Original subtitles

What happened?

Where? Find me a man. He finally got it in by dawn.

Yeah guys, I finally got it in.

Yeah, you won't believe the best part.

He's doing it in the kitchen, and Mrs. Warren walks in for a plate of cookies,

he busts all over him, gets caught.

throwing the cookies.

At least I got it in.

What did you do?

What did you do?

You wouldn't believe it. Your brother Eric finally got in with Donna. But then

your mom caught him and he busted all over the cookies.

What?

Yeah, looks like you're not the house slut anymore.

Um, no way.

I mean, Eric has just always been this way. He's just this little virgin self.

Don't be jealous.

Okay, you really think that you're the biggest slut in the family now, Eric?

really, really think that about yourself?

Well, you definitely have competition now.

Y 'all just that loser.

So I think I'm going to pass out.

Keep your eyes open.

Seriously?

You guys can get genes in the family.

and that's how it looks like.

So this is what it looks like I

love you so much

So good.

So we should have some fun, don't you think?

Just, uh, you know.

Do my thing.

What are you doing?

I'm just trying to get in your pants.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh, my God. Oh,

my God.

Oh, wow.

That is so good.

Holy fuck.

Holy fuck.

Holy fuck.

Oh,

yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

That's so good.

You can tell you can see?

Yes.

Oh. Oh.

Yes.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

My God!

Burn!

Those are mine.

I don't even care.

I had sex.

Yeah, Laura's definitely the champ.

I should've won her over.

I hate you.

I hate all of you.

Well, look who's the biggest slut now.

Eric, I don't think she'll ever be.

Previously on That 70s Hoe.

My what?

with that look.

You ready for some of this again?

I mean, I'm pretty much like a sex god now.

How are you a sex god?

Come on.

What, we had sex like once?

Um, yeah, but it was amazing.

It was a really good one time.

How does it make you a sex god?

What are you guys doing here?

What are you doing?

This is my favorite bed to shag in.

We're just talking about how I'm a sex god now.

Eric, you are not a sex god.

Come on, guys.

No way.

You're on sex like one time.

See, I told you.

I'm Michael.

I've been told that before.

I've had experience.

I have experience now. You guys aren't going to leave? Maybe we should show

them.

What are you guys doing?

Whoa.

Right here, right now?

Fuck yeah.

Show you what a sex god is.

Maybe.

Can you believe this?

When you're a sex god, I guess you have no limit.

I don't know if that qualifies.

You don't think this is weird?

What am I doing about this?

Quit being such a prude, Eric.

Yeah, Eric.

I mean,

no, I'm not.

No,

I'm not having sex right now.

Oh.

Come on, Eric. You just gotta loosen up a little bit.

Maybe that's too much.

You want to show them how we cut? Oh, yeah.

They can see this in here, too.

Why?

That's a true sex god right there.

Oh, you guys. Oh,

thank you. Oh, good.

Oh, good.

Oh,

good.

Oh, good.

Yeah. Oh, good. Oh, good.

Yeah.

Oh, good. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't want

to

leave.

Oh my

gosh!

Mikkel, though, you're not fucking my girlfriend.

I won't do anything that no one else wants to do, right?

I am, right?

Keep popping happiness here.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

that feels so good.

Oh, yeah.

I think Donna will have to turn.

Oh yeah?

Yeah.

Erick, maybe Donna could...

I didn't think you were actually going to say yes.

I don't know how you do it.

Oh.

Thank you.

What's that thing you guys keep rubbing?

It's our clit, Eric.

Watch.

I mean, I made you come, right?

Well, of course you have.

I want to sleep.

Oh, gosh.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

That is so good.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah

Oh my God.

Previously on That 70s Hoe.

Big trouble, Michael.

I am not having sex with you for at least a week.

Jackie, I have needs.

Well, you'll just have to need yourself then.

I told you, it wasn't even my fault.

How is it not your fault, Michael? I told you, I was just sitting there

a magazine and she came in and grabbed my dick.

And then she made you have sex with her?

Michael! Do you really expect me to believe that?

Jackie, is there anything I can do to make it up to you? Come on, now. Do you

have anything?

Maybe you can do something sweet for me.

I got it.

Go.

Sorry. I'll buy you a donut.

Michael, you're going to have to do a lot more than that to win my heart back.

Voila! I've got some flowers.

Michael, stealing flowers from my backyard and giving them to me is not

win me back.

Got him from the front.

Seriously, you're going to have to think of something better.

Kelso, man, what's happening?

You look like you're having a brain aneurysm.

I'm just thinking.

I don't know.

You gonna need to go to the hospital?

Very funny, Hyde.

Jackie's mad at me because I had sex with Lori, and I gotta think of a way to

make it up to her.

Don't worry, buddy. I can help you out with that.

You will?

Yeah.

Thanks, Hyde.

Hey, Jackie.

Kelsey just set me up here saying that I should have sex with you.

That it would make up for him cheating with Lori.

I can't believe Michael cheated on me with Lori, but this is much, much better

than flowers.

Okay, Steven, I'm done sucking your ass.

I want you to fuck me.

Okay, anything for Kelso.

harder. Yeah.

Someone's coming. Get under the covers.

Okay.

Michael, what are you doing?

I got you more flowers.

Obviously, those are the same flowers.

No, no, no, no. These are different. I know it may look like the same flowers,

but these are from the neighbor's yard.

Think more?

Did you lie to me, Steven?

You want to get back at Kelso, right?

Oh my god.

Steven, look at all that cum.

Oh!

Jackie? Hi?

I called Eric over here to come fuck you. You're already fucking high?

Yeah.

Oh!

Told you I'd help.

Previously on That 70s Hoe.

Jackie? Hi?

Oh,

what?

How are those cookies coming along?

Just fine, Red.

You didn't let Eric near the dispatch, did you?

No, Red. I was hoping you would provide the cream this time.

Kitty, you know I've been working late at the muffler shop.

Well, I wish you would pay attention to my muffler shop.

Now, Kitty, what does that even mean?

It means I still have needs, Red.

I have needs too, Kitty.

Like the need for some cookies that aren't covered in my son's jizz.

Don't ask.

Oh, Rick, go sleep on my couch or something.

Hey, Rick. Hey.

Can you see Jackie?

Um, she left with Ed a little while ago.

My girlfriend, Jackie?

Oh, come on. How am I supposed to get everything straight? You young people

change partners like musical chairs.

So, uh... Hey, Lori, am I right?

Oh, Pelton, you better not be going after my daughter.

No. No.

Of course not, Miss Foreman.

Good, because I've seen enough penis tests for the day, and I don't intend to

see any more.

Looking really good.

Huh. If I have sex with Miss Foreman, I could get back at both Jackie and Lori

for having sex with everyone.

Take these cookies and bring some milk.

Yeah. Okay.

Here you go.

Oh, thank you so much.

May I say, you look wonderful in that dress.

Really? This holds the date?

I was just telling Red the other day that my sex drive is through the roof.

Really?

When you think overworked, please have a seat.

Maybe I could give you a foot massage.

Would that feel nice?

Oh, I don't mind if I do.

I lean on your feet all the time. Yes, I am coming for everybody.

I'm going to feed you, like, foot massages.

Oh,

it's formid.

Do you dance in this formid? Yes, I do, too. Hi.

I wish Red would talk to me like that.

Really?

You're in great shape.

Eric has the nicest friends.

Yes,

it does.

Good.

Red never does this to you?

Now I've hit him on the head.

Oh, goodness.

You know, they say a woman's sex drive goes up, but I think I just forgot where

it goes.

Really?

Oh, goodness. Maybe I can help you.

Oh, well, you're helping quite a lot right now.

Oh, goodness.

It's really good.

Yeah, I was just... Yeah.

Oh, who are you?

I was the way you joined them.

Oh!

Oh, yummy!

Anything about... Oh my goodness.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Nice and slow. Do it nice and slow. Yeah.

Oh my word.

Oh my word.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, yes.

Oh, goodness.

Yes. Oh,

my.

Oh, goodness.

Oh, my.

Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my.

Oh,

goodness.

Oh,

goodness. Oh, goodness. Oh, my goodness.

Oh, oh.

Don't I get you a turn of favor?

Oh, goodness.

I know you don't have a cookie, but do you have something else for me? Oh, my

goodness.

Oh, my.

It's been a long time since I've seen something that pretty.

Do it again.

Oh my.

Oh yeah.

Oh my goodness.

I've been so long.

Really good. That's really good.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, I didn't know.

I still have some gas in the tank.

Yeah. It's been so long since they've taken me out for a spin, you know.

Oh, goodness.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, wow.

Oh, wow.

Oh.

No.

Oh, you're such a naughty boy.

Oh, really?

Oh, sorry.

You're such a naughty boy. Oh, my.

These girls teach you these things these days?

I just don't like it when I'm in high school.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Right there.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Oh, naughty.

Naughty. I do.

I didn't know, but I do.

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh, my!

Oh, my!

Ah!

Ah! Ah!

Ah! Oh, yeah.

Ah! Yeah. Oh, boy. Need to move here.

Need to move back?

Oh, goodness.

Oh,

goodness.

Oh, my goodness.

It's so hard. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

Oh, fuck.

Oh gosh.

Oh gosh.

Oh gosh.

Have a titty. Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. Oh, so cute.

Oh, you're so strong. Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Oh, my goodness.

That's amazing.

Oh,

yeah.

That's so good.

Thank you.

Oh, fuck, that's good. Oh, goodness.

What are you doing to me?

Yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes. Ow!

Ow!

I've got so many organs.

Are you going to have any at all? No.

You can't go without it, right?

Oh, yeah.

Oh my,

oh yes, oh goodness, oh goodness.

Mom?

What does it look like I'm doing, Eric?

You're embarrassing me.

Did another one of these dumbasses get their cum all over the cookies?