Original subtitles

Ladies and gentelmen

please welcome ellen degeneres

All right thanks

aww

thank you very much thank you

thank you thank you very much

well..thanks

what a lovely way to start work.thank you very much

I..I encourage you to do that to your co-workers

next time they are walking to work

give them that because it's a lovely way

to start your job thank you so much

What's great about this, you know you think about it...

you have a room full of people everybody is so different

and we're all here for different reasons everybody has a different story

some people are old time fans and they bought some tickets today that were on sale

I'm always appreciative...there they are ..five of them...

and..yeah look at the sits they get that's a shame...

some of you have get baby-sitters especially if you have kids

some people maybe you are in bad mood

maybe you had a fight with your boyfriend or girlfriend

or your husband or your wife

or your lover or your partner

or your "room-mate"..or..or

..your niece..The point is..

..you're in a bad mood and i now have to work even harder

to make you laugh because you have to have things in your way

and you won't go back down

but that's all right because we're all here

and with all our differencies we all have one thing in common

we're all ..gay...

Now..there are people out there going like "they think we're all gay because we're here?"

Do we look... "gay"?

I've told you this will going to happen...we're not going to understand a word of this

uhm..that's my one "obligatory gay reference" i have to say something gay

otherwise some people might leave here tonite going

"..she didn't do anything gay she's not our leader..

...what happened to our leader?"

oww..seriously there are few here that you're probably are not gay. ..I mean...

You have "tendencies".. ..you've thought about it

Now ..there are people go "I have thought about is that mean I'm gay?"

I'm not gay!!! Is that how they get us?

Now, I think that one thing we have in common it's that

we all wanna laugh and that is a beautiful thing,so..

I'm stoling it...I..uhmm...

I'm..I'm having a problem with procrastination..

..and i'm suppose to start the show and I'm not so

..this procrastination thing..

whatever I'm suppose to do ..i do other thing other than the one I'm suppose to do..

and then I fell bad about myself and i'm getting depressed

and i don't really get anything done cause i'm depressed

and I've told a friend of mine about this problem and she said...

"you should go to theraphy" and I've thought about it

..and i've thought "wait a minute" why should i pay a stranger to listen to me talk

when i can get strangers to pay to listen to me talk?

so that is when i came up with the idea of "touring"and

I've thought now i have to write a show

so i've thought "what do i wanna say?" "what do i wanna talk about?"

so i was sitting down my desk i was starring at my desk

and i've thought.. ...wow...that's dusty

I can't write with my desk all dusty like this so,

i went downstairs to get a rag and on the way downstairs

my kitten was on the stairs way playing with a piece of ..dust..or something..and uhm..

I went and pat.. cause they do that thing.. they role on the back and show you the belly

and you got an award on that you can pass that up..

so..I sat down and pat the cat for about..i don't know... 45 minutes something like that

and..then i went downstairs and by that time i forgot why i went downstairs

and i was starring around trying to remember and i thought..

I should paint this room

I wonder what color this is it looks like a white but i'm sure there are fancy names for it

..all these people..what kid of job is that to come up with name for paint colors

you know ..all the different color of whites like..egg shell,or linnen, or lily or ...off

all the different ones you know...

and i've thought maybe yellow you know..canary or banana or smoker's teeth

you know..something like that would be...

I thought..I got that right so maybe if i put some music i would be more..inspired

so i went over the cabin where i keep all my cd's...

..you've should have seen that thing

totally..dis...oh.. just

oh..everything..Meatloaf was next to the Cranberries

which...I thought it would be funny one night when i organized it by food when i was drunk

really nothing else was in there except..Brad..an uhmm

just all kinds of weirds the doors,the carpenters, the 9inch nails were together

and that didn't help anything so ..aaaumm..

I thought i have to organize these I can't put these off and so ...

and so I'm sitting in a hundreds of cd's and the phone rang

and it was a friend of mine and i said "I can't talk I'm Writting!"

and so...

..she said "I can't believe you you're so disciplined, I have such a problem with procrastination...

and i said "we should go to lunch and talk about that and so"

We went to lunch and...

we were talking about procrastination and the waitress over there heard and she said

-Listen, I have a problem with procrastination too

And i said "Really?Get my sandwhich

and..so...

But that's when it hit me that's i wanna..i shoud talk about

"Procrastination" that's the problem everybody has It's universal.."Procrastination"

and then i said "ok whom am I kidding I'm never gonna get around and write about Procrastination

and so my friend said -That's why i brought this video tape

If you watch this guy he keeps you focus, he keeps you on track you'll never procrastinate again

so, about a week later i pop in the tape

I find that if you don't press "play" right away,

someone's on TV

all the time.. we have 700 chanels now when did this happened?

when i was a kid we'd had 5 channels we didn't have remote

you'd had to hate someone bad enough..

to get up and walk that 5 feet to change the channel

damn bananas..those horses are so much louder when they run

there were simplier times back then you know, we were so easily entertained

we would watch anything we would watch a flying nun

would watch a talking horse

we're much sofisticated now watching people in bugs and and marry strangers for money

aww..we've come a long way haven't we?

it's enough to make you miss ...isn't it?

-Oh that was a great show,man.. the pace of that show

nothing ever happened on that show

when there was a time for whistling there was a long time on that show

everything was different it was just slower and longer comercials were 5 minutes long

telling us how delicious our cigaretes and alchool were

men..there were people happy drinkers and smokers weren't they?

people are still happy in comercials but now they are concentrated in 30sec they have to be happy in 30sec

and there're some happy people too that that woman in the shampoo comercial?

she's happy...

she's too happy...

i fell for it tho i bought the shampoo

I got to tell you i shampoo for good ..half an hour but i've never got that happy

finally, i just had to fake it. ..you know..cause...

i had to get out of the shower...

it's amazing ,30sec and we get invested into the characters of those comercials

you know, that old man who could eat corn and the can again...

I'm happy for him he couldn't eat for a while now i can...

that woman on a jury duty "got to go, got to go right now" sssjjjjjhhhh

-I got to go.. and the judge don't understand...

such a relief by the end of that comercial "and i don't have to go right now"

aw..fantastic..lady

those giggles are catchy..

we retain that in 30 sec, we remember all that stuff you know

because of the repetition

and i believe that one day the sitcoms would be 30sec long

cause that's all we need that's all our atention man can take

because our atention is mainly shut, we've all got atention deficit disorders

ca:ADD,OSD or one of this 3 letters disorders cos we not have the time and patience

to pronounce the entirely disorder...

that should be a disorder right there:TBD too busy disorder

what's with the sudden choice of so much disorders we've got now?

when i was a kid we just got"crazy people" that's all, just "crazy people"

all the comercials on tv now are for antidepresants like prozac, paxal

and they get you right the way

are you sad?

did you get stressed? do you have anxiety?

yes, yes i have all those things i'm alive!

I don't want to take a pill!

go to Africa, go follow a bush man around.he's getting chased by a lion.That's stress!!

you're not gonna make me pick on paxal that's what I'm telling you right now!

So i was watching the news the other day.. brought to you by..Paxal..

and now i need it smart advertising...

that's another thing when i was a kid the news was once a day.you either caught it either missed it

now the news is on 24 hours a day

and that's not all now there's a guy talking and there's a crawl down there

so you see that guy talkin and the crawl's down there and you're online an put your opinion

-and you put.. "nooo!!..i said to that nooo...!"

-I said no too,that's right...

and if you stop paying atention to crawl you go back to that guy for a minute and you catch the end of something..

what about madonna's left foot what happened?

wating for to come back around again...goes to comercials "are you sad? do you get stressed?"

there should be one crawl goin round and round"things are getting worse"..that's all we need

and the local news man you don't need to watch every broadcast they've got, don't they?

isn't enough you watch the one you want?they teases you ...to get you to watch it later on

there is so incredible cruel

"it could be the most deadly thing in the world that you maybe having it for dinner.We'll tell you what it is tonight at 11"

is it ..peas?

I feel sorry for the news-casters you know. We can turn it off

But that's their job and they have to read these stories and they're coming up at the

telep. and they don't know what's coming up and

they got to go thru these range of emotions and that.. "there were no survivors"

and next.. "which candybar helps you lose weight?"

still to come... "there's an asteroid heading toward the earth"

but first.." where to find the cheesiest pizza in town?"

also a disturbing news' study finds that studies are disturbing

they get schizofrenic by the end of it don't they?No wonder they snap when they start talking to the weatherman

you've noticed it?it's it's everywhere they go in some fantasy land when they start talking to the weatherman

.."and now let's go to johny with the weather this rain and bring us some sunshine?>"

"I'll stop the rain when you'll stop the car-j. Collen..."

the weather is actually the happiest part of the news because at some point you're

going to hear something positive you're going to hear"it's a beautiful day"

or it's going to be a beautiful day and it's nice to take in something positive

because we hear all these negative stuff and we go out into the world so chaotic

and we're not going to see it's a beautiful day, we move too fast we not even paying atention to that

and we need help to keep up to that pace so we put a cofee shop here and a coffee shop here and

and the smallest coffee isn't all

I'll have a coffee and a red bull cause i'm very very busy!

Ive got TBD and i'm late for yoga..hurry hurry!

to even try to do yoga is a joke isn't it?

i mean we're basically paying for silence that's what we're doing with that time we're paying for silence

i was in yoga the other day

I'm in full lotus position,..my mind is all clear...I'm lookin out to my third eye everything i'm suppose to be doing

it's amazing what comes up when sit in that that silence

..mama keeps whites..bright...

I can't stop that song!

there is no silence there is a constant noise all the time and people are talking all the time

and even with all the talking there is no comunication

even when we say how are you we don't mean how are you

we don't care, just give us a fine, a good or a sibling answer and move along

and don't even say "pretty good" that's a following up, pretty good.. something happen..i don't have time..

we learn our condition not to engage in full conversations, you know

because as soon as you start to talk to somebody,somebody's cell phone is gonna go off imediately

thank god they got rid of those blare rings...huh?

and we certainly don't have full conversations on cell phones

usually the reception is so bad but it's only bad on your side

the person talking to you have no clue, they just rambling on and on

you've got your fingers jump in your ears, you shu-sh-ing people on the street, you dot behind the dumpsters

so you can hear about your friend's new haircut.."what about the b.. are they shorter?"

are the ba..shorter?... ....the BAAAAAnnnnn...

at least if they are static you have a warning, an indication you're gona lose the call

you know, actually there is nothing worse than to have a crystal clear reception and you'd be rambling on...

for who knows how long only to find out they cut you out ..who knows how long ago

you learn, you get scared to ever have a full conversation ever again..

you stop yourself in between "hey so we're gonna go to the TCH shop/Hello?All right..

and so we knew that we have to have a white wine/still there? all right and

and i thought what kind of cheese would be best/did i lose you? all right

and I like mustard...

even you are on phone at home you'd going to be interrupted by something by call waiting usually

which initially was convenient but turned into many people choice awards, hasn't it?

and you find out right the way who wins or loses

you have a pleasant conversation with what you think is a good friend

you hear a click..they tell you to hold on, you're confident they're gonna come back to you

and they come back and said you know i have to take this other call.. you know what that means?

what just they've said to the other person?"Let me get rid of this other call!"

that's what you became

you don't need to take the other call you just could to let it to the voice mail that's why we have voice mails to catch those calls we've missed

the voice mail i like the best is that one that you insert your name into it and you end up sounding more like a robot than the robot

your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system-ELLEN-is not available

my goodness

is that how i say my name?Yea,hi, i like to make rezervations for dinner, there's 4 of us and the name is -ELLEN-aw!!

all this wireless tech. we can talk to anyone anywhere anytime and we just take that for granted

it wasn't that long ago that we'd had that one phone in the house

cord just had been invented back then there was a shortage of cord

maybe it had a foot or two from the wall to the phone

back then when you'd said you're on the phone you were on the phone

then the kitchen wall phone came along kind of avocado, mustard green usually a groovy color

there was a lot of cord was 19 foot cord between

you've could just walk all over the house talking on the phone

clearing tables..wraping it around the dog

so by the time you hang up that phone it just became this giant ball of cord confusion right there

but what was fun was so often you'd hold that cord and let the phone spin around itself and back again

good times..

we're loosing the simple pleasures we don't have that anymore now we have hands-free phones

so you can focus on the thing you've really supposed to be doing

you know chances are like when you need both yr hands to do something your brain should be on it too

this is me..

technology..we have all those buttons you know speed-dial, read-dial you program numbers, you not have to remember'em anymore

and so you don't you know, use it or lose it I'm losing it..

i just don't remember things anymore because all that buttons remembering things for me

you know have you ever forgot what we're gonna say.. as it's coming out of your mouth?

hey you know what...

was i gonna say?was i gonna say? suddelny forcing them to participate

we were talking about floor lamps?..no, mariah carey?no

suddelny there's are thousand dollars piramid for these people:things that taste like chiken? things that monkey would wear?

that's right we were talking about tiny hats

that's not bad when you forgot two words in but what's worse in that is when you forget what you gonna say after you've been talking for a while...

whole bunch of people sitting around and talk about some subject matter..hidious disc., they all have opinions but you don't really..

but you suddelny think.. ..hey maybe i do so you jump in there

and you start things as a pretty good opinion; when they gona hear this opinion

they would think hey she's smarter than I thought she was, I had no idea how smart she was

so you start to congrats yourself but because you've started too soon you've completely forgot the point you're trying to make..

and ..you're still talking

now they're looking at you like you don't know what you are talking about ..and you don't but you can't let them know that

so you just keep talking praying that point to come back to you and it doesn't

so you start panic cause now you didn't forgot only the point, you've completely forgot the subject matter that e-body was talking about

so now you really start panicking you start sweating,you have to loose yr tie if you're a man or Diane Keaton or Avril Lavigne

and you just try to get out of it by saying any generic statment that comes to your mind"well..six o one..

"it's a slippery..sl..p...my friend" heheh..teach a man to fish and there is no aim team"hehe

it's technology it's hurtness i say

i blame the macrowave for most of our problems

anything that gets that hot without a fire that's from the devil

you don't believe me then put a hot pack over there for 3 or 4min

pop that thing in your mouth. If that's not hell, ladies and gentlemen I don't know what it is!!!

we're lazy, we have buttons doing everything there is no physical activity attached to a-thing anymore

even the garage door opening, we used to get out of the car and open up the garage door now there is a button you push

and the car window,this became "too much" i don't want to turn buttons I just wanna fresh air"

we still use that gesture if we want someoneto roll their window down in traffic, we still use that

even nobody's got it

because we'd look like idiots if we did this...

we're lazy.we used to have breath ments now we have breath strips

they just dizolve all on our tongue for us

how lazy..can we not suck anymore?

aa..put it on..aaa i'm tired aaa...i ha.. a ha.. day!

we're lazy we're on the go we got food on the go, we've got "go-gurt" yogurt for people on the "go"

was there a big mobility problem with the yogurt before? no time consuming was it really

hello?oh hi Tom.. oh I've been dieing to see that movie

uhmm..no..i just opened up some yogurt..

uhmmm... i am in for the night

not even later..it's that kind with the fruit on the bottom

umm thanks anyway have fun..good night that's a shame

and where we go there's food there;s food everywhere we've got abundance of food

we've got only "where can you eat" places.We don't eat to be eating all we can eat

we're not bears!we're not hibernating we'll be back tomorrow night to eat all that stuff

and only in the darkness of a movie theatre we're not feeling guilty of eating a 3 pounds bag of..

we're stuck up on pop-corns and candies as if we're crossing the Sierras don't we?

"Hmm..you have any bns of hard.. or something like that?"

ok i'll have a couple of soft petzel, a hot-dog..milk...is that the largest pop-corn..that bucket?

you don't have the bear size or anything like that?you have a donkey...or anything?

i want a Diet-Coke...

there's something about the darkness we lose all our inhibitions in the darkness

is it the pop-corn really so delicious that we must shovel our hands full of it into our mouth?

then there are those people that talk the whole time during the movie

you've ever go with someodyto the movie but you didn't realize till you get there that you're with s-body like that?

brand new movie,first day it's open you're there together and the entire time they're sitting there

"where she going?"

"why he'd do that? is he mad at her?"

i don't know let's watch it and find out together, shall we?

you know who you are..

you're deying right now "I do not do that!"

"why is she saying that?what's she gonna say next?"

Then you have those people that are sitting behind you and they have that nervous foot

that just vibrates whole time and it finds its way on the back of your chair,

or they cross and uncross their legs and they kick the back of your chair and you wanna turn around and say"Please, stop it"

But you don't this is how we try to get that point with cross...

Don't they know the international signal for "that's irritating!"?

or you have these people of the rocking chair sits, they need to use your sit back as leverage to get up out of their

sit behind you?

you're just like flying back for a second there

if you're gonna be catapulted out of there for a second

now acknowledgement, no "I am sorry", no nothing. Thy're just walking away with chunks of your weave in their hand..

People, honest, have to consider their way, i find. I wouldn't mind more"please" and "thank you-s"

that wouldn't hurt anybody would it?

you ever hold the door for s-body and they just walked thru right there?

no eye contact, no thank you, no nothing you just stand there"well, you're welcome your majesty!"

sorry i didn't sprinkle rose petals for you

and then you meant to hold for just one person but suddelny is like a clown crowd let out, you just standing there..

nobody will take it from you...

you've ever run for an elevator and there's somebody there and they see you running and they're just...

like they don't want you to make it! It's awkward when you do make it!

-you didn't think you gonna make it did you?well..you did...

if s-body's running for the elevator I'm gonna try to hold the door.I'm gonna stick my arm out untill it's too risky

and it's sometimes an elevator you haven't been before and you can't find the panel with those hieroglific arrows

and you don't know which one to push? but i'm gonna let them know, as the doors are closing"I did all i could!"

we wanna be in there by ourselves nothing wrong to admit that

it's a tiny little space, close proximity to a stranger,silent..that's awkward..I would try to break that silence by saying s-thing

aaaaaaa...first day on perole

or..hey wanna smell something weird?

was funny to me as you won't say that but you're think about it when you're there with somebody and then you laugh

and then they wonder why you laugh and then...

the levator, as a convenience it is a mood of transportation, i'm all for it, takes you up high, that's fantastic

but there are sure, way of transportation that came along with.That moving side walk on airport?

I can see, you get in the airport, get on that thing,takes you right to the gate, that's convenient

but no, that't in the middle of nowhere one little section on airport like a little ride in the middle of n-where.

What's that serving..I mean is fun cos it's moving so if you're moving you're like bionic woman....

the hard thing is adjust walking again, once she get off

trying to find your pace...

what about the people who get on there and they just stand there. what's that about ?

thank got there're on there and they don't have to get anywhere

think that with even all these things that speeding up things for us and moving us along

that we get places earlier or at least we're on time,you're still have those ppl. that are late all the time

is one thing if you're late once in a while, but these people are consistainly late and they always have the same excuse

ah sorry..traffic

oh really? how'd you think i've got here? "helicoptered" in???

then they got all of defensive "sorry" and they would say it like that they not mean it

not when it goes up in the middle like that "soory" that's not sorry

that's like these ppl when they say something, like that's insulting and they end it with "kidding"...as like it erases or..s-how

-hey did you get a hair cut?hope you didn't pay for that thing..I'm just kidding

well then you don't know how to kidd properly cos we've should both been laughing

i found a lot of people don't know how to kid properly, people don't understand the definition of "kidding"

you tell s-one something sad -"my dog of 17y old just died" -"you're kidding"...?

- no..as funny as that is..i'm not

people always say things that they not mean, you know like people who say always the worst things?

the paper cut , now that's always the worst thing..is it?really? ok..

what about pickle juice in your eye that's pretty bad isn't it?

you ever had pickle juice in your eye?

boy those pickle jars, have you tried to open them lately?boy..they're vacuum sealed

you cannot open those jars,they're so tight...

you know there was a time there was a big old barrel at general store, you'd roll up.. and dip in it...those days are gone...

now they're in the jars, vacuum sealed you're trying to open 'em and you cannot get'em..squating helps s-times.. actually

and you've got always one person in the kitchen.."give it, I got 'em"...

to terminate you finally hand it over and they just pop it right off "-well i loosen it.."

and then once you get little off that's for the dangerous "the pickle juice in the eye" comes along

because the pickle juice is too the top..they aren't kiddin around with that juice are they?

man that juice is up and the pickles are packed in there like..i wish they've packed potatoe chips the way they packed pickles

it's all air there..there's just 6 potatoe chips once you get the thing open...

pickles are packed in there like.. sardines

which btw, if you opened up or not they're not packed tight like pickles. that's ..we should change

so..now..

now we got to take the pickle out of there and they're packed in there like...pickels

and so then you need help and you're looking for that little stem that's still attached to...the little dill handle if you will

ever so gently you try to lift..and it not comes off..and you knew it won't but you try

so then you have to go into the pickle claw

and the pickle clot you know it ..you know it well

it's the same claw it's upside down as the claw to get the spare toilet paper roll that hasn't drop yet

notice next time..toilet paper claw pickle claw..

then once you get the pickle out of there,sprinkle juice in your eye.. i'm not saying is the worst thing

I'm saying is bad.. the worst thing is trying to get into a brand new cd..am i right?

what is happening with those packages of cd's.these are angry angry ppl..these cd packagers

"open here"..is that ..sarcasm?

are they mocking me "open here"

and it's sealed with plastic..i've never seen ..thick thick government plastic.. that's government plastic

i've never seen that thick before civilians can't buy it..

and it's like..are they trying to keep it fresh why is it sealed in plastic?

and then you can't get into it so you just slash it with scissors or knife and that's how you have to get into everything now

all the packaging now is like that have you tried to buy scissors? you need scissors to get into scissors

what if you're buying for the first time? how you'd suppose to get in there???

battery are packaged like they don't want you to get in there!

thick laminate plastic and thick carbon..and staples like from staple gun.. what can happen to the batteries?

and then try to buy a light bulb thin thin thin carbon

open at both ends

what if they.. oh..but they will be fineee!

everything is different now: the packaging, the way you open things... toilet paper

have you tried to..if you get into a public restaurant when the toilet paper hasn't got started yet and you're the first one there

you got to find the start of it..so you start out slow at first

surely i've got it around once or twice..

and then you go fast

"maybe the wind would open the flap" ...

"maybe i'm going in the wrong way" you go back..

then back to this way again..

and when you finally found it it is glued down! they are glueing the first lap down why?

so now you try to lift it and only a quarter of an inch comes unglued

the rest of it stays glued so now you're pulling and you've got 5foot long quarter strip that you keep pulling and pulling

I don't want a streamer i want toilet paper! This is no time to celebrate!

then you try to get it started,one whole-one, there's a grove over there...then you just shove your finger across

wasting most of the roll trying to start it anew...

which never goes evenly..then you're starting to claw like an wild animal... "Jesus I just want toilet paper!"

what's happened with the toilet paper btw, in the public bathrooms?There's not even "one plain" there anymore..isn't it?

it's a sheer suggestion what toilet paper used to be..it's a..

innuendo..a ghost.. it's so thin...

and then because is so thin, it's on that huge cheese wheel size roll

it's like a spare tire roll of toilet paper

so the heaviness of the roll with the thiness of the paper..try to move it alone it's like just"please if i can have just more than one.."

please..i just..please just give me 15min later you got 5 squares in your hand ...

they're even make easier things that don't even have to be easier

you know those toilets that are flashing automatically now..which.. i don't decide it when i'm done

cause sometimes they go off randomely you're just sitting there...

OMG...How dare you?!!!!

cause then they don't go off when you want to .you just standing up and staring at the toilet

you just sit down and fake it out again..

then you got to wash your hands and you have no control over that either..the sink has to see yr hands first underneath..

then you can't decide how much water y need also;gives y a certain portion and y don't know how much y get so

you're like a little ratoon under there

and then it decides that's enough water and it's not so, you have to pull out and go pretend like new hands going back in again

and the dryer you put your hands there quickly like that and all of this to avoid germs

and you're walking to that disease full door hand and open it up

and then you're all paranoid cause your friends are waiting on the bar and you got in the bathroom for half an hour and feel weird

it's amazing how much time that we put thought in thinking about what other ppl are thinking about us

when everybody else are just thinking what we thinking about them you know..

we're so comfortable with that uncomfortable feeling that we get used with anything..

if s-body's talking to you and a tiny bit of moisture comes out and lands on your cheek

you know it's there...

they certainly know it's there...

and nobody acknowledge it,you just keep talking directly in each other eyes, acting like that didn't just happened..

wating them to just glance away just for a second so you can do that..

why?is it with that we insult them if they saw us wipe that away..that you don't want that there?!

why would you wipe my spill away??

everything makes us uncomfortable have you ever waved s-body you're sure it's them?

aww there's Nancy... -ugh it's not Nancy

we've got stuffed it all inside...

it's really bad when you get out of the way to get their attention isn't it?

oh look there's Nancy.. Nancy!!Nancyyy!!! dgod...notngh..Nancy!!!

I thought you're someone else...

didn't look like Nancy?Let's go let's go It looked like Nancy

or s-body's waving you and you know you don't know them, but you wave back anyway...

or if you are walking on the street

good day for you too, good self esteem day, you're happy with the outfit, happy with your hair,you're feeling real good about yrself..

it just takes one tiny trip to just suck the coolness out of you

can't let that happen and soon as that happen you have to get back right away

peeble..be carefull to the peeble i just trip down there...

or we're going to denial..I was just start running anyway.I didn't trip just gonna run...

like we're fooling the people across the way "oh she trip??naw..just running.."

i thought she trip but she's running... she stopped..she did trip! "you tripped!!!"

she tripped!

you've ever walked into a plate glass window?

two things are happening there pain and embarassment

but pain takes the back sit to embarasment doesn't it?

no matter how much pain you're in, if ppl are laughing you just laugh along with them..you did..

bam!!!

I just slam it, didn't I? Isn't that funny? it's so clean and shiny!!!

someone should stick on it a happy face or something!

oh my...is that blood?

I'm bleeding...isn't that funny?? I'm bleeding...

can you help me find my eye???

I lost my eye...hahaha...

I cannot FIND my eye!

when you are with someone and they are singing a song that you love

and they're singing it like you've never sung it before

and suddelny you realize you were singing the wrong words all along ..?

"does it have it" that's how they're singing it out there...

you're thinking yourself.."why i have been singing monkey's ...?"

how many people heard me singing monkey hutch...?

we all have songs that we don't know the words too..you know

some songs..you don't even bother try learning the words cause you assume n-body knows them..

you know..that Aretha F. song "Respect",that's been around long time so and we always get to that part:R-e-s-p-e-c-t..find what that means....

certain songs are weird.. that some songs are hits and some songs aren't hits like that Respects..that's a song you've hear..

and that's gonna be a smash hit cause it;s about Respect...and who doesn't want to sing along with that?but certain songs..

that Peter P and Mary song "If i had a hammer"???

that was a huge hit!I don't know why???

i think that song was written for the ppl who don't have hammers!

cause before i had a hammer I'd probably thought to myself "If i had a hammer...

I would hammer in the morning

I'd hammer in the evening.. I'd hammer all over this land if i had a hammer!!!

once you get a hammer you find out that you cannot hammer as much as you think you would

I love music, music is so important i think it's so powerfull

you can be in one mood, one state of mind,you hear a song and you trasport, you see, it changes your emotions..just by hearing a song

and even with our DDD and our memory loss

you can hear a song that you loved in the 5-th grade and remember every single word of it

and that's how powerful music is.and certainly songs, people respond differently at diff.music because it usually tells a story that we relate to

and for me..mine is Salt 'n Pepper's "Shhop"

what a beautiful tale..

oh here i go..here i go here i go again..girls what's my weekness? men..

so for me that song

that song tells my story but everyone has a different one

I know the words of that song because it was an old song,kind of, and it was on radio all the time and i used to drive along and sing to it

and you didn't hear about road rage back then people'd drive and sing all the time

and it's happening less and less now, now people are multitasking while they're driving

they're driving and talking on the phone, and putting on make-up and shaving which makes me so nervous when i see that leg upon the dash..

we're doing all these things to squeeze things together so we can save time

and i don't know about it but i don't have more time, i have less time

but let's say just we could save a big chunk of time and sit it aside.You know what we'd do with it?Nothing!

nothing.isn't that the point"to be able to be doing nothing at all"?

but we're not guaranteed that later on chunk of time, all we have is here and now and that's why procrastination feels so right

procrastination is not the problem,it is the solution

it is the universe saying "stop..slow down... you're moving too fast"

listen to the music..wow..wow..listen to the music..

because the music makes people come together make the Bush wild ...and the rebels, so

common ppl now, smile to your brother and everybody try love one another

because what the world needs now is love, sweet love and i know love is a battle field but boogie on it reggae woman

because you'll make it after all so celebrate good times ..common

i've got to stop I've got to come to my senses cause i've been right on fences for so long

opps i did it again

what i'm trying to say is..if you leave here tonite and you don't remember anything else that i said leave here and remember this:

Procrastinate now, don't put it off!

translated, syncronized and "hard worked" by ditto aka "dele" sorry for mistakes it's cause the.."procrastination"