Original subtitles

♪ Their mission - save the world

♪ Fight any crime and evil ambition

♪ BFFs in action

♪ Fun agents

♪ With gadgets and passion

♪ One, two, three, girls Hurry up, you're gonna win

♪ Totally Spies! ♪

All systems are go. Copy that. Receiving coordinates for targeting.

Mm.

We're ready for launch, Supreme Leader.

At last... victory shall be mine!

MINIONS: Praise Alex! Praise Alex!

LAUGHS MANIACALLY

There's the bibliography.

Now you just need to write the report.

On it!

Weren't you and Mandy supposed to write that report together?

She's too worried about Zoozoo. Who's Zoozoo?

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

Oh! SOBS

Oh, Zoozoo! Mwah, mwah, mwah!

She's Mandy's pet iguana. Aw, the poor thing's sick.

Mandy's flying her all the way to England

to see the world's top iguanalogist.

You seriously fell for the sick iguana routine?

BOY GRUMBLES, CLEARS THROAT

Oh, sorry.

Alex, Mandy knows you have a soft spot for animals.

She probably made Zoozoo up so that you'd do her work.

Ah, nah! No-one could be that evil.

BOTH: Mandy can! BOY SCOFFS

Seriously?

BOTH CHUCKLE AWKWARDLY

You two always see the worst in people.

I choose to see the light... CHIMING, THEY EXCLAIM

LOUD THUD

ALEX MOANS

Oh! Nice lumbar support.

That chair is a part of your next assignment.

According to our intelligence reports,

the world's largest crime syndicates

are working together on a secret project.

Whoa! That is one evil org chart. What are they up to?

All we know is a name - Operation Villain Revenge.

That doesn't sound very hugs and puppies.

No, it does not.

Your mission, spies, is to find out what the operation is

and shut it down prior to any revenge-wreaking.

Cool! And, um, how are we going to do that exactly?

By becoming villains yourselves, of course!

ALL: What?!

The only way you'll expose Operation Villain Revenge

is if you join it.

To help you, WOOHP's created a villainous enterprise,

complete with a lair and minions for you to command.

Wait, you want us to go undercover as supervillains?

Oh, no, only one of you will be a supervillain.

The other two will be her loyal henchwomen.

I call dibs on supervillain. Hey!

Come on! But I want to be the supervillain!

Uh-uh! No way.

Nuh-uh! I'm way supervillainier than you two!

SIGHS Alex had dibs.

You two can be supervillains next time.

SAM AND CLOVER GRUMBLE

SHE SQUEALS AND GIGGLES That's my villain laugh.

Yeah, you might want to work on that.

Now, let's get your gadgets.

TOBY: Heads up! HE LAUGHS

Introducing the all-new plasma-powered jetpack!

Dibs! SAM AND CLOVER: Grr!

Not to worry. Ho-ho-ho!

Toby Claus has gizmos for all!

HE SCREAMS AND GRUNTS

LOUD THUD, CLATTERING

CLEARS HIS THROAT

These are confusion-gas-shooting sweet potato chips,

and this is a flyaway hair finishing stick

that actually flies...

...a bit.

I have got to get better at dibs.

Remember, spies, the minions in your lair are real.

You must behave like proper villains,

or you'll jeopardise the entire mission.

Now, go be bad.

THEY EXCLAIM

Yuck! This place reeks even worse than this mission.

ALL: Hyah!

AUTOMATED VOICE: 'Villains identified.'

MINION: Welcome, my evil ladies!

On second thought, maybe I could get used to this.

Greetings!

It's an honour to finally meet you, Supreme Leader.

Supreme who? Oh, yeah! Um...

Hi! Hi, everyone!

WHISPERS: Psst, Alex, you're supposed to be evil.

Right! I mean, uh...

Grr!

Yes.

Perhaps Your Radiance would like a tour of the facilities?

ALEX GASPS Awesome!

Lair tour, here we go! Choo-choo!

This is our piranha pool.

Their mere presence is enough

to make even the bravest agents gulp.

BELL RINGS

COW MOOS

Actually, it's a myth that piranhas are dangerous.

They mainly eat fruit. BELL RINGS

MINION: I work so hard and they don't even like it!

SOBS

KISSY NOISES, COW MOOS

MINION CONTINUES SOBBING There, there, Number 27.

I'm sure she didn't mean it. I'm sorry.

It's not often a henchperson knows so much about marine biology.

Oh, I'm just really into fish.

This is where we transform our minions

into ruthless gladiators.

GRUNTS

MINION: Now you.

Oh, uh, you know, I totally would,

but the dust, it really messes up my allergies.

Achoo!

Also, you should hitch that belt up. It'd really bring out your abs.

Stop giving fashion tips to the minions, Clover.

Well, this was most... unusual.

But I'm sure your presentation will go well. To the big table!

CHAIR BEEPS Whoa! Oh!

GASPS Ooh! Is that a built-in massager?

WHOOSHING, MINION SCREAMS

Oh, no! Is he all right?

He's fine. The lava pit's been drained for cleaning.

We're all ready to hear your plan now, Great One.

My what?

Your plan.

Your diabolical scheme.

The evil plot that will place the entire world

in our unmerciful clutches!

MINIONS CHEER

Oh, THAT plan! CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY

CLOVER CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY

Just make something up!

Right, sure. So, uh... my plan, um...

My plan is, um... is to...

Ah!

...tell everyone spoilers! Rarr!

GASPS No!

BOTH CLEAR THROATS MINION: Spoilers?

Yes! What's more evil than spoilers?

Imagine, it's time for your favourite show

and someone tells you that Princess Dragonia...

SINGS FANFARE

...is her own twin sister?!

MINION: She is?!

Argh! That is so not cool!

See? Your Magnificence, we have a lair.

It seems a waste to use all this just for spoiling television shows.

MINIONS MUTTER INDISTINCTLY

Got it. OK, so, I guess we'll do my other plan.

Ah, you have another plan!

Duh! And it's super evil.

I just need a sec to go over the deets with my henchwomen.

Eek! Ah!

"Into fish"? What was I thinking?

And me with the fashion tips! GROANS

And my spoiler plan.

Yeah, that was probably the worst part.

Maybe I just don't have what it takes to be a villain.

Hey, we'll figure it out.

Yeah, we just need to come up with a diabolical scheme.

GASPS

I need 30 seconds and one piece of paper.

Introducing the evil plan generator!

The what?

You'll see. Just pick a colour. And, Alex, you pick a number.

Blue. Four.

One, two, three... Got it.

We're going to take Big Ben and launch it at the sun.

Huh! It does sound pretty villainous.

We can't do that. It's a national landmark.

If we don't do something evil,

we'll never find out what Operation Villain Revenge is.

Plus, we don't really need to launch Big Ben at the sun.

We just need everyone to THINK we did.

Once the mission's done, we'll land it right back home.

Hmm.

BELLS RING

MINION GASPS, SPLASHING

HE GROANS

You really didn't have to come with us.

This could get dangerous. You're worried about me?

Sure!

You're not just a minion. You're a... friend-ion, right?

Right.

OK, Clover and I will take care of those guards.

Alex, can you and Number 14 handle the laser?

On it! I mean, yep, those are my orders.

Oh, I don't want to fight good guys,

especially not ones who have to wear those hilarious outfits.

We don't need to fight them. We just need to confuse them.

Hey! BOTH COUGH

Boy, we're really going to ruin a lot of vacations.

Indeed!

Can I ask, how do you not feel bad doing bad things to innocent people?

Not that I do! I'm just, you know, curious.

I understand. In fact, I used to be quite the do-gooder.

All I wanted was to help,

but every time I did, they took advantage of me.

That's when I realised everyone's a villain!

Oh, that can't be true.

MANDY LAUGHS IN DISTANCE

MANDY: That Alex! What a loser!

THEY LAUGH

And pose. CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

Can you believe she fell for the sick iguana routine?

Ha! Huh?

GRUNTS ANGRILY

THEY LAUGH, CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

Great one. Your henchwomen have befuddled the guards!

Give me that laser.

OK, everyone, say "loser"!

WHIRRING

GIRLS: Lo...

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS, THEY SCREAM

SCREAMING

Yes! Separation complete!

You're sure we can fix it later, right?

Positive. We're good for grappling hooks, Toby.

TOBY: 'Toby isn't here.'

HE LAUGHS DEVIOUSLY

I am Tobias, Toby's evil twin.

Separated at birth,

I was raised by a school of super-intelligent sharks.

CLOVER LAUGHS No time for an origin story, Tobias.

Just bring down the cables.

OK, OK! Sheesh!

Who's the loser now?

SHE LAUGHS EVILLY

BELL TOLLS

Hurry up with those rockets! You, I saw that look!

Give me 50 lair-laps on the double! MINION WHIMPERS

Say, does Alex seem a little... obsessed with power to you?

I want MY face on THAT clock face!

And where's my chia smoothie?!

SLURPS Um, you think you might be getting

a little carried away?

Yeah, what happened to "see the light" Alex?

More crushed ice!

I'm just being a supervillain. I'm not enjoying it or anything.

SLURPS

We're ready for the launch sequence, Your Gloriousness.

At last, victory shall be mine!

MINIONS: Praise Alex! Praise Alex!

LAUGHS MANIACALLY

Praise Alex! Praise Alex!

SPIES GASP, SCREAM

Ha!

MINIONS: Praise Number 14! Praise Number 14!

THEY GROAN

What is this?

Just a little thing called revenge.

Operation Villain Revenge,

it's not about the villains taking revenge.

It's... about you taking revenge on the villains!

Bravo, Your Radiance.

What? You mean, the minions?

What do they have to venge about?

Are you serious?

Do you have any idea what it's like to be a minion?

We're bossed around all day,

cleaning fish tanks, bringing smoothies.

NUMBER 27: Having our favourite shows ruined!

Yes, that, not to mention risking our lives, and for what?

You supervillains never even say thank you.

Well, no more.

Now the minions are the masters!

We're going to throw out the villains and unite,

creating a single evil empire that will rule the world.

Hurrah! MINIONS: Hurrah!

As for you, I hope you brought your sunblock,

because your next destination is...

London? Eurgh, must be a glitch. OK.

OK, where was I?

Oh, yes - the sun!

Wait! Look, the thing is, we're not actually villains.

I thought that, too, but then I heard you laugh.

You ARE a villain, Alex, just like everyone.

Take 'em up!

So long, Supreme Leader.

AUTOMATED VOICE: 'Missile launch in T-minus four minutes.'

This is so not how I pictured space tourism.

Never mind about us.

If Number 14 gets his way,

the whole world will be ruled by evil minions!

It's all my fault.

14's right - I am a villain!

What? No, you're not!

Then why did I "mwah-ha-ha"?! SOBS

Because you're so good most of the time,

you probably needed to let your assertive side out.

Exactly!

But that's not being a villain. That's just normal.

SNIFFLES Do you really think I'm normal?

No, I think you're the kindest person I've ever met.

Yeah. You're, like, the heart of us. You always have been.

SNIFFLES Aw!

Also, you're the most athletic,

so how about you stop feeling sorry for yourself

and get us out of here?

GASPS Clover's flying finishing stick!

We've only got one shot at this.

ALL: Yes! ALL GASP

ALL: No!

ALL SCREAM

Definitely the most athletic.

AUTOMATED VOICE: 'Missile launch in T-minus three minutes.'

We have to cancel this launch.

And shut down the whole minions-taking-over-the-world thing.

We can do both. We just need 14's access card.

Right, let's split up.

Whoever finds him gets to use the shower first for a week!

CLOVER SQUEALS WITH EXCITEMENT

Hmm.

MINION: So, you think my piranhas are harmless, do you?

Well, let's see what you think now!

Whoa! SPLASHING

HE LAUGHS

Hey there, fishies!

Foolish fish!

Hey, these fish are not foolish!

They're a highly intelligent social animal,

which is more than I can say for you.

HE GRUNTS

HE CHUCKLES DEVIOUSLY

ALARM BLARES MINION: Get her!

Oh. Oh!

GASPS Oh, my gosh!

You look so much better!

You're totally rocking that belt now.

MINION: It shows abs!

But boss say crush red woman, so... boom!

NUMBER 14: Why is it you villains never stay down?

Haven't you noticed? You always lose!

I'm not the villain here. I need that access card.

Oh, you mean this? Here you go.

Ha-ha-ha!

You think everyone's a villain, but it's not true!

Sure seems that way!

Look, I know what it's like to be taken advantage of.

It stinks!

And revenge, it feels like justice,

but in the end, it just turns you into the person you hated,

and that stinks even more.

Hey, can't we just go get a cookie or something?

I don't want a cookie. SHE GASPS

I want power!

SHE SCREAMS AUTOMATED VOICE: 'Blast-off!'

Huh? Oh, no.

Help me!

Whoa! Argh! Gotcha!

You... You saved me?

Duh! I told you, we're friend-ions.

SIGHS

CLOVER GASPS

Ah! SHE PANTS

Phew!

Totally busted.

Um, a little help? MINION: Get her!

On my way!

AUTOMATED VOICE: 'Solar collision in 15, 14, 13...'

Please!

SIGHS

'Four, three, two...

'Collision aborted.'

SHE SIGHS

I have to take you in now, but for what it's worth,

I promise we're going to catch every last one of those guys.

It's kind of what we do.

THEY PANT

Can you make them clean fish tanks?

Totally. GIGGLES

NEWSREADER: 'Big Ben returned home today,

'allowing tourists to once again look away from it

'while taking selfies.'

Well, well, look what the iguana dragged in.

I'll have you know my poor Zoozoo is still quite ill.

MANDY GRUNTS

Alex, here's some more homework for you.

Save it, Mandy.

You're a phoney and we've got the photos to prove it.

Now, are you going to do your work,

or do I need to forward these to the professor?

But...! What?!

ANGRILY: How...?

Library's back there.

MANDY GRUMBLES

SHE LAUGHS MANIACALLY

Uh, I mean that assertively.

ALL LAUGH

NUMBER 27: You ruined my show. Now I'm going to ruin yours.

Cyberchac is actually...

ELECTRICITY CRACKLES, HE GRUNTS

No spoilers!

ALL LAUGH

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