Original subtitles

Path� is proud to distribute...

and Arena Films is proud to present

a movie with sound, speech and song,

with Mesdemoiselles

Sabine Az�ma,

lsabelle Nanty,

Audrey Tautou,

and Messieurs

Pierre Arditi,

Darry Cowl,

Jalil Lespert,

Daniel Pr�vost,

and Lambert Wilson

in an operetta by Andr� Barde and Maurice Yvain...

''Not on the lips.''

THlS BEGlNS ONE AFTERNOON lN AUTUMN, 1925...

MADAME GEORGES VALANDRAY WlLL RECElVE GUESTS AT HER HOME

ON TUESDAY, OCTOBER 20. TEA, PORT, BRlDGE.

Oh, when the lady of the house

Shows no nous

And when you come to call she's out and about

Although she asked us with such glee

Here for tea

Lord, how forgetful she can be!

So how on earth can one save face in that case

And what to do for Heaven's sakes with these cakes,

The wonders set for today's spree

That we see

Pride of Battenberg and Dundee?

Gilberte's forgotten us today

l think Gilberte could not care less

Or perhaps love's gotten in the way

She has a man somewhere, l guess

ls it Faradel or Charly

She meets at a hotel?

No, Faradel is too ugly

That poor man, Faradel

Ah ha, l see

You're talking of me

l can't say l'm sad

lf your thoughts are bad

'Bout a man who's here

You call him your dear

lf a chap is here

You call him your dear

Some people say

lf a chap's away

He's fair game for sport

And he'll know not aught

lt may seem like spite

But they are quite right

lt may seem like spite

But they are quite right

Such maladresse

From today's hostess

ls ripe for attack

Getting our own back

What can she expect

After such neglect?

What can she expect after such neglect?

When you criticize her

Make sure you take care

That despite your hauteur

You've a pleasant air

And that your slightest slur

Seems like praise foursquare

Play it grand, make a stand, keep it underhand

When you criticize her

Make sure you take care

That despite your hauteur

You've a pleasant air

And that your slightest slur

Seems like praise foursquare

Pull in your claws and purr

Smile before you glare

-But now let us take tea -Let's take tea

-Let us serve up the torte -And the port

l'll keep the macaroons as round as full moons

And the chocolate creams

That fill up my dreams

Guess what l have just seen

Oh, what can he have seen?

Such great bargains and buys

Where can one find such buys?

-And at all the counters -But where are the counters?

-And on every shelf -Tell us, where is that shelf?

Down at Selfbury and Co.

There a-shopping we'll go for satin and pure silk

And fabrics of that ilk

For fine, bright bengaline and for light mousseline

We ladies can't be blind to bargains of that kind

Down at Selfbury and Co.

There a-shopping we'll go for lace and organdie

Bright madras and paisley Shimmering gold brocade

And bombazine with braid And nice, warm astrakhan

And next summer's gingham

Down at Selfbury and Co.

There a-shopping we'll go for the warmest cashmere

That we all hold so dear

Pongee and messaline

Tartan and velveteen

For mohair and nankeen

And for lustrous sateen

On offer just today

Dear Gilberte is away

-So you may as well go -So we may as well go

Without letting her know

And we'll just sneak out

When the lady of the house shows no nous

And when you come to call she's out and about

Although she asked us with such glee

Here for tea

Lord, how forgetful she can be!

Forgetful she can be!

So how on earth can one save face in that case

And what to do for Heaven's sakes with these cakes

The wonders set for today's spree that we see

Pride of Battenberg and Dundee?

-They've all gone, as you see -So we see!

-And so now you can flee -Let us flee!

Let's be gone Far from this salon

And so be gone!

There are no bargains at Selfbury and Co.

l bargained on the bargains

to rid myself of that little chorus line.

Now that we're alone together, let's carry on.

Good afternoon, Mademoiselle. How are you today?

What do you care, Faradel?

Everyone knows that you're not interested in young girls!

Here you are, teasing me already!

Are you here without Madame Verberie?

Of course. Mother goes her way and l go mine.

She knows that l'm perfectly capable of defending myself.

And even attacking.

Dear Faradel, don't pester me, you won't have the last word.

Nor should l want to.

The last word with you is, ''Marry me!''

Marry you?

Heavens, no!

We all know Faradel's speciality:

you take aim at married women and miss.

l beg your pardon.

Oh, come on, aren't you here hoping

to woo the beautiful Gilberte Valandray?

She's in your sights.

Bang, bang!

Missed!

Know why you'll miss her?

Because you're out of date, my poor Faradel.

Out of date?

Yes. You woo them by attending to their every need,

by sending gifts and, above all, by running errands.

Faradel, alias the taxi!

Well!

Well, that's all out of date.

lt's simply not done, everyone knows that.

Such experience in one so young!

You think young women are still like they were

in my grandmother's day and age.

Don't deny it!

l recall how in a pretty gown

A shy, young girl could turn me upside-down

Flirting held me in its thrall

At a debs' ball!

l like a different style

lt may seem futile

But it makes me smile

l like to go skating

Drink in bars, go dancing

Who cares if it's shocking!

l love the dances of my great aunt's day

Partners held hands in a distant way

l like a different style

lt may seem futile

But it makes me smile

l have the feeling Madame Valandray has forgotten

that she was supposed to be at home for friends today.

There's no need to stand on ceremony with friends.

Besides, Gilberte is a whirlwind,

and a whirlwind doesn't run to a fixed schedule.

Her sister, Mademoiselle Poumaillac,

is more like a whirlwind!

Mademoiselle Poumaillac is a tornado.

l've never known such a turbulent spinster.

Perhaps that's what makes her turbulent.

Ah! That's Mademoiselle Poumaillac.

So l hear.

...and this for the laundry room.

How are you, my dear?

lt's lovely to see you.

How's your mother?

l've left the large parcels in the motor.

Send the man down for them.

Good old Faradel!

Ever loyal...ever precise...

-What have you brought us? -l called to...

My dear, those department stores...

l was only there for an hour but l'm absolutely exhausted.

Guess whom l just met on the Boulevard Haussmann.

P�lissot! The man's the ghost of himself.

He looks a hundred.

His mistress has just left him.

l saw a darling little slip on Rue de la Paix.

Did he catch her in ''flagrante delicto''?

With ribbons along the hem and a lovely cut.

She was a little minx. Darling, absolutely darling.

But you haven't had tea...

We have, we have.

Honestly, why isn't Gilberte here for her at home?

Her mind's never on what she's doing.

Pour me a drop of port.

l take port at tea, it's less debilitating.

-You have an iron constitution! -No, l'm less and less active.

l feel absolutely wiped out.

All right, Faradel, l'm listening now.

l called to bring tickets for a box, tomorrow evening.

At which theatre?

The Cornmarket.

lsn't it in an old joiner's workshop

out beyond the Bastille Square?

That's the place, the audience sits on benches and,

in crepuscular light,

the actors, without sets or costumes,

recite medieval mystery plays in the original Old French.

lt's original, all right.

No one can understand a word. lt's all the rage.

Most interesting. l'm sure we shan't miss it,

but l believe my sister plans to attend tomorrow's premiere

of Ratamu Pataga.

Ratamu Pataga. What is that?

You're the last to hear about anything, Huguette.

lt's the opening night for the Lapland ballet.

The leading dancer is a seal.

Everyone who's anyone will be there tomorrow!

Madame Valandray has tickets?

l believe not.

May l hurry and get you a box, if there are any left?

-Don't go to the trouble. -l'd be delighted.

l'll be right back.

What a charming fellow, always ready to oblige.

-Unusual for a taxi! -A taxi?

l call him the taxi because he's always running errands.

You little minx.

l always speak my mind.

How unwise of you. lf you're that demanding,

you'll never find a husband.

l already have!

Actually, l've chosen him but he doesn't know.

You secretive little madam!

l'm here to seek your support!

l'm all ears, my dear. Who is it?

Charly!

Which Charly?

Charles Brunner, the one we all call Charly.

-You must be mad! -l am, mad about him!

He doesn't have a situation.

What? He's the head of a school.

Oh, yes, the chief competitor of the dada school,

the cubisto-cuneiform school, known as coocoo for short.

Surely you don't plan to set up house on income

from the coocoo school?

l have enough money for two!

Well, he is a very sweet boy.

l was simply exposing the rational objections,

but l have nothing against cubism...

and l love to handle matters of love.

-That's quite rare for a... -Stop.

You were going to say for an old maid.

l hate that term. Firstly, l'm not old...

and if l'm still a maid, it's against my will.

But enough of that.

l'll talk to Charly for you, l promise.

Without naming me.

l can imagine...

Here's my sister at last.

Yes, Juliette, you're late

and l can't abide people who are late.

She's the one accusing others of being late now.

Hello, Huguette!

Where the devil have you been?

l was just at the Spherists' exhibition,

the Supercubists... very crowded.

You could have let me know.

l called you, but you had already left.

Charly took me.

ls Charly well?

He saw me all the way home.

He could have come up, the ill-mannered little lout!

He had an urgent appointment, with some floozy, l think.

Are you leaving because of me?

No, because of the floozy.

No. l left mother in limbo at the seamstress's.

We're expecting you for dinner tonight.

l know. See you later, Gilberte.

You won't forget?

You can count on me.

What a way to receive your guests.

lf l hadn't been here...

lt completely slipped my mind.

Were there many of the usual bores here today?

Just Huguette Verberie and Faradel.

-Faradel gets on my nerves. -Why?

Because he keeps suggesting a rendezvous.

What about Charly, your other admirer?

Now he's much more respectful.

He simply suggests his friend's opium den.

That's the same thing.

l'd like admirers who remain admirers.

l have no desire to make them my lovers.

Why take on a lover

lt's a bother

l don't need the worry

l'm not sorry

But flirting has no importance

That way you keep your distance

l have two suitors, true

But l could never choose between the two

Since l don't wish to pick sides

lt's my husband who decides

He's the one through and through

With whom my heart resides

l'd love my husband so, as a lover, you see

l so like to think he could be

And at night

When he comes

To nestle

By my side

l hide those feelings deep, deep inside

Dreaming of those times when we make love

l cheat against my will

l may cheat but l'm his far and above

And l feel such a heady thrill

l'd love my husband

So, as a lover, you see

Tenderly, ardently, so madly

Now you're quibbling.

Well, l love my husband.

-He's enough for me! -Right.

Valandray's a good man,

much better than your first husband, Eric Thomson.

Really, Arlette, do you have to mention him?

Let sleeping dogs lie!

Didn't you love Mr. Thomson?

No!

Why did you marry him, then?

l was curious.

We were in America and that American intrigued me,

like a wild animal to be tamed.

lt isn't wise to train someone that way in matters of love.

Poor Thomson!

What's become of him?

Still no news?

Really. lf ever my present husband were to find out--

That's right, he has his own particular ideas about marriage!

He wants to be a trailblazer.

Some people prefer to dwell in new apartments!

Luckily, she forgot to have the marriage authenticated

under French law by our consul in Chicago.

Without whom, l'd never have become Madame Valandray.

And that would have been a pity.

Your husband's quite charming!

Yes, he leaves me totally free

and indulges my every whim.

-How's his business doing? -Wonderfully!

The metal works are booming

and he's on the verge of signing a marvellous deal.

The dressmaker has just sent a dress round.

Good, put it in my room.

My dress for tonight's dinner party.

l have to write a note for Huguette.

She wants to marry.

-So young? -She's in love.

l thought she was more modern than that.

With Charly.

Really! Poaching on my territory!

She had no idea she was trespassing.

She can have that small fry. l prefer bigger game.

Young Charly? Small fry?

More of a little monkey, l'd say.

l must write to the boy.

''My dear Charly...

''l'm very curious...

about Spherist art.''

lt's you, Georges!

ls Gilberte home yet?

She's in her room, trying on a new dress.

A serious undertaking that mustn't be disturbed.

Here we are.

lt wasn't easy, believe me.

Hello.

Hello, Faradel. You seem rather agitated.

-Not at all. -Yes, you do!

-What's the matter? -Nothing, old chap.

l just popped in to say hello.

l've heard that before.

Those words never quite mean what they say.

So there you are slaving away

Like each day

Without one minute to waste

ln true haste

When you have the sudden visit

So be it

Of an unwelcome twit

He doesn't see from your ruddy blush

You're in a rush

He says as with an air so sweet

He takes as seat

l just popped in to say hello

To see how you are in life's mad whirl

My youngest girl

Such a pearl

Has learnt to stitch and sew

Top of her class, you know

l just popped in to say hello

And there he stays on as you glower

Hour by hour

Like a cold shower

He just popped in to say hello

You'll be two long months away

People say

But you hurry home in a blur

Earlier

As a surprise in this life

Of harsh strife

For your dear wife

She's in bed on a sunny day

But she's at play With your best friend

lt's so risqu�

You hear him say

l just popped in to say hello

And then you lash out like a thug

At the mug

Of that poor fellow

Who just popped in to say hello

Why all the song and dance?

Do you suppose that one day, l, in a bed with your wife--

lt's what you desire, but it will never happen.

l'll leave you...

No, please, stay, l insist.

Faradel, you're courting my wife.

-l protest! -Don't get carried away.

You court her and yet l'm not jealous.

Do you know why, Faradel?

How can l possibly answer such an absurd question?

Because you trust Gilberte.

True.

But because that trust is based on scientific facts.

Scientific fidelity? What do you mean by that?

l could never marry a widow or a divorc�e

even if l adored her.

l know, that's one of your fixations.

No, not a fixation, merely the application of a theory,

the practical implementation of a system.

l work in metals and l truly believe that marriage,

or rather the first conjugal act,

is like everything else here in this world of ours,

a matter of chemistry.

What is he going on about?

This is already way beyond you. l'm speaking to Arlette.

The union of two beings is like the fusion of two metals.

There are all kinds of precautions and rules.

lf not, you end up with flaws or bubbles.

And adultery is the logical result of a primeval bubble.

lt depends on how the crucible is heated on the wedding night.

lf the imprint is made on pure flesh,

with all the right technical precautions,

well then,

the imprint is indelible and the woman is marked for life

by the seal of the male who first possesses her.

She will never be unfaithful to him.

l can tell you, Faradel,

''Court my wife as much as you like.

lt entertains her and amuses me.''

What a fellow...

and to think l was going to take this seriously.

-But you've gone and given me-- -What's wrong?

Nothing. When l get emotional, it gives me hiccups.

l'm so easily impressed. l'll soon get over it.

Get dressed for dinner.

You're running out of time. l'll do likewise.

See you later, Mademoiselle.

Poor Faradel, he must have a faulty imprint.

Let's finish this letter. ''My dear Charly.

Let's finish this letter. ''My dear Charly.

''l'm very curious about Spherist art.

''Would you be kind enough to send me an invitation?

''Even better, bring me the invitation

and then you can go with me.''

Monsieur Charles Bruner!

Show him in!

How wonderful! My letter has already arrived.

-l'm delighted to see you. -Not as much as l am, Charly.

How is your Coocooism school doing?

Wonderfully well.

My latest field is total art.

My goodness! You certainly stop at nothing!

Or, if you prefer, lyrico-symphonic art.

Anyway, l've painted a picture,

composed a symphony and written a poem.

These three works form a whole:

one is impossible without the other two.

The Holy Trinity!

Could we descend from such lofty heights for a second?

-Lofty heights? -Let's be down to earth.

Surely you're not counting on this poetico-balsamic painting

to make you rich?

But, well, l'm bringing you riches.

ln what form?

-A matrimonial one. -l beg your pardon?

A charming young woman, excellent dowry

and huge expectations.

Then l don't understand.

She loves you, good Lord.

You're serious.

l thought it was a joke.

-Someone wants to marry me? -ls that a rejection?

A categorical and downright rejection.

You don't know what you're missing.

-Tell me her name. -Not on your life.

lf she loves me, l have the right to know her.

l can offer her some form of compensation.

Don't even think about it.

At poker, when you pass,

does the other player show you his cards?

Arlette? What do you think?

Charly! l didn't know you were already here.

lt's exquisite!

-lt suits you. -Do you think so?

You wear it admirably well.

l'm delighted to have the authorization of an artist.

-And a demanding artist at that. -l imagine you are!

After all, he is the head of a cubisto-cuneiform school.

Make fun of me, l don't mind.

lt's all publicity.

What do l care, as long as they talk about me?

Dadaism is over and out

Cubism's had its day

Nowadays without a doubt

Coocooism's the way

All these faddish art schools

And their frantic need to be

They're foolish food for fools

Fatuous, freakish flummery

Publicity, see

When they follow a fad lt's mad

lt makes them glad

Publicity, see

Wield your clout Pout and spout

Get talked about

Publicity, see

Don't go without Don't be a lout

Get talked about!

l have to go dress for dinner.

Think about that poker game of mine.

There's still time to raise the stakes.

l never play.

-You worry me! -Why?

Because children need to be playful.

lt annoys you when people call you a boy.

Yes!

You'll get over it. Cigarette?

Please.

Thank you.

So, what was that game my sister was talking about?

lt's not a game, it's a match.

-And when's the wedding day? -What wedding?

Yours.

ln another twenty years. Girls don't interest me.

So who does interest you?

You do. And you know it.

And why is that?

lt can't be explained.

First of all, there's something strange about you.

At times you make fun of me,

yet at others you listen to me with something akin to sympathy.

l do?

You feel a sort of attraction.

Darling. You attract me. lt's irresistible.

Deny it all you like. l've sensed it clearly.

And when we dance a tango...

you're not unhappy to press against me.

Charly, my boy, l'm going to throw you out.

Do you know what you are?

-You're a tease. -lmpossible!

You enjoy having men around to arouse,

but you never intend to give yourself to them.

lndeed, l don't give, you'll have to come back.

Too bad if l can no longer contain myself.

Gilberte, it's your entire fault.

-Gilberte. -Lord, what's come over you?

You foolish boy. Get your paws off me.

Don't try that again or we'll no longer be friends.

Please, forgive me, it won't happen again.

Just like a child. lt won't happen again.

You bad boy!

Again!

Ah, Charly.

l don't wish to send you packing but you barely have time

to run off home before coming back, kid.

l'll hurry.

You'll see who's the kid when l give your wife one!

Here you are at last!

Here you are at last!

l was about to say the same thing.

Say hello first.

All right.

Hello, darling.

How placid!

Conjugal.

That's what l'm saying.

You haven't noticed anything?

Noticed what?

My dress, for Heaven's sake!

Yes. lt's very nice!

You hadn't even noticed it. That's conjugal too!

l love you in any dress, and all the more without.

That's better!

Will dinner be good?

l hope so!

lt happens to be of capital importance for me.

l have an unexpected guest, a surprise for you.

Why?

lmportant news.

Our fortune increased tenfold, perhaps.

-Lovely! -Once our overseas guest tonight

signs the prepared contract after dinner,

the whole American market will open up to me.

Well!

You'll have your pearls as dessert.

What a delightful husband you are.

l believe l am.

Oh, let's not exaggerate. You have one serious failing.

Which is?

You never tell me that you love me.

But you know l do!

That doesn't matter. l could forget.

Silly child!

Are we not blessed, dear?

Yes!

And do you ever wish to go?

No!

Such exquisite tranquillity!

True, l have never known such calm and immobility!

lt's better than futility

My love for you is not a whim

lt's dim!

ls that all that you could find?

You're blind!

But Gilberte, you're my true love!

Those words have such a sweet tempo

They're wonderful to hear, you know!

Must l repeat them, Heavens above?

Talking about it is not what you do

When a sweet love is true

You stay silent beneath the skies

And let love speak out through your eyes

lf we want love to last

Vast

Then our words must be few

True

All words must be small

Just a kiss, that's all

All

Withal

ln thrall

You see my silence as a plot!

What?

While endearments make you swoon

Goon!

Lying's an easy thing to do

When a man's as silent as you

A woman can't know what is true!

One kiss can give you a clue

Do you feel this love is sad?

Bad!

-You want love to effervesce? -Yes!

Well, l find that worrying!

Your love must be a constant thing

Forever bright and dazzling!

lt's not just some mad, wild fling

Talking about

lt is not what you do

When a sweet love is true

You stay silent beneath the skies

And let love speak out through your eyes

lf we want love to last

Vast

Then our words must be few

True

-All words must be small -Just a kiss, that's all

All

Withal

ln thrall

You silly man. You know l adore you.

-What about you? -For words.

Just think, you're my little wife, my very own.

Monsieur. Monsieur Zambeaux is asking to see you.

Show him into my office.

My business lawyer's brought the contract. Excuse me.

See you later, my millionaire.

-Juliette. -Monsieur.

An American gentleman will be arriving shortly.

Show him into the small drawing room

and let me know right away.

Monsieur Eric Thomson, an American.

Eric Thomson!

No, l can't have heard properly, that's impossible!

What on earth's wrong?

What do you think of my dress?

The dress is what's wrong.

Do you have any idea whom this dinner is in honour of?

Eric Thomson.

Eric Thomson?

Her first husband!

Yes, and Georges knows nothing about my first marriage.

What's going to happen?

He expounded his ideas earlier, it's all a matter of chemistry.

What are we going to do?

Pretend you've fallen ill all of a sudden and take to your bed.

That's just putting off the inevitable.

My second husband is about to introduce me to my first.

You must speak to Eric first.

That's the door. lt's him. You greet him, l'm too nervous.

Be eloquent.

l'll try but the fellow always hated the very sight of me.

l can imagine your surprise, Monsieur.

You didn't expect to find me here?

l must admit that, myself.

You're looking very well.

l'm quite well myself, too, thank you.

You're wondering what l'm doing here?

Yes, l can tell,

seeing me here, displaying such familiarity,

you're probably thinking that l'm a member

of Monsieur Valandray's inner circle.

Well. That's right. l'm part of his family

and l shall now answer the second question

that is burning your lips and that you don't dare to ask.

You've always been such a tactful fellow, Eric.

You don't mind me calling you Eric after all this time?

Thank you, l expected nothing less of your exquisite courtesy.

A drop of port?

Forgive me. ln my confusion,

l forgot how fond you are of port.

l didn't offer you a glass.

Eric, how l so wish we could clear up

this misunderstanding between us,

there's no reason for it anymore.

To your good health.

l was the cause of your divorce, l know.

You found me to be a bit...

of a burden.

Say it, go on. l don't mind.

Can we bury the hatchet, Eric?

l see, you don't want to mention it again.

Very well, that's that, let's not mention it again.

Should l fetch my sister for you?

You'll see her right away.

What a grouch!

-Have you told him? -Not yet!

He hasn't opened his mouth.

Anyone would think he no longer speaks a word of French.

Monsieur Thomson, l have something to tell you.

l'm Monsieur Valandray's wife.

And so there's something l must ask of you.

-lf you stay-- -What do you say?

-Do not betray -What do you say?

-Our past today -What do you say?

lt could be bad

-lt can be seen -What do you mean?

-As go-between -What do you mean?

-You're not serene -What do you mean?

Oh, this is mad!

-ln God's name -What do you want?

-Think of the shame -What do you want?

-lt's not a game -What do you want?

Don't be a cad

-lf he's au fait -What do you say?

-ln the least way -What do you say?

The consequences would be dire

Without a doubt

-He's just a lout! -lt's a real snafu

You were married, true But no one must ever know

-What do you mean? -You're a has-been!

Husband number two

Could well misconstrue

lf you broke the status quo

-What do you want? -Am l to blame?

lt's a real snafu

She wed after you

And the news could be a big blow

-What do you say? -Lord, what a day!

ls this all for play?

His ''What do you say?''

l thought he'd understand some way

He'll have to pay!

lt's a real snafu

You were married, true

But no one must ever know

-What do you mean? -l'll take my aim!

Husband number two

Could well misconstrue

lf you broke the status quo!

-What do you say? -Please go away!

lt's a waste of time

He reasons in rhyme!

lt's invo

-What is it, veau? -lt's invo

What is it veau?

l think it's involuntary

Or he's the slyest of us three

He's lost all his French, you can see

What do you say?

Oh, go away!

Oh, you're already here?

No one informed me of your presence

More an absence!

He's here, my dear

The introductions have been done?

Well done!

Well done!

And he's met everyone!

Everyone, l must profess!

And so you've met my wife!

So let's see where we're all at!

Enough, let's leave it at that!

And here now are our three dear friends

Huguette Verberie

Charly and Faradel

-How d'you do, cher Monsieur -Cher Monsieur, how d'you do

How d'you do

l don't quite like his style

That's a Yankee profile?

He could be from Carlisle

He's not that handsome

With his mug like a Hun

And he can't be much fun

You were dreaming of a real man

This one looks like he could be called Anne

l like a different style

lt may seem futile

But that makes me smile

l am dying with hunger.

Lord knows what he needs How he pleads

He needs it here and now!

What's he demanding?

He must be sucking on a plum lt sounds so rum!

What's he demanding?

lf nature calls, he shouldn't be shy

We don't wish to pry

l pray my husband can't tell that l'm lying!

Oh, good Lord above, l feel like dying!

Dinner is served.

All right You see!

Hungry!

Here we are, our minds in havoc

While he's obsessed by his own stomach

lt's a nice, light dinner, just to say hello

A simple meal with dainty trifles

Fresh cockles

Creamed morels

Smoked salmon from Oslo

And a fine Bordeaux

A nice, light dinner, just to say hello

Grilled lobster and a fat roast goose

Chocolate mousse

Nice and light, you know

A nice, light dinner, just to say hello

lt's a nice, light dinner, just to say hello

A simple meal with dainty trifles

Fresh cockles

Creamed morels

Smoked salmon from Oslo And a fine Bordeaux

A nice, light dinner, just to say hello

Grilled lobster and a fat roast goose

Chocolate mousse

Nice and light, you know

A nice, light dinner, just to say hello

AND TEN DAYS LATER AT 7:00 P.M...

MR. AND MRS. GEORGES VALANDRAY REQUEST THE HONOUR

OF YOUR PRESENCE FRlDAY, OCTOBER 30, 9:00 TO MlDNlGHT.

AN EXCERPT FROM CHARLES BRUNNER'S PLAY

''PRlMlTlVE SOULS'' WlLL BE PRESENTED.

Get him something to drink.

Something nice and cold. A cocktail.

Thank you, my dears.

No, slap him on the back.

Thank you, it will soon pass. lt's nerves!

Give him a scare!

l hate this.

lt's not my fault.

Faradel, what are you doing here?

What am l doing here?

Tonight's soir�e, l had an invitation.

To come and listen to a new piece

by Monsieur Charles Brunner.

Well, hurry to your seat in the hallway

and listen to the music that sets the atmosphere.

But l have hiccups.

People will think it's jazz. Off you go.

These artistic soir�es!

Good Lord, what a terrible headache!

Huguette, you can do me a favour!

l'd be delighted!

l have to get all these young ladies into their costumes.

Please seat the guests.

-Certainly, Mademoiselle! -Mesdemoiselles!

We're rushed for time.

l'll take you through myself.

We're dressing in Madame Valandray's bedroom. Follow me.

l much prefer that.

Well, he's very much at home!

He's so kind. So active, so youthful!

Are you still as keen?

More than ever!

Bravo. Love is such a beautiful thing!

Have you stepped in on my behalf?

Of course!

And?

And then?

He refuses to listen. But l didn't tell him your name.

Thank you.

ln that case, l'll speak to him myself!

That's not really the done thing.

But it's still the best way to get results!

What a crush. Such a mad scramble.

l thought that l'd never be here on time.

Charly's painting is hanging there in the large drawing room.

Yes, his total art!

Well, there was such a crowd that l got jammed in.

You speak slang now?

lt's not slang. The way Paris is going these days,

l'm afraid we're all in the same boat!

On the avenue

l was speeding, in a stew

The cop on the plot Tinpot despot

Fined me on the spot

On the street so wide Traffic flowed from every side

Like an assault Not through my fault

Grinding to a halt!

And so l found myself jammed in

The cop took it all right on the chin

And despite his rank

My words were too frank

He gave a grin Then took me in

l spent the night in the tank

And so l found myself jammed in

And my wife, her poor mind in a spin

ln her stress Called the press

And told them out of her wits

My husband's been chopped to tiny bits

Since not so long ago Paris has changed so

All her best sights Full of Levites

And gruff Muscovites

Or with Spaniards Camping out on the boulevards

Worse than Venice Ancient Memphis

But it's not Paris!

And so we find ourselves jammed in

By people their fortune here to win

ln the bars You've Magyars

With cashiers From Algiers

From Vadodara Or from Ankara

We'll end up with cholera

And so we find ourselves jammed in

Sweep them out before they settle in

They show gall

Take it all While we sit by and just cry

Who'll get us out of the jam we're in?

A man must never let himself get jammed in!

What were you saying about me this time?

My poor little Gilberte. You're so nervous.

ls Thomson here yet?

l thought you'd ask me that.

Yes, l just saw him at the buffet, where else?

Excellent. Excuse me, l need to have a word with him.

See that? lt's been that way for a week now,

ever since Thomson got here.

They're always chasing after one another.

They can't bear to be apart for a minute!

You're proof that they share the same tastes.

He has moved in here, he takes all his meals here.

l see more of him now than when we were married.

-And what's he like? -Very polite.

So what are you complaining about?

This. Watch.

He's like the police.

He's following me like a thief.

Or like the French President!

He saw l was with you, so he turned away!

He's not likely to be drawn to me!

l can't take anymore.

That music has a totally numbing effect on me.

Dear me, Faradel, are you deserting?

My neighbours keep complaining that my hiccups annoy them.

-Some people are leaving. -What?

You're driving our guests away. l must stop them.

At last, alone with you.

Oh, no, Faradel, spare me your declarations.

You've been giving me the cold shoulder for two weeks now.

Everything l do is wrong. Everything l think.

Don't exaggerate. You don't think!

Yes, l do, l think that you really must come

to that little ground floor flat l've prepared for you!

lt won't see me for a long time.

You're so cruel.

During the day, l only ever undress at my couturier's.

But a fitting with you, well, l can't quite see that.

l merely need to imagine the look on your face.

Your face. Then, when you...

l'm cured of the notion of adultery before even trying it.

You're like a Member of Parliament:

you promise the moon when you're a candidate

but everything withers away once you're in the chamber.

l'm delighted to see Monsieur Faradel.

So am l, Monsieur Thomson!

l am particularly pleased to see Monsieur Faradel.

The pleasure's mutual, Monsieur Thomson!

You please me enormously.

l would never have guessed.

l'll leave you. l have to get into my costume.

He's been listening again.

l must get rid of the man!

And l want to give you a word of advice, dear old boy.

Sit down.

ln America, when a deal is...

what's the word...

when someone's drowning, their head...

Goes under!

That's it, goes under.

ln America, when a deal goes under,

we never push the issue, we forget it.

-And you're right! -You think so?

So if you think so, why keep at it?

l keep at it. Yes, it's a waste of time.

You might miss other interesting deals.

l don't quite follow you.

When a woman doesn't want to go to bed,

there are so many others who love to slip between the sheets.

You deprive them.

Do you understand, my dear fellow?

Not a word!

Yes, you do understand. Leave that person alone.

l feel remarkably fond of you.

l wouldn't want to have to give you advice every day.

You understand, my old fellow.

Thank you. Thank you. You slapped me on the back.

That's cleared up my hiccups.

l've been de-hiccuped!

Here he is at last. Hello, Sam.

My name is Eric.

But back there, l always called you Sam.

You don't remember? l thought it was nicer, more American.

Here, it's another kettle of fish.

Why are you talking about fish?

An English saying.

l see. l'll answer with a few French sayings

to clear everything up.

lndeed.

-Don't wake a sleeping cat. -Because?

Because it has claws.

-What's done is done. -So you think!

Don't disturb a very happy marriage.

You don't always have what you dream of in life.

Alas, l know what l'm talking about.

At times, you need to be content with what you have.

l've often dreamt like all the girls

Of cuddling here on my knee

A baby with pretty blonde curls

However that never came to be

And now here l am an old maid

Well, not old, a slip of the tongue

For l'm not that starchy and staid

And this heart of mine is still young

lt's younger than yours is now

But since it's young with no design

l spoil others' children anyhow

Wishing so that they were mine

When you cannot have what you love

Treat what you already have with love

Just try to be content

With the lot you've been sent

When you cannot have what you love

You're not a bad girl, Mademoiselle Poumaillac.

And you're not a bad boy either, Thomson.

Come, come, Sam,

you're just excessively shy, l know you well.

And you're afraid of women.

-That's-- -But why?

lt happened when l was knee high to a grasshopper!

A grasshopper?

Yes, just a little boy. Tiny, in short pants.

One day, my schoolmistress kissed me on the lips.

They do that in America, too?

Oh, a lot. lt created such an incredible revolution within

that l swore never to let another woman

lay her lips on mine.

Seriously!

l don't usually laugh about sad things.

So you were married to Gilberte for six months

and never once exchanged such a kiss, the prelude to love?

Never!

-Well, you're quite something. -l am!

-You did have other kisses? -Oh, l had everything!

But not on the lips, it's not hygienic.

You poor man, perhaps that's what led to your divorce.

But that's all over now and you shouldn't be

such a regular fixture in your successor's home.

Why not?

l'm staying.

And l'm happy to see you, too, you're a dear old thing.

Let me shake your hand.

There's something charming about this fellow.

He's charming but l must find a way

to rid Gilberte of him.

Oh, l know.

Oh, l know.

Huguette. Do you want to marry a millionaire?

-Me? -Nothing easier.

You just need to get Mr. Thomson to kiss you on the lips.

But, Mademoiselle, l have no desire to marry a millionaire.

l forgot.

She's taken, but l'll set all the other girls after him,

and there are plenty.

The freer they are, the better.

Oh, a Mexican!

Total art. lt's frightening just how total this boy is.

You look magnificent!

Kind of you to say so.

So, you're going to perform.

Yes, later on, with Gilberte.

lt's a tableau taken from my work ''Primitive Souls.''

l know!

Do you find Gilberte attractive?

She's a woman who--

Forget her, married women aren't this year's fashion.

They're out of date.

Like Mademoiselle Poumaillac you're trying to marry me off.

Was she wrong to?

Not her. But the young woman who...

Don't say anything unpleasant, l know her!

What madness came over her to make her want to marry me?

As a tender young girl, she immediately thought of marriage.

That would have been madness!