Original subtitles

Okay, guys, formal is this Friday,

and this year, I think I have a good chance

of being voted for queen.

Which is better--

"Beyoncé at the music awards" Rachel,

or "Jennifer Lawrence at the kids' pick awards" Rachel?

How about "Rachel at the spring formal" Rachel?

Four other girls are already going with that look.

It's so much easier to find the perfect date

than the perfect dress.

I'm going with Ben.

Brian? Something.

I'm gonna call him Blake.

Rachel and Blake. That's good.

Well, I'm not changing my date's name.

We go great together. Wyatt and Georgie.

Wy-G to the fans.

Who'd you decide to go with, Harley?

I'm not going. Otherwise known as "no one" to the fans.

- No way. - What?!

There's no guy I really wanna go with.

Face it.

Your first high school formal... awkward.

But with three other siblings there, too?

You know those scary movies where the really bad things happen

to the nice girl at the prom?

(girl shrieking)

That will be this.

Oh, I have someone you can go with.

Blake's brother who didn't get the looks.

Well, as hard as it is to turn down

a random guy's unattractive brother,

I'm going to take a pass.

(phone buzzing)

Besides, I would only wanna go with a friend.

Ooh, make sure it's the kind of friend you have chemistry with.

- Like me and Wyatt. - (laughing) - What?

You don't think we have chemistry?

Tell me now, 'cause I don't want to get hurt.

No, it's this thing Josh sent me.

We're in the Society of Junior Inventors together.

He's so funny.

Wait, listen to this. Two inventors walk into a lab...

Wait. Did you say Josh?

Yeah, but that's not the joke part.

No. Ask Josh to the formal.

What?!

We've only ever emailed.

He's running next year's Invent-A-Con.

He's a sophomore at Middlebrook High. Super smart.

- Is he cute? - Oh, who cares?

All that matters is if he's kind and has a good personality.

Save it for your "Yay People" seminar.

This is a formal.

Going with Josh could be fun.

Plus we have to set the agenda for Invent-A-Con.

Might as well do it while watching teachers try to nae-nae.

Yes! I can't wait to shop for "Harley at her first school dance" Harley.

All right. I'm going to my first big dance.

With a guy I barely know.

And all my siblings watching.

This is if Josh even says yes.

Wow! I could really use

a "Yay People" seminar right now.

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Sometimes it feels like things are outta control ♪

♪ Like you're living in a circus ♪

♪ Tryin' to figure out your way in the world ♪

♪ Where you're at is kinda perfect ♪

♪ So turn it up, turn it up ♪

♪ Do your thing, don't stop ♪

♪ Let the games begin, let's jump right in ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

♪ In the middle of the party ♪

♪ We're just getting started ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

♪ In the eye of the tornado, rowin' in the same boat ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

♪ Get stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

Seriously?

You're breathing so loud.

Haven't heard back from inventor guy yet, huh?

I asked him.

I wanted it to be like no biggie,

but at the same time, biggie.

Then it hit me.

Why text when you can use science?

Pretty bold move,

considering the last time you sent liquids through the mail,

the authorities came to the house.

It was just goo from a glow stick.

And don't act like you didn't enjoy meeting the FBI.

So who's your date to the dance?

I've got two actually.

I'm talking about my laptop and a turntable.

- I'm deejaying. - Since when do you deejay?

Since I determined the best way to Kendra Swenson's heart

is to play her favorite song at the dance and dedicate it to her.

Sounds complicated.

You're right. I should've used

advanced chemistry and a petri dish.

Harley, this just came for you.

It's from Josh.

Whoa. Ha ha.

Hey, the periodic table.

I remember forgetting that in science.

Sulphur, uranium, rhenium.

Oh, the FBI is so coming back to this house.

Wait. S-U-Re.

Sure.

He said sure!

(cheering)

Finally, something about chemistry I like.

So we're all going to the dance together!

- Whoopie cushion. - Check.

- Jawbreaker. - Check.

Hey, guys, thanks for cleaning out the cubbies.

- This is for camping. - Camping.

We're gathering the essentials for survival.

Are you sure you don't want to stay in?

I'll make popcorn... on the stove,

not in the microwave; I'll let you shake the pan.

No, thanks. With the big kids at that lame dance,

we'll have the backyard all to ourselves.

(sighs)

I know a lot of my business is selling tents,

but I hate when they camp.

Yes. They have fun while we stay up

waiting for them to come in,

because they're cold, hungry or scared.

And one of them always pees in a sleeping bag.

If only there were some way to make them miserable

sooner than later.

How would you like to go camping in the backyard tonight?

I'll make popcorn.

On the stove, not the microwave.

- I'll let you shake the pan. - Not interested.

Guys, clear a path. It's an hour till formal,

and I need to show Harley how to walk in high heels.

Anything in this zone is not safe.

Good news. I'm in for the camping.

TOM: Big night.

Ooh, I should probably take the pictures.

You're gonna need both hands for your tissues.

I know. Usually, these milestone moments

make me bawl my eyes out, but I have a trick.

I read that if you pinch your ear really hard,

the pain distracts you from crying.

RACHEL: Here we come!

SUZY: Wow!

You both look so beautiful. Ow!

It worked.

Hey, Blake.

My name is Jimmy.

Not tonight, it isn't.

Can I still be Wyatt?

Yes. I love it. Wyatt, the name, not you.

I mean, I'd never use the word love on our first official date.

Ooh, that corsage for me?

I love it... and there I go again.

Oh, and you...

You look so handsome.

Thanks?

I'll go get the boutonnières from the fridge.

Last formal, Beast only ate one of them,

so fingers crossed.

- Ow. - Sorry.

That coffee table's taken a piece out of all of us.

I dropped my contact lenses down the sink this morning.

I can't see anything without them.

Well, don't you have glasses?

Yeah, but I'm afraid Georgie won't like them.

Uh, they look fine. You're good.

Oh, great. I'll put them on after pictures.

(glasses drop, shatter)

On second thought, lose the glasses.

Yeah.

Okay, you guys. Time for the big reveal.

You all remember the "before."

HARLEY: Just get to it!

May I present... the "after"?

You look beautiful.

Tom, it's not working. I'm getting emotional.

Oh, I forgot to sign Daphne up for camp,

so she's gonna be around all summer.

That hurts worse than the ear pinch. Thank you.

I can't believe my little girl

is going to her first formal.

I can't believe she's going with an older boy.

- (doorbell rings) - Dad, Josh and I are just friends.

Just friends. Huh. I know what that means,

and I'm gonna make sure this guy knows

- that it's not gonna mean what I know it means. - (doorbell rings)

Hi. I'm Josh. Is Harley here?

Josh, what... a surprise.

Not that you're here.

You're supposed to be here.

As my date.

Like we disc... How old are you?

I'm nine. And a half.

I don't know what you're seeing,

but he's really little.

Mom, did you set us up for a playdate again?

You're kind of overdressed for camping.

You didn't know I skipped a couple of grades, did you?

No. The periodic table message you sent back

said "sure," not "I'm nine and a half."

Oh, I'm sorry, Harley.

We've been emailing so long,

I felt like we were old friends.

I guess it slipped my mind.

I hope this isn't a problem.

No.

Of course it's a problem.

I'm going to my first formal with the guy who's...

less than this many.

No problem at all.

(car horn honks)

All right, that's the limo. Let's go.

Hopefully, it has a car seat.

Finally, a place where we can live how we want.

Camp chair?

Don't mind if I do.

(loud farting noise)

Ah, the comforts of home.

Too early to bring out the jawbreakers?

I don't think so.

You wanna start or finish?

You can go ahead. I need to warm up.

(zipping noises)

Oh, hi, neighbor.

Nice night for camping.

I really hope Harley's doing okay.

She'll be fine. I think the important thing here

is that I'm doing okay now that I know she's out with a nine-year-old.

BEAST: No one wants to camp if you're out here!

Ah, and that right there is the sound of us

going to bed early.

A mountain lion couldn't get them in here faster.

I'm sorry. Those guys are jerks.

Who cares? There's a dessert buffet.

I'm not supposed to have sugar after 8:00,

but you only live once.

Based on tonight,

that might be once too many.

Hey, how's it going with Josh?

He's a nice kid, but this is rough.

Hello! Sir, can I get a cake pop over here? My turn!

I'm giving it an hour, and then I'm out of here.

Good idea.

Kids can get cranky past their bedtime.

Seriously? Your date's a turntable.

Also older than your date.

Yep, that's correct.

Ooh, there's Kendra.

I've got her favorite song all cued up.

I saw it on her web page.

Also, her dog's name is Kyle.

Or Karl.

I was looking through binoculars from across the room.

There's a story you can tell your kids.

Okay, guys, I wanna get to the photos,

so I can start working the room for the queen vote.

Also, Mom said if we come home without group shots,

she's not paying for the limo.

Oh, you can go in front of me.

You, too.

You've been in line for the bathroom

for 20 minutes.

Twenty-two minutes and 36 seconds.

I don't even have to go.

I'm just trying to wait out the clock

until I can leave without being a jerk.

Harley!

Last fruit tart. Splitsies?

Good for you.

Maybe next year, you'll be coming with someone like Wyatt.

Someone you're into, who's totally into you...

Wait, who is that girl he's talking to?

I'm so happy to be here with you, Georgie.

(loud belching)

You really think this will work?

Definitely. Daphne's not gonna wanna camp

next to two pigs.

Hit her with full can of soda.

(very loud belch)

Okay, enough toying around.

Let's get serious.

Hit her with the Chinese food buffet.

( incredibly loud, drawn-out belch )

Wow! I can almost smell that one.

That oughta bounce her right outta here.

( long, loud belch from outside )

Daphne doesn't have a phone.

Dang. You've gotta admire something like that.

Okay, we've gotta end this.

Daphne, this is our camping night.

Don't make us come in there.

(sniffing) Do you smell cookies?

Peanut butter.

Chocolate chips.

Correction. White chocolate chips.

Warm, delicious cookies.

Handmade with love, straight out of my Tiny Bake oven.

LEWIE: What?!

We see what you're trying to do.

Trying to lure us in with your comfy tent,

and your cookies and your whoopie-less cushions.

It's not gonna work, sister.

I have also downloaded six hours of Dumpster Jack

on Rachel's computer.

It's like she can see into our souls.

The second we set foot into that tent, she wins.

But if we go back to our tent,

and don't watch Dumpster Jack,

and don't have cookies,

she also wins.

Beast, we have no other choice.

We must surrender with dignity.

What do you think?

(muffled) Agreed.

Georgie, maybe it's too soon to bring this up,

but I feel like I know you so well.

Oh, tell me, Blake, you're a guy.

Why is Wyatt talking to all these other girls,

when I invited him to this dance?

I don't know. Why is Rachel calling me Blake

- when I'm Jimmy? - Sorry about that, Jimmy Blake.

Thank you.

Hm, sippy cup. Gotta give 'em props.

Where do you find one of these things at a high school dance?

Yep, that's good use of creativity.

Listen, why don't we take that table by the teachers?

Nobody will try anything there.

BOY: This one goes out to Harley Diaz and her special guest.

( woman singing "The Alphabet Song" )

Go to the bathroom for five seconds.

Sorry, Harley.

Doesn't seem like you're having a lot of fun.

No. I totally am.

This has been the best... 51 minutes, 43 seconds of my life.

Hey, somebody dropped a 20.

Wait a second.

Are you doing that?

That's awesome!

That's what I like about inventing.

I mean, it puts me in the driver's seat,

which legally, I'm not gonna be able to do

for seven more years.

I get that.

In my family, if I want control, I have to invent it.

In a family of nine, the only thing I can count on is chaos.

Well, that, and the toilet paper roll always being empty.

(both laughing)

Can I give it a test drive?

You're not gonna believe this.

They're in Daphne's tent.

At this rate, they're gonna be out there all night.

I have an idea.

It's not gonna win us any parenting awards.

Uh, that's okay.

We weren't nominated anyway.

Okay, Tom, hit the sprinklers.

Zone Two. It's supposed to be Zone Two!

May I top off your moo juice?

You know it.

Is it raining outside?

- No. - Probably not.

You guys gotta get out of here.

I thought so, too, but we're actually having fun.

No, I just found out a bunch of kids got together and voted you king and queen.

Cool. I can rock a crown.

You don't understand.

This means you two have to do the spotlight dance.

Together, under the spotlight.

( distorted music plays, people laughing )

JOSH: Nine and a half.

Nine and a half.

(laughing and jeering)

I'll call the limo.

Hey, before we leave,

I just wanna say thanks.

- I had a blast tonight. - You did?

Yeah. I mean, it's not like I'm gonna have

a lot of big high school moments.

At the rate I'm going,

I'll graduate when I'm 11.

Do you know anybody who wants to go to their senior prom

with an 11-year-old?

You know what?

We're not going anywhere.

My friend is getting his big high school moment.

We are going to do that spotlight dance,

- and we are going to kill it. - We are? How?

I have no idea.

But we're both inventors.

We just have to get creative.

Georgie, every time I've tried to talk to you tonight,

you've run away.

But I just want you to know, I think you're great.

The two of us vibe so well together.

What I'm trying to say is,

I want us to be a thing-thing.

You want to be a thing-thing with my geometry teacher?

- Who are you? - Georgie.

Then who is that?

Mrs. Wilkins.

Oh, no. I'm sorry.

I lost my contact lenses; I can't see.

Wait.

Do you wanna be a thing?

I would love that.

Love. I did it again.

But we're a thing now. I can say that.

Georgie, I need you.

Not the time. Having a thing.

They're voting me and Josh for the spotlight dance.

It's gonna take a whole lotta work

to turn this thing around.

Luckily, I've got a whole lotta family.

Come on.

Okay, I'm about to say a bunch of weird stuff.

Don't ask questions, just do it.

Georgie, I need you to tell the limo driver

to point his headlights

- toward the tent. - On it.

- Wyatt, I need a bunch of balloons. - Coming up.

Rachel, lose the sign over there.

Come on, Jimmy. We have a job to do.

I thought I was Blake.

This is more of a Jimmy job.

Ethan, I need the perfect song for a dance.

I know exactly the one.

I was saving it for Kendra, but if you need it, it's yours.

Thanks.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the moment you have all been waiting for.

This year's spring formal king and queen are...

Josh Durman and Harley Diaz!

(jeering laughter)

It's time for the spotlight dance.

Hit it, Georgie.

♪ Lights go down and then the curtains rise ♪

♪ 'Cause you've been waiting for this all your life ♪

♪ This time, this time, there's no turning back ♪

♪ Rising, falling ♪

♪ Shadows fade to black ♪

♪ This time, this time, there's no turning back ♪

♪ Rising, falling ♪

♪ Shadows fade to black ♪

♪ Never give up, never give in... ♪

Thanks for saving our butts.

Sorry you didn't get to be queen.

It's okay. I don't want to be

queen of anyone who would treat my sister that way.

Besides, the dance committee blew their budget

on space heaters, so there's no glitter rain.

HARLEY: I was right.

The first dance with your siblings there,

super awkward.

But without them,

it never would've gone from awkward to awesome.

- (water whooshing) - TOM: What's that?

Oh, now Zone Two goes off.

(all clamoring)