Original subtitles

Aren't you glad we came up here, Jompa?

Not really.

I only came because you promised me a blow job.

True. But first we have to get across this gorge.

-I hope you tied a good knot. -It was by the book.

Jompa!

Goddamn woman!

This calls for at least two blow jobs.

Hurry!

Jompa!

No, no, no...

Jompa!

That was close.

Don't let go, Jompa. Please!

Jompaaaa...!

Oh, shit!

Unni was gone.

The love of my life.

Or at least one of my favorite fucks.

I was devastated.

But on the bright side...

I could start drinking again.

I had nothing left to live for.

Unni was the only girl I could trust.

Who understood me and my feelings.

Probably should have tied that around my waist.

There was no recovering from this.

I couldn't pick the pieces back up. Couldn't get on with my life.

Unni, -

- here I come.

Ecstasy?

I decided to return to my roots.

In the mountains. Here I could gather my thoughts.

Here I could heal my wounds.

And find myself again.

Find my inner peace.

Here, with my reindeer, I could again become -

- Jompa.

Anne Berit?

Goddamn eagle!

The government will pay for this!

Shit... Rain Man!

Rudolph!

Vidkun!

Gørild!

My reindeer had been killed. A massive abuse.

Fortunately I knew someone who was an expert on abuse.

Excuse me! Out of the way!

Father Shockfat!

-Calm down. -My herd has been murdered!

Let me finish here first.

As God says: He who rushes to his flock -

- will not find a single sheep.

Jeezus! This is important!

How dare you take God's name in vain?

-Are you of the devil? -No.

You're of the devil.

You're of the devil!

You're of the devil.

-You are! -You are.

-You are! -No, you are!

You are!

You're of the devil! You are!

You're of the devil!

You're of the devil! You're of the devil!

-Say "huh" if you're of the devil. -Huh?

You're of the devil.

-You son of Satan! -Damn, you're an evil parson!

Lena Horn?

We can't exchange this ticket. It's impossible.

-Can't I change it at all? -Nope.

Has anyone checked in a bunch of antlers?

Didn't you see the line?

Tell me what I want to know, or I'll put a curse on you -

- that will give you balls the size of melons -

- and make you produce horse semen for years.

The thing is...

I helped three -

- hot chicks.

They had pouty lips.

And breasts that only God...

I helped them load 80 kilos of antlers onto a private jet.

Where were they headed?

To Thailand.

Thailand?

Thailand.

Roger, what the fuck?

Wouldn't you know it? The damn sound system has jammed again!

They didn't go somewhere closer?

To Thailand.

Excuse me...

Coffee, tea?

Cough...

Tea?

Coffee, tea?

Kofi Annan?

Tea, nine, eight...

Was that Jompa?

No way. They don't allow Samis on planes.

So, Cato... Thailand. A veritable geography stew.

And I'm taking a big helping.

I have the Samis to thank for this trip.

And their damn grazing rights.

As head of the Reindeer Administration -

- I revolutionized the system by GPS- tagging every reindeer in No¤ay.

So I was invited to this conference in Thailand -

- to speak about all that.

And fortunately for you, I got two tickets.

Or you'd be stuck in your cage all summer.

We are in the iron crow's butthole!

Whatever...

First class.

-Excuse me, miss? -Yes?

After I've downed this so-called food...

Would you care to join me in the bathroom for dessert?

Pig!

No, I think it's a turkey dog.

And that is why you will die alone.

And when you die it will be pitch dark.

There is no God, no heaven.

So be true to yourself.

Don't sell your soul for money.

But dare to take chances. Nothing ventured, nothing won.

The odds are harsh in life and love.

For better odds, try EuroSlots!

You web-gaming portal.

EuroSlots!

EuroSlots, for a little excitement in life!

What are you talking about, woman? Have you no integrity?

Care to show me your "cock fit"?

In Thailand only one rule applies.

If you see me talking to a woman -

- just stay the hell away, OK?

But Cato...

Pay attention. Maybe you'll learn something. And if we're real lucky, -

- your milk cock could be replaced by a wisdom cock.

I want to swim in the ocean.

No way. The sharks in the ocean eat idiots like you!

It doesn't fit. It's too big!

Shut up. I'll get it in.

Get your mind out of the gutter!

Sid, I want more candy.

This is Captain Olsen. We can expect some turbulence.

Keep your seat belts fastened and everything will be fine.

I have to pee.

I have to go to the bathroom.

I have to pee.

And that, kids, is how turbulence is made.

What are you doing in Thailand?

I'm seeking revenge.

You said you loved me.

Yeah, I did say I loved you.

But that was before we fucked. Now I don't even like you.

Get your piss-fingers off of me! So long, baby.

What the fuck?

What happened? Why are you so sweaty?

Calm down. It's just turbulence.

Thailand, Cato. Thailand.

The only place in the world with more chlamydia than Finnmark.

Come on, Cato!

Fly straight home now, and no nonsense!

Look, Cato! Not bad.

Not bad at all. We can relax here.

Let's see...

Time to unpack.

There's only one bed, so you take the tub.

Just add cold water if it gets hard.

-I like hot showers in the morning. -That's kind of you.

I know.

Let's see...

Wash my underwear. I get sweaty when it's over 10 degrees out.

Relax. It's probably the front desk with some welcome pussy for me.

-Cato, have you ordered anything? -No.

Look, Cato! Smell this.

Know what this is? Smell.

Cheap pussy, Cato. Cheap pussy.

It's an invitation for one to a discotheque.

You'll have to stay here.

I told you to always use your toothbrush on my underwear!

You have to use your toothbrush.

See? Then it all comes out. Even the corn.

Thailand.

A land full of Chinese.

No matter where I turned, I was met by slanted eyes.

Where should I start? I was alone in a foreign land.

I hadn't been this far from home since I fell asleep in a cab in '87.

I needed a good lead. Something that...

Damned immigrants! Hang on.

No, thank you!

Where were we? Right!

I needed something to send me in the right direction.

Reindeer antlers? In Thailand?

A turning point!

Maybe he knew something?

Time for some polite dialogue.

Where - did - you - get - that - powder?

If - you - don't - mind -

- my asking?

-Aunt Hashish. -Aunt Ass-shit?

-Aunt Hash. -Aunt Hash?

Aunt Hash.

"Down by the sea"?

Don Johnson?

Don Johnson.

Thank you for your help.

Have a nice day.

Girls...

We know what we have to do.

Jompa must -

- die!

The ocean, Sid!

The ocean...

Have you learned by now?

You aren't going in there.

Hey, baby!

Would you give me a rubdown?

My cock happens to be extremely pale.

Cock tease!

Mmm, boy am I full!

Help, what's happening?!

Feels like someone is rumbaing in my stomach.

But shrimp are supposed to be safe to eat anywhere in the world.

Hi, my name is Lactose!

I'm a cockroach.

Aunt Hash. Who was she?

How could she help me? Whose aunt was she?

Anyway, I had to find her, and find her fast.

Revenge is best served warm, garnished with parsley, -

- and cloudberries for dessert.

Hello!

Anyway. Aunt Hash...

It could take weeks. Months.

AUNT HASH

That was lucky.

Welcome, stranger.

How can I help you?

I heard you're the right person if someone wants information.

And syphilis.

You trying to flatter me?

Everything has its price.

So, what you want to know?

My name is Jompa and I'm mad as hell.

My reindeer were massacred two days ago.

The killers left the meat, -

- took the antlers and flew off to Thailand.

And now I'm here seeking revenge.

-Do you have Parkinsons? -No, I'm fine.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Yes. 150 dollars.

Thanks. Goodbye. See you next week.

I can help you, Jompa.

Many people have trouble getting hard.

-Getting heard? -Getting hard.

-Hard what? -Getting a boner!

You don't have to be rude.

Getting a boner, Jompa!

That's never been a problem for me. I have a throbbing boner right now.

I always have a boner.

Here in the Far East, aphrodisiacs made of ivory are very popular.

But there aren't many rhinos or elephants left.

So they have to find alternatives. Like reindeer.

Some say reindeer is the most potent aphrodisiac of all!

Jompa...

They use the reindeer antlers -

- as an aphrodisiac!

Sweet Satan!

The aphrodisiac industry around here is run by one individual.

And that is...the Toad!

The Toad.

Thank you. You can keep the rest.

Don't you snuff?

Only in greeting.

Shit! I thought he was further away.

Welcome. Come on back here. Start whenever you're ready.

Want me to bitch-slap you around the block?

Breasts...

Send him to the happy grazing ground.

Don't shoot!

Be a pal and don't shoot.

So, that's it.

The dark embrace of death. The big sleep.

Or am I just yapping away with my eyes closed?

Yeah, apparently I was.

Go!

They're as bad shots as they are drivers.

Incredible.

Have you remembered to wash your dickhead...

Excuse me.

White man coming through.

Something to drink, please.

An ice-cold beer. Not this piss water.

Dark beer!

Ching-chong beer!

Beer!

Don't expect a tip.

Boy are we having fun!

You're so nice, Cato.

Someone's coming!

Fancy meeting another Norwegian. You on vacation?

Part vacation, part business. And hopefully tons of sex.

What business are you in?

That's top secret. I'm in the reindeer police.

We have GPS-tagged every reindeer in Norway.

Why is Thailand interested in our GPS equipment?

Hopefully to GPS-tag all the ladyboys.

Going out here is like Russian roulette.

-Any top-secret gear in your room? -It's all stored right here.

But I didn't see you arrive with anyone.

Girls don't normally vacation alone. Are you one of those...

-I have no idea what you mean. -You don't...

Still clueless.

Are you on Team Pussylinker?

This may be a very personal question, but:

Are you single?

Guilty as charged.

But...

It wasn't always like that.

There was a girl once.

A lovely young girl. Breasts like a teenage Liv Ullmann's.

Sid, aren't you glad we came? Look at all the berries!

I expect cloudberry jam in bed tomorrow.

-And I expect sausage. -Yes, we were happy.

-You dirty girl! -We laughed a lot.

Mostly at Cato, that idiot. But one day everything changed.

Wait here, while I get something in the car.

That fateful day.

Sid?

Calm down, for chrissake.

Sid! Sid!

No, Peggy!

Peggy!

Peggy...

Peggy! Peggy!

Are you alive? Are you alive? Peggy...

Peggy...

Yech!

She looks like jelly.

Don't follow the white light, Peggy!

Peggy, she...

She sacrificed herself for me.

Became paralyzed from the waist down.

So I dumped her.

No way I'm dating a vegetable! So yes, I'm single.

But let's talk about something nice. Do you like double penetration?

Anniken, you have bewitched me!

Dad? What the hell are you doing here?

I live here. Didn't you get all my postcards?

-No. -That's right. I never wrote any.

But how did you find me? How did you know I was here?

Never mind that, Sid.

Things didn't go that well for me in Norway.

So I asked myself: Waldemar, what are your strengths?

I know two things:

Liquor and whores.

And where can I best benefit from those two strengths? Thailand!

Listen, pal.

You and I had a rocky start.

-Yeah. -I know I've been a lousy father.

And you know you were never much of a son.

But you are my son.

You are my son.

It isn't easy to like you, but I'm willing to give it an honest try.

I want you two to visit me tomorrow at La Pomme d'Amour.

What do you say, Sid?

What do you say?

Why don't we...

Why don't we start over? Give it the old college try?

OK, dad. OK!

We're men, Sid.

Not some goddamn Gypsy bitches.

Me and Lactose are going to bed.

-Good night, Lactose! -Good night, old chum.

Cato, this water is cold!

I'll get the temperature up.

Thank you, Sid.

-Yellow sheets! -Damn, that burns!

Jompa is dead.

The Toad says:

Good!

Mo!

The Toad says: Go back to town -

- and await further orders.

After my defeat in the alley it became clear: I had to build a suit.

A suit that would make me invulnerable.

This suit would be the most sotisfi... sophisc...

So-phi-sti-cated -

- weapon on the planet.

It would enable me to fly, -

- be bulletproof and fire rockets.

I would become a one-man army.

Just like Marit Bjørgen!

I would become -

- Iron Man!

Right on my BCG!

So I've been here a while now.

I enjoy it here. Sunny and warm.

And cheap beer.

Thank you. Look!

"I'm wearing a Thai."

There's more to our family now than you, mom, and our dog Fiffi.

I'm not exactly known for squirting on the sheets.

Is that how ghosts are made?

So greet your siblings politely.

Here is Fridtjof and Roald.

Here is Tor. And here is DeSoto. Kristoffer.

And Vasco. DeSoto is an excellent pickpocket.

Here's the mother.

Fridtjof's.

Roald's mother. Tor's mother. DeSoto's mother.

Kristoffer's mother.

And not least...

Vasco's mother.

Thai out!

OK, Sid.

So you're in Thailand for some sort of conference?

Exactly.

Your son, at least one of them, -

- is going to hold a sexy lecture about GPS-tagging reindeer.

Hello, dear friend. Is that ice cream?

... so I'll hold a speech and have a demonstration.

Strawberries, yum! My favorite.

Sounds like sensitive information.

Precisely. So everything is stored...here.

OK.

So what do you say, boys?

You'll get the chance to experience something unique while here.

My head is cold!

I know a place.

Far from here. Deep inside the jungle.

Where we'll be treated as kings.

The Frog King's palace.

It's overflowing with beer, liquor and crazy ladies.

We're in! Right, Cato?

My whole face is cold.

He's very excited.

Let's do it! We have to pack.

We need condoms, Cato! You're the greatest, dad.

No, no! Shit!

Hello there!

-What do you know? -Anniken, what a coincidence!

You'd almost think you had tailed me.

I was following him.

What a sick and disgusting joke, Anniken!

Anniken, meet my father. Waldemar, Anniken.

-Anniken. Nice to meet you. -Waldemar. Very nice to meet you!

I happened to hear in passing -

- that you're going on a trip.

Could I join you?

No.

Dad, Anniken will be a joy.

Can't she come? It'll be great!

Maybe we'll run into some Indians we can shoot?

OK.

I'll leave in advance. Let me draw you a map.

So...

Obi Wank Chernobyl Dojo

What the... Who are you?

Where in red hell am I know?

Did you abuse me in my sleep?

I asked if you abused me in my sleep!

I can't hear so well. Talk into my good ear.

Yech!

Jompa, you need guidance.

You lack focus in battle.

-Concentration. -Huh?

But relax.

Once I, Obi Wank Chernobyl, am done with you, -

- you'll be more concentrated -

- than nitroglycerin.

And the enemy will again fear you.

Look at this.

"What the dog says. Four letters."

It starts with a B.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, jerking off is all I know!

Nope.

Monkey.

Keep your eye on the ball.

Jompa?

Always focus.

Pour honey on my balls and call me Laila! I got it!

Jompa...

You have been a good student. Remember what I have taught you.

Focus. Always focus.

Thank you for a lovely, educational time -

- at your concentration camp.

Trust your feelings.

And revenge will be yours.

Thank you.

Jompa is back!

Where the hell are we? This place is as overgrown as grandma's pussy.

According to your dad's map, this is the right way.

-Your dad's pretty special. -Yeah.

A complex man.

We have struggled, but I got a good feeling yesterday.

I think things might work out this time. It felt good.

Honey...

Cato, stop playing with that snake! Come on!

My body was ready.

And so was my mind. I was a killing machine again.

Only one thing was missing:

Finding the Toad.

The Toad.

The Toad... The Toad!

The Toad. The Toad, the Toad, the Toad!

It sounds funny when you say it fast.

I had also found a new favorite dish.

Swordfish.

Now that I was full, all that remained was finding...

What was his name? Right, the Toad.

And get...my revenge!

That isn't mine.

Jompa, relax. I'm not here to fight.

I just had to find you.

Don't you recognize me?

What the hell are you doing here? Get out!

And take that banjo with you!

That...was great!

It almost feels like we're doing something illegal.

Illegal? Anal sex was legalized back in the '50s.

Maybe you mean illegally good!

I mean two men -

- boning. It felt wrong, somehow.

Did I just bone a man?

Have I had sex with a man?

Jompa...

I have a beard.

Most girls from my hometown do.

What about my face and my voice?

Not to mention my hairy ass?

Again: Hometown girls.

What did you think I stuck up your ass?

A strap-on, or a marrow bone.

I like that kinky stuff.

But you kept saying, "Take that, you dirty little man!"

I was talking to myself in the third person.

This is a disaster!

Do you know what they do with homos back home?

As many as five or six people will talk behind my back!

Jompa, that's a small price to pay for love.

I should've known you were gay with all that love talk! Get out!

You just butt-fucked me. I can't walk.

-Out! -I can't...

Out of my life!

No one can ever find out about this! Ever!

After you threw me out, I went to Thailand and had an operation.

I was hoping maybe you'd take me back.

You are comfortable with this?

I'm not comfortable with your new dialect, but OK.

-Sure you don't have any balls? -None.

Well... What are we waiting for?

Jompa, take me like you've never taken me before!

Careful, I just had surgery.

The stitches, the stitches!

Jompa, you haven't forgotten your old tricks.

No, I do know how to fuck.

What do you know about -

- someone called the Toad?

I know the Toad is someone you don't want to mess with.

Can't you just forget about it?

Frøydis, hello?

That bastard killed Rudolph, Johnny, Kasper, Jesper, Jonatan -

- Vidkun, Reinert, Kiel, Pål, Bang, Hansen, -

- Einar, Gelius, -

- Rudolph II, Rudolph III, -

- Rudolph IV -

- Johannes and Gørild.

All cut down in their prime.

What had they done?

What had those poor reindeer done, huh?

What had those reindeer done?

You really loved them.

Enough pillow talk.

If you know how I can get to the Toad, tell me now.

I know that the Toad has a palace on the Paneng River.

Only accessible by boat.

And no one is stupid enough to take you there.

The only place you might find someone -

- is at Bar Bar.

The biggest dive Thailand. Full of crooks and bastards.

Jompa, please, if you go there, -

- be careful who you trust.

Good luck. I hope you know what you're doing.

I always know what I'm doing.

Wow!

I don't see -

- an elevator.

Come on, lazy bones!

Whisky on the rocks.

I'm glad I didn't order Sex on the Beach.

I need someone to take me up the Paneng River.

Hi.

You need a man from the Land of a Thousand Lakes.

Are you Spanish?

I'll sail you to hell and back as long as you pay.

But I warn you.

That river is full -

- of pirates and guerillas and junta bastards.

I don't care if we sail on the devil's sperm!

I've been treated unjustly. I want revenge.

And you will take me there for free...

No.

Double payment, you say? OK.

It's a deal.

Not you.

This will be no picnic.

Impressive craftsmanship. As if I had made it myself.

Here, take my hat.

Welcome, welcome!

Who the hell bleached you?

Sid, he's albino.

Albino!

Al Bino? Sid Wisløff. A pleasure.

-Nice place you've got here. -He's albino!

My name is Pale. I'm the steward of the Frog King's palace.

-You must be Waldemar's friends. -Friends. Son.

Waldemar's friends are my friends. Are you tired?

Bob and Lugi will take you to your rooms.

Take a shower and a long crap, because tonight -

- you shall eat like kings!

Eat like things?

He looked like toilet paper!

THE MILLENNIUM CROW

I was getting closer. I could smell my revenge.

Or was itjust my mustache?

Either way, the captain was right.

The trip downriver was no picnic.

And I was starving.

I wouldn't mind steamed swordfish and potatoes.

With a cranberry and cloudberry dessert.

In 1982 me and my buddy Pekka were at a booze party for the ages.

My hunger wasn't the only problem.

I was about to go crazy from the endless, meaningless -

- pointless, absurd stories the captain told.

And I shrunk five centimeters!

And that's the last thing I remember.

Before I woke up.

Dead.

Seriously?

Almost.

Yeah, I know.

Shut up.

From here on we have to be very careful.

This is the most dangerous part of the river.

Lemon pie!

Wow!

-It looks delicious. -And so do you!

Hey, Kenneth! Eins, ¤ei, dry martini!

Dad's funny.

It looks delicious!

It's good, but there's something... about the taste.

Lemming pie is my favorite. Fresh, but not too fresh.

Bitter, but not too angry.

Perfect!

Lemming -

- pie, Sid. Lemming.

Sick...

Goddamn...

Don't you have any normal food? Ah, pork!

Now we're talking!

Pork!

Pig fetuses! My favorite!

Eat the head first, and then you can suck up the innards. Like this.

The taste of unlived life. Priceless.

Excuse me!

Can I have some normal food, please?

Boy!

Here we go. Sorbet!

-Ask, and ye shall receive. -Yes.

-Let's see... -Sid?

Get your piss-fingers off of me!

A little bitter, but all in all a good ice cream.

Ice cream?

Don't be vulgar. This is chilled monkey jizz.

My favorite. We only feed them pineapples.

So the sperm will taste lovely.

Stop that bullshit! Don't embarrass your father.

Haven't you tasted monkey semen before?

So you're a swallower, Sid?

I grew up on my grandfather's semen.

We had to eat it. Grandma put it in our creamed buns.

This is making me sweat.

Sid!

What have I told you? Get your piss-fingers off of me!

Cato, poor thing!

He has to learn someday.

Cato...

Good on the way in, twice as good on the way out.

Time for some strong coffee. Waiters?

No coffee for me, please.

We were at the foot of the palace. My quest was over.

I was at "the point of no return -

- to sender."

If I'm not back by dawn...

Just wait a little longer.

Don't you worry, Jompalainen.

We'll be like a cock in your pussy until you pay.

Mongo.

-Where is Cato? -Cato!

-No idea. If we're lucky, he's dead. -Don't talk like that.

I have something to tell you.

I didn't come here because I love hiking.

I hate hiking.

Things are literally picking up here!

-There's something... -...wonderful.

I'm trying to tell you something. I have...

-Time for action. -Stop it!

I'm trying to tell you something! Don't you get it?

Do you have no antennas at all?

Yes?

I have something serious to tell you.

I'm not...who you think I am.

Yes, you are. I know who you are, Anniken.

-You do? -Yes.

I have the most massive erection ever.

In your honor, Anniken.

-Shit! -What the fuck?

Take this!

Get out!

Thanks to you, I'll have blue balls the rest of the day.

My Sami intuition warned me against three warriors guarding the Toad.

The first warrior was practically invulnerable.

With only one Achilles' heel.

The second warrior was practically invisible.

No one here.

Beating him would be as hard as beating a child.

Hello, little man.

Seriously?

Come on.

The third, a master marksman.

In other words, well, a pretty good shot.

Choose your weapon. Sword -

- or gun.

Hurry it up. I just ate a large dinner -

- and need to poop.

Take five steps, turn, -

- and fire.

The quickest shot will leave here alive.

And be warned: I have never lost a duel.

I had never tasted a sumo wrestler's balls before, either.

Enough chitchat. May the best man win.

One...

Sorry, I can only count to one.

OK...

Calm down.

Stop pushing!

You said you took care of him.

I must have missed.

Don't lie to me!

Traitorous bitch!

What the hell?

What's going on here?

-Sid? -Jompa?

-Unni? -Who's Unni?

Relax. Unni is dead.

Peggy?

Peggy is severely handicapped. We don't talk much.

Pale?

Annikken?

-Gunnar? -Unknown guard?

You have angered my mistress. She wishes to see you with her own eyes.

Kneel -

- for the Toad!

Special Agent Anniken Skaiwalker! Drop your guns!

Or...

-We'll have frog legs for dinner! -No! Ask for something better.

Good. I knew you weren't here because of Sid.

That would be crazy.

I used Sid to get to the Toad.

Used me? No one uses Sid Wisløff. Who are you?

I tried to tell you.

I'm a cop. International division.

We've been after you bastards for months.

I feel like a cheap tramp. Used and disposed...

It's nice that you're emotional, but...

Dad! You said never to hit a woman, -

- except during sex or if they're being sassy.

-What's going on? -Relax, Sid.

I'm just going to kill you. Consider it -

- a belated abortion.

There is no conference here in Thailand.

I'll get us out of here.

Just close your eyes and hold on tight.

Teleport!

Sorry. Apparently I haven't quite mastered that yet.

Lactose?

Come, Lactose.

Lactose!

Lactose?

Lactose!

Lactose?

Lactose! Lactose...

Cato, my friend. Can you hear me?

The Toad would like you to meet an old acquaintance.

Sid.

Jompa.

Papa Buljo?

Are you surprised to see me?

A little.

Few people survive a 200-meter fall.

But I landed on a school of salmon. They carried me downriver.

I suffered greatly afterward.

With migraines. A nasty headache.

And someone's gonna pay for that!

We saved Tampa and managed to stitch him up, -

- but he leaks water when he drinks.

Thank you, dad. Thank you.

Fuck off, you twisted-dicked bastard!

Papa Buljo, couldn't you just leave us alone?

When the Toad came to me with her business idea...

It wasn't hard to accept.

One: I could get rid of all those damn reindeer.

Two: I could get...my revenge.

And three:

It will make me immensely rich!

Toad...

Shoot them all!

Start with Jompa.

Stuff him, and send him to my house.

Kill the rest. Feed them to the dogs.

Then kill those dogs.

Then kill the dogs you feed them to.

Lactose?

Shoot the rest...

...and feed them to the dogs.

Your friends appear to be in quite a pickle.

Shoot those dogs, feed them to some others, and grind them up.

Tarp!

This cave is protected. It's hard as hell to wash blood from a dirt floor.

It mixes with the soil -

- and then we have to lay down new dirt.

It takes a long time.

What the hell? Cato?

Lactose!

-You tore his balls off? -My specialty.

Muay Thai?

Child rearing in Finnmark.

-Sid... -Anniken...

Talk about action!

Cato, help! A toad!A toad!

Lactose!

Aw, look! The girls are friends again.

Isn't that nice? Now they're enjoying their breasts.

Mmm, tits!

One, two, three, four... At least six whole breasts.

-Jompa... -Obi Wank!

Remember, focus.

Always focus.

Take care of that.

Now it's over!

No!

Mine.

Goddamn dingo! Revenge!

Sid!

One Pad Thai, please!

Cato, old chap!

You saved my life! I am eternally grateful.

Lactose!

My hero! My friend! Never again shall we part.

I love y...

That was fun.

Jompa, -

- apparently he got a little horny.

Sid...

You sure cleaned up here.

People have died. Show some respect!

Jompa, you finish up here.

-Where are you going? -To find dad.

And kill him.

Have fun.

Cato, come on!

Here's a little taste of what's going to happen to you.

No!

It felt good to bite the Toad's head o¤.

Emotionally. Physically it tasted like sour cock.

But... Not that I've tasted sour cock.

You know what I mean.

My journey wasn't over.

It had only just begun.

It was time to bring my revenge back to where it all started.

It was time to return...to Norway.

Back to what I said about the Toad tasting like sour cock.

You might think I had tasted sour cock.

But I never, never, never, never have.

I haven't tasted sweet cock, salty cock, -

- bitter cock, licorice cock, ostrich cock, goose cock, -

- bear cock...

I would never get near a bear cock.

Any kids watching or listening:

Bear cock might be the one cock you should avoid the most.

Horse cock I have tasted.

They served it at my girlfriend's confirmation a few years ago.

But I repeat: I have never tasted a sour cock.

Except a certain folk singer's. He had a sour cock.

Subtitles: N. Norris