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♪ You're a pal and a confidant
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00:00:06,405 --> 00:00:09,607
♪ And if you threw a party
3
00:00:09,675 --> 00:00:13,210
♪ Invited everyone you knew
4
00:00:14,613 --> 00:00:16,114
♪ You would see
5
00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,582
♪ The biggest giftwould be from me
6
00:00:18,650 --> 00:00:21,552
♪ And the card attachedwould say
7
00:00:21,620 --> 00:00:27,259
♪ Thank youfor being a friend ♪
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(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)
9
00:00:48,246 --> 00:00:49,781
Dorothy, what are you doing?
10
00:00:49,848 --> 00:00:52,349
I'm watching Amazing Discoveries.
Look at that.
11
00:00:52,417 --> 00:00:55,053
The thing just shucks
the corn off the cob.
12
00:00:57,122 --> 00:00:59,824
It just shucks it off.
13
00:00:59,892 --> 00:01:02,727
I cannot watch you spend
one more night like this.
14
00:01:02,795 --> 00:01:04,361
You're coming with me
to the Rusty Anchor.
15
00:01:04,429 --> 00:01:08,733
Oh, Blanche, I told you, I am so
uncomfortable with strangers.
16
00:01:08,801 --> 00:01:10,334
Now, now, don't blame yourself.
17
00:01:10,402 --> 00:01:12,369
They're just as
uncomfortable with you.
18
00:01:14,106 --> 00:01:16,708
It all stems from
your low self-esteem.
19
00:01:16,775 --> 00:01:18,009
What are you talking about?
20
00:01:18,077 --> 00:01:19,911
Dorothy, if you felt
better about yourself
21
00:01:19,978 --> 00:01:21,645
you'd want to get
out and do more.
22
00:01:21,714 --> 00:01:23,480
I have a little exercise I do
23
00:01:23,548 --> 00:01:25,549
whenever my self-esteem's
kind of low.
24
00:01:25,617 --> 00:01:29,153
I say my name and then I list three
positive things about myself.
25
00:01:29,221 --> 00:01:31,923
I'm Blanche Devereaux.
I'm beautiful,
26
00:01:31,990 --> 00:01:35,827
men find me desirable, and
people want to be my friend.
27
00:01:35,894 --> 00:01:37,328
Go on now, you try.
Oh, Blanche.
28
00:01:37,395 --> 00:01:38,763
Oh, please. Please.
29
00:01:38,831 --> 00:01:42,299
(SIGHS) I'm Dorothy Zbornak.
I'm beautiful,
30
00:01:42,367 --> 00:01:46,503
men find me desirable, and
people want to be my friend.
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00:01:49,608 --> 00:01:51,575
I'm sorry
I confused you, honey.
32
00:01:51,643 --> 00:01:54,578
You're supposed to say three
positive things that apply to you.
33
00:01:57,449 --> 00:02:00,284
You know, like you could say,
"I'm Dorothy Zbornak.
34
00:02:00,352 --> 00:02:03,755
"I'm a good speller, and I'm...
35
00:02:03,822 --> 00:02:07,291
"I'm very prompt and, um..."
36
00:02:07,359 --> 00:02:09,127
Well, actually,
there's-- there's no law
37
00:02:09,194 --> 00:02:10,828
that says
there has to be three.
38
00:02:12,064 --> 00:02:14,732
Actually, I just thought
of a third one.
39
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:18,335
I can snap a friend's neck
like a twig.
40
00:02:20,472 --> 00:02:21,538
ROSE: There we go.
41
00:02:21,606 --> 00:02:22,874
(BOTH LAUGHING)
42
00:02:22,941 --> 00:02:27,211
Oh, girls, we just went
to Doug Kirkpatrick's wake.
43
00:02:27,279 --> 00:02:29,046
It was the greatest.
44
00:02:29,114 --> 00:02:30,948
I can't remember
when I had so much fun.
45
00:02:31,016 --> 00:02:32,583
Those Irishmen.
46
00:02:32,651 --> 00:02:35,486
They even laid out Doug's
body in the living room.
47
00:02:35,553 --> 00:02:37,655
Oh, that sounds morbid.
48
00:02:37,722 --> 00:02:39,456
I didn't have a problem with it
49
00:02:39,524 --> 00:02:41,692
till one of the relatives
got drunk and started
50
00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:43,795
slow dancing with the corpse.
51
00:02:46,765 --> 00:02:50,501
But even then
it was surprisingly touching.
52
00:02:50,568 --> 00:02:52,236
And speaking of being touched,
53
00:02:52,304 --> 00:02:54,939
it's nickel beer night
at the Rusty Anchor.
54
00:02:55,007 --> 00:02:56,373
I'm gonna get my purse,
55
00:02:56,441 --> 00:02:58,242
you get changed,
'cause we're goin'.
56
00:02:58,310 --> 00:03:00,945
Oh, Blanche, what if no one
there wants to talk to me?
57
00:03:01,013 --> 00:03:02,880
What if nobody
asks me to dance?
58
00:03:02,948 --> 00:03:04,615
Now, Dorothy, think,
59
00:03:04,683 --> 00:03:07,251
if there's somebody out there who
is willin' to dance with a corpse,
60
00:03:07,319 --> 00:03:09,753
there's somebody willin'
to dance with you.
61
00:03:14,026 --> 00:03:15,659
Blanche, wait, wait, wait.
62
00:03:15,727 --> 00:03:18,462
Listen, maybe this wasn't
such a good idea.
63
00:03:18,530 --> 00:03:20,998
Well, nonsense.
I promise you're gonna have a good time.
64
00:03:21,066 --> 00:03:23,801
Wait. You're going to introduce
me to some of your friends?
65
00:03:23,869 --> 00:03:26,804
Yes, if I see anybody I know.
66
00:03:27,539 --> 00:03:29,106
ALL: Blanche!
67
00:03:29,174 --> 00:03:31,475
Hi, everybody!
68
00:03:31,543 --> 00:03:33,911
Hey, Blanche. How's life?
69
00:03:33,979 --> 00:03:36,247
Well,
it's a dog-eat-dog world,
70
00:03:36,315 --> 00:03:38,216
and I'm wearin' no underwear.
71
00:03:42,721 --> 00:03:45,389
Hi, everybody.
Hi, Frank.
72
00:03:45,457 --> 00:03:48,525
Hey, boys, I want you all to
meet my best friend Dorothy.
73
00:03:48,593 --> 00:03:51,128
Dorothy, this is Frank
and Alan and Paul.
74
00:03:51,196 --> 00:03:52,529
Hiya, Dorothy.
How are you?
75
00:03:52,597 --> 00:03:53,965
You boys show her a good time.
76
00:03:54,032 --> 00:03:56,133
I would, but I want
to have one myself.
77
00:04:05,878 --> 00:04:08,880
You're... You're a little
uncomfortable, aren't you?
78
00:04:12,550 --> 00:04:15,319
Uh, to be...
79
00:04:15,387 --> 00:04:17,821
To be honest, I'm not really
80
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:19,656
into the bar scene.
81
00:04:19,724 --> 00:04:22,193
I...
I sense you're not either.
82
00:04:25,097 --> 00:04:28,832
I guess the problem is to
make that human connection,
83
00:04:28,901 --> 00:04:31,035
you know, with the...
84
00:04:36,375 --> 00:04:38,009
(PLAYING SOFT MUSIC)
85
00:04:40,312 --> 00:04:42,046
Hi.
Hi.
86
00:04:42,114 --> 00:04:44,148
I haven't seen you here before.
87
00:04:44,216 --> 00:04:47,084
I usually don't come
to places like this.
88
00:04:47,152 --> 00:04:48,585
Well, I can understand.
89
00:04:48,653 --> 00:04:50,788
A lot of people feel
uncomfortable in a bar.
90
00:04:50,855 --> 00:04:51,989
(BLANCHE LAUGHING)
91
00:04:56,694 --> 00:04:58,562
Yes, I can see that.
92
00:05:04,069 --> 00:05:06,270
(HUMMING)
93
00:05:06,338 --> 00:05:09,273
Hey, you don't
happen to sing, do you?
94
00:05:09,341 --> 00:05:12,977
What makes you think that I--I
sing, or would even want to?
95
00:05:13,045 --> 00:05:15,146
I mean, you know,
some people might enjoy
96
00:05:15,213 --> 00:05:17,114
making fools of
themselves in public,
97
00:05:17,182 --> 00:05:20,584
but, uh... Me, sing?
I... I don't think so.
98
00:05:20,652 --> 00:05:23,687
You sing, don't you?
A little.
99
00:05:23,755 --> 00:05:26,857
Great. Uh, how about
some Irving Berlin?
100
00:05:26,925 --> 00:05:29,093
Blue Skies? Always?
101
00:05:30,262 --> 00:05:32,129
Maybe...
Maybe some other time.
102
00:05:32,197 --> 00:05:33,297
What'll I Do?
103
00:05:33,365 --> 00:05:34,999
D flat is good for me.
104
00:05:39,104 --> 00:05:41,439
♪ What'll I do?
105
00:05:41,506 --> 00:05:45,142
(HUMMING)
106
00:05:45,210 --> 00:05:47,078
♪ ...away
107
00:05:47,145 --> 00:05:50,114
♪ And I am blue
108
00:05:50,182 --> 00:05:51,815
♪ What'll I do?
109
00:05:51,883 --> 00:05:53,217
Very nice.
110
00:05:53,885 --> 00:05:55,886
♪ What'll I do
111
00:05:55,954 --> 00:06:00,491
♪ When I am wondering
112
00:06:00,558 --> 00:06:04,295
♪ Who is kissing you
113
00:06:04,363 --> 00:06:06,464
♪ What'll I do?
114
00:06:06,531 --> 00:06:07,898
You're very good, Dorothy.
115
00:06:07,966 --> 00:06:10,534
♪ What'll I do
116
00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:15,539
♪ With just a photograph
117
00:06:15,607 --> 00:06:20,611
♪ To tell my troubles to?
118
00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:24,681
♪ When I'm alone
119
00:06:25,683 --> 00:06:29,920
♪ With only dreams of you
120
00:06:29,988 --> 00:06:33,391
♪ That won't come true
121
00:06:33,458 --> 00:06:36,260
♪ What'll I do?
122
00:06:38,730 --> 00:06:41,665
♪ What'll I do
123
00:06:41,733 --> 00:06:46,737
♪ With just a photograph
124
00:06:48,106 --> 00:06:54,611
♪ To tell my troubles to?
125
00:06:54,679 --> 00:06:57,848
♪ When I'm alone
126
00:06:59,217 --> 00:07:04,088
♪ With only dreams of you
127
00:07:04,156 --> 00:07:08,192
♪ That won't come true
128
00:07:09,094 --> 00:07:12,296
♪ What'll I do?
129
00:07:16,634 --> 00:07:18,235
(ALL CHEERING)
130
00:07:23,208 --> 00:07:24,375
Your friend's pretty good.
131
00:07:24,443 --> 00:07:26,544
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm not wearing a bra.
132
00:07:36,154 --> 00:07:37,521
Oh, Blanche, honey,
133
00:07:37,589 --> 00:07:40,257
I just wanted to thank you
again for last night.
134
00:07:40,325 --> 00:07:43,360
Hmm? Oh, yeah.
Sure. No problem.
135
00:07:43,428 --> 00:07:46,797
You still haven't said
anything about my performance.
136
00:07:46,864 --> 00:07:48,732
What, you mean that little
ditty you croaked out?
137
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,267
I thought it was cute.
138
00:07:52,204 --> 00:07:56,240
Dorothy, how would you like
to go to a wake next Friday?
139
00:07:56,308 --> 00:07:59,143
Ma, you know how I feel
about those things.
140
00:07:59,211 --> 00:08:00,944
They're so sad and depressing.
141
00:08:01,012 --> 00:08:02,379
Whose wake is it anyway?
142
00:08:02,447 --> 00:08:03,880
Mine.
What time?
143
00:08:05,350 --> 00:08:07,184
No, she's serious.
144
00:08:07,252 --> 00:08:10,454
Next Friday Sophia's
gonna throw her own wake.
145
00:08:10,522 --> 00:08:12,022
Food, drinks, music.
146
00:08:12,090 --> 00:08:14,225
The only difference will be
she'll be alive.
147
00:08:14,292 --> 00:08:15,692
God willing.
148
00:08:18,296 --> 00:08:20,931
Wait a minute, what--what
are you talking about?
149
00:08:20,999 --> 00:08:25,302
At Doug's wake, people got up and
said wonderful things about him.
150
00:08:25,370 --> 00:08:27,070
But he wasn't there to hear it.
151
00:08:27,139 --> 00:08:29,173
I don't want that
to happen to me.
152
00:08:29,241 --> 00:08:31,808
I want to hear
how people feel about me.
153
00:08:31,876 --> 00:08:34,545
I want to be there to listen
as they salute my--my grace,
154
00:08:34,613 --> 00:08:36,713
my wit, my inner beauty.
155
00:08:36,781 --> 00:08:38,982
Ma, writers cost money.
156
00:08:41,553 --> 00:08:43,086
Now,
this whole idea is twisted.
157
00:08:43,155 --> 00:08:45,822
Come on, you're gonna be
around for years.
158
00:08:45,890 --> 00:08:48,359
There's no reason for anybody
to say goodbye to you.
159
00:08:48,426 --> 00:08:50,361
Dorothy, I want this.
160
00:08:50,428 --> 00:08:52,296
There's nothing
you can do to stop me.
161
00:08:52,364 --> 00:08:55,866
Nothing you can say will prevent me
from having the wake of my dreams.
162
00:08:55,933 --> 00:08:57,401
Well, I'm not paying for it.
163
00:08:57,469 --> 00:09:01,172
Okay, a kitten.
Can I have a kitten?
164
00:09:01,239 --> 00:09:04,642
Sophia, I'll be happy to pay
for your wake. I love you.
165
00:09:04,709 --> 00:09:05,842
Well, me, too.
166
00:09:05,910 --> 00:09:08,212
Well, fine. Fine.
Do what you want.
167
00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:10,814
Just don't expect me
to be a part of it.
168
00:09:12,217 --> 00:09:14,318
I even know a way
we can save some money.
169
00:09:14,386 --> 00:09:16,220
I'll make the hors d'oeuvres.
170
00:09:16,288 --> 00:09:18,355
Some wake.
171
00:09:18,423 --> 00:09:20,457
Scandinavian crap on a cracker.
172
00:09:22,594 --> 00:09:24,861
I mean, thank you.
173
00:09:34,472 --> 00:09:39,810
(ALL CHANTING)
Blanche, Blanche, Blanche...
174
00:09:42,747 --> 00:09:44,781
It's a bosun's knot, all right!
175
00:09:44,849 --> 00:09:46,116
(ALL CHEERING)
176
00:09:47,151 --> 00:09:50,053
Now for my encore.
177
00:09:50,121 --> 00:09:52,690
Ahem, the Star of David!
178
00:09:52,757 --> 00:09:54,157
(MEN EXCLAIMING)
179
00:09:54,226 --> 00:09:55,659
Hey, it's Dorothy!
180
00:09:55,727 --> 00:09:57,761
Hey, Dorothy!
MAN 1: Hi!
181
00:09:59,197 --> 00:10:01,498
MAN 2: Dorothy, glad to see you again.
MAN 3: Hi!
182
00:10:01,566 --> 00:10:04,067
Hey, come on down here
and let me buy you a drink.
183
00:10:04,135 --> 00:10:06,370
Hey, no, no, no, no.
I wanna buy her a drink!
184
00:10:06,438 --> 00:10:09,206
Hey, I asked her first.
Oh, come on, come on. Boys, boys, boys!
185
00:10:09,274 --> 00:10:11,709
I am woman enough
for all of you.
186
00:10:14,713 --> 00:10:18,081
This is the point in my dream where
I usually wake up screamin'.
187
00:10:18,149 --> 00:10:19,950
What are you doing here
anyway, Dorothy?
188
00:10:20,017 --> 00:10:22,620
Well, I tell you, I was on
my way to the laundromat,
189
00:10:22,687 --> 00:10:25,155
and I just happened to pass by
and thought I'd drop in.
190
00:10:25,223 --> 00:10:27,691
Well, uh, you gonna sing
for us tonight, Dorothy?
191
00:10:27,759 --> 00:10:29,192
Oh, yeah, Dorothy.
Yeah, yeah. Come on.
192
00:10:29,261 --> 00:10:30,628
No, no, no.
I'm not prepared.
193
00:10:30,695 --> 00:10:32,396
Come on, you gotta
sing for us again.
194
00:10:32,464 --> 00:10:33,764
Really I wouldn't know what to do.
Oh, come on.
195
00:10:33,831 --> 00:10:35,832
Hey, she said
she's not prepared.
196
00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:38,335
There's no use asking her to...
Will you look what I found?
197
00:10:38,403 --> 00:10:39,903
Sheet music!
198
00:10:39,971 --> 00:10:41,438
(ALL CHEERING)
199
00:10:45,176 --> 00:10:46,610
Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute!
200
00:10:46,678 --> 00:10:48,879
I--I have a much better idea.
Let's all conga!
201
00:10:48,946 --> 00:10:50,113
MAN 4: Later, Blanche.
202
00:10:50,181 --> 00:10:51,649
We wanna hear Dorothy sing.
203
00:10:52,751 --> 00:10:54,184
(EXCLAIMS)
204
00:10:54,252 --> 00:10:57,254
(PLAYING HARD HEARTED HANNAH)
205
00:10:57,322 --> 00:10:59,690
♪ They call her
hard-hearted Hannah
206
00:10:59,758 --> 00:11:01,958
♪ The vamp of Savannah
207
00:11:02,026 --> 00:11:04,861
♪ Meanest gal in town
208
00:11:04,929 --> 00:11:06,963
♪ Now, leather is tough
209
00:11:07,031 --> 00:11:09,232
♪ But Hannah's heart is tougher
210
00:11:09,301 --> 00:11:13,737
♪ She's a gal who likes
to see men suffer
211
00:11:13,805 --> 00:11:16,006
What's the matter, Blanche?
You seem upset. Is anything wrong?
212
00:11:16,073 --> 00:11:18,175
Oh, no. No big deal.
213
00:11:18,242 --> 00:11:19,443
Just one little thing.
214
00:11:19,511 --> 00:11:21,445
I feel like I've died
and gone to hell.
215
00:11:23,147 --> 00:11:25,182
♪ She's hard-hearted Hannah
216
00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:30,220
♪ The vamp of Savannah, GA
217
00:11:30,288 --> 00:11:31,789
(ALL CHEERING)
218
00:11:37,361 --> 00:11:39,662
Excuse me,
I couldn't help but notice
219
00:11:39,730 --> 00:11:43,032
you took several of my tasty,
delicious, lutefisk puffs
220
00:11:43,099 --> 00:11:44,534
and you've hardly touched them.
221
00:11:44,601 --> 00:11:47,036
Uh, I just don't care for them.
222
00:11:48,972 --> 00:11:50,973
Yeah, well, that's an ugly hat.
223
00:11:54,911 --> 00:11:57,447
Rose, nobody's having a good time.
It's supposed to be a party.
224
00:11:57,514 --> 00:11:59,782
Well, maybe when Sophia
makes her entrance,
225
00:11:59,850 --> 00:12:01,417
it'll perk things up.
226
00:12:01,485 --> 00:12:04,620
Oh, everybody, here's Myrtle!
227
00:12:04,688 --> 00:12:07,457
Oh, Myrtle,
thank goodness you got here.
228
00:12:07,524 --> 00:12:09,959
You're just the person we need
to liven up this party.
229
00:12:10,026 --> 00:12:12,228
Do some of those impressions
you're so good at.
230
00:12:12,295 --> 00:12:14,864
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
231
00:12:14,931 --> 00:12:16,065
(EXCLAIMS)
232
00:12:16,132 --> 00:12:17,700
Jimmy Swaggart, right?
233
00:12:21,137 --> 00:12:23,506
That's just wonderful.
Do another one.
234
00:12:23,574 --> 00:12:25,808
The last time I saw her
she was fine.
235
00:12:25,876 --> 00:12:28,411
I didn't even know
she was sick.
236
00:12:28,479 --> 00:12:29,812
What happened?
237
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,648
Wait, don't tell me.
Uh, Claus von Bulow?
238
00:12:37,554 --> 00:12:40,055
I'm talking about Sophia.
239
00:12:40,123 --> 00:12:41,591
How did she die?
240
00:12:41,658 --> 00:12:43,493
What do you mean,
how did she...
241
00:12:44,395 --> 00:12:45,495
Excuse me.
242
00:12:47,931 --> 00:12:52,167
Rose, listen, I want you to
think now, very carefully.
243
00:12:52,235 --> 00:12:54,236
When you sent out
those invitations,
244
00:12:54,304 --> 00:12:56,071
you did remember
to tell everyone
245
00:12:56,139 --> 00:12:58,441
Sophia's really alive,
didn't you?
246
00:12:58,509 --> 00:13:01,411
Blanche, I'm offended.
247
00:13:01,478 --> 00:13:03,679
How dumb do you think I am?
248
00:13:03,747 --> 00:13:05,247
I put it...
249
00:13:07,350 --> 00:13:09,018
I made the freaking
hors d'oeuvres.
250
00:13:09,085 --> 00:13:10,553
Leave me alone.
251
00:13:13,023 --> 00:13:16,191
You idiot.
Everybody thinks she's dead now!
252
00:13:16,259 --> 00:13:18,461
Well, we're gonna have to tell 'em
the truth before she comes...
253
00:13:18,529 --> 00:13:20,062
Hey, everyone!
254
00:13:20,130 --> 00:13:21,731
(MOURNERS SCREAMING)
255
00:13:21,799 --> 00:13:24,033
Thanks for coming to my wake.
256
00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:25,668
What do you think of the dress?
257
00:13:25,736 --> 00:13:27,136
(WOMEN EXCLAIMING)
258
00:13:30,273 --> 00:13:32,742
Well, excuse me
for buying off the rack.
259
00:13:33,944 --> 00:13:36,111
Sophia, is it really you?
260
00:13:36,179 --> 00:13:38,314
You're supposed to be dead.
261
00:13:38,381 --> 00:13:40,215
Hold that thought.
262
00:13:40,283 --> 00:13:44,153
Rose, you forgot to tell these
people I was alive, didn't you?
263
00:13:44,220 --> 00:13:45,755
And I made the freaking punch,
264
00:13:45,823 --> 00:13:47,824
and I made
the freaking decorations.
265
00:13:49,092 --> 00:13:52,528
What is this?
Some kind of sick joke?
266
00:13:52,596 --> 00:13:54,864
(CHATTERING)
267
00:13:54,932 --> 00:13:57,500
All right, everybody,
now just stop!
268
00:13:57,568 --> 00:14:00,503
Okay, so there's been
a little misunderstanding.
269
00:14:00,571 --> 00:14:03,005
But the point is,
you're all here.
270
00:14:03,073 --> 00:14:06,342
And you were invited
to--to celebrate Sophia's life
271
00:14:06,409 --> 00:14:09,011
and--and the wonderful
times you've shared.
272
00:14:09,079 --> 00:14:12,448
And--And the good news is
that Sophia's still with us.
273
00:14:12,516 --> 00:14:14,350
So, now you have
the chance to tell her
274
00:14:14,417 --> 00:14:16,118
how you really feel about her.
275
00:14:16,186 --> 00:14:17,920
I'll go first.
276
00:14:20,023 --> 00:14:22,291
Sophia, I drove 30 miles
277
00:14:22,359 --> 00:14:25,027
and missed a day of work
just to be here.
278
00:14:25,095 --> 00:14:28,130
I think it's very selfish
of you not to be dead.
279
00:14:30,501 --> 00:14:31,968
And I missed...
280
00:14:32,035 --> 00:14:34,637
Well, actually, I didn't have
anything planned for today,
281
00:14:34,705 --> 00:14:37,006
but I'm still p. o.'d.
282
00:14:41,478 --> 00:14:43,646
Oh, I'm so sorry, Sophia.
283
00:14:43,714 --> 00:14:45,748
But, you know, the important
thing is they all came.
284
00:14:45,816 --> 00:14:48,017
And... And, when they thought you
were dead, they were real sad.
285
00:14:48,084 --> 00:14:49,619
Now that counts for somethin'.
286
00:14:49,686 --> 00:14:51,120
I guess you're right.
287
00:14:51,187 --> 00:14:54,256
But I still wish my wake
hadn't been such a disaster.
288
00:14:54,324 --> 00:14:55,992
Well, look on the bright side.
289
00:14:56,059 --> 00:14:57,593
You'll have another one.
290
00:15:01,064 --> 00:15:02,131
ALL: Dorothy!
291
00:15:02,198 --> 00:15:03,733
Hi, everybody!
292
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:04,934
MAN: Hey, Dorothy.
293
00:15:05,002 --> 00:15:06,235
Hey, Dorothy,
what's your pleasure?
294
00:15:06,302 --> 00:15:08,370
Claude Akins on a waterbed.
295
00:15:08,438 --> 00:15:10,039
(ALL LAUGHING)
296
00:15:10,106 --> 00:15:13,042
Until then,
a beer will have to do.
297
00:15:13,109 --> 00:15:14,844
Hey, guys, what about me?
298
00:15:14,912 --> 00:15:16,679
Blanche!
Well, that's more like it.
299
00:15:16,747 --> 00:15:18,014
Shut the door.
300
00:15:20,316 --> 00:15:22,785
See? What did I tell you?
301
00:15:22,853 --> 00:15:25,187
That's why I wanted you to come
down and see for yourself.
302
00:15:25,255 --> 00:15:28,824
Look at that. The men are
practically swarming all over her.
303
00:15:28,892 --> 00:15:31,894
Just like she was somebody.
304
00:15:31,962 --> 00:15:35,364
I just have to keep reminding
myself, I am Blanche Devereaux.
305
00:15:35,432 --> 00:15:39,334
I am beautiful,
men find me desirable,
306
00:15:39,402 --> 00:15:41,003
and my life is over.
307
00:15:42,539 --> 00:15:45,541
Boy, when the mask falls off,
it really makes a thud.
308
00:15:47,644 --> 00:15:49,745
Come on, Dorothy,
sing something for us.
309
00:15:49,813 --> 00:15:51,246
Oh, yeah.
Come on, sing something for us.
310
00:15:51,314 --> 00:15:53,883
Something wrong, Sophia?
311
00:15:53,951 --> 00:15:57,086
I don't believe it.
My Dorothy is popular.
312
00:15:57,153 --> 00:16:02,024
After 60 years of bargaining
with God, it's finally happened.
313
00:16:02,092 --> 00:16:05,260
Per our agreement, I'm off to
Calcutta to work with the poor.
314
00:16:09,399 --> 00:16:13,535
Well, I for one have had it
with Miss Dorothy Zbornak.
315
00:16:13,604 --> 00:16:16,739
I'm gonna get this bar's attention
if it's the last thing I do.
316
00:16:16,807 --> 00:16:19,609
MAN: Why don't you do what you did last time?
That would be good. That...
317
00:16:19,676 --> 00:16:21,577
Hey, fellows, what's goin' on?
318
00:16:21,645 --> 00:16:22,979
Oh, yeah, hi, Blanche.
Sit down.
319
00:16:23,046 --> 00:16:24,981
Dorothy's about to sing for us.
Yeah.
320
00:16:25,048 --> 00:16:28,117
Did it ever occur to any of you
that maybe I'd like to sing?
321
00:16:28,184 --> 00:16:30,086
(LAUGHING) Come on, Blanche.
322
00:16:30,153 --> 00:16:31,821
You've been coming here
seven years,
323
00:16:31,888 --> 00:16:33,823
the only thing I've ever seen
you do on that piano is...
324
00:16:33,890 --> 00:16:35,691
Hey, hey, hey.
There's a lady present.
325
00:16:36,259 --> 00:16:38,127
Thank you.
326
00:16:38,194 --> 00:16:41,897
Everybody, may I have
your attention, please?
327
00:16:41,965 --> 00:16:44,199
Two can play at this game,
you know.
328
00:16:44,267 --> 00:16:45,801
Boys,
329
00:16:45,869 --> 00:16:48,170
I have a little
surprise for you.
330
00:16:48,238 --> 00:16:50,539
Yeah, yeah, we know.
You're not wearing a bra.
331
00:16:52,609 --> 00:16:56,112
No. No, I'm gonna sing.
332
00:16:56,179 --> 00:16:57,412
(MEN EXCLAIMING)
333
00:16:59,282 --> 00:17:00,549
Could you, please?
334
00:17:00,617 --> 00:17:02,151
Thank you.
335
00:17:06,489 --> 00:17:11,761
For all my special friendshere at the Rusty Anchor,
336
00:17:11,828 --> 00:17:13,328
this one's for you.
337
00:17:14,064 --> 00:17:15,430
Hit it, Ron.
338
00:17:15,498 --> 00:17:18,500
(PLAYING I WANNA BELOVED BY YOU)
339
00:17:18,568 --> 00:17:22,104
♪ I wanna be loved by you
340
00:17:22,973 --> 00:17:24,473
♪ Just you
341
00:17:24,541 --> 00:17:28,210
♪ And nobody else but you
342
00:17:30,013 --> 00:17:34,416
♪ I wanna be loved by you
343
00:17:34,484 --> 00:17:37,653
♪ Alone
344
00:17:37,721 --> 00:17:39,621
♪ Boop-boop-ba-doo
345
00:17:41,925 --> 00:17:44,493
♪ Kissed by you, just you
346
00:17:44,561 --> 00:17:47,897
♪ And nobody else but you
347
00:17:47,964 --> 00:17:50,800
♪ I wanna be kissed by you
348
00:17:50,867 --> 00:17:52,068
♪ Alone
349
00:17:53,837 --> 00:17:56,872
♪ I couldn't aspire
350
00:17:56,940 --> 00:18:00,209
♪ To anything higher
351
00:18:00,276 --> 00:18:03,145
♪ Than your desire
352
00:18:03,213 --> 00:18:06,182
♪ To make you my own
353
00:18:06,249 --> 00:18:09,284
♪ Ba-bop-bee-daboop-boop-dee-doo
354
00:18:09,352 --> 00:18:12,021
♪ I wanna be loved by you
355
00:18:12,089 --> 00:18:13,255
♪ Just you
356
00:18:13,323 --> 00:18:16,491
♪ And nobody else but you
357
00:18:16,559 --> 00:18:19,428
♪ I wanna be loved by you
358
00:18:19,495 --> 00:18:20,495
♪ Alone
359
00:18:20,563 --> 00:18:22,732
♪ Boop-boop-a-doop!
360
00:18:22,799 --> 00:18:24,967
Hi, handsome.What's your name?
361
00:18:25,035 --> 00:18:27,603
His name's Don,
and he just had hip surgery.
362
00:18:32,709 --> 00:18:36,612
Well, hello, big boy.
363
00:18:36,679 --> 00:18:40,482
Is that a gun in your pocketor
are you justhappy to see me?
364
00:18:45,521 --> 00:18:46,521
(YELLS)
365
00:18:46,589 --> 00:18:49,524
♪ I wanna be loved by you
366
00:18:49,592 --> 00:18:53,896
♪ Just you and nobodyelse but you
367
00:18:53,964 --> 00:18:56,966
♪ I wanna be loved by you
368
00:19:00,937 --> 00:19:02,638
(SCREAMING)
369
00:19:11,614 --> 00:19:13,149
(ALL CHATTERING)
370
00:19:32,468 --> 00:19:36,071
Two Jews, an Arab,and a
priestwalk into a bar...
371
00:19:40,177 --> 00:19:42,945
I don't understand
what you're so upset about.
372
00:19:43,013 --> 00:19:45,781
The Rusty Anchor is my place, damn it.
Not yours.
373
00:19:45,849 --> 00:19:48,450
Blanche, you were the one who
begged me to come down here.
374
00:19:48,518 --> 00:19:50,786
You were the one
who told me to get a life.
375
00:19:50,854 --> 00:19:52,587
Well, I didn't mean mine!
376
00:19:54,090 --> 00:19:55,825
I didn't know
you were gonna come in here
377
00:19:55,892 --> 00:19:57,726
and just take
my place away from me.
378
00:19:57,794 --> 00:20:00,629
I would never do
that to you, Dorothy.
379
00:20:00,697 --> 00:20:03,565
Do you see me going down
to sing at the library?
380
00:20:03,633 --> 00:20:06,068
Well, do you?
381
00:20:06,136 --> 00:20:09,771
Blanche, I'm...
I'm sorry. I had no idea.
382
00:20:10,874 --> 00:20:12,474
All right, the truth is,
383
00:20:15,445 --> 00:20:17,546
I'm jealous of you.
384
00:20:17,613 --> 00:20:20,049
Oh, God, that leaves
a bad taste in my mouth.
385
00:20:21,784 --> 00:20:23,752
Blanche,
what are you talking about?
386
00:20:23,820 --> 00:20:26,322
Dorothy, the one thing in my life
I've always been assured of is
387
00:20:26,389 --> 00:20:27,890
being the center of attention.
388
00:20:27,958 --> 00:20:29,892
Oh, I knew I never had
to worry about competing
389
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,694
with any other woman
'cause I'd always win.
390
00:20:32,762 --> 00:20:36,332
But when I saw you
sing the other night,
391
00:20:36,399 --> 00:20:38,467
I realized why all those men
392
00:20:38,534 --> 00:20:42,004
were practically fallin' all
over themselves to get to you.
393
00:20:43,039 --> 00:20:45,741
Because, Dorothy,
when you sing,
394
00:20:45,808 --> 00:20:48,577
you light up the room.
You do.
395
00:20:48,644 --> 00:20:51,213
You positively glow.
You're just...
396
00:20:51,281 --> 00:20:52,447
You're beautiful.
397
00:20:52,515 --> 00:20:55,784
Oh, Blanche,
you don't have to say that.
398
00:20:55,852 --> 00:20:57,987
Well, believe me,
I don't like sayin' it.
399
00:20:59,389 --> 00:21:00,622
But it's true.
400
00:21:00,690 --> 00:21:03,759
You can attract men
in a way I can't
401
00:21:03,826 --> 00:21:05,928
and I'm jealous of you.
402
00:21:05,996 --> 00:21:07,696
Blanche Devereaux,
403
00:21:07,764 --> 00:21:11,367
that is the nicest thing
that you have ever said to me.
404
00:21:11,434 --> 00:21:13,969
It is?
Absolutely.
405
00:21:14,037 --> 00:21:16,738
Yeah, you're probably right.
406
00:21:16,806 --> 00:21:20,142
Most of the time when I compliment
you, I'm not being sincere.
407
00:21:20,210 --> 00:21:23,578
But I really meant
that last one, I swear.
408
00:21:23,646 --> 00:21:25,881
Look, Blanche, the Rusty Anchor
409
00:21:25,949 --> 00:21:28,183
is not worth risking
our friendship over.
410
00:21:28,251 --> 00:21:30,319
If you want me to stop
coming here, just say so.
411
00:21:30,387 --> 00:21:32,187
I want you to stop comin' here.
412
00:21:33,290 --> 00:21:34,623
Like hell I will.
413
00:21:35,758 --> 00:21:37,226
Then what are we gonna do?
414
00:21:38,228 --> 00:21:39,795
Why don't we share?
415
00:21:39,862 --> 00:21:43,665
Let's just be sure that we both
don't show up on the same night.
416
00:21:43,733 --> 00:21:46,535
You mean, like I would come three
nights a week, and you come three?
417
00:21:46,602 --> 00:21:49,405
Right. Oh, wait a minute.
What about Sunday?
418
00:21:49,472 --> 00:21:51,640
Oh, you don't wanna come
on a Sunday, Dorothy.
419
00:21:51,707 --> 00:21:53,608
The men have been watching
football all day long.
420
00:21:53,676 --> 00:21:54,843
They're drunk and rowdy...
421
00:21:54,911 --> 00:21:56,378
Yeah, you want Sundays,
don't you?
422
00:21:56,446 --> 00:21:57,579
Please.
423
00:21:59,782 --> 00:22:01,283
It's a deal.
424
00:22:01,351 --> 00:22:03,852
Oh, Dorothy.
425
00:22:09,993 --> 00:22:12,794
Dorothy,
are you ever jealous of me?
426
00:22:14,164 --> 00:22:15,965
Every day of my life.
427
00:22:17,567 --> 00:22:21,837
Blanche, why don't we go
out there and do a duet?
428
00:22:21,904 --> 00:22:23,439
Do you know Cry Me A River?
429
00:22:23,506 --> 00:22:25,574
Uh, no, I don't.
430
00:22:25,641 --> 00:22:27,109
Good. We'll do that one.
431
00:22:35,485 --> 00:22:37,385
♪ I saw her at the seashore
432
00:22:37,453 --> 00:22:39,320
♪ With a great big pan
433
00:22:39,388 --> 00:22:42,657
♪ Well, there was Hannah pouring
water on a drowning man
434
00:22:42,725 --> 00:22:44,759
♪ She's hard-hearted Hannah
435
00:22:44,827 --> 00:22:49,030
♪ The vamp of Savannah, GA
436
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:52,667
(ALL APPLAUDING)
32266
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