Original subtitles

Hi, Mr. Andy Wong

Hi, Bill Nixon

Reporter of Asia Media Weekly

I've already ran a background check on you

We'd like to do an interview and shoot some photos

Sure, no problem

People call you Hong Kong's King of Porn

They say you created a whole new style of pornography

What's your take on that?

They're being nice, but it's true...

...our magazine has the highest circulation indeed

This way Sure

Are you embarrassed by having photo's taken

with this many naked women?

Not at all

In the last few years, I've had more than 10,000

women strip in front of my face

according to information

You and your partner John are both graduated from a university

Why would university graduates turn to porn publishing?

Can you tell us more about your background?

How did you meet John?

I was a scriptwriter in a television station

But my career was going nowhere

Then a publishing company hired me

That was how it all started

I met John at the editorial department

We hit it off instantly

and became instant friends

What's up?

Angus, how many are they firing this week?

I heard over a dozen got the pink slip downstairs

That's sad

I don't think it'll affect us

We are pillars in this organization

Right, we're pillars

This is so painful to watch

For you

John, I wish they had fired me instead

You know I don't really need the income

I'm not in it for the money

This one's yours

Please clean up and leave by 5pm

Or we'll call security

Come on, was that attitude necessary

What's the big plan?

Get another job, I guess

Maybe we should start something

Like what?

We're in publishing, let's start a magazine

What kind of magazine?

They fired a lot of us today

That's fine, my boss said I'm up for a raise

I'll provide for you

That makes me feel so useless

Of course not, I think you're talented

You just need the right opportunity

This could be the chance

I discussed with a bunch of old colleagues

We have an idea for a Shoppers' guide for youngsters

I haven't promised anything

How much money will you need?

Less than a hundred grand each

It's not a problem for me, because I don't have any

I do

You do?

All right!

What do you think?

Top notch!

This couch is fantastic

It's virtually perfection

For some reasons, the partners all landed jobs quickly

John joined a newspaper's adult entertainment page

Can you just wait a minute

I've submitted your pieces to my boss

He should be out quickly

You like your drink?

Boss OK

John, these two articles are crap

Totally unreadable

It's a simplified menu for hookers

Just names of women and their rates

We need more descriptions

You his boss?

Who are you?

This is Mr. Lam, the massage parlor expert

And that is George

He is a pimp

If we can write well, we won't need to drive hookers around

Idiot!

What the fuck you want? Do you need our tips or what?

I told you we're only providing tips

Fine...

I don't care

Spend a few hundred dollars

Get someone to rewrite these

I need them to be entertaining

As if

These two are legends in the industry

Yes OK?

4-Eyes became a TV reporter

Mike worked in real estate

Ben joined an accounting firm

I didn't find any work

Let's think of a name for the pimp

He's real name is Dragon

Lung's to generic, need to spice it up

What are his physical attributes?

He's quite stocky

Fat Dragon then, simple enough

Easy to recall, Fat Dragon it is

As for the Massage Parlor guy

His name is Jones, he's quite skinny in person

Skinny Jones?

How about Boney Jones

Boney Jones it is!

Fat Dragon and Boney Jones, sounds good

Who's going to be which?

Who'll be Fat Dragon and who'll play Boney Jones?

Let's do this together

We'll switch daily

I'll take Boney today and you can be Dragon

Then we switch tomorrow

Sure...

The Guide's called Look Guide?

Sounds like "drop dead" in Cantonese!

The name was your idea!

I thought you know how to change luck with names

How could we call our guide "drop dead"

It was all because you called

And said there wasn't anytime left

You could have used "Luck"

Or "Lucky"

Should I have used the name "Luke" instead

Why not?

But how could you have chosen the word "Look"

Grammatically doesn't make any sense!

Good news!

I looked over, but our guide...

Uh-oh, look guide (drop dead) indeed

Lots of reader letters?

A pile for Fat Dragon, and another for Boney Jones

It's only been one day

This is awesome

I asked the distributor

He says only two kinds of books make money now

This is one

And this is the other

Let's have your opinions

4-eyes

Personally, I'm a Christian

I have a strict stand in these things

I think text books can help students

I agree with 4-eyes

We can study the school curriculum

Make friends with school teachers

I'm sure we can sell these books easily

I just want to know our investment

How many books do we sell to make our money back

Pubic hair!

You saw a lot?

How about you, John?

I...

I think text book is a good idea

I bought lots of them when I was in school...

Fuck every hole she has

Use your hands when necessary

...for exercise

Text book, that's a good idea

It's a brilliant idea

I agree a hundred percent

Let's put this to a vote

Those in favor of text books?

Those in favor of porn magazines?

Good morning

Good morning

We're looking for Mr. Dai

Whom shall I say is looking?

You can tell him it's John

Wait a minute

Thanks

I want another headline

A bunch of useless hacks!

How are you two youngsters?

Sit...

Go on!

Coffee?

Two cups of coffee, Darlene!

You're too kind

Scrap that then

How are you guys?

Our industry really needs people like you two

Full of creative talents

We've met before...

John

Of course, John, we've met

Twice, right?

We publish anything

Diet Magazines

Theology books

Aeronautical Science

Encyclopedia of Herbal Medicine

I wrote this myself, Japanese for Beginners

I'm Nakamura Naoko

What's your big idea?

Haven't you guys prepared anything

We haven't

We just want to print a porn magazine

We don't print porn here

How dirty can you go?

I am Fat Dragon

and I'm Boney Jones

Or sometimes I am Fat Dragon

And I am Boney Jones

You should've said something earlier

Darlene, bring in the red wine!

Sit down please

Japan had had Guidebook to Hookers for quite some

Were you the first to do something like that in Hong Kong

Yes, purely by coincidence

Fat Dragon and Boney Jones were such a hit

I knew then that this would become the trend for porn magazines

Even though nobody else believed in us

It was more difficult than

we imagined it to be

The other partners weren't helping

John and I did everything by ourselves

Ben, there are two guys looking for you

Hi, Mr. Ben

We're from Wild Side Magazine

He's John, I'm Andy

We'd like to request for an in depth interview

to promote your club

Or you can post an advertisement with us

No need for any advertising here

We've got lots of reliable customers already

But... although this place is a hit...

This place could be an even bigger hit

We can write recommendations for the girls here...

I told you it's not necessary

Come over here, mister

What environment?

It's fucking quiet these days

No one can get a fucking customer, damn it

Guys, looking for a good massage?

What's up, bro?

Chippy told us to come here

Said we should look for the Ma Brothers

Right...

Chippy recommended?

I'm Big Ma, he's Little Ma

How are you?

Sit please

Thanks

What's on your mind?

We'd like to launch a magazine

lt'll be a one of its kind guide to the sex trade

An extraordinary guide

We'd like to interview you both and the girls who work for you

Do some marketing for you

This is fucking funny

What kind of an idea is that?

Prostitution marketing?

What are your names?

I'm John, this is Andy

John fucking Andy

No, I'm Andy

Kidding...

Have you guys ever tried hookers before?

What?

I haven't

Neither have I...

You haven't even tried it yourselves yet you want to market our trade?

This is fucking hilarious

Anyway, I've got the time, so I'll have fun with you guys

Get the girls out here

Hold on

Girls, get the hell out here!

Customers?

Hurry!

Come on, hurry

I'll show you what real prostitutes are

These girls are all prostitutes

Whores for short

Choose one

Shit, stop pretending

Do you know what's rule number one?

Hookers hate shy guys, they won't give you head

OK, I'll pick for you

Gosh, you're too much...

Ling, take off your tops

Watch out for a nose bleed

Now that's what I call headlights

Good stuff

Fuck, stop pretending

Coco, take it off

Chandeliers Guaranteed nose bleed!

Good stuff, eh?

Come over here

I bet you're just pretending

Make some room

Didn't you say you want to market this stuff

You can feel it up close now

Judge for yourselves if they're real

Feel it

Come on

This is what I call a real pro

Great

Sorry

You touched it, you pay for it

What?

Why do you think they call it the flesh trade

You said you wanted to publish a magazine

I just taught you an important lesson

Pay up

You guys keep this in mind

If you want to publish a Guide to Whores

You have to understand two sorts of people

The hooker's and the customer's

Understand?

Understood, Big Ma

Thanks for the lesson

Take care of it

I hear you're the expert in getting women to undress

Only women I know

What do you guys want, tell her

Come on

Dance, then undress...

Do a little dance, then squeeze your tits

Touch your tits, then squeeze your nipples

Take off cushion

No...

I have a shaver, need to shave armpit hair?

OK?

Just relax

Yeah!

Come on...

Quick... strip...

Quick... Up...

Shoe... No Shoe...

Up... Quick...

Chair... Yeah...

Perfect...

Stop!

Don't go all the way, that's perfect

Really, then I'm not taking it off

What the hell are you doing?

You got us all excited

what are going to do now?

You're a man too, you know what porn magazines need

Seriously, when we set out to publish this

it was a monumental decision

to put it bluntly

Nothing can stop us now

Don't be in the way, brother!

I know what you mean

I'm ok to make some adjustments with my art

I'm also a horny guy myself

But figure out a way to convince her first

Artistic maestro

have you ever been beaten up during a photo shoot?

That's it, perfect!

Now I know pornography equals art

and art equals pornography

Good porn means good art

there it is... I can see clearly now

This is good porn

Perfection! Good porn! Good art!

Check this out

Tom's dick so long it bends

Nicole's oral techniques are heaven sent

They start fighting but have sex in the end

Finish this pizza and lick it again

Finish this pizza and lick it again

lmagine her mouth must be really oily

Finish this pizza... and just fuck it again?

Fuck it again

Fuck again it is! Fuck it again

We're all here, you're the only one missing

Hurry up

Is that the one?

Can't be

Don't panic, this isn't it

I think it is

Go after it!

You're all here?

Why didn't you guys get a cab?

Shut up, let's order first

Let's get Pork Bone Congee

Congee under this weather?

They're famous for it

Fine, 4 bowls of pork bone congee

This is the area's leading magazine stall

Should give a good indication of our magazine's sales

It's extremely indicative

Is this a new magazine?

Just arrived, hot off the Press

Can I open it up?

Sure, go ahead

Look, a customer

It's really good

Buy it! Buy it!

Pretty hot indeed!

Buy it...

Fat Dragon and Boney Jones are in it?

I'll take this

Bought!

If Passion Magazine makes money

I shall donate half of my earnings to charity

I'll give it all to my mom, she still thinks I'm useless

I'll invest in printing educational textbooks

Do some charity work to balance off my guilt

I'll buy a bigger flat for Fanny

So we can live comfortably

Pamela dreamt of owning her own fashion label

If I have the money

I'll use it to develop her label

Are we day dreaming or what?

I guess so

Sold out

Sold out?

$5 for newspaper

$5

I'm paying for this

Sorry, bro, this isn't for sale, it's my copy

Not for sale?

Sir, you're pretty old already

I would hate for you to pop a vein reading this

Old men are still men

Frankly speaking

this is the first issue, I want to keep a copy

It's an instant best seller

A mint condition first copy will go up in value

They can always re-print That's right

You don't get it

When they do, it'll say re-print on the cover

You're right

Careful, don't ruin it

Congratulations, mister

I won't fight over this with you, it's all yours

Keep it well, thanks

That's right

This issue will be worth a lot of money in the future

Trust me Yeah?

Even the plastic cover!

Let's go have some shark's fin soup

According to my research, the first issue of Passion Magazine

sold over a hundred thousand copies

Wow!

It broke the record of the sales of pornographic magazines

Because John and I used our heads

Previous porno magazines didn't involve the night club scene

But we've set a different trend

We could make a nightspot an instant hit

Your turn, sir

C'mon boy, your turn

Sorry, you all have to wait for a while

Not for long, I promise...

It's a busy day out here

Just hurry up

It's fucking John and Andy

We'll drink to that

Cheers Cheers

You guys sure have your ways

Now every girl in this joint

accounts for maybe 30 customers daily

Can't cope with the demand

Thank you both

If I didn't have the foresight to see the potential

in you two

We're not going to hit the jackpot like we have now

Our joint is literally filled with horny sperms

Business is literally fucking good

Thank you for your compliment

Your precious teachings worked out well for us

Nobody believed in us back then

Without our interview with you, there would be no magazines

Andy, I know you're good at this

Help me get some new ideas

I want to fire up this joint even more

Let's fucking bring the house down

You guys must know how

Come on, stop keeping the ideas to yourselves

You guys want to bring down the house?

Yeah

You wanna have fun, we'll pay for it

Passion

Boss, this way to room no. 9, watch your step

Maggie, hurry

Where are you going?

I'm exhausted Hurry up!

Take good care of our customer

Come on, what's taking so long?

Jeez, this is so hot...

This is even better

Officer Cheung

Outside a sex den in Portland Street

We have about a hundred people queuing up

Reportedly Passion Magazine is treating readers

to free sex with hookers

Should we do something about this?

You two get on the van

I invited you both

Because you've gone to far

You wanna have fun, we'll pay for it

Officer, you have nothing on us

Yes, we consulted our legal adviser...

Right, having fun does not mean prostitution

But...

the newspapers today reported about this

I got you both out to talk things out on the record

So I'll have something to show my superiors

What do you want then, Officer Cheung

I can't teach you what to say

You just need to tell the truth

You guys started a joke with your readers

Didn't think they would actually believe you guys

As to what they did up in the sex den

You'll of course confess that you don't know anything

Remember me, I'm SP Cheung

I hope you don't fall into my hands in the future

If not, I won't be just taking you out for a spin

I'll take you back to the precinct for a cup of coffee

Understood

Where are you guys, why are you not here yet?

Come on

Sorry...

We're late, sorry

The big boss is waiting

Thanks

Sorry

Mr. Tong Fook, really sorry

You said to proceed to Comewell

I thought I heard you say the supermarket next door

Waited there for 30 minutes

It's true, we haven't had dinner yet

You two idiots wrote bad things about our joint

We didn't

Seriously, Mr. Tong

We always tell the truth, nothing less

Yes

Up yours!

Of course you did!

You don't know who I am, do you?

Let me show you something interesting

This scar runs from my chest to my ass

Long time ago

Someone tried to bad mouth me

I asked them for a meeting

Every person

had two big cleavers

Cleavers!

This scar...

was a memento of that day

As to those fools

They were cut into 4 pieces

Fuck

Your joint sucked for real, we simply told the truth

What the hell do you mean?

Shit! Do you know how to run a sex den?

Don't blame others for your own ignorance

If we die today

your business will suck just the same

Tell you what, I don't know much

But I know how to make a joint succeed

That's right

Assholes!

Look, I'm in this business to make money

not to make enemies

Why don't we all sit and have dinner?

Let's all get to know each other better, yes?

OK...

Give them some wine

Since it's our first meeting

I'd like to show you something you've never seen before

My double blade technique will blow you away

Great...

Really good

Brilliant!

Beautiful...

Encore...

Continue please...

Miss, when will Mr. Dai give me my check?

My employees are waiting for their salaries

I realy don't know when he will be free

Don't leave me out in charitable endeavors

Just name the amount

Sky is the limit

Mr. Dai

Do you know what was my ambition growing up?

To run a charitable institution, seriously

Goodbye! Thank you, Mr. Dai

Walk the guest out

Mr. Dai

I know...

Shirley, get Raymond in, we have a publishing meeting

Mr. Dai, I...

Can you wait a few more minutes?

I'm really busy, got meetings to attend

If you can't wait, come back another day

I need to go into this meeting Mr. Dai...

Shirley!

Unbelievable!

God damn it

This is what we're paid for this month

Why?

Why do we have to be like beggars on the street

The magazine was a best seller

Fuck it

Why do we have to go through this?

Fuck him, we want our money

How much is his share worth?

Let's buy it off him

Don't we have enough cash?

I agree, but I don't have the money

Neither do I

I got loads, but haven't earned them yet

Not me, I'd rather have a smaller stake in this

I'll get a loan and use my flat as collateral

I should also ask my girlfriend to do the same

We should buy the magazine

You're my best buddy

John wants to buy Passion back from Mr. Dai

He asked Fanny to use the house as collateral

Yeah

That's risky

I tried to talk him out of it

How much was Dai's share in it?

He wouldn't release his rights for less than HK$1.5 Million

This flat was intended to be my dowry

What do you mean?

I'm betting my future on you, get it?

Do you get it?

Understood

Finally, we own this thing

Congratulations

Congrats

We can start kicking ass now that we fully own it

This issue's theme

Camouflage girl in the jungle takes a facial

Good!

Remember shoot on the face, not on her breasts

Go ahead and do it

We'll show you the proofs later

I'm coming, please look at the camera

Two men? I don't do threesomes

We're reporters from Passion Magazine

Here to interview Titty Bird

Oh, reporters

Sorry

I'm getting the door, please come in

Come in, don't be shy

It's fine

Come on in, the place is crowded

Sit down please

7-up for you guys?

We don't get up 7 times that fast, Coke please

Sure, Coke then

No coke or 7-up's

No soft drinks, but I have popsicle

But only one left, can you share?

Have some, it tastes good

It's ok, we'll help ourselves

I'll put it here, just take it

Here are our name cards, I'm the publisher

I'm the deputy

Who's the publisher and who's the deputy?

I'm Andy, the publisher

He's John, my deputy

How do you

conduct your interviews?

Just tell us your main selling point

And we'll take some photo's

My selling point?

I've said it all in the voice recorder

Can you say the same thing again then?

OK, hang on a minute

Here and now?

Yes, tell it to us, hold on

Boss

Call me Titty Bird

I have big, bouncy tits

40 inches of the real stuff

My cleavage is deep

My nipples are small and pinkish

I even "swallow" if you like

Body massage, 360 degree turn

I'll turn so good

like you wouldn't believe it

My pussy's tight and juicy

lt'll suck you dry

And fuck you crazy

Only HK$300, really cheap

I'm waiting...

Does that work?

Does that work?

If it worked you wouldn't have needed us

First of all, promise us one thing

You shouldn't be dishonest

40 in. Bust line? You must be kidding

And all the service you mentioned...

Every other hooker in the business does it

Do you know what's rule no. 1 for this profession

not to tell your customers that you're cheap

If they want to save money they'll just jack off

Firstly, you need to hike up your price

I have no customers now yet I should hike up prices?

Trust us, we know these things

You will become Hong Kong's

number one hooker

I've never dreamt of becoming number one

Then put your faith in our two big... pens

Who are you looking for?

Titty Bird, as recommended in Passion Magazine?

It's out?

See for yourself

You're pretty in person

Everything in it is true

Come in, I'll show you a good time

OK

I'm looking for Titty Bird

Coming

Come on in, Mister

You don't look like the picture at all

Stop looking at the picture, come in

I'm looking for Titty Bird

Just come on in first

Well? Should we try once more?

What?

If you couldn't make it the first time, we can do it again

Have you had enough rest?

When you're done we can start over

Is that alright? Come on

I'm complaining to the Passion Magazine for fraud against readers

The article talked about Titty Bird

But what I found was Shitty Bird

Completely different things

I am very disappointed by this complete disregard...

of responsible journalism

If this is the case...

Then I refuse to support the Passion Magazine from now on

And I will spread the worst word of mouth about it

Titty Bird

Get here you lazy whore

I'm busy... don't come in

Just come back another day

Fine, I'll wait right here

Why don't you come in?

You have destroyed our reputation

Look at these complaint letters

They're all about you

Just come in first

Come in. Something wrong with your eyes?

Come in and we'll talk

Fine, I'll come in

Passion Magazine is in deep trouble now because of you

Customers?

I'm not a customer

Who are you? Ronaldo?

We're robbers, Mr. Publisher

Thanks to your magazine that pointed us here

Could you maybe sign an autograph?

What are your names?

Don't you dare tell him our real names

Whatever then, Ronaldo, Ronaldinho

Sorry, we need to finish off the robbery

Let's go, little brother

Thanks, Mr. Publisher

This way

Are they gone yet?

They're off

Untie me

How do I do that?

They tied us really tight

I'm so thirsty

What do you want to do about that?

Don't

I'm bursting already

It's painful

In a great hurry It's painful

Get something to drink

You want me to drink condoms and lubricants?

I forgot to buy some drinks

This is fucking unbelievable

Uh-oh, I have to pee

Dont do it, its pointed right at my direction

I'm not thirsty

I can't hold it any longer

Let's untie ourselves first

Help me

I have to pee

What are you biting?

Don't lick

If you had served all your clients...

the way you served me just now

Then I wouldn't have had to come

Sorry, I got too lazy

I thought I could get others to substitute

I won't do it again

It's useless to say these now

Why don't you write a formal apology

I'll publish it for you on the next issue

OK

How...

How much do I owe you?

I'll pay you for it

No need, we're friends

We haven't even reported this case

Report what?

This is my first time

I can't let others know about this

You have a point

Don't worry, I'll work hard from now on

I promise I will

I remember you said to me

that I can become number one in this trade

Lazy Whore: My Mistake!

Titty Bird Promises never to do it again

Mr. Boney Jones, I strongly recommend

this girl, number 77

She's the best

Is this number 77 really any good?

Of course... if she was any good we wouldnt need to promote her

Please do what you can to help

Turn the skank into the hottest princess

You know we don't lie, and we don't accept bribes

That's fine

What's no. 77's specialty?

Blow Jobs

She's blows so well

that if she were a musician

she'd be in Kenny G's league

Mr. Jones

You've waited long?

I've never heard of anyone named Boney

It's my pseudonym

Let's start the interview, your name?

Stop that

Tess Tickles

Tess, where are you form?

Guangdong... and Portugal

Yeah you look like you have mixed blood

How old are you, Tess?

We'll say 19... everyone says that

18 sounds too young

Vital stats?

36 - 22 - 38?

You think my butt looks big

No...

36 - 22 - 33

OK? OK

Any specialties?

What are you good at?

I'm good at everything

Except massage

What specifically are your specialties then?

I prefer performing them than talking about them

Don't tickle me

You've got to feel it to be able to write it

No need

How did you know that

I like doing it on the floor?

Cold... freezing

Hot! Too hot!

It's cold

Cold... hot

Hot... cold... hot... cold

Hot!

Tess Tickles' trademark fire and ice technique

Boney Jones felt like... Give it to me

shuttling between the equator and north pole

understanding the real pleasure of oral sex

Stop reading it, you fucking shit

This will go to print, everyone will be able to read it

What's the difference if I read it now?

Won't matter once I finish writing it

Sorry

I have more

Do you now?

I have... this!

And this, too

Fire and Ice technique!

Want to try it?

Come on, baby!

The Kenny G of Oral Sex: Tess Tickles

How to perform the Fire and Ice Technique

Number 77, where are you going?

There's a long queue waiting for you

It's like a rock concert, everyone chanting for "77"

Where are you going?

I need to go to the doctors

What for?

The doctor says if I keep on blowing

My jaws will lock permanently like this

I can't do this anymore

Bullshit

This shape is perfect for their sizes

If you don't do it, who will?

Go on...

You're the Kenny G of massage parlors

No one does this like you do

Come on

No, it hurts

Mr. Chan!

Andy and John, thank you for coming tonight

It's going to be a blast, trust me

Just call earlier, I'll reserve the best room for you

We're ok, you don't have to show us around

Stop kidding around John

Why don't I ask Kitty

to take our prettiest girls to have fun with you

We're tired of looking at pretty girls

Get us the ones with special talents

Special talents?

What are you looking at? Scared?

Can you play drinking games?

Drinking games, can you?

I can

You start

Zero! Zero!

She claims to be the master at this game

Start over Sure

I'll go first

OK

5! 10! Drink up!

Again

You're pretty good, why don't we...

go with 6 bottles

Fine, sure

I don't think hospitality is her strong suit

You bet

Come on

You go first

Listen up

5!

15!

10!

Zero!

Finish that up

Thanks

Great

I think he's done

No, I'm not

I don't believe I can't beat you

OK

Let's

Stop playing stupid drinking games, let's...

play strip games

Bluff!

Why not

Off Please

Take it off

No

No? You were pretty confident just now

Off with it

Give me a chance

Chance? Let's go then

How can I leave this way?

Just go

Give me something to wear

Fine, take it off yourself

Now

Stop teasing

Let's go then

What now?

For real?

Take it off

Come on

Too good to be true

Any girl could get on magazine covers these days

Should our Passion try something new?

Let's get some ideas

I have one

We can do current affairs

What?!

You know I'm not good at these

Just trying to think of something

Why don't we sensationalize our cover girls

Just get women from all walks of life

Then think of big stories to package them with

Pretty good

I like this idea

We can maybe get a whore

a hooker

or a masseuse

and make her look like a lady, right?

Baby, I don't understand a word you're saying

You won't have to

So long as the two of us understood

Who should we use for next issue

Who should it be?

Tess Tickles

Whose testicles?

Who's Tess Tickles?

Your Tess Tickles

Your testicles?

What do you mean my Tess Tickles?

Oh no, real estate prices crashing

She licked your testicles

so she's your Tess Tickles

Why did you get your testicles licked?

When did I ever get you to lick my testicles?

You licked his testicles?

I didn't lick his testicles

He had his testicles licked

That's why it's his Tess Tickles

Why did you have your testicles licked?

Yeah

I need to call

Tess Tickles

It's my first time...

First time?

As a cover girl, I mean

I bought some Macau egg tarts

Not sure if it suits your taste

I'm referring to myself

No problem at all

We have a professional photographer

Don't worry, my experience plus this camera

will make you look pretty no matter how ugly you are

Don't worry

He's an idiot, ignore him

John, tell her the theme we're going for

The theme we're going for tonight

is fruits

This banana was made just for you

It was modeled after someone's body part

Seriously, someone's banana is that big

Please take a seat there

Can I take off my clothes now

Sure

I'll assume the position first

OK, ride on the banana

Like riding a pony

Right leg... ride on it

Raise your right leg

Hold on

Higher

Good, hold it right there

open your mouth

look happy

look happy and slide it in your mouth

I bit it off, sorry

Yours did not come off, we're fine

Keep it up

Try leaning your head this way

Better

OK, that's enough

OK, stop

Let's try using a finger

Put a finger into your mouth

Like this?

I guess so

That's good

Cover Girl Tess Tickles on 10 Best Ways to lick them

I'm so happy today

to be the special guest in Passion Magazine's 100th issue

I've grown up with Passion Magazine

From the very first issue they published

I will give my best to everyone

You look like you've never disrobed in your life

Wait!

Do it when we're on the bus, not here

I love Hong Kong!

I love you

Distinguished guests, readers of Passion

We're going to begin

Before we start tonight's program

We have a flag

to present to publisher Andy

And deputy publisher John

Ladies and gentlemen, our chairman

Mr. Kan

OK, now our let's welcome our leading men

Andy and John

OK, now let's have Mr. Kan present

Words of thanks from the sex industry

Thank you

Thank you!

It should be us thanking you really

Photo's please

OK

Thank you, Mr. Kan

thank you very much

OK, now we hand it over to our VIP's!

Tingting is full of surprises

Her pubic hair long enough to reach the ground

When she lies down

her pubic hair escapes her underwears

you can use hair gel to control them

Tingting, has a pair of pink nipples

you can squeeze it all you want

She lives on #59 Tsuen Wan Avenue

Waiting for you to contribute your sperm

Hold each other tight

Let her suck on your dick

Swallow it whole, Come in her mouth

Tingting has no fear

Tingting offers 3-course set

Waiting for you in her apartment

She lives in #59 Tsuen Wan Avenue

Do what you want to do with her

Hello everyone

I am your host Kiki

From this issue on

Passion Magazine will have an on pack VCD

Cut!

Andy, I'll leave now if everything's ok

Bye

Bye Bye

Can we leave now?

Give me another 10 minutes

It feels so good

Give me the VCD

Can't take it anymore

I killed her?

How is it Doctor?

Nothing serious for now

She has low blood pressure

Get her for a full physical exam tomorrow

I'll write you a reference letter

Sorry, doctor

Are you really a doctor?

You've never met a pretty doctor before?

You ok?

Of course I'm not

You're not?

What's wrong?

Terminal illness

Doc...

Forget about it, I know what's wrong

The doctor said I'm in terminal stage

I could die anytime

You're kidding I mean it

Did you get a close inspection?

What did the doctor say a while ago?

It was very clear

Why would I faint if everything was ok?

But the doctor said it was nothing serious

What's your illness called?

It's called... terminal illness

Will you treat me better

right before I die?

Will you?

Why?

I missed you so much

Tess Tickles, Lewd Lily

Tess Tickles, Titty Bird

Tess Tickles

Your Tess Tickles wins by a huge margin

Quit mentioning it in front of Fanny

If you do that again, I'm going to hit you

I don't know, you pick the lucky winner

Isn't it a bit dangerous

what if we picked an SM freak?

Well, doesn't she face that danger everyday in her work?

But the one night stand with the cover girl was our idea

We're responsible for anything that might go wrong

Let's fake this, why don't you go?

Fanny's going to see me

Fine, let her run the risk of meeting an SM freak

Or just get disembodied at some point

You think if we pixelize my face

Will Fanny still recognize me?

Why don't you get an instant photo

Then pixelize your look

Then ask Fanny if she knew

who it was

Right!

Thanks

I don't think she'll recognize my face with pixels

Maybe Calvin should do it, he doesn't have a girlfriend

Sorry, was I late for long?

You getting married?

Your eyes ok?

Nothing, the sunlight was just too bright

You spent much time arranging this look?

I did... is it ok?

It looks good, definitely

OK, let's do it

OK

You two stand apart

OK, back up a little

You're too stiff

Relax a little

What the hell, you have a boner?

You've never seen a woman before?

Right...

You look too tight, lady

I mean your face, not your lower body

Relax, that's right

When I say 'Action' just run towards each other

OK?

Let's go

Action!

Does that work?

What are you doing?

This sucks

Just like that

Hold her and spin

Don't stop till I say so

So happy... so wonderful

Chupa chups?

Calvin! What did you buy?

I said to buy flowers

You said to get corny stuff

You look corny enough

Whatever, take this thing here

And kneel on the ground before you give it to her

Just look really stupid, ok?

Remember to shoot the background

The uglier the better

As kitsch as possible

Ready, start when I say 'Action'

Ready, get set...

Wait

Ms Tess Yeah?

You're a working girl, show some poise

Sorry

There you go, thanks

Ready...

Action!

Look happy, yes, relax

Perfect

She looks happier than you do

You looked like you just ate shit

I've never had a man walk on the beach with me before

I'm actually quite old fashioned

I like having a man walk on the beach with me

Where do you go when you dated your ex?

Nowhere, just somewhere dark to have sex

Lots of groping and humping

And then, Tess discovered

the hidden champagne bottle from her fan

Ouch! What the fuck?

Tess is so moved

What is it? And they kiss

It's a bottle of champagne

Kiss!

Kiss now

OK

Right

Romantically look at each other while you toast

Fine

OK, don't drink too much

Put it down, pick up a strawberry

Correct...

Then suck on it

Don't look at me, look at her

Suck the fruit, suck it

Enjoy it like you're sucking her...

Then feed her

Enough, feed her now

Exactly

Look entranced

Don't open your mouth too wide

Don't think it's your regular...

there you go... right...

OK, leave them, shoot me instead

OK, after they enjoyed their bottle of champagne

Keep moving, don't still

OK, after they enjoyed the champagne

The lucky reader finally gets to enter the room

we prepared for him and Tess Tickles

We hid over a hundred condoms near the bed

Our guessing game for this issue is

How many condoms will our lucky reader use up?

The answer will be revealed on the next issue

Wanna play paper, rock, scissors?

Get in there!

OK, as to what happens after they entered the room

Only heaven knows

Remember to write back and guess how many rounds they got to

Done

Was that ok?

I'm fine with it

Remember, you are the lucky reader tonight

Everything in that room is yours

Have fun

I thought it was all an act?

If you want to leave now

You can go

If you want me to stop, just say so

Lower... lower

No...

Lower... no

in the middle

Perfect

Middle, perfect

I did not know that my entire body

could turn into a sex organ

What?

I think I've gone mad

I'm tired, can you hold me while I sleep?

Aren't you tired watching these discs

Wait...

Why is that guy's face pixelized?

We have to protect readers' identities

Then again

He looks like you

Like me? No way, I've seen him

Seriously, his body size

is the same as yours

Look at that nose

It's the same

You can see that through the pixels?

Yes, just do it like this

Squint like that and you'll see it

Yeah? Isn't it?

I'm suddenly feeling something... What?

I have an urge

Tell me, doesn't he look like you?

Hello

I'm Fanny, you asleep?

Barely

Sorry

I have something to tell you

Wait

What is it?

Nothing really

I'm not sure if I'm a little paranoid

I felt like since John started the magazine

He's been very different

Different like how?

Well, it's like this...

I can't stand it...

Where did you learn what you just did?

I... just experimented on the stuff I write about

Experimenting? Felt more like you've practiced

Really?

Well, let's try that one more time

He insists that he's never tried it with others

How am I supposed to believe that

You're being paranoid, doesn't do any good to anyone

I know, but I can't help it

Now every time we do it

I just can't get myself into the mood

Paying too much attention on his "moves"

See how different it is with before

I'm going crazy

Well, how about you and Andy?

Aren't you worried?

If there is anything fishy, no use worrying over it

Mind telling us if you've ever crossed the line?

You mean to indulge in that lifestyle?

Off the record, I won't write about it

Just purely out of interest

I'd be lying if I said we never did

I'm not a saint, can't fight temptation

Besides saints don't publish porn magazines

They write bibles and holy books

I'd like to use your toilet for a second

I'm bursting

Who are you?

I'll tell you in a bit, thanks

Here's your money back, also I'd like to buy your flat

It's ours, you shouldn't have to do this

I just want to prove that I can take care of you

I bought your favorite dish home for dinner

Who screwed up this contract?

Even has drawings

Where's John?

I've told you maybe a billion times before

Don't use this color for the cover

Are you deaf?

Told you not to write about Fantasy of The Spooky Kind

We're a porn publication

We're not X-files

Stop fooling around

It has nothing to do with our magazine

I know Pam left you

What did you say about Pam?

Stop right there

Fuck you!

Stop!

You said something about Pamela, right?

You've turned your girlfriend into a paranoid

Why did you have to bring me down?

Now my girlfriend's gone

You're blaming me?

Tell me...

What now?

Why are you being quiet?

Fine

Say it, come on

Stay out of this

Say it

You really want to hear?

Why am I always playing second fiddle to you?

Who started you on Fat Dragon & Boney Jones

Your deputy

We started Passion Magazine as partners

You're the publisher and I'm the deputy

Up yours, your deputy?

You've never said you wanted to be the publisher

I'm too nice and educated for that

Oh really, since you're too nice and educated

then quit writing about pornography

Why care about becoming a publisher?

You're too nice to be even the deputy

Since you're that educated

Why do you fool around with a masseuse

What did you say?

I quit, you do this on your own

Honestly speaking, I've always liked you

You may not know this

Andy's all talk

He's noting without you supporting him

Passion Magazine was your idea, I knew that

He can say whatever he wants outside

You don't have to care about that

I feel so bad for you

Sorry for being very frank

I've predicted you two to go separate ways early on

I've published fortune telling books

You asked to meet me to bash my ex partner

Not really, I don't have that much free time

John, you're a smart kid

You should know I want to be in business with you again

You should have no doubt about my passion for publishing

I'm sure if you start your own porn magazine

You can beat Passion Magazine easily

There's an old Chinese Saying

Friendships thrive on hard times, not in good times

Do you agree with that?

Ever regretted starting a porn magazine?

From the moment we set out to do this

I've never regretted it

How much have you lost since you started this?

Never counted my losses, and not starting now either

But let me tell you

You must have a bottom line in everything you do

Bottom Line?

You have bottom line in porn publications as well?

Let me tell you, anything you do

you have to set a bottom line for yourself

Sometimes the only thing that can save your ass...

...is this bottom line

Boss, is that a new magazine?

Yup, just arrived

I'll buy this one thanks

The rivals meet!

Do we still want to bathe then?

Certainly? Why the hell not?

You guys haven't spoken in a while, go ahead

Come over here

You two have a thing against each other

Why don't you fight over it?

Fight over it

What the fuck do you want?

What the fuck do you want?

Punch him

Looks like we have a winner

That fast? Hard to believe?

Didn't think you'd fight this well

When you have the time, try it on me

Has he thrown a temper tantrum yet today?

Andy, I've quit my day job as a TV reporter

I've decided to go to the US to study Theology

We formed this partnership

not only to make money

But also to have fun

I feel this magazine is a runaway train

We've had fun working with each other

Utterly immoral

Do you believe in karma?

Do you understand?

I'm leaving

Mike...

Why are you still here?

Cindy, can you place an order

for a Pizza for just you and me

He's leaving soon

Leave

Just go

Get out of here

What do you want?

I said to order a pizza, don't you want to eat?

If you don't, I do

The ones I need are gone, only the useless stayed

What do you want?

I'll give you back your share

Don't go Idiot

Don't leave... I don't have any friends anymore

Please don't go

I'm begging you

You two were the best of friends

He should know you didn't mean to punch him

I didn't think it would come to this

Just tell him that you're sorry

This time it's all over

At least it was good coming to see you

I know why men look for hookers

There are certain thing...

that men can't resolve with their own women

Thanks

I just upped my price again

How much?

We're friends, forget about these

I charge you the old price

Keep it

Why did you have to jazz up this place like this?

You're just a solo hooker

I did

spend over a million bucks refurbishing

You told me to work hard, remember?

You know, I really am

Hong Kong's most popular solo hooker now

I'm doing very well

Just the other day, 2 tv station interviewed me even

I have something for you, hang on

I bought this from an old guy

for HK$ 3,000

Thanks

We're friends, remember?

Have you seen my telephone bill?

What?

Phone bill

Never saw it, look for it yourself

Is it beside the computer?

Found it yet?

Why did you stick with Kiki?

Your girlfriend Pamela was really good

Why didn't you attempt to win her back?

I'm not sure I know why

Maybe...

She was just too good for me

I don't understand, can you elaborate?

She was too good for me, I'm a man

When I'm with her

I feel...

I mean, I'd really want...

to have a woman I can rescue

Or maybe...

a not so normal woman

Frankly speaking, I didn't understand that

But I'll write it down

Sometimes it's really strange

You know quite well who you love

But you choose to let her go against your wishes

I'm not sure I know how to say it

The police started what they called

Operation: Fire Lily

Sweeping through over a hundred prostitution dens

Forcibly closing down several porn magazines

And arresting several publishers and editors-in-chief

The officer in charge is SP Cheung

He claims this operation will be stepped up

John just got arrested

Where are you going?

Back to the office

For what?

So they can come arrest me?

The police have combed through

Night clubs, motels and massage parlors

Among the arrested are illegal immigrants

and to date more

than 120 individuals have been brought in for investigation

Everyone leave, the cops will be here any minute

I'm not joking

Just go now

How can I leave you like this?

We're partners

If I get arrested, I'll need you to post bail for me

Thanks

Who's in charge here?

I am

I have collected twenty stamps, can I exchange for the gift?

Wait there

Here's an electric dildo

I just pulled it out from my ass

It's yours if you want it

There are tons of magazines here, you can take them too

This entire office is yours if you want it

20 stamps!

SP Cheung, I'm Andy

If you want to arrest me, get it over with

Who said anything about arresting you?

You closed down every other magazine, why not mine?

Because you have a higher bottom line, kid

You never took bribes

If you did, the accounting books from the night spots will show

In other words, under the table transactions

John never takes these kinds of payments

Not sure if he ever did

But his name was in the books

Maybe someone took it for him

He's the magazine's publisher

editor-in-chief and chief writer

Of course they arrested him and not me

Those weren't bribes, they were advertising fees

Nothing is free in this world

Doesn't mean you've got high moral standards if you don't take

Just means you're stupid

What?

What proof have you got that I took the money?

The money was deposited under the Lust Magazine account

John's got no choice but to take this hit

Tell him to wise up in his next life!

Andy, you're a much smarter person

I actually like you better

I have a new idea for us to work together

It's a brand new idea, for real!

Let's work together

What? Think I'm scared of you?

Mano o mano!

Thank you, Attorney Ho

We're ok for now

Call me if you need me

I'm leaving for now, bye

Bye

I told Fanny not to come

Isn't it the day that Passion comes out?

Remember what we did on the eve of the first issue?

Do you remember? I do

After you left

Sales for Passion really wasn't as good as before

Sir, we're closing for the day

My treat

No, make it my treat

I'm leaving the porn business

Got an offer from Taiwan to do a Film Magazine

Long time, no see

Yes

I didn't want to tell you...

that I'm not going to do porn magazines anymore

I'm going to Taiwan to start a film magazine there

When do you leave?

Tomorrow

That fast?

I thought about it for a while

Good

What's good?

Good for you

Tell me your real name, please?

Tess Chow

Not Guangdon mixed with Portugese blood

More like Guangxi mixed with Portugese

I'm 28 years old

Vital stats are 35, 23.5, 34

I have a daughter

Her father's my ex boyfriend

She just turned 6

What else do you want to know?

Nothing else

Anything you want to know about me?

Apart from blow, lick, swallow and spit

Nothing else I want to know in here

In order for you to blow well

Did you have to use real feeling?

Well, feel it and you'll know

Take only what is necessary, I'll be back end of the month

Why do you keep this issue?

What?

I don't know

Why?

I'm asking you

Tell me truthfully

Ever since you started that magazine, ever cheated on me?

Never

Swear?

Swear

You never changed in all these years?

Not really, if any at all it's just little things

Like?

I don't have sex with hookers before, now I do

I've become friends with triad members, changed girlfriends

And friends?

Have you seen John since you parted ways that morning?

No

Even no contact with him at all?

Not at all

If you see him again

What would be the first thing you say to him?

Sorry

Sorry

Because he is the...

the best friend I have ever known

I have a secret to reveal

Your best friend is here today

I have one thing to say

I owe you this

Sorry

Sorry...

Ready, Three, two, one

THE END Subtitles by: Reklame