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1
00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:04,380
We had
the greatest day.
2
00:00:04,501 --> 00:00:05,780
I laughed at
all his jokes.
3
00:00:05,901 --> 00:00:07,513
I did the whole,
"you're so fascinating.
4
00:00:07,634 --> 00:00:10,046
Please continue talking
about yourself" gambit.
5
00:00:10,167 --> 00:00:12,179
I pulled out all the stops.
He still hasn't called.
6
00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:15,334
I'll take things I don't
care about for $100, Alex.
7
00:00:16,734 --> 00:00:17,646
Good morning.
8
00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:19,213
Good morning.
Good morning.
9
00:00:19,334 --> 00:00:21,146
Gene, I really
enjoyed the Mayor's chat
10
00:00:21,267 --> 00:00:23,279
with the transit
authority commission.
11
00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:24,780
It was a very effective
speech.
12
00:00:24,901 --> 00:00:25,780
Thank you.
13
00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:27,279
Can you do me a favor ?
14
00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:29,213
Read this line
I've circled there ?
15
00:00:29,334 --> 00:00:31,279
"We're all so very proud
of our new unique...
16
00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:34,747
unique New York, New
York, Newark connector."
17
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:37,346
Took the Mayor 25 minutes
to get through that.
18
00:00:37,467 --> 00:00:39,847
You might want to
read these things aloud,
19
00:00:39,968 --> 00:00:41,847
especially with
the arrival next week
20
00:00:41,968 --> 00:00:44,580
of the 6 Sikh sheiks
from sheik-al sham.
21
00:00:44,701 --> 00:00:47,879
You're making that
up, right ?
22
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:49,513
Ok. Next item.
23
00:00:49,634 --> 00:00:52,179
The Mayor's taping an episode
of counterpoint tomorrow.
24
00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:54,246
We will make sure
that he is prepared.
25
00:00:54,367 --> 00:00:55,646
Superstores
in urban centers.
26
00:00:55,767 --> 00:00:57,446
Oh, I hate
those stores !
27
00:00:57,567 --> 00:00:59,446
Last time
I went to one,
28
00:00:59,567 --> 00:01:01,912
I got lost for the
better part of a weekend.
29
00:01:02,033 --> 00:01:03,813
That's why we tie
a balloon to your wrist
30
00:01:03,934 --> 00:01:06,046
before we send you down
to the Xerox room.
31
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:08,046
That center
they opened up in Brooklyn
32
00:01:08,167 --> 00:01:09,979
knocked out 8 mom and pop
hardware stores.
33
00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:11,279
That's a good issue.
34
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,079
These stores will provide
tax revenue to this city
35
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,279
in the amount of...
36
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,213
ah, uh... every year,
it'll be...
37
00:01:18,334 --> 00:01:20,813
jeez, we should
know this.
38
00:01:20,934 --> 00:01:21,813
Ahem. Ahem !
39
00:01:21,934 --> 00:01:23,146
In a second, Paul.
40
00:01:23,267 --> 00:01:24,747
Ahem !
I want information:
41
00:01:24,868 --> 00:01:27,346
Exactly how much money
is the city's getting,
42
00:01:27,467 --> 00:01:29,346
how many jobs
will be created,
43
00:01:29,467 --> 00:01:31,513
ahem ! Ahem !
I want... I want to know
44
00:01:31,634 --> 00:01:33,380
what you're chokin' on,
Paul.
45
00:01:33,501 --> 00:01:35,912
Nothing. I got a tickle
in my throat.
46
00:01:36,033 --> 00:01:37,912
Paul's got the bug.
We've all had it.
47
00:01:38,033 --> 00:01:39,912
Not me.
And you know why ?
48
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:42,313
Because I take over 40
vitamins and minerals a day.
49
00:01:42,434 --> 00:01:44,912
It's called a bowl
of total, Stewart.
50
00:01:45,033 --> 00:01:46,879
American's onto
your little secret.
51
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,813
You all get sick because you're
weak. Sickness is up here.
52
00:01:49,934 --> 00:01:52,813
The only thing that can fight
off a virus is hearty resolve.
53
00:01:52,934 --> 00:01:54,279
Are you with me,
Paul ?
54
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,213
I amb, Bike.
55
00:01:56,334 --> 00:01:57,713
Feelin' strong ?
56
00:01:57,834 --> 00:01:59,879
Got the strength
of 10 men !
57
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,346
You like crackers
and ginger ale ?
58
00:02:01,467 --> 00:02:02,480
Love 'em.
59
00:02:02,601 --> 00:02:04,513
Great. 'cause you're
about 8 hours away
60
00:02:04,634 --> 00:02:07,367
from wishing to god
you could hold 'em down.
61
00:02:25,501 --> 00:02:27,213
How you doin',
honey ?
62
00:02:27,334 --> 00:02:28,634
Uh-oh.
63
00:02:30,267 --> 00:02:31,813
No, no, no. Nothing to be afraid of.
64
00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:33,813
Yes, there is.
You're lying to me.
65
00:02:33,934 --> 00:02:34,879
Not true.
66
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,847
You know Charlie Morris,
right ?
67
00:02:36,968 --> 00:02:39,879
Yeah. He's debating the Mayor
tomorrow night on counterpoint.
68
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,413
Here it comes.
69
00:02:42,534 --> 00:02:44,946
I'm replacing him
on the show.
70
00:02:45,067 --> 00:02:46,912
What happened
to Charlie ?
71
00:02:47,033 --> 00:02:48,979
We like Charlie.
72
00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:50,912
Charlie's easy
to deal with.
73
00:02:51,033 --> 00:02:52,912
Charlie likes
a nice steak dinner.
74
00:02:53,033 --> 00:02:55,946
Well, Charlie should
lay off the red meat,
75
00:02:56,067 --> 00:02:59,213
because Charlie went in for
a double bypass this morning.
76
00:02:59,334 --> 00:03:01,046
Ok. Note to self:
77
00:03:01,167 --> 00:03:04,513
Cancel Charlie's
cheese-of-the-month Christmas gift.
78
00:03:04,634 --> 00:03:07,046
Anyway. I just wanted
to let you know.
79
00:03:07,167 --> 00:03:09,179
Hope it's not
a problem for ya.
80
00:03:09,300 --> 00:03:11,513
Why would it be
a problem for me ?
81
00:03:11,634 --> 00:03:12,546
All righty, then.
82
00:03:12,667 --> 00:03:14,946
1... 2... 3.
83
00:03:15,067 --> 00:03:16,446
Hey, what are you, uh...
84
00:03:16,567 --> 00:03:19,480
what do you know about
superstores, anyway ?
85
00:03:19,601 --> 00:03:21,446
You mean besides
what I learned
86
00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:23,480
during my 4-part
series on them last week
87
00:03:23,601 --> 00:03:25,646
that you told me
you watched and loved ?
88
00:03:25,767 --> 00:03:27,747
I taped them. And I'm
planning on loving them.
89
00:03:27,868 --> 00:03:30,012
Hello, Michael.
Miss Schaeffer.
90
00:03:30,133 --> 00:03:32,879
No. You can understand if
I don't feel comfortable
91
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,613
consorting
with my opponent ?
92
00:03:35,734 --> 00:03:37,680
I'm just kidding.
Just kidding.
93
00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:39,646
That's my game face,
you see.
94
00:03:39,767 --> 00:03:41,146
Pretty good, huh ?
Huh ?
95
00:03:41,267 --> 00:03:43,000
Want to see
the other side ?
96
00:03:55,968 --> 00:03:59,813
Nicky, you want to talk
to me about something ?
97
00:03:59,934 --> 00:04:02,213
You see ? I didn't have
to say a word. You knew.
98
00:04:02,334 --> 00:04:05,179
This is why I come to
you. You are so sensitive.
99
00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:06,780
Ah, yes, sensitive.
100
00:04:06,901 --> 00:04:09,546
That's hetero-speak
for gay.
101
00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:12,613
No. I'm just saying
you know how men think
102
00:04:12,734 --> 00:04:15,380
because you are one,
but you also date men,
103
00:04:15,501 --> 00:04:18,580
so you also understand what
a woman has to deal with.
104
00:04:18,701 --> 00:04:21,813
Let's face it: You're homosexual,
but you're bihelpful.
105
00:04:21,934 --> 00:04:23,446
Fair enough.
What's your problem ?
106
00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:24,946
He still hasn't
called.
107
00:04:25,067 --> 00:04:26,513
I'm sorry.
I really am.
108
00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:29,279
Nope. Nope. I need
more. I need to know why.
109
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:31,346
Ok. Give me a minute.
110
00:04:31,467 --> 00:04:32,946
Wait. I'm getting
something...
111
00:04:33,067 --> 00:04:34,446
I'm getting something.
112
00:04:34,567 --> 00:04:36,380
He's walking past
a phone.
113
00:04:36,501 --> 00:04:38,446
He... he stops !
He stops !
114
00:04:38,567 --> 00:04:39,879
He's dialing
your number.
115
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,879
The phone should be
ringing right about...
116
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,413
now !
117
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:48,300
Oh, how cool that would
have been if it had happened.
118
00:04:49,367 --> 00:04:50,713
Forget it.
119
00:04:50,834 --> 00:04:53,167
Hey, come on. Just
trying to cheer you up.
120
00:04:55,534 --> 00:04:56,879
Poor Nicky.
121
00:04:57,000 --> 00:05:01,046
Yeah. I wonder if that guy has any idea
122
00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:02,413
how much
she likes him.
123
00:05:02,534 --> 00:05:05,912
Come on. How could a guy not
know when a girl was into him ?
124
00:05:06,033 --> 00:05:07,912
I really like
your sweater, James.
125
00:05:08,033 --> 00:05:09,334
Thanks.
126
00:05:11,033 --> 00:05:13,413
My old girlfriend
gave this to me.
127
00:05:13,534 --> 00:05:15,501
God, she was hot.
128
00:05:22,868 --> 00:05:25,267
Mike, my worst
fear has been confirmed.
129
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,480
Coughing in my face
was your worst fear ?
130
00:05:32,601 --> 00:05:35,246
No. That tickle has blossomed
into full-blown influenza.
131
00:05:35,367 --> 00:05:37,113
I got the shakes,
the chills...
132
00:05:37,234 --> 00:05:39,380
Paul, you could tell me you
had the boogie-woogie fever,
133
00:05:39,501 --> 00:05:41,146
I'd still drag you
in there by your tongue.
134
00:05:41,267 --> 00:05:42,380
I can't talk, Mike.
135
00:05:42,501 --> 00:05:46,213
I feel like somebody stuck
a hairdryer in my mouth.
136
00:05:46,334 --> 00:05:49,946
Go take care of yourself.
Drink a bottle of moisturizer.
137
00:05:50,067 --> 00:05:51,847
It's just a daily
briefing. I can handle it.
138
00:05:51,968 --> 00:05:54,246
Oh, you're a very kind and generous man.
139
00:05:54,367 --> 00:05:58,646
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go home,
you count that as a sick day.
140
00:05:58,767 --> 00:06:00,334
Bless you, sir.
141
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:03,480
Good afternoon, class.
142
00:06:03,601 --> 00:06:05,879
My name is Mr. Flaherty.
143
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,946
I'll be your substitute press
secretary for the afternoon.
144
00:06:09,067 --> 00:06:10,747
Let's kick off
with questions.
145
00:06:10,868 --> 00:06:13,713
Yes. Mike, any truth to the rumor
146
00:06:13,834 --> 00:06:15,246
that the Mayor's office
147
00:06:15,367 --> 00:06:18,680
is considering changing city
zoning laws to bring in superstores ?
148
00:06:18,801 --> 00:06:20,046
No comment.
149
00:06:20,167 --> 00:06:21,979
Meaning you haven't
done anything,
150
00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:24,079
or that you're
withholding information ?
151
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,246
Surprisingly, I have no
comment on my no comment.
152
00:06:27,367 --> 00:06:28,912
Ok. Let's move on.
153
00:06:29,033 --> 00:06:30,912
The city hall
Santa Claus
154
00:06:31,033 --> 00:06:33,879
will be in the lobby all this week
between noon and 3:00.
155
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:36,380
Where do those hours
leave working mothers
156
00:06:36,501 --> 00:06:39,446
who want to take their
kids to visit Santa ?
157
00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:42,079
You'll have to check
with Mrs. Claus
158
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,879
regarding
Santa's schedule.
159
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,946
We have him from between noon and 3 p.m.
160
00:06:47,067 --> 00:06:48,813
So you're leaving them
no other option ?
161
00:06:48,934 --> 00:06:54,713
Perhaps they can visit one of
the other 700,000 Santa clauses
162
00:06:54,834 --> 00:06:56,213
in New York city.
163
00:06:56,334 --> 00:06:58,246
We have him between
noon and 3:00.
164
00:06:58,367 --> 00:07:00,546
Any other questions ?
Please, someone else.
165
00:07:00,667 --> 00:07:02,546
Why don't you
just call him ?
166
00:07:02,667 --> 00:07:04,480
I can't.
I'm not a caller.
167
00:07:04,601 --> 00:07:05,912
I'm a callee.
168
00:07:06,033 --> 00:07:08,413
I go out on a date.
I come home.
169
00:07:08,534 --> 00:07:10,012
I listen
to my messages.
170
00:07:10,133 --> 00:07:11,346
It's a very nice life.
171
00:07:11,467 --> 00:07:12,847
But to be a caller ?
No way !
172
00:07:12,968 --> 00:07:14,946
You make that first
phone call,
173
00:07:15,067 --> 00:07:16,813
it's all down hill
from there.
174
00:07:16,934 --> 00:07:19,912
Next thing, you've got a thousand
cats, you're living in Brooklyn.
175
00:07:20,033 --> 00:07:21,946
Can I borrow you
for a second ?
176
00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:24,346
If you want any more
superstore facts,
177
00:07:24,467 --> 00:07:25,847
ask someone else,
178
00:07:25,968 --> 00:07:27,847
because supercarter
is supertired.
179
00:07:27,968 --> 00:07:29,346
I'm sorry about that.
180
00:07:29,467 --> 00:07:30,946
No. Check that.
181
00:07:31,067 --> 00:07:32,446
I'm supersorry
about that.
182
00:07:32,567 --> 00:07:33,767
It'll just take
a sec.
183
00:07:35,501 --> 00:07:36,380
Hey, Nicky,
184
00:07:36,501 --> 00:07:37,946
you feeling
a little better ?
185
00:07:38,067 --> 00:07:39,879
Oh, yeah. Carter's
really helping me out.
186
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:43,179
What is it about
men, James ?
187
00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:46,646
Uh, you're gonna have to
be a little more specific.
188
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:49,146
All right. Why is it
if a guy likes somebody,
189
00:07:49,267 --> 00:07:52,313
he can't just pick up the
phone, call 'em, let 'em know ?
190
00:07:52,434 --> 00:07:55,380
Hey, I like somebody, I tell
them I like them right away.
191
00:07:55,501 --> 00:07:59,380
And if someone likes me, I'd
want to know as soon as possible.
192
00:07:59,501 --> 00:08:01,380
Some people
call that desperate.
193
00:08:01,501 --> 00:08:03,780
I prefer needy.
194
00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:06,546
You have no idea how
adorable you are, do ya ?
195
00:08:06,667 --> 00:08:09,801
Why can't I find a guy
like you, James, huh ?
196
00:08:14,968 --> 00:08:16,100
Bye, Nicky.
197
00:08:19,601 --> 00:08:21,847
Maybe... maybe I went
a little too far
198
00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:23,813
with the whole
Santa Claus thing,
199
00:08:23,934 --> 00:08:26,346
but when I saw you
come out there,
200
00:08:26,467 --> 00:08:29,346
I felt like I was at a shooting gallery.
201
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:32,847
Every time your little duck head
popped up from behind that podium,
202
00:08:32,968 --> 00:08:35,446
ooh ! Ping ! Ping !
Ping, ping, ping, ping !
203
00:08:35,567 --> 00:08:37,046
God, it was fun !
204
00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:39,446
Oh, yeah.
It was a hoot.
205
00:08:39,567 --> 00:08:42,513
You have any idea how
much damage you've caused ?
206
00:08:42,634 --> 00:08:45,346
Thanks to you, Paul's pulling
the night shift next week
207
00:08:45,467 --> 00:08:46,879
in a Santa suit.
208
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,146
The only things those kids
are gonna get for Christmas
209
00:08:48,267 --> 00:08:50,079
is a wet, hacking
cough.
210
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:52,946
You're doing
all the shooting,
211
00:08:53,067 --> 00:08:54,380
and I'm dodging
the bullets.
212
00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:57,113
I wish, just once, the
shoe was on the other foot.
213
00:08:57,234 --> 00:08:59,446
I wish I could
ask you the questions.
214
00:08:59,567 --> 00:09:01,012
Mike, it's Randall.
215
00:09:01,133 --> 00:09:04,946
I've come down with
that thing Paul's got.
216
00:09:05,067 --> 00:09:07,513
I'm too sick to do
that TV show.
217
00:09:07,634 --> 00:09:10,901
I'm sorry. You're gonna
have to fill in for me.
218
00:09:15,334 --> 00:09:16,946
Ok.
219
00:09:17,067 --> 00:09:19,467
Now I wish I'd win
the lottery.
220
00:09:20,467 --> 00:09:21,912
Huh. Nothing.
221
00:09:22,033 --> 00:09:24,346
Well, I'll just
have to settle
222
00:09:24,467 --> 00:09:25,979
for taking you down.
223
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:27,868
Bring it on, lover.
224
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,279
Carter, have a minute ?
Something important's going on.
225
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,446
I know.
Mike's going to war.
226
00:09:40,567 --> 00:09:42,346
He's not gonna
let us rest
227
00:09:42,467 --> 00:09:44,646
until we get him
100% prepared.
228
00:09:44,767 --> 00:09:46,834
Yeah. You think
Nicky likes me ?
229
00:09:47,901 --> 00:09:49,780
Likes you as in...
as a coworker
230
00:09:49,901 --> 00:09:51,879
or likes you or as in
231
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:55,079
this is gonna be the longest
conversation of my life ?
232
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:58,113
Nicky said, "why can't I
find a guy like you, James ?"
233
00:09:58,234 --> 00:10:00,380
And who's more like
James than James ?
234
00:10:00,501 --> 00:10:02,580
Here she comes. If you
hear anything, let me know.
235
00:10:02,701 --> 00:10:04,346
Ok, James.
236
00:10:04,467 --> 00:10:05,879
I'm telling you, Mike,
237
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:09,012
this is all the information
we have on superstores.
238
00:10:09,133 --> 00:10:10,680
Everything
there is to know
239
00:10:10,801 --> 00:10:12,701
is condensed into
this little, tiny...
240
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,000
10,000-pound book ?
241
00:10:17,067 --> 00:10:18,979
Would you like
some help with that ?
242
00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:21,079
No, no. My arms
are just tired.
243
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,113
Worked out at the gym
this morning.
244
00:10:23,234 --> 00:10:24,979
I could organize
all the facts
245
00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:26,646
so that it's easier
for you to follow.
246
00:10:26,767 --> 00:10:29,513
See, I believe in paying
attention to details.
247
00:10:29,634 --> 00:10:31,413
Whether it's the exact
number of new jobs
248
00:10:31,534 --> 00:10:33,912
that superstores generate
for the city,
249
00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:35,912
or timing
the perfect dinner
250
00:10:36,033 --> 00:10:38,634
so it coincides
with sunset.
251
00:10:46,133 --> 00:10:47,601
Your shirt's
buttoned wrong.
252
00:10:49,534 --> 00:10:50,467
Damn !
253
00:10:52,934 --> 00:10:54,646
Mike, we've been at this
since 6:00a.m.
254
00:10:54,767 --> 00:10:56,546
Maybe you've got
enough information.
255
00:10:56,667 --> 00:10:57,747
That's impossible.
256
00:10:57,868 --> 00:10:59,946
My mind is a machine,
and it can store
257
00:11:00,067 --> 00:11:01,446
an endless supply
of facts.
258
00:11:01,567 --> 00:11:03,012
I can spit them out
on demand.
259
00:11:03,133 --> 00:11:04,813
Stewart's birthday
is may 24, 1964.
260
00:11:04,934 --> 00:11:06,879
Nicky, your mother's maiden
name is Shaunessy.
261
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,946
James, you had an erotic
dream about Barbra Streisand.
262
00:11:10,067 --> 00:11:12,067
Mike, that was
our secret.
263
00:11:15,067 --> 00:11:20,300
No, no. The secret part was
she was dressed up as yentl.
264
00:11:21,801 --> 00:11:24,012
Mike, I've looked over
Ashley's tapes,
265
00:11:24,133 --> 00:11:26,480
and she doesn't have
a lot of weaknesses.
266
00:11:26,601 --> 00:11:28,747
However, I may have found
an Achilles heel.
267
00:11:28,868 --> 00:11:33,813
For some reason, she seems
to care deeply about you.
268
00:11:33,934 --> 00:11:36,446
I'll give her
my hurt face.
269
00:11:36,567 --> 00:11:40,601
She always caves in when
I give her my hurt face.
270
00:11:42,601 --> 00:11:44,513
Exactly. If you get
in any real trouble,
271
00:11:44,634 --> 00:11:46,613
may I suggest leaning
across the table
272
00:11:46,734 --> 00:11:49,167
and discreetly threatening to
break up with her. HI, Ashley.
273
00:11:51,234 --> 00:11:52,146
Look at this.
274
00:11:52,267 --> 00:11:54,912
A binder full of data,
an overworked staff,
275
00:11:55,033 --> 00:11:57,413
and a very tense
deputy Mayor.
276
00:11:57,534 --> 00:11:58,946
All for little me ?
277
00:11:59,067 --> 00:12:00,546
Mr. Flaherty,
I do declare,
278
00:12:00,667 --> 00:12:02,079
this war's
already over.
279
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:05,179
Oh, no, this war
hasn't even begun.
280
00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:06,680
See this book ?
281
00:12:06,801 --> 00:12:08,179
Ash, everything in here
282
00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:09,446
is in here.
283
00:12:09,567 --> 00:12:10,646
Well, good luck.
284
00:12:10,767 --> 00:12:13,613
I just want to say
it's been nice knowing you.
285
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:16,346
You're an excellent dancer,
you make wonderful soups,
286
00:12:16,467 --> 00:12:18,847
and I really enjoyed that
weekend in bucks county.
287
00:12:18,968 --> 00:12:20,179
I appreciate
that, Mike,
288
00:12:20,300 --> 00:12:22,747
and by the way, we never
went to bucks county.
289
00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:23,847
Sorry.
290
00:12:23,968 --> 00:12:26,400
Got a lot of stuff
up here.
291
00:12:30,267 --> 00:12:32,680
Sorry, sir. I didn't think
you were coming in today.
292
00:12:32,801 --> 00:12:34,046
Shouldn't you be
home resting ?
293
00:12:34,167 --> 00:12:36,513
Helen didn't want me
getting the help sick.
294
00:12:36,634 --> 00:12:38,167
They're very
important to her.
295
00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:43,413
I'm sure the help
appreciates it.
296
00:12:43,534 --> 00:12:46,646
Probably be reflected
in your Christmas bonus.
297
00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:49,912
You're preparing hard for
that debate with Ashley, huh ?
298
00:12:50,033 --> 00:12:51,680
Oh, yes, we're gonna
make us proud.
299
00:12:51,801 --> 00:12:55,634
I'm sure you will. Care to take a
little walk down memory lane, Mike ?
300
00:12:56,968 --> 00:12:58,346
Uh... how...
301
00:12:58,467 --> 00:13:01,346
how long a walk
will that be, sir ?
302
00:13:01,467 --> 00:13:02,968
Because I got
this TV thing.
303
00:13:04,334 --> 00:13:05,734
Look at this here.
304
00:13:09,067 --> 00:13:11,000
That's me
in high school.
305
00:13:12,501 --> 00:13:13,868
Prom night.
306
00:13:16,501 --> 00:13:17,946
College days...
307
00:13:18,067 --> 00:13:21,580
oh, there's me and my fraternity
brothers on luau night.
308
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:25,246
Nice grass skirt
there, sir.
309
00:13:25,367 --> 00:13:27,146
Look at where you're
holding that tiki torch.
310
00:13:27,267 --> 00:13:28,713
Yeah, yeah.
311
00:13:28,834 --> 00:13:29,747
You know, sir,
312
00:13:29,868 --> 00:13:31,513
I probably should
just hang on to this
313
00:13:31,634 --> 00:13:33,234
until you retire
from politics.
314
00:13:34,667 --> 00:13:37,200
There's a lot of memories
in this thing, Mike.
315
00:13:38,434 --> 00:13:39,580
Who's that ?
316
00:13:39,701 --> 00:13:41,480
That's Valerie horn,
317
00:13:41,601 --> 00:13:43,446
the one
that got away.
318
00:13:43,567 --> 00:13:44,912
Old flame, huh, sir ?
319
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,813
She was the tennis coach at my club
320
00:13:46,934 --> 00:13:49,179
the summer that I
graduated from college.
321
00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:50,946
And um...
322
00:13:51,067 --> 00:13:52,079
well, when we met,
323
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,246
the attraction
was instant.
324
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,580
And by
the third set,
325
00:13:56,701 --> 00:13:57,879
we'd fallen in love.
326
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,713
Wow, that's a...
327
00:13:59,834 --> 00:14:02,012
that's a beautiful
story, sir.
328
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:05,613
Boy meets girl, boy
falls in love with girl.
329
00:14:05,734 --> 00:14:08,513
The deputy Mayor's late
for a television appearance.
330
00:14:08,634 --> 00:14:12,847
Sadly, that's when the
competition kicked in.
331
00:14:12,968 --> 00:14:15,313
The friendly games
became more and more
332
00:14:15,434 --> 00:14:17,713
hotly contested.
333
00:14:17,834 --> 00:14:19,546
At one point,
334
00:14:19,667 --> 00:14:22,279
I tattooed her thigh
with an overhead
335
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:23,801
that... pashooh !
336
00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:27,380
Did you at least
give her that little...
337
00:14:27,501 --> 00:14:29,480
"sorry" wave ?
338
00:14:29,601 --> 00:14:32,413
On match point, I finished
her off with an ace.
339
00:14:32,534 --> 00:14:33,912
I was so happy
340
00:14:34,033 --> 00:14:35,879
I tossed my racket
up into the air,
341
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,380
and as I was waiting
for it to come down,
342
00:14:38,501 --> 00:14:42,179
she walked off the court
and out of my life forever.
343
00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:44,367
You think the competition
drove you apart ?
344
00:14:46,167 --> 00:14:47,446
Yeah.
345
00:14:47,567 --> 00:14:48,901
Yeah,
I guess it did.
346
00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:53,446
But that was a long time ago, Mike.
347
00:14:53,567 --> 00:14:54,912
Sir... uh, Valerie...
348
00:14:55,033 --> 00:14:56,067
mm-hmm ?
349
00:14:58,167 --> 00:14:59,246
Well, what's
she doing now ?
350
00:14:59,367 --> 00:15:01,279
She went on to become
the most famous
351
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,400
lesbian tennis player
on the eastern seaboard.
352
00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:07,613
Maybe he's right.
353
00:15:07,734 --> 00:15:10,780
I never thought competition was
a problem between Ashley and me,
354
00:15:10,901 --> 00:15:13,580
but lately it's been spilling
over into our personal life.
355
00:15:13,701 --> 00:15:16,380
It might look more like a
contest than a relationship.
356
00:15:16,501 --> 00:15:18,179
But I could be
overreacting.
357
00:15:18,300 --> 00:15:20,146
What do you think ?
358
00:15:20,267 --> 00:15:21,713
I'm sorry, Mike,
359
00:15:21,834 --> 00:15:23,580
I can't hear
a word you're saying.
360
00:15:23,701 --> 00:15:26,701
My ears are
packed with fluid.
361
00:15:29,033 --> 00:15:30,580
Thanks for
the help, Paul !
362
00:15:30,701 --> 00:15:32,133
What ? !
363
00:15:37,634 --> 00:15:40,801
I don't even think
James knows I exist.
364
00:15:43,601 --> 00:15:46,012
Why don't you try sitting
next to him and talking to him
365
00:15:46,133 --> 00:15:47,813
until he loses
the will to live ?
366
00:15:47,934 --> 00:15:50,413
You're so silly.
367
00:15:50,534 --> 00:15:52,113
I just wanna know
if you think
368
00:15:52,234 --> 00:15:53,313
I should tell him.
369
00:15:53,434 --> 00:15:55,113
Yes !
370
00:15:55,234 --> 00:15:57,167
For god's sake,
please tell him now.
371
00:16:00,601 --> 00:16:01,546
I can't !
372
00:16:01,667 --> 00:16:04,701
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where you rushing off to ?
373
00:16:05,801 --> 00:16:07,413
Mike's show comes on
in an hour.
374
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:09,847
That's not what you're
here to talk about, is it ?
375
00:16:09,968 --> 00:16:10,847
No. Big development.
376
00:16:10,968 --> 00:16:12,646
Nicky asked me
to buy her a drink.
377
00:16:12,767 --> 00:16:14,113
What should I get her ?
378
00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:16,413
How about a drink ?
379
00:16:16,534 --> 00:16:17,946
She said "surprise me."
380
00:16:18,067 --> 00:16:19,167
Serve it to her naked.
381
00:16:31,501 --> 00:16:32,946
Well, I did it.
382
00:16:33,067 --> 00:16:34,613
I'm a caller.
383
00:16:34,734 --> 00:16:35,979
There's no shame
in that.
384
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:36,979
What happened ?
385
00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:38,380
Got the machine.
386
00:16:38,501 --> 00:16:40,380
"Jeff, Amy, and the kids
aren't home.
387
00:16:40,501 --> 00:16:42,133
Leave a message
after the beep."
388
00:16:44,067 --> 00:16:45,912
Well ?
389
00:16:46,033 --> 00:16:47,513
I think it's obvious.
390
00:16:47,634 --> 00:16:49,868
Jeff and his sister
Amy run an orphanage.
391
00:16:53,701 --> 00:16:56,701
James, whatever you get
me, make it a double.
392
00:17:02,634 --> 00:17:04,813
Sounds like you get
an earful, buddy.
393
00:17:04,934 --> 00:17:06,046
Hah !
394
00:17:06,167 --> 00:17:07,513
You must get this
all day long.
395
00:17:07,634 --> 00:17:08,513
Oh, yeah.
396
00:17:08,634 --> 00:17:10,046
When I go home
to my girlfriend
397
00:17:10,167 --> 00:17:11,380
and want to
talk about it,
398
00:17:11,501 --> 00:17:13,979
it's the last thing
she wants to hear.
399
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:15,868
I think
she's leaving me.
400
00:17:17,801 --> 00:17:21,213
Listen to this.
401
00:17:21,334 --> 00:17:23,434
I come home, and there's
a guy on the machine...
402
00:17:24,534 --> 00:17:25,813
what is
even more galling
403
00:17:25,934 --> 00:17:27,912
is while the government
claims to be acting
404
00:17:28,033 --> 00:17:29,546
in the interests
of the people,
405
00:17:29,667 --> 00:17:30,912
they ignore the fact
406
00:17:31,033 --> 00:17:33,713
that neighborhoods and
businesses will be destroyed.
407
00:17:33,834 --> 00:17:35,079
That's just irresponsible.
408
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:38,246
Strong words.
Counterpoint, Mr. Flaherty ?
409
00:17:38,367 --> 00:17:40,847
It's
a complex issue.
410
00:17:40,968 --> 00:17:43,734
Reasonable people
are gonna disagree.
411
00:17:46,334 --> 00:17:47,701
Scathing retort.
412
00:17:49,133 --> 00:17:51,513
Do you dare rebut,
ms. Schaeffer ?
413
00:17:51,634 --> 00:17:54,246
Well, I'm sure, as
Mr. Flaherty is aware,
414
00:17:54,367 --> 00:17:57,946
that a superstore invasion
will cause a traffic nightmare,
415
00:17:58,067 --> 00:18:00,912
pollute the air, and
decimate small businesses,
416
00:18:01,033 --> 00:18:02,313
destroying
people's lives.
417
00:18:02,434 --> 00:18:04,912
Heh heh. If that doesn't
deserve a counterpoint,
418
00:18:05,033 --> 00:18:06,667
I don't know
what does.
419
00:18:07,968 --> 00:18:09,346
Mr. Flaherty ?
420
00:18:09,467 --> 00:18:11,179
Little help ?
421
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:13,279
Owen, it's
a free country.
422
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,446
What am I gonna do,
criticize her
423
00:18:15,567 --> 00:18:16,912
'cause she's got
an opinion ?
424
00:18:17,033 --> 00:18:18,901
Well, that's...
425
00:18:20,901 --> 00:18:23,133
that's kind of what
we do on this show.
426
00:18:24,901 --> 00:18:26,346
Um...
427
00:18:26,467 --> 00:18:28,780
why don't
we think about that
428
00:18:28,901 --> 00:18:30,847
during this
commercial break ?
429
00:18:30,968 --> 00:18:32,079
And clear.
430
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,501
Excuse me. I'm going
to go wake up the crew.
431
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:38,313
Well, hey.
432
00:18:38,434 --> 00:18:39,747
I think
it's going great.
433
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:41,313
What do you think ?
434
00:18:41,434 --> 00:18:42,780
Are you kidding ? I'm
walking all over you.
435
00:18:42,901 --> 00:18:45,012
It isn't a rehearsal.
The cameras are rolling.
436
00:18:45,133 --> 00:18:47,246
Well, maybe I decided
it isn't healthy
437
00:18:47,367 --> 00:18:49,613
for us to be fighting
all the time.
438
00:18:49,734 --> 00:18:52,046
It sounds like you're
just not prepared.
439
00:18:52,167 --> 00:18:55,279
From 1974 to 1994, the
city lost 56,000 jobs
440
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,747
in retail employment, while those
in the suburbs gained 204,000.
441
00:18:57,868 --> 00:19:00,246
Superstores will create
13,000 jobs and generate
442
00:19:00,367 --> 00:19:02,346
more than $100 million
in tax revenue.
443
00:19:02,467 --> 00:19:03,834
But that's
not the point.
444
00:19:05,901 --> 00:19:08,847
I need to know that our
relationship can survive this.
445
00:19:08,968 --> 00:19:10,813
Honey, we always fight.
446
00:19:10,934 --> 00:19:13,413
Not like this,
not in public.
447
00:19:13,534 --> 00:19:15,279
It's not like some
boggle game at home,
448
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,680
where sometimes I win
and sometimes you win.
449
00:19:17,801 --> 00:19:19,680
Mike, you never win.
450
00:19:19,801 --> 00:19:22,946
I just want to know that
you're not gonna end up
451
00:19:23,067 --> 00:19:25,100
a lesbian tennis player
in Rhode island.
452
00:19:26,367 --> 00:19:28,713
Ok, Mike, I'm trying
to follow you here.
453
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:31,246
But all I can say is
that I love the way we are.
454
00:19:31,367 --> 00:19:34,012
I love that we don't
back down from each other.
455
00:19:34,133 --> 00:19:36,813
And I love being with someone
who keeps me on my toes.
456
00:19:36,934 --> 00:19:39,246
I love that you're not
threatened by a strong woman.
457
00:19:39,367 --> 00:19:41,747
And I love that
you believe that.
458
00:19:41,868 --> 00:19:43,346
So, what's
the problem ?
459
00:19:43,467 --> 00:19:45,279
I don't know.
Maybe there isn't one.
460
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:47,079
You're telling me
it wouldn't bother you
461
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:50,279
if I said your pollution
theory was completely specious ?
462
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:51,780
Ooh, a $5 word !
463
00:19:51,901 --> 00:19:54,646
Somebody has been thumbing
through their dictionary.
464
00:19:54,767 --> 00:19:57,380
It is going to be so
much sweeter beating you
465
00:19:57,501 --> 00:19:59,046
now that you're
gonna be trying.
466
00:19:59,167 --> 00:20:01,179
See, therein lies
your problem...
467
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:03,380
beating me
when I'm trying.
468
00:20:03,501 --> 00:20:04,946
Can't be done.
469
00:20:05,067 --> 00:20:06,146
The other day...
470
00:20:06,267 --> 00:20:08,079
I wasn't trying.
471
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,146
When we were skiing...
472
00:20:09,267 --> 00:20:11,179
I felt bad for you
and let you win.
473
00:20:11,300 --> 00:20:13,012
When that red light
goes on,
474
00:20:13,133 --> 00:20:15,413
I'm gonna knock that
smirk right off your face.
475
00:20:15,534 --> 00:20:20,879
Do you have any idea how
sexy you are to me right now ?
476
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,546
I want you so bad.
477
00:20:22,667 --> 00:20:23,613
And we're back.
478
00:20:23,734 --> 00:20:24,613
Oh ! Uh...
479
00:20:24,734 --> 00:20:25,613
ok.
480
00:20:25,734 --> 00:20:28,801
Are you folks ready ?
481
00:20:30,467 --> 00:20:32,346
See, that's what
I'm talking about...
482
00:20:32,467 --> 00:20:35,346
huge plastic containers
filled with malted milkballs
483
00:20:35,467 --> 00:20:37,513
for like, 99 cents.
484
00:20:37,634 --> 00:20:39,146
Uhh !
I can't breathe.
485
00:20:39,267 --> 00:20:41,847
I can't breathe
through my nose.
486
00:20:41,968 --> 00:20:44,346
Oh ! My throat
is so sore,
487
00:20:44,467 --> 00:20:46,734
I can barely breathe
through my mouth.
488
00:20:48,067 --> 00:20:49,834
I'm sicker than you.
489
00:20:51,801 --> 00:20:54,879
Mike, I'm telling you
that my sinuses
490
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,480
are so congested, I feel like
my head is going to explode.
491
00:20:58,601 --> 00:21:00,400
You're lucky.
492
00:21:03,033 --> 00:21:05,480
If I had what you had,
493
00:21:05,601 --> 00:21:08,912
I'd be snapping
my fingers with joy.
494
00:21:09,033 --> 00:21:11,167
But I have
what I have.
495
00:21:13,100 --> 00:21:15,734
So my joints are
so swollen, I can't.
496
00:21:17,100 --> 00:21:18,912
Mike, let's call
a truce.
497
00:21:19,033 --> 00:21:20,179
I love you, honey.
498
00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:22,313
I love you, too.
499
00:21:22,434 --> 00:21:24,246
Don't go kissing me.
500
00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:27,367
Why ? Because
I'm sicker than you ?
501
00:21:35,467 --> 00:21:36,734
I win.
502
00:21:44,968 --> 00:21:46,646
James ?
503
00:21:46,767 --> 00:21:48,100
Nicky ?
504
00:21:49,501 --> 00:21:51,667
James.
505
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,033
Karen ?
506
00:22:10,033 --> 00:22:13,367
I am so sick
of straight people.
507
00:22:15,133 --> 00:22:17,634
Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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