Original subtitles

Uh-oh.

You're a little bit under-dressed.

That's okay. You probably didn't know

that tonight is the biggest night of the year

in our house-- the fifth annual Diaz awards.

All of us kids vote on the best, worst,

and most Diaz-y moments of the year.

Then we have this amazing party to announce the winners.

It's really the only swanky party

our family has a chance of being invited to.

Here come the nominees now.

Rachel, are you excited about tonight's festivities?

- Well, Tom... - Ooh, still Dad.

Winning a Diaz award would just be a bonus,

because family is everything.

Uh, could ya? I'd like this to just be me.

HARLEY:This all may seem silly to you,

but every family has their goofy competitions.

Some play board games, we do this.

It started when we were all snowed in,

and told our favorite family stories.

And over the years, just like our family,

it kept getting bigger and bigger.

She's wearing Daphne Diaz.

- Ooh, okay. - I designed it myself.

Sparkling Juice

Lewie, who are you wearing tonight?

Ethan Diaz.

From my finest Easter suit hand-me-down collection.

- No tie. - Thought I'd keep it casual.

I thought I'd keep it more casual.

Rethink that. Pants are not optional.

And like any good family game,

this is the competition.

RACHEL ♪ GEORGIE ♪ ETHAN ♪

HARLEY **LEWIE BEAST ♪ DAPHNE ♪

At the end of the night, whoever has the most trophies

wins the biggest award of all--

Diaz of the year--

which comes with the most important prize of all.

♪ I'm the winner, you are the loser ♪

- ♪ I'm the winner... ♪ - Bragging rights. - ♪ You are the loser ♪

Well, Mom and Dad tallied up all the votes.

I have no idea who the winners are,

but the results are right in here.

Wow, they really amped up security this year.

Oh, no, I just didn't want to lose Dad's briefcase.

A grown man should not be carrying business papers

in a tackle box.

Come on, guys, have a seat.

We didn't rent these fancy folding chairs for nothing.

Get ready.

The big award show is about to begin.

You know what, maybe you should go put on something nice.

Don't worry, I'll save you a seat.

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Sometimes it feels like things are outta control ♪

♪ Like you're living in a circus ♪

♪ Tryin' to figure out your way in the world ♪

♪ Where you're at is kinda perfect ♪

♪ So turn it up, turn it up ♪

♪ Do your thing, don't stop ♪

♪ Let the games begin, let's jump right in ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

♪ In the middle of the party ♪

♪ We're just getting started ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

♪ In the eye of the tornado, rowin' in the same boat ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

♪ Get stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

Disney Stuck IN THE MIDDLe

5th Annual Diaz Awards

I want to thank everyone for coming out tonight.

Especially Dad, who sacrificed

his hour in the bathroom to be here.

- (laughter) - (cymbal crash)

ESPECIALLY DAD WHO SACRIFICED HIS HOUR IN THE BATH Room

AND THAT'SOUR SHOW. THANKS, FOLKS!

And that's our show, folks, thank you.

GEORGIE: What?!

Beast, wrong card.

( orchestral wrap-up music plays )

You changed?

It's awards night, so I have to go full throttle.

I have a lot of dresses,

and glamour only comes to this house once a year.

Let's start the awards off with a bang.

Best wipeout, also known as, times my heart stopped.

And the nominees are:

Daphne for zippety laundry joy ride.

Yeah!

THE 5th Annual Diaz Awards

Can I help?

Yes. Just stand there and don't bug me.

She left us alone.

This is really more on her.

DAPHNE: Wheeee!

(crash)

Are you okay?

Except for the smell.

Georgie for reeling in a big one.

Harley for bike blowout.

MegaMart Customer Parking

(yells)

And the Diaz goes to...

- Daphne! - Thank you.

Thank you guys so much. Thank you.

( recorded laughter and cheering )

No one would believe I would be up here tonight,

except Deathne. You're my rock, girl.

I can't believe I had to rent an extra chair for her.

In a big family, sometimes, you just need to be someone else.

This is the award for the best Diaz

in the role of a non-Diaz.

The nominees are:

Daphne in the role of little lady.

TOM'S BAIT BITE

Excuse me, my esteemed siblings.

May I have a large Kendrick Lamarmalade, please?

What is she wearing?

What is she saying?

The last time I heard her say please was,

"Please let me pull your scab off."

I said no, she did it anyway.

And may I say, Harley,

that outfit is so cu-ute.

Thanks!

Thank you for my beverage.

It's most refreshing.

Get out of here, you're freaking us out.

Ethan, Lewie and Beast,

in the role of the Buenos Diaz trio.

When they brought up the idea of a boy band,

I was skeptical.

But every musician has to start somewhere,

and it looks like I'm starting with

Buenos Three-az.

Five, six, seven, eight--

Wait. I missed one through four.

I have a feeling that's not gonna matter. Hit it.

♪ ♪

BUENOS THREE - AZ

BUENOS YOU AND ME - AZ

DO A SPELLING BEE - AZ

A - B - C - DIAZ

Who needs guitar rock

when you can do... whatever the heck that was?

Harley in the role of Ellie.

Ah, yes, bird calls. The calls that come from birds.

Seagull, seagull.

Crow, crow.

Uh, cardinal.

I find it hard to believe that those are actual bird calls.

- Hey. - That's a pigeon.

I'm only giving you half credit.

And the Diaz goes to...

- Buenos Three-az! - Yes!

I knew it!

I was just thinking.

You've never won Diaz of the year. It's weird.

Huh. Never thought about it.

Well, I sure have.

I mean, who does more amazing stuff for this family than you?

Middle kid. Kind of get used to not being noticed.

You never get used to it.

It hurts every time, but I don't wanna be all,

"Wah, I do good stuff, and nobody gives me awards."

People wanna vote for a winner, not a whiner.

And that's what I'm going to be.

A winner.

Don't worry. I think this is your year.

I voted for you for best dance.

It's up next. Good luck.

Have you seen the key from Ethan's magic kit?

No. Those keys were the only thing

he could make disappear.

Dance.

You need rhythm, footwork, and coordination.

Also, the things you need to cross the living room

- without breaking your ankle. - (rim shot, cymbal crash)

And the nominees are:

Me and Ethan for the electric Easter slide.

This is so easy.

Don't get too cocky. There's a spin coming up.

♪ ♪

Oh, we're nailin' this.

Hey, do you think there's a lot of work

for father-son electric slide duos?

There will be, son.

There will be. And...

Harley, for Harley after dark.

HARLEY AFTER DARK

MAN:Stay tuned for hour six of the dance all-nighter.

Ooh, I'm all about that.

And Georgie for thequinceañera dance.

♪ ♪

And the Diaz goes to...

Georgie!

I won!

Can you hold this for me?

Actually, can you just come with?

Thank you, guys.

I will cherish this award for the rest of my life.

That being said, I'd gladly trade it

for the keys to these handcuffs.

(applause)

I still haven't won any awards.

I'm going to have to play catch-up if this is my year.

But there's still plenty of trophies to hand out.

There's no reason I can't turn this around.

Photos!

Harley, could ya...

I just want shots of winners.

Lower.

HARLEY:And now, back to the fifth annual Diaz awards.

Thanks for voting me least involved Diaz.

It takes a lot more effort than you think.

If you're keeping score at home,

you and I have the same exact number of awards.

Zero!

I mean, if I want a shot at being Diaz of the year,

I've gotta start bringing home some bling.

Now you all like to complain about my cooking.

But let's look back on the best worst recipe

you guys made this year.

And the nominees are...

Rachel, Lewie and Beast, for surf and flurf casserole.

I took a classic, and kicked it up a notch.

Tuna casserole with layers of marshmallow fluff.

I call it surf and flurf.

They say no one should eat alone.

- It almost looks too good to eat. - Same time then?

I'm out!

There's no way I'm eating the flurf and barf.

Do I criticize your cooking? (scoffs)

See, it's not so easy putting a meal on the table every night.

You're right. Even cooking gross food is hard work.

At least yours is sorta edible.

We promise not to complain from now on about dinner.

Everything else is still fair game.

Are you gonna finish that?

Ethan, for very well done strawberry pie.

And let's be clear.

We don't mean that it was done well.

(laughter)

So you want in on my strawberry pie, huh?

I guess I can share the glory.

I'm sure it tastes better than it looks.

And Georgie for...

la-sagna.

As a guest of honor,

you get the biggest pieces of la-sagna.

This is really spicy.

I don't know why.

I just added a little salt and oregan... oh, my goodness!

Georgie, did you put something in here?

Just a half cup of our Latino heritage.

Oh, what the heck?

The scorpion peppers?!

I just wanted to make sure Laurie liked it.

I can't get it off!

And the... I guess you can call it winner, is...

Rachel, Lewie and Beast, for surf and flurf.

BEAST: Thank you, everyone.

Thank you once more!

Next up, the category so good,

we don't mind ratting ourselves out.

The award for the best thing Mom and Dad didn't see.

And the nominees are:

all of us for plan to pay the cabana bill.

We have to figure out a way to pay this cabana bill,

or we'll never go on vacation again.

Beast and I know how to get the money.

Finally, someone with a plan.

I don't know if you noticed,

but there is a giant pirate chest in the park.

No one's even guarding it.

Yeah.

That's fake, dummies!

Aw!

There goes our plan to buy a ping-pong table,

and an island.

Harley and Rachel for living room snowstorm.

(shrieking)

What is the...

How great is this?

Looks like somebody got a visit from the eyebrow fairy.

Ironic. She's making an angel.

And Harley for hiding an exchange student

in our house.

Lights out, boys.

Sabers too.

Quickly. Dive and divert.

What's going on down there?

Nothing. Just relaxing on the couch

like a normal girl who didn't just meet her soulmate.

(yawns) Okay, sounds good. Don't stay up too late.

I'd like to speak to the manager.

And the Diaz goes to...

me for hiding an exchange student!

- Congratulations, honey. - Does that mean I'm not--

No, you're still punished.

At least I'm on the board.

♪ You witness the struggle ♪

♪ And you see the light at the end of the tunnel ♪

♪ You know you gotta fight... ♪

And the Diaz for biggest blecchhh

goes to... Harley,

for toilet tango!

♪ ♪

And the Diaz for best manipulation

of Lewie and Beast goes to...

Harley, for turning them into slush jockeys.

♪ ♪

The Diaz for biggest oops goes to...

Harley.

GOOD TIMES

GYM - MAZING

♪ ♪

Wow, what a comeback.

You're in the lead by two with only two categories left.

You could finally win Diaz of the year.

Really? I wasn't keeping score.

Good luck.

I gotta go make a call.

Oh, put that dance away.

This isn't over yet.

We can still kick your butt.

Can you lower your butt?

I can't get my leg that high in these pants.

I'd like to thank Marshport Quick Lock

for their super fast service call.

Marshport Quick Lock, now the official sponsor

of the Diaz awards.

And the award for best performance

in an Ethan Diaz film goes to...

Lewie and Beast as Detectives Peeby and Jay!

How could you steal my lady?

Gloria was everything to me.

You've got a lot of nerve, buddy boy.

This ain't the time, Peeby.

01:08:24:15 HD1080i

We've got a villain on the loose,

and Gloria is my lady now.

We can do this two ways.

Creamy or crunchy.

Weren't you wearing a purple--

Oh, that dress was so two trophies ago, Tom.

Still Dad.

And now, tonight's final category.

Most memorable costume.

And the nominees are:

Harley, for pretty pink princess.

You look like you just fell out of a unicorn's butt.

Lewie and Beast, for pudding bath gentlemen.

More cream, my good man?

Don't mind if I do.

And Georgie, for patriotic parade girl.

MARSHPORT'S TRICENTENNIAL PARADE

Step, one, two. Step.

Yes! I did it!

Wrong turn. My bad.

Go back! Go back!

THE 5th Annual Diaz

And the Diaz goes to...

Say Harley. Please say Harley.

- Lewie and Beast! - BOTH: Yes!

No!

SUZY: Well, this has never happened before.

- We have a tie. - What happens now?

Guess we'll have to figure out a tiebreaker.

All right, but if we're gonna wrestle,

these pants are coming off.

So we're stuck in a tie.

We consulted the official rules and found out there were none.

So we're deciding this like we did every other award.

Vote.

Diaz of the year-- Lewie and Beast, or me.

The voting was very close, and if you ask us,

all of our kids deserve this award.

But...

the Diaz of the year goes to...

BOTH: Lewie and Beast!

♪ Mm-hmm, mm-hmm ♪

- Whoo! - Yeah!

Congratulations, guys.

Another year of me being the odd Diaz out.

Which is quite a feat,

considering how odd all of us are.

I guess winning that cup

will have to stay in my fantasies.

If only those could be a part of the awards.

Our next award is for those special moments in your head.

The nominees for best fantasy are...

the Diaz superheroes.

DIAZ

Harley in the sweet seat.

And Harley goes sky-diving.

Yay, science! Yeah!

And the winner is...

Lewie and Beast?! Oh, come on!

Wow. I can't win even in my own fantasy.

Not to be a sore loser, but I feel like

I do a lot of stuff for this family.

It would've been nice to feel like they noticed.

That's the curse of the middle kid.

I just have to accept that I don't matter

in this family, Ethan.

I'm Wednesday.

Of course you're Wednesday.

The middle of the week. Everyone knows that.

Was that supposed to be a pep talk?

Guess I'm still Wednesday.

(knocking on door)

(door opens)

Hey, what's going on?

You left before the end of the show.

I saw it. Lewie and Beast won.

I didn't need to see their synchronized victory dance.

Yeah, they only won that because there's another award

that wasn't on the ballot. Come on.

Let's go.

We, uh, wanted to give you an award

for all the times you've helped out this family.

Which, if you've been keeping track,

- well, you would've lost count by now. - (all laughing)

Yeah, even today, you helped zip me

into at least ten dresses.

But a regular Diaz award just wasn't enough.

Then, we all had one of those light-bulb moments you get.

Presenting the trophy for the MVD,

most valuable Diaz.

Harley.

M V D Most Valuable Diaz HARLEY

Wow! This is amazing!

You guys did this for me?

More like you did this for us.

♪ ♪

DIAZ TIME

I MEANT NOT

TEAM DIAZ

I don't know what to say except...

I love it.

And I couldn't do any of it without you.

Photos!

That's the thing about a big family.

Sometimes, you feel overlooked.

ALL: Diaz!

But sometimes, you're the one overlooking

just how lucky you are.