Original subtitles

That would have been madness!

But she figured it out! She is not stupid!

She was telling me that a mayoral sash

or a cassock aren't always necessary to unite two beings.

And that a girl can give herself to the man she's chosen

without a crowd of five hundred to back her up.

l'm sure you share her opinion on that point.

Not exactly!

How can that be?

lt's much better to remain within the norm

and follow the precepts of traditional...morality.

Meaning?

Meaning...

she could marry someone who counts less for her and,

once married, give herself to the man of her choice

with an affair that follows the social norm.

You can tell your friend that.

All the same, she'd have to be sure

that the crumbs will lead to the cake.

The cake's telling you so.

Well then, l'll give her the message.

Marvellous!

l adore this costume.

lt might be wise to rehearse one last time.

Perhaps. l do feel a little nervous.

l'll leave you to work in peace.

Could you tell the other young ladies,

who must be in costume by now, to enter on cue?

All right.

Of course, it's easy for her.

l don't dress up as a Mexican.

Let's rehearse!

Just a second. Let me admire you first.

ln that costume, l see you and another woman at the same time.

Gilberte, if only you'd--

Soon you'll be offering to show me

your bachelor flat like Faradel.

-Faradel has offered you... -No, he hasn't.

Let's get one thing clear: l'll never be your mistress.

But you allow me to be your lover!

Silly man. That's all over now. Let's rehearse.

Let's rehearse.

Remember what l'm symbolizing with ''Primitive Souls''?

Love in the different races.

Again!

-What? -Nothing.

l must cure him of his spying.

Go back to what you were saying before.

Before?

-He claims he's in love. -Talk about love?

-Of course. -But you just forbade me to!

l'm allowing you to now, so...

Just a second. Let me gather my thoughts.

Gilberte, if only you would, for months now l've longed to.

You know, on the day you were married...

-Warmer, warmer. -l never mentioned this to you.

Mention it, please, mention it.

Gilberte, l desire you madly, your pliant body.

l'd make a wonderful little lover,

will you let me?

Yes, l can tell you want that.

How silly, l didn't find that at all unpleasant.

He's gone, that's done the trick.

-Enough now! -l haven't even started.

Come on, let's rehearse!

You were saying that as Mexico l represented...

The last traces of the Redskins.

-You're a young maiden. -l like that idea.

And you love this adventurer fellow

who camps up in the mountains,

the attraction of purity for the rogue.

And you're the rogue.

That's me!

All right, let's start.

ln the Sierra, the night replaces day

You quietly come my way

My heart just flies away

Beneath tall palms, in the aromatic night

My resistance is slight

And your sweet voice takes flight

People tell me

You're cruel without a care

But all l see

ls love beyond compare But l knew it

l saw as we embraced

That your jacket

Now bore a bloody trace

The other man died

Oh, my sweet pride!

ln joy l cried

Oh, ecstasy divine!

l'll build to you a shrine

Your lips brush against mine

With a kiss so sweet

l fear but l submit

And after l taste it

My soul l do forfeit

To this thrill so fleet

Oh, ecstasy divine!

l'll build to you a shrine

Your lips brush against mine

With a kiss so sweet

-Gilberte. -Farewell, Charly.

What a woman!

My blood's boiling. l'll have her.

Faradel.

Faradel, just the chap.

Faradel, l'd like you to lend me your bachelor flat.

l need to arrange a private meeting.

She isn't the kind one can simply summon to a hotel room.

Faradel, a Don Juan such as yourself

must have a small bachelor flat.

But l don't.

l know you do.

l mean, l used to have a bachelor flat.

My lease has been terminated to rent it to some foreigner.

What a bother!

Today's the thirtieth.

Tomorrow, the thirty-first, is the last day.

One day's all l need.

We can manage it!

Be my guest!

You're a true brother and, believe me, l'll treat the place

as if you were receiving your cherished one there.

l'm sure you will!

l'll put myself in your shoes.

Sorry, but l'm afraid l'll be in yours.

That's right. l'll see you later.

This is exhausting. l'm in a state of total excitement.

Did you rehearse well with Gilberte?

l certainly did.

l'd like your advice.

-My advice? -Yes.

l wish to attempt to conquer Mr. Thomson.

l want to get him to marry me.

-Do you know why? -l can guess.

Apparently, all a girl needs to do

is convince him to kiss her on the lips.

That's all?

That's all, but l lack experience.

What must a girl do to get a man to kiss her?

That's a tough one.

lt's harder than you're told

To charm a man who's so very cold

And that's true, you'll grant

When a girl's a mere debutante

But what can you do

When he tries hard to ignore you?

You'd do what you could

To do any good

To that lump of wood

l could act like l'm effete

Now that's quite sweet!

l could act like a naiad

Now that's not bad!

Or perhaps to make a start

l could play a young sweetheart

As a saucy little tyke

Now that l like!

l could wear a suit that's neat

Now that's quite sweet!

To make me look like a lad

Now that's not bad!

Tell me now, what would you say

lf my stocking pulls this way

And shows a patch of skin?

Now there you win!

This is rather grand!

Finding a student who can understand

lt's such a delight

To look good in your teacher's sight

But remember now

l'm just helping, you'll allow

Let's see what you know

Which to me you owe

Repeat anyhow

l'll use a perfume that's discreet

Now that's quite sweet!

Made with myrrh from Old Baghdad

Now that's not bad!

l cover up my bosom

Leaving his eyes to fathom

Cleavage worthy of Vandyke

Now that l like!

Then he'll sweep me off my feet

Now that's quite sweet!

And with a kiss l'll drive him mad

Now that's not bad!

l'll move close temptingly

So when l'm in his arms he'll see

That my body's made for sin

Now there you win!

Good Lord, l really must apologize!

-There's no need! -What came over me?

Oh, do be quiet.

Charly, what are you up to? The ladies are asking for you.

l'll go to them now. l'd quite forgotten.

Did you put him in such a state?

l don't know.

Perhaps l did.

Mr. Thomson seems to be in a very bad mood.

lndeed!

This is no time to seduce him.

Besides, perhaps l no longer need to.

You're not happy, Thomson, my dear fellow?

-No! -You have a problem?

-Yes! -Business?

-No! -Romance?

-Yes! -Perhaps you should give up.

-No! -You're as stubborn as ever.

Yes!

-And talkative with it. Lord! -Go away!

Really!

What's come over you in the last hour or so?

Ah! Thank heavens you're here.

Mr. Thomson has just made an utterly ridiculous comment.

You're the one who must go out, immediately.

You must be crazy, Mr. Thomson.

-l'm sorry. l have my reasons. -What reasons?

l'll tell you when the lady l don't wish to see

has gone ''out''.

As soon as you apologize,

l'll leave you with Gilberte, if she so desires.

Yes, you really must!

Come on, let's hear an apology!

Thank you and au revoir, my friend, for we'll meet again.

l'll put every nubile maiden in the place after him.

Speak, l'm waiting.

lt's not easy!

l'll get straight to the point.

l saw a man kiss you on the lips!

And then?

l don't know what he kissed then.

-ls that any business of yours? -But...

Yes, he's my lover. What is it to you?

Damn it.

The cure is working.

-Feeling better? -No!

Come, come, Eric. Let's have a little chat.

l want to!

lf l understand correctly, you still love me,

or, rather, you love me anew.

l think so too.

You're a man of rigid principles, Eric.

And now l'm a fallen woman, l have a lover.

You must scorn me and cast me aside, you must leave.

Oh! This is terrible.

l desire you even more now that l know

you have a lover, a frolicsome woman.

l now want those lips of yours that l always refused!

-Really. -Be silent. l demand it.

l'm an American.

There you are.

l've been looking for you everywhere.

What's the matter with him?

These Americans are odd people.

You can be having a perfectly pleasant conversation

and all of a sudden, ''good-bye.''

He should leave for good.

-Why? -Because he's a pest.

He's a foreigner, he doesn't realize.

Have you signed your partnership agreement?

Not yet.

Then don't!

Oh, very funny, l'd be turning down an absolute fortune.

Do we need so much money to be happy?

You desire

Many things to acquire

You'd buy me

The finest jewellery

Everything

Fur coats, a diamond ring

But, my dear

l don't need that l fear

Love, it's true

Needs just enough for two

Happiness

ls romance, nothing less

After all

Why seek out a windfall

For indeed

There's not a lot we need

We don't need a lot

Really not a lot

Just to be content

With love's kind assent

A meal that's frugal but palatable

As the saying goes, it's delectable

We don't need a lot

Really not a lot

A nice, narrow bed

With a thick bedspread

lf the bed is small, we'll still be comfortable

Not a lot

Really not We're pleased with our lot

As you say

To be in love today

We don't need a lot

Really not a lot

Just to be content

With love's kind assent

lnstead of lunch

l'll feed on your sweet caress

That will satisfy us more than hot bouillabaisse

We don't need a lot

Really not a lot

This year it's likely

Coal will be costly

We'll stay abed warmed by our own tenderness

Not a lot

Really not

We're pleased with our lot

That's agreed then, you'll send Thomson packing.

Not on your life!

What if l told you he'd been courting me?

l'd say it was a good thing.

lt could make him more flexible on the contract.

Really!

What?

You're not likely to take him as your lover, are you now?

Georges, you're too sure of yourself.

Or just sure of you.

So you're not at all jealous?

Absolutely not!

There's no love without jealousy.

Only if you're mad, which l'm not.

Oh, no, you're far too calm for that.

You're a real noodle.

Yes.

l'd rather leave. You exasperate me.

Having one husband who kicks up a fuss when you don't love him

and another who doesn't when you do,

well, it's frightful.

How can a woman tell which way to turn?

Women.

Honestly, Gilberte.

Monsieur Thomson, you must pay a forfeit.

-What? -You wagered, you lost.

-Oh, yes? -You owe us a forfeit.

We ask anything that we want of you.

And what do you want?

A kiss on the lips.

Oh! Never.

People say they love kissing

But it's not exciting

l find it disgusting

Don't think that l'm cold as ice

But l don't think it's nice

Like some unpleasant vice

l don't know any miss

Whom l'd let steal a kiss

Please leave my lips on the shelf

l keep them to myself

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Not on the lips!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

My stomach flips

Not on the lips

His stomach flips!

My lips are made for talking

Not for kissing

Just a kiss!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Just a kiss!

Not on the lips!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Hands off my hips

Not on the lips

Elsewhere is fine

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

These lips are only mine

Up there on the silver screen

Kisses can be seen

ln every other scene

On the screen, their lips are glued

ln a kiss they ne'er conclude

As the public shares the mood

Well, l can't say l'm keen

What happened to hygiene?

lt's to me my germs belong

l won't pass them along

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Not on the lips!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

My stomach flips

Not on the lips

His stomach flips!

My lips are made for talking

Not for kissing

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Not on the lips!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Hands off my hips

Not on the lips

Elsewhere is fine

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

Just a kiss! Just a kiss!

These lips are only mine

These young French women.

They're even more of a handful

than their American counterparts.

l'm glad to see you.

Why?

Sit down, my friend.

You must throw this Charly fellow out.

Really? Why?

He's always lurking around your wife!

Keep an eye on him!

l have absolutely nothing to fear there.

l am mathematically ensured of Gilberte's fidelity.

My theory is irrefutable. Let me tell you:

a woman belongs to the first man who possesses her,

as long as he's neither a brute nor a clumsy idiot.

She is his and will necessarily return to him,

even if life parts them.

She is marked by the indelible imprint

of the man who reveals her to herself.

Yes, like a developer in photography.

That's why l fear nothing.

l was the first in Gilberte's case.

You were first?

Quite obviously

and l believe l've been an excellent developer.

You don't say, a developer and fixative.

l mention you and you happen by

Would you like to tell me why?

He was saying that he adored you, see

That's no secret, we agree

Why do you tell him with such glee?

Before the bomb blows we should flee

He can say it again, l decree

-That l took your virginity! -What did you say?

-Hey-hey! -Don't say it so

-Hey-ho! -That's not the way!

Hey-hey! That's not the way!

He says when you became his wife

He was the first, the first man in your life

Yes, l'm number one

Next to none

And yet l am too

Oh, says who?

Oh, what can you do? When you're number two!

For straight off you see

-Good old number three -But we're not talking of me

That's just what we say

Say, say, what do we say?

After two there's three!

lt must be

lt can't be done With three in the queue!

There's one too many

After two, there's three!

lt's no fun being the second

He's so very old-fashioned

lf you're numbers one and three

That can really never be

All these numbers, it's quite crazy!

Marriage is a lottery, you see

A lottery l once tried for free

While l had a winning spree

-What did you say? -Hey-hey!

-Don't say it so -Hey-ho!

-That's not the way! -Hey-hey! That's not the way!

He says when you became his wife

He was the first, the first man in your life

Yes, l'm number one

Next to none

And yet l am too

Oh, says who?

Oh, what can you do? When you're number two!

For straight off you see

Good old number three

-That's just what we say -Say, say, what do we say?

After two there's three!

lt must be

lt can't be done With three in the queue!

There's one too many After two, there's three!

When your love is true

ls this the same old song?

-The same old song! -He's insisting and he's wrong!

You know what's done is done And my love you have won

The man who's number one Can the others outrun

l know what's done is done And your love l have won

The man who's number one Can the others outrun

-Oh really, for Heaven's sake -Why for Heaven's sake?

-You expose my life like a rake? -Oh no, he's not a rake

-l feel my very marrow shake! -That's a big mistake

-My nerves are all a-quake -Some ether she should take

l don't feel so odd

-God! -What now, dear God?

lt's nerves, you can tell

-As clear as a bell -No need for eau-de-vie!

As we can all see

-l'm as good as new -She's as good as new

She's as good as new

But what's this to-do

-She's uneasy too -What is it?

-Do l misconstrue -What is it?

-lt's so impromptu! -What is it?

-He looks right through you -Really, what can l do?

-lt's as if he knew -She's interrupting me too!

His suspicions accrue l shudder anew

While he sticks like glue After my virtue!

Yes, l'm number one

l'm second to none

But what would l do

Were l number two?

For what can ensue lf you're second too

l bore his name, too After all, it's true

Yes, l'm number one

l'm second to none

But what would l do Were l number two?

For straight off you see Good old number three

That's the conclusion

To the whole question!

By the way, where is your bachelor flat exactly?

lt's very easy to find.

Make your way

To Quai Malaquais

Twenty-three

That's where you'll find me

ln the yard turn to your left

lt's the door without a cleft

You can't get it wrong The framing shop is next along

Make your way

To Quai Malaquais

There you meet

No one on the street

But for a scholar or two

Though they'll never bother you

They just care for books

And they will never give you looks

Refusing second-best, l suggest

The perfect spot for our little love-nest

Meet me tomorrow

And you'll know

Fiery passion nothing less

This is the address

Make your way

To Quai Malaquais

Twenty-three

That's where you'll find me

ln the yard turn to your left

lt's the door without a cleft

You can't get it wrong The framing shop is next along

l say nay

The Quai Malaquais

Along that way

l shall never stray

You must be quite mad, dear boy You can't treat me as your toy

And so you will stay

Alone on your quai

l've just received the keys lf you please

For a flat where l can take my ease

Much better than an hotel

lt'll be swell

Tell me now where it is found And l shall call round

Make your way

To Quai Malaquais

Twenty-three

That's where you'll find me

ln the yard turn to your left

lt's the door without a cleft

You can't get it wrong The framing shop is next along

All the way

To Quai Malaquais

There you meet

No one on the street

But for a scholar or two

Though they'll never bother you

They just care for books

And they will never give you looks

Here l am with my love-nest What a pest

But l know a way to put it to the test

Tomorrow for high tea l'll be free

Really, it's a rendezvous

Where will l find you?

Make your way

To Quai Malaquais

Twenty-three

That's where you'll find me

ln the yard turn to your left

lt's the door without a cleft

You can't get it wrong The framing shop is next along

Ah l say

The Quai Malaquais

ln a trice

lt's like paradise

Charly, you're a charming boy

l shall meet you there with joy

Crossing the doormat

Of a young man's flat

l have just received the papers from America

for our partnership contract.

Thank you.

You were once married?

To a Mademoiselle Poumaillac?

Fancy! How odd.

Perhaps she was related to Gilberte.

l don't know!

What about you, Gilberte?

Perhaps you know this Mademoiselle Poumaillac,

who was married to Monsieur Thomson?

Lord, no!

Why do you look so grim?

What do you imagine?

There's more than one Poumaillac

There are many Poumaillacs near Bergerac

Focus your attention

Oh, l feel quite sick

Yes, l see the situation

Could well be a trick

To calm down his emotion

Be diplomatic

We must try it all

But we must stand tall

Let's avoid every pitfall!

l'm a girl called Poumaillac

Here's another Poumaillac

Now there's a third Poumaillac

First there's number one

Who is next to none

Then there's number two So what can you do?

The next has to be Number three

lt's accidental

But it's natural

And you have to say There's no other way

Since it has to be After two comes three!

But what's this to-do She's uneasy too

l feel that my question Must lack precision

-He looks right through you -What is the reason

-He seeks the reason -For this combination

His suspicions accrue l shudder anew

Does he have a clue What he's going to do?

l am number one

But the boss never knew Of the old issue

l'm in the stew

And the peace here to ls losing its value

She bore my name too After all it's true

-l am number one -l see number one

And second to none

What is she to do lf she's number two

He mustn't think she ls now number three

lt's only natural, you see After two comes three

And how true will it be?

After two comes three!

AND THlS ENDS ON MONDAY AT 5:00 lN THE AFTERNOON.

Madame Janitor?

That's me!

-Ah! You're here for the flat! -That's right!

Ah! l recall now.

You're the new tenant, Monsieur Thomson.

-l am! -And you've come to move in?

l've come!

Surely you don't want to move in now?

-l do! -That's not possible, sir.

Your lease doesn't begin until tomorrow.

l'll pay!

The former tenant hasn't moved his personal belongings out yet.

l'll pay.

You're buying the furnishings and the carpets,

but that doesn't give you the right

to move in on the 31st instead of the 1st.

l'll pay!

Ah! You mean you'll pay compensation for the extra day.

l do mean.

You don't say a great deal, sir, but you're easy to understand.

Let me see, eight thousand

for the carpets and furnishings...

five thousand for the lease, paid in advance,

and one hundred and fifty for the extra day.

l'll give it to you.

-Thirteen thousand two hundred. -That's right.

l'll bring you fifty francs change.

Keep it.

Thank you, sir.

True, with the dollar so strong,

that's barely ten francs for you.

Thank you anyway.

l'll give you your receipt later.

l used to clean for the previous tenant.

May l hope that Monsieur...

l'm asking you to go out and stay out for a long time.

Very well, Monsieur.

Oh, l forgot to tell you my name.

l'm Madame Foin.

Widow Foin.

My husband, the late Monsieur Foin...

Get the hell...

-Get the hell... -Hell out.

Thank you. Yes, get the hell out.

You speak French very well.

lt's a true pleasure talking to you.

All right, Monsieur, all right, l'll see you later.

What a pleasant surprise!

Not very well, but thank you for asking!

You seem rather upset.

-l couldn't sleep all night. -Why?

l was mulling over a lot of things.

That's bad. Sleep is sleep and business is business.

l remembered the address of the flat you'd found.

-l'll get straight to the point. -That's always best.

Thomson, tell me the truth. Were you married to Gilberte?

Since that scene yesterday, a lot has come back to me.

Gilberte's awkwardness when l found out

you had been married to a Mademoiselle Poumaillac.

Then l remembered

she travelled to America a few years ago.

This morning, a lawyer told me that a wedding abroad

that isn't officialised by the consul

doesn't count in the eyes of French law.

And so, when l married her, from a French legal viewpoint,

she was still Mademoiselle Poumaillac.

-Answer me, Thomson. ls it true? -You seem very excited indeed.

You have to clear my doubts. Answer me.

l have nothing to say.

That's tantamount to a confession,

if you won't say anything.

That means you have something to say.

Not at all. l speak good French.

ln America, it means l'm not interested,

let's change the subject.

Try to understand.

Thomson, please, tell me the truth.

The truth is that partners must discuss business.

What do you think of this morning's steel price?

Ah! You Americans are quite extraordinary!

ln America, you think you're all so smart

You believe no one attains your state of art

You gaze in proud shock

At any tower block

But they don't have the power Of our Eiffel Tower

You're the kings and say so ad nauseam

The kings of iron and the Grand Coulee Dam

The kings of combustion

The kings of emulsion

And the emperors of Virginia ham

We have pigs here too, cowboy, Old boy!

But they are far from coy, Old boy!

When we have fun, we don't hide

And love here is a source of pride

You drink vitriol over there

We drink wine without a care

For you, love's a mere ploy, Old boy!

Over here, it's full of joy, Old boy!

We do it best from Paris to Hanoi

We're the best at that employ

There you'll never take the lead, old boy!

l think you're very excited.

So l'll forgive you.

You still won't answer?

You can have a secret that isn't yours alone.

Come back in an hour. l'm sure to speak then.

All right.

Meanwhile, go for a run.

lt's very good to drain the blood down to your feet.

Yes, l feel...l need it... my head is heavy.

His head is heavy because he has something on his mind.

See you in an hour.

-Madame Janitor! -Here l am.

So quickly. Were you behind the door?

l'm always ready to oblige.

Get me port, whisky, soda and cakes.

l'll be in there working. l'm expecting a lady

and l don't want to be disturbed.

Very well, sir.

This is the place!

Most pleasant!

Monsieur Faradel.

Monsieur is here for his things?

Later.

There's plenty of time until midday tomorrow.

lndeed, but the new tenant has already brought his things.

Since he paid me to move in, l thought he could.

Well, he's moved his things in there, to the left-hand room.

The rest is free.

That's something!

Monsieur was here so rarely.

All right, Madame Foin, now you mustn't let anyone in,

except a lady.

Who will ask for Monsieur Charly here...

Monsieur isn't...?

No, l am.

Charly. Will you remember?

Charly.

He's a sweet boy. l love that.

There.

lt feels as if it's all for me.

You'll find the plates in the small dresser with the glasses.

Perfect!

And is she pretty?

Delightful.

You lucky devil. The bedroom's through here.

l'll find it, don't worry.

l won't keep you any longer. And thank you.

At least this place will have come in useful for once.

Let's decorate the chapel and prepare the shrine.

Monsieur Charly will be with you right away.

Such a nice young man.

lt's easy to see how he could drive a woman wild.

But, you know, you have nothing to fear with me.

lf ever your husband turns up, l won't let him in.

My husband.

Talk of the devil.

There's nothing you lovebirds need?

-No. -All right. Have fun.

Oh, l love this.

Hello, Huguette!

Hello, Charly.

What are you going to think of me?

l'll tell you afterwards.

What?

You're shocked now!

Believe me.

The most audacious people are often the shyest.

-l feel a bit scared. Really!

Do you promise to be reasonable?

How odd. You sound just like a married woman.

So this is what they call a bachelor flat?

That's right.

-A drop of port? -l'd love some.

lt always begins with a drop of port.

And then moves on to, ''Take off your hat.''

l can manage that.

And then, ''Take off your dress.''

Oh no!

-Modest? -Yes!

Forgive me, l'm rushing.

Oh! Charly.

l feel so awkward because l love you.

l promise you, nothing is going to happen.

l don't believe you. l'd rather leave right now.

Farewell, then.

People kiss when they say farewell.

Yes.

Huguette!

l'm leaving.

All right. The door's through here.

When you're spying through a hole

Through a hole

You lose all self-control

Through the keyhole of a door

When you're spying through a hole

Through a hole

You learn and find out more

For through a hole

For through a hole, things look so droll

Well, for now, they don't seem so hot

The poor lass has no experience

But that boy, he knows what's what

He was showing her his influence

lt's twenty years since l saw it last, Lord

lt seemed so vast

When you're spying through a hole

Through a hole

You learn and find out more

For through a hole, things look so droll

When you're spying through a hole

Through a hole

For through a hole, things look so droll

Through a hole

You learn and find out more

End

Just next to the framing shop.

This is Monsieur Thomson's residence?

Yes, Madame.

Mademoiselle.

Oh! Sorry, l couldn't have known.

ls Monsieur Thomson in?

l don't know. He said he was only at home for a lady.

Well?

There are two of you!

lt's the same thing!

Well...

These Yankees are an energetic lot.

l'm rather pleased to see a bachelor flat, it's amusing.

Exciting, too.

The place is simply fragrant with love.

Really, Arlette, love is all you seem to think about.

l can only find it here, so let me hold onto it.

l'm not here for fun. l asked her along

as soon as l got Thomson's note fixing a rendezvous here.

Apparently, he has something to tell me

that cannot be said at my husband's home.

Do you have any idea what he wants to tell me?

No...but in any case, he has acted like a true gentleman.

He kept his word.

ln fact, he held it back, which is even more difficult.

You must ask Thomson to return to America immediately.

That's exactly why l'm here.

You have a chaperone?

A lady doesn't usually call on a single gentleman

alone in France.

But it happens all the same.

l suppose you've nothing to say to my sister that l can't hear.

On the contrary.

Ah, Madame Janitor has bought the port.

A drop of port, Mademoiselle Poumaillac?

l'd love some.

You may have some biscuits, too.

Gladly.

Well, my friend, l'm waiting to hear this serious news of yours.

All right.

Your husband said something that struck me yesterday.

He said, ''A woman belongs forever

to the man who first visited her.''

And, Gilberte, your first visitor was me!

-Pardon? -She's not a museum.

He added, ''She is bound to return to him,

even if life parts them.''

Now you're here, l'm glad and we'll be very happy.

-You don't waste time! -l'm American.

Surely you don't want me to become your mistress?

Certainly not!

You divorce Valandray and you marry me.

Valandray doesn't count, he's dust, gone.

l'm going to tell him everything.

No, you're not!

l am, but l wanted to warn you first.

So you're going to tell him,

''l was first, hand back the goods.''

Exactly. Gilberte, you're my fianc�e, l'm so excited.

Sorry, but you're forgetting l have a lover.

You'll need his permission.

Charly's not your lover. He's just your sweetheart.

-You think so? -l know so.

lf l'd thought that he was your lover,

l wouldn't have told you to become my wife again.

He's ready to be third, but definitely not fourth.

No, no, no and four times no!

Yes, yes, yes, yes, four times yes.

This American's a real mule.

Monsieur.

No need, Madame Janitor, name no names, l know.

Ladies, would you be kind enough to step into the next room?

l still have a lot to tell you, and l have someone to see first,

so l'll tell you after.

He wants to lock us away.

Just like Bluebeard.

lt's Monsieur Valandray, isn't it?

No, Monsieur, l've just brought you your receipt!

These Americans have some very odd manners.

l forgot the bottle of port. l need it now.

The level's dropped.

Charly.

Gilberte!

You remembered our rendezvous at Quai Malaquais?

ls this your bachelor flat?

Yes!

And you were expecting me?

Yes!

Really! How comical.

Why?

And very handy too!

l don't think so!

Charly, you're my saviour.

But the other one's waiting next door.

Come here. Charly, my darling.

Yes.

Monsieur Thomson.

You refuse to believe that Charly's my lover?

What's the matter? l have to take you by force?

ls this the latest fashion?

Nowadays nothing does amaze

And nothing ever stops you

Feelings have no pride of place

Courting's not a thing to do

And love never leaves a trace

Good day; good night

After love, they both take fright

Good night, good day

Feelings never get in the way

All those pretty words Spoken by lovebirds

Are dead and gone

Seeing as bliss Just a simple kiss

ls a bygone

Good day, good night

When it's over, they're just polite

Good night, good day

Gallantry's gone the same way

You're so cold, Charly.

-Not at all. -Do you still love me?

Yes, Gilberte, l love you!

-Say it louder. -lt's just that...

Shout it out...like me!

ls he ever going to come back?

How am l going to get out of this?

And take me in your arms.

Hurry! Charly, Charly!

Gilberte, here?

Georges, believe me.

Be silent!

Monsieur Valandray, it's a mistake!

You, be gone.

Unless you want me to grind your bones to dust.

Let me explain.

Not a word, go and get dressed first.

Georges, it's not what you think.

lt's not what l think? That's brilliant.

l find you with some fellow in his pyjamas

and it's not what l think!

Tell me what's going on.

-Just tell me! -You're hurting me!

l love it when he's like this.

Good Heavens! Georges, what are you doing?

l can see it all clearly now.

Arlette, l see things clearly at last.

l've just caught Gilberte here with Charly in his pyjamas!

He really is her lover.

l don't need to hear Thomson. l know where l stand.

l'm a cuckold, because l'm not the first.

The Mademoiselle Poumaillac that Thomson married

was Gilberte!

No, she wasn't!

That's not true...not at all.

The Mademoiselle Poumaillac that Thomson married was me.

You would have said so earlier!

No, l couldn't. lt was a big secret between us.

lsn't that right, Eric?

He made me suffer. l wanted to forget him.

Come on, tell the truth, Sam.

You were the one who hurt me.

l adored the man, but it's all over now.

My sister is wonderful.

Were you really married to Mademoiselle Poumaillac?

Go on, answer, Sam.

l'll release you from your vow of secrecy.

There's one simple way to convince me.

Come along. Appease me.

Make up and kiss in front of me.

lf he made you suffer, that means you still love him.

Come along. A kiss of reconciliation.

Yes, Arlette, forgive him.

Do it for me.

-You have to. -Thomson, be a man.

Sam.

She kissed my lips!

Do you believe me now?

Yes...but Charly...

l'll explain, but let's leave them.

We're in the way.

l merely came along to accompany my sister.

Oh, Sam!

What have you done?

lt was you, l think.

Our lips met as they were trying to avoid each other.

You're stirring the very marrow of my bones.

l hadn't felt such an emotion since my teacher.

Sam.

At last l know the sweet intoxication!

Of what?

The intoxication of love's first kiss!

Yet l hardly dare to feel that l care

Dare

lt overcomes me when l feel such bliss!

Though my little heart is full of fear

Dear

Yet it starts to fill with glee

''Ga-lee''?

l understand imperfectly

But l sense it so completely

Oh, Sam!

Do it once again, please

Oh, Sam!

You can be such a tease

l feel l've been swept away

lt's as if today's my birthday

My toes are curling and my heart is pounding

Oh, Sam!

You're simply irresistible

Oh, Sam!

lt seems almost impossible!

The stars around me spangle

And my nerves are a-jangle

Cupid's aim is well and truly infallible!

You'll be the first to have your way

That's something l have done

For l'm always number one

Oh, Sam!

You're simply irresistible

Oh, Sam!

lt seems almost impossible!

The stars around me spangle

And my nerves are a-jangle

Cupid's aim is well and truly infallible!

l still can't understand why Charly was in his pyjamas.

Well, neither can l.

-Oh, sorry! -Drat.

Ah well, too bad.

Everything's becoming clear now.

He was here for Huguette.

-My flat's quite crowded. -But...

What do you mean, your flat?

Yes, this is my bachelor flat.

lt's mine, l paid for it!

And we've just celebrated our engagement here!

-A little early! -Hush!

-And to consolidate a marriage-- -That was coming apart!

And rebuilt one that had been destroyed.

Lord! What have they been up to in here?!

What a shock!

Drat! Here l go again.

All's well...

that end's well!

Will you say now you're on your feet

Now, that was sweet!

There's nothing more to add

Now that's not bad

Our songs were pleasant for you

And we're happy doing what we do

So we'll carry on alike

Now that we like

You're not yet on your feet

Now that's quite sweet

At the finale, you feel sad

Now that's not bad

lf you feel you do belong

Why don't you sing along?

We can all dive right back in

So let's begin

Will you say now you're on your feet

Now, that was sweet!

There's nothing more to add

Now that's not bad

Our songs were pleasant for you

And we're happy doing what we do

So we'll carry on alike

Now that we like

You're not yet on your feet

Now that's quite sweet

At the finale, you feel sad

Now that's not bad

lf you feel you do belong

Why don't you sing along?

We can all dive right back in

So let's begin