Original subtitles

First of all, I disagree with your school's decision

to expel you over this.

Even though you're a student at a city university,

neither I nor the Mayor

have any jurisdiction over what ultimately

becomes a question of your first amendment rights.

So I urge you to take it up at a federal level.

I'm sorry. We just can't help you here.

So...

cold outside, huh ?

Could you describe him again ?

He was naked.

That's it ?

No height, weight, hair color ?

He was blond.

He was a natural blond.

Can you believe the snow out there ?

This morning, I tried to take

my cat out for a walk. Right ?

Buttons is pulling on the leash so hard,

I could hardly get him from the building.

Ok, let's forget for a second that Paul actually walks his cat.

There's a kernel of relevance in what he has to say.

The finest weathermen in the city say

we're gonna get between 1 and 125 inches of snow today.

You know, if you're in an avalanche,

you're supposed to hunch over and create an air pocket.

That's great, James. We're gonna post that on fifth avenue.

Right next to the tsunami warnings.

Don't worry, James. If it weren't for you,

I wouldn't know that if attacked by a bear, I should avoid eye contact.

Oh, yeah, they get nervous if you stare.

Ok, we gotta process these overtime forms

and get them over to the department of transportation

so we can get the plows out in the streets in time.

Carter, Stewart, who wants to handle this ?

He does. He does.

Congratulations, we have a tie.

Nikki, you're in charge of the TLC.

Oh, that's sweet.

We could use a little more of that around here.

That's taxi and limousine commission, you dip.

Thank you for proving my point.

Mike, building services needs your permission to salt the steps.

Tell 'em they got it.

If there's a fire, they should feel free to put that out, too.

Oh, and there's a young woman

coming upstairs to see you.

This is the middle of a potential crisis situation.

This is priority one right now. Nothing else matters.

Great googly moogly !

HI, Mike.

I suppose we could take a quick time out.

Shelly McCrory.

I can't believe I haven't seen you since high school.

Shelly...

McCrory.

Right again.

I had the... the biggest...

crush on you in high school.

And I... just never did anything about it.

If you had a thing for me,

why go out with Julie MacCallum senior year ?

Because her locker was next to yours.

And she put out.

Well, guess what, Mike.

Everything you were thinking about me,

I was thinking the exact same things about you.

Oh, I doubt it.

It's too bad we never went out on a date.

Actually, we went out on lots of them.

You, uh... you just didn't know it.

Remember that homecoming game ?

We sat next to each other in the bleachers.

Mike, I was with my boyfriend.

Was that as uncomfortable for you as it was for me ?

Well, since you're in town now,

there's no reason we couldn't get together.

Well, actually, I'm just here for the night.

I turned 30 a couple of months ago,

and, uh... it occurred to me,

my whole life, it's been nothing but

missed opportunities. You know ?

So I figured, what the hell,

and I quit my job, I gave up my apartment,

and I am moving to Paris.

My plane leaves tomorrow morning.

Well, that's exciting.

Just when I had stopped obsessing about you.

Thanks for dropping by.

Well, you know just because I'm leaving tomorrow morning

doesn't mean that we can't get together...

tonight.

You know, you're right. You're right.

Listen, why don't I take you out to dinner ?

Anyplace. You name it.

I was thinking... room service ?

I love that place.

Mike, I've come up with what I think

is a cohesive theme for our storm broadcast.

Blizzard watch '97.

That's brilliant.

You should put in for overtime this week.

James, I need you to write the Mayor's copy.

Just basic stuff, ok ? Keep the avalanche safety tips to a minimum.

James ?

I'm sorry, Mike, I'm just a little nervous.

I haven't spent a lot of time in here.

I don't want to put my foot in my mouth.

Don't worry, you won't.

Who's this drunken old man with the Mayor ?

That's his mom.

So, we all ready in here ?

Yes, sir, we are.

This is the command center for...

blizzard watch '97 !

Sorry, sir.

As you see, sir, I leave you in the most capable hands.

Now, Mr. Mayor. Yeah.

When speaking into a radio microphone, I like to keep my lips

just a comfortable distance from the device.

Really, Paul ?

I usually like to swallow the microphone whole

and then talk.

Hey there, citizens.

Ooh.

Hey there, citizens.

- Hey there. - Hey there.

* hey there *

* you with the stars in your eyes *

* love ! Never made... *

sir. Sir.

What ?

Sir, we're live.

And now, here's the Mayor.

Why is this not working ?

I don't suppose you have change for a dollar ?

Sorry.

What are you looking at ?

Nothing.

Not that it's nothing.

It's just that, well...

you must be very proud.

Damn this thing !

Gimme your money.

This hallway light is out, too.

Maybe a fuse is blown.

I'll get you your Mr. Goodbar, or...

I want a zagnut.

Apparently, you want a Mr. Goodbar.

You talk to human services about extra shelters ?

Suspended alternate side of the street parking ?

We've done everything on your list.

Not quite everything.

Put on your mittens.

Yes.

Well, my work here is done.

Good night, everybody.

Good night, Mike.

Have fun catching up with your friend.

All right, do I detect a note of sarcasm there ?

Come on. Let's hear what you have to say.

She's saying you could not be

in more of a hurry to go have sex.

Well, I never.

I mean, I am shocked.

Claudia, you know me. Do I seem like that kind of guy ?

I just came by to say hi to Paul.

Come on, you're among friends. Out with it.

Mmm, I think you're looking to make a bootie call.

We don't have time for this.

We have to fax the overtime authorization

for the snow plow guys.

That'll take 5 seconds. What are you talking about ?

I don't want to be down here in this boiler room

trying to fix a fuse because you want a damn zagnut.

I still want a zagnut.

Shut up !

It's got a crispy nougat center.

Just flip the switch.

I can't get it open.

Let me. Move, move.

Go ahead, you control freak.

This should be simple.

Here. Use this to pry it open.

Where'd you get this ?

Um...

under the door.

So cold.

No cabs.

You were really out there for an hour ?

I don't know. It seemed like an hour.

I think my watch stopped.

And now it's frozen to my head.

Help me.

Help me.

Careful.

Aahhh !

Why aren't the streets plowed, Janelle ?

Where the hell are Stewart and carter ?

We must have plows, Janelle.

No plows, no streets. No streets, no cabs.

You want me to call someone ?

That would be nice.

With that woman waiting for you,

I'm surprised you didn't tunnel your way to a subway.

I tried.

I got a couple of hundred yards.

I couldn't feel the lower half of my body.

I figured, you know,

what's the point ?

I'm glad you're here.

A large section of Brooklyn

just lost power.

Claudia's helping us with the calls.

Uh, no, I'm sorry.

I don't got "no freaking idea"

how long the lights will be out.

Conditions as they are,

I'm restricting transportation to emergency vehicles only.

Hang the sign out, Mike. New York city is closed.

No, no ! Sir, you can't do that !

Give me one good reason.

The children, sir.

What children ?

The children in all of us.

It's done, Mike. We're stuck here for now !

Well, I don't suppose it could get any worse.

Shelly called. She wants you to know she's curled up in front of a big, cozy fire.

Was that the guy ?

I don't know.

I just saw him from the back.

Morse code. Brilliant.

Maybe the coast guard will come down

and rescue us.

Well, your idea to crank the heat up to 150

didn't exactly bring people flocking down here.

I can't

take this anymore. I'm turning it off.

Great ! What are you gonna do now ?

Cut me some slack ! I'm dying over here.

Well, take off the wool suit.

Oh, yeah, right.

What are you, 8 ?

I promise not to watch.

All right, then.

* da da da da ! *

* boom boom boom *

stop it ! You're making me uncomfortable !

Whatever it takes to get you to drive the plows,

I authorize it.

Just saddle up.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Yes ! Ladies and gentlemen, put on your name tags,

New York city is open for business.

Whew !

And what are you doing ?

I'm getting some coffee.

We're snowed in.

What are you gonna do, throw me out ?

Give me a cup of that, will you ?

Cream and sugar ?

Yeah. I'll stir it myself.

Damn ! It is hot in here !

You know, some people pay a lot of money for this.

You know, I'm totally comfortable.

The human body is remarkably self-regulating.

Take a hike, you nudist crackpot.

I'm gonna announce the school closings for tomorrow.

All of them.

So, who's your favorite Mayor, huh, kids ?

And you high-schoolers, let's remember that

come election time.

That's very funny.

Thank you. Thank you.

You know...

this storm reminds me of when I was a boy.

Uh, no, it doesn't.

It was December, 1955.

I was rushing out to meet up with my playmates,

and my mother told me to shovel the walk

so that the postman wouldn't slip.

God, I resented her.

Yeah. No, no.

Of course I'm still coming.

All the emergencies are taken care of.

It's just a waiting game now.

Yeah. Oh, hey, you forgot your shopping bag.

It's a nice scarf.

It's not ?

Nikki.

Go !

I'll be there in 15 minutes.

Promise you'll wear your beeper at all times.

I'll tie it to my wrist.

Mike, that's not your coat.

I don't care.

I think I hear my Pauly on the radio.

James, I can't take this anymore.

Thank goodness you went to the bathroom.

The Mayor and his stories ! Sheesh !

The man could bore his way through sheetrock.

Paul, we're still on the air.

Oh, no !

No !

Bummer for Pauly.

Mike, you can't leave. Help him !

This job is Paul's life.

It's everything to him. If he loses it,

he'll be stripped of his pride, his dignity.

Mike, he'll be a broken, empty, hollowed out shell of a man !

Claudia.

That's a worst-case scenario.

Ahh.

Congratulations, Stewart.

You've done it.

You are now officially the worst guy ever

to be stuck in a room with.

Ha ! Meet my parents !

No, thanks. I've already met my own.

A little family tension

from the most sensitive man on the planet ?

Oh, it's mostly my dad.

Wait a minute.

Are we relating ?

We'll deny it later.

Go ahead, talk about your father.

I'm here for you.

I'll keep trying to attract attention.

What is that, the water pressure ?

All right, get utilities on the phone.

Find out what's going on with the water pressure.

I flushed a toilet in the men's room.

I almost got sucked to the center of the earth.

What are you doing flushing the toilet while you're sitting down ?

Stay out of my personal life.

Where the hell is Paul ?

I can't get out of here till this thing is settled.

Shelly's flight leaves in six hours.

Are the airports still closed ?

Runways will be open by dawn.

Have the fire department open the hoses

and freeze those babies back up.

You're proposing we shut down a major airport ?

Hey, dinner, flowers, shutting down airports.

Women appreciate the little gestures.

Well, where is he, Mike ?

I looked everywhere, sir.

I even put a plate of ho-hos in front of the air duct.

I think he's gone awol.

Out there in the bitter cold. Ooh.

Let's hope he forgot his jacket.

Sir, you're angry, you have every reason to be.

But... look, it's late. We're all tired.

The sooner we get past this,

the sooner we can finish up and go home.

Plus, Mike, aren't you meeting that girl tonight ?

We're focusing on the Mayor right now, James.

Paul ?

Honey, it's Claudia.

Shh. I'm hiding.

Ooh, are we playing our little game ?

This is no game.

The Mayor's got it out for me.

I heard what you said on the radio.

It's not as bad as you think.

You should find the Mayor and apologize.

No one ever solved anything by hiding.

The Von Trapps did.

Honey, that was a musical.

Based on a true story ?

Paul, please ? For me ?

Ok. All right. But...

does this mean that we've reached that stage in our relationship

where I have to do whatever you ask ?

Honey, we got to that stage

the second I agreed to go out with you.

Paul ?

Sorry. I didn't realize anybody was...

naked in here.

Stay. I'm just reading the paper.

Here. Sports page ?

No, no. You go ahead and wear that.

Listen, I am not one of those seventies hipsters

who's trying to act out some exhibitionist fantasy.

So then it's laundry day ?

Think about the power of nudity.

No fashion, no shopping malls, no supermodels.

Ridding the world of supermodels. I could get on that bus.

No shame about your body,

no sexual hang-ups.

No guys asking you out just because they want to see you naked.

Are you with me ? I am !

We've been oppressed too long ! Yes, we have !

Take your clothes off.

Not a chance.

Sir, you're on in 30 seconds.

Ok.

Sir, this is Pauly we're talking about.

Should it have happened ? No.

Could it happen again ?

You betcha.

Mr. Mayor ?

Mr. Mayor, there is nothing I could say

to undo what I said, so I just want to say that I said it, and I'm sorry.

Work on that a long time, did you ?

It may not be poetry, sir,

but it is from the heart.

Good morning, citizens.

Oh, good news. Power has been restored

to all affected areas of Brooklyn,

and the subways will be up and running

by morning rush hour.

Now, earlier, most of you probably heard some comments

made by my press secretary, Paul Lassiter.

I'd like to take this opportunity to assure you that I...

took no offense.

Good night, New York.

In fact, Paul is with me right here now.

Say hi to the folks, Paul.

Hi.

This is radio, Lassiter.

Oh, I'm sorry. Hello, everybody.

Yes, come on, sit down.

God knows we kid each other around the office.

- We do ? - Yeah.

Sure. I can hardly count the number of times

that you've stuck your foot in your mouth up on that podium.

It's a thousand if it's one, sir. Yeah.

And I'm sure we can both admit

that I do sometimes get a little long-winded myself.

A little ? I could strap you onto a balloon

and fly around the world !

I should go hide now.

Will you look at this.

Water !

Is it really true ?

Are we finally free ?

Yeah ?

Yeah, I was right. They're down here.

Can't I see him just for a minute ?

I'm sorry. No. I caused him a lot of trouble last night.

He fell asleep at his desk.

He's gonna stay asleep, and that's the end.

But I really... no buts. No buts.

You just go off to Paris.

I hear it's beautiful this time of year.

Ok. Just do me a favor and give him a kiss for me.

Oh, yeah, that is exactly what I'll do.

Of course. Yeah. Will do.

Good night, buddy.

Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.

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