,

let's have a PA fly in Sudzo's bag.

(mellow music)

- Did you look what was inside of it?

- Well, we're about to do that

right now. - I know, but did you

look through my stuff?

Hey. - Oh, no.

- Bro. - It's. No, he's-

- Did you look through my stuff?

- He's sort of, and it's okay.

No! No, no, no, no.

- I'm just wondering, like if he's grabbing my bag.

- We are so appreciative of our PA,

and we also can't let him talk,

'cause then that sort of is, it's a SAG thing.

So if we can go ahead and take a seat.

- I'm just wondering if he went through my bag.

- Well, we're about to go- - Before the-

We will, because it's a segment,

but prior to it, did he check to see what was inside?

- Maybe, and maybe not, and also,

I don't really see- - Just let me-

- Are you worried that he stole something

or just that he looked?

- Just give me his first and last name,

that's all, when I leave. - Okay. I'm not gonna do that.

- What's in my bag? - Okay, so first and foremost,

we have, okay.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5- - [Sudzo] Yeah.

- Red cups. - You see that movie?

- Which one?

Okay. (chuckles)

Oh, "Pitch Perfect". - [Sudzo] Yes.

- Okay, give us a little taste.

? Oh, what a feeling ?

? When you're dancing on it ?

- Okay. (chuckles)

And so there we go, and there's that.

Okay, next. Okay.

- It's tomato ketchup.

- So you just have a whole bottle of ketchup in your bag?

- Well, you know, sometimes, they have the wrong type-

- Of ketchup? - At a restaurant, yeah.

- They sort of make small packets for that.

- Mm. - [Vic] Okay.

And so you-

- I use a lot of ketchup in each of my things.

And every once in a while, if they don't have something,

I put some ketchup in a cup.

- One of your playing cups.

- One of my playing cups, and I just get a new cup, I mean.

- Sure, a cheap cup.

- I don't know. Is that cheap for you?

How much you make on this?

- I'm not telling you that. That's not important.

As a group, as here,

we're sort of all making the same amount

in the sense that we all walk out

with the same sense of accomplishment, right?

- Hmm. Everybody makes the same amount.

- No, it's very different,

and we're actually not allowed to talk about it.

- Oh.

- Okay. We got some soup.

Big fan of tomato sauces.

- I'm a big fan of things that are red and tomato sauces,

just because everything I do now is blue.

- You wanna be purple?

- Purple feels like figured some stuff out,

feels comfortable in their own skin.

- Sure. - They're different now,

but like, possibly in a bad way.

- But probably in a good way.

- But then purple is also like what a bruise is.

You know, like what a bruise looks like

when it's at its worst.

- Metaphorically.

- Yeah, and it hurts to touch,

so then it fights back.

- It metaphorically fights back by being good.

- It could, but I doubt it.

- Okay, well, you know what?

Let's move on to sort of our last item in the bag,

and that is, oh, a beautiful sixth place ribbon.

- Yeah, it was a singing competition

where there was only five people competing.

- Oh, I actually remember this.

Mr. Great got first place.

- Great Man's real name is Joshua, by the way.

- You can't say that.

We can't say that.

- Joshua Williams.

- Okay, we'll cut that. We'll cut that part.

- Obviously, it's him.

You know, he's the newspaper reporter

that gets all of the hot tips about Great Man.

That's obvious it's him.

- Ah, kidding! - [Sudzo] He looks the same.

- Just kidding!

- Just because he's got a tie, you guys are stupid?

Come on, man.

- That's a pretty bad thing to do.

It's a pretty bad thing for a good person to say,

and you're a good person.

- Mm-kay.

- No, not mm-kay.

You are a good person,

and I'm gonna find one good thing about you,

so that way, you can go and live your destiny,

which is to be a superhero,

and then I can get all the credit for it, okay?

- All right. Shoot. - How about this?

I'm gonna ask you some rapid fire questions, and-

- Rapid fire! (mimics machine gun blasting)

- No, that's a bubble wand.

Whoa! Oh, ooh! Whoa!

- Hey, that's mine. I told you.

- Sorry.

(mellow music)

Sudzo, what is your favorite way to relax?

- Just like sitting in a dark room.

- You like to meditate? - I like to meditate.

Yeah, yeah. - [Vic] I love that.

I have an exercise that I do, which is I say a word,

and then they say the first word that comes back-

- Oh. Okay. - [Vic] To their mind.

So I'll say like, friendship.

- Who? - [Vic] Okay.

Good. - Riddance.

- What about this? Helping.

- Hands.

- Helping hands! What a wonderful thought!

- Yeah, 'cause it makes me think of my hands

helping your throat.

- Like somebody's choking.

- Well, yeah, somebody's choking,

because of these,

and then there's a moment where you're like,

oh, you're scared.

- Can I ask you,

did you kill somebody before you became a superhero?

- Did I kill somebody before? - Well, you were just saying

like, helping hands.

You've only been a superhero for two weeks.

- I know. Isn't it crazy?

- I'm just having a hard time deciphering,

were you like this prior to this?

- Oh, before. No, I was Frederick before this.

- No, I understand you were Frederick-

- I'm Sudzo now.

- [Vic] Before this, I'm saying,

were you a sociopath before this?

- What is that?

- [Vic] Just somebody that can't

understand that other people have thoughts and feelings.

- Oh, I understand that they have thoughts,

but does it matter if you don't care?

- I think that's maybe a big part of it,

but you know what, I think that's okay,

'cause sometimes those that think different

can do the most good in the world, right?

You think a little bit different,

so you see things a little bit different and you can help.

- Oh, yeah. I see things totally different.

- Oh, oh, this is a really great one.

How would you describe your sense of style?

- My auntie gave me this light blue suit.

- Let's say outside of this-

- And I never wore tight stuff before,

and she was like, "It makes you look like a superhero."

And I'm like, "Does it?"

- Sounds like she cared enough to make something for you.

- I don't know. I don't know where she is now.

- How do you not know where your aunt is?

- Well, I said thank you

in a weird way, I guess.

- What? (chuckles)

- [Sudzo] I gave her a hug.

- Okay. - Like this.

- No. (chuckles) No, you can't say that.

- With my helpful hands. - Ah.

- Your judgment comes in

real hot. - No, I'm not judging,

and so we're gonna go ahead

and we're gonna ask another question.

Okay, how about this?

What are you gonna be for Halloween?

- I was hoping to be the "Blue's Clues" guy.

- Oh, sure.

- But I think now, that would look weird.

- Because of the bubbles?

Well, it's a costume. You can sort of suspend disbelief.

- I hope people could.

I doubt they will.

- So you're sort of saying the bubbles would be distracting.

- It'll all be distracting,

and they would, I could feel the judgment,

so Halloween is probably gonna be a day I stay in.

- And I think that's absolutely a fair and valid choice.

- And maybe I don't have a problem.

Maybe you have the problem.

Maybe everybody out there has the problem,

and maybe it's my job to help you solve those problems.

Maybe I should start fires in buildings, put kids in trees,

take people's purses, so that you, for the first time,

have to deal with it,

and make you realize that you're a bad person.

Maybe that everybody out there are bad people.

Is this one on?

- Okay, you're sort of rallying the crew.

So, you know, I think, you know, hey.

Hey, you know what? - How much do you make, man?

- No, you can't ask that.

- This one's got a tripod. You're holding yours.

- Sudzo. Hey.

- [Sudzo] So are you making more?

- Sudzo. Sudzo.

Sudzo. - [Sudzo] Think about it.

- Okay, so. - You can't.

I didn't give this to you!

- I didn't give it back to you!

- You're wasting the battery. - [Vic] Sudzo,

I think what you're not realizing is,

so many people feel like you, you know what I mean?

So many people feel like life has has been built up

around and against them,

and that there's nothing that they can do about it,

and what if you channeled this

and you did something positive with it?

You showed all of those people

that there's a way forward, and it's together,

and you could sort of be the leader of those people

and a way to make positive change for the world.

- So there's people out there

that believe the same thing that I believe?

- Yes.

- So I could have like a whole group of people behind me,

fighting for the same thing that I'm fighting for.

- Yes, exactly!

- [Sudzo] And that would be all of the people

that treated us the way that they've treated us,

so then ultimately, we, as a group,

(brooding heroic music)

could fight back-

- Are you monologuing?

- And get rid of all of those people individually.

- No.

- I can stand with everybody

that's out there. - I can see you going

to turn on the spotlight, and do not do it.

- Everybody out there, listen to me.

If you are hurt like I am hurt,

go out there and individually use your helpful hands

and put them against- - Don't.

- The throats of the people- - Don't.

- That you are up against. - Turn that off.

- I'm not talking about you with the tripod.

I'm talking to you that has to hold it.

Everybody who has to hold their own weight,

stop giving gifts.

Take your gifts back.

- Turn off the- - [Sudzo] Clean the streets.

Clean the world!

- [Vic] Unplug. And unplug it.

Okay, so there we go. Okay.

- [Sudzo] You can hear me, right? Ah!

Ah! - [Vic] Okay. Guess what?

If you're gonna be the bad guy,

then I'm gonna be the good guy.

- I'm the bad guy?

- Yeah, I think I speak for everybody when I say

I think that you are unfixable, so.

- Wow.

- [Vic] What?

- Unfixable? (somber music)

- No. - Woof.

- No, you're sort of saying it like-

- That's rough.

- [Vic] No. - Do you hear that?

- No. No. - I'm one of the unfixables.

I'm sure there's people out there

who feel like they are the unfixables.

The ones who feel like, oh, do I feel different?

Am I a former man with ears

that now has a bubble crown?

(somber music continues)

There's gotta be at least one other person

who was fucking doing laundry at the same time I was

and probably had the same situation.

- There was, and she died, remember?

- Oh, fuck. Yeah.

Tck.

I would've killed her, though.

- Okay, I'm Vic Michaelis, reminding you

to be true to yourself unless you'd rather be somebody else.

Goodnight. (pensive music)

- There.

Thank you.

- You had such an opportunity

to do something to make something of yourself.

- Oh, man. And I took it, huh?

- (chuckles) No.

- I didn't realize how good of friends we became over this.

- No, we didn't become friends, and I'm not endorsing this.

- How much do you make on this?

- No, I'm not telling you how much I make on this show.

(explosion booms) (dramatic music)

(bubbles burbling) (heroic music)

(victim screaming)

(punches smacking) (combatants grunt)

(cups clattering) (bubbles burbling)

(fire roaring)

(sirens blaring) (footsteps thudding)

(lasers buzzing)

(heroic music) (footsteps thudding)

(bubbles burbling)

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