Original subtitles

M�NAGE (EVENING DRESS)

Good. Okay. Your attention...

Please. Ready?

One, two, three.

Idiot, stupid asshole, you're really no better than a turd.

God damn it! What did I do to deserve such a blockhead?

Yeah, but I love you.

I know. You won't stop saying it. Change your tune.

Give me some good news instead of always talking about your love.

What I would like to do is to take a bath.

A bath, in a bathtub.

Do you know what a bathtub is? Something hollow with faucets.

And when you turn the faucets, something runs out.

Hot water.

And there's something else I'd like to do.

Change underwear at least once in my life.

I'm sick of looking like a mop.

I find you very beautiful.

Shut up.

You bore me to death, always finding me beautiful.

It's as if the more I stink, the more you love me.

The shittier it is, the more romantic you become.

I bet all you want right now is to ask me to dance.

It's true. I'd like to.

Poor bastard!

What's blinding you?

We're drowning, and you don't even see it.

We're croaking with our mouths open.

And what does he think about, dancing?

Idiot.

You don't really think I'd dance with a guy like you?

You're nothing. You don't even exist.

All you can do is devour me with your Cocker Spaniel eyes.

You wouldn't even think of trying to get us out of this mess.

You've got no guts, no balls.

I'm sick of carrying you around like a bad luck charm.

Is that all? Are you done?

Are you sure you haven't forgotten anything?

I don't want to end up homeless sitting on a subway vent

with a bottle of cheap liquor to keep me warm!

And you'd still manage to tell me that I'm beautiful!

You need to leave, Antoine. You're useless.

I'd prefer to go at it alone. Get the hell out of here.

I don't need a worthless moron hanging on to me.

You're bad luck! You're depressing! Finish your lemonade and scram!

Shut up, or I'll slap you again!

Ten thousand. Is that enough?

How much to get you to shut your trap?

Who is this guy? Where does he come from?

Do you know who this girl is that you just slapped?

I don't want to know her. She's a loudmouth.

She's my wife. She can talk to me as she sees fit.

She is sacred.

That knife has never been used.

We can inaugurate it now.

Don't move. I'll make it easy for you.

I don't want a crook's blood on my clothes.

Aim under the flotation line. Otherwise, the boat won't sink.

Go ahead. The crew is drunk.

It's a souvenir from prison.

Have you ever been to prison?

Come on, put away your pocket knife and sit down!

Don't act like a spoiled child. My name's Bob.

I have one principle in life,

and that's that a man should be respected.

Look at her. She stopped bitching.

She got slapped, that calmed her down.

What's your name? Denise? Odile? Monique?

Monique.

I knew it, not even capable of having an interesting name.

You shouldn't let her walk all over you, old man.

Especially since a face like yours isn't common.

You're a billion times better than she is.

What's your name?

Antoine.

What a pleasure. It's very pretty, Antoine.

It smells like fresh sawdust.

And what do you do in life? Are you a mechanic?

No.

- Unemployed? - No.

- Thief? - No.

You're nothing, then.

You can't live like this. You need to spread your wings.

Is your old lady not letting you take off?

Here, to start off, I'll give you ten thousand, as well.

It will seal our friendship. Take it.

With me, there are never any money woes.

When I have dough, my friends do, too.

Don't make that face, wifey. Don't be jealous.

Here, I'll give you a little extra, too,

so that you can buy yourself some silk panties.

Look at her.

In five minutes, she'll start crying. The emotion is overwhelming her.

And may I ask how you do it?

Do what?

To have so much money, for one.

I have lots of pockets.

You have to take money where it is, silly boy.

It's everywhere. It flows in the gutters.

All you have to do is bend down.

Is it too tiring for you to bend down? Is your lower back too weak?

- Where are we going? - Stop asking where we're going.

He won't stop asking where we're going.

- What's wrong with him? - He's scared.

You should be asking where you are.

- Why? Where am I? - That's what I'm asking you.

So, look around and tell me where you are.

On a street.

What kind of street?

It's a street. I don't see what's so special about it.

Is it calm or bustling?

Calm.

And the neighborhood, is it slummy or residential?

Residential.

Can you smell the money?

- What money? - Your money.

Which will soon be lining your pockets.

Come, we'll start with that big white house over there.

You see the big white house.

Watch out! I don't like dirty tricks.

Right now I'm light on dough, but one day that might change.

I could become tired of playing the fool.

What kind of idiot is this?

I don't know. He won't leave me alone.

What are we going to do in this house?

- Burglarize it! - And why this one especially?

Want the one across the street?

No, I didn't say that.

I don't care. They're all full of money.

- What if we run into some people? - What people?

People who live in their house. It could happen.

This isn't a holiday weekend.

Listen to me, man. You're starting to piss me off.

I'm a burglar, and I know my stuff. So if you're chickening out...

- I'm not chickening out. - Then, come over here.

I've also known fear. The first time, I soiled my pants.

- Do you have a gun? - No, I don't have a gun!

- Do you have a crowbar? - No, I don't have a crowbar!

We don't need a crowbar!

A lock needs to be wet, like all orifices.

You start it off with saliva and wait until it opens up.

It smells like tax fraud.

How can you tell?

By the thickness of the carpet.

Can you imagine if we had a house like this?

You're totally insane!

You don't like light?

- And what if some cops drive by? - Leave the cops be.

The less we care about them, the better we are.

What the hell are you doing? Are you nuts?

I'm going to take a bath.

You should do the same.

Are we here to burglarize or to pamper ourselves?

Why not steal some cleanliness and elegance, while you're at it?

Look how you're dressed. You look like an escaped convict.

See? Now you have more style.

I told you this little jacket would suit you.

Try this on, while you're at it.

Are you kidding?

Of course not. Try it on. Just to see what it looks like.

No one's looking at us.

Fur has to caress the cheek.

Hey, do you happen to be queer?

I have a lot of projects for you.

Monique!

Monique, we have to leave. He's queer.

What did you say?

We're here with a queer. He's gay.

Quick, get dressed.

What is he talking about?

I told you it smelled like tax fraud.

Look at this dough.

You look cute in your little teddy.

You're quite hot.

Come here and let me smell you.

She smells good.

This might change everything.

This guy can't be queer. It's impossible.

Who says that I am?

I bet if I rub myself against him, he'll get a hard on.

Monique!

Wait.

Don't move. I can feel him getting hard.

Okay, that's enough.

If all homosexuals were like him, there'd be less unhappy women.

Are you going to verify by hand?

Let it go. I made a mistake, that's all.

Being wrong can happen.

Here, take your money.

- Are we going to split it? - No, I don't want it.

Take it. It's all for you.

- Why? - Because.

Because...

How did you know to go into that house?

The nose, my friend, the nose.

I have a big nose, so I can sniff it out twice as well as others.

In fact, stop moving.

- Can you smell the gold bars? - What gold bars?

There are gold bars around here. I can smell them.

Gold bars don't smell like anything.

They pulse, they beat like the heart of a prisoner.

In my opinion, it's in that house.

It's trying to seem inconspicuous, but I noticed it.

We're not going to do this again. It's enough for tonight.

A house in the night is like a woman in bed.

It moves with abandon, it moans.

And when there's moaning, I penetrate.

Now, here's true France.

- How are you going to open it? - I'm not going to open it.

People who have gold bars

aren't stupid enough to leave them in their safe.

I would rather say the attic.

And who says attic says wicker chest.

They've been here since the war.

My God!

This isn't possible.

You've staked out the houses, or someone tipped you off.

Don't tell me it's your nose! It's not a metal detector!

It's called the state of grace.

You're alone and sad, and, suddenly, you meet a friend.

And it's as though the clouds are torn apart.

There's sunlight. It shines.

Everything we touch turns to gold.

Okay, I see. It's very pretty. In any case, I'm leaving.

You're freaking me out with your tricks.

Here, take your money back.

Come on, Monique, we're going home.

You call that home?

It's better than prison.

We're not going to part like night watchmen?

I'm staying with him.

I don't want to dive back into the shit.

Will you have me? I won't be a nag.

It's always been my dream to share a thief's life.

But don't you see he's miserable?

Look at his eyes.

He's your man.

And he's my friend.

I don't steal my friends' wives.

You can have her. I'm leaving her to you.

But I don't want her. I can already tell she'd never let go.

Come on, let me go.

Let me go!

- Where are you going? - I'm going to find Bob.

And how will you find him? It's too late.

You shouldn't have let him go. You let everything go.

You have to learn how to reach out to grab things.

Why are you trying to escape your destiny, Antoine?

Your destiny is me. Your future is all laid out.

We meet, you follow me.

We let ourselves be swept up by the whirlwind.

And when it stops...

What happens when it stops?

Gun, prison...

It depends.

What are you two homos plotting?

Did you know you look appetizing when suddenly awakened?

In the middle of the night.

Is it to awaken me that you've come?

No.

Honestly, no.

So, why?

I felt as though you were in danger.

Something told me not to leave you alone.

Does it smell like burning?

No.

Do you have an electric heater in your trailer?

No.

So, it's a cigarette that was not put out.

Nothing's burning! What are you talking about?

One of you will pay for this!

Watch out for the propane!

Watch out for the propane!

- And where will we sleep now? - Nowhere!

The life of a burglar is nothing but a long series of wanderings,

bullets, and vandalized homes!

Where did these assholes hide their money?

Stay calm. It can't always be easy.

So, where did you hide your savings?

I don't have any savings.

So why do you have a gun?

To reassure my wife.

- Is she worried? - Well, yeah.

For some time, she's been rather nervous.

She keeps getting migraines.

- And her sleep, how is it? - Bad, very bad.

- We'll try to do this discreetly. - If that's possible, I'd prefer it.

- What's this blue light? - What blue light?

I'd like to point out that there's a cop van parked in front.

Of course there is. You're so afraid that you must have attracted them.

Stop moving, God damn it.

You're the one moving. You've been galloping forever.

Come over here, honey. Come see what I've prepared for you.

Is she talking to me?

She's your wife, my good man. She wants her piece of the cake.

But I'm doing you.

Let yourself go. I'll move you over.

I don't agree. I don't agree at all.

Personally, I say yes. I totally say yes.

I'm stimulating you. It's the woman with two heads.

I say it's good. It's getting even better.

Maybe you can also tell us where your savings are stashed.

Ugly picture, no?

Get out of there!

I may be and idiot, but I'm not stupid!

She was about to tell me where her money was!

Bravo!

Who are these guys?

We're burglars.

Where's your money? We've been looking for an hour.

My money isn't for your ugly face.

Bravo.

I forbid you to touch my wife.

You touched mine.

Yours is a slut.

Bravo.

Stop saying "bravo," or I'll slap you, too.

Okay, go ahead. Hit me in the face. Go ahead, right here.

Good. One more. It will calm your nerves.

Bravo.

- That one was one too many. - Be careful. He's got a gun.

Who does?

Me! I've got a gun! And I'm pointing my gun at you!

Wait a minute so I can put on my panties!

You don't need underwear! There are no flies in the winter!

See, with your stupidity, we almost got nabbed.

A guy with a nose should be able to avoid the owners!

Especially when they're armed.

It's your fault. You shouldn't excite me.

How is it my fault? What an ass.

You excite me, so I make mistakes.

What do you mean I excite you?

Your presence excites me. Your odor excites me.

To feel you behind me in the dark makes me lose control.

When you're in front, it's even worse.

Don't you find this guy a bit weird?

What do you mean?

Don't you get the feeling he wants to butt-fuck me?

That's possible.

That's all you have to say?

How does it feel to be a prey?

Would you mind taking your hand off my zipper while I eat?

- Why? - Because it bothers me.

The first time, it's always bothersome.

You have to be patient for it to become pleasure.

I told you to take your hand off my fly!

He's not friendly at all.

I'm very friendly, but I'm not queer! There's a difference!

No one asked you to be queer.

Did someone ask him to be queer?

No, I don't think so.

Come on, sit down, old man. Don't be nervous.

And just finish your foie gras. It's stolen foie gras.

Great. Now he's sulking.

Another ruined evening.

I'd like to point out that you were getting hard.

When?

Earlier, when I placed my hand on your fly.

I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I'm pretty sure I felt stiffness.

You must have felt my knife.

No, I don't agree. Your knife is cold, and what I felt was hot.

Hot, like a Jesus coming out of the oven.

Stop laughing. He'll think we're making fun of him.

It's true, I'm not lying. Look at his eyes.

He's capable of leaving us. You won't leave us, will you?

Huh, Antoine?

We would miss you.

Especially this poor Monique.

Imagine her sadness if you disappeared from her life.

Right, Monique? You would be sad?

Go ahead and laugh.

But, of course, we're laughing.

You look so constipated, you're asking to be teased.

Tease.

Laugh.

Eh.

Because right then you were teasing me?

What do you think?

Your hand on my fly... That was a joke?

And I'm yanking your chain! And I'm yanking your chain!

My poor friend, if I were really gay, I would've already done you.

Think about it, a guy my size.

I'd put you between two doors, and bam, there's the chocolate!

The softening of guts, the enchanted turbine,

the spring roll, the blood sausage!

Should I serve you a glass of wine aged in oak?

It rhymes with red hot poke.

And with joke, too.

Pardon me, but I have my doubts.

I might be an idiot, but I have my doubts.

For an idiot, you're quite the idiot.

You might have a pretty face, but you didn't invent the rubber band.

Forget my pretty face!

I know I don't have one.

It's not easy every day to not have one.

Look at yourself through my eyes. You'll find yourself sublime.

Since I've known you, I've never seen you with a woman.

What would you want me to do with a woman?

Women are too easy.

They're like houses. They want to give themselves.

I like a bit of resistance. You, for example.

- There are women that resist. - Because they're ugly.

- Beauties, too, sometimes. - No!

Yes, in fact, it's the most widespread case.

Stop arguing with me, please!

Ugliness resists. Beauty gives itself away or is taken.

Well, I'm defending myself.

I'll wear you down.

Old queen.

Calm down, boys. Calm down.

Do you know what happens when you open your mouth?

It smells like a urinal!

Don't be so stupidly nasty, Antoine.

Bob is our friend, a wonderful friend.

You're going to end up hurting him.

Let it go, darling, let it go.

It's okay.

I'm not going to get butt-fucked just because he's a friend.

- Do you have other friends? - No!

Well, neither do I.

Our only friend is Bob.

He transformed our lives with a wave of his magic wand.

You're not going to throw it all away because of misplaced touchiness.

But my touchiness is perfectly well-placed.

We're talking about my asshole!

And I don't want my asshole to be transformed into a subway tunnel.

- Shut up. - What is it?

The owners, I'm afraid.

Never again will I go to the theater.

Not the theater, nor anywhere else.

What about life?

What does life consist of for you?

What life are you talking about exactly?

Drink a glass with us. It will lift your spirits.

In your cellar, we found an old bottle of Pommard. It's like sunshine.

And so, did you steel many things from us?

The usual.

Jewelry, furs, cash.

Nothing really upsetting.

The poor fools. They risk their freedom to steal away our ennui.

We have a good time though, Madam. You shouldn't think otherwise.

You're lucky.

Because we're fucking bored.

But you have such a lovely house.

Empty, soulless.

A piano without music.

Abstract paintings that chill one's bones.

And all this, for what happiness?

For what smile?

Well, we won't stay here much longer.

Why not stay the night?

We have many guest rooms, and they're always empty.

Maybe next time.

Tonight's no good. We still have many homes to visit.

Don't you trust us?

It's not a question of trust.

You think we'll call the cops?

People like you, I doubt it.

I had a gun in my pocket.

And you're all so nice that the idea to use it didn't even cross my mind.

You're also quite nice.

Put away your gun, and you'll seem even nicer.

I have an offer for you.

My wife is going to put on her black negligee,

and we'll have a nice little party.

What kind of party?

An orgy.

Boy, girl, all mixed together.

Are you tempted?

It's just that...

It's just that you don't have a choice.

Because I'm holding you at gunpoint.

We'll return what we've stolen from you.

We ate and drank well. That's good enough.

I want to see you fuck my wife.

One from the front and one from behind.

Meanwhile, I'll fuck you up the ass.

What about me? Should I knit?

- Do you think I killed him? - No, you didn't kill him.

- He wasn't moving anymore. - So what? Who cares?

One has to start eventually.

Where is he going?

Where is he going?

He's moving, so what do you care?

Have you ever killed someone?

There's always a time where you need to kill someone. Always.

And you'll come back, like he came back for his friends.

For example, right now, if I caressed your ass,

you're so nervous, you'd be liable to kill me.

Stop your shit, Bob, please.

Get an erection again, like you did earlier.

I forbid you to touch me! You hear?

I forbid you to touch me!

Well, well, well.

If I were this difficult every time someone wanted to fuck me...

Shut up.

When I think of all the guys I fucked just so the mood wouldn't be ruined.

Shut up.

What do you mean, "shut up"? Since when do you tell me to shut up?

Since this morning, I say shut up and you shut your trap.

I don't want to know your past. We know your past.

A collection of dicks and that's all.

Well, now, it's your turn to be fucked with a big one that will fill you up.

Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't feel like it.

You should do like me and force yourself.

Once it's inside, the hardest part is done.

Don't be vulgar, Monique, please.

First of all, for a woman, it's not the same.

What do you mean it's not the same?

Shit, we're penetrated, my boy, like you.

We're worked over, drilled, it will pound deep inside,

we take it all in for nothing in return.

To top it off, we have to moan and twist around in the sheets.

I'm not even talking about the foreplay.

Asshole!

You'll go through with it, too. You need to know how it feels.

Did you always force yourself?

Almost always.

Even with me?

No.

With you, it's okay.

Because I love you.

Really?

Well, yeah.

Then listen to me. We've just met a wonderful guy.

Because of this wonderful guy,

I got some of my woman's dignity back.

I eat until satiated, I sleep in clean sheets.

When I look at myself in a mirror, I want to smile.

There's sunshine in my head.

So, since you love me, figure out how to make it last.

Even if it hurts a bit, I'll always be there to comfort you.

You like it when I comfort you?

Yes.

You like that I smell of perfume instead of leek soup?

Yes.

You like that I walk around in a 200-dollar teddy?

With the spaghetti strap falling off my shoulder?

Yes.

And my new panties?

How do you like my new panties?

It's good.

What is it?

Bob greets you hello.

- Did you sleep well? - Very well.

Did you fuck well?

Very well.

Did you fuck savagely or did you fuck slowly?

We fucked affectionately. We fucked lazily.

It's the best technique.

I like the slow waltz.

I started doggie style. Then she sucked my dick.

Then we finished off simply, in the missionary position.

With the crescendo?

With the crescendo.

You didn't hear us scream?

Alas, no.

I've been plugging my ears since we've become friends.

You know what you're missing?

A nice tattoo.

I don't like tattoos.

Really?

I can imagine a rose there.

Something very simple.

Your heart's beating quickly.

- Where are you going? - To the hairdresser.

You went yesterday.

Yeah, well, now I go every day.

We'll stay together, just the two of us.

We'll hang around.

Does it bother you to stay alone with Bob?

No.

We'll gossip.

You'll see, with me, you won't notice the time go by.

It's like riding in the Pampas.

Why aren't you looking at me when I talk to you?

I'm looking at Monique.

What is that one doing behind my back now?

She's putting on her tights.

Aren't you almost done?

Are you doing it on purpose to make us lose our focus?

Let her get dressed! You're too much!

What's incredible is that she's exhibiting herself

when there's a bathroom with a door that closes!

See, I only had to raise my voice a bit.

Your problem is that you're too soft.

Every now and then you have a violent impulse.

But right away you suppress it.

You're a soft kind of guy.

That's why she's taunting you.

I like to look at her legs.

A woman getting dressed is even more beautiful than when undressing.

And you should be careful with soft guys.

There are soft guys that explode in your face.

It's been seen before.

I tell you this because you're supposed to be a friend.

Stop punching your destiny, Antoine.

Your destiny is rock solid.

You're only going to hurt your knuckles.

I'm only passing through.

Now that we've gotten rid of the superfluous,

we can get down to business.

I have a multi-dimensional tattoo. A tattoo that unfolds.

When it's asleep, it's a grenade. When it's awake, it's a torpedo.

Would you be interested in seeing it?

Do you think you're still in your cell?

We're all in a cell, my friend. You, me, everybody. Life is a prison.

And the most terrible of all,

because to escape, one has to snuff it.

Don't joke about these kinds of things.

I'm going to butt-fuck you.

I'll butt-fuck you, and you'll come.

Your ass won't stop feeling the pleasure.

And no need to shout for help. When you're free, there are no guards.

No one will come.

You're alone with your shame.

And me? Your shame? I'll transform it into happiness.

I'll turn it into a bouquet of flowers.

You speak well when you want to.

Your mouth inspires me.

Your mouth and your heart. I'm going to steal your heart.

Your heart and everything else.

I'm going to penetrate and steal it all.

Beware, I'm full of traps.

The first one who touches me steps on a mine.

I think you're vulnerable.

There's something in your eyes that looks like you're wavering.

Have you ever wanted to snuggle?

Against what?

Something robust, like a pillar.

Fall asleep sheltered, completely reassured.

And Monique?

What Monique?

Where do you see a Monique?

For now, I don't see a Monique.

All I see are two guys.

Bob and Antoine. Wonderfully made for one another.

Like the sky and the sea.

Monique is but a seagull.

You remove the seagull, the tableau remains the same.

The sky and the sea remain.

And the two of us lying on the beach.

With your wet skin.

Grains of sand that glitter.

Continue, continue talking to me. I love the coastal scenery.

Does it happen near a lighthouse? With freighters returning to port?

I ask for your forgiveness. I didn't want to hurt you.

I let myself be surprised by an ancient pain.

You can blame this on prison.

Prison isn't fun, you know. Especially when you're 20.

What are you doing here?

I'm waiting for you.

For what?

Guess.

I don't know.

Not the slightest idea?

No, no idea.

Sorry, but no idea.

Take me with you.

Where?

Away from the losers.

You're really a bitch.

An integral bitch.

Which is why we'll get along, you and I.

Two bitches like us should be able to achieve wonders.

I don't think you have the kind of face to achieve wonders.

You don't think so?

If I were you, I'd wait before spitting in the soup.

Women aren't bad. They don't have balls, but they're not bad.

Balls aren't what interest me.

For me, yes. Balls and shoulders.

Real shoulders that can defy hard times.

I'm in love, Monique.

I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm in love.

With Antoine?

I love this guy.

I don't know why, but I adore him.

- Have you tried to tell him? - He doesn't care.

All that interests him are your garters!

I am but a brute to him. What can I offer him?

Nothing.

Sweat.

Poor Bob.

Life is not well-dealt.

Forget your pity, please. I don't need pity.

Would it bother you if I sat on your lap?

At this point...

What did women do to you?

Unfair competition! Look at you. You are made for love.

I can grab you any which way, there's nothing to throw out.

How can I fight that? I'm just a bag of meat.

What are you two doing exactly?

Nothing.

We're talking.

Why?

You wanted to see me?

Are you trying to screw me over, by any chance?

How so?

Pretending to be queer to better fuck my wife, for example.

You're handsome when you worry.

Take your hands off her thighs. You've always got a hand on a thigh.

Would you like me to give you my seat?

You're not conspiring together, are you?

We're not conspiring together. We're friends.

- We're allowed to be friends. - I was sad. I needed affection.

I also need affection.

When we want to give you some, you close up.

Like a clam.

Don't you see he loves you?

You can't see in his eyes how unhappy he is?

How long are you going to lead him on like this?

Are you waiting for him to become sick?

I'm not pretending.

Antoine, I swear, look at my hands. They're trembling.

- Where are you going? - To get some fresh air.

Is this the first time you fuck a woman?

Of course it's not the first time. I've had tons.

So what made you change your ways?

Boredom.

Are you bored right now?

I don't feel captivated.

How much do you want to bet that in five minutes

you'll be saying sweet nothings?

Try all you want. I doubt it, though.

Because now you love women?

Is it not permitted to love women?

- No, but I'm a man. - Really?

Yes, so you need to figure out what's your orientation.

Orienting, orienting. I'm actually disoriented.

You're not disoriented?

You make me want to puke.

Stop polishing me! Stop polishing! Your man is staring at us!

If you intend to fuck both of us, know that I don't agree with that.

You'll have to choose!

Continue to fuck me. Slammed doors turn me on.

Listen, children, this is impossible.

There has to be a way to dispel this feeling of misunderstanding,

which is oppressive for all involved.

What misunderstanding?

Things are very clear.

For example, right now I'm sleepy. So, what do I do?

I get up, I get my coat, and I leave the two of you alone.

We'll go burglarize as a couple.

- I don't agree with this. - Of course you do. You know you do.

I don't see why, when my life has always revolved around a woman,

all of a sudden...

Take off your shoes, instead of always talking about psychology.

Psychology bores me.

First of all, why do I need to take off my shoes?

Certain houses need to be visited barefoot.

It's one of the rules.

What rules?

A robbery on marble is not the same thing as on carpet.

It's a question of harmony.

So, if harmony is too complicated for you, let me know and we'll split up.

You can burglarize alone.

No need for you to get upset.

I am upset!

And if I feel like being upset, I have my reasons.

Do you want to know my reasons for being upset?

I would like you to calm down.

I'll be calm when the surface of the planet will be clean.

The day children will be able to breathe pure air.

Do you know what pure air is?

No.

Butterflies, flowers, the gurgling of a stream.

A young woman with whom you're madly in love

lying under a willow tree.

She's chewing on a piece of hay.

The mother-of-pearl buttons of her white dress.

We're too afraid to touch her.

Stop it, Bob.

Can you hear her breathing?

It's like the wind through wheat fields.

Why are you talking to me about wheat?

I'm telling you about what I love. I'm telling you about what I've lost.

I'm telling you about what was stolen from me.

I'll give you back your dreams.

Someone just came in.

A burglar, maybe?

It's no time for jokes.

Lie down. I'll go take a look.

With me, you've got nothing to worry about.

So touching with his inexperience.

Alternating between abrupt gestures and childlike abandonment.

With certain moments of timidity that leave him trembling,

blushing, on the verge of tears.

I'll take it, I'll take it.

Contrary to appearances, I'm a nice boy.

Sensitive and delicate.

I hate violence.

Where is Bob?

I came here with a friend named Bob.

He sold you.

I gave him lots of money to have the pleasure

of spending the night with you.

Bob!

There's no point in calling for him. He's already left.

Let's talk about the two of us.

Is there anything that would please you?

Are you hungry? Thirsty?

Bob, you asshole!

You should choose your friends better.

You see, for example, I could be a great friend for you.

Very attentive, tender gestures.

Bob, God damn it, Bob!

A change of environment would do you some good.

Go to the opera, art galleries...

You don't like paintings?

Sure.

However, your mouth and saliva, I'm not sure I can stand.

Am I that repulsive?

No, that's not what I meant. You see...

Sleeping with a friend took a lot out of me, so with a stranger...

I hope I'm not being hurtful.

Here.

Take my gun.

No. Why should I?

Take it, I tell you!

You'll feel freer.

I don't like guns.

And a hand on your junk? Do you like that?

Don't damage him, you idiot. He's the one protecting us.

Look in what kind of state you put him.

Can't take you anywhere. You have no manners.

What will I look like now?

A man to whom I owe everything.

Not to mention, because of your bullshit,

I'll have to return his money now.

We really came out ahead this time. Bravo, bravo.

You're lucky you have a nice little ass.

I can tell you, you can thank your parents.

They're dead, my parents.

Condolences. Mine will be dead soon.

Two pitiful booze hounds.

But, seriously, are you trying to soften me up or what?

I'm already soft. They tenderized me for 10 years.

- Why did you sell me? - I'm a crook!

A crook betrays. There is no nobility with crooks.

A crook is rotten. And a crook's parents die of sadness.

You're not coming?

No, Bob, that's enough for tonight. Good night.

You're not going to go sleep with her?

- Yes. - But why?

Because.

You've decided to make me suffer some more?

I need to think. I need to clear things up.

But it's as clear as day to me. You clearly went to the other side.

I want to see Monique. I want to touch her, smell her scent.

But you know she's a bitch.

So what? I'm surrounded by bitches.

The man in your bed just got butt-fucked, my little girl.

There.

After this, we can say life is beautiful.

It's not really a big deal to be fucked up the ass.

What would be troubling is acquiring a taste for it.

Yep.

Are you acquiring a taste for it?

Yep.

I don't know. Fuck. Do something. Don't leave me like this.

Can't you tell I'm screaming for help?

Calm down, my darling.

The two of us, it's solid, you know that.

Look at me.

What effect do I have on you when I look like this?

I don't know anymore, my poor Monique.

That's what's terrible. I don't know anymore.

I was shaking, waiting for you.

I feel nothing for her anymore.

That's normal, my boy, that's normal.

Come lie next to me. I'll warm you up.

She's becoming more and more beautiful.

I can tell that she's beautiful.

She's beautiful, but the chemistry's gone.

The electricity passes through me now.

Can you feel the sparks?

I want to go to the seaside.

With me?

Yes, with you.

Take me to the seaside.

It's true you can be beautiful when you want to.

Yes, I've been told.

My mother would tell me so when I was a little girl.

"You will be a beautiful plant," she would say.

"You'll have all the men at your feet."

Did you get along with your mother?

All girls do with their mothers.

Does it depress you to speak of your mother?

No, not at all.

Then why are your eyes twinkling all of a sudden?

My eyes are twinkling?

Look, Antoine, she looks like she's about to start crying.

I want to live normally.

I want to have kids.

It might not be too late.

I want to have a house.

What kind of house would you like?

Something modest.

A small apartment where I could take care of things.

Why are you sulking?

- I'm not sulking. - Yes, you are.

- You didn't have a good day? - Yeah.

So smile, then.

You look like an old hen.

Can you smell the delicious scent of beef stew?

You've got time to pour yourself a drink. It's not quite ready.

What do you mean it's not quite ready?

You said 8:00 o'clock. We came home at 8:00 o'clock.

We already had our drink ages ago.

What have you been doing?

I shampooed my hair.

She shampoos her hair now?

You should make up your mind

whether you're taking care of us or yourself.

It will be ready in five minutes.

It will be too late! In five minutes, we'll be at a restaurant!

Come on, Antoine, come!

You're not going to leave me alone.

Yes, that's all you deserve! 8:00 o'clock is 8:00 o'clock!

I don't like being made a fool!

Did you finish the ironing?

It's on the dresser.

Why isn't it in the closet?

I haven't had the time to put it away.

I see, you're worthless, then! Look at this!

Look at this, shirts that will smell like cabbage.

And I've already told you not to flatten the collars.

We're going to get them dry-cleaned if it goes on like this.

You didn't change the water in the vase?

I forgot.

I give flowers to Antoine and you let them die?

What have you been doing since noon?

I cleaned the toilets, I scrubbed the bathtub,

I did the major housework!

No need to get upset like that, my darling.

Look at Antoine's eyes. He's going to be sad again.

I don't call this major cleaning. I call this hiding dust!

Can't I join you?

What is she saying?

Can't I join you?

Why?

To warm me up.

Can't you see we're busy?

Don't tense up, my boy, relax.

But she just said she was cold.

There's always something wrong with her.

Is it our happiness that you're trying to destroy?

Shit, she's a woman, not a dog! Get off me!

Stop moving around. I'm about to come.

Is your basket heavy?

Yes, it's pretty heavy.

Give it here, give it here. I'll help you.

- Come on. - Thank you.

I don't like to see a woman tire herself working like that.

- You're not from around here. - Nope.

I emcee at a nightclub on the Costa Del Sol.

In Spain?

Yeah.

A swimming pool all to myself.

Surrounded by olive trees.

Sunshine all year round.

Would that lifestyle interest you?

Here!

You can make your vegetable stew all by yourselves!

I'm going to Spain! I leave you two to your assholes!

What's wrong with her, Bob? What's wrong?

I don't know! I don't know!

Stop her, God damn it!

I can't. There's a guy.

Throw him out!

I can't! He's got a gun!

Monique!

You're going to regret this, you slut!

Thank you, Pedro.

I wish you luck.

I knew she would leave. I felt it.

Monique, my little Monique, why did you abandon me?

I'm here to comfort you.

We'll be fine, the two of us.

Will you love me at least?

Of course, I'll love you.

I'll make you a queen.

It smells good.

It smells like tarragon.

What a strange idea to add tarragon to scallops.

It's scallops with tarragon.

Not bad, in fact.

You're not eating?

No, thanks. I'm not hungry.

You ate chocolate all afternoon again?

No, I'm not hungry, that's all.

You're planning on sulking for how many years?

I'm not sulking.

Yeah, right. Just looking at you makes me want to order a coffin.

Whose fault is it?

You haven't looked at me for almost five weeks.

I look at you. What are you talking about?

No, you're ignoring me.

When you come home, you expect your meal.

When you go to bed, you read your newspaper.

When you lie down, you fall asleep like a log.

What do I become in all that?

Should I be a wallflower? Wait for the senior discount?

You never take me out to dinner or to the movies anymore.

You're hiding me. You're ashamed of me.

It's Spring, and you haven't even taken me out to see the flowers.

You're making a scene.

It's not a scene! It's a breakdown!

I'm at the end of my rope, Bob!

Where do you spend all your afternoons? In whose arms, huh?

Why are you so tired when you come home?

I abandoned everything for you, Bob. The woman I loved, all my values.

I became what you wanted: A queer, a real woman!

Soon I'll be getting cellulite!

And you treat me like I'm the lowest of the low!

Look at me when I talk to you!

Gifts.

Oh, Bob.

Bob, I couldn't.

Yes, you can. They're your size.

No, Bob, don't ask this of me.

It's only to go out.

Tonight I'm taking you dancing. Be nice and make yourself pretty.

Let me introduce Antoinette, a cousin from the country.

Congratulations, Miss.

I wish you the best, Bob. You deserve it.

Would you like me to request a slow dance?

- Would you like a slow dance? - Yes.

I love you.

It's 300 in a bedroom, and 150 in the bathroom.

What's wrong? Are you feeling ill?

What's wrong? Are you sick?

- I can get a doctor. - Leave me alone!

What have I done? What did I say?

Well, already fighting?

Don't even ask. She's on edge.

Take the opportunity to go take a piss.

Why are you saying that?

You don't feel like taking a piss?

With whom?

It's a surprise.

Go take a look.

Do you want to get tears in your eyes?

How would you go about it?

Take a look. You'll understand your pain.

You don't think you're going to leave like that?

I don't give 150 to a chick who doesn't know what she's doing.

You fucking asshole! Dickhead, shitface!

Did someone disrespect you?

It's my fault, Pedro. I didn't do my job well.

I'm sorry, Pedro. You'll see, I'll fix everything.

What did you do? You're crazy!

Monique.

Don't be afraid, my love. You'll see those olive trees again.

Monique.

My name's not Monique! It's Dolores! And tomorrow I was off to Malaga!

I'm sure he put the tickets in his pocket.

Monique!

Don't shoot. It's me.

Monique, it's me!

It's Antoine!

No!

All alone? Are you bored?

Would you like a drink?

You're all the same!

Do you feel better? Did you puke?

I want you to take me to the seaside.

What is she saying? Did you understand what she said?

She says she wants to go to the seaside.

Can't you see I'm having fun?

Do I look like I'd go to the seaside?

You're the one who spoke to me about it.

The sky, the sea, the gulls, don't you remember?

Excuse me, but I hate this kind of scene.

You know what it's like when they get clingy.

- Bob! - What is it now?

I just killed a guy, Bob! Don't leave me!

Don't leave me all alone!

I'm not leaving you, my angel.

It's just a little fling with no tomorrow.

But I just killed a man!

So what? We've all killed men! You think he hasn't killed any?

Look at his face!

You're not going to be jealous of that?

Asshole!

I'm not an asshole. I'm just trying to live before I die.

Come with us, if it makes you happy.

Do you mind if my girlfriend comes along?

She's not bothersome. She's a good kid.

Come on, come along!

Don't worry about me. Keep on fucking.

How could we fuck each other when someone's pointing a gun at us?

I'm not pointing the gun at you.

I'm just holding a gun. Don't jump to conclusions.

So, put it away.

I want to look at it. I find it beautiful, this gun.

Is it loaded?

Well, yeah, it's loaded.

She's a total moron, your girlfriend!

Did you see what she did to me?

The next one will be in your face.

Watch out, little girl.

Right now, it's funny, but it can become sinister.

Are you crazy?

I don't know this girl. She can go fuck herself.

- Say something! - Shut up.

What do you want, my darling?

Let's talk about it.

Do you want me to take you to the seaside?

Here.

Start by putting this on.

What do you mean, start by putting this on?

Put it on your head. It's a wig.

But I'll look like an idiot.

How will we get to the seaside?

- We'll steal a car. - But I don't like to steal cars.

How do you like bullets in the gut?

Okay, I'll do it.

Get out of here.

Get out of here, come on. Give me the keys.

It's my car!

It was your car! Now it's been confiscated!

- Confiscated? Are you cops? - No, we're homos!

We're tired, and we're going to the seaside!

Why did you ask me to stop here?

I don't know.

You don't want to go to the seaside anymore?

I don't know.

Do you plan on shooting me?

- I don't know. - You'd better make up your mind.

I can't take this uncertainty.

Keep your hands on the wheel, please!

My hands aren't moving, and stop yelling at me, please!

I'll yell as much as I want to! It feels good to yell!

That's all that's left in my life.

- Yelling! - Stop!

Antoine.

What?

Will you allow me to remove my wig for five minutes?

- What for? - To breathe.

There's no reason for you to breathe.

But it itches!

Well, my garters itch.

It pulls my skin. It doesn't feel good.

- And besides, I need to piss! - Stop it.

Antoine.

What now?

I don't want to die.

Did you hear what I just said?

Of course. I'm not deaf. I heard you just fine.

So why don't you say anything?

Because there's nothing to say, old man.

I'm taking note of it, that's all.

I'm bored here.

I'm bored, too! That makes two of us!

Well, shoot! What are you waiting for?

Shoot me in the head! That's what a head is for!

Is it my brain that scares you?

No, it's your soul.

What's wrong with my soul?

It's black.

Let's go get some hot chocolate, girls.

- What for? - To warm up.

To get something sweet.

I don't want anything sweet.

Chocolate never brought me luck. I find it bitter.

Aren't you cold?

Of course, I'm cold.

Aren't your feet aching?

Of course, my feet are aching.

So come drink some hot chocolate!

Some nice hot chocolate.

Why are you so clingy? Let me do my work in peace!

What work?

Since we got here, you haven't gotten one customer.

Did you? Do you fuck during closing time?

Poor slut.

We didn't choose a good spot, girls. It's not very busy around here.

There's too much wind. It's too cold.

- We need to change location. - It will all be the same.

- No, it won't be the same. - Yes, it will be the same.

It's not a problem of location. It's a problem of current events.

What current events?

The medical current events, the new diseases.

Don't you read the papers?

What papers? They write nonsense in newspapers.

How would you know? You can't read.

You don't need to know how to read to read the newspaper.

It's shit. The newspaper stinks.

It spreads bad odors in people's heads.

That's all.

You dumb blonde.

What do you mean, "dumb blonde"? Is this how you speak to me now?

I'm the godmother of your child. I hope you haven't forgotten.

I've forgotten everything. You piss me off.

You didn't forget your kid?

God damn it.

What did I do to deserve two dummies like these?

No one's stopping you from living your life. You are free.

To live one's life, one has to have the calling to live.

My calling is to die.

Think of Pascal.

I can't think of Pascal anymore.

Yes, you can. Just close your eyes. You can do it.

Close your eyes, since we're telling you to close them.

There.

Do you see anything?

Yeah, vaguely.

The schoolyard.

And how is the schoolyard?

Empty.

It's normal. It's still a bit early.

He must be putting his things in his backpack.

Which one? The red or the blue?

- It's of no importance. - I gave him the red one.

Then we'll say it's the red one!

Can you hear them running through the halls?

Yes, I can.

They seem excited this morning.

I can't hear a thing. All I hear is that damn cappuccino machine.

Watch out. Here they come.

Pascal, my Pascal.

- Why are you all alone? - But he's not alone.

Yes, he's all alone. He's not playing with anyone.

He's staying in the corner, looking abandoned by all.

Maybe he's feeling down.

He knows I'm coming to visit on Sunday.

Then maybe he's in love.

- With whom? - I don't know. A little girl.

At his age?

Last Sunday, when I left him, I was worried.

"Stay a little longer," he said. "I don't want you to leave."

And he hugged me so tightly in his little arms.

We can't take him with us.

Every time we have a customer, we'd have to hide him in the closet.

During the holidays, though, he was doing so well.

In my opinion, it's this new teacher.

Ever since he got this new teacher, he hasn't been the same.

Of course, all she thinks about is her new haircut, her new makeup.

With Mrs. Portal, there were never any problems.

Mrs. Portal was a real mother. She wasn't a whore.

If we entrust the education of our children to whores,

you can't be surprised that everything is falling to pieces.

Stop talking nonsense, Monique. Antoinette is crying.

The Education Board is giving us smallpox.

That's my diagnosis!

Stop your bullshit!

- Are you defending teachers? - Not at all, you moron!

By age five, I had at least 12 of them feeling me up.

- So, say it. - I am saying it!

You're not saying it loud enough!

You have to yell to be heard these days.

No one's listening to anybody.

I, too, can cry when I want. Just need to turn the tap, that's all.

There.

A little demonstration.

We're tired, girls. We're tired.

We should spend a week at the club.

Yeah, right, to come back with a stomach virus.

I told you not to drink the tap water.

I didn't drink the tap water.

Yes, you did. I saw you.

You were drunk, you puked, and crawled all the way to the faucet.

Go fuck yourself!

I drink tap water. Fuck off!

My poor little girl.

It's not a reason to feel me up! I'm getting tired of your fat hands.

I don't have fat hands. What is she talking about?

Yes, you have fat hands! I should know.

They're so tiring. I'm going back to my spot.

I prefer freezing on the street.

Wait for me. I'm coming with you.

It's not as cold when you have company.

Can I have another beer, Mrs. Petrel, please?