All language subtitles for Stuck.In.The.Middle.S03E01.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264.DUAL-C76_Legendas02.ENG

[Harley]Christmas is a magical
time of year in the Diaz house,

full of holiday traditions--

the fight over who gets to
hang the star on the tree,

the fight over
who gets the biggest stocking,

the fight over...

I'm realizing
it's a lot of fighting.

But one thing
we can all agree on

is making our pasteles.

I'm going to pretend
you didn't use those

to dig for worms.

Wait, how long do you
steam these pasteles?

Rachel, of course,
chose the one job

she could do without
looking up from her phone--

setting the timer
for the steamer.

She also chose to go
to France this Christmas

with her friend's family,

so the pastele train
is cut short.

I'll ask Mom.

Never mind.
You're busy.

I guess somebody
has to callabuela.
Who wants to...

This time of year,

no one wants
to callabuela.

Not because
we don't love her.

We have the bestabuela
in the world.

She even has
a T-shirt to prove it.

Will you come to Florida
for Christmas?

Seeing you all would be
the best gift I could get.

[doorbell rings]

[Harley]We always mean to,
but we never do,

which leads to our least
favorite holiday tradition--

disappointing abuela.

I try to make up for it.

Every year, I make her
a special ornament

of our family
for her tree.

But a special ornament
of her family on her tree

isn't the same as our actual
family around her tree.

Safer, but not the same.

[abuela]
Steam them for one hour.

I'm making mine tomorrow.

Nobody makes pasteles
like yourabuela.

I know.

They're the pastel-iest.

So Harley...

Here it comes.
The ask.

Are you as cringe-y
as I am right now?

Hot yoga's starting,
mijita, gotta run.

She didn't even ask.

Abuela's giving up on us.

We have to go
to Florida!

Right after urgent care.

Abuela's the only person
who actually wants
our family to visit.

She didn't even ask?

That's bad.

Next year, Florida.

We've been promising
that for so long,

even I'm not buying it.

Nowabuela's lost
faith in us.

We have to show her
we still have our act together.

You mean lie?

You always say Christmas
is the season of believing.

I believe we can do this.

You must also believe

that a giant money tree
just sprouted in the yard,

because last-minute
plane tickets will be
a fortune, Harley.

Hey, Rachel ditched us
for France.

That's one less
plane ticket to buy.

I know how we can
pay for the trip.

Don't buy us kids the big
family gift we picked out.

Huh. I guess
if you all want to...

Yes!

Start decking
those halls,abuela.

We're coming for Christmas,
and this year, we mean it.

Promise.

The other kids
are good with this?

You want us to give up
our pool table?!

[angry clamoring]

That is a ho-ho-
horrible idea.

[clamoring continues]

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Sometimes it feels like
things are outta control ♪

♪ Like you're living in
a circus ♪

♪ Tryin' to figure out
your way in the world ♪

♪ Where you're at
is kinda perfect ♪

♪ So turn it up,
turn it up ♪

♪ Do your thing,
don't stop ♪

♪ Let the games begin,
let's jump right in ♪

♪ I wanna get
stuck with you ♪

♪ In the middle
of the party ♪

♪ We're just
getting started ♪

♪ I wanna get
stuck with you ♪

♪ In the eye of the tornado,
rowin' in the same boat ♪

♪ I wanna get
stuck with you ♪

♪ Get stuck in
the middle with you ♪

♪ I wanna get
stuck with you ♪

It took four months for us
to agree on the pool table

as our big gift,
and now you want
us to give it up?

If anyone would like
to be my new BFTF,
there's an opening.

I knew we should've
went with crocodile moat.

This wouldn't be
a problem.

It'd be half dug by now.

Classic Diaz family
over-think.

I can't go to Florida.

I've spent months collecting
toys for the toy drive here.

Just drop them off
before we leave.

Drop off.
Listen to you.

The best part of the toy drive
is matching gift to receiver.

And I don't wanna brag,
but finding the perfect
gift for each person

is kind of
my super power.

It's true. How do you think
we came up with the pool table?

Are you eating pasteles?

You gave back
our perfect gift.

Maybe lose the judge-y.

I feel bad we can't go,
butabuela will understand.

She loves us,
even though we're us.

Okay, I didn't wanna
have to tell you guys this,

but when I called
her earlier,

she didn't even ask

if we were coming
to visit her for Christmas.

[all gasp]

What?!
No guilt trip?

No "seeing you all
would be the best
gift I could get"?

- 'Fraid not.
- We brokeabuela.

This all feels
so wrong now.

Guys, no one does
the holidays likeabuela.

Plus, a beach Christmas?

That's the best of
two seasons jammed into one.

So who's with me?

[all] Beach Christmas!

I madeabuela
my most special ornament ever.

Cool, huh?
Press the button,

and let it snow.

And best of all,

none of these little Diazes
have to shovel it.

Just gotta store it
somewhere safe.

We found
the sleeper seats.

Is that
the flight attendant?

Order me
a cranberry juice.

Guys, that's where
the luggage goes.

We didn't bring luggage.
Georgie's using it.

Beach vacation.

Harley, all you need
is a bathing suit.

You're not supposed
to be up there.

Santa knows when
you're sleeping,
he knows when you're awake,

and he knows when you're
annoying the entire
coach section of an airplane.

Eh. We've been
so bad this year,

we've already
blown it.

We're usually on the coal list
by Valentine's Day.

Santa's super old.

He's lucky if he remembers
to put his pants on

before he gets
in the sleigh.

These last few days
are the only thing
he's gonna remember.

Lewie, we got a do-over.

We're back in the gift game.

We gotta get outta here
before Santa sees.

Or Dad sees. You're punished.
Get outta there.

Excuse me, sir.
Don't be alarmed.

I'm just using
your left shoulder as a step.

He's not.
You're not.

[Georgie] Sorry.

Oh, sorry.
Sorry.

Merry Christmas,
or whatever holiday

is meaningful to
you and your family.

Excuse me, miss.
You're gonna have
to check that.

I can't. I already checked
five bags of toys.

He's for a very special
yet-to-be determined
underprivileged child,

and he can't be damaged.

I'll just put him
under the seat.

He looks bigger
than he is.

Oh! Piece of cake.

Do you like cake?
I love it.

Chocolate, vanilla,
marble, black forest,
Bundt.

You know what? You go ahead
and do your thing,

I'll make us a list, okay?

Why are you wearing my seat?

It said these can
be used as flotation devices.

I'm taking this
body surfing.

Why don't you use
your own?

We need those
in case of emergency.

They're your brothers,
it's Christmas.

Your brothers.
It's Christmas.

Whoever's assigned to
that seat isn't going to
like Deathnee sitting there.

That's the point.
There's always

an extra seat
on a plane.

So we need to make
whoever's sitting here
want to sit over there.

No one changes seats
to avoid a doll with
a bad haircut.

She's the first
line of attack.

Me and you are the second.

Sick or crying.
Which one do you want?

I'm not pretending
to be...

[crying and coughing]

It's too bad we couldn't
all get seats together.

Yeah, but, you know,

last-minute tickets,
kids can't sit in exit rows.

You didn't even try,
did you?

The kids are locked
in a tube with paid babysitters.

We got aisle seats,
and you're gonna question this?

Oh, here you go, sir.

This seat is empty.

"Welcome aboard
Where To Air.

Generic greeting
welcoming passengers."

Oh, shoot, I'm supposed
to fill that in.

Anyway, we'll be
dashing through the skies,

and reaching sunny Florida in
two hours and 15 minutes.

[seatbelt bell dings]

Look at all those
other dummies,

squished together,
sharing arm rests.

We are so
the smartest Diaz kids.

Hello, fellow travelers,

and Santa,
who might be listening.

As a special gift
for this holiday season,

please enjoy arm fart
"Jingle Bells,"

brought to you by the one
and only Lewie and Beast Diaz.

Yeah, maybe we keep
that Diaz thing to ourselves.

Yeah.

Feel free to sing along.

Don't call
the flight attendant.

Keep this between
the three of us,

and these are yours.

And there's more
where that came from.

I'm watching
Heather's Cottage,

and Lord Dalliwag
just died of consumption.

Do you have a tissue?

Please give me
a real challenge.

The parent pouch holds all.
Harley made it.

This puppy is
completely waterproof,

fireproof,
and thief-proof.

Thief-proof? There's
a dollar bill hanging
out of it.

[alarm sounds]

[Harley's voice]
Stop, thief, stop, thief.

Harley didn't explain
this feature.

[alarm and Harley's
voice continue]

Uh, do you have an eight?

Hit the bricks, loser.

You're supposed to say
go fish.

I know.

Party's over.

Nice try, but I know
that routine.

Even the plane's
telling you to leave.

- [bell dings]
- Put your seatbelt on.

"We're very sorry
to inform you,

but due to storms
in our flight path,

our plane is being
diverted to Columbus, Ohio."

- [passengers exclaiming]
- Ohio?!

That's nowhere nearabuela.

"We'll be landing soon.

Express sympathy and begin
final pass through cabin."

Shoot. Did it again.

Excuse me, miss.

My family has Christmas
plans in Florida.

How soon till we can
get another flight?

How many of you
are there?

- Eight.
- We can cut
this guy loose.

Well, based on
the storm and re-booking,

we should probably have you
there by New Year.

But we'll miss Christmas.

You won't miss Christmas.

You'll be having it
at the airport.

Okay, we need
a plan.

We are not "Christmas
at the airport" people.

Exactly. Our water wings
will do us no good here.

Unless they have
a fountain.

Does a fountain of bad
ideas count, 'cause that's you.

Leave it to us to travel
two hours to get

further away fromabuela
than where we started.

We'll have to wait it out
here for a few days.

If we're lucky, the airport
won't run out of cinnamon buns.

But we made a promise
to be there for Christmas.

Abuela's going to think
this is one more time
we didn't try.

And last year, we claimed
we were on our way,

and got diverted,
so we used that bullet.

We did? Darn.
There goes my big idea.

Look, I know we're
all disappointed,

but what can we do?

I know one thing
you can do.

Get off the plane.

We landed
20 minutes ago.

This isn't over, guys.

Flying's not
the only way to travel.

[all yelling]

[Ethan] Keep your hands
to yourself.

Just 20 hours to Florida.

Start the car, Dad.

There go the keys.
I'm just gonna
scoot the seat back.

Ow! That's
my favorite leg.

Sir, you must have
something bigger.

Sorry. These are the last
two cars I have left to rent.

Holiday rush and all.

We're gonna have to take
turns breathing.

When I inhale,
someone exhale.

[Harley] What about that?
That's the perfect size for us.

Some rock group
was supposed to
come pick it up,

but their flight
got re-routed.

You ever hear of
Pants Inferno? No?
Me neither.

But that's not
for regular drivers.
It requires a Class B license.

I have one.

With seven kids,
I'm always one kid away

from needing a bus for
basic family transportation.

I'll give you a deal on it.

But if you see Pants Inferno,
play dumb.

Rock star tour bus.

This road trip is on!

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

I can't believe
I'm saying this,

but I'm glad
our plane got diverted.

Forget Pants Inferno.

The Diaz family is rolling
like jingle bell rock stars.

And we're still on track
to be atabuela's by Christmas.

Stop the bus!
Deathnee's missing!

Deathnee's missing?
I know you had her
at the airport.

I saw the other passengers
recoiling as you walked
off the plane.

And I got stuck with Lewie
and Beast in my rental car,

because Deathnee needed
room to spread.

I can track her
on my phone.

I planted a microchip
after that day we spent

digging up the backyard
because Daphne forgot

where she buried
her alive.

So where is she?

Relax. She's only...

sixty miles away.

Moving in
the opposite direction?

We left her in
the rental car.

- Oh!
- We did what?!

All right, everyone,
just like we practiced.

No sudden movements.
Back away slowly.

Don't panic. We lost
Deathnee, but we have eyes on.

My chip has an RF signal

that will pinpoint
her exact location.

I've never been so glad
you're a nerd.

How on earth did we
leave her in the rental car?

Oh, this happened because
you were all too distracted.

That's it.
Devices here.

- Come on.
- Nope.

- But--
- Nope.

Put these in
your man-purse.

It's called
a parent pouch.

I'll also accept
dad bag.

Call it what you want.

Deathnee's on the loose.
Let's go.

I don't wanna make
another stop.

I've been holding in
my pee since we left,

just so I can
go in the ocean.

Me, too.
Press on.

Great. I'll let Santa know
you chose ocean pee

over your sister's
favorite doll.

Dad, turn
this thing around.

What kind of lunatic
would drive 30 miles
on unpaved road?

Maybe Deathnee ditched
the family and she's
at the wheel.

I picked the wrong year
to makeabuela a glass ornament.

We're approaching
a campground.

According to this,
Deathnee should be right here.

Tom, stop the bus.

Okay, kids, let me
and your mom go over there.

Uh, too late.

Play time's over.
Give it, girl.

Her name is Joyanne,
and she doesn't want
to give you the doll.

You've got two seconds
before I get all up
in that.

Sorry. It's just that
Deathnee's more than a doll.

She's my daughter's
best friend.

Her only friend.

She's not that nice.

I don't know who you are,
or how you found us,

or what strange family band
you're fronting.

We are trying to enjoy
our annual holiday trip,

and frankly,
this feels aggressive.

Oh, I'll show you
aggressive.

Whoa, whoa.

Merry Christmas.
I just saved you
a tetanus shot.

Hang on. What if Joyanne
gets a different doll?

I've got a whole bunch
for the toy drive.

She could just pick one.

No. She's mine!
I love her.

It's the only doll
she's ever liked.

She's the only doll
I ever liked.

He's got two seconds before
I'm all up in that.

I'll give you three
suitcases of toys for Deathnee.

But, Georgie, that's
your entire toy drive.

You've been collecting
that for months.

Yeah, but, what I love
most about the toy drive

is matching people
to the perfect gift.

And Deathnee
is your perfect gift.

Yay!

Campfire smoke?

It's called
emotion, Harley.

Did you not see
what just happened here?

You're a good
big sister.

But what about
your toy drive?

I'll have to get
more toys.

Not sure how,

but Christmas is
the season of believing, right?

Hey, look, a penny.

Face up.
It's good luck.

And we could use some...

...luck.

It's possible I forgot
to zip the pouch.

Ironically, the only thing
that didn't slip out of
Dad's hands was this.

This is what I put on
the parent pouch

to keep thieves
from grabbing it.

Yeah, my whoopsy daisy
slippery spray-sies.

Yeah, that's more fun to say
when I'm not this upset.

I just hope Santa
doesn't think this
was our fault.

Yeah. This has Lewie
and Beast written
all over it.

No, even you guys haven't
destroyed this much

this fast.

Guys, enough with
the faces.

I got Deathnee back.
This is all that matters.

And I thought
you and that doll

- couldn't get
any weirder.
- [laughter]

Daphne was right.
What matters at the holidays

is being with
the ones you love.

All our valuables were
melted into a doorstop,

but there was
just enough gas

to make it to abuela's
like we promised.

Who's ready for
the best beach Christmas ever?

Road trip, road trip,
road trip!

And then it happened.

[brakes screech]

My worst nightmare.

I'm gonna need to update
my worst nightmare list.