Original subtitles

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One person's existence stays with me

Loving is not

Changing a thought into action

It is the thought itself

INOCHI

It's a healthy baby

Look at that flickering. That's the heart

Alright

I can't let you out in your condition

Can't have you hemorrhaging

Been a charge against my novel

I'm obliged to hear the verdict

It's your obligation to rest

Think the verdict will go against me

If I don't show, people will think I'm running

Is there any honor worth defending

at the expense of a child?

I'm going to

have an abortion

Then why are you here?

For the child's right?

I'm glad it's with us

Are you sure?

Can't raise a child myself

We're finished

Give me the key

Please. Have a healthy baby

Might be my only child

The key !

No

If I do, you'll lose the child

That's what you want?

Give it and I'll abort it

Ok then

Promise me you won't abort

I don't know

You know what you are saying?

Then do as you wish

No matter

I've got no confidence

to make you trust me

It's a matter of life or death!

May 12th Birthday Present

Hi. It's Yu

It's been a while

Yeah

What is it?

Past your birthday

Sorry I forgot to get you a present

Should forget about me too

I want to, but

What is it?

Something happened?

Yeah

And?

And what?

Doesn't make sense you hate dumping him

'cause you got hurt

I'd see if you wanted to marry him

I don't

An 'attachment', right?

I know!

But it's a year at the most

After you left me

I suffered a year. I couldn't sleep

I wanted you to be unhappy

But after a year

It didn't bother me imagining

you with another man

Holding hands holding each other

You imagined that?

Yeah

You can take revenge or commit suicide

but it's useless for writing a novel

Be nice to see you on TV for murder

You'd never do such a thing

I made you a writer

That much I'm sure of

And I've got nothing

I'm living in my glorious past

If you call it that

But you have talent

So you have something to live for

Don't talk like you're dying

And everyone?

How about you all?

Say,

Let's make a true story as we dreamt

If you want to change the story raise your hands!

Please, raise your hands!

Stop! Stop!

Whose words are those?

Don't just read your lines

You should say what's inside you

Don't act from your mind

If you don't change the story won't!

Why are you crying?

Because I want him to live

And why is that?

Because I love him

Stronger!

I Iove him!

Stronger!

I Iove him!

Alright

Never forget that

Yes

You got it?

Never get cozy with your lines!

Or the curtain will never open!

Yes!

Music

Go!

Put your life into it!

C'mon, c'mon!

Where you going? On the prowl?

Good morning

Stay in bed

What?

You should take an umbrella!

Your child will die!

You'll come back!

You'll have another man's kid in a few years

He'll desert you and you'll be lost

Then you'll come back!

Later

See you

Hey! How are you doing?

What?

What are you up to?

Drinking and sleeping

You eating right?

You okay?

Not eating much. I'm always vomiting

Have you seen a doctor?

No

You have to see one

How was it?

Told me to come on Monday

Sure it's cancer

What?

Doctor says it's a stomach ulcer

He asked me a lot how much I drink and smoke

So I have cancer

Let's go to a better hospital

A friend can refer you

You recommended this hospital

Didn't think the doctor'd be so young

It was no good

It has a gynecology clinic too

No way

Really?

That's what I thought

I remember my words when you left

That concerns me most

Shouldn't you be thinking of yourself?

Don't be disturbed

After the suicide attempts, you care about cancer

More like you care

about your attachments

Better lose the child fast

Die if you want

Realtor

Your fax got my heart going

and made me feel ill

Tell me quick!

I'm 4 and 1/2 months pregnant

So what'll you do?

There's no choice at 4 and 1/2 months

I see

Alright

What?

That's what I thought

Is it a girl or a boy?

I don't know yet

So when are you expecting?

February 1st

She's having a baby!

I know

Problems with the father

What kind of father?

A married father

Now that's a problem

Does he have a child?

No

Then there's no problem

What?

A husband and wife are strangers

Without a child, they can be strangers under the same roof

That unborn child is his descendant

Looks and personality will become similar

Go and have the baby!

It'll bring him back eventually

He's not divorcing, right?

No paternity admission or funds

You may dream of a normal life

but we shouldn't think that way

Why'd you say that?

What?

Why make her so hopeful?

She should have the baby

It's not so simple!

She won't die so easily

Not after having a baby

Serves her right!

Back when she was 1 4 or 1 5

I wondered when she would commit suicide

And now at last I am free

I'm to blame for

taking a man and getting rid of father

But she had a habit

of closing in on death

Even I

thought about killing her and dying with her

But

I couldn't

You can't die when you have kids

Women won't die

So it serves her right!

Hooray!

Hooray !

Breathe in. Stop

Now swallow

Relax

It's going in. Relax. Let the saliva drop

Your relationship with Higashi?

We're like family

I see so I'll be straight with you

Go ahead and say anything

The cancer has spread to

your lungs

Liver

and lymph joints

After consultation we decided on

drugs and radiation treatment

No point in an operation?

I believe so

How long do I have if we do nothing?

In a month you wouldn't be able to eat

And if I take the treatment?

I think 8 months

First anti-cancer drugs

and then radiation for 3 weeks

2 weeks rest, then 3 weeks of it again

And the side effects?

Nausea, languidness, loss of appetite, sore throat

Depending on the person.

Hair loss, stomatitis, inflamed gullet, stricture

Your choice ?

Have to commit suicide

He'll take it!

Guess I have to then

You serious?

Guess I should quit smoking

Good idea

'Nino' is a good name

It means 'February Field'

Also means the two countries of Japan and Korea

You eating right ? Be careful

And

I think the baby should take Japanese citizenship

I went to the city hall yesterday and they said

the child can get Japanese nationality with

the father's recognition before birth

Can choose the surname too

A prejudiced system

Now's not the time for that

Impossible

He wants to postpone telling his wife

Nationality is a lifetime issue!

So what'll you do?

No use getting angry at her

I want to have the baby but

I've got no confidence

Yeah. Because you have your work

My mother and sister have their jobs

You want me to help ?

Will you?

I'm just the old boyfriend

Well, if I wasn't this sick I guess I could help

Could you?

Smoking won't kill me. The cancer will

Don't say it again

Cancer

But

If you make the decision it'll be okay

You'll have a good child

Once you get out, will you live with me?

I'll find a new apartment

You could help with the child and

and I could cook for you

The baby's already four months

I will bring him up by myself

I don't think about to depend on anybody

I never expect that you will say this

Yeah

Couldn't imagine you raising a child yourself

Higashi Yutaka lost his mother to illness at age 7

Doesn't remember his mother's love

While I

just wanted to be free from my unhappy's 'family'

I think we both lived unbelieving in blood ties

We didn't desire 'family' but

rather something that resembled a family

Even when I lived with Higashi

for 1 0 years from 1 7 years old

I sometimes felt we were like lovers

But it was just our need for like family ties

Remember how to wash rice

because you'll have to get married someday

Hand like this

Soap?

No need

What were you raised on?

Relax

With your palm

Clumsy

You look younger

Really?

Good you can't drink

Ha. I'm drinking on the sly

You!

Hello

Hello

We'll be off now

Right

See you later

Goodbye

Hey

Yes

Remember a classmate by the name of Tanabe?

Yeah

That guy Tanabe has been phoning around

telling people

to visit me in the hospital to get energy

10 come a day and rob me of my vitality

Really

Ellen said I should go to New York for treatment

What?

Have to listen to Ellen, right?

You're really going to New York?

Somehow. some way

I have to live until your child

can call my name

You need me beside you, right?

It's been such a long time since I had

a clear reason for living

Don't worry

You'll get better

What?

It moved !

The baby just moved !

Because it wants to meet you

It wants to call your name

People care for you

more than you think

People love you

I'm sure there'll be a miracle

When are you going?

Depends on his condition

but we're thinking about December

I have to tell you that

We're not exactly behind the times

Where do you want him to die?

What's your point?

If I must die, it may as well be in the mountains

So Doctor,

can he get the same treatment here as in the United States?

Won't say that

If a medicine gets approved for lung cancer

it can't be used for other organs

In the US, one approval means

it can be used wherever

But risk comes along with that

An experiment

Experiment?

I want to see how US medical treatment can be

She could write info for Japanese cancer patients

I read several books on cancer

There're too many psychological theories about

fighting cancer and living with it

I think if I have cancer I should get treatment

Only this can help to win the cancer

Yes

Only thls can heIp to win the cancer

May as well help people if I'm going to die

It's 145 over 80

Yes

I've never seen anyone gain 15kg at nine months

The baby's weight is below average

More weight slows nutrition intake

Toxemia of pregnancy is scary

Understand ?

Yes

What is it ?

I got that guy to sign the paternity form

I'm finished

Don't want to deal with him

How long are you going to trouble people?

Don't you pity your child?

Do we need any unhappy kids in the world ?

Dear Yu Miri,

A week in New York

and my English is bad as usual

But I understand very well what Ellen says

Some interesting things

She says: 'Take off your pajamas and underwear'

I say: 'Everything? Bottom too?'

'Just the top' she says and rubs ointment

That'll be her job while I have this cold

Maybe similar to your 'something like family'

Now clearly two lives breathing within me

The more I try to protect them,

the more I feel pushed to a terrible loneliness

Today I went to a maternity school

Please tell us what you're enjoying

and how you are doing this

Yes

I used to get good massages

but since I got pregnant I get even more

We take pictures once a week for a maternity

Before going to sleep he puts

his ears up to listen for movements

Its makes me so happy

Excuse me

Tell us about the happiness you're feeling now

I'm happy...

about nothing

Nothing at all

I'm sorry

It's alright

Are you feeling okay ?

It just became the year 2000 here

Still excited about the millennium there, right?

I don't feel like celebrating

In Japan I was told I had 8 months

and 5 months have passed

The millennium of my life

You should sleep

Yeah

One more month

Yeah

Watch what you eat

I'm invited to the Okamoto house tomorrow

You met them right?

No worries if I eat Kyoko's home cooking

Go to sleep

Yeah, bye

It's ready

I

I just couldn't think you become a mother

Can see me getting toxemia though

Not too salty so it should be okay

Thank you

When's Higashi coming back?

January 8 is the plan

Somebody like him

is more suited to a place like America

He's too proud to ask for medical help

The one person he can't oppose is Ellen Stewart

Ellen Stewart?

A person who once led him to Off Broadway

She's an 80 year old black woman

but pretty spry for her age

So she's taking care of him over there?

I hear she takes care of him like a son

And Kamata of the Weekly Post helps out

plus two girls from the theatre went along

I should have gone along as well

In your condition?

Help yourself

How is it?

Delicious

Really?

It's not

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you very much

Welcome back

I'm home

You okay?

You lost all your hair.

Still have some of it left

Take off your hat

No way

We'll go ahead

Thanks

Yu,

Higashi tried his best

He still has hope

He can get projections at a Japanese hospital

Hospitals here are more optimistic now

You're stronger

I won't lose to cancer

Let's try

Yes

You okay? You screamed

I'm okay

What time is it?

After 2 a.m.

Have to work

Eat something?

No. I feel nauseous

Ouch!

What is it?

Pain in 5 minute intervals

But I'm due in two weeks

You call the hospital?

Let's go. It's not normal pain

I can get a taxi myself

How you carrying your stuff?

Why the manuscript?

PCs are forbidden

Wait I'll get a taxi

If not for his cancer,

I might have aborted the fetus

When one denied the end of life

how can one take the beginning of life away?

I felt a mysterious bonding between

the existence of the fetus and the cancer

INOCHI

Hey

You must be worn out

I'm okay

I'll give Kamata a call

You okay? I'll attach this to your stomach

We need your strength

and the baby's for delivery

This is a bit cool

Let's do our best

C'mon

Hurts?

Should I call?

Should I?

Go

Go

Go

Go

That's the way

Good! Now push your abdomen

When you feel pain, push

That's the way

Hold it in, now push

You're doing fine, good

If it hurts, exhale

Happened faster than expected

Be soon now

Now tense up if it hurts

That's right, hold it in now

This way

Here's the head. See it?

No

Don't have to strain

Put your hands down

Relax

Let's breathe correctly

Little bit more

The baby's out

Congratulations!

Congratulations ! It's a healthy boy

2 weeks early but still a big boy

Born at 9:24 a.m.

You did well

Congratulations

You were here?

Yes

The baby?

In the newborn room

A miracle

Miracle?

The rain turned to snow

after you went to the delivery room

snow fell down

the baby welcomed me

When someone's born, someone dies

That's how the world turns

While thinking of that

On January 17 at 9:24 a.m.

a 3 kg healthy baby was born

From the delivery room to the waiting room

was like a runway

A brilliant actor came down

Looked like a spotlight was on the nurse

The baby is born'

'It's a boy'

'Both are well'

I followed right after the nurse

To my left was your room

and the baby's on my right

In that room

there was only one baby

Like to hold hlm?

May I?

Here

The first person this child met

was neither father nor mother

but me,

Higashi Yutaka

I witnessed

my own rebirth right before my eyes

Held him with these hands

His birth is a miracle to me

No other way to say

Can I hold him again?

Watch his neck

Takeharu

Little Take

Mother, look at his nice long fingers

Be kind with those fingers

Don't be a boy who makes women cry

Hold him

What?

I don't know if I deserve to

C'mon, you're a grandmother

If he'll take me

Well okay then

Let's take a picture!

Really? Alright

Yu too

Okay, say cheese

I want to hold him

but I'm worried about his neck

Me too, so I haven't held him either

Shouldn't hold him before you

I really want you to hold him, Kyoko

Okay

Let's have Kyoko hold you

You'll be okay

This baby has your marks

We look similar?

Not looks, what's the word

an 'imprint'?

For me, you're a person

who has a dear fragrance,

so Takeharu

has become dear to me as well

Going up

At the New York hospital

After using Taxol,

Irinotecan was considered

I think taking Nedaplatin and

Vindeshine is more effective

If that doesn't work that means taking Irinotecan?

Japan's standards aren't low

If that's the case, give me 2 years to live

I'm not asking for a recovery or 5 years

If you can keep me alive 2 years,

I'll be grateful

What temperature again?

38C for summer, -40C in winter

OK then, here we go

Cold, cold

It's okay, into the bath

Hey! From his face, not his hair

Oh yes

Sorry

I'll wipe it later so keep going

Alright

What're you doing ? Water in his ear !

Sorry, okay, okay

Calm down

Right, sorry

Should I sleep here tonight ?

We should take turns

Not in your condition

It's OK, I'll sleep with him

What?

I don't want to disturb you but

Taxol in New York didn't work

The lung and liver cancer got bigger

Know from the endoscope

that it moved up from my esophagus

Taxol didn't work?

If it didn't work,

Why did you go to America?

Can't complain now

Let's think about the next treatment

Okay

That's enough

Okay, come here

Need to burp?

C'mon, burp, burp

Extend his life

so he can get genetic therapy

It might take a few years before genetic therapy

is advanced enough to fight cancer

How do you know?

What about immunity therapy? No probability?

I can't say for sure

That's all I can say

Shouldn't we try something with drugs for the radiation?

If immunity works

so could Chinese medicine

We act on data

Statistics mean nothing

Might work on one but not another

but either way, I want to live!

I understand

So we have to take the best odds

Trying everything will offset your chances

What's after irinotecan?

We can't think far ahead

What does that mean?

It means I'll die beforehand

We're back

Say 'We're home'

You're taking morphine?

I have to

Can't take care of Takeharu if I'm in pain

Have hallucinations?

Like Takeharu being a mad dog?

Or

an obsession to kill him with a kitchen knife

before he bites me?

Don't say such things

Could be possible though

Hey

Isn't he smiling?

What?

Hey! He smiled

He did

His first smile ever

The first!!

No seconds for you

Okay, ready Takeharu?

Now mother and daughter

Ready

Higashi too

OK, smile

Great

Thanks

I'll go get the tablet and

Higashi's good luck charm

I'll go too

And Takeharu ?

I'll take care of him

Your shoulders okay

I'm fine

Should I hold him?

It's okay

He's great. Not many men can

Okay, thanks

I'll photograph them

What'll we play with?

Don't run !

Daddy !

I'm sorry

Sorry

Good morning

Hello

We're going to Dr Oiwa's clinic

Oiwa?

You forgot?

Oh, that really radical doctor

If it's true he uses

aggressive methods I want in

We'll check if you can transfer

Anything to add to your prior questions?

Just personality

Oh

Personality is important to someone like me

That's right

And Takeharu?

He's with the Okamotos

What do you see?

Fireworks

What?

Again, exploding

I can't see them

No,

It's a fire

Smoke is rising Can't you see it?

No

A hallucination

I guess

Side effects of morphine

Not so surprising

This photo was taken on February 9th

We didn't bring one for today but

the diameter doubles in a month

The diameter doubling means 8 times the volume

Sorry to be so crude but

to us being 'spirited' is important

I'll go with someone good spirited with bad data

over someone bad spirited with good data

If the patient doesn't want to give up,

I'll go to hell and back

But they all end up dying

I just broke off with Dr Yamamuro

What?

And

He claimed hormone treatment doesn't work

On top of that

he says if we're not convinced by their methods

we should go with doctors we believe

That means transfer

Right

Dr Oiwa's no good, so hurry and find

a place with a single room and no exam

and with a high calorie drop treatment

Okay

Kamata, he split off with the doctor

Can you find anohter place for him?

Hello?

Hurry!

I faxed the office

Phone them ! A fax isn't urgent

Not good at that

There's no time for that!

80% chance

We'll have a final answer tomorrow morning

We'll think about it too

and phone you back

say hello to the editor

I got a phone call as well

Told me to help him change hospitals

There might be a place in Nagasaki

Nagasaki?

Higashi's classmate introduced it

Want to call directly?

Yes

Here's the number

Yes

095 - 801 -151 1

Sorry, could you repeat that?

095 - 801 -1 51 1

Wait. Could you hold on a second?

Then I'm hanging up

Hello

Dr Yamamuro. What's happening?

What'd he say?

Dr Yamamuro

told me to tell you directly so I will

Even if it's just keeping you on the drip

you can stay

Since he met you

he wanted to stay until the end

and he still feels the same way now

If it's okay with you, please stay

What'll it be?

Guess I'll stay

It's hard moving around

I'll rest a bit

Bye now

It's yummy, yummy

What's wrong?

Why're you crying?

Sorry, sorry

Sorry, sorry, sorry

Doctor,

anything besides morphine causing hallucinations?

Sometimes it can be mental

Mental sickness?

Even if you're not ill it can come after you

Right now Higashi

is fighting against the fear of death

How long does he have?

After one week I'm not sure

That means

it could be a week

or even tomorrow

Yes, that's possible too

It's strange

When I learned I had cancer last year

I somehow didn't feel anything

I thought that

I'd be able to accept my own death

When Takeharu gets big,

what do you want to do for him?

Well there's no time

If possible, I want to

teach him

a word

Well, not just words

Yu and I live dealing with words

So rather than just words

I really want to talk to Takeharu, talk with him

I have a strong desire to live

until I can do that

But

it doesn't seem possible

Somehow, some way, I wanted to live

until I could talk with Takeharu

Ken

Ken!

What's wrong?

Keep him busy

He's here for the meeting about the play

I'll be out later

Higashi,

nobody's coming here, nobody!

We need something for the hallucinations

Hurry before they come

Look here, Higashi

Nobody's coming, nobody

He okay?

Calm down

Don't just stand there, idiot

We're on stage

Please hurry

I'll be right back

Higashi

What's wrong?

It's too crowded here Have to get out

Higashi, Higashi

It's OK so sleep

That hurts

Sorry

I'll sleep in my own room

You should sleep with the baby

The medicine doesn't work at all

Please make him go to sleep

Please

The bathroom?

Slowly now

one, two one, two

Why's there a sponge cake here?

An illusion?

No illusion

Ms. Miyagawa brought it

Is it good?

Pretty good

I'll get tea

You skipped a line!

Go! Harder!

C'mon

Don't think, feel it idiot!

Lie down

Make a promise?

A promise?

Will you kill me?

What ? When would I?

When I have an incurable sickness,

when I'm in agony or something

or when I get Alzheimer's,

or lose myself in mental illness

When I lose control over my own life or death

Would you kill me?

Okay

Kill me if I get like that too

It's a promise

What's wrong?

You gonna choke me?

Oh, you want to hold my hand

You're a mom

How will you cook ? Can you make an omlette?

When I die,

you won't be able to live

When I die

you'll follow

I want to go

to a hot spring

We did a lot,

in ten years, here and there

with my manuscript

and my PC

Why you dressed like that?

I can go straight to the bath after

Go back and change

No, it's a pain

Get away, it's embarrassing

My belt came undone

No panties?

More comfortable

You bad girl

Can't follow you

Let's go

Let's go, together with Takeharu

Let's go

Yes

Can I have one too ?

Thanks

We were like oil and water

since the theatre days

I never thought well of you

Honestly, I hate your type

I knew that

If not for this

I'd have nothing to do with you

But now,

I'm really impressed

with you

Don't admire you but I'm impressed

Leave it to me tonight and get rest

Have to be a good mother

Thank you

Okay, okay

No other choice

Is it okay?

Here you go

How does it taste?

Looks good

Whoa, hot in here

Hot?

Nice breeze outside

Really?

Why don't you go outside for a bit?

Should we?

Go on then

Higashi, I'm leaving today

Please take care of him

Yes

Miri

Thank you

Thank you

Alright now, alright

Takeharu

Good baby, good baby

Takeharu

just before he was born,

As if to heighten the dramatic tension,

I heard later from Higashi that

the rain turned to snow

The weight of life

3 kgs incomparable to any other weight

Higashi held him with both hands

and said it was a miracle

I was able to think of Higashi,

who loves Takeharu so much,

as a miracle

Oh, sorry

Takeharu

Let's see

Higashi

When I die

you won't be able to live

When I die

You'll follow

Higashi Yutaka passed away

on ApriI 20th, 10:51 p.m.

Did Higashi want me to follow him?

I couldn't

because I'm a mother

Oh where is your house, child

My house is in a faraway land

Along a beautiful lakeside

one two, one two

Dedicated to the late Higashi Yutaka

Based on the novel by YU Miri

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