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1
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Previously on Four
Weddings and a Funeral...
2
00:00:03,110 --> 00:00:04,939
- Fuck.
- _
3
00:00:04,940 --> 00:00:07,569
I wanna be with you, Maya.
All I gotta do is tell her.
4
00:00:07,570 --> 00:00:09,789
Hey, bitch. You ready for
the best weekend of your life?
5
00:00:09,790 --> 00:00:11,829
Yes, I'm on the red-eye tonight.
6
00:00:11,830 --> 00:00:13,327
Please, I need my bag.
7
00:00:13,328 --> 00:00:14,991
I took the wrong one off the carousel.
8
00:00:14,992 --> 00:00:17,509
Have you ever had the feeling
you've gone down the wrong path?
9
00:00:17,510 --> 00:00:19,719
I feel like that literally every day.
10
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,179
You must be Maya.
11
00:00:21,180 --> 00:00:23,559
My name's Gemma. I'm
Ainsley's best friend.
12
00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:25,989
I'm so excited!
13
00:00:25,990 --> 00:00:29,119
I'm gonna tell Maya tonight.
I feel like it's now or ever.
14
00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:31,289
You got this. You
liked her for ten years.
15
00:00:31,290 --> 00:00:33,999
- Suitcase guy?
- Hi.
16
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,259
Maya, this is my boyfriend, Kash.
17
00:00:36,260 --> 00:00:38,969
What's the deal? Is he serious?
18
00:00:38,970 --> 00:00:41,179
I mean, the last thing I
wanna do is rush into anything.
19
00:00:41,180 --> 00:00:44,979
Senator Ted Spencer has been
in an extramarital affair.
20
00:00:44,980 --> 00:00:48,949
Kaylee Haskins worked for
Spencer as a dog walker.
21
00:00:48,950 --> 00:00:51,199
That's my daughter. Her name is Molly.
22
00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:53,159
Maya.
23
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:55,079
Here you go. Good luck.
24
00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:57,969
Do you take this woman to be your wife?
25
00:00:57,970 --> 00:00:59,664
I don't think I do.
26
00:00:59,665 --> 00:01:02,349
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
27
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I don't think I do.
28
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:16,129
- I don't.
- You don't?
29
00:01:16,130 --> 00:01:19,049
Well, maybe.
30
00:01:19,050 --> 00:01:21,679
It has to be the actual words.
31
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:23,890
It's very clear about
that in the manual.
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00:01:24,850 --> 00:01:26,899
Sorry, everyone.
33
00:01:26,900 --> 00:01:29,899
I just need a minute.
Uh, enjoy the church!
34
00:01:29,900 --> 00:01:32,580
Excuse me.
35
00:01:33,950 --> 00:01:36,209
Hey, what the hell is happening?
36
00:01:36,210 --> 00:01:38,169
I'm so sorry. I don't
know what's wrong with me.
37
00:01:38,170 --> 00:01:39,419
You're just getting cold feet.
38
00:01:39,420 --> 00:01:40,509
I was feeling it too.
39
00:01:40,510 --> 00:01:41,653
- You were?
- Yeah.
40
00:01:41,654 --> 00:01:43,179
Last night, I went down this rabbit hole
41
00:01:43,180 --> 00:01:44,469
of "Should we be getting married?
42
00:01:44,470 --> 00:01:45,923
Should anybody be getting married?
43
00:01:45,924 --> 00:01:48,729
Like, is it against human nature
to just have sex with one person?
44
00:01:48,730 --> 00:01:50,149
Like, I never got to
hook up with a Greek guy.
45
00:01:50,150 --> 00:01:51,503
That could have been cool."
46
00:01:51,504 --> 00:01:53,539
But then I was like, "Shut up, Ainsley.
47
00:01:53,540 --> 00:01:56,039
You love him, and that
is all that matters."
48
00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:57,919
- Okay?
- You're right.
49
00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:00,759
So just tell yourself, "Shut up, Kash.
50
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:02,009
You love her."
51
00:02:02,010 --> 00:02:05,769
Yeah, shut up, Kash. You...
52
00:02:05,770 --> 00:02:07,229
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, my God.
53
00:02:07,230 --> 00:02:11,950
Okay, um, while we wait, maybe a song?
54
00:02:15,790 --> 00:02:18,290
Stop, stop! Why would you play that?
55
00:02:19,670 --> 00:02:21,219
Please don't do this to me.
56
00:02:21,220 --> 00:02:24,050
Ains, I can't marry you.
57
00:02:25,470 --> 00:02:27,809
- I'm sorry.
- If you say "sorry" one more time...
58
00:02:27,810 --> 00:02:29,019
Just tell me why!
59
00:02:29,020 --> 00:02:32,069
I don't know why. Sorry.
60
00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:38,289
Ainsley! Ainsley!
61
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:52,860
I hope there's still an
open bar at the reception.
62
00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:12,899
_
63
00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:23,589
- Suits?
- Donate.
64
00:03:23,590 --> 00:03:25,299
- Cufflinks?
- Donate.
65
00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:27,509
What's a men's shelter
going to do with cufflinks?
66
00:03:27,510 --> 00:03:29,609
Oh, so the poor shouldn't
care how their wrists look?
67
00:03:31,610 --> 00:03:32,939
Oh, my God.
68
00:03:32,940 --> 00:03:35,069
Look what I found in his pocket.
69
00:03:35,070 --> 00:03:38,699
This is why he did it.
He's a secret drug addict.
70
00:03:38,700 --> 00:03:40,789
I'm pretty sure that's a breath mint.
71
00:03:40,790 --> 00:03:43,839
Yes, darling, I think you're grasping.
72
00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:46,759
Well, there has to be some
reason why this happened.
73
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,269
We had the perfect relationship.
74
00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,020
You don't just throw
that away for nothing.
75
00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:55,399
And if he would just call
me and give me some kind
76
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:58,539
of explanation at least I
would know this wasn't my fault.
77
00:03:58,540 --> 00:04:00,120
Oh, sweetie.
78
00:04:02,290 --> 00:04:06,009
I have a brilliant idea. It's Saturday.
79
00:04:06,010 --> 00:04:08,889
Why don't we do game
night like we always do?
80
00:04:08,890 --> 00:04:12,559
I don't think Ainsley's
ready to throw a party.
81
00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:15,610
Actually, I would love that.
82
00:04:17,030 --> 00:04:19,409
No, but I just... I have too much to do.
83
00:04:19,410 --> 00:04:22,829
I have, like, 300 "thank-you-slash-
sorry-I-didn't-get-married" notes,
84
00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:25,919
and then I have to take everything
back to Kash's dad's house...
85
00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:28,259
No, no, no, no, no,
my sweet. We'll do it.
86
00:04:28,260 --> 00:04:30,179
I'll write the thank-you
notes, seeing as I have
87
00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:32,849
my Master's in calligraphy,
and Maya will go to Hounslow.
88
00:04:32,850 --> 00:04:35,819
Of course. Wait, to Kash's?
89
00:04:35,820 --> 00:04:39,030
I would take on both tasks.
Regrettably, I have but two arms.
90
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,209
It's better if it's you, Maya.
91
00:04:42,210 --> 00:04:45,550
You barely knew him.
92
00:04:47,470 --> 00:04:49,759
- I'll be back.
- Where are you going?
93
00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,769
Um, I'm just going for a quick run.
94
00:04:51,770 --> 00:04:54,899
Now? But we have plans to
whiten our teeth together.
95
00:04:54,900 --> 00:04:56,399
I don't remember that.
96
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:58,399
Alexa, what's our schedule for today?
97
00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:02,079
11:00 a.m., teeth-whitening with Craig.
98
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:05,079
1:00 p.m.: Go through Craig's wallet.
99
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:06,669
Thank you, Alexa.
100
00:05:06,670 --> 00:05:08,260
Be back, babe.
101
00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:20,409
Duffy! Duffy, hi!
102
00:05:20,410 --> 00:05:22,119
Oh.
103
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,579
Hi, Tabby. Or should I say, "Bonjour"?
104
00:05:24,580 --> 00:05:26,289
That's right, because
I'm a French teacher.
105
00:05:26,290 --> 00:05:28,009
- You remembered.
- Yeah.
106
00:05:28,010 --> 00:05:29,549
Are you planning on seeing
the student production
107
00:05:29,550 --> 00:05:31,089
of Angels in America?
108
00:05:31,090 --> 00:05:32,509
Because I have a spare
ticket for tonight.
109
00:05:32,510 --> 00:05:34,179
Oh, wow, um, I would love that,
110
00:05:34,180 --> 00:05:35,899
but I'm actually headed into town.
111
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:38,279
Yeah, my friends and I
sort of do this game night
112
00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:40,029
every other Saturday.
113
00:05:40,030 --> 00:05:42,989
That's sounds so much fun. I love games.
114
00:05:42,990 --> 00:05:44,789
It is fun. It's the... it's the best.
115
00:05:44,790 --> 00:05:48,169
Maybe you and your friends
should do something similar.
116
00:05:48,170 --> 00:05:52,089
True. That's a great idea.
117
00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:53,390
Yeah.
118
00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:58,729
Uh, okay. Well, um, enjoy
Angels in America.
119
00:06:04,750 --> 00:06:06,549
Kashif, wake up.
120
00:06:08,250 --> 00:06:10,169
Come on, lazy bones.
121
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:11,759
Get up.
122
00:06:13,970 --> 00:06:16,519
- Kashif.
- Baba, what?
123
00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:18,819
Good, you are awake. We're out of milk.
124
00:06:18,820 --> 00:06:21,279
- I need you to go get some.
- Can Asif get it?
125
00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:23,869
You have not been out
of the house for a week.
126
00:06:23,870 --> 00:06:26,410
You know, since your
very public humiliation.
127
00:06:27,710 --> 00:06:29,289
I remember what happened, Dad.
128
00:06:29,290 --> 00:06:31,669
Have you even called
Ainsley to apologize?
129
00:06:31,670 --> 00:06:33,969
No.
130
00:06:33,970 --> 00:06:35,139
She doesn't want an "I'm sorry",
131
00:06:35,140 --> 00:06:36,599
she wants an explanation,
132
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,309
and I don't know what to say to her.
133
00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:40,609
Well, you can't hide here forever.
134
00:06:40,610 --> 00:06:44,489
I'm not hiding. I'm processing.
135
00:06:44,490 --> 00:06:46,289
And you can't do that at Tesco's?
136
00:06:46,290 --> 00:06:49,478
Hey, Graham Norton, I can't sleep
137
00:06:49,479 --> 00:06:51,169
with this chat show going on.
138
00:06:51,170 --> 00:06:54,024
- Come on, we also need laundry detergent,
- Fine, I'm going.
139
00:06:54,025 --> 00:06:55,299
and you do all the laundry.
140
00:07:06,935 --> 00:07:08,459
_
141
00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:10,380
Hey, I'm heading to Hounslow.
142
00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,720
Were you stalking Kash's Instagram?
143
00:07:16,010 --> 00:07:19,439
Look at this caption
from six months ago.
144
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,019
"Doesn't get better than
this." What does that mean?
145
00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:22,359
That everything that
came after that trip
146
00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:23,649
was a disappointment?
147
00:07:23,650 --> 00:07:24,779
No, it means he's basic and bad
148
00:07:24,780 --> 00:07:26,529
at writing Instagram captions.
149
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:28,449
Hey, stop torturing yourself.
150
00:07:28,450 --> 00:07:30,169
That's easy for you to say.
151
00:07:30,170 --> 00:07:32,169
At least you know why
things ended with Ted.
152
00:07:32,170 --> 00:07:35,089
Yeah, he cheated on me
in a very public way.
153
00:07:35,090 --> 00:07:36,639
You know what? You're right.
154
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:38,639
I am lucky. What a cool guy.
155
00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:45,149
Do you have to leave on Monday
or can you just stay forever?
156
00:07:45,150 --> 00:07:48,409
No, I gotta get back
and figure out my life.
157
00:07:48,410 --> 00:07:49,586
Hmm.
158
00:07:49,587 --> 00:07:51,669
Besides, if you're away
from D.C. too long,
159
00:07:51,670 --> 00:07:53,379
Mike Pence turns your
office into a chapel.
160
00:07:56,010 --> 00:07:58,890
Okay, enough wallowing.
I gotta go to work.
161
00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:02,979
Hey, thanks for going to Kash's.
162
00:08:19,510 --> 00:08:21,309
Mmm.
163
00:08:40,850 --> 00:08:43,189
Come on, Molly. Your turn!
164
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,819
Molly, where you going?
165
00:08:49,530 --> 00:08:54,379
- Molly, go back to the game.
- Okay!
166
00:08:54,380 --> 00:08:55,723
Julia!
167
00:08:55,724 --> 00:08:58,089
Well, what are the
chances of seeing you here?
168
00:08:58,090 --> 00:09:00,009
'Cause I was at the park running,
169
00:09:00,010 --> 00:09:01,010
you're here, I'm here...
170
00:09:01,011 --> 00:09:02,372
Save it.
171
00:09:02,373 --> 00:09:05,109
You've been watching the
kids for forty minutes.
172
00:09:05,110 --> 00:09:06,690
The other mums think you're a pedo.
173
00:09:08,070 --> 00:09:11,279
Look, I'm sorry, but I had to see her.
174
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:12,909
Not here.
175
00:09:12,910 --> 00:09:14,669
I'll message you where. Now go.
176
00:09:41,260 --> 00:09:44,139
_
177
00:09:44,140 --> 00:09:46,559
_
178
00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:47,819
- Thief!
- Ah!
179
00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:48,963
Parcel thief!
180
00:09:48,964 --> 00:09:51,619
You are the one who keeps
stealing my Amazon boxes!
181
00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:54,619
No, no, no, no. I'm Maya,
Ainsley's friend from the wedding
182
00:09:54,620 --> 00:09:56,329
or almost wedding.
183
00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:57,709
I just brought back Kash's stuff.
184
00:09:57,710 --> 00:09:59,209
Oh.
185
00:09:59,210 --> 00:10:02,759
Of course. Thanks.
186
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:05,389
No, no, no, no. You must come in.
187
00:10:05,390 --> 00:10:07,519
I just made French bread pizzas.
188
00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:10,899
They come in a pack of four,
and there are only three of us.
189
00:10:10,900 --> 00:10:12,949
- I really can't.
- Please.
190
00:10:12,950 --> 00:10:16,039
For all the trouble you have
taken to bring Kashif's things.
191
00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:19,419
Yeah, I have a cab...
192
00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:20,669
had.
193
00:10:20,670 --> 00:10:22,719
Um, I'll call an Uber.
194
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:26,269
And you'll wait for it with a
belly full of French bread pizza.
195
00:10:26,270 --> 00:10:27,439
Come in.
196
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,609
Okay, only for a minute.
197
00:10:29,610 --> 00:10:31,489
Oh, please.
198
00:10:31,490 --> 00:10:34,280
Get up, boys, we have a visitor.
199
00:10:41,630 --> 00:10:44,599
- Maya, hi.
- Hi.
200
00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:54,569
What are you doing here?
201
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:55,949
I brought your stuff from Ainsley's.
202
00:10:55,950 --> 00:10:57,999
Really? Um, thank you.
203
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,040
I've been wearing the
same shirt for a week.
204
00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:03,799
Wait, where's the rest of it?
205
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,469
She gave it to charity.
206
00:11:05,470 --> 00:11:08,479
Oxfam thanks you for your donation.
207
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:11,779
French bread pizza.
208
00:11:11,780 --> 00:11:13,399
Thank you.
209
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,829
- Feel at home.
- I can't stay for very long.
210
00:11:16,830 --> 00:11:18,789
Maya, do you watch Mastermind?
211
00:11:18,790 --> 00:11:21,709
It's my favorite quiz
show. I'm very good at it.
212
00:11:21,710 --> 00:11:25,089
Here we go. What color are the
benches in the House of Lords?
213
00:11:25,090 --> 00:11:28,139
Trick question! There are no benches.
214
00:11:28,140 --> 00:11:29,689
- Red.
- Yes.
215
00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:31,305
Oh, it's like Jeopardy!
216
00:11:31,306 --> 00:11:33,609
I used to watch that,
every night with my dad.
217
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:36,989
See? In America, everyone
watches TV with their father.
218
00:11:36,990 --> 00:11:38,563
It's cool.
219
00:11:38,564 --> 00:11:40,329
Which composer was born in Salzburg
220
00:11:40,330 --> 00:11:42,459
on 27th of January, 1756?
221
00:11:42,460 --> 00:11:43,613
- Beethoven.
- It's Mozart.
222
00:11:43,614 --> 00:11:45,299
- Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
- Yes.
223
00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:46,679
What name of Central Asian...
224
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,179
You're so smart. That's my type.
225
00:11:48,180 --> 00:11:50,479
Don't say stuff like that.
226
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:53,069
Next in the chair now is Brian.
227
00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:02,329
Dear Mr. and Mrs.
Parsons, I truly apologize
228
00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:04,459
for the wedding's unforeseen turn.
229
00:12:04,460 --> 00:12:08,299
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Bose,
the groom acted erratically
230
00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:10,559
due to an undiagnosed brain parasite.
231
00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:13,229
Thank you for the
ceramic pumpkin tureen.
232
00:12:13,230 --> 00:12:15,739
Thank you for the six ramekins.
233
00:12:15,740 --> 00:12:18,779
I can almost see the soufflés
that could have risen.
234
00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:21,000
Yours, Ainsley.
235
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,549
Quentin, I've been at this for hours,
236
00:12:25,550 --> 00:12:27,799
and I'm only on my sixth card.
237
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,889
My hand is a frozen claw.
238
00:12:29,890 --> 00:12:31,729
Well, darling, what is
it we always say to Giles
239
00:12:31,730 --> 00:12:33,809
when faced with a difficult task?
240
00:12:33,810 --> 00:12:35,609
- "Quit".
- No, I can't.
241
00:12:35,610 --> 00:12:38,279
I promised Ainsley, and I
can't get shown up by Maya.
242
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:40,909
She's trying to steal my best friend.
243
00:12:40,910 --> 00:12:43,829
Adults with best friends.
How horribly American.
244
00:12:43,830 --> 00:12:45,549
You only say that because
all your best friends
245
00:12:45,550 --> 00:12:47,759
disappeared on safari.
246
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:50,259
Yeah, I'm sure they'll turn up.
247
00:12:50,260 --> 00:12:51,979
What was the original
profession of the writer
248
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,019
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle?
249
00:12:53,020 --> 00:12:54,113
Trick question!
250
00:12:54,114 --> 00:12:56,279
He was a character
invented by Sherlock Holmes!
251
00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:57,529
Doctor.
252
00:12:57,530 --> 00:12:58,623
- Doctor.
- Yes.
253
00:12:58,624 --> 00:13:00,557
This game is rigged against me!
254
00:13:00,558 --> 00:13:02,909
Never once a question
about Pakistan or old coins!
255
00:13:04,054 --> 00:13:07,130
Oh, uh, I should go. My car's here.
256
00:13:09,380 --> 00:13:11,469
Your visit was transformative.
257
00:13:11,470 --> 00:13:13,809
- Oh, my God.
- I'm sorry for what my brother did.
258
00:13:13,810 --> 00:13:15,479
It's not a reflection on our family
259
00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:17,029
or how we treat women.
260
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:19,449
Please consider following
me on Instagram.
261
00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:21,239
I think I will.
262
00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:22,790
Thanks for bringing my stuff.
263
00:13:25,227 --> 00:13:27,237
- Hey!
- Kenya!
264
00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:29,589
Is Ainsley doing okay?
265
00:13:29,590 --> 00:13:31,559
"Okay"? Of course she's not okay.
266
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:34,639
She got left at the
altar and has no idea why.
267
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:36,649
Why haven't you called her?
268
00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:38,689
I'm probably the last person
she wants to talk to right now.
269
00:13:38,690 --> 00:13:39,899
That's bullshit.
270
00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:41,199
You're being a coward,
271
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:43,239
and she deserves better than that.
272
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:44,499
The rings of Jupiter.
273
00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:45,670
Saturn!
274
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,829
- Ainsley.
- That's right.
275
00:14:03,830 --> 00:14:06,249
- The bitch is back.
- Oh, honey.
276
00:14:06,250 --> 00:14:07,999
I've been so worried about you.
277
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,129
I was almost certain
you'd kill yourself.
278
00:14:10,130 --> 00:14:14,680
Oh, well, thank you, Tony, but I'm okay.
279
00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:18,229
- How are things around here?
- Um...
280
00:14:18,230 --> 00:14:20,859
It has been a nightmare without you.
281
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:24,279
Tony 2 makes us start at
10:00 and work until 5:00.
282
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,999
Those would be the store hours.
283
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,040
Why don't you dust the decorative birds?
284
00:14:31,630 --> 00:14:35,389
Are you sure it's not too
soon for you to be coming back?
285
00:14:35,390 --> 00:14:37,349
Mm. Mm, I know myself.
286
00:14:37,350 --> 00:14:40,229
The best thing for me to do
is to just forget about Kash
287
00:14:40,230 --> 00:14:42,819
and weddings and work.
288
00:14:42,820 --> 00:14:43,949
Hmm.
289
00:14:45,740 --> 00:14:49,329
Hi, welcome to Ainsley Howard Designs.
290
00:14:49,330 --> 00:14:51,839
I'm Ainsley Howard. How can we help you?
291
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:54,549
Oh, we just got married and would love
292
00:14:54,550 --> 00:14:56,349
for you to decorate our new home.
293
00:14:56,350 --> 00:14:59,269
We want it to be as beautiful
as the love we share.
294
00:15:03,150 --> 00:15:05,319
Let's get started.
295
00:15:18,430 --> 00:15:20,899
Hey, Julia.
296
00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:23,439
Wow, the National Gallery.
297
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,819
And who knew they had so much great art?
298
00:15:25,820 --> 00:15:27,449
I wanted to pick a public place
299
00:15:27,450 --> 00:15:28,829
where you couldn't make a scene
300
00:15:28,830 --> 00:15:30,459
and Westminster Abbey was closed.
301
00:15:30,460 --> 00:15:31,879
They're doing another Churchill movie.
302
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,459
Well, I'll try to be quiet,
303
00:15:33,460 --> 00:15:35,679
but American talking
is British screaming.
304
00:15:36,850 --> 00:15:38,729
Sorry.
305
00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:40,519
When I contacted you a year ago,
306
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,439
it was to get medical information.
307
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:44,239
If you wanted to be a father so badly,
308
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,119
you could have tried when I
was pregnant five years ago.
309
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:47,394
I didn't know you were pregnant.
310
00:15:47,395 --> 00:15:49,789
You just left a message
saying we needed to talk.
311
00:15:49,790 --> 00:15:50,959
Which you ignored.
312
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:51,960
Because I thought you wanted
313
00:15:51,961 --> 00:15:53,379
to talk about us dating,
314
00:15:53,380 --> 00:15:55,009
and I wasn't ready for commitment.
315
00:15:55,010 --> 00:15:58,259
A child is the ultimate
commitment, you twat.
316
00:15:58,260 --> 00:16:00,019
And I don't need you breaking her heart
317
00:16:00,020 --> 00:16:01,649
when you realize that
being a parent is more
318
00:16:01,650 --> 00:16:03,820
than just kicking a
football back and forth.
319
00:16:06,971 --> 00:16:08,364
What's this?
320
00:16:08,365 --> 00:16:09,988
It's a document saying that you agree
321
00:16:09,989 --> 00:16:11,829
to give up all your parental rights.
322
00:16:13,130 --> 00:16:14,839
I want it signed by Monday.
323
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,389
Wow. You went to a
lawyer and everything.
324
00:16:17,390 --> 00:16:21,059
I am a lawyer. A very good lawyer.
325
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:23,020
Monday.
326
00:16:25,690 --> 00:16:26,909
Wow.
327
00:16:26,910 --> 00:16:28,409
You shush.
328
00:16:35,170 --> 00:16:37,759
- Darling.
- Hmm?
329
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:40,599
I was wondering, tonight
maybe we could watch
330
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,349
a bit of the snooker and maybe...
331
00:16:42,350 --> 00:16:46,029
You could stay sober and
drive me home from the club.
332
00:16:46,030 --> 00:16:48,529
No, I'm going to game night.
333
00:16:48,530 --> 00:16:49,779
I thought maybe you could come too?
334
00:16:49,780 --> 00:16:52,209
Oh, no, I'd rather die.
335
00:16:52,210 --> 00:16:54,669
Thank you, though.
336
00:16:58,430 --> 00:17:02,429
Oh, this table's lovely.
Oh, but the sharp corners...
337
00:17:02,430 --> 00:17:04,349
I just worry if we have a baby...
338
00:17:04,350 --> 00:17:08,359
But that's a long way off.
339
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:10,069
What?
340
00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:12,869
I was going to wait
until tonight to tell you.
341
00:17:12,870 --> 00:17:14,369
We're having a baby?
342
00:17:14,370 --> 00:17:17,129
Yeah!
343
00:17:17,130 --> 00:17:20,509
- Do you have any champagne?
- Sure.
344
00:17:20,510 --> 00:17:22,519
Let me get some.
345
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:26,689
Congratulations, again.
346
00:17:26,690 --> 00:17:28,489
Thank you.
347
00:17:36,250 --> 00:17:38,549
Every time a relationship has ended,
348
00:17:38,550 --> 00:17:41,759
I've always known
why: mooch, possessive,
349
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,349
kisses his mom on the
lips, is Russell Brand.
350
00:17:44,350 --> 00:17:46,389
But with Kash, I don't know why.
351
00:17:48,190 --> 00:17:49,649
And I loved him so much.
352
00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:51,949
Mm-hmm.
353
00:17:51,950 --> 00:17:55,249
- What do you mean "mm-hmm"?
- I'm agreeing with you.
354
00:17:55,250 --> 00:17:56,829
No, that's the "mm-hmm" you give me
355
00:17:56,830 --> 00:17:58,049
when I ask if I would
look good with bangs,
356
00:17:58,050 --> 00:17:59,050
which I would, by the way.
357
00:17:59,051 --> 00:18:00,629
Mm-hmm.
358
00:18:00,630 --> 00:18:02,969
Listen, when I was 14,
I fell madly in love
359
00:18:02,970 --> 00:18:05,479
with George Michael,
knew everything about him.
360
00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:08,399
Likes: cross earrings,
dislikes: famine in Africa.
361
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,109
In my mind, we were one.
362
00:18:10,110 --> 00:18:11,909
Okay, what does this have
to do with me and Kash?
363
00:18:11,910 --> 00:18:14,159
I'm afraid you knew your fiancé less
364
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:17,499
than I knew George
Michael, whom I never met.
365
00:18:17,500 --> 00:18:19,709
Excuse me, we were soul mates.
366
00:18:19,710 --> 00:18:21,839
Okay, so, what did you
get him for his birthday?
367
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:23,429
Whiskey stones and an iPad.
368
00:18:23,430 --> 00:18:24,929
Oh, my God, such a great gift.
369
00:18:24,930 --> 00:18:27,979
- Yeah.
- If he were your stepfather.
370
00:18:27,980 --> 00:18:30,779
Tell me... tell me what
you liked about him.
371
00:18:32,410 --> 00:18:36,790
The sex was great, he's
charming, he's smart...
372
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:41,590
I liked the way he dressed.
373
00:18:44,010 --> 00:18:48,439
Maybe the things I love
about him transcended words.
374
00:19:01,050 --> 00:19:04,049
Hey, yo, Kash! Kash!
375
00:19:04,050 --> 00:19:06,469
Yo, my brother! Come here, man.
376
00:19:06,470 --> 00:19:07,679
- Basheer.
- Yeah.
377
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,684
- How's it going, man?
- I heard you was back in our ends.
378
00:19:09,685 --> 00:19:10,727
It's been ages, man.
379
00:19:10,728 --> 00:19:13,321
Yeah, temporarily. Yeah,
I'm staying with my dad.
380
00:19:13,322 --> 00:19:15,215
Yes, of course. I heard
about the wedding.
381
00:19:15,216 --> 00:19:16,909
I'm very sorry about that.
382
00:19:16,910 --> 00:19:18,459
Literally everyone's been
talking about it, though.
383
00:19:18,460 --> 00:19:20,539
You need to know that, yeah?
384
00:19:20,540 --> 00:19:22,209
Not that I have any
confirmed details, of course,
385
00:19:22,210 --> 00:19:23,799
'cause it's not like you invited me
386
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,049
or any of the old crew, so...
387
00:19:25,050 --> 00:19:26,389
Oh, right, yeah.
388
00:19:26,390 --> 00:19:29,019
I'm... I'm sorry about that, man.
389
00:19:29,020 --> 00:19:30,649
I guess you're not going
on the honeymoon then.
390
00:19:30,650 --> 00:19:32,989
No, just staying at home
every night with my dad.
391
00:19:32,990 --> 00:19:34,819
That's great news. I'll tell you why.
392
00:19:34,820 --> 00:19:37,539
That means you're free to
come to my house party tonight.
393
00:19:37,540 --> 00:19:40,119
- Uh...
- Listen, it's a real "who's who" of Hounslow.
394
00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:41,919
- Especially now you're coming.
- I don't know, man.
395
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,759
I'm... I'm not really in the
mood to go to a party tonight.
396
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:44,839
Listen, I understand.
397
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,389
You're emotional,
398
00:19:46,390 --> 00:19:48,389
but this ain't no normal
house party, brother.
399
00:19:48,390 --> 00:19:51,349
This is DJ Foreplay's farewell tour.
400
00:19:51,350 --> 00:19:53,149
Right, yeah, DJ Foreplay. What was it?
401
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:56,239
"He gets you hot and bothered
before the main event."
402
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,579
- So I'll see you there?
- No, probably not, man.
403
00:19:58,580 --> 00:20:01,369
- I'll see you there.
- No, I don't think so.
404
00:20:01,370 --> 00:20:03,049
- Kash, I'ma see you there!
- Later, Bash.
405
00:20:03,050 --> 00:20:05,509
- Good to see you, man.
- Kash, you're coming.
406
00:20:05,510 --> 00:20:07,299
Yeah.
407
00:20:13,650 --> 00:20:20,369
_
408
00:20:20,370 --> 00:20:21,830
_
409
00:20:24,710 --> 00:20:26,259
_
410
00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:31,540
Fuck.
411
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,999
- I need to talk to you.
- Oh, my God! I'm naked.
412
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,419
Well, if you don't want
me to see you naked,
413
00:20:42,420 --> 00:20:43,629
don't take a bath in my tub.
414
00:20:43,630 --> 00:20:45,209
But we don't have tubs at Peath
415
00:20:45,210 --> 00:20:47,049
and they make the teachers
use the boys' showers
416
00:20:47,050 --> 00:20:49,559
and showerheads are so low
that I have to sit on a stool.
417
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,219
Look, I need to know something.
418
00:20:51,220 --> 00:20:54,149
In college, did Craig and
Maya ever have a thing?
419
00:20:54,150 --> 00:20:55,529
What? No.
420
00:20:55,530 --> 00:20:58,659
I'm the one that... uh, that knows Craig
421
00:20:58,660 --> 00:21:00,989
better than anyone,
and there has never been
422
00:21:00,990 --> 00:21:02,039
anything with Maya.
423
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:03,119
I don't know.
424
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:04,169
They've been friends forever
425
00:21:04,170 --> 00:21:05,799
and have great chemistry.
426
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:07,259
Actually, I have better
chemistry with her.
427
00:21:07,260 --> 00:21:08,929
When we banter, people are like,
428
00:21:08,930 --> 00:21:11,059
"What? Is this the Gilmore Girls?"
429
00:21:11,060 --> 00:21:12,479
Well, something dodgy's going on.
430
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,439
Look, I found this necklace.
431
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,859
It's obviously for Maya.
432
00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:18,279
Okay, whoa, whoa.
433
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,779
Let's not jump to any conclusions, okay?
434
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:24,919
"M" could mean anything:
Mary, Meghan, Monica...
435
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,339
Those are other women. That
doesn't make me feel better.
436
00:21:27,340 --> 00:21:29,719
God, Duffy.
437
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:31,559
Why don't you just ask him?
438
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,679
Because I don't want him
to think I'm some type
439
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:35,939
of ultra-possessive paranoid girlfriend,
440
00:21:35,940 --> 00:21:38,439
which, yes, obviously I am, Duffy!
441
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:40,909
But who wouldn't be with
all these Ms running around
442
00:21:40,910 --> 00:21:42,369
stealing everyone's men?
443
00:21:42,370 --> 00:21:43,499
Do you want me to talk to him?
444
00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:44,999
No.
445
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:46,539
And don't mention the necklace.
446
00:21:46,540 --> 00:21:48,339
The suds have moved.
I've seen your penis.
447
00:21:48,340 --> 00:21:50,759
Oh... Oh, God. What?
448
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,690
_
449
00:22:02,450 --> 00:22:04,749
Dad, this TV sucks.
450
00:22:04,750 --> 00:22:06,119
What happened to the one I got you?
451
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:07,839
I gave it to Sumro from masjid.
452
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:10,049
He's just moved from
Pakistan and missed his wife,
453
00:22:10,050 --> 00:22:11,549
so I thought I could cheer him up.
454
00:22:11,550 --> 00:22:13,219
I already gave it to a Pakistani man
455
00:22:13,220 --> 00:22:15,229
who misses his wife, you.
456
00:22:15,230 --> 00:22:19,279
Pfft.
457
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,489
It may not feel like
it, but in the long run,
458
00:22:21,490 --> 00:22:23,829
maybe this was for the best.
459
00:22:23,830 --> 00:22:25,539
I know, because she wasn't Muslim,
460
00:22:25,540 --> 00:22:27,209
and she didn't know how to make roti.
461
00:22:27,210 --> 00:22:29,089
No, no, no, because
something was telling you
462
00:22:29,090 --> 00:22:30,719
this wasn't right.
463
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:34,719
And even though it
wasn't easy, you listened.
464
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:35,809
Thanks, Dad.
465
00:22:35,810 --> 00:22:37,189
And now, I have something
466
00:22:37,190 --> 00:22:38,809
which will really cheer you up.
467
00:22:38,810 --> 00:22:40,279
- Lagaan.
- No, Dad, no.
468
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:42,199
Look, I've watched Lagaan 700 times.
469
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,159
It will definitely not cheer me up.
470
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:45,259
Ha.
471
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:50,169
Fine, I'll just watch
it then. My wife is dead.
472
00:22:55,970 --> 00:22:59,019
Actually, um, I've got plans tonight.
473
00:22:59,020 --> 00:23:00,650
Love you.
474
00:23:07,790 --> 00:23:10,289
Uh, "binta's" not a word.
Use it in a sentence.
475
00:23:10,290 --> 00:23:13,339
I've never "binta" the opera.
476
00:23:13,340 --> 00:23:14,347
Just give it to her.
477
00:23:16,010 --> 00:23:18,559
Okay, yeah, that's a triple word score,
478
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:20,269
so she just won.
479
00:23:20,270 --> 00:23:21,779
Wow, good job.
480
00:23:21,780 --> 00:23:24,280
Okay, I'm gonna make a toast.
481
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:29,119
To Ainsley,
482
00:23:29,120 --> 00:23:32,589
who's had a terrible week.
483
00:23:32,590 --> 00:23:35,339
Maybe the worst week a
woman can possibly have.
484
00:23:35,340 --> 00:23:37,849
Well, Joan of Arc, Marie Antoinette,
485
00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:40,689
basically any woman born before 1900...
486
00:23:42,190 --> 00:23:45,989
But the point is, is that we love you,
487
00:23:45,990 --> 00:23:47,239
and you'll get through this.
488
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:49,409
We'll help you get through this.
489
00:23:49,410 --> 00:23:51,039
And Kash sucks.
490
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,630
Kash sucks.
491
00:23:54,510 --> 00:23:56,299
- A fox!
- No, no, no, no.
492
00:23:56,300 --> 00:23:59,349
Okay, wait, wait, a squirrel.
493
00:23:59,350 --> 00:24:01,059
How do you say... they're
not supposed to be words.
494
00:24:01,060 --> 00:24:02,899
- You're the worst drawer...
- I am not!
495
00:24:02,900 --> 00:24:04,739
- Your hair smells woodsy.
- What?
496
00:24:04,740 --> 00:24:06,779
- Is that a new shampoo?
- Woodsy?
497
00:24:06,780 --> 00:24:08,409
Oh, it's nothing.
498
00:24:08,410 --> 00:24:10,289
Um, hey, can I ask you
a question about Quentin?
499
00:24:10,290 --> 00:24:12,169
You mean my useless
husband who's too lazy
500
00:24:12,170 --> 00:24:14,209
to attend a party that is
literally across the street?
501
00:24:14,210 --> 00:24:15,303
Yes, what about him?
502
00:24:15,304 --> 00:24:16,759
What did you get him for his birthday?
503
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,389
A paperweight.
504
00:24:18,390 --> 00:24:21,349
Right, a normal,
practical birthday present.
505
00:24:21,350 --> 00:24:23,479
Well, I hand carved it in the shape
506
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:25,860
of a pet tortoise from
his boyhood in Kenya.
507
00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:28,949
Oh.
508
00:24:28,950 --> 00:24:31,250
I'm sorry, I don't know
what I'm doing here.
509
00:24:33,330 --> 00:24:35,670
So, I shouldn't sign the papers, right?
510
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,269
Well, what does Zara think?
511
00:24:40,270 --> 00:24:42,309
Um, well...
512
00:24:42,310 --> 00:24:43,729
Craig, you still haven't told her?
513
00:24:43,730 --> 00:24:45,149
- Look...
- Oh, my God.
514
00:24:45,150 --> 00:24:46,899
My girlfriend is not my confidante.
515
00:24:46,900 --> 00:24:50,119
My girlfriend is who I
impress with fancy restaurants
516
00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:52,369
and make laugh with my seven jokes.
517
00:24:52,370 --> 00:24:56,879
But this serious shit, this
is why I have friends like you.
518
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:58,759
I mean, you need to think
about this little girl.
519
00:24:58,760 --> 00:24:59,853
I am.
520
00:24:59,854 --> 00:25:01,183
I mean, who wouldn't want a dad
521
00:25:01,184 --> 00:25:03,059
who has a PlayStation
in every room, huh?
522
00:25:03,060 --> 00:25:05,150
I don't know.
523
00:25:06,530 --> 00:25:09,659
Hey, come here.
524
00:25:11,750 --> 00:25:13,789
It's a hat. Oh, it's a...
525
00:25:13,790 --> 00:25:15,089
It's a scythe.
526
00:25:15,090 --> 00:25:16,419
Rail... a rail.
527
00:25:16,420 --> 00:25:18,719
Are you listening? I'm saying it.
528
00:25:29,070 --> 00:25:32,119
You came! This party's kickin'!
529
00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:34,079
So good to see you,
bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
530
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:35,839
Of course, brother, yeah.
531
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:37,209
♪ The iceman cometh ♪
532
00:25:37,210 --> 00:25:39,049
It's my guy, the one, the only,
533
00:25:39,050 --> 00:25:41,139
Kashif Khan in the apartment!
534
00:25:41,140 --> 00:25:44,389
Bam-ba-ba-ba-ba-bam-bam-bam-bam ba-bam!
535
00:25:44,390 --> 00:25:46,229
Ha-ha!
536
00:25:46,230 --> 00:25:48,529
Sorry, they thought you were
gonna be a lady, innit, so...
537
00:25:54,710 --> 00:25:56,539
♪ The iceman cometh ♪
538
00:26:03,970 --> 00:26:06,939
- What are you doing?
- Nothing. Nothing.
539
00:26:06,940 --> 00:26:09,569
It's just, um, Ted texted me.
540
00:26:09,570 --> 00:26:11,819
He's in town, wants to see me.
541
00:26:11,820 --> 00:26:13,369
- What?
- Crazy, right?
542
00:26:13,370 --> 00:26:15,249
In no world are you ever thinking about
543
00:26:15,250 --> 00:26:17,249
seeing that guy again, except
in The New York Times,
544
00:26:17,250 --> 00:26:18,629
Headline: "Asshole Resigns."
545
00:26:18,630 --> 00:26:20,299
I am obviously not going to see him.
546
00:26:20,300 --> 00:26:22,219
I was just telling you,
because it's so hilarious
547
00:26:22,220 --> 00:26:23,299
he thinks I might.
548
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:27,349
He did fly all the way to London.
549
00:26:27,350 --> 00:26:29,149
- Maya!
- It's nothing. It's nothing.
550
00:26:29,150 --> 00:26:31,570
Please don't tell anybody.
I don't wanna hear about it.
551
00:26:32,740 --> 00:26:35,870
Okay, I won't.
552
00:26:39,460 --> 00:26:42,009
My turn, my turn, my turn.
553
00:26:42,010 --> 00:26:43,010
Oh.
554
00:26:43,011 --> 00:26:44,053
Okay.
555
00:26:44,054 --> 00:26:46,309
This person is a man, uh, an adulterer,
556
00:26:46,310 --> 00:26:48,559
a politician, and a huge asshole.
557
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:49,899
Uh, Anthony Weiner.
558
00:26:49,900 --> 00:26:51,069
Ted Spencer.
559
00:26:51,070 --> 00:26:52,359
Nice.
560
00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:53,529
Ooh, this guy. Yep.
561
00:26:53,530 --> 00:26:55,029
He's a total fraud,
562
00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:56,499
he's a senator, and I wish he was dead,
563
00:26:56,500 --> 00:26:57,669
because he screwed over Maya.
564
00:26:57,670 --> 00:26:58,879
Ted Spencer.
565
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:01,129
Ted Spencer, okay. My turn.
566
00:27:01,130 --> 00:27:02,629
Oh, okay, this guy sucks.
567
00:27:02,630 --> 00:27:04,179
He's like a monster and a total pervert.
568
00:27:04,180 --> 00:27:06,219
It's Ted. They're all Ted, I get it.
569
00:27:06,220 --> 00:27:07,889
You've made your point.
570
00:27:07,890 --> 00:27:10,109
That one was Harvey Weinstein.
571
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:13,779
As Ainsley has apparently told you,
572
00:27:13,780 --> 00:27:15,409
Ted is in London.
573
00:27:15,410 --> 00:27:17,199
And guess what. I'm
going to see him tomorrow.
574
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:19,209
But guys, I'm not getting
back together with him, okay?
575
00:27:19,210 --> 00:27:21,589
I am just going so I can end it forever
576
00:27:21,590 --> 00:27:22,629
and get some closure.
577
00:27:22,630 --> 00:27:23,839
Boo!
578
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:25,009
Closure isn't real.
579
00:27:25,010 --> 00:27:26,219
It was something women invented
580
00:27:26,220 --> 00:27:27,809
to pester the men who dumped them.
581
00:27:27,810 --> 00:27:29,309
I think Maya should give it another try.
582
00:27:29,310 --> 00:27:31,069
She could be in a committed relationship
583
00:27:31,070 --> 00:27:32,359
thousands of miles away from here.
584
00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:33,609
Wouldn't that be nice?
585
00:27:33,610 --> 00:27:35,489
Maya, you're an amazing catch.
586
00:27:35,490 --> 00:27:36,490
You don't need him.
587
00:27:36,491 --> 00:27:37,949
She knows that, Craig.
588
00:27:37,950 --> 00:27:39,499
She doesn't need her
male platonic friend
589
00:27:39,500 --> 00:27:40,749
telling her that.
590
00:27:40,750 --> 00:27:42,959
Enough! I am going to see Ted.
591
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:44,339
I am an adult, okay?
592
00:27:44,340 --> 00:27:47,219
Please respect my decision.
593
00:27:47,220 --> 00:27:48,389
Maya.
594
00:27:48,390 --> 00:27:51,189
- Maya.
- Maya, come on.
595
00:27:51,190 --> 00:27:53,399
It was Ainsley's idea!
596
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,070
I'm so sorry.
597
00:27:56,450 --> 00:27:57,909
♪ And the place is hot ♪
598
00:27:57,910 --> 00:28:00,289
Nice. You went to Disneyland Paris.
599
00:28:00,290 --> 00:28:02,669
I didn't just go to Disneyland Paris.
600
00:28:02,670 --> 00:28:06,179
I met Lumière, Le Cars,
Goofy was there as well.
601
00:28:06,180 --> 00:28:07,929
Can you believe that? It
was a sick day, you know.
602
00:28:07,930 --> 00:28:09,389
Ha!
603
00:28:09,390 --> 00:28:12,059
Cool, uh, I should probably head out.
604
00:28:12,060 --> 00:28:13,609
You know, I didn't bring you here
605
00:28:13,610 --> 00:28:15,819
to see all that, now did I?
606
00:28:15,820 --> 00:28:17,279
I brought you here to see this.
607
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:18,989
So, my mum's cleaning
out my old bedroom.
608
00:28:18,990 --> 00:28:20,119
She's turning it into a Zumba studio
609
00:28:20,120 --> 00:28:21,749
or some shit like that...
610
00:28:21,750 --> 00:28:23,040
she found this.
611
00:28:24,500 --> 00:28:26,799
Are you ready? I hope
you're ready, brother.
612
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:29,009
- 'Ello, my boys.
- 'Ello.
613
00:28:29,010 --> 00:28:30,519
You seem a bit down and out, mate.
614
00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:31,689
I suppose.
615
00:28:31,690 --> 00:28:33,059
What's the problem, then?
616
00:28:33,060 --> 00:28:34,609
That, my friend, is Oliver Twist
617
00:28:34,610 --> 00:28:36,779
at the Hounslow.
618
00:28:36,780 --> 00:28:39,159
- And I haven't eaten a thing.
- Seven days?
619
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:40,999
What were we, like, 12
years old there or something?
620
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,419
We were 10.
621
00:28:42,420 --> 00:28:44,749
I'm Oliver. Oliver Twist.
622
00:28:44,750 --> 00:28:46,469
You were amazing.
623
00:28:46,470 --> 00:28:47,839
I always thought you were
gonna be an actor, you know?
624
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:49,429
Nearly did.
625
00:28:49,430 --> 00:28:51,349
I did a lot of theater at Cambridge,
626
00:28:51,350 --> 00:28:54,269
but after graduation, I
had to get a proper job.
627
00:28:54,270 --> 00:28:55,779
Yeah, I feel you.
628
00:28:55,780 --> 00:28:57,069
That's why I work at a cell phone store,
629
00:28:57,070 --> 00:28:58,699
even though my passion is DJing.
630
00:28:58,700 --> 00:29:00,279
Speaking of, are you
happy with your plan, man?
631
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:02,999
Oh, not the time, huh?
632
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:04,629
Not the time.
633
00:29:51,970 --> 00:29:54,519
I cannot believe you dressed up for him.
634
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,519
- I didn't.
- You're wearing a padded bra.
635
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:57,859
- No, I'm not.
- Let me honk your boob.
636
00:29:57,860 --> 00:29:58,939
Okay. Okay, fine.
637
00:29:58,940 --> 00:30:00,489
Why is it so bad I look hot
638
00:30:00,490 --> 00:30:01,699
when I tell Ted to go to hell?
639
00:30:01,700 --> 00:30:03,489
Because you're not going to.
640
00:30:03,490 --> 00:30:04,959
You're just giving him the opportunity
641
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:06,669
to talk his way back into your life.
642
00:30:06,670 --> 00:30:09,379
Look, I know you don't trust me,
643
00:30:09,380 --> 00:30:10,839
but I need to sort this out with him
644
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:12,049
before I go back to D.C.
645
00:30:12,050 --> 00:30:13,349
Well, here's an idea.
646
00:30:13,350 --> 00:30:15,139
Don't go back to D.C.
647
00:30:15,140 --> 00:30:18,189
Stay here and try to figure
out your life without him.
648
00:30:18,190 --> 00:30:19,779
Ainsley, come on. That's crazy.
649
00:30:19,780 --> 00:30:21,199
Is it?
650
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:23,199
You love London, all
our friends are here,
651
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:24,869
maybe you could meet somebody new.
652
00:30:24,870 --> 00:30:26,910
There are still a couple
minor royals you can marry.
653
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:33,679
I'm sorry.
654
00:30:49,590 --> 00:30:50,919
Oh, my God, Liz.
655
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:55,099
Yeah, my husband couldn't make it.
656
00:30:55,100 --> 00:30:56,729
What are you doing here?
657
00:30:56,730 --> 00:30:58,479
Ted and I are on a
"let's save our marriage"
658
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:01,189
European vacation, which
I thought was going well
659
00:31:01,190 --> 00:31:03,659
until I caught him texting with you.
660
00:31:03,660 --> 00:31:05,829
Hey, gal pals. I'm Stephen.
661
00:31:05,830 --> 00:31:07,539
I'll be helping you ladies out.
662
00:31:07,540 --> 00:31:09,039
Have you had a chance to
take a peek at the menu?
663
00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:10,669
Just a bottle of wine.
We don't care what kind.
664
00:31:10,670 --> 00:31:12,259
Ooh, liquid lunch.
665
00:31:12,260 --> 00:31:15,349
Well, I'm sure it's wine
o'clock somewhere, right?
666
00:31:15,350 --> 00:31:18,349
Listen, I am so sorry.
667
00:31:18,350 --> 00:31:20,149
You need to know the only
reason I came here was
668
00:31:20,150 --> 00:31:21,313
to end it for good.
669
00:31:21,314 --> 00:31:23,359
You're not dressed like
you were here to end it.
670
00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:25,069
Nice padded bra, by the way.
671
00:31:25,070 --> 00:31:27,289
I didn't mean to fall in
love with your husband.
672
00:31:27,290 --> 00:31:30,249
No. You're not the victim here.
673
00:31:30,250 --> 00:31:32,459
Which of you gals would
like to taste the wine?
674
00:31:32,460 --> 00:31:34,130
No, "gal", just get out of here.
675
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:38,479
Ted and I are making it work
until my youngest turns 18,
676
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:40,559
and then I'm divorcing him,
taking all of his money,
677
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:42,439
and doing a Grace and
Frankie with my friend.
678
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:45,409
But until then, I am
staying in this marriage,
679
00:31:45,410 --> 00:31:50,209
and I will not have my
children embarrassed again.
680
00:31:50,210 --> 00:31:52,709
Yes, of course, I will
call him and end it...
681
00:31:52,710 --> 00:31:55,089
No, do not call him, do not text,
682
00:31:55,090 --> 00:31:57,929
do not meet for coffee to "get closure",
683
00:31:57,930 --> 00:32:00,020
just disappear.
684
00:32:01,020 --> 00:32:03,109
Okay.
685
00:32:03,110 --> 00:32:04,900
I'm really sorry.
686
00:32:07,950 --> 00:32:10,709
Look, I know this is
more his fault than yours,
687
00:32:10,710 --> 00:32:13,459
so let me give you a piece of advice.
688
00:32:13,460 --> 00:32:15,220
Don't fuck another woman's husband.
689
00:32:18,180 --> 00:32:20,100
And don't build your life around a man.
690
00:32:29,290 --> 00:32:32,209
Oh, my God.
691
00:32:51,830 --> 00:32:53,419
I know I should have come sooner.
692
00:32:53,420 --> 00:32:54,999
Before you give me
some bullshit apology,
693
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:56,839
I should warn you, one
of my Texas relatives
694
00:32:56,840 --> 00:32:58,299
gave us a gun as a wedding present.
695
00:32:58,300 --> 00:33:00,009
I'm not here to apologize.
696
00:33:00,010 --> 00:33:03,149
I'm here to explain why,
and if the explanation sucks,
697
00:33:03,150 --> 00:33:05,069
you can shoot me.
698
00:33:05,070 --> 00:33:06,689
Fine.
699
00:33:06,690 --> 00:33:08,529
I called off the wedding,
because the person
700
00:33:08,530 --> 00:33:09,829
you were marrying was a lie.
701
00:33:09,830 --> 00:33:10,989
Okay, I'm getting my gun.
702
00:33:10,990 --> 00:33:12,329
Wait, wait, wait!
703
00:33:12,330 --> 00:33:15,209
Look, my whole life I've been trying
704
00:33:15,210 --> 00:33:17,719
to be something I'm not.
705
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:21,509
I was embarrassed of who
I was and where I was from.
706
00:33:21,510 --> 00:33:24,099
So I thought, "Who else can I be?"
707
00:33:24,100 --> 00:33:26,229
And what I landed on was this.
708
00:33:26,230 --> 00:33:27,779
An asshole.
709
00:33:27,780 --> 00:33:30,739
Yeah, kind of.
710
00:33:30,740 --> 00:33:32,959
I went to university and
dropped all of my mates
711
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:35,539
and pretended I had an
interest in municipal bonds
712
00:33:35,540 --> 00:33:38,679
and got engaged to a
beautiful, funny American girl,
713
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:41,240
who I didn't believe would have
been interested in the first guy.
714
00:33:42,350 --> 00:33:44,729
And the point is, I'm a massive fraud.
715
00:33:46,230 --> 00:33:48,739
And I'm incredibly sorry I
didn't figure this out until
716
00:33:48,740 --> 00:33:50,819
the day of our wedding,
717
00:33:50,820 --> 00:33:53,659
but I hope you can see that
none of this was your fault.
718
00:33:56,960 --> 00:34:01,009
You know, I've been waiting all week
719
00:34:01,010 --> 00:34:02,969
to hear why you decided to blow up
720
00:34:02,970 --> 00:34:04,439
our perfect relationship,
721
00:34:05,940 --> 00:34:07,499
but it wasn't perfect.
722
00:34:08,900 --> 00:34:10,419
I didn't really know you,
723
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:15,790
and the disturbing
thing is, I didn't care.
724
00:34:17,290 --> 00:34:21,009
Because I liked that
fake guy you described,
725
00:34:21,010 --> 00:34:23,719
and I wanted to marry him.
726
00:34:28,150 --> 00:34:29,570
Before you go...
727
00:34:37,210 --> 00:34:38,999
This is yours.
728
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:47,019
- Ains, I'm really sorry.
- You should be.
729
00:35:07,230 --> 00:35:09,569
I just spoke to Ainsley. You were right.
730
00:35:09,570 --> 00:35:11,899
I owed her an explanation,
and to be honest...
731
00:35:11,900 --> 00:35:15,409
Yeah, to Ainsley... not me.
732
00:35:41,420 --> 00:35:43,469
Hey, hey, I made nachos.
733
00:35:43,470 --> 00:35:45,929
Fully loaded, queso,
'peños. You want some?
734
00:35:45,930 --> 00:35:48,479
Yeah.
735
00:35:50,100 --> 00:35:51,689
Do you have a thing for Maya?
736
00:35:51,690 --> 00:35:53,739
What? No!
737
00:35:53,740 --> 00:35:56,829
Then why did you buy her
a necklace with an M on it?
738
00:35:56,830 --> 00:35:59,579
That... wasn't for her.
739
00:35:59,580 --> 00:36:01,419
How do you know about that?
740
00:36:01,420 --> 00:36:04,169
I-I went through your stuff.
741
00:36:04,170 --> 00:36:06,219
I wanted to know your clothing sizes
742
00:36:06,220 --> 00:36:08,009
for future birthdays.
743
00:36:08,010 --> 00:36:10,389
Dude, your feelings for
Maya are making you crazy.
744
00:36:10,390 --> 00:36:11,939
I'm not crazy!
745
00:36:11,940 --> 00:36:13,989
You've been pining
after her for a decade.
746
00:36:13,990 --> 00:36:15,490
You gotta grow up.
747
00:36:17,240 --> 00:36:19,329
We both do.
748
00:36:19,330 --> 00:36:20,789
You're right.
749
00:36:20,790 --> 00:36:23,419
What am I doing?
750
00:36:23,420 --> 00:36:25,719
I-I just have to let this go.
751
00:36:25,720 --> 00:36:29,139
Yes. That's my boy.
752
00:36:29,140 --> 00:36:30,979
Then maybe Maya will
find her way back to me...
753
00:36:30,980 --> 00:36:32,189
No! Stop!
754
00:36:32,190 --> 00:36:34,689
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
755
00:36:34,690 --> 00:36:37,699
Hey, Tabby, you got a minute?
756
00:36:37,700 --> 00:36:39,449
Hey, I just wanted to know if your offer
757
00:36:39,450 --> 00:36:41,669
to see Angels in America
was still on the table.
758
00:36:41,670 --> 00:36:43,669
Oh, they canceled it
after opening night.
759
00:36:43,670 --> 00:36:45,799
The administration decided
it wasn't appropriate
760
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:47,679
for a 13-year-old to play Roy Cohn.
761
00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:49,809
Yeah, that makes sense.
762
00:36:49,810 --> 00:36:52,309
Well, would you still
like to get a drink
763
00:36:52,310 --> 00:36:54,149
with me sometime?
764
00:36:54,150 --> 00:36:57,819
Oh, no, I've actually gotten
a really serious boyfriend
765
00:36:57,820 --> 00:36:59,489
since I saw you last.
766
00:36:59,490 --> 00:37:01,579
Ah, no, I see. I'm sorry.
767
00:37:01,580 --> 00:37:03,243
I'm so stupid. I just...
768
00:37:03,244 --> 00:37:06,567
_
769
00:37:06,568 --> 00:37:09,768
_
770
00:37:11,534 --> 00:37:13,254
_
771
00:37:15,410 --> 00:37:19,034
_
772
00:37:19,490 --> 00:37:20,520
So it's a date?
773
00:37:20,521 --> 00:37:22,119
_
774
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:24,379
Okay.
775
00:37:48,260 --> 00:37:52,139
Julia, this won't take long.
776
00:37:52,140 --> 00:37:54,229
Molly is my daughter too, okay?
777
00:37:54,230 --> 00:37:56,019
- I knew I shouldn't have come.
- No, hold up, hold up.
778
00:37:56,020 --> 00:37:58,819
Now, I know I wasn't supposed
to meet her, but I did.
779
00:37:58,820 --> 00:38:01,369
And honestly, I think
I could be a great dad.
780
00:38:01,370 --> 00:38:04,999
I tell boring stories, I love golf,
781
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:06,589
I use Rogaine.
782
00:38:06,590 --> 00:38:08,799
- But this isn't about you.
- Exactly.
783
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:13,770
It is about Molly, which is why...
784
00:38:14,980 --> 00:38:16,350
I signed these.
785
00:38:20,910 --> 00:38:23,119
As a lawyer, I'm surprised.
786
00:38:24,620 --> 00:38:26,999
But as a mum, thank you.
787
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:31,969
Also, I, uh, I got her this.
788
00:38:31,970 --> 00:38:33,559
You don't have to give it to her,
789
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:37,309
but it doesn't look good on me.
790
00:38:37,310 --> 00:38:38,899
Craig, you're a dead man.
791
00:38:38,900 --> 00:38:40,279
- I knew you were cheating!
- Zara, Zara, calm down.
792
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:42,109
- I am not cheating on you.
- I knew it!
793
00:38:42,110 --> 00:38:45,709
- I should leave.
- Yeah, you better walk, you home-wrecker.
794
00:38:45,710 --> 00:38:47,919
Is that what you want, a classy woman
795
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:50,129
with a fancy job who
probably never got fired
796
00:38:50,130 --> 00:38:52,219
from Topshop for abusing her discount?
797
00:38:52,220 --> 00:38:53,773
No, that's not what I want.
798
00:38:53,774 --> 00:38:56,429
I can't believe you would
do this to me on my birthday.
799
00:38:56,430 --> 00:38:57,849
It's not your birthday.
800
00:38:57,850 --> 00:38:59,439
It is my birthday month!
801
00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:01,319
You should be ashamed of yourself!
802
00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:03,320
Zara, I am not having an affair.
803
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:07,499
I have a daughter.
804
00:39:07,500 --> 00:39:10,129
She's your daughter?
805
00:39:10,130 --> 00:39:11,720
But she's so old.
806
00:39:18,140 --> 00:39:19,939
Why didn't you tell me?
807
00:39:19,940 --> 00:39:22,069
I didn't want to just drop
this whole thing on you.
808
00:39:22,070 --> 00:39:24,239
I wanted to have it figured out first.
809
00:39:24,240 --> 00:39:26,369
We're supposed to figure
out things together.
810
00:39:26,370 --> 00:39:29,379
We're a team, Craig.
We're Zara and Craig.
811
00:39:29,380 --> 00:39:31,549
Zraig, Craig. Zraig.
812
00:39:31,550 --> 00:39:33,589
We are Zraig.
813
00:39:33,590 --> 00:39:35,639
I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you.
814
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:37,179
And all this week I was thinking
815
00:39:37,180 --> 00:39:38,689
you were cheating on me with Maya.
816
00:39:38,690 --> 00:39:40,903
- No.
- The way you two were sneaking around...
817
00:39:40,904 --> 00:39:43,779
No, I just wanted to get her
opinion on what I should do,
818
00:39:43,780 --> 00:39:45,619
and why does everyone think
I'm cheating with Maya?
819
00:39:45,620 --> 00:39:47,289
It feels racial.
820
00:39:47,290 --> 00:39:49,959
Wait. So you told Maya
before you told me?
821
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:52,589
Zara, don't be upset.
822
00:39:52,590 --> 00:39:55,179
Don't you tell your girlfriends
everything before you tell me?
823
00:39:55,180 --> 00:39:57,099
No. No, I don't.
824
00:39:57,100 --> 00:39:59,439
I tell everything to you first
because I trust you the most.
825
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:02,069
I'm sorry. I just didn't
think you'd understand.
826
00:40:02,070 --> 00:40:03,609
Wouldn't understand?
827
00:40:03,610 --> 00:40:05,569
Craig, if I'm not someone
828
00:40:05,570 --> 00:40:07,409
you come to when you've got a problem,
829
00:40:07,410 --> 00:40:08,829
what am I to you...
830
00:40:08,830 --> 00:40:11,209
just some fit bird with fake tits
831
00:40:11,210 --> 00:40:12,999
and a tight ass and perfect teeth
832
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,669
who laughs at your five jokes?
833
00:40:14,670 --> 00:40:16,340
You think it's only five?
834
00:40:17,850 --> 00:40:20,640
We don't have a real
relationship, Craig.
835
00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:42,859
Dear Ted, your wife
told me not to contact you,
836
00:40:42,860 --> 00:40:45,149
but there are some things I need to say.
837
00:40:47,870 --> 00:40:50,909
Five years ago, my
friends moved to London,
838
00:40:50,910 --> 00:40:53,039
but I stayed behind to
work for a handsome,
839
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:55,049
idealistic congressman.
840
00:40:55,050 --> 00:40:57,929
I told myself I stayed for my career,
841
00:40:57,930 --> 00:41:00,469
but the truth is I stayed for you.
842
00:41:00,470 --> 00:41:04,019
I wish I could blame you,
but that was my choice,
843
00:41:04,020 --> 00:41:06,649
and I have to take
responsibility for it.
844
00:41:08,240 --> 00:41:10,239
One thing I will not do
845
00:41:10,240 --> 00:41:14,039
is waste any more time living
your life instead of mine.
846
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:15,669
Maya.
847
00:41:25,650 --> 00:41:27,029
Bye, Ted.
848
00:41:29,910 --> 00:41:33,709
Oi! Why are you throwing
rubbish in the river?
849
00:41:33,710 --> 00:41:35,289
Oh, sorry.
850
00:41:35,290 --> 00:41:37,719
Of course. American.
851
00:41:37,720 --> 00:41:39,509
You know, just because
we don't have guns
852
00:41:39,510 --> 00:41:41,179
doesn't mean we're not still cops.
853
00:41:41,180 --> 00:41:43,269
Sorry.
854
00:42:04,230 --> 00:42:07,939
So I think you'll find
every thank-you note there,
855
00:42:07,940 --> 00:42:11,119
from Abramson to Zuckerberg-Chan.
856
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:13,289
Oh. Gemma.
857
00:42:13,290 --> 00:42:16,749
Oh, my... this is...
this is truly amazing.
858
00:42:16,750 --> 00:42:19,129
Oh, my God, you're such a good friend.
859
00:42:19,130 --> 00:42:21,339
Thank you.
860
00:42:21,340 --> 00:42:22,969
Do these smell like scotch?
861
00:42:22,970 --> 00:42:24,559
No.
862
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:26,149
No, it's probably just, um...
863
00:42:26,150 --> 00:42:27,609
The glue.
864
00:42:27,610 --> 00:42:29,109
- Hey.
- Hey!
865
00:42:29,110 --> 00:42:31,319
So you know you had that stupid idea
866
00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:33,489
that I should stay in London?
867
00:42:33,490 --> 00:42:35,329
I think...
868
00:42:35,330 --> 00:42:37,329
- I think I'm gonna do it.
- Are you serious?
869
00:42:37,330 --> 00:42:38,999
Yeah, I know I don't have a job,
870
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:40,589
and I brought, like,
three pairs of underwear,
871
00:42:40,590 --> 00:42:42,549
but I was walking home
tonight, and I just...
872
00:42:42,550 --> 00:42:43,929
I just had this feeling
873
00:42:43,930 --> 00:42:45,599
that this is where I'm supposed to be.
874
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:48,359
It is! It is! I've been
feeling the same way!
875
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:50,455
This is crazy. I'm moving to London!
876
00:42:50,456 --> 00:42:51,569
Are you quite sure?
877
00:42:51,570 --> 00:42:53,159
- We need champagne.
- Yes.
878
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:54,699
We have to celebrate.
Oh, my God, come on.
879
00:42:54,700 --> 00:42:56,369
You know, London isn't what it once was.
880
00:42:56,370 --> 00:42:58,379
Brexit.
881
00:42:58,380 --> 00:43:01,129
The traffic at Wimbledon.
882
00:43:01,130 --> 00:43:04,299
There's too many cobblestones.
You'll sprain an ankle.
883
00:43:04,300 --> 00:43:07,769
You have to ask for
water at restaurants.
884
00:43:07,770 --> 00:43:10,819
People are really into pub trivia!
885
00:43:10,820 --> 00:43:13,239
You know where is a great
place to get a fresh start?
886
00:43:13,240 --> 00:43:14,989
Brazil!
887
00:44:02,420 --> 00:44:04,443
Go to bed.
888
00:44:04,444 --> 00:44:09,444
- Synced and corrected by Firefly
- - www.addic7ed.com -
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