All language subtitles for The Golden Girls - 07x21 - A Midwinter Nights Dream (2).

♪ You're a pal and a confidant

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see

♪ The biggest gift
would be from me

♪ And the card attached
would say

♪ Thank you
for being a friend ♪

So, who's the luckiest girl
in the history of the world?

Well, it wasn't your mother.

Me. I'm the luckiest girl
in the world.

I finally won a giveaway.

And you said I was stupid
for entering so many contests.

I did? Gee, I find it hard
to believe I'd even care.

This makes it all worthwhile.

All those endless hours licking
stamps, licking envelopes,

temporarily losing
my ability to taste sweets.

Rose, what did you win?

A free prostate check.

Who's stupid now?

You are.

Yeah. Stupid all the way
to the bank.

You know what kills me?

The year you locked me up at Shady
Pines, she roamed around free.

Dorothy, would you
please check my list

and see if I forgot to invite anybody
to my Moonlight Madness party?

Sure.

The women.

Pardon me?

The women.

You invited 12 men
and no women.

Now, Dorothy, I know
what you're thinking,

but Rose and Sophia are coming.

You'll have somebody
to talk to.

No fair. I had to talk
to her the last time.

Uh, Blanche,
not to doubt your stamina,

but don't you think those
men are gonna be bored?

Oh, of course not.

Dorothy, tonight's a full moon.

A night when men's passions,
like the tides,

are pulled to their highest,
achingly unbearable peak.

Oh, come on, Blanche.
You really think a full moon can do all that?

Well, just in case, I'm also
filling a watermelon with tequila.

But it's not just
a full moon, Dorothy.

It's a leap year's full moon.

Anything can happen.

All your dreams can come true
if you just believe.

All you have to do is believe.

Oh, I do believe.

I do believe in sluts.

Ma, what's wrong?

Leap year? Full moon?

Oh, my God, the curse.

Ma, it's the '90s,
you can call it what it is,

our monthly visitor.

No, the Curse of the Strega.

It was a curse laid on you by Lena
Pascerelli, our village witch.

What village?
I was born in Brooklyn.

Here's a news flash,
witches can fly.

Why did she curse me?
I don't know.

Maybe because you gave her the
cold that eventually killed her.

The point is, on her deathbed
she laid a curse on you.

"Beware the leap year's
full moon."

That's it?
That's the curse?

What'd you expect, poetry?

The woman was on her deathbed.
Give her a break.

So, now there are three tasks I must
perform before tomorrow's moon rise.

Or you are doomed.

And the three tasks are?

Kiss a fool, help a holy man,

reveal betrayal of a loved one.

Oh, come on, Ma.

That's superstitious nonsense.

You know, step on a crack,
break your mother's back.

It doesn't work. I know.

I tried.

Dorothy, do you think this
necklace compliments my bosom?

I tried.

Dorothy, do you think this
necklace compliments my bosom?

Blanche, if that necklace could
cheer, I'm sure it would.

Well, you know this necklace
is a priceless heirloom.

It belonged to my Grammy.

I've only worn it three times
in my whole life,

and each occasion marked the
beginning of a passionate romance.

And tonight, I've decided
to wear it with clothes.

Girls, I did it again.

I won another giveaway.

Oh, what did you win this time?

A vasectomy?

Even better.
Wait till you hear.

I won an all-expenses-paid
honeymoon trip to Paris, France.

Oh, my God.

Rose Nylund?
Yes?

Does this mean that you and Miles...
Yes?

That you and Miles
are getting married?

No.

Well, then,
what in hell do you want

an all-expenses-paid
honeymoon for?

Oh, I don't enter
these for the prizes.

I do it for the thrill
of winning.

The rush of adrenalin
when you realize

that you've grappled
Madam Chance and flung her,

bloodied and beaten,
to the mat.

And just when you think she's
dead, she gets up again,

and you have to give her one of those
Van Damme moves to the jaw, and...

Rose.

I like to win, all right?

Well, now that you have, what are
you gonna do with the prize?

Well, it's for newlyweds only,

and--and Miles and I
aren't married,

so I guess
I'll have to give it back.

Rose, has it ever occurred to
you that maybe the good Lord

is trying to tell you something
with this honeymoon package?

Maybe he is, just maybe he is.

But what?

He's tellin' you it's time
for you to marry Miles.

Rose, maybe it is a sign.

I mean, you and Miles have been
together for quite a while.

Look, I appreciate
everybody's advice,

but this isn't the way
it's supposed to be.

I'm not gonna let some contest
dictate what could be,

and should be, the most
important decision of my life.

I'm much too smart for that.

Good for you, Rose.

I think I'll just
go to my room,

take a couple of aspirin,

turn out the lights,
and wait for the voices.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

(BLANCHE CLEARING THROAT)

Blanche has entered the room.

Dorothy.
Dorothy, come here a minute.

Listen, something very strange
is going on here.

Uh, would you get up and
go somewhere else, please?

Excuse us, please.
Sit down here.

Go, go somewhere.

I don't understand this, but
these men are acting crazy.

You're telling me?

I haven't been hit on like this
since I stopped hanging out

at the midnight show
of Harold and Maude.

You mean,
men are comin' on to you?

Yeah.

One guy told me he thought
wrinkles were sexy.

I took him out to the garage

where he could see me
under the fluorescents.

I'm telling you, this full
moon is making people crazy.

Oh, Ma, look, I don't mean to
poo-poo your whole moon thing,

but poo-poo.

No, Dorothy. There really
is somethin' going on here.

Well, I mean, just look how the
men are all flocking around you

and totally ignoring me.

It's...
It's nature gone loco.

Wait a minute.
That's not so ridiculous.

Dorothy has her own allure.

She's confident.

Men are attracted
to a confident woman.

Oh, God, I can never
keep a straight face.

Sophia, this is serious.

Tonight is supposed to be one of the
most romantic nights of my life.

You think you've got problems?

I have to kiss a fool to
save Dorothy from the curse.

So why don't you just kiss
Rose and get it over with?

Technically, Rose isn't a fool.

She's a simpleton.

What's the difference?

How can I explain it?

Fools read "Dear Abby."

Simpletons read Ann Landers.
It's a fine line.

Actually, I'm very tired.

I dreamed all last night
that I was a car muffler,

and when I woke up this
morning, I was exhausted.

That's brilliant.
How do you come up with these?

Oh, I learned
most of them as a child.

But they're still
very relevant today.

Yeah.

Oh, here's Miles.
Excuse me.

Hello, honey.

Come on out here
where we can talk.

Excuse me.
Who's Miles?

Her boyfriend.

She has a boyfriend?
Shoot.

Every time I meet a smart
girl, she's already taken.

Wait a minute.
You think she's smart?

Well, yeah.
Hot damn!

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Hi, Blanche. I was sitting
home feeling sorry for myself,

so I thought I'd do some risk
taking and invite myself over.

Here I am.
Totally vulnerable.

Taking a chance.
I am so proud of me.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

You know, that would have
devastated the old me.

But the new me?

Just an emotional owie.
And do you know why?

Because I like myself.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

The new me is starting
to get honked off.

Look, I'm lonely and scared,
and you're having a party.

Can I come in or not?

Look, Carol, now I am
going to be honest here.

I took great pains
with this guest list,

and frankly, there is room here for
only one young, attractive female.

Oh, then I just got
in under the wire.

Boy, look at that
great, shining orb.

You know, it's hard to believe

it's been hanging there
for millions of years,

long before man
even came to be.

Controls the tides,
affects the weather.

Without the moon, the Earth
would be a barren, stagnant,

uninhabitable planet, Rose.

It gives life, Rose.

It's a big rock, you know.

Yeah, yeah,
I--I suppose it is.

But a full moon, Rose,
makes me feel frisky.

Makes me want to do something
I've never done before.

Like what?

(HOWLING)

Come on, Rose, you do it, too.

Well...
Oh, come on.

(HOWLING)

You see?

You don't need
money to have fun.

Oh, I love you, Miles.

I love you, too, Rose.

Miles, have you ever

thought about us
getting married?

Uh, well...
Well, sure, eventually.

As soon as I put
a little money away.

(SIGHS) What?

You think I'm being
cheap again, huh?

I'm not, Rose.

I just want to do things right.

You know, a nice honeymoon
is expensive.

You know where I want to go?

Where?
Paris.

Rose, you know what round-trip bus
tickets to Paris, Texas cost?

I mean Paris, France.

France?

Rose, you don't
want to go to France.

They got all that rich food,

pigeons everywhere,
that corny music.

No. Listen to me.

See America first.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

Because I just won a contest,

and the prize was a honeymoon
trip to Paris worth $15,000.

15... Vive la France!
Oh-la-la!

Hey, we're going to Paris!
What?

Oh, well, don't you see, Rose,

that we were just talking
about getting married,

and if we do it now,
we can go to Paris, France?

And we can use that money

we would've blown on the
bus tickets to eat out.

Oh, they pay for everything.

They... What a prize, eh?

Let's go for it, Rose.

Oh, no, wait--wait a minute.

We're not just getting married

because of the contest, are we?

Oh, no, no.
Oh, sweetheart, no.

I'm marrying you
because I love you.

I mean, the prize is
just the biggest,

best Christmas present
I ever got.

Well, okay. Let's do it.
Let's get married.

No, no. Well--Well, wait
a minute, wait a minute.

Call me old-fashioned,
but we got a proposal here,

let's do it right.

Oh. Of course.

Miles,

if you'd marry me, you'd make me
the happiest woman in the world.

I think I'm going to cry.

Oh, honey, don't do that.

Last night I dreamt
I ate a giant marshmallow,

and when I woke up,
my boyfriend was gone.

I don't get it.

It's not a joke.

Blanche. Blanche, I take
back everything I said

about your moon theory.

These men are relentless.

I feel like I need a spatula
to keep them off me.

Good thing I don't have one.

Oh, shut up.

Why, Blanche,
whatever is the matter?

You know very well
what the matter is, Dorothy.

This stupid moon has
all the men actin' crazy.

Nobody wants me.
It's freaky.

Really? I haven't noticed
anything unusual.

Oh, you filthy pig.

Okay, I admit the dirty note
was a little unusual.

Everyone,
may we have your attention?

We have an announcement.

We're taking the prize.

You mean we're getting married.

Oh, that's right.
We're getting married.

And we're taking the prize.

Oh, Rose. Rose.

Oh, this is just crazy and wonderful...
Oh, congratulations.

...and calls for a toast.

To Miles and Rose,
and poor, lonely Blanche.

I am so excited.

I'm gonna have an old-fashioned St.
Olaf wedding.

Dorothy, you're my best friend.

Will you be my maid of honor?

Oh, Rose, I'd be...
Wait a minute.

I won't have to wear horns or one
of those metal brassieres, will I?

Oh, no, Dorothy.

I'm the one
that's getting married.

Then I'd love to.

A blessing for the couple.

You invited a rabbi
to a Moonlight Madness party?

May God bless and...

(EXCLAIMS)

Oh, look.
A holy man in need of help.

Let me help you, O holy man.

Blanche, I've kissed a fool.

I've helped a holy man.

Now I just need to reveal
the betrayal of a loved one.

What's the worst thing
you've ever done to Dorothy?

When she moved in here, I told her
there'd be plenty of room for you.

I'll keep looking.

Excuse me, Blanche.
I think I'm gonna leave.

I'm not having
such a good time.

Oh, what a relief to know
it isn't just me.

I mean, it's like every man here
just wants to sleep with me.

Even the rabbi with the limp.

Yes, well,
if you'll excuse me now,

I think I'll just go jump into
a hot tub and pop open a vein.

Barbara. You've always been
like a daughter to me, Barbara.

I'm Carol.

Oh, yeah. The whiny one.

Barbara's your sister.
And sisters don't always get along, do they?

Tell me about it.

How do you deal with that
feeling of betrayal?

Betrayal? For what?

What do you mean for what?
For that thing.

What thing?

The thing that made
you feel betrayed.

Barbara did that?
She laughed about it.

She did?

Carol, you must get revenge.

Go, betray your sister.

You're right. I'll get her.
I'll get her good.

Wait. Wait, I have to know
what you're gonna do.

Oh, damn.
Another senseless accident.

(IN ENGLISH ACCENT)
Excuse me, miss,

but do you know how smashingly
lovely your eyes are?

Oh, please. I'll bet
you talked to Dorothy

and she sent you out
on this mission of mercy.

So just take a hike, tea bag.

I beg your pardon.

Uh, I don't know
who this Dorothy is.

I don't know
any of the women here.

I like that in a man.

Well, I'm Blanche
and I have lovely eyes.

I'm Derek.
The pleasure is mine.

Derek, listen,
before we go any further,

there's somethin'
I have to know.

Yes?

Are the English really as
bad in bed as they say?

Well, we're not insatiable like the
Germans, if that's what you mean,

but we do have
compensating qualities.

Such as?

We're not the French.

Bloody frogs.
Terrible people.

Coming through.

Sophia, I think I've found him.

My moonlight romance.

Wait a minute.

You're not gonna use Blanche for
your own depraved pleasures

and then betray her
by casting her aside

like yesterday's garbage,
are you?

Certainly not.

You sure?

Because it would
really help me out.

Oh, sorry, Miles.
I didn't mean to disturb you.

Oh, that's...
That's quite all right.

Oh, I just had to get away
from all those men in there.

All demanding my attention.
Well, I understand.

Oh, I mean, all those guys, they're
just hanging on my every word.

Golly, that must be annoying.

Not really.

Where's Rose?

I don't know.

Dorothy,
am I doing the right thing?

Here I'm gonna marry Rose, I don't
even know if I can live with her.

I mean, what if she leaves every
light on in the house at night?

Or just doesn't
turn off the faucet

so that it drips
all night long?

Or just stands there and
stares into the refrigerator?

Just stares.

Oh, Dorothy, my God.

Oh, Miles, I don't know
what you're so worried about.

Rose is a wonderful woman.

She's so loving and caring.

All right,
so she's not perfect.

So she has a--a few faults.

Like what?
She's maddening.

St. Olaf stories,
sock puppets,

and she's so cheerful
in the morning

that you just want to take your
grapefruit and shove it in her face.

Hard.

As hard as she can stand it.

Boy, I'd like to see who was
runner-up for maid of honor.

The point is, the two of you are
gonna be very happy together.

Yeah, but, Dorothy, you don't
think we're being crazy?

Of course you are.
You're crazy and wonderful,

the way you should be.

Like Puck says in A Midsummer Night's
Dream, when it comes to love,

"Lord, what fools
these mortals be!"

(LAUGHING) Oh, Dorothy.

What?

Oh, I thought I was the only
one who quoted Shakespeare

in a normal conversation.

Really?

You know, Dorothy, it's funny.

A casual observer would say

we're the ones
who should be together.

We share the same interests,
we're in the same field,

we're both attractive.

Well, the evening
isn't over yet.

Maybe my Prince Charming
will get moonstruck

and sweep me away
the way you did Rose.

Oh, I hope so, Dorothy.
You deserve it.

I want to thank you for being a
good friend and a good person.

You are very, very welcome.

I do love her, you know?
I know.

Hello, Judas.

(GASPS)

I'm sorry, Miles.

No, no.

(STUTTERING)
No, Dorothy, it's my fault.

I'm sorry.

Although, no--no... Well, wait a minute.
Why should we be sorry?

Come on, we're friends, we've
known each other a long time.

I mean, things like this just...
Just happen.

There is nothing wrong with two people
showing each other how they feel.

We're just friends.
We're scum.

Herring balls?

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Oh, excuse me, more guests.

Don't tarry.

(LAUGHS)

I love the way
you British talk.

Well, hurry back
and I'll say more words.

Oh.

Dreyfuss.

I guess I did invite
every male in town.

Hello, pup.

I'm sorry, Derek.

Oh, that's all right.

We British love dogs.

It's children we can't stand.

Herring balls?

I'm sorry, Rose.
I'm just sorry.

Oh, that's all right, Dorothy.
Not everybody likes them.

But boy, Miles has just disappeared.
Have you seen him?

Maybe I will have
a herring ball.

What about Miles?
And one for later.

Oh, Ma,
I've done something terrible.

I didn't think it was
gonna happen, but it did.

I am so ashamed.

I'm sure you're just blowing
this out of proportion.

The Dorothy I raised is
a good Catholic girl.

And what's worse, in the
process, I have hurt a friend.

Hey, a true friend will
forgive you anything

and love you no matter what.

Just as I, your mother,
loves you, no matter what.

Now, tell me, Dorothy, what did
you do that's so terrible?

I hugged Miles.

You're going to hell, missy.

What? For hugging a man?

For lying to your mother.

I saw what was going on
on the lanai.

It was just a little kiss.

Little kiss? I haven't seen
that kind of face eating

since Silence of the Lambs.

Oh, Ma.
Ma, what am I gonna do?

We're gonna use this
for your own good.

Once I've told Rose
that I saw you kissing Miles,

I will have satisfied all the terms
of the Curse of the Strega.

Ma, you cannot tell Rose.

And I can't believe that you're still
talking about that silly curse.

I've worked
my butt off for you.

I kissed a fool,
I helped a holy man,

and I witnessed
the betrayal of a loved one.

That's a lot of work for a woman
who nods off all day on the couch.

Ma, please, please,

if somebody has to tell Rose,
please, let it be me.

I'm sorry, but that won't
satisfy the curse.

Besides, I'm doing this
for your own good.

For my own good?

The last time you said that

you volunteered me
for psychological experiments.

Hey, the pay was good.

And to this day nobody,

nobody can make it through
a maze faster than you can.

Dorothy, where's the cheese?

Right turn,
left turn, right turn.

Must find the cheese.

Must find the cheese.

Dorothy?

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.
Uh, listen, Rose.

Rose, may I ask you a question?

Uh, a purely
hypothetical question?

Oh, sure.
Okay.

Uh, let's say
that you make Miles

a batch of your delicious
creamy cupcakes.

And he loves them so much that he
wants you to make them all the time.

Miles does have a sweet tooth.

But let's say that even though he loves
your cupcakes more than life itself,

one day he decides to try
somebody else's cupcakes.

For lack of a better example,
let's say, my cupcakes.

And I, in a mad,
passionate moment,

uh, forget myself

and let him try my cupcakes.

How would that make you feel?

I'd like to think
I'd understand.

Oh. Good. Good.

I was hoping
that's what you would say.

(GIGGLING)

What?
I'm sorry.

It's just the idea of Miles
wanting to try your cupcakes.

Why is that funny?

No offense, Dorothy, but your
cupcakes are dry and tasteless.

Nobody ever likes
your cupcakes.

My cupcakes are
moist and delicious.

Men love my cupcakes.

Get a clue, Dorothy.

Men would rather
pay for cupcakes.

Let me tell you something,
you Swedish meatball,

I've... Wait, wait a minute.

You're actually talking
about cupcakes, aren't you?

You bet I'm talking about cupcakes.
What are you talking about?

Wait a minute.

Have you and Miles been
baking together?

Rose, I would never
do that to you. I swear.

Good.

Because if I ever caught Miles with
another woman in my kitchen, I'd...

Oh, Dorothy,
it's finally happened.

I have met
the man of my dreams.

My reason for livin'.
My soul mate.

Oh, Dorothy, I feel as if I've
known him for all eternity.

Oh, honey, what is his name?

Derek somethin'.

Oh, Dorothy, he's so classy.

He's English.

You know what that means?

You've completed your "Men of
Western Europe" collection.

You're not gonna
spoil this for me, Dorothy.

He is perfect.

He just takes my breath away.

Oh, my gosh.

My Grammy's necklace is gone.

I'll bet it slipped off when I
was showing Derek the view.

Blanche, we don't have a view.

Speak for yourself.

Oh, Miles,
I'm looking for Derek.

He's, uh, he's about yea
tall, has a mustache,

a British accent.
Have you seen him?

Why are you asking me, Blanche?

A man so blinded
by carnal desire

that he would throw away
everything he holds dear

for one forbidden kiss.

Come on, Miles.
Lay off the rum cake.

Dreyfuss, what are you doing?
That's not dog food.

That's... Herring balls.

Eat. Eat.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Sophia,
I'm very angry with you.

Not now, Barbara, I'm busy.

I've gotta find Rose
and tell her something.

Did you or did you not just tell
my sister that I betrayed her?

It was the only way I could get rid of her.
She's a nut, you know.

You see it, too?

That's why I was so angry

when she told me about that
thing she had done to you.

What thing?

You know.

No, I don't.

I think you do.

Hold it.
She wasn't the one who put the...

She joked about it.

I laughed because
I had to play along.

Well, I don't hate you, Sophia.

I hate her, and I'm gonna get her
back if it's the last thing I do.

Maybe the paperboy is right.
I'm just a mean old lady.

Dorothy.
Miles.

Look, Dorothy, about the kiss.

What kiss? I didn't see a kiss.
Was there a kiss?

No.

And neither of us
must speak of it,

because it never
really happened.

At least it wouldn't have if
you hadn't started up with me.

Me? I did no such thing.

Oh, please.

You with your neatly trimmed
beard and your flat stomach.

Oh, and I suppose
it was a mere accident

that you happen to have the softest
lips this side of my mother.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

You took that the wrong way.

That's... What I...
What I meant was...

Well, it's none of your business.
That woman was a saint.

Trollop.
Gigolo.

Is there something wrong here?

Oh, that woman is impossible.

The man is a cretin.

Dorothy? Miles?

Dorothy.

Sophia, I don't believe this.

What's wrong, Blanche?

It's Derek. He's gone.

What's more, nobody here has
seen him or even knows him.

And what's worse, I think
maybe he stole my necklace.

Can it be that his sweet
words meant nothin'?

That--That he was just
after my jewelry?

Blanche,
a terrible thing has happened.

But when life does
something like this to you,

there are a couple things
you gotta remember.

You got your health, right?

Yeah.

You can still walk, can't you?

That's true.

Great.
Go get me a glass of water.

BLANCHE: Oh, I hate him.
God, do I hate him.

Not only did he steal my necklace,
but he betrayed my trust.

Oh, please, God,
let him get caught.

Let him go to jail.

Let him rot and die
in some filthy cell

with the rats
gnawin' at his eyes.

You know, when you pray,

the kitchen almost
becomes a chapel.

He made me think he was
attracted to me, Dorothy.

He deserves the electric chair.

That'd shock the smirk
right off his smug limey face.

But, Blanche, what if he
didn't steal the necklace?

Well, then we'll
probably get married.

Come on, Miles.
Please, no...

You have to talk to Dorothy.
Rose, I can't.

I want to know
what you're fighting about.

Look, Rose, it is no big deal.

Sweetheart,
this doesn't involve you.

Well, look,
no one's leaving this kitchen

until someone tells the truth.

I'll tell you.
Miles.

Dorothy.

Dorothy stole $500 from me.

You liar.

Well, just stop it,
both of you.

We're all friends here.

And there are gonna be times when
we accidentally hurt one another.

And there are gonna be times
when we accidentally

steal large sums of money.

I didn't!

Now I want to see you two
kiss and make up.

Oh-oh.

Well, this is silly, Ro.

Just do it.

Rose.

Thank God I found you.
It's not too late.

Don't, Ma.
Don't try to stop me, Dorothy.

This curse is bigger
than both of us.

Well, bigger than me.

I'm only doing this
because I love you.

ROSE: What is it, Sophia?

I saw Dorothy
and Miles kissing.

I said, I saw Dorothy, your friend,
and Miles, your fiance, kissing.

Hello?

Dorothy. Miles.
Lips aflame.

They were kissing.

And?

And she's pregnant
with his love child.

What do you mean, "And"?

Isn't that enough?
Aren't you shocked?

Not really.
I--I saw them kiss.

Oh, it's no big deal, Sophia.

In fact, I think
it solved everything.

Well, Ma,

you must be glad that we're
finished with the curse.

Yeah, yeah, curse. I revealed a
betrayal, and she didn't even cry.

It was more fun
tripping the rabbi.

Is he still here?

Come on, Dreyfuss.
You're always the last one to leave a party.

What's that?
Timmy needs help?

I know. You always hate it
when I do that. Good night.

Uh, excuse me, excuse me.
Uh, Blanche Devereaux?

I'm Blanche Devereaux.

Blanche, my pet, I'm afraid
there's been a terrible mistake.

This gentleman thinks
I stole your car.

My car? You stole my car?

Borrowed, precious.

That's his story,

but I know what happens with
older folks like yourself.

A guy comes to the door, he talks
too fast, you get confused.

You'd think they'd have more
respect for senior citizens.

I lent him the car.

Oh, come on, Blanche.

You have to admit,
when you get to our age

there are people
who can outwit us.

I gave him the car.

I knew exactly
what I was doing.

A tossed salad could
outwit you, Rose.

Well, all right, ma'am.

If you say you know this fellow,
then I guess it's all right.

You have a good night.

Well, Derek?

Darling, I can explain.

A tossed salad can outwit me?

Will someone please tell me
what that's supposed to mean?

Perhaps I should
explain privately.

I cannot believe this.
I just can't.

I give you four of the
best hours of my life,

and this is the thanks I get?

Blanche, my darling,
I can explain.

Oh, you have disappointed me, Derek,
and you have lost my trust.

And when a man loses the trust
of Blanche Devereaux,

well, let's just say
I have a list of things

I will not do with guys
I don't trust.

Admittedly, it's a short list,

but I bet all your favorites
are on it.

Oh, Blanche, you must listen.

How could you have done this?

Blanche, I'm a thief.

Well, actually, I was a thief.

As I was driving away this
evening in your car...

Oh, for shame!

I suddenly thought,
"What am I doing?

"For a few paltry jewels, I'm throwing
away the greatest jewel of all."

Oh, come on,
what's on the list?

Not so fast.

Let's just wait till you're
completely rehabilitated.

Which can be fun, too.

Well, let me start
my rehabilitation

by giving you back
your lovely necklace.

Thank you.

And your ankle bracelet.

Thank you.

And your signet ring.

That isn't mine.

Oh, well, then we're square.

Blanche, you were right.

What do we have without trust?

Because with trust
anything is possible.

Anything.

Well, not to be
overly cautious,

but I do think I'll go
put these in the safe.

Oh, I understand.

There's a safe?

So, you're Blanche's thief.

Blanche, a remarkable woman.

I've known her
just this evening,

and she's already reformed me.

The result of her benevolence,
I shall steal no more.

Boy, I don't envy you.

My friends in the work force
say this is no easy time

to be changing careers.

Those are lovely earrings
you're wearing.

Thank you.
They're family heirlooms.

They're worth more than your lazy-ass
husband will make in a lifetime.

Or at least that's how Mom
used to describe them to me.

Rose, has anyone ever told you

your eyes are as blue as
the Mediterranean in summer?

No. I've been warned if I cross
them, they'll stay that way.

Or that your lips are as luscious
as red raspberries in fall?

I love raspberries.

Or that your fragrance...
Oh, my God, your fragrance

drives a man to the absolute
limit of his self-control?

(MOANS)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Oh, Lord.

I act like a bad girl once
in my life and I get caught.

We ran a make on that
gentleman friend of yours.

Seems he's wanted for jewel
theft in four states.

Afraid I'm gonna have to ask
him to come along with me.

He's not a thief.

He's a-- He's a thoroughly
changed man.

See for yourself.

He's gone.

Ma, I'm scared.
I don't think the curse is over yet.

Dorothy, you don't have
to rationalize to me.

You want another
glass of wine, take it.

Oh, I feel guiltier than ever.

Ma, I didn't tell
a friend the truth.

Rose doesn't need to find out.

We can move on with our lives
as if nothing happened.

Let it go, pussycat.

Dorothy, she's right.

I'm gonna marry Rose,
you'll be the maid of honor.

Oh, that's right, that's
right, the maid of honor.

The guilty, sin-ridden,
back-stabbing maid of honor.

She's not letting go.

Look, I'm sorry, Ma,
I don't like to keep secrets.

Oh, like when you
kept the secret

you were taking me
to Shady Pines?

Ma, I swear I didn't sleep more
than seven hours that night.

I'm telling Rose.

Hey, Dorothy, if you tell Rose,

she'll think
I'm trying to hide it.

Well, you are.
Only because you were.

Hey, hey, now listen, if you're gonna
tell her, I'm gonna tell her first.

What difference does it make
who tells her first?

Look, this isn't for our
good, it's for her good.

Now, let's just go
out there and tell her.

Look, Dorothy, if you let me tell her
first, I'll forget about the $500.

That's a lie.

Bad girl. I'm a bad girl.

Rose?
She's a bad girl.

Look, Rose, we have to talk.
Please, sit down a second.

Oh, I don't deserve to sit.

Rose,
what are you talking about?

Oh, Dorothy, you can't see my
dark side because you're good,

and good can't see evil.

Oh, no, no.
I am the evil one.

I kissed Miles.

I know you kissed Miles.
I saw you.

No, before that.

It was earlier and longer.

Look, Rose.
Rose, it--it just happened.

I mean, evil took over my lips.
I--I feel so guilty.

We both do.

Well, that's the silliest
thing I ever heard,

feeling guilty for sharing
a little kiss with a friend.

Well, see, she's right.

There's nothing wrong
with kissing a friend.

Or a stranger.

Who knows
why we acted like we did.

We?

Let me finish.

Miles, maybe you did it

because you're just a little
nervous about us getting married.

Well, I am a little.

Well, that's because we're rushing
into it for some free honeymoon.

Not because we're ready.

And, Dorothy,
maybe subconsciously,

you were trying
to block my marriage

because you like me
living here.

Okay.

And, Sophia, maybe you wanted

to tell me about Miles
and Dorothy kissing

because you're just a mean old
woman like the paperboy said.

Okay.

Where's... Where's Derek?

Oh, I'm sorry, Blanche, the police
came for him, and he ran away.

He's gone? Gone again?

Are you all right, Blanche?

Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I guess I'm all right.

I mean, I threw my party because
I wanted romance and excitement

and moonlight madness,
and that's what I got.

I got it all
with an English accent,

and I didn't have to compromise my virtue.
I feel like a lady again.

And to tell you the truth,

I'm startin' to get sick of it.

What a night.

Doesn't it feel as though
we just woke from a dream?

You know, it really has been
like Shakespeare,

with magic and moonlight

and the wrong people
falling in love.

I mean, what does Puck say
in the last speech from

A Midsummer Night's Dream?

"If we shadows have offended,

"Think but this,
and all is mended,

"That you have
but slumbered here

"While these visions
did appear.

"And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream"

Well, pardon me
while I play the grand piano.

Good evening,
this is Tony Segreto

from Station WTVJ,
Miami, Florida.

We have just experienced the
first full moon of the cycle,

but be prepared.

The next full moon
is on the rise.

All of Miami is abuzz

as the lunar pull impacts
behavior across the country.

Our switchboard hasn't
stopped lighting up

with calls from citizens sighting
high tides, romantic trysts,

werewolves,
women proposing to men,

and a grunion holocaust
as sheer lunacy takes

a strong hold over the city.

And later this evening,

Pete Rose's reflections
on the Winter Olympics

and an original sonnet,
but first,

stay tuned for
more lunar madness.