Original subtitles

Douglas! Come quick!

What?

Douglas!I can hear, Gordon.

You have a visitor.A visitor?

Well done, Gordon. Put their case by the desk in the hall.

It's not a tourist. Well, it is.

But it's not, it's...

Come and see for yourself. Gordon? Who is it?

You weren't expecting her, then?

What time are they coming, then? About three.

I hope they don't give the game away for us.

I told them everyone thinks we're married.

Took a while before they stopped laughing.Very amusing(!)

Jackie ain't wearing white, is she?

You should be happy she's marrying.

Why shouldn't I be happy? I was the last two times, weren't I?

Aren't you embarrassed about the shite you talk?"Shite"?!

Abby's gone all native!

Only thing I miss, having a natter with the girls.

Slagging people off.

We don't slag people off.

How do you know? Cos it's usually me.

With Jackie, you can just pick up where you left off.

I've got some good ideas for the hen night.

We'll have drinks at the Raeburn.

Donna and I'll pay for an open bar.

I thought I'd invite everyone else.

You think Donna and Jackie'll mind sharing the guest room?

'Course not.

Jackie's used to sharing her bed.

Not with someone she knows so well...

Put your claws away. Sorry, it's the hairdresser in me.

An extra pair of hands would make a world of difference.

I can't pay you, but I can trade eggs and vegetables for your labour.

A leg of lamb, as well, but don't be telling my dad.Suits me, Malcolm.

I'm not very good at saying what I should.

Managing up here, with Dad looking after Mum is no easy chore.

It's OK, Malcolm. You're welcome.

Good. But...where I was going with this was more of a man-to-man thing.

Och...erm... I know you too well to parse words.

Have you finished with Carolyn?

If you have, I'd like to have a go.

You look well, Douglas. Thank you, Rebecca.

It's nice to hear the quiet again.

I've missed that.

Takes going away to appreciate it, I guess.

Wee Hamish has threatened to visit.

He's a good boy, Douglas. You should be proud.

We both should. Well, he's more like you than me.

Has a good nature.

Doesn't run from his responsibilities.

I'm long past what happened to us, Rebecca.

You don't blame me? I blame you, but I'm past it.

You know I was right to go. In your heart.

How's my sister? I think she's very happy.Good.

Why?Why?

With Ron gone and all.

She has Carolyn, of course.

Have you not spoken to her? No.No?

I thought perhaps Mary...

Invited me? No.

How did you recognise us? I'm a detective(!)

Who's driving the boat?

I like a woman with a good sense of humour.

He didn't answer my question.

Can I give you a hand? You're a gentleman.

Easy to be a gentleman when you're helping a lady.

Sorry, Mrs Fraser.

Did you tell her we're getting married?

No. She was being nice to me.

If she'd only been sharp with me, it would have been a pleasure.

Don't be wicked. You've said nothing?

You're sure?I've been meaning to.

I wrote her a letter, asking for her good wishes. Then I thought,

"What if she doesn't give them?" I didn't send it.

So, why has she come?

I don't know. Do you?

I can't fathom it. Do we have to tell her?

Aye.Aye.

It would be the honest thing to do.

It's gotta be done. Douglas, are you frightened of her?

Frightened? Of Rebecca?

Of course I bloody am.

I don't normally let passengers stand up here.

You're sweet to make an exception. Safety first.

I'm cold.The water around the island can be tricky.

Cross currents.

I think I'm going to heave. Did you take your pill?

I brought condoms. For seasickness, you git!

Oh! Ooh!

You don't look good. I'm going to be sick!

Back of the boat's much safer! Poor baby. Come on. Deep breaths.

Go on back and feed the fish, darling!

Can I drive, then? Absolutely not. Against the rules.

Keep your eyes fixed on a point in the distance.

Current looks rough today.

Gordon's having trouble keeping the ferry on a straight course.

I'll go upstairs and talk to her, if you're anxious.No.

And I'm not anxious.

We can tell her together. I've worked out how to handle it.

I'll remind her how horrible she was to me,

and how everybody thought badly of her for leaving me.

Are you happy to be marrying me?

Yes. I don't want to hurt her feelings.

It won't hurt her feelings telling her she's horrible?

It never did before. Douglas, we're all adults.

We are. Let's not fool ourselves. She's going to react badly.

Put yourself in her shoes.

How would you feel if I announced that I was marrying your sister?!

Those were my shoes, Douglas.

Abby!Hiya, Jackie!

How are you, darling? Better for seeing you, mate!

Donna?!

Bit of a rummy tummy. Seasick. Oh, no!

At least she's not pregnant.

Oh, come here!

Are you sure you're all right? Didn't get any on my clothes, did I?

No. And none on the Ferry. You were very tidy.

Ta. Sorry for the bother.

No bother. Are they all as nice as you here?

No, I'm the nicest.

Kenny! Come here!

Current strong today? Not particularly.

You had your hands full with her.

I was just trying to be sociable.

Oh! Aye, freak current.

There you are, my lovely. Ta. See you later, yeah?

All right, Donna?Hi, Kenny.

You look great.Oh! Have you lost weight?

No. You saying I need to? No, no. 'Course not.

Just...I ain't seen you for a while, have I?

You remember me fat. Is that what you're saying?

No, no. I'm saying you look great.

Are you coming on to me?No, Donna.

There are sheep on this island that I fancy more than you, all right?

Oh, God.

Donna!

You look great! You lost weight?

A stone. You're sweet to notice. I'm so glad you two could make it.

I've missed you so much!

I hate to admit it, but you look happy.

Is he part of the wildlife? Jackie! Come on.

- Good to see you. - And you.

It's a...wonderful surprise.

I had the urge to see you.

You look great. I'm evolving as a person,

so I had a makeover.Really?

Cheaper than moving to Scotland.

It's small, innit? But you like it?

Yeah. It suits me.

We had to come. Might be the last chance we get to paint the town.

Thought there might be more town to paint!

Yeah, well, we can paint it twice.

I'll tell you what's odd for me.

We send each other a note from time to time, a card at Christmas.

It was always enough.

You don't change much as you get older.

but I don't believe it's true.

..and I missed you.

I'm in the middle of Glasgow with thousands of people around me...

..and I've never felt so lonely.

I should make more of an effort, I know.

Just like you to take it on your shoulders.

to look after me, make sure I'm OK.

The sacrifices you made for me.

I thought you pitied me.

Never had the wisdom to see otherwise.

You're my sister. Who else'd look after you?

Stop you being silly?

I love you.

I've been meaning to for years.

Alan's got a house in Crouch End and a flat in Malaga.

Ooh! A good 'un.

A nice bloke.Where'd you meet him?

He was the solicitor who did my divorce.

You're joking?! We had a lot in common!

He called me to his office the day it came through.

He seemed nervous.

He handed me the papers and asked me out to dinner.No!

Straight up!Oh, Jackie!

Six weeks later, he's on one knee doing the whole proposal bit.

Three dozen red roses, jewellery...

Feeling better?Bit wobbly. Does it ever get warm here?

He took me to Cliveden to ask me, and he bought me a car.

No!Talking about Gramps?

We're going to Barbados... Why "Gramps"?

It's Donna's little joke.

Because he's old, like 60, or something.

It doesn't matter if she loves him. Do you love him?He's lovely.

He's nice to me and the kids.

That's the important thing.

She's hoping he'll pop his clogs.

Not true.Just go along with her.

Give her a break. She loves him.

Abs, I'm the wrong side of 30, I've got two kids.

The best I expect is some bloke I meet down the pub who's in debt

to the Child Support Agency.

I've been married twice.

Love ain't high on the list of things that I need.

Why are you marrying him? He asked me.

He's kind, he's generous.

He's VERY generous, actually.

Same as being a prossy. Shut it! You're just jealous.

Do me a favour!It's hard to find a man who's generous.Exactly.

For Donna, it's hard to find a man at all.

Isn't that just Jackie?

Goes nasty when you get close to the mark.

She won't marry him just cos he buys her presents.

..Will you?Don't YOU start.

A three-time loser in the making.

You don't want to end up unhappy. I'm happy, OK?!

I'm not like you. I don't need to run away and pretend

I'm something I ain't. That's a bit uncalled for.

- It's the truth, innit?

- Wotcha. Having a good chinwag?

I did the invites. Gordon was keen.

Am I interrupting? Yeah, you are. Bugger off.

That is out of order. Don't talk to Kenny like that.

Why not? He's used to it.

It's all right... It's not all right.

You're taking the marriage blag too seriously.

I ought to go.Sit down!

You shouldn't treat Kenny like that. He deserves a bit of respect.

Where d'you get off winding me up about Alan when you've been

leading him on for years?

At least Alan gets his leg over.

Along with everyone else.You cow!

Just like old times.I don't make Kenny do anything he don't want to.

I'm not making Alan do anything he doesn't want to do. Bloody hell!

Just going to bugger off, all right?

Is that what you think about me?

Don't tell me you're surprised.

I forgot. I brought you a present.

It's got a little worm.

I hate the worm.You used to eat it.

Only if we ran out of crisps!

D'you remember when we could polish off a bottle of this in one go?No.

Who could remember anything after one of those nights?

Come on.

You'll not hear me saying a thing against them.

They're nice girls.

Are you wearing perfume, Gordon?

Aye. Smells like perfume.

It's called aftershave.

- Not you too?! - What? Come out for a party.

Something wrong with that?

Pint of 70, please, Douglas.

I'm all confused.

I haven't got an image...

..of, sort of, who I am.

I think that's my problem.

I mean, Tom Jones, for example,

he knew exactly who he was.

That tight-trouser thing, it worked for him at 20,

and it's still working for him now he's an old geezer.

I never had that.

Do I manipulate you?

Well, yeah, I'm putty in your hands, aren't I?

That's how they see me.

Somebody who lies, manipulates,

takes advantage of people.

You're only human, aren't you?

Maybe Jackie's right.

Most of what Jackie thinks, you can write on the back of your hand.

Don't worry about that.

It's not what she thinks. It's whatIthink.

You start lying to everybody else, you can't help but lie to yourself.

Oh, come here.

D'you care what I think?

Of course I do.

Well, I think you're a great mum.

You've got a big heart.

You certainly rock my world.

..Have I hurt you?

You better get yourself ready. Everyone's waiting.I'm sorry.

It's not your fault. If I had an image...that's all I need.

That's all that's missing.

I don't know what's wrong with me, Kenny. I look at you and...

You're just too nice.

If only things were that simple and I could just...Go on.

Go and get dressed. OK?

Kenny, I don't want to pretend any more. To anyone.

I just don't like myself for it.

Well...I like you enough for both of us.

I know you do. I wish you wouldn't.

Not Malcolm, as well! They must be witches.

Cast a spell on all of them.

Thank goodness for small mercies. Spoke too soon.

Malcolm.

You look lovely tonight, Carolyn.

I look the same as I always do.

Aye. Lovely.

Can I buy you a drink? If you feel you must.

Shandy, please, Douglas.

Shandy, please, Douglas. In a lady's glass.

How's your mum and dad? Fine. Thanks for asking.

The farm?Fine.

Thanks for asking.

Thanks.

Go on, talk to her.

You come all dressed up trying to queer my pitch.

I'm not!Just like you to ruin things for me.

Abby invited us for a drink with her friends.

Don't you be taking his side.

It was nice to see you, Carolyn. Enjoy your drink.

Malcolm...It's OK, Carolyn. You made yourself plain.

I won't humiliate myself by staying.

Can you not be friendly to him?

It's not friendly to lead someone on

when you've no intentions with them, is it?!

Do you have to be so hard?

I'm a product of my own experiences, aren't I?

It's hard to believe, but it's my shout!

All right, sunshine? Funny(!)

You look depressed.

Thinking about world peace?

Mrs Fraser says I'm really good at maths.

That sucks, don't it? Yeah.

Don't want to be a swot, do you? No.

Can't skive off now, cos she knows you're good at it.

Dear, oh, dear.

I'd be proud of you and think to myself,

"I KNEW he was brilliant."

- You'd be proud?! - I'd be bursting!

Kids'll make fun of you because you're good at it,

but that doesn't matter because you know that I'm proud of you.

And they can... You know what they can do.

Yeah. Sorted?

Right, you can get back to world peace, mate.

No!

Blimey, you're good at this.

Don't even think about it.Mum!

He has got a real talent, Abs.

He's nine! It makes it even more amazing.

Well done, mate! Alfie, homework and then bed.

But...!Go on.

I can't believe you did this. What's wrong with you?

They're pissed.

It was his idea.It's not like we were trying to lose.

- He's brilliant, isn't he? - Yeah.

He's a boy.With an amazing memory.

He counts cards! You should be proud.

If you're ready, let's go get busy.

We don't want to keep them waiting.

I'd better have a glass of milk.

Another toast?Here's to Jackie!

To Jackie!To Jackie! Third time lucky!

Oh, Alan.We've already done him.

Jackie has.

'Ere, fisherman. Going to strip for us, then?

Go on, get 'em off!Oh, come on!

Go on, get your kit off!

I don't think so. Oh, come on! It's her hen night!

He would've, but we couldn't afford him.

- I bet you get freebies, don't you? - No. Hire purchase!

HP!

If we don't drink more, this could be a long night.

Hen night. She's getting married and all.I see.

Is Mary here yet?Not yet.

Meeting her for supper. So you saw her, then?

Aye. Stopped by the cottage.

Had a good chat.Did you? So, er...?

Any good news?News?

Can I speak to you for a moment?

Rebecca...there's no good way of saying this to you.

Not that it's bad, what I'm trying to say. It's good.

What I mean is, er...

There's no way of saying it that makes it easy.

On you, I mean. It's not hard for me.

Och, I can see that(!)

Rebecca...Get on with it, Douglas.

I'm getting married again.

God Almighty, Douglas, are you mad?

It's been ten years, Rebecca. She could be your daughter.

Oh, good God, not to her!

Well, who are you marrying, then?

It's not like it's been settled yet.

Er...the lady in question...

Who IS she?She doesn't know...

..so I couldn't really be saying, could I?

Rebecca, Douglas! Oh, my stomach's grumbling.

Shall we go through, then, sit down?

You smell lovely.Thank you.

So do you. You cleaned up real nice, so you did.

Another drink?Why not?

Rum and coke, heavy on the rum?Ta.

A pint, please. Make it diet.

I'm worried about my figure.

A girl as pretty as you doesn't need to worry.

Oh, you're so nice.

I was sure you'd all be inbred.

Oh, that'd be Douglas.

Aye-aye! Gordon's on a promise.

Hope he's got some antibiotics on him.

Please tell me I wasn't like this in Hackney.

No, Abs. They're pros.

You were just a low-ranked amateur.

I shouldn't have invited them.

Looks like Alistair's about to become a statistic.

We can't tell her now, but we must tell her.

She's looking to make her peace. She would choose now to do it!

Douglas? Can a man get a drink around here?

He don't look inbred.

Abby? Mind if I take your fisherman home?

Nothing to do with me.

'Course not. You're married, right? Jackie!

I've had enough.

She's married.

I just can't figure out what she does for sex.

You're embarrassing yourself. Don't worry, Abs.

I won't say nothing about how twisted your little life is.

You make me feel good about myself.

Oh, you know I love you.

Has he got any talent, or do I have to train him?

He'll need some training, mate.

Oh, I don't mean to upset you, Abby.

You got something going with her?

Like you'll tell me the truth.

You're the mysterious type, aren't you, fisherman?

You all right?I can't watch this.

I've got to check on Little Jerry. I'll walk with you.

That mean it's OK, then? Yeah?

Get her out of here before it gets ugly.Yeah.

I'm sure they're lovely when you get to know them, right?

Rum and coke.

Pint, please.

Make it two.

Is she cross with me? I wasn't being funny.

It's not like she's shagging you.

She's gotta be shagging somebody.

I think you've had enough now, Jackie, actually.

Yeah, you're right. Come on, fisherman. Let's go.

I'd love to, but I've got to be up early...work and all.

Thanks for the offer. OK.

- He's gay, right? - Yeah, probably.

Are we going to mine, or yours?

Kenny, could you shut the door when you go...

..and make a note of what you drink?

I've had me fill. ..Let me walk you home.

Not yet, Kenny. Fun's just starting.

(Come on, it's your lucky night.)

It's all right, Douglas. I'll close up.

So...

No, no, we should go, Jackie.

Come on. Come on, let's go.

You're drunk.

I've always wondered what it'd be like with you.

But you won't remember it. Yeah, but you can tell me about it.

You going to be a monk the rest of your life? For her?

I'd kill for a cup of coffee. Rough night?Aye.

Be ready in a minute.

Getting too old to keep the pace? I'd never keep up with those girls!

Milk for you, Douglas.

Oh, morning, Carolyn. Coffee's just coming.

Get the number of the lorry that hit you(?)

Morning.Morning.

Morning. Got the coffee ready? I'll bring it through to the bar.

You look well, Alistair. It's very popular in here today.

See Gordon make a fool of himself?

He actually believed he was in with a chance.

Oh, dear. Live in hope, I guess.

Poor Alistair. Look at you.

What time did it all end?

SHE POURS A CUP OF COFFEE

Ta.

Oh, bugger!

Just want to go to the shop first, Alfie.All right.

Morning.Morning.Morning.

Hi, Jerry.Hi.

Morning.

Oh, thanks.

Morning, Abs. What a crack last night was, eh?

Abs, I know this looks bad, but...

Er...I-I mean...

..there's no "buts".

We'll talk later, yeah?

What happened, Mummy?

(Bugger! Bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger!)

You're a disgrace. You don't deserve her.

DOOR SLAMS

Still think I'm too nice?Why?

Alistair turned her down. She started on me.

Didn't want to disappoint her?

I'm not sleeping with you. You don't love me.

You virtually told me to piss off.

So what's your problem?!

You humiliated us. US?! You're worried about you.

How could you, Kenny? With her?

Blokes are insensitive like that.

Sap rises - they need sex.

All girls look prettier at closing time.

We're just a bunch of dogs. And I needed it, all right?!

Morning, Kenny. You sleep well?

Malcolm?Save your words.

Malcolm?I'll take these over to the south field.

Malcolm, I'm sorry if I offended you last night.

I know you were making an effort,

and I showed you no courtesy.

But Malcolm, I'm not the right woman for you.

How do you know?

Because I know you're not the right man for me.

And I mean you no disrespect by saying that.

I've got to get on with my chores.

Well, what are we going to do?

I mean, how can we make this right?

I don't mean to burden you with more troubles, you've got enough, but...

We can't pretend it didn't happen.

I mean, it demeans us all, what he did.

If we turn away, it's like we accept it.

That's not good for any of us, is it?

JACKIE LAUGHS

With the bloke on the ferry? What was I thinking?!

What I need is a good fry-up. Yeah, I'd love one, but I can't.

I've gotta fit in my dress. There's a ferry at half three.

You haven't got the hump?!

We was only mucking about. No harm done.

I can't be your bridesmaid, Jackie. Lighten up.

You can't back out. You'll have to find someone else.

Half three...for the ferry.

Alfie, see you tomorrow. Yeah.

I don't see any point in me staying, do you?

I won't give the game away.

Look after your mum for me...Alfie?

Just as well he goes.

What a silly bugger. Well, he's a man, isn't he?

They're all weak.

Right. We'll leave you to it, Abs.

Thanks for the great time.

Glad we bothered(!)Goodbye.

To each their own, but I don't get what you see in this place.

I'd go spare if I were you. Well, you're not me.

Thank God for that.

What's more of a mystery is why that tosser has always loved you so much.

You didn't force him out, did you, Douglas?

Well, he couldn't stay, could he?

Scene of the crime and all that.

So, I'm guilty, all right?

So, don't blame Abby and the kids.

You don't think lesser of them for what I did. All right?

Cos they're happy here.

You don't take that away from them.

Well, I'm done now.

I'm going, so you can carry on talking about me if you want.

We trusted you. We let you in. It's your own doing.

Don't think you can turn it on us.

It's adultery. And it's immoral.

You're the one who did wrong, no' us.All right, whatever.

He's done nothing wrong.

Oh, my God, they've an open marriage!

We don't have a marriage at all.

Kenny and I aren't married, Douglas.

He's my friend.

Not my husband, not my lover,

but my friend. We lied.

I lied to you. I wanted to live here,

and I didn't think you'd want a single mum with two kids.

You might think I was immoral, irresponsible.

Was I right to think that?

Kenny stood by me, helped me, lied for me.

And he loved my kids.

I don't want to hurt him. And I don't want him to go.

If he goes, then we all go.

You decide.

Take your time(!)(Shut up, Kenny.)

Alfie's doing really well at the moment.

Charlotte's settled in too.

HELEN: I don't know how Little Jerry would've managed.

Or me.

I don't want them to go.

You won't hear me condemning them, Douglas.

You lied to us.

People tell lies about some of the most important things, Douglas.

If the intention's a good one,

we can all understand that, can't we?

Douglas?

So...

..what are you drinking?

Rebecca?Come in.

I'm ill.

I was going to tell you.

I'm sorry.I'm on the mend.

Think of me that way.

There's something weighing on you.

You've always had the same look when you've needed to unburden yourself.

Douglas and I are getting married.

We wanted to tell you first.

Thank you.

I've never seen anyone look so dour when they're bringing good news.

..Married.

ALISTAIR: That's fantastic news! GORDON: Douglas, that's...

..just...

Mary...

That's great news!

People aren't perfect, Alfie.

It's the hardest thing, to give people a second chance.

You may need one, one day. We all do.

Subtitles by Neil Gemmill BBC Scotland - 2001