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1
00:02:14,048 --> 00:02:17,443
Fuck Wolverine.
2
00:02:17,487 --> 00:02:20,185
First, he rides my coattails
with the R rating.
3
00:02:20,229 --> 00:02:24,624
Then the hairy motherfucker
ups the ante by dying.
4
00:02:24,668 --> 00:02:26,844
What a dick.
5
00:02:26,887 --> 00:02:29,107
Well, guess what, Wolvie?
6
00:02:29,151 --> 00:02:31,979
I'm dying in this one, too.
7
00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:37,115
To understand
why I took a cat-nap
8
00:02:37,159 --> 00:02:39,248
on 1,200 gallons
of high-test fuel...
9
00:02:39,291 --> 00:02:40,640
I need to take you back
10
00:02:40,684 --> 00:02:43,121
to the dewy slopes
of six weeks ago.
11
00:02:43,165 --> 00:02:44,514
I'd gone international,
12
00:02:44,557 --> 00:02:46,472
taking out mass murderers,
gangsters,
13
00:02:46,516 --> 00:02:48,213
unspeakable monsters.
14
00:02:48,257 --> 00:02:51,216
People nobody would touch.
Except me.
15
00:02:51,260 --> 00:02:53,218
I'm gonna touch them all over.
16
00:02:56,874 --> 00:02:58,789
Hey, it's Gail calling.
17
00:02:58,832 --> 00:02:59,964
Love the shiny suit.
18
00:03:00,007 --> 00:03:01,748
Really brings out
19
00:03:01,792 --> 00:03:03,872
the sex trafficker
in your eyes.
20
00:03:04,925 --> 00:03:09,016
I don't
speak Cantonese, Mister...
21
00:03:09,060 --> 00:03:11,193
Well, I'm not even gonna
attempt that.
22
00:03:11,236 --> 00:03:13,717
But I did take 8th grade Spanish, so...
23
00:03:16,067 --> 00:03:18,896
Which literally
translates to...
24
00:03:18,939 --> 00:03:21,986
I don't bargain,
pumpkin fucker.
25
00:03:31,735 --> 00:03:34,477
Oh. Oh, this isn't Gilbert's.
26
00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:35,782
I am so sorry.
27
00:03:35,826 --> 00:03:37,506
I thought this was
an anal-bleaching party.
28
00:04:00,024 --> 00:04:01,895
Don't worry.
You're not going to die.
29
00:04:01,939 --> 00:04:04,028
Although these will kill you.
30
00:04:04,071 --> 00:04:05,290
Hit it, Dolly.
31
00:04:25,571 --> 00:04:26,964
I'm merely
a vessel for the Lord.
32
00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:40,804
Taking the hands out
of the guns of the criminals!
33
00:04:48,333 --> 00:04:50,857
Whoo! Do not go in there!
34
00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,649
Let's see
Captain America do that.
35
00:05:08,614 --> 00:05:10,137
Too exotic?
36
00:06:32,306 --> 00:06:35,266
Oh, God! Oh, God,
time out! Time out!
37
00:06:35,309 --> 00:06:38,835
Cut. I've got bad guy blood,
right in my open eye.
38
00:06:38,878 --> 00:06:40,880
Oh, that's so gross.
39
00:06:42,012 --> 00:06:44,188
Fuck.
40
00:06:44,231 --> 00:06:46,122
Looks like you left
a little landing strip there.
41
00:06:46,146 --> 00:06:47,191
I like it.
42
00:06:52,326 --> 00:06:53,937
Oh, man!
43
00:06:58,289 --> 00:07:00,247
My world tour
brought me home
44
00:07:00,291 --> 00:07:02,728
to this guy,
Sergei Valishnikov.
45
00:07:02,772 --> 00:07:04,295
But we'll get to him
in a moment.
46
00:07:04,338 --> 00:07:05,775
'Cause I know
what you're thinking.
47
00:07:05,818 --> 00:07:08,560
"I'm so glad
I left the kiddos at home."
48
00:07:08,604 --> 00:07:10,301
But that's where
you'd be wrong.
49
00:07:10,344 --> 00:07:13,086
That babysitter of yours
is high as fuck right now...
50
00:07:13,130 --> 00:07:17,439
and, believe it or not,
Deadpool 2 is a family film.
51
00:07:17,482 --> 00:07:19,266
True story.
52
00:07:19,310 --> 00:07:22,487
And every good family film
starts with a vicious murder.
53
00:07:22,531 --> 00:07:25,621
Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.
54
00:07:25,664 --> 00:07:28,972
Holy shit pickles!
That guy's on fire.
55
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:31,931
That's not CGI, folks.
He's actually on fire.
56
00:07:31,975 --> 00:07:35,369
Yeah. You know I get paid
to take out bad guys, right?
57
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:36,632
But this guy?
58
00:07:36,675 --> 00:07:38,634
He was
one of the worst of 'em.
59
00:07:41,332 --> 00:07:42,855
Hurry up and open
this fucking door,
60
00:07:42,899 --> 00:07:44,179
and let's kill
this motherfucker!
61
00:07:51,124 --> 00:07:53,170
Ugh. So gross.
62
00:07:53,213 --> 00:07:56,042
A panic room? Really?
63
00:07:56,086 --> 00:07:58,305
Can you come out?
64
00:07:58,349 --> 00:08:01,439
I really have to go.
It's my anniversary.
65
00:08:07,358 --> 00:08:08,770
Over and over,
I hear people say,
66
00:08:08,794 --> 00:08:10,361
"I just don't have
enough confidence."
67
00:08:10,404 --> 00:08:12,494
Listen, confidence is not
something you have.
68
00:08:12,537 --> 00:08:13,973
It's something you create.
69
00:08:14,017 --> 00:08:15,932
And you can create it
at any moment in time.
70
00:08:15,975 --> 00:08:17,673
A sense of confidence
is nothing
71
00:08:17,716 --> 00:08:19,457
but a sense of power
within yourself...
72
00:08:19,501 --> 00:08:21,043
a sense of certainty that
you can pull something off.
73
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:23,156
Start the fucking car!
74
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:24,331
Dopinder!
75
00:08:24,375 --> 00:08:25,898
Start the fucking car!
76
00:08:30,599 --> 00:08:33,079
Shoot that motherfucker!
Shoot him!
77
00:08:33,123 --> 00:08:34,646
Whoo! Oh, I shit my pants.
78
00:08:34,690 --> 00:08:37,083
Actually, that may
have been me.
79
00:08:37,127 --> 00:08:38,389
Oh, mission accomplished?
80
00:08:38,432 --> 00:08:40,565
Oh, in a George W.
sort of way.
81
00:08:40,609 --> 00:08:42,306
Fucker can't stay
in a panic room forever.
82
00:08:42,349 --> 00:08:43,805
Oh, you're living
the dreams, DP.
83
00:08:43,829 --> 00:08:46,005
It has been
quite the run, Dopinder,
84
00:08:46,049 --> 00:08:47,354
and who'da thought?
85
00:08:47,398 --> 00:08:49,835
Now I'm talked about
in the same sentence as Jesus.
86
00:08:49,879 --> 00:08:51,750
Passion of the Christ, then me.
87
00:08:51,794 --> 00:08:53,056
At least domestically.
88
00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:54,318
We beat them overseas,
89
00:08:54,361 --> 00:08:56,363
where there's no such thing
as religion.
90
00:08:56,407 --> 00:08:58,583
I do want to live
the dreams, Pool Boy.
91
00:08:58,627 --> 00:09:01,020
Taxiing is not as sexy
as it looks.
92
00:09:01,064 --> 00:09:02,848
I want to fill my... Pockets?
93
00:09:02,892 --> 00:09:06,112
What's your poison?
A little, uh, cokey cokey?
94
00:09:06,156 --> 00:09:07,505
Can't maintain an erection
95
00:09:07,549 --> 00:09:09,091
without buying shoes online?
96
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:11,074
I've never experienced
that last one.
97
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:12,510
Talk to me, Goose.
98
00:09:12,554 --> 00:09:15,252
I was going to say "soul".
I want to fill my soul.
99
00:09:15,295 --> 00:09:18,385
I want to belong to something,
like you, Pool, sir.
100
00:09:18,429 --> 00:09:20,387
Dopinder... Hmm?
101
00:09:20,431 --> 00:09:22,259
You never cease
to surprise me.
102
00:09:23,565 --> 00:09:26,393
You know, the depth of
your heart is extraordinary.
103
00:09:26,437 --> 00:09:28,091
We all need
a sense of belonging.
104
00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:29,919
We all need
a genuine sense of home.
105
00:09:29,962 --> 00:09:31,094
A place in this world.
106
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:32,497
I want to become
a contract killer.
107
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:34,358
I'm sorry. What did you say?
108
00:09:34,401 --> 00:09:36,360
Remember when
I kidnapped Bandhu
109
00:09:36,403 --> 00:09:37,729
and threatened him
with great violence?
110
00:09:37,753 --> 00:09:39,363
You kind of killed him.
111
00:09:39,406 --> 00:09:40,993
And then remember the movie
Interview with the Vampire?
112
00:09:41,017 --> 00:09:42,192
Don't want to.
113
00:09:42,235 --> 00:09:43,323
When Tom Cruise fed
114
00:09:43,367 --> 00:09:45,195
10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst blood
115
00:09:45,238 --> 00:09:46,457
for the first time...
116
00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:48,894
and she looked up
at his smooth,
117
00:09:48,938 --> 00:09:51,157
handsome face and said...
118
00:09:51,941 --> 00:09:53,725
"I want some more."
119
00:09:53,769 --> 00:09:57,424
Oh, Pool, picture me,
a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.
120
00:09:58,469 --> 00:10:01,167
I'll never not picture that.
121
00:10:01,211 --> 00:10:02,995
But I can't wait
to never speak of this,
122
00:10:03,039 --> 00:10:05,084
as soon as possible.
123
00:10:05,128 --> 00:10:07,609
We're here.
124
00:10:14,398 --> 00:10:16,400
Dopinder, it's me again.
125
00:10:16,443 --> 00:10:18,141
Look, a saner man
might discourage you
126
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:20,056
from joining
the deadly merc business...
127
00:10:20,099 --> 00:10:21,579
what, with your concave chest
128
00:10:21,623 --> 00:10:23,276
and your
paper towel tube arms.
129
00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:25,017
But you're an eagle...
130
00:10:25,061 --> 00:10:27,063
and goddamn it,
an eagle's gotta soar.
131
00:10:27,106 --> 00:10:28,499
You gotta grab those dreams,
132
00:10:28,542 --> 00:10:30,153
grab those dreams
by the dick tip...
133
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:31,720
and make it rain!
134
00:10:31,763 --> 00:10:33,678
I don't know what that means.
135
00:10:33,722 --> 00:10:35,680
Me neither.
136
00:10:36,289 --> 00:10:37,769
I'm gonna see you...
137
00:10:39,075 --> 00:10:40,424
at the office.
138
00:10:40,990 --> 00:10:42,121
In the sky.
139
00:10:42,165 --> 00:10:43,296
You're my Tom Cruise!
140
00:10:43,340 --> 00:10:44,950
And you're my Kristen Dunst!
141
00:10:44,994 --> 00:10:46,473
Kristen? Kirsten?
142
00:10:51,522 --> 00:10:53,132
Sorry I'm late.
143
00:10:53,176 --> 00:10:54,743
There was a bunch of
144
00:10:54,786 --> 00:10:56,875
handicapable children
stuck in a tree...
145
00:10:56,919 --> 00:10:58,442
and I had to, uh... Uh-uh.
146
00:10:58,485 --> 00:11:01,227
You're right.
I was fighting a caped badass.
147
00:11:01,271 --> 00:11:03,621
But then we discovered
his mom is named Martha, too.
148
00:11:03,665 --> 00:11:05,971
No.You got me.
149
00:11:06,015 --> 00:11:07,799
I was rounding up
all the gluten in the world
150
00:11:07,843 --> 00:11:09,061
and launching it into space...
151
00:11:09,105 --> 00:11:11,237
where it can't not
hurt us ever again.
152
00:11:11,281 --> 00:11:12,456
Try again.
153
00:11:13,022 --> 00:11:14,588
Diarrhea?
154
00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:16,392
We can't be sure
until I get this suit off...
155
00:11:17,330 --> 00:11:19,289
but, uh,
all signs point to yes.
156
00:11:21,204 --> 00:11:22,205
Traffic?
157
00:11:22,814 --> 00:11:23,859
Hmm?
158
00:11:25,077 --> 00:11:26,731
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.
159
00:11:26,775 --> 00:11:27,775
Well, come here.
160
00:11:39,483 --> 00:11:41,920
I'm gonna shower
and get out of this suit.
161
00:11:41,964 --> 00:11:43,139
Don't you want
your surprise?
162
00:11:43,182 --> 00:11:45,010
Do I look like
a patient burn victim?
163
00:11:45,794 --> 00:11:47,056
I got one for you, too.
164
00:11:48,187 --> 00:11:49,711
Happy anniversary, baby.
165
00:11:49,754 --> 00:11:51,321
Open, open, open.
166
00:11:53,323 --> 00:11:55,064
Skee-Ball token.
167
00:11:55,107 --> 00:11:56,500
Our first date.
168
00:11:56,543 --> 00:11:58,110
Yup.
169
00:11:58,154 --> 00:12:00,809
That's genuine,
high-grade lead.
170
00:12:03,725 --> 00:12:06,031
I'll keep it forever.
171
00:12:06,075 --> 00:12:07,511
Thank you, baby.
172
00:12:09,121 --> 00:12:10,819
Open yours. All right, all right.
173
00:12:11,733 --> 00:12:13,038
Oh...
174
00:12:14,431 --> 00:12:16,322
That's just the most
beautiful thing that I've...
175
00:12:16,346 --> 00:12:17,739
I don't know
what this is.
176
00:12:17,782 --> 00:12:19,610
My IUD.
177
00:12:19,653 --> 00:12:20,829
A bomb?
178
00:12:20,872 --> 00:12:23,962
No, dick for brains.
My birth control device.
179
00:12:24,006 --> 00:12:25,094
What, you mean that your...
180
00:12:25,137 --> 00:12:26,878
Baby factory's open
for business.
181
00:12:26,922 --> 00:12:28,227
Oh, my God!
182
00:12:28,271 --> 00:12:31,535
Oh, my God! I want a boy!
183
00:12:31,578 --> 00:12:34,668
Or a little girl!
Definitely one or the other!
184
00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:37,497
Oh! And I want our kid
to have only one name.
185
00:12:38,063 --> 00:12:41,327
Like Cher or Todd.
186
00:12:41,371 --> 00:12:43,155
You gotta pump a baby
in me first, cowboy.
187
00:12:43,199 --> 00:12:44,548
Yes, I do.
188
00:12:44,591 --> 00:12:46,091
Let's watch some porn
and show that bed who's boss.
189
00:12:46,115 --> 00:12:47,116
Let's do that.
190
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:50,467
♪ Papa... ♪
191
00:12:50,510 --> 00:12:52,686
♪ Can you hear me? ♪
192
00:12:54,123 --> 00:12:56,778
♪ Papa, can you see me? ♪
193
00:12:56,821 --> 00:12:59,041
Does this song
sound familiar to you?
194
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:03,523
May.
195
00:13:03,567 --> 00:13:07,266
Connor, if it's a boy.
May, if it's a girl.
196
00:13:09,921 --> 00:13:12,358
So weird.
197
00:13:12,402 --> 00:13:14,796
Family was always
an F-word to me.
198
00:13:16,319 --> 00:13:20,671
My pile of shit father
took off and bailed.
199
00:13:20,714 --> 00:13:22,934
I mean, it's not like I have
a lot of strong role models
200
00:13:22,978 --> 00:13:24,718
to draw off of for Todd.
201
00:13:25,894 --> 00:13:28,505
Hey. Look at me.
202
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:31,813
You are not your father.
203
00:13:33,553 --> 00:13:34,990
Besides...
204
00:13:35,033 --> 00:13:39,777
I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.
205
00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:41,823
But here's the thing,
206
00:13:41,866 --> 00:13:43,694
isn't that how
it always works?
207
00:13:43,737 --> 00:13:45,261
Like in Star Wars,
208
00:13:45,304 --> 00:13:48,003
men are destined
to become their father...
209
00:13:48,046 --> 00:13:51,136
and then have consensual sex
with their sister?
210
00:13:51,180 --> 00:13:54,487
I think you missed
big, big chunks of that movie.
211
00:13:54,531 --> 00:13:56,794
No, I'm pretty sure
Luke nailed her.
212
00:13:56,838 --> 00:13:58,883
Baby, that's Empire.
213
00:13:58,927 --> 00:14:01,538
The point is, kids...
214
00:14:03,018 --> 00:14:05,672
they give us a chance
to be better than we are.
215
00:14:06,499 --> 00:14:09,154
Better than we used to be.
216
00:14:09,198 --> 00:14:11,722
You're a lot smarter
than I look.
217
00:14:12,766 --> 00:14:14,420
I'm gonna go make dessert.
218
00:14:14,464 --> 00:14:18,903
You get the strap-on.
Let's make a super baby.
219
00:14:18,947 --> 00:14:22,341
Pretty sure it doesn't work
that way, but we can try.
220
00:14:22,385 --> 00:14:25,910
What about Krystal?
But with a "K"?
221
00:14:25,954 --> 00:14:27,912
It's too stripper-y.
222
00:14:27,956 --> 00:14:29,479
Kevin with a "K"!
223
00:14:29,522 --> 00:14:31,611
No, too stripper-y, too.
224
00:14:32,177 --> 00:14:34,092
Uh, Earl!
225
00:14:34,136 --> 00:14:36,486
He's gonna go straight to jail
226
00:14:36,529 --> 00:14:38,749
if we name him Earl.
227
00:14:38,792 --> 00:14:40,664
What about Bruce?
228
00:14:41,665 --> 00:14:43,101
No.
229
00:14:43,145 --> 00:14:44,189
Get down.
230
00:14:44,233 --> 00:14:45,625
What?
231
00:15:14,524 --> 00:15:16,613
Baby? Baby?
232
00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:21,574
I'm okay.
233
00:15:21,618 --> 00:15:24,273
Thank God I didn't have to use
the cream cheese spreader.
234
00:15:58,872 --> 00:16:00,135
Please.
235
00:16:05,227 --> 00:16:07,055
Please. Please.
236
00:16:07,098 --> 00:16:10,275
Baby, I'm so sorry.
237
00:16:10,319 --> 00:16:14,105
No!
238
00:19:18,637 --> 00:19:21,336
♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪
239
00:19:22,293 --> 00:19:24,077
Is it just me, or does
240
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:25,707
Do You Want to Build
a Snowman? from Frozen...
241
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:27,037
sound suspiciously like
242
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,039
Papa, Can You Hear Me?
from Yentl?
243
00:19:30,388 --> 00:19:32,521
♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪
244
00:19:34,305 --> 00:19:36,916
And nobody
fucking realizes it.
245
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:38,527
Wade, you gotta go home.
246
00:19:38,570 --> 00:19:41,312
You've been sitting here
for three days, okay?
247
00:19:41,356 --> 00:19:45,055
You smell like sauerkraut
left in the warm rain.
248
00:19:45,098 --> 00:19:47,405
Like wet garbage
in hot urine.
249
00:19:47,449 --> 00:19:49,625
You smell like
a dog ate kitty litter...
250
00:19:49,668 --> 00:19:51,714
and then farted his way
out of the living room.
251
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:53,585
I mean, like Rush Limbaugh's
252
00:19:53,629 --> 00:19:55,457
couch cushions
after Shark Week.
253
00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:57,241
I love Frozen.
254
00:19:57,285 --> 00:20:00,853
I loved her. I loved her
like an ocean loves water.
255
00:20:00,897 --> 00:20:02,420
An ocean is water.
256
00:20:02,464 --> 00:20:07,208
More importantly, I liked her.
I really liked her, you know?
257
00:20:07,251 --> 00:20:08,383
George Michael was right.
258
00:20:08,426 --> 00:20:10,254
I'm never gonna
dance again. Fuck!
259
00:20:10,863 --> 00:20:11,864
He's dead, too.
260
00:20:13,039 --> 00:20:14,389
At least we still have Bowie.
261
00:20:14,432 --> 00:20:16,173
Oh, Mr. Pool.
David Bowie is...
262
00:20:16,217 --> 00:20:17,479
Uh, uh, uh...
263
00:20:17,522 --> 00:20:18,697
still with us.
264
00:20:18,741 --> 00:20:21,613
We do.
We'll always have Bowie.
265
00:20:22,223 --> 00:20:23,267
I'm sorry.
266
00:20:23,311 --> 00:20:24,747
Shot after shot,
267
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:26,638
it's not gonna change the fact
that I think you're...
268
00:20:26,662 --> 00:20:28,292
Are you pissing?
Are you urinating right now?
269
00:20:28,316 --> 00:20:31,232
You're making the face that
you make when you urinate.
270
00:20:31,275 --> 00:20:32,842
Is he pissing? I'm on it!
271
00:20:32,885 --> 00:20:34,365
There you go, Dopinder.
272
00:20:34,409 --> 00:20:36,454
If you want to be
a contract killer...
273
00:20:36,498 --> 00:20:39,065
you gotta handle a mop
before you handle a gun.
274
00:20:39,109 --> 00:20:40,173
Although I don't
quite understand
275
00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:41,764
how they are at all similar.
276
00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:43,916
'Cause I could shove either
one up your ass and kill you.
277
00:20:43,940 --> 00:20:45,071
Now, leave me.
278
00:20:45,115 --> 00:20:46,116
I get it.
279
00:20:46,638 --> 00:20:48,249
Go home, Wade.
280
00:20:48,292 --> 00:20:50,642
I don't have a home,
Weas, you know. I got a...
281
00:20:52,078 --> 00:20:53,471
Okay, I'm fine.
282
00:20:53,515 --> 00:20:54,646
I'm fine.
283
00:20:54,690 --> 00:20:56,518
You know what "fine"
stands for, Wade?
284
00:20:56,561 --> 00:21:00,304
Fucked up, insecure,
needy, and emotional.
285
00:21:00,348 --> 00:21:01,566
According to the...
286
00:21:02,915 --> 00:21:04,352
Kubler-Ross.Yeah.
287
00:21:04,395 --> 00:21:06,267
According to
the Kubler-Ross model...
288
00:21:06,310 --> 00:21:09,095
denial is just one of
the five stages of grief.
289
00:21:09,139 --> 00:21:11,489
Jesus Christ, Buck!
290
00:21:11,533 --> 00:21:13,448
No more speaking lines
for you.
291
00:21:22,108 --> 00:21:24,459
Hey, bud. Bud.
292
00:21:24,502 --> 00:21:26,591
- Huh?
- Got a match?
293
00:21:26,635 --> 00:21:28,158
Match?
294
00:21:28,201 --> 00:21:29,681
Yes, I have one right here.
295
00:21:29,725 --> 00:21:31,093
Don't make a move.
This is a stick-up.
296
00:21:31,117 --> 00:21:32,858
- What?
- You heard me.
297
00:21:32,902 --> 00:21:34,947
Mister, Mister,
put down that gun.
298
00:21:34,991 --> 00:21:37,602
Shut up. Now, come on.
Your money or your life?
299
00:21:45,784 --> 00:21:49,527
Look, bud. I said,
"Your money or your life."
300
00:21:49,571 --> 00:21:50,876
"I'm thinking it over!"
301
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:52,313
Motherfuck!
302
00:21:52,356 --> 00:21:53,401
Fuck!
303
00:21:56,404 --> 00:21:57,883
The hell you doin' here?
304
00:21:57,927 --> 00:22:00,016
Don't you know how to knock?
305
00:22:00,059 --> 00:22:01,974
I thought you saw me...
306
00:22:02,018 --> 00:22:03,541
with your ears.
307
00:22:03,585 --> 00:22:04,649
You're lucky I didn't
shoot you in the...
308
00:22:04,673 --> 00:22:05,717
The wall?
309
00:22:05,761 --> 00:22:09,155
The refrigerator?
I'm in so much pain.
310
00:22:11,941 --> 00:22:13,551
I heard the news,
sweetie.
311
00:22:13,595 --> 00:22:15,684
I'm very sorry. I am.
312
00:22:15,727 --> 00:22:17,642
What am I gonna do, Al?
313
00:22:17,686 --> 00:22:19,383
Probably something terrible.
314
00:22:20,558 --> 00:22:21,951
Knowing you.
315
00:22:21,994 --> 00:22:23,518
It was my fault.
316
00:22:24,736 --> 00:22:27,435
I fucking did this.
317
00:22:27,478 --> 00:22:29,350
And all I wanna do
is grab her and see her
318
00:22:29,393 --> 00:22:31,352
and tell her that I'm sorry,
and I can't.
319
00:22:33,354 --> 00:22:35,007
She's gone.
320
00:22:35,051 --> 00:22:38,837
Sweetheart,
can you speak up?
321
00:22:38,881 --> 00:22:40,143
It's a little hard
to hear you
322
00:22:40,186 --> 00:22:41,884
with that pity dick
in your mouth.
323
00:22:41,927 --> 00:22:44,974
Now, look, sugar.
You need to just keep living.
324
00:22:45,017 --> 00:22:46,323
Thank you...
325
00:22:46,367 --> 00:22:49,370
Matthew McConaughey,
your words are a treasure.
326
00:22:49,413 --> 00:22:51,459
Listen to the pain.
327
00:22:51,502 --> 00:22:54,287
It's both history teacher
and fortune teller.
328
00:22:54,331 --> 00:22:57,943
Pain teaches us
who we are, Wade.
329
00:22:57,987 --> 00:23:01,860
Sometimes, it's so bad,
we feel like we're dying.
330
00:23:01,904 --> 00:23:04,602
But we can't really live till
we've died a little, can we?
331
00:23:07,126 --> 00:23:08,345
Wade?
332
00:23:10,782 --> 00:23:12,958
Wade? I'm right here, Althea.
333
00:23:13,002 --> 00:23:15,613
And that is
the most beautiful thing
334
00:23:15,657 --> 00:23:16,875
I've ever heard.
335
00:23:17,615 --> 00:23:19,182
And you're absolutely right.
336
00:23:23,055 --> 00:23:25,406
I'm about to do
something terrible.
337
00:23:31,455 --> 00:23:32,717
Precious, aren't they?
338
00:23:33,544 --> 00:23:34,980
Whoa!
339
00:23:35,024 --> 00:23:36,460
Are you a superhero?
340
00:23:36,504 --> 00:23:38,201
Fucking A, sweetie.
341
00:23:38,244 --> 00:23:39,811
What's your name?
342
00:23:39,855 --> 00:23:41,639
Captain Delicious Pants.
343
00:23:41,683 --> 00:23:43,859
Who's Captain Delicious Pants?
344
00:24:09,232 --> 00:24:11,234
I can't believe
he's still alive.
345
00:24:11,277 --> 00:24:13,758
I can't believe you left
the house in that shirt.
346
00:24:15,238 --> 00:24:17,196
There's gotta be
some way to die.
347
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,285
I just need to die harder.
348
00:24:19,329 --> 00:24:20,548
Trademark Fox.
349
00:24:20,591 --> 00:24:21,592
Y'all caught up now?
350
00:24:34,866 --> 00:24:36,520
Open for business.
351
00:24:40,393 --> 00:24:42,526
Your crazy
matches my crazy.
352
00:24:42,570 --> 00:24:44,722
I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.
353
00:24:44,746 --> 00:24:46,008
Skee-Ball token.
354
00:24:46,051 --> 00:24:47,331
You're a lot smarter
than I look.
355
00:24:53,232 --> 00:24:54,514
About why
we're so good together.
356
00:24:54,538 --> 00:24:55,733
I love you,
Wade Wilson.
357
00:24:58,368 --> 00:24:59,761
Ness?
358
00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:02,372
Ness?
359
00:25:03,199 --> 00:25:04,766
Ness.
360
00:25:04,809 --> 00:25:07,508
Ness, there's something here.
I can't get to you.
361
00:25:09,205 --> 00:25:11,729
Your heart's not
in the right place.
362
00:25:11,773 --> 00:25:14,427
Wait, hold on. What?
363
00:25:14,471 --> 00:25:16,560
Your heart's not
in the right place.
364
00:25:16,604 --> 00:25:17,996
Wait. What do you mean
365
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:20,000
my heart's not in the right
place? What does it...
366
00:25:39,235 --> 00:25:41,759
I'm terribly sorry
for your loss, Wade.
367
00:25:42,238 --> 00:25:43,369
You're broken.
368
00:25:43,413 --> 00:25:46,372
Oh, God.
I know that voice.
369
00:26:07,437 --> 00:26:08,873
Well, Russell.
370
00:26:08,917 --> 00:26:11,572
I hear you're handy
at picking locks.
371
00:26:12,964 --> 00:26:15,184
There will be no need
for that here.
372
00:26:15,227 --> 00:26:18,535
There's no locks on our doors,
no bars on our windows.
373
00:26:19,884 --> 00:26:21,930
I know what you're thinking.
374
00:26:21,973 --> 00:26:24,628
Why don't the kids just run?
375
00:26:24,672 --> 00:26:27,631
Who would choose to stay
in such a place?
376
00:26:27,675 --> 00:26:30,155
You stay because...
377
00:26:30,199 --> 00:26:34,943
deep down inside, you know
you're unfit to leave.
378
00:26:38,729 --> 00:26:40,339
Don't worry.
379
00:26:41,514 --> 00:26:43,168
We can fix that.
380
00:26:47,999 --> 00:26:51,742
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand.
381
00:27:13,721 --> 00:27:15,418
"Heart's in the right place."
382
00:27:15,461 --> 00:27:16,917
"Heart's in the right..."
What does that mean?
383
00:27:16,941 --> 00:27:18,856
Take your mask off, Wade.
384
00:27:18,900 --> 00:27:20,597
I wish you'd said "pants".
385
00:27:20,641 --> 00:27:21,859
Let's play a game.
386
00:27:21,903 --> 00:27:24,427
It's called
"Adrien Brody or Adam Brody?".
387
00:27:24,470 --> 00:27:26,821
Now, close your eyes
and open your mouth.
388
00:27:26,864 --> 00:27:28,692
You don't need
to be funny here.
389
00:27:29,301 --> 00:27:30,563
We must talk.
390
00:27:30,607 --> 00:27:33,088
You need fresh start.
391
00:27:33,131 --> 00:27:34,698
Such a glare.
392
00:27:34,742 --> 00:27:37,005
It's like I'm on stage
at the Gaiety.
393
00:27:37,048 --> 00:27:39,660
With training,
you can be X-Man.
394
00:27:39,703 --> 00:27:41,792
You're wasting your time,
Shiny Jesus.
395
00:27:41,836 --> 00:27:43,141
I'm not X-Man material.
396
00:27:43,185 --> 00:27:44,752
Understatement of the year.
397
00:27:45,230 --> 00:27:46,231
Wade, Yukio.
398
00:27:46,710 --> 00:27:48,625
Yukio, Wade.
399
00:27:48,669 --> 00:27:50,758
What in the fuck knuckles
is this?
400
00:27:50,801 --> 00:27:53,456
She's my girlfriend,
you intolerant shit.
401
00:27:53,499 --> 00:27:55,327
Whoa! Pump the hate brakes,
Fox & Friends.
402
00:27:55,371 --> 00:27:57,242
I'm just surprised
anyone would date you.
403
00:27:57,286 --> 00:27:59,897
Especially Pinkie Pie
from My Little Pony.
404
00:27:59,941 --> 00:28:01,769
I like this guy.
405
00:28:01,812 --> 00:28:03,901
Give him a chance.
406
00:28:03,945 --> 00:28:05,052
It's great seeing you
like this.
407
00:28:05,076 --> 00:28:07,252
Yeah.
408
00:28:07,731 --> 00:28:09,037
Bye, Wade!
409
00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:11,561
Now, some ground rules
while under our roof.
410
00:28:11,604 --> 00:28:14,390
"Rule number one.
No killing...
411
00:28:14,433 --> 00:28:17,872
"anyone ever,
no matter how bad.
412
00:28:17,915 --> 00:28:20,570
"Rule two. Label everything
in refrigerator."
413
00:28:20,613 --> 00:28:21,614
Wade?
414
00:28:22,485 --> 00:28:23,747
Wade?
415
00:28:23,791 --> 00:28:25,618
Don't try to chase me. Wade!
416
00:28:25,662 --> 00:28:27,751
I'm not ready
to be touched again.
417
00:28:27,795 --> 00:28:30,014
All these old guys
on the wall.
418
00:28:30,058 --> 00:28:32,147
Who lives here,
Calista Flockhart?
419
00:28:34,453 --> 00:28:37,369
Those were already damaged
after they fell there!
420
00:28:37,413 --> 00:28:39,284
What am I supposed
to do around here, anyway?
421
00:28:39,328 --> 00:28:41,591
Sit in a share circle,
talk about my feelings?
422
00:28:41,634 --> 00:28:44,507
And how would I
do that exactly?
423
00:28:44,550 --> 00:28:46,988
'Cause where the fuck
is everyone?
424
00:28:47,031 --> 00:28:48,250
It's always just you
425
00:28:48,293 --> 00:28:49,618
and Negasonic Teenage
Longest Name Ever...
426
00:28:49,642 --> 00:28:50,861
Enough!
427
00:28:50,905 --> 00:28:52,733
I said no touching!
428
00:28:54,517 --> 00:28:57,781
What the fuck?
429
00:28:57,825 --> 00:29:00,001
You'd think the studio
would throw us a bone.
430
00:29:00,044 --> 00:29:02,873
One that doesn't end up
in my mouth.
431
00:29:02,917 --> 00:29:04,111
The first movie
made more money
432
00:29:04,135 --> 00:29:06,485
than the guy
who invented pants.
433
00:29:06,529 --> 00:29:08,705
They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?
434
00:29:08,749 --> 00:29:10,838
How 'bout that putz
with the giant pigeon wings?
435
00:29:10,881 --> 00:29:12,187
What do those do anyway, huh?
436
00:29:12,230 --> 00:29:13,710
Carry him
three feet off the ground
437
00:29:13,754 --> 00:29:15,799
to snatch up
the nearest muffin crumb?
438
00:29:15,843 --> 00:29:18,019
No, no, no!
439
00:29:18,062 --> 00:29:20,804
I am not X-Man material
at all.
440
00:29:20,848 --> 00:29:23,502
First off...
441
00:29:23,546 --> 00:29:25,591
I'm not even a virgin.
Second and more...
442
00:29:27,811 --> 00:29:28,856
I should have left you
443
00:29:28,899 --> 00:29:30,640
in the self-pitying mess
I found you in.
444
00:29:30,683 --> 00:29:33,774
But this is what friends do.
They show up!
445
00:29:33,817 --> 00:29:35,819
Not when convenient or easy.
446
00:29:35,863 --> 00:29:40,171
When hard,
and you always make it hard.
447
00:29:40,215 --> 00:29:42,695
You are unwell.
448
00:29:42,739 --> 00:29:44,828
I'm sticking my neck out
bringing you here.
449
00:29:44,872 --> 00:29:46,787
Wait.
One of the assholes
450
00:29:46,830 --> 00:29:48,310
who killed Vanessa got away.
451
00:29:50,878 --> 00:29:53,054
Oh, Jesus Christ!
452
00:29:53,097 --> 00:29:54,988
I thought you were gonna
kiss me for a second there.
453
00:29:55,012 --> 00:29:56,947
Please know I wouldn't be
able to stop you if you did.
454
00:29:56,971 --> 00:29:59,016
Wade, whoever they are...
455
00:29:59,060 --> 00:30:01,410
we track them down
and bring them to justice.
456
00:30:01,976 --> 00:30:03,412
It was me.
457
00:30:06,241 --> 00:30:08,896
I'm the asshole who got away.
458
00:30:08,939 --> 00:30:12,073
I killed every last one
of them, except me.
459
00:30:12,116 --> 00:30:13,814
Couldn't kill me.
460
00:30:16,947 --> 00:30:18,949
We were gonna start a family.
461
00:30:20,777 --> 00:30:22,735
We were, uh...
462
00:30:23,954 --> 00:30:25,695
We were gonna be a family.
463
00:30:26,478 --> 00:30:27,610
Wade...
464
00:30:27,653 --> 00:30:30,439
Vanessa is gone.
She's not coming back.
465
00:30:32,006 --> 00:30:34,356
This may not be
family you want...
466
00:30:34,399 --> 00:30:36,837
but it's family you need.
467
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:38,142
You have a good heart.
468
00:30:38,186 --> 00:30:39,752
It belongs here
where it can grow.
469
00:30:41,537 --> 00:30:42,538
What did you say?
470
00:30:44,583 --> 00:30:45,889
About my heart?
471
00:30:51,329 --> 00:30:53,331
I think
I'm in the right place.
472
00:32:01,138 --> 00:32:03,967
I'mma tell you
what the big lie is.
473
00:32:04,011 --> 00:32:05,621
Toilet paper.
474
00:32:05,664 --> 00:32:07,057
What's so bad
about toilet paper?
475
00:32:07,101 --> 00:32:08,319
Gets the job done.
476
00:32:08,363 --> 00:32:11,235
Does it really
get the job done?
477
00:32:11,279 --> 00:32:13,498
All right. Say you wake up
tomorrow morning...
478
00:32:13,542 --> 00:32:18,242
and, hypothetically, find some
fresh shit on your face.
479
00:32:18,286 --> 00:32:20,003
Your cheek, maybe
a little bit in the beard.
480
00:32:20,027 --> 00:32:21,743
What the hell?
I'm about to be fucking sick!
481
00:32:21,767 --> 00:32:22,855
What do you do?
482
00:32:22,899 --> 00:32:24,205
Do you go to a bathroom
483
00:32:24,248 --> 00:32:25,946
and tear off
a piece of dry tissue...
484
00:32:25,989 --> 00:32:27,860
and rub it around
on your beard a little bit
485
00:32:27,904 --> 00:32:29,471
and then go on,
get on with your day?
486
00:32:29,514 --> 00:32:31,125
Go to church,
maybe dinner and a movie,
487
00:32:31,168 --> 00:32:32,300
like nothing happened?
488
00:32:32,343 --> 00:32:33,736
Where is this
coming from, man?
489
00:32:33,779 --> 00:32:34,998
But something did happen.
490
00:32:35,042 --> 00:32:36,521
Your face smells like shit.
Right?
491
00:32:36,565 --> 00:32:38,132
So what you would do,
492
00:32:38,175 --> 00:32:40,438
is you would get some soap,
you'd get some hot water...
493
00:32:40,482 --> 00:32:42,832
and you would scrub
the fucking shit
494
00:32:42,875 --> 00:32:44,877
out of your beard
for 10 straight minutes.
495
00:32:44,921 --> 00:32:46,618
You could not
scrub it enough.
496
00:32:46,662 --> 00:32:48,316
Are you trying
to make me feel disgusting?
497
00:32:48,359 --> 00:32:49,578
I'm starting to feel...
498
00:32:49,621 --> 00:32:52,320
Toilet paper is
a pretty fine appetizer.
499
00:32:52,363 --> 00:32:54,670
But, then...
500
00:32:54,713 --> 00:32:57,020
Huggies Natural Care
wet wipes.
501
00:32:57,064 --> 00:32:58,456
That's your main course.
502
00:32:58,500 --> 00:33:02,417
They're soft, they're moist.
They're for babies.
503
00:33:02,460 --> 00:33:05,246
Finally, one more pass
with toilet paper,
504
00:33:05,289 --> 00:33:07,204
maybe clear out
that excess moisture.
505
00:33:07,248 --> 00:33:08,901
Maybe treat yourself
to a blow and go,
506
00:33:08,945 --> 00:33:10,251
if you can get you
a hair dryer.
507
00:33:10,294 --> 00:33:12,644
Just about 30 seconds
would do you good.
508
00:33:16,344 --> 00:33:17,345
The fuck?
509
00:33:18,607 --> 00:33:19,651
Year.
510
00:33:20,652 --> 00:33:21,653
What?
511
00:33:22,872 --> 00:33:24,526
What year is it?
512
00:33:24,569 --> 00:33:27,007
What kind of dumbass question
is that to ask?
513
00:33:57,776 --> 00:34:00,562
We have 8 weeks of
boot camp ahead of us, men.
514
00:34:00,605 --> 00:34:01,954
That'll get us
toned and prepared
515
00:34:01,998 --> 00:34:03,565
for all manner of combat.
516
00:34:05,654 --> 00:34:09,875
Not working out at all.
517
00:34:09,919 --> 00:34:11,573
Masking tape.
518
00:34:11,616 --> 00:34:13,966
It is no friend
to chilled aluminum.
519
00:34:15,055 --> 00:34:17,057
Velcro.
Color-coded, efficient,
520
00:34:17,100 --> 00:34:18,145
environmentally friendly.
521
00:34:18,928 --> 00:34:20,495
Who is he talking to?
522
00:34:20,538 --> 00:34:22,212
And why is he dressed like
a registered sex offender?
523
00:34:22,236 --> 00:34:24,238
Can we focus
for a moment, ladies?
524
00:34:24,281 --> 00:34:26,588
Please, we need to talk about
next month's meal plan.
525
00:34:26,631 --> 00:34:28,416
Obviously,
everyone hated the ceviche.
526
00:34:28,459 --> 00:34:29,808
I read the suggestion box.
527
00:34:29,852 --> 00:34:31,462
I'm gonna stop you
right there.
528
00:34:31,506 --> 00:34:33,508
I see through this weak act.
529
00:34:33,551 --> 00:34:37,903
You may have fooled Colossus
with this nice guy shit...
530
00:34:37,947 --> 00:34:39,122
but not me.
531
00:34:39,166 --> 00:34:40,254
Don't be mean.
532
00:34:40,297 --> 00:34:41,646
Back off, NTW.
533
00:34:41,690 --> 00:34:43,909
No, no, no. Let her go.
534
00:34:43,953 --> 00:34:45,128
Let her go, it's okay.
535
00:34:45,172 --> 00:34:46,738
She has a right
to be skeptical.
536
00:34:46,782 --> 00:34:49,393
Look at me.
I'm an easy target.
537
00:34:50,568 --> 00:34:51,961
You know, historically,
538
00:34:52,004 --> 00:34:53,919
mischief has been
my mistress...
539
00:34:53,963 --> 00:34:56,618
so I understand, you know.
But I like to think...
540
00:34:58,228 --> 00:35:01,536
that you guys have
really rubbed off on me.
541
00:35:01,579 --> 00:35:03,659
I like to think that I've
rubbed off around you, too.
542
00:35:05,627 --> 00:35:07,585
A lot.
543
00:35:07,629 --> 00:35:10,284
And for the first time
in a long while...
544
00:35:10,327 --> 00:35:11,502
I like me.
545
00:35:13,722 --> 00:35:16,246
I accept your apology. I never apologized.
546
00:35:16,290 --> 00:35:17,856
I was talking to your heart.
547
00:35:17,900 --> 00:35:20,294
See? You're not
lost cause you thought.
548
00:35:20,337 --> 00:35:23,558
I'm proud. You're everything
I knew you can be.
549
00:35:23,601 --> 00:35:25,603
Thank you, Colossus.
550
00:35:25,647 --> 00:35:27,257
Just trying to be
the world's best X-Man.
551
00:35:27,301 --> 00:35:28,737
Sorry, X-Person.
552
00:35:30,304 --> 00:35:33,002
Hmm. Something wrong
with the soap.
553
00:35:33,045 --> 00:35:34,656
It's fine.
554
00:35:34,699 --> 00:35:36,919
I just filled it. Give it
a few more pumps there.
555
00:35:38,138 --> 00:35:40,618
Now, if you'll excuse me...
556
00:35:40,662 --> 00:35:42,446
it's dust bunny season...
557
00:35:42,490 --> 00:35:43,491
and I'm hunting wabbits.
558
00:35:44,231 --> 00:35:45,319
Bye, Wade!
559
00:35:47,495 --> 00:35:50,062
Fuck.
Fuck you.
560
00:36:01,726 --> 00:36:04,294
No one is born perfect.
561
00:36:04,338 --> 00:36:06,340
But you can be.
562
00:36:06,383 --> 00:36:08,733
I know you're doing
what comes naturally.
563
00:36:13,042 --> 00:36:14,870
You can't help yourself.
564
00:36:18,743 --> 00:36:20,832
But you can.
565
00:36:20,876 --> 00:36:23,966
It takes work, discipline...
566
00:36:24,009 --> 00:36:25,228
and treatment.
567
00:36:25,272 --> 00:36:26,969
Your abilities...
568
00:36:28,927 --> 00:36:31,713
I know how seductive they are.
569
00:36:31,756 --> 00:36:34,890
How powerful
they make you feel.
570
00:36:34,933 --> 00:36:37,458
But you must learn
never to use them...
571
00:36:37,501 --> 00:36:40,112
so they will never use you.
572
00:36:46,336 --> 00:36:47,946
Please don't cry.
573
00:36:48,773 --> 00:36:50,384
I'm going to help.
574
00:36:50,427 --> 00:36:53,604
I'm gonna make you feel
what you should feel.
575
00:36:53,648 --> 00:36:56,172
How you need to feel...
576
00:36:56,216 --> 00:36:59,567
every time you're tempted
to act upon your urges.
577
00:36:59,610 --> 00:37:03,527
Suck my mutant dick,
you four-eyed fuck.
578
00:37:17,933 --> 00:37:19,151
Wade.
579
00:37:20,152 --> 00:37:21,719
Wade!
580
00:37:21,763 --> 00:37:23,852
Come in!
Hey, I was just doing
581
00:37:23,895 --> 00:37:25,810
a little bit
of light reading here...
582
00:37:25,854 --> 00:37:27,290
We have mission.
583
00:37:27,334 --> 00:37:28,857
Well, you guys be
safe out there.
584
00:37:28,900 --> 00:37:30,162
I'll be praying for you.
585
00:37:30,206 --> 00:37:32,600
No, I want you to join.
586
00:37:33,818 --> 00:37:34,993
I'm sorry, what?
587
00:37:35,037 --> 00:37:36,647
You heard me.
588
00:37:36,691 --> 00:37:39,084
Trust me,
that's a terrible idea.
589
00:37:39,128 --> 00:37:40,216
I'm really not ready.
590
00:37:40,260 --> 00:37:41,957
You are ready. I'm not.
591
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:43,872
Be at the X-Jet in five.
592
00:37:43,915 --> 00:37:45,090
I can do thirty.
593
00:37:45,134 --> 00:37:47,092
Now. I can do now.
594
00:37:47,136 --> 00:37:48,355
Final offer.
595
00:37:48,398 --> 00:37:50,966
Irene Merryweather, WHIT News.
596
00:37:51,009 --> 00:37:53,011
Live here
at a breaking news situation
597
00:37:53,055 --> 00:37:55,710
at the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation.
598
00:37:55,753 --> 00:37:57,712
A mutant boy
is appearing to have
599
00:37:57,755 --> 00:37:59,235
some sort of an incident...
600
00:37:59,279 --> 00:38:00,778
- with police here behind me.
- Get away from me!
601
00:38:00,802 --> 00:38:03,239
There are two police vehicles
that are overturned.
602
00:38:03,283 --> 00:38:04,738
There are open fires. Fuck off! Stay back!
603
00:38:04,762 --> 00:38:05,826
A scene of
absolute chaos here.
604
00:38:05,850 --> 00:38:06,982
Calm down.
605
00:38:07,025 --> 00:38:09,637
I'll burn you!
You stay back!
606
00:38:10,377 --> 00:38:12,161
Get away from me!
607
00:38:12,204 --> 00:38:14,685
You wanna fucking die?
608
00:38:29,700 --> 00:38:32,921
And it appears as if the X-Men
are arriving...
609
00:38:32,964 --> 00:38:34,488
Scatter!
610
00:38:34,531 --> 00:38:36,533
...with what appears
to be a trainee.
611
00:38:36,577 --> 00:38:39,580
Everyone, calm down!
The pros are here. I...
612
00:38:39,623 --> 00:38:40,798
We're the X-Men!
613
00:38:40,842 --> 00:38:43,366
A dated metaphor for racism
in the '60s.
614
00:38:43,410 --> 00:38:45,934
So, respect.
615
00:38:45,977 --> 00:38:47,239
At ease, Officer.
616
00:38:48,806 --> 00:38:50,330
What are you doing?
617
00:38:50,808 --> 00:38:52,114
My job!
618
00:38:52,157 --> 00:38:53,557
You're the one who said
I was ready,
619
00:38:53,594 --> 00:38:55,117
and I frankly disagreed
with you.
620
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:57,554
But here we are, trying to
overcome our differences.
621
00:38:57,598 --> 00:39:00,035
Like Beyonce says, "Please...
622
00:39:00,862 --> 00:39:02,254
"Please, stop cheating on me."
623
00:39:02,298 --> 00:39:03,386
Hey!
624
00:39:03,430 --> 00:39:04,822
This is the fifth incident.
625
00:39:04,866 --> 00:39:07,085
This kid needs to be
in the Ice Box, not here.
626
00:39:07,129 --> 00:39:08,783
Russell belongs in our care.
627
00:39:08,826 --> 00:39:10,611
Not in prison.
I assure you...
628
00:39:10,654 --> 00:39:11,805
we have everything
under control.
629
00:39:11,829 --> 00:39:12,937
Stay back!
I'll burn you!
630
00:39:12,961 --> 00:39:14,179
Not getting a real
631
00:39:14,223 --> 00:39:16,312
"under control"
vibe here, Marty.
632
00:39:16,356 --> 00:39:18,401
It is Glen, isn't it? Daniel.
633
00:39:18,445 --> 00:39:19,663
I'll ask the questions,
Miguel.
634
00:39:19,707 --> 00:39:21,056
Let me talk to the kid.
635
00:39:21,099 --> 00:39:25,930
You stay here with your weird,
secret sex lips.
636
00:39:27,671 --> 00:39:28,716
You wanna die?
637
00:39:28,759 --> 00:39:29,954
This kid's adorable.
638
00:39:29,978 --> 00:39:30,998
I don't know why I packed
the hollow points.
639
00:39:31,022 --> 00:39:32,197
I'll burn your balls off!
640
00:39:32,241 --> 00:39:35,592
First day.
I'm so nervous!
641
00:39:35,636 --> 00:39:37,202
Did you just say
"hollow points"?
642
00:39:37,246 --> 00:39:38,595
Yeah, probably should've
643
00:39:38,639 --> 00:39:40,684
brought a Super Soaker.
644
00:39:41,250 --> 00:39:42,251
Hi, there!
645
00:39:43,513 --> 00:39:46,037
Stay back
or Justin Bieber dies!
646
00:39:46,081 --> 00:39:49,563
Justin Bieber.
He called you Justin Bieber.
647
00:39:50,955 --> 00:39:52,629
Hold on! Wait, wait, wait!
648
00:39:52,653 --> 00:39:55,786
Okay, let's not do
whatever that is.
649
00:39:55,830 --> 00:39:57,353
Okay? Let's just talk!
650
00:39:57,397 --> 00:39:59,007
It's Russell, right?
651
00:39:59,050 --> 00:40:01,313
Firefist.Firefist.
652
00:40:01,357 --> 00:40:03,577
Ooh, that's a great name.
Where does it burn?
653
00:40:03,620 --> 00:40:05,420
Just the fist, or all the way
up to the elbow?
654
00:40:10,105 --> 00:40:12,760
Definitely all
the way up to the elbow.
655
00:40:12,803 --> 00:40:15,632
Come quietly,
or there will be trouble.
656
00:40:15,676 --> 00:40:18,461
You stole that from Robocop!
That's from Robocop!
657
00:40:18,505 --> 00:40:20,158
Just stand down!
658
00:40:20,202 --> 00:40:22,291
You're embarrassing me.
Look, Fire...
659
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:26,164
Oh, my God! I can't say it!
I'm so sorry!
660
00:40:30,691 --> 00:40:34,695
Oh, shit!
That fucking does it!
661
00:40:34,738 --> 00:40:36,131
Put your hands
behind your knees
662
00:40:36,174 --> 00:40:37,654
and get down
on your head! Now!
663
00:40:37,698 --> 00:40:39,961
Wade! What was first rule?
664
00:40:40,004 --> 00:40:41,963
Label everything
in the refrigerator!
665
00:40:42,006 --> 00:40:44,618
Do not escalate!
Rules are meant to be broken!
666
00:40:44,661 --> 00:40:46,097
That's the exact opposite
667
00:40:46,141 --> 00:40:47,490
of what they're meant for!
668
00:40:48,535 --> 00:40:50,493
Fuck! Fine!
669
00:40:50,537 --> 00:40:52,147
I'll start from the beginning.
670
00:40:52,190 --> 00:40:54,541
My name is Deadpool,
and I'm an X-Man.
671
00:40:54,584 --> 00:40:56,543
Trainee! Shut it!
672
00:40:57,500 --> 00:40:59,763
Look, I get it.
673
00:41:00,938 --> 00:41:02,549
All right, you're scared.
674
00:41:03,114 --> 00:41:04,202
Alone.
675
00:41:04,246 --> 00:41:05,334
You got no family.
676
00:41:05,377 --> 00:41:06,442
I didn't have
a family, either.
677
00:41:06,466 --> 00:41:08,206
You live in this dump.
Guess what?
678
00:41:08,250 --> 00:41:09,947
I used to live in a shithole
just like it.
679
00:41:10,861 --> 00:41:12,210
But you know something?
680
00:41:12,254 --> 00:41:13,995
A wise woman
once said to me...
681
00:41:14,038 --> 00:41:15,518
"Speak up."
682
00:41:15,562 --> 00:41:18,390
"I can't hear you with that
pity dick in your mouth."
683
00:41:18,434 --> 00:41:20,044
Too much? I went too far.
684
00:41:28,009 --> 00:41:29,532
That was effervescent.
685
00:41:29,576 --> 00:41:31,839
Stay in school, kid.
686
00:41:31,882 --> 00:41:33,710
Or don't. I didn't.
687
00:41:33,754 --> 00:41:35,364
And I'm an X-Man.
688
00:41:35,407 --> 00:41:36,539
Trainee.
689
00:41:36,583 --> 00:41:37,932
Fuck it!
690
00:41:37,975 --> 00:41:39,716
Superhero landing coming up!
691
00:41:43,328 --> 00:41:44,982
Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck!
692
00:41:45,026 --> 00:41:47,115
That is so not practical.
693
00:42:07,614 --> 00:42:09,746
I could get used
to this X-Man shit.
694
00:42:09,790 --> 00:42:10,941
Trainee!
695
00:42:10,965 --> 00:42:12,183
Trainee!
696
00:42:12,227 --> 00:42:14,011
Get a power restraint
on him. Now!
697
00:42:14,055 --> 00:42:17,275
Calm down, squirt.
It's over. We got ya.
698
00:42:19,147 --> 00:42:20,670
What's that do?
699
00:42:20,714 --> 00:42:22,237
Power-dampening collar.
700
00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:23,586
Shuts down
all mutant abilities.
701
00:42:23,630 --> 00:42:26,458
You can't get it off.
Unless you've got a grenade.
702
00:42:26,502 --> 00:42:29,505
Huh. Could've used
one of those in the first act.
703
00:42:29,549 --> 00:42:30,767
Thank you!
704
00:42:32,639 --> 00:42:34,858
That was absolutely thrilling.
705
00:42:34,902 --> 00:42:37,121
True heroism in action.
706
00:42:37,165 --> 00:42:38,819
We are in your debt.
707
00:42:39,646 --> 00:42:41,299
We can take it from here.
708
00:42:41,343 --> 00:42:43,563
Take me
to the Ice Box, please!
709
00:42:43,606 --> 00:42:44,781
Anywhere's better than here.
710
00:42:44,825 --> 00:42:46,087
Believe me, son,
711
00:42:46,130 --> 00:42:47,871
you do not wanna go
to the Ice Box.
712
00:42:47,915 --> 00:42:50,526
That place makes Hitler's anus
look like Waikiki.
713
00:42:50,570 --> 00:42:52,441
Let's get you inside,
young man.
714
00:42:52,484 --> 00:42:54,486
No, wait, wait. Wait.
715
00:42:54,530 --> 00:42:56,010
You guys stay there.
716
00:43:06,107 --> 00:43:07,717
Those guys hurt you?
717
00:43:09,153 --> 00:43:10,198
Who?
718
00:43:12,243 --> 00:43:14,942
Baldilocks? Jared Kushner?
719
00:43:16,421 --> 00:43:17,901
Both of 'em?
720
00:43:21,644 --> 00:43:23,341
Oh, fuck it.
721
00:43:23,385 --> 00:43:24,952
Four or five moments!
722
00:43:24,995 --> 00:43:26,040
I'm sorry?
723
00:43:26,083 --> 00:43:29,260
Four or five moments!
724
00:43:30,522 --> 00:43:33,264
That's all it takes
to be a hero.
725
00:43:34,309 --> 00:43:36,616
People think
you wake up a hero...
726
00:43:36,659 --> 00:43:38,792
brush your teeth a hero...
727
00:43:38,835 --> 00:43:41,751
ejaculate into
a soap dispenser a hero.
728
00:43:43,187 --> 00:43:46,887
But, no, being a hero
takes only a few moments!
729
00:43:48,236 --> 00:43:49,890
A few moments...
730
00:43:49,933 --> 00:43:52,632
doing the ugly stuff
no one else will do.
731
00:43:56,113 --> 00:43:57,245
No!
732
00:43:59,900 --> 00:44:01,181
Stand down!
Hold your fire!
733
00:44:01,205 --> 00:44:03,555
Wade, what did you do? Colossus, no!
734
00:44:03,599 --> 00:44:06,863
You were right, Wade.
You are not X-Men material.
735
00:44:06,907 --> 00:44:09,213
No shit, Shiny Gandhi!
736
00:44:09,257 --> 00:44:10,737
What was your first clue?
737
00:44:10,780 --> 00:44:13,914
The hollow point
through that fuckhead's face?
738
00:44:13,957 --> 00:44:15,263
That kid was abused!
739
00:44:15,306 --> 00:44:17,352
- You can always tell!
- We have rules!
740
00:44:17,395 --> 00:44:20,137
You are not judge,
jury or executioner!
741
00:44:20,181 --> 00:44:23,140
Fuck your rules!
I fight for what's right!
742
00:44:23,184 --> 00:44:25,012
And sometimes
you gotta fight dirty!
743
00:44:25,055 --> 00:44:28,102
You let me down
for the last time, Wade.
744
00:44:31,235 --> 00:44:33,542
Okay,
get these guys in the pod.
745
00:44:33,585 --> 00:44:35,762
Take them to the Ice Box.
746
00:44:56,391 --> 00:44:57,392
Hey, baby!
747
00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:00,743
I wonder what gang
I'll be in.
748
00:45:00,787 --> 00:45:02,266
Yeah!
749
00:45:02,310 --> 00:45:04,573
- Is there, like, a Sorting Hat?
- Hi.
750
00:45:06,444 --> 00:45:07,837
I've always seen myself as
751
00:45:07,881 --> 00:45:09,273
more of
an East Coast Hufflepuff.
752
00:45:10,797 --> 00:45:13,756
I've made a critical error
on my Airbnb reservation.
753
00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:17,673
This is not what the website
looked like at all.
754
00:45:19,240 --> 00:45:20,981
I love the decor though.
755
00:45:21,024 --> 00:45:22,983
I had no idea
hopeless was a color.
756
00:45:23,026 --> 00:45:24,288
Hard left, douchebag.
757
00:45:28,815 --> 00:45:30,033
Please, after you.
758
00:45:32,166 --> 00:45:34,864
Another disgusting minority
off the streets.
759
00:45:34,908 --> 00:45:36,039
We'll sleep well tonight.
760
00:45:36,083 --> 00:45:37,127
Let's get a bagel.
761
00:45:40,391 --> 00:45:43,220
Nighty-night,
you annoying prick!
762
00:46:18,995 --> 00:46:20,886
You're a long way
from your superpowers.
763
00:46:20,910 --> 00:46:23,347
Yeah. Just a touch of cancer.
764
00:46:23,391 --> 00:46:25,872
Not to worry,
we're old friends.
765
00:46:25,915 --> 00:46:27,134
Fuck!
766
00:46:27,177 --> 00:46:29,353
I wanted to be a superhero.
767
00:46:29,397 --> 00:46:31,355
Always wanted
a real super suit.
768
00:46:31,399 --> 00:46:32,966
What happened?
769
00:46:33,009 --> 00:46:35,129
When was the last time you saw
a plus-sized superhero?
770
00:46:35,795 --> 00:46:37,274
Never.
771
00:46:37,318 --> 00:46:39,102
The industry discriminates.
772
00:46:40,190 --> 00:46:42,279
Fuck superheroes.
773
00:46:42,323 --> 00:46:44,586
The thing that
pisses me off the most...
774
00:46:44,629 --> 00:46:46,457
I never stood up
for myself in there.
775
00:46:48,068 --> 00:46:50,984
My whole life.
776
00:46:51,027 --> 00:46:54,509
I've been waiting for someone
to come and save me.
777
00:46:56,903 --> 00:46:59,862
Nobody's gonna sacrifice
anything for me.
778
00:47:03,997 --> 00:47:06,260
I gotta start taking care
of myself.
779
00:47:07,609 --> 00:47:10,351
I have a mission now.
780
00:47:10,394 --> 00:47:13,049
The first thing I wanna do
when I get out of here...
781
00:47:13,093 --> 00:47:15,443
burn the headmaster alive...
782
00:47:15,486 --> 00:47:19,186
and then take a selfie
with his smoldering corpse.
783
00:47:19,229 --> 00:47:21,666
Aw. That's, like,
my favorite part of the Bible.
784
00:47:23,407 --> 00:47:25,888
I don't have
a sock puppet on me...
785
00:47:25,932 --> 00:47:27,977
but what did he do to you?
786
00:47:28,021 --> 00:47:29,631
Did he taste the rainbow?
787
00:47:29,674 --> 00:47:31,720
I'd whisper it,
but Skittles would sue us.
788
00:47:32,895 --> 00:47:34,897
Fucker hates mutants.
789
00:47:34,941 --> 00:47:36,899
He tried to beat
the genes out of us.
790
00:47:36,943 --> 00:47:39,467
Nothing worse than
a "pray the gay away" type guy.
791
00:47:40,250 --> 00:47:41,643
Sick piece of shit.
792
00:47:43,036 --> 00:47:46,735
Tomorrow, we'll find
the biggest guy in here...
793
00:47:47,692 --> 00:47:49,390
and we'll make him our bitch!
794
00:47:53,307 --> 00:47:54,656
What was that?
795
00:47:54,699 --> 00:47:57,267
That is the biggest guy
in here.
796
00:47:57,311 --> 00:47:59,400
Fun fact about the Ice Box...
797
00:47:59,443 --> 00:48:01,271
though no one's ever seen it,
798
00:48:01,315 --> 00:48:03,534
they keep a monster
in the basement.
799
00:48:03,578 --> 00:48:05,319
Right next to a huge,
800
00:48:05,362 --> 00:48:06,886
steaming bowl
of foreshadowing.
801
00:48:07,538 --> 00:48:08,539
Look.
802
00:48:09,540 --> 00:48:11,803
I can't protect you.
803
00:48:11,847 --> 00:48:12,979
With this collar on,
804
00:48:13,022 --> 00:48:16,156
my superpower
is just unbridled cancer.
805
00:48:16,199 --> 00:48:19,681
Give me a bow and arrow,
I'm basically Hawkeye.
806
00:48:19,724 --> 00:48:21,813
Now, if you'll excuse me...
807
00:48:21,857 --> 00:48:25,034
I've got tumors to grow.
Vanessa awaits.
808
00:48:25,078 --> 00:48:27,558
I'll start by making us
a shank.
809
00:48:27,602 --> 00:48:29,517
Good listening. I stole that guard's pen...
810
00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:31,519
and stashed it
in the old prison wallet,
811
00:48:31,562 --> 00:48:32,955
if you know what I'm saying.
812
00:48:32,999 --> 00:48:35,479
I really hope I don't know
what you're saying.
813
00:48:37,568 --> 00:48:39,919
I know it's in there,
I just need to get it out.
814
00:48:39,962 --> 00:48:42,051
Oh, Jesus Christ.
815
00:48:42,095 --> 00:48:44,749
I can hear you
rummaging around in there.
816
00:48:44,793 --> 00:48:47,187
Do they make Purell
for your ears?
817
00:48:51,713 --> 00:48:53,073
And to update you
818
00:48:53,106 --> 00:48:54,498
on the story reported earlier,
819
00:48:54,542 --> 00:48:56,239
after a lengthy standoff
820
00:48:56,283 --> 00:48:58,894
outside the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation...
821
00:48:58,938 --> 00:49:00,243
two mutants were arrested
822
00:49:00,287 --> 00:49:02,028
and transported
to the Ice Box...
823
00:49:02,071 --> 00:49:03,551
Entering repair mode.
824
00:49:07,903 --> 00:49:09,489
...several
police cars were destroyed
825
00:49:09,513 --> 00:49:11,341
and the X-Men were called in
to restore order.
826
00:49:32,580 --> 00:49:34,582
Cells seven and nine
827
00:49:34,625 --> 00:49:38,020
now off-limits
for medical personnel.
828
00:49:38,064 --> 00:49:39,543
Cells seven and nine
829
00:49:39,587 --> 00:49:42,329
now off-limits
for medical personnel.
830
00:49:44,070 --> 00:49:45,462
Psst!
831
00:49:47,769 --> 00:49:50,119
Don't do that.
832
00:49:50,163 --> 00:49:53,035
What? Why are you
winking at me?
833
00:49:56,647 --> 00:49:58,040
I got your back.
834
00:49:58,084 --> 00:49:59,302
Oh, my God.
835
00:49:59,346 --> 00:50:00,869
You're sick,
I gotta protect you.
836
00:50:00,912 --> 00:50:02,827
Just leave me alone, kid.
837
00:50:03,959 --> 00:50:05,004
Oh, great.
838
00:50:06,875 --> 00:50:09,399
Well, hello there, new fish.
839
00:50:09,443 --> 00:50:12,489
It's nice to see some
fresh faces around here.
840
00:50:12,533 --> 00:50:14,796
I've done some
light catalog work...
841
00:50:14,839 --> 00:50:17,320
but, really, modeling is just
a stepping stone to acting.
842
00:50:17,364 --> 00:50:20,149
I was talking to him.Oh.
843
00:50:20,193 --> 00:50:23,587
Have we met?
I can't place your mustache.
844
00:50:23,631 --> 00:50:26,286
Black Tom Cassidy. White Wade Wilson.
845
00:50:26,329 --> 00:50:29,767
What's your superpower?
Cultural appropriation?
846
00:50:29,811 --> 00:50:32,379
You're supposed to be
the toughest cunt in here.
847
00:50:32,422 --> 00:50:34,990
You don't look
like much to me.
848
00:50:35,034 --> 00:50:37,471
First rule of the yard,
fuckface...
849
00:50:37,514 --> 00:50:39,560
find the biggest guy
and make him your...
850
00:50:43,390 --> 00:50:45,609
Second biggest guy.
851
00:50:45,653 --> 00:50:48,090
The last thing I need
is more hepatitis.
852
00:50:48,134 --> 00:50:51,702
Oh, it's slippery, too.
This table needs a wipe down!
853
00:50:51,746 --> 00:50:53,574
Can we get a wipe down
on the table?
854
00:50:54,879 --> 00:50:57,099
Kid, I think you picked
the wrong side.
855
00:50:57,143 --> 00:50:59,493
No, I didn't!
He's my friend!
856
00:50:59,536 --> 00:51:01,799
Zip it. We're not friends.
857
00:51:03,497 --> 00:51:04,777
You're about to get
dick-slapped.
858
00:51:17,163 --> 00:51:18,903
I had so much fun!
You were like...
859
00:51:18,947 --> 00:51:21,036
And I was like,
"Take a seat, shit dick."
860
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:22,820
Just let me die in peace.
861
00:51:22,864 --> 00:51:24,996
We make a great team!
862
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:27,608
Oh, God! We're not a team.
863
00:51:27,651 --> 00:51:32,003
Why'd you say that back there?
We're friends, partners.
864
00:51:32,047 --> 00:51:34,441
We're not partners
or friends.
865
00:51:35,877 --> 00:51:37,966
This doesn't end with us
riding into the sunset.
866
00:51:38,009 --> 00:51:40,186
It ends with me
dying of cancer...
867
00:51:40,229 --> 00:51:44,103
and you winning the Ice Box
award for softest mouth.
868
00:51:45,539 --> 00:51:47,149
There's only one person
in this world
869
00:51:47,193 --> 00:51:48,977
that I care about,
and she's gone.
870
00:51:50,761 --> 00:51:53,938
You wanna survive?
871
00:51:53,982 --> 00:51:57,290
Stop trying to shank
the biggest guys in here...
872
00:51:57,333 --> 00:51:59,205
and make friends with them.
873
00:52:00,510 --> 00:52:02,121
Make friends with someone.
874
00:52:03,339 --> 00:52:04,949
Anyone but me.
875
00:52:06,125 --> 00:52:08,431
Maybe even Black Tim.
876
00:52:09,345 --> 00:52:10,955
Black Evan, I don't know.
877
00:52:10,999 --> 00:52:13,480
All I remember is
he was African-American.
878
00:52:58,960 --> 00:53:01,049
System malfunctioning.
879
00:53:01,092 --> 00:53:04,444
Cells 7, 12, 14, 27.
880
00:53:04,487 --> 00:53:06,750
Back in your cells, you filthy
mutants! Get in there!
881
00:53:06,794 --> 00:53:10,101
Cells 1, 3, 7, 8.
882
00:53:11,277 --> 00:53:12,717
Searching.
883
00:53:14,236 --> 00:53:16,586
Cell 04 located.
884
00:53:17,979 --> 00:53:20,111
Door won't open!
885
00:53:20,155 --> 00:53:21,765
On your fucking knees!
886
00:53:58,715 --> 00:54:00,413
That was our cell.
887
00:54:02,545 --> 00:54:04,852
What did I do to piss off
a grumpy old fucker
888
00:54:04,895 --> 00:54:06,070
with a Winter Soldier arm?
889
00:54:15,341 --> 00:54:17,256
Get away from me, kid!
890
00:54:24,872 --> 00:54:26,090
Listen to me! Go!
891
00:54:31,574 --> 00:54:32,880
Hello, Russell.
892
00:56:16,462 --> 00:56:17,463
Who are you?
893
00:56:18,377 --> 00:56:19,595
I'm Batman.
894
00:56:31,041 --> 00:56:32,086
Ooh!
895
00:56:36,830 --> 00:56:39,702
Oh. That's got some zip.
896
00:56:48,232 --> 00:56:51,018
Don't feel bad.
Even I can't kill me.
897
00:56:51,714 --> 00:56:53,281
Talk!
898
00:56:53,324 --> 00:56:55,109
What kind of
spineless shit stick
899
00:56:55,152 --> 00:56:56,502
tries to kill
a 14-year-old boy?
900
00:56:57,807 --> 00:56:59,330
You might wanna start talking!
901
00:56:59,374 --> 00:57:01,614
'Cause I got a long history of
firing at times like this!
902
00:57:02,986 --> 00:57:04,988
The name's Cable.
903
00:57:05,032 --> 00:57:07,687
I'm from the future.
Just walk away.
904
00:57:08,383 --> 00:57:09,689
Oh!
905
00:57:09,732 --> 00:57:11,691
So, you're from the future.
906
00:57:11,734 --> 00:57:13,693
I have
three questions then.
907
00:57:13,736 --> 00:57:17,348
One, is dubstep still a thing?
908
00:57:17,392 --> 00:57:19,873
Two, do people still homebrew?
909
00:57:19,916 --> 00:57:22,484
And three,
does Dopinder ever find love?
910
00:58:06,659 --> 00:58:08,443
Dubstep's for pussies.
911
00:58:08,487 --> 00:58:09,792
You're so dark!
912
00:58:09,836 --> 00:58:11,925
Are you sure you're not
from the DC universe?
913
00:58:12,665 --> 00:58:14,231
I love dubstep!
914
00:58:40,519 --> 00:58:41,955
Is that a fanny pack?
915
00:58:41,998 --> 00:58:44,566
I used to have one of those
in 1990-never.
916
00:58:45,567 --> 00:58:47,656
Something to remember you by.
917
00:58:47,700 --> 00:58:51,486
Give me that back!
That goes with me everywhere.
918
00:58:51,530 --> 00:58:53,880
Like the memory
of your fucking fanny pack!
919
00:59:03,629 --> 00:59:05,718
Why are you protecting
the kid?
920
00:59:07,023 --> 00:59:09,330
I don't give a fuck
about him...
921
00:59:09,373 --> 00:59:11,767
and his Are You My Mother?
complex!
922
00:59:14,117 --> 00:59:15,379
What's this one do?
923
00:59:29,568 --> 00:59:31,178
In every film,
there's a moment
924
00:59:31,221 --> 00:59:33,615
when the hero
hits rock bottom.
925
00:59:33,659 --> 00:59:35,617
InCool Runnings,
it was when John Candy's
926
00:59:35,661 --> 00:59:37,619
prized bobsled broke.
927
00:59:37,663 --> 00:59:40,404
InHuman Centipede,
it was when those people...
928
00:59:40,448 --> 00:59:42,015
signed on to be in that movie.
929
00:59:42,058 --> 00:59:44,191
But in this film, well...
930
00:59:44,234 --> 00:59:45,453
you're looking at it.
931
00:59:45,496 --> 00:59:47,237
On your fucking knees, mutant.
932
00:59:50,153 --> 00:59:51,154
Rock...
933
00:59:55,202 --> 00:59:56,682
meet bottom.
934
01:00:07,388 --> 01:00:08,539
I love you, Wade Wilson.
935
01:00:08,563 --> 01:00:09,738
Ness?
936
01:00:10,783 --> 01:00:12,262
Hey, Ness!
937
01:00:13,133 --> 01:00:14,961
Ness, can you let me in?
938
01:00:15,004 --> 01:00:17,093
Please! Please.
939
01:00:19,269 --> 01:00:20,401
Jesus.
940
01:00:23,317 --> 01:00:25,077
You're not giving me
a lot of direction here.
941
01:00:25,101 --> 01:00:26,929
I'm at the end of my rope.
942
01:00:29,410 --> 01:00:31,760
Then I joined the X-Men.
943
01:00:31,804 --> 01:00:33,632
I went to prison. I, uh...
944
01:00:37,723 --> 01:00:39,246
Is it the kid?
945
01:00:41,291 --> 01:00:44,207
Kids give us a chance to be
better than we used to be.
946
01:00:45,644 --> 01:00:46,645
The kid!
947
01:01:00,267 --> 01:01:01,877
That's exactly what she meant.
948
01:01:01,921 --> 01:01:03,333
Your heart needs to be
in the right place.
949
01:01:03,357 --> 01:01:05,228
I'm not gonna
abandon this kid.
950
01:01:05,272 --> 01:01:07,883
He's never had anyone, ever.
951
01:01:07,927 --> 01:01:09,276
I need to be selfless.
952
01:01:09,319 --> 01:01:11,278
Yeah, but what does
that mean?
953
01:01:11,321 --> 01:01:14,585
It means
I'm gonna save Russell.
954
01:01:14,629 --> 01:01:16,152
Maybe I couldn't
save Vanessa...
955
01:01:16,196 --> 01:01:19,199
but maybe I can save a robust
teenager from New Zealand.
956
01:01:19,242 --> 01:01:21,307
Yeah, but what I mean is,
like, the world "selfless."
957
01:01:21,331 --> 01:01:22,855
I literally don't know
what that means.
958
01:01:22,898 --> 01:01:24,073
Jesus Christ.
959
01:01:24,117 --> 01:01:26,859
Okay, look.
According to my guy, okay...
960
01:01:26,902 --> 01:01:28,730
those muties
are being transferred
961
01:01:28,774 --> 01:01:30,601
to a supermax, 80 miles away.
962
01:01:30,645 --> 01:01:32,473
Great, I'll pick 'em off
along the way.
963
01:01:32,516 --> 01:01:34,693
Hold your testicles there,
buddy, okay?
964
01:01:34,736 --> 01:01:36,738
We're talking about
an armored convoy...
965
01:01:36,782 --> 01:01:39,393
and a vicious super soldier
from the future...
966
01:01:39,436 --> 01:01:41,787
that is looking to turn your
skull into a fuckable ashtray.
967
01:01:41,830 --> 01:01:43,310
You know what we need to do?
968
01:01:43,353 --> 01:01:45,225
We need to build
a fucking team.
969
01:01:45,268 --> 01:01:47,357
We need 'em tough,
morally flexible...
970
01:01:47,401 --> 01:01:48,794
and young enough
so they can carry
971
01:01:48,837 --> 01:01:50,032
this franchise 10 to 12 years.
972
01:01:50,056 --> 01:01:51,927
A team of
highly-skilled motherfuckers.
973
01:01:51,971 --> 01:01:55,017
I'm talking about some
Ocean's 14shit. Rogue Two.
974
01:01:55,061 --> 01:01:57,498
John Wick 3,but with
the original director.
975
01:01:57,541 --> 01:01:59,456
My body is an
instrument of death.
976
01:01:59,500 --> 01:02:00,849
Not now, Dopinder.
977
01:02:00,893 --> 01:02:02,372
I could be of great use.
978
01:02:02,416 --> 01:02:03,983
What's your superpower?
979
01:02:05,811 --> 01:02:07,464
Courage. That's adorable.
980
01:02:07,508 --> 01:02:09,181
Do you have the courage
to check and see...
981
01:02:09,205 --> 01:02:11,599
if there are enough sanitary
napkins in the dispenser?
982
01:02:11,642 --> 01:02:12,687
Yes, sir.
983
01:02:12,731 --> 01:02:13,993
I'm sorry
you had to see that,
984
01:02:14,036 --> 01:02:16,386
although I'm glad
you heard it.
985
01:02:16,430 --> 01:02:18,345
All right, I'll put out
a call for resumes.
986
01:02:18,388 --> 01:02:20,651
But we're not paying
medical or dental.
987
01:02:20,695 --> 01:02:22,741
It's time to get back
on LinkedIn.
988
01:02:59,603 --> 01:03:01,257
Attention, all inmates!
989
01:03:01,301 --> 01:03:03,738
Transport to Cross Force
Maximum Security
990
01:03:03,782 --> 01:03:05,261
Mutant Containment Facility...
991
01:03:05,305 --> 01:03:07,263
will begin at 0800 hours.
992
01:03:07,307 --> 01:03:09,309
Inspection of your cells
and out processing
993
01:03:09,352 --> 01:03:11,398
will begin at 0600.
994
01:03:19,710 --> 01:03:20,799
Oi.
995
01:03:20,842 --> 01:03:22,191
What the fuck
do you want?
996
01:03:22,235 --> 01:03:24,063
That's my fucking pudding.
997
01:03:24,106 --> 01:03:26,108
Fuck your pudding! You like pudding?
998
01:03:47,129 --> 01:03:48,130
Hello?
999
01:03:50,437 --> 01:03:52,787
I know you're in there.
1000
01:04:08,455 --> 01:04:10,761
Must be hard
being the biggest guy in here.
1001
01:04:12,024 --> 01:04:14,330
Lonely at the top, eh?
1002
01:04:14,374 --> 01:04:16,332
They're moving us tomorrow.
1003
01:04:18,813 --> 01:04:20,597
Maybe I can get you
out of here.
1004
01:04:21,816 --> 01:04:24,950
And we can make
the whole world our bitch.
1005
01:04:26,821 --> 01:04:28,562
We need a secret code.
1006
01:04:31,782 --> 01:04:34,220
No,
that's stupid, Russell. Idiot.
1007
01:04:41,488 --> 01:04:43,011
We're a team.
1008
01:04:43,055 --> 01:04:45,013
We're like thugs,
we're like gangsters.
1009
01:04:45,057 --> 01:04:48,712
I'm like Tupac,
and you're like Ice Cube.
1010
01:04:48,756 --> 01:04:49,864
Supposedly,
she can rap, too.
1011
01:04:49,888 --> 01:04:50,976
Yeah.
1012
01:04:51,019 --> 01:04:52,064
I like that.
1013
01:04:52,107 --> 01:04:53,761
Terrific,
these are all terrific.
1014
01:04:53,804 --> 01:04:55,545
Meet Bedlam.
1015
01:04:55,589 --> 01:04:57,852
Cool name! Superpowers?
1016
01:04:57,896 --> 01:04:59,419
I can distort
electrical fields.
1017
01:05:00,637 --> 01:05:02,857
Including the one
inside your brain...
1018
01:05:02,901 --> 01:05:05,599
causing anxiety, confusion...
1019
01:05:05,642 --> 01:05:07,644
pain.
1020
01:05:07,688 --> 01:05:09,777
So, basically,
you're Dave Matthews.
1021
01:05:09,820 --> 01:05:10,952
We can use him.
1022
01:05:12,736 --> 01:05:14,390
I'm Zeitgeist.
1023
01:05:14,434 --> 01:05:15,739
Cool. I like it.
1024
01:05:15,783 --> 01:05:17,045
So you have the power
1025
01:05:17,089 --> 01:05:19,439
to put your finger
on the pulse of society?
1026
01:05:20,483 --> 01:05:21,658
No.
1027
01:05:21,702 --> 01:05:23,269
No, I spit acidic vomit.
1028
01:05:23,312 --> 01:05:24,444
Oh.Do you want me
1029
01:05:24,487 --> 01:05:25,880
to demonstrate? DEADPOOL: No!
1030
01:05:25,924 --> 01:05:27,403
We'll take
your word for it.
1031
01:05:27,447 --> 01:05:29,599
Thank you. Yeah. Listen,
we've all eaten at Arby's, okay?
1032
01:05:29,623 --> 01:05:32,234
And this is the Vanisher.
1033
01:05:35,585 --> 01:05:36,586
But...
1034
01:05:37,761 --> 01:05:39,241
Vanisher!
1035
01:05:41,765 --> 01:05:43,419
Nice! Right?
1036
01:05:44,725 --> 01:05:45,856
He's not here, is he?
1037
01:05:45,900 --> 01:05:47,423
He may be running late.
1038
01:05:49,034 --> 01:05:51,862
My name's Rusty,
but I go by Shatterstar.
1039
01:05:51,906 --> 01:05:53,125
That's good, yeah.
1040
01:05:53,168 --> 01:05:55,301
"Rusty" is terrible.Toughie.
1041
01:05:55,344 --> 01:05:58,173
So, uh, where are you from?
The planet Mojo World.
1042
01:05:58,217 --> 01:06:00,262
So you're an alien, I guess. Bad name.
1043
01:06:00,306 --> 01:06:02,003
How does that, uh, help us?
1044
01:06:02,047 --> 01:06:04,963
I'm basically better
than you at everything.
1045
01:06:05,006 --> 01:06:06,723
Just once, I'm gonna find
a planet of people
1046
01:06:06,747 --> 01:06:08,314
that are worse than me
at everything.
1047
01:06:08,357 --> 01:06:10,577
A whole bunch
of functional idiots.
1048
01:06:10,620 --> 01:06:12,555
I'm gonna go there, and I'm
gonna be their Superman.
1049
01:06:12,579 --> 01:06:13,710
Isn't that Canada?
1050
01:06:13,754 --> 01:06:16,148
You shut your
goddamn trash mouth!
1051
01:06:17,323 --> 01:06:18,846
Meet... Domino.
1052
01:06:18,889 --> 01:06:20,935
What's your shtick? I'm lucky.
1053
01:06:20,979 --> 01:06:22,371
That's not a superpower.
1054
01:06:22,415 --> 01:06:23,546
Yeah, it is. No, it isn't.
1055
01:06:23,590 --> 01:06:24,852
Yes, it is. No, it isn't.
1056
01:06:24,895 --> 01:06:25,940
Yeah, it is. No, it isn't.
1057
01:06:25,984 --> 01:06:27,028
Yes, it is. No, it isn't.
1058
01:06:27,072 --> 01:06:28,092
Yeah, it is. Really isn't.
1059
01:06:28,116 --> 01:06:29,335
No, it isn't.Yes, it is.
1060
01:06:29,378 --> 01:06:30,553
Told you.
1061
01:06:30,597 --> 01:06:31,946
Get out of my head!
1062
01:06:31,990 --> 01:06:33,600
I'm not in your head.
1063
01:06:33,643 --> 01:06:34,993
I'm in an
11-year-old's bedroom.
1064
01:06:35,036 --> 01:06:36,168
Well, if you're so lucky,
1065
01:06:36,211 --> 01:06:37,821
then what are you
doing here with us?
1066
01:06:37,865 --> 01:06:38,997
I don't know yet.
1067
01:06:39,040 --> 01:06:40,563
What's that supposed to mean?
1068
01:06:40,607 --> 01:06:41,888
There's a reason why I'm here,
and I'll know when I know.
1069
01:06:41,912 --> 01:06:43,716
Everything usually
just kind of works out for me.
1070
01:06:43,740 --> 01:06:45,568
Like 2008 Ryan Reynolds.
1071
01:06:46,874 --> 01:06:48,006
I don't know who that is.
1072
01:06:48,049 --> 01:06:49,529
You're hired.
1073
01:06:49,572 --> 01:06:50,617
Lucky me.
1074
01:06:50,660 --> 01:06:51,879
I like her!
1075
01:06:53,011 --> 01:06:54,316
And last, but not least...
1076
01:06:54,360 --> 01:06:55,491
Peter.
1077
01:06:56,884 --> 01:06:59,408
Am I getting
catfished here or...?
1078
01:06:59,452 --> 01:07:01,367
Any powers you wanna
tell us about?
1079
01:07:01,410 --> 01:07:03,021
No.
1080
01:07:03,064 --> 01:07:04,761
I don't have one.
1081
01:07:04,805 --> 01:07:06,111
Um, I just saw the ad.
1082
01:07:06,154 --> 01:07:07,938
No superpowers at all?
1083
01:07:07,982 --> 01:07:11,072
Uh, I have both
Type 1 and 2 Diabetes.
1084
01:07:11,594 --> 01:07:12,943
Ow! Oh!
1085
01:07:12,987 --> 01:07:14,119
That's all the diabetes.
1086
01:07:14,162 --> 01:07:15,468
Right?
Yeah, you got 'em all.
1087
01:07:15,511 --> 01:07:17,426
If you find a Type 3,
let us know.
1088
01:07:17,948 --> 01:07:18,993
Yeah.
1089
01:07:19,037 --> 01:07:20,125
You're in.
1090
01:07:20,168 --> 01:07:21,691
Yeah. Fuck!
1091
01:07:24,085 --> 01:07:25,478
It's fulfilling work.
1092
01:07:30,570 --> 01:07:31,875
Let's go!
1093
01:07:45,498 --> 01:07:48,109
This is Convoy 17
departing the Ice Box.
1094
01:07:48,153 --> 01:07:49,502
We are en route.
1095
01:07:57,118 --> 01:07:59,468
Peacetime makes people soft.
1096
01:08:01,079 --> 01:08:02,863
I was born into war.
1097
01:08:04,386 --> 01:08:05,561
Bred into it.
1098
01:08:06,693 --> 01:08:08,477
Okay.
1099
01:08:08,521 --> 01:08:10,871
What's the most pain
you've ever felt?
1100
01:08:12,829 --> 01:08:14,092
These restraints are pretty...
1101
01:08:14,135 --> 01:08:16,006
People think
they understand pain.
1102
01:08:16,050 --> 01:08:17,486
They have no concept of it
1103
01:08:17,530 --> 01:08:19,488
beyond their own
worst experience.
1104
01:08:21,099 --> 01:08:24,276
5 years old. That's what?
1105
01:08:24,319 --> 01:08:25,886
A bee sting.
1106
01:08:25,929 --> 01:08:27,061
Oh, yeah.
1107
01:08:27,105 --> 01:08:29,629
20 years old, shrapnel.
1108
01:08:29,672 --> 01:08:32,371
40 years old, disease.
1109
01:08:32,414 --> 01:08:36,984
Maybe the kind that leaves you
more machine than man.
1110
01:08:37,027 --> 01:08:38,427
Yeah, getting old's
not for sissies.
1111
01:08:38,464 --> 01:08:40,118
That's what my
Grandma Ginny used to...
1112
01:08:40,161 --> 01:08:41,336
I've got a list.
1113
01:08:42,120 --> 01:08:44,078
We're gonna work down it.
1114
01:08:44,774 --> 01:08:45,775
Together.
1115
01:08:46,950 --> 01:08:49,997
Number one,
I'm gonna bend something.
1116
01:08:50,040 --> 01:08:52,347
Something that was not
meant to bend.
1117
01:08:52,391 --> 01:08:53,542
I'm gonna
stop you right there
1118
01:08:53,566 --> 01:08:54,891
because I'm not gonna
make it to two.
1119
01:08:54,915 --> 01:08:56,221
I won't even
make it to one.
1120
01:08:56,264 --> 01:08:58,005
I don't do well with pain,
you know.
1121
01:08:58,048 --> 01:09:00,399
If I stub my toe,
I'm done for the day.
1122
01:09:00,442 --> 01:09:02,836
I cried when they
canceled Felicity.
1123
01:09:02,879 --> 01:09:04,727
When I get really scared,
I get nervous erections.
1124
01:09:04,751 --> 01:09:06,144
I have one right now.
1125
01:09:06,187 --> 01:09:07,754
Don't look.
It'll only make it worse.
1126
01:09:07,797 --> 01:09:08,929
I don't want you
to hurt me,
1127
01:09:08,972 --> 01:09:11,149
and I'll tell you
anything you wanna know.
1128
01:09:12,150 --> 01:09:14,282
Except for where they are.
1129
01:09:14,326 --> 01:09:15,607
Russell's in a convoy
heading southbound
1130
01:09:15,631 --> 01:09:17,024
on Gerry Duggan Parkway.
1131
01:09:17,067 --> 01:09:18,393
The monster's with them.
I wouldn't fuck with him.
1132
01:09:18,417 --> 01:09:19,896
You all know the plan.
1133
01:09:19,940 --> 01:09:21,681
Intercept the convoy,
1134
01:09:21,724 --> 01:09:23,726
grab the boy.
But not inappropriately!
1135
01:09:23,770 --> 01:09:25,119
You know what,
1136
01:09:25,163 --> 01:09:26,686
I wouldn't fuck with
Deadpool either.
1137
01:09:26,729 --> 01:09:28,862
Because he's built a team.
He's unstoppable.
1138
01:09:28,905 --> 01:09:31,604
He has an ass pen.
He'll stab you with it.
1139
01:09:31,647 --> 01:09:34,259
Watch out for this guy, Cable!
1140
01:09:34,302 --> 01:09:37,566
He's very short, 5'11".
Not like in the comics.
1141
01:09:37,610 --> 01:09:40,700
And if we succeed,
we all go home early.
1142
01:09:40,743 --> 01:09:42,823
So if you go after
them, Cable, I warn you...
1143
01:09:43,616 --> 01:09:45,313
there's a wind advisory
in effect.
1144
01:09:56,455 --> 01:09:58,095
A little turbulent up here.
1145
01:10:05,464 --> 01:10:07,248
I don't know much
about this Cable fella...
1146
01:10:07,292 --> 01:10:08,684
but I guarantee
he hasn't killed
1147
01:10:08,728 --> 01:10:10,469
as many people
as melanoma has.
1148
01:10:11,861 --> 01:10:13,254
We're getting close!
1149
01:10:13,298 --> 01:10:14,995
As a former X-Man...
1150
01:10:15,038 --> 01:10:16,953
Trainee. Thank you, Bedlam.
1151
01:10:16,997 --> 01:10:19,347
I was always appalled
by the blatant sexism
1152
01:10:19,391 --> 01:10:21,001
in the group's name.
1153
01:10:21,044 --> 01:10:23,090
X-Men! Men!
1154
01:10:23,133 --> 01:10:26,136
The point is, our group
will be forward thinking.
1155
01:10:26,180 --> 01:10:27,486
Gender neutral.
1156
01:10:27,529 --> 01:10:29,836
From now on,
we'll be known as...
1157
01:10:32,099 --> 01:10:33,448
X-Force.
1158
01:10:33,492 --> 01:10:35,276
Isn't that
a little derivative?
1159
01:10:35,320 --> 01:10:37,713
I don't recall asking
your opinion, Peter!
1160
01:10:38,975 --> 01:10:40,412
That wasn't me.
1161
01:10:47,462 --> 01:10:49,812
Hang the laundry out
at 1,300 feet...
1162
01:10:49,856 --> 01:10:51,684
intercept the convoy,
and grab the boy.
1163
01:10:51,727 --> 01:10:52,835
Let's bring on
the carnage, baby!
1164
01:10:52,859 --> 01:10:54,730
Get me on the ground,
watch me go!
1165
01:10:54,774 --> 01:10:55,905
Yeah!
1166
01:10:55,949 --> 01:10:57,646
I can't wait to kill!
1167
01:10:57,690 --> 01:11:00,432
Hey! Hey! Hey!
1168
01:11:00,475 --> 01:11:03,173
I just wanna say
how proud I am of this team.
1169
01:11:03,217 --> 01:11:06,089
You know,
you guys look amazing!
1170
01:11:06,133 --> 01:11:09,005
Vanisher, I have no doubt
you look amazing too.
1171
01:11:09,049 --> 01:11:10,180
This is the family
1172
01:11:10,224 --> 01:11:11,904
that I've always dreamed
of having and I...
1173
01:11:12,661 --> 01:11:13,749
Ah, shit.
1174
01:11:15,360 --> 01:11:17,057
I just get a little choked up
sometimes.
1175
01:11:17,100 --> 01:11:18,928
I hate to interrupt,
but is anybody nervous
1176
01:11:18,972 --> 01:11:20,321
about the high winds?
1177
01:11:20,365 --> 01:11:21,714
Gary. My name's Peter.
1178
01:11:21,757 --> 01:11:23,672
I realize that you're
new to this, but relax.
1179
01:11:23,716 --> 01:11:25,370
You've been chosen
by a higher power.
1180
01:11:25,413 --> 01:11:27,720
Did he just call himself God?
I think he did.
1181
01:11:27,763 --> 01:11:29,330
I'd like to go home. And I'd like...
1182
01:11:29,374 --> 01:11:31,898
the McRib to be available
year round,
1183
01:11:31,941 --> 01:11:33,769
but sometimes dreams
don't come true.
1184
01:11:33,813 --> 01:11:35,989
I spent 10 years
in Special Forces.
1185
01:11:36,032 --> 01:11:37,183
You think we didn't
jump out of the plane
1186
01:11:37,207 --> 01:11:39,166
because of a light breeze?
1187
01:11:39,209 --> 01:11:41,473
You're in this shit now,
Mustache!
1188
01:11:41,516 --> 01:11:43,494
I'm only yelling
to impress the other guys.
1189
01:11:43,518 --> 01:11:45,825
I'd never let anything
happen to you, Sugarbear.
1190
01:11:45,868 --> 01:11:48,088
Leonard, hit it!
1191
01:11:56,792 --> 01:11:58,838
Go! Go! Go!
1192
01:12:34,526 --> 01:12:35,962
Let's get some!
1193
01:12:36,005 --> 01:12:37,180
Whoo!
1194
01:12:37,224 --> 01:12:38,399
Oh, yeah!
1195
01:12:38,443 --> 01:12:41,271
Convoy, 12 o'clock!
On my command!
1196
01:12:42,316 --> 01:12:43,796
Deploy! Oh, hey now!
1197
01:12:43,839 --> 01:12:45,101
Whoa!
1198
01:12:50,368 --> 01:12:52,282
Little off course here.
1199
01:12:54,459 --> 01:12:57,287
Holy mommy fucking shit!
1200
01:12:58,027 --> 01:12:59,464
Ah, there they are.
1201
01:12:59,507 --> 01:13:03,119
Look at these gorgeous
sons of bitches.
1202
01:13:03,163 --> 01:13:05,078
Oh, yeah!
That's right, Bedlam!
1203
01:13:10,170 --> 01:13:14,435
No! Tripping
motherfucking billies!
1204
01:13:14,479 --> 01:13:17,569
Shatterstar.
Okay, you got this.
1205
01:13:18,352 --> 01:13:19,397
Left!
1206
01:13:19,440 --> 01:13:20,789
Left!
1207
01:13:20,833 --> 01:13:23,096
You'd have to be insane
to take off in this.
1208
01:13:23,139 --> 01:13:25,359
No, stage left, you idiot!
1209
01:13:29,276 --> 01:13:30,799
Well, I guess
we found something
1210
01:13:30,843 --> 01:13:31,931
you're not better at.
1211
01:13:34,150 --> 01:13:35,456
Vanisher.
1212
01:13:35,500 --> 01:13:37,284
Maybe the wind can't blow
what it can't see.
1213
01:13:40,418 --> 01:13:41,854
Oh! Really?
1214
01:13:41,897 --> 01:13:44,247
All right,
we could do this with four.
1215
01:13:44,291 --> 01:13:47,294
Sugarbear.
You got this, buddy!
1216
01:13:47,337 --> 01:13:49,427
That's the stuff!
That's the X-Force spirit!
1217
01:13:50,645 --> 01:13:52,734
Never underestimate
a man with a mustache!
1218
01:13:52,778 --> 01:13:54,344
Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.
1219
01:13:54,388 --> 01:13:55,563
We did it!
1220
01:13:55,607 --> 01:13:57,173
You're a goddamn
superhero, you!
1221
01:13:57,217 --> 01:13:58,305
X-Force!
1222
01:13:58,914 --> 01:14:00,002
X-Force.
1223
01:14:04,398 --> 01:14:06,269
Oh!
1224
01:14:09,969 --> 01:14:11,013
Peter.
1225
01:14:11,057 --> 01:14:12,362
I got you, buddy!
1226
01:14:12,406 --> 01:14:13,601
You're gonna be fine!
This is not good, man!
1227
01:14:13,625 --> 01:14:15,931
You got this, big guy!
Here we go, Peter!
1228
01:14:15,975 --> 01:14:17,455
Look at me.
We're X-Force, right?
1229
01:14:17,498 --> 01:14:19,587
Yeah, we're X-Force. We're X-Force.
1230
01:14:23,635 --> 01:14:25,680
Oh, my God!
What the fuck?
1231
01:14:25,724 --> 01:14:27,726
Fucking acidic vomit!
1232
01:14:29,292 --> 01:14:32,078
Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up
in my mask.
1233
01:14:35,168 --> 01:14:37,562
Okay,
I'm over the convoy.
1234
01:14:37,605 --> 01:14:40,042
Where did the rest
of the team land?
1235
01:14:40,086 --> 01:14:41,740
Good news and bad news.
1236
01:14:41,783 --> 01:14:44,917
Bad news is
the whole team is dead.
1237
01:14:44,960 --> 01:14:46,266
The good news is,
1238
01:14:46,309 --> 01:14:48,137
I don't think anyone's
gonna miss Shatterstar.
1239
01:14:48,181 --> 01:14:51,532
He was a bit of a prick.
Oh, but Paul!
1240
01:14:51,576 --> 01:14:52,577
Peter!
1241
01:14:52,620 --> 01:14:54,100
Peter, I'm gonna
miss him most.
1242
01:14:54,143 --> 01:14:55,275
But there is
a slight chance
1243
01:14:55,318 --> 01:14:56,668
Vanisher could make it.
1244
01:14:56,711 --> 01:14:59,322
Nope, no chance. He's dead.
1245
01:14:59,366 --> 01:15:00,541
The whole team?
1246
01:15:00,585 --> 01:15:02,456
Only the main ones.
We're still good.
1247
01:15:02,500 --> 01:15:03,762
Fuck, you are dumb.
1248
01:15:03,805 --> 01:15:05,459
Whoever planned this stunt's
1249
01:15:05,503 --> 01:15:07,679
been smoking
a lot jazz cabbage.
1250
01:15:07,722 --> 01:15:08,854
I'll tell you that much.
1251
01:15:08,897 --> 01:15:10,551
That's pretty obvious!
1252
01:15:10,595 --> 01:15:12,335
Looking good, Vanisher.
1253
01:15:22,171 --> 01:15:24,043
They're headed
into the tunnel.
1254
01:15:25,044 --> 01:15:26,524
I'm that kid's only hope,
1255
01:15:26,567 --> 01:15:28,438
so sit tight
and wait for my word.
1256
01:15:29,178 --> 01:15:30,484
Whatever.
1257
01:15:30,528 --> 01:15:32,051
We're gonna lose 'em.
I'm dropping in.
1258
01:15:32,094 --> 01:15:34,488
Uh, that's
a negative, sole survivor.
1259
01:15:34,532 --> 01:15:37,056
Luck is not a superpower!
We are so fucked!
1260
01:15:37,099 --> 01:15:40,189
No, we most certainly
are not fucked.
1261
01:15:43,279 --> 01:15:45,934
Seriously,
I don't get it!
1262
01:15:45,978 --> 01:15:48,458
What, you shoot luck lasers
out of your eyes?
1263
01:15:50,635 --> 01:15:52,462
It's just
it's hard to picture.
1264
01:15:52,506 --> 01:15:54,595
And certainly
not very cinematic.
1265
01:15:57,293 --> 01:15:58,904
I mean, luck?
1266
01:15:58,947 --> 01:16:01,515
What coked out,
glass pipe-sucking
1267
01:16:01,559 --> 01:16:02,908
freakshow comic book artist...
1268
01:16:02,951 --> 01:16:04,605
came up
with that little chestnut?
1269
01:16:04,649 --> 01:16:06,912
Probably a guy
who can't draw feet!
1270
01:16:18,010 --> 01:16:21,317
Once again, it all falls
on my shoulders.
1271
01:16:21,361 --> 01:16:22,599
It's why I'm cursed to be
a solo act.
1272
01:16:22,623 --> 01:16:23,644
Wander the Earth... I'm in.
1273
01:16:23,668 --> 01:16:25,191
I'm sorry, what did you say?
1274
01:16:25,234 --> 01:16:26,366
I'm in.
1275
01:16:26,409 --> 01:16:28,281
How in the fuck
are you in already?
1276
01:16:28,716 --> 01:16:30,544
Oh, shit.
1277
01:16:30,588 --> 01:16:31,806
It's Cable. 12 o'clock.
1278
01:16:31,850 --> 01:16:32,981
Okay.
1279
01:16:33,025 --> 01:16:35,462
New plan. Use all of your
imaginary powers
1280
01:16:35,505 --> 01:16:38,247
to stop Cable
from killing that kid.
1281
01:16:38,291 --> 01:16:39,901
I'm coming up on your six.
1282
01:16:48,170 --> 01:16:50,216
That gun is amazing!
1283
01:16:59,355 --> 01:17:01,401
Hey!
Asshole!
1284
01:17:01,444 --> 01:17:03,055
Where is he?
I can't see him.
1285
01:17:03,098 --> 01:17:04,839
He's on top of you.
1286
01:17:04,883 --> 01:17:06,754
He's tearing you open!
1287
01:17:06,798 --> 01:17:08,713
He's going in
through the back!
1288
01:17:08,756 --> 01:17:09,888
Oh, God, he's inside!
1289
01:17:09,931 --> 01:17:11,237
You hear yourself, right?
1290
01:17:11,280 --> 01:17:12,736
Accidental double entendres!
1291
01:17:12,760 --> 01:17:15,284
Russell! Russell Collins!
1292
01:17:15,328 --> 01:17:17,243
Hands off that kid,
John Connor!
1293
01:17:22,248 --> 01:17:23,249
No, no, no!
1294
01:17:27,601 --> 01:17:28,689
Shit!
1295
01:17:50,668 --> 01:17:52,582
Two can play that game!
1296
01:17:54,715 --> 01:17:56,543
Got it! No, I don't.
1297
01:17:57,544 --> 01:17:58,588
Showtime, mama!
1298
01:17:58,632 --> 01:18:00,242
Lady Luck, take the wheel.
1299
01:18:38,063 --> 01:18:39,867
I'd ask who you are, but
you'll be dead in a second.
1300
01:18:39,891 --> 01:18:41,980
I'm Domino, and doubtful.
1301
01:18:58,561 --> 01:18:59,562
Hang in there, Doms!
1302
01:19:00,868 --> 01:19:02,565
Oh, this is really hard.
1303
01:19:14,839 --> 01:19:16,239
And give me back
my Skee-Ball token.
1304
01:19:19,757 --> 01:19:21,280
You're doing great.X-Force.
1305
01:19:23,238 --> 01:19:25,284
I guess dubstep never dies.
1306
01:19:29,549 --> 01:19:30,593
Whoo!
1307
01:19:37,600 --> 01:19:40,255
You killed Black Tom,
you racist son of a bitch!
1308
01:19:43,041 --> 01:19:44,172
That's unfortunate.
1309
01:19:47,306 --> 01:19:48,698
We got no brakes!
1310
01:19:48,742 --> 01:19:49,961
Figure it out!
1311
01:19:54,356 --> 01:19:55,880
There's nothing I can't kill.
1312
01:19:58,708 --> 01:20:01,233
Well, as Scoutmaster Kevin
used to say...
1313
01:20:01,276 --> 01:20:03,626
"There's a first time
for everything, son."
1314
01:20:05,324 --> 01:20:06,891
Give me your best shot,
One-Eyed Willy.
1315
01:20:21,775 --> 01:20:23,690
Those bullets were, like,
super fast.
1316
01:20:24,256 --> 01:20:25,257
Here we go.
1317
01:20:26,345 --> 01:20:28,608
Domino, mind slowing us down?
1318
01:20:28,651 --> 01:20:30,784
Here goes nothing.
1319
01:21:01,946 --> 01:21:03,686
Knock, knock.
1320
01:21:10,215 --> 01:21:11,259
That's my boy.
1321
01:21:17,657 --> 01:21:18,876
Holy...
1322
01:21:29,103 --> 01:21:30,757
I'll be first to admit...
1323
01:21:30,800 --> 01:21:33,151
this did not go
according to plan.
1324
01:21:34,500 --> 01:21:36,067
I'll also be the first
to admit that
1325
01:21:36,110 --> 01:21:37,982
that plan was
written in crayon.
1326
01:21:38,025 --> 01:21:41,289
Looks like Russell found
a new friend. Jelly.
1327
01:21:41,333 --> 01:21:42,943
Turns out Domino's
a bit of a badass,
1328
01:21:42,987 --> 01:21:45,903
and maybe,
possibly mildly lucky.
1329
01:21:45,946 --> 01:21:49,210
But Cable? Ugh.
That guy's in a mood.
1330
01:21:49,254 --> 01:21:50,472
A mood that is
1331
01:21:50,516 --> 01:21:52,300
about to get
significantly worse.
1332
01:22:16,063 --> 01:22:18,500
Something is so terribly,
terribly wrong.
1333
01:22:21,460 --> 01:22:22,940
Oh.
1334
01:22:24,724 --> 01:22:26,378
Oh, God, that hurt.
1335
01:22:26,421 --> 01:22:28,032
Suck it, Mel Gibson.
1336
01:22:31,600 --> 01:22:32,688
Russell.
1337
01:22:35,387 --> 01:22:36,475
Russell!
1338
01:22:37,084 --> 01:22:39,173
Russ, where are ya?
1339
01:22:42,829 --> 01:22:45,005
Russell. Russell, you're okay!
1340
01:22:45,049 --> 01:22:48,487
Oh, thank God.
Oh, my God!
1341
01:22:48,530 --> 01:22:49,879
Juggernaut!
1342
01:22:51,055 --> 01:22:53,100
I thought that was you!
1343
01:22:53,144 --> 01:22:55,973
I should've worn
my white pants.
1344
01:22:56,016 --> 01:22:59,846
You probably get this a lot,
but I am a huge fan.
1345
01:22:59,889 --> 01:23:03,197
Uncanny X-Men183. Thor411.
1346
01:23:03,241 --> 01:23:04,590
X-Men Unlimited12.
1347
01:23:04,633 --> 01:23:06,766
You know, it has always been
a dream of mine...
1348
01:23:06,809 --> 01:23:08,594
to see my face
reflected in your helmet...
1349
01:23:08,637 --> 01:23:10,857
as you charge at me
with murderous intent.
1350
01:23:10,900 --> 01:23:12,685
I don't mean right now.
1351
01:23:12,728 --> 01:23:14,643
I'm gonna rip you
in half now.
1352
01:23:14,687 --> 01:23:17,037
That is such
a Juggernaut thing to say.
1353
01:23:21,085 --> 01:23:25,132
Oh, my God!
I can't feel my legs.
1354
01:23:25,176 --> 01:23:26,264
I can't feel...
1355
01:23:27,221 --> 01:23:28,744
Oh, no, they're right here.
1356
01:23:29,571 --> 01:23:31,356
Got 'em.
God, Russell.
1357
01:23:31,399 --> 01:23:33,749
I have a mission.
1358
01:23:33,793 --> 01:23:35,360
To get my revenge.
1359
01:23:35,403 --> 01:23:37,710
I'm going to burn
that headmaster alive.
1360
01:23:37,753 --> 01:23:39,973
You're not the revenge type.
1361
01:23:40,017 --> 01:23:41,540
Take it from a friend.
1362
01:23:41,583 --> 01:23:45,413
Friend? You were sick,
and I protected you.
1363
01:23:45,457 --> 01:23:47,633
You said it yourself.
1364
01:23:47,676 --> 01:23:50,375
"I'm not your friend.
Find someone stronger."
1365
01:23:50,418 --> 01:23:51,854
So I did.
1366
01:23:53,378 --> 01:23:55,554
Russell, I couldn't
protect you back then.
1367
01:23:55,597 --> 01:23:59,601
But I can now. What do you
want me to say, huh?
1368
01:23:59,645 --> 01:24:01,516
"I care about you"?
'Cause goddamn it,
1369
01:24:01,560 --> 01:24:03,997
I care about you, Russell.
1370
01:24:04,041 --> 01:24:06,130
What's Juggernaut got
that I don't have?
1371
01:24:06,173 --> 01:24:09,872
Don't you say legs!
I know you're gonna say legs!
1372
01:24:09,916 --> 01:24:12,701
Legs! Still hurts to hear out loud!
1373
01:24:14,877 --> 01:24:17,837
What is that?
That's not a real rope!
1374
01:24:17,880 --> 01:24:20,187
You get back here, young man!
1375
01:24:21,145 --> 01:24:22,624
Doms!
1376
01:24:22,668 --> 01:24:24,887
Doms, get me
out of here, please.
1377
01:24:24,931 --> 01:24:27,325
Use my arms
as backpack straps.
1378
01:24:30,067 --> 01:24:31,155
I think we may have found
1379
01:24:31,198 --> 01:24:33,374
your cosmic reason
for being here.
1380
01:24:33,418 --> 01:24:35,202
I'm pretty sure
this isn't it.
1381
01:24:35,246 --> 01:24:36,508
X-Force.
1382
01:24:50,043 --> 01:24:51,871
No child is hopeless.
1383
01:24:51,914 --> 01:24:55,396
Don't give up on the boy.
How could he just walk away?
1384
01:24:55,440 --> 01:24:58,138
It was the coldness
in his eyes.
1385
01:24:58,182 --> 01:24:59,748
You should've heard it.
1386
01:25:01,663 --> 01:25:03,970
I guess family
really is an F-word.
1387
01:25:04,884 --> 01:25:07,104
Rub my legs, Mama.
1388
01:25:07,147 --> 01:25:08,540
Why would I
rub your legs?
1389
01:25:08,583 --> 01:25:11,499
Please, they hurt.
I have growing pains.
1390
01:25:14,633 --> 01:25:16,287
What in the...
1391
01:25:16,330 --> 01:25:19,072
Why is your hand
so tiny again?
1392
01:25:19,116 --> 01:25:20,943
That's not my hand.
1393
01:25:20,987 --> 01:25:23,337
Oh! Mary,
mother of Joseph!
1394
01:25:23,381 --> 01:25:25,296
That was nice for me.
1395
01:25:25,339 --> 01:25:28,168
Wade! I heard what happened
with the convoy and...
1396
01:25:32,607 --> 01:25:34,914
Why wouldn't you
cover that up?
1397
01:25:34,957 --> 01:25:37,177
A warrior has nothing
to be ashamed of.
1398
01:25:37,221 --> 01:25:39,179
Yeah, but you do.
Look at you.
1399
01:25:39,223 --> 01:25:41,225
You're just
straight shirt-cocking it,
1400
01:25:41,268 --> 01:25:42,748
toddler-style.
1401
01:25:42,791 --> 01:25:44,750
Oh, yeah.
Full Winnie the Pooh.
1402
01:25:44,793 --> 01:25:46,795
The hell's happening?
Describe it.
1403
01:25:46,839 --> 01:25:48,121
I wouldn't ask him to do that,
if I were you.
1404
01:25:48,145 --> 01:25:49,755
It's like, um... Here we go.
1405
01:25:49,798 --> 01:25:51,080
It's like he was
giving birth anally,
1406
01:25:51,104 --> 01:25:52,627
but they quit halfway through.
1407
01:25:52,671 --> 01:25:53,822
They got the legs out,
and they said,
1408
01:25:53,846 --> 01:25:55,195
"You know what, I'm done."
1409
01:25:55,239 --> 01:25:56,501
Happy?
1410
01:25:56,544 --> 01:25:57,652
It's like he's a Muppet
from the waist down.
1411
01:25:57,676 --> 01:25:58,851
But this time, you can see
1412
01:25:58,894 --> 01:26:00,331
the Muppet's dick.
1413
01:26:00,374 --> 01:26:01,897
Grover's got a cock
the size of a twig.
1414
01:26:01,941 --> 01:26:03,136
Mr. Weasel, I can
no longer be double-parked.
1415
01:26:03,160 --> 01:26:04,760
I've had three tickets
already.
1416
01:26:06,250 --> 01:26:09,035
No, no, no, DP,
not again!
1417
01:26:09,078 --> 01:26:11,690
This has happened before?
1418
01:26:11,733 --> 01:26:13,233
Jesus! Either vomit or don't.
1419
01:26:13,257 --> 01:26:14,562
The indecision is killing me.
1420
01:26:14,606 --> 01:26:16,477
Why couldn't God
take my hearing?
1421
01:26:18,087 --> 01:26:20,264
Oh. Wow!
1422
01:26:20,307 --> 01:26:22,004
Cool your pits.
They're growing back.
1423
01:26:22,048 --> 01:26:24,006
I'm talking about your face.
1424
01:26:24,050 --> 01:26:25,965
I've never seen you
without your mask before.
1425
01:26:26,008 --> 01:26:28,228
Jesus Christ! Looks like an avocado.
1426
01:26:28,272 --> 01:26:30,187
Your legs, though,
they're cute.
1427
01:26:30,230 --> 01:26:32,014
You wanna borrow
a pair of pants?
1428
01:26:33,581 --> 01:26:35,192
I'm glad everybody dropped by.
1429
01:26:35,235 --> 01:26:37,933
You must be wondering
why I didn't call you here.
1430
01:26:37,977 --> 01:26:39,587
I'll tell you why I'm here.
1431
01:26:39,631 --> 01:26:41,981
"The Time Traveler's Wife's"
husband...
1432
01:26:42,024 --> 01:26:43,263
beat me within
an inch of my life.
1433
01:26:43,287 --> 01:26:44,636
He was torturing me!
1434
01:26:44,679 --> 01:26:47,552
But all I told him was
everything he wanted to know.
1435
01:26:47,595 --> 01:26:50,250
So, I'm here
to help us gear up.
1436
01:26:50,294 --> 01:26:51,445
So we can go after him
without me.
1437
01:26:51,469 --> 01:26:52,861
No!
1438
01:26:52,905 --> 01:26:54,254
I'm doing this alone.
1439
01:26:54,298 --> 01:26:55,429
The Juggernaut
1440
01:26:55,473 --> 01:26:56,909
will kill you all. Fair enough.
1441
01:26:56,952 --> 01:26:58,843
I just need a couple of
hours to get some legs
1442
01:26:58,867 --> 01:26:59,999
under me. What will you do?
1443
01:27:00,042 --> 01:27:01,368
I don't care
what the kid did to me.
1444
01:27:01,392 --> 01:27:02,741
I ain't letting Cable
get to him,
1445
01:27:02,784 --> 01:27:04,153
even if I have to
teabag him to death.
1446
01:27:04,177 --> 01:27:06,223
It's really just a sip of tea
at this point.
1447
01:27:06,266 --> 01:27:08,050
Zip it, black Black Widow!
I'm flowing.
1448
01:27:08,094 --> 01:27:09,158
The first order
of business is
1449
01:27:09,182 --> 01:27:10,575
to get me in front of Cable...
1450
01:27:10,618 --> 01:27:12,030
so I can pull all the fucking
blood out of his body...
1451
01:27:12,054 --> 01:27:14,405
and fashion his bones
into holiday jewelry.
1452
01:27:14,448 --> 01:27:16,276
Then,
I'm gonna take his skin...
1453
01:27:16,320 --> 01:27:19,366
and stretch it out
over a homemade mating drum.
1454
01:27:20,976 --> 01:27:22,576
He's standing right
behind you, isn't he?
1455
01:27:31,248 --> 01:27:33,250
What in the ass?
1456
01:27:33,293 --> 01:27:36,601
Is this apartment listed
on Tinder? Grindr?
1457
01:27:36,644 --> 01:27:39,691
You picked the wrong shithole
to fuck, future boy.
1458
01:27:39,734 --> 01:27:42,259
Ugh. Is that really necessary?
1459
01:27:44,522 --> 01:27:47,307
No. It's his
"Basic Instinct."
1460
01:27:47,351 --> 01:27:49,091
What can we help you with?
1461
01:27:49,135 --> 01:27:50,789
I'm here to proposition you.
1462
01:27:52,312 --> 01:27:53,400
Oh, boy!
1463
01:27:53,444 --> 01:27:54,508
He's really teeing it up,
isn't he?
1464
01:27:54,532 --> 01:27:56,664
Who gets to make
the first joke?
1465
01:27:56,708 --> 01:27:58,076
I think we should all do it
at the same time.
1466
01:27:58,100 --> 01:27:59,145
Good call.
1467
01:27:59,188 --> 01:28:00,755
For $45, you get sucky-suck.
1468
01:28:00,799 --> 01:28:02,037
I only do over
the pants, mouth stuff.
1469
01:28:02,061 --> 01:28:03,192
Fuck!
1470
01:28:03,236 --> 01:28:04,344
The Proposition
has a wonderful
1471
01:28:04,368 --> 01:28:05,673
Guy Pearce performance.
1472
01:28:05,717 --> 01:28:07,477
Wait, wait, wait!
I wanna do mine over.
1473
01:28:07,501 --> 01:28:10,112
Give us the line again. I need your help!
1474
01:28:10,156 --> 01:28:12,463
Trust me, I'm even less happy
about this than you are...
1475
01:28:12,506 --> 01:28:15,640
but you unleashed
the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt!
1476
01:28:15,683 --> 01:28:18,077
I can't bring him down alone.
1477
01:28:18,120 --> 01:28:19,644
So here we are.
1478
01:28:20,993 --> 01:28:22,777
We're no longer
accepting applications
1479
01:28:22,821 --> 01:28:24,257
for X-Force, unfortunately.
1480
01:28:24,301 --> 01:28:25,737
Even if we were...
1481
01:28:25,780 --> 01:28:27,454
there's a wind advisory
in effect until at least...
1482
01:28:27,478 --> 01:28:28,740
We don't have a lot of time.
1483
01:28:28,783 --> 01:28:30,524
Your friend's about
to make his first kill.
1484
01:28:30,568 --> 01:28:32,091
No offense,
but if you know so much...
1485
01:28:32,134 --> 01:28:35,007
why not travel back to when
he was a baby, kill him then?
1486
01:28:35,050 --> 01:28:36,114
Or better yet, head back
a little further,
1487
01:28:36,138 --> 01:28:37,226
kill baby Hitler.
1488
01:28:37,270 --> 01:28:39,228
I use a device
to slide through time.
1489
01:28:39,272 --> 01:28:41,927
The longer I travel,
the harder it is to control.
1490
01:28:41,970 --> 01:28:44,582
I got two charges:
one to get me here,
1491
01:28:44,625 --> 01:28:45,800
one to get me home.
1492
01:28:45,844 --> 01:28:47,019
Well.
1493
01:28:47,062 --> 01:28:48,977
That's just lazy writing.
1494
01:28:49,021 --> 01:28:50,303
Your boy's
gonna kill the headmaster
1495
01:28:50,327 --> 01:28:51,893
of the orphanage tonight.
1496
01:28:51,937 --> 01:28:54,069
After that,
he gets a real taste for it.
1497
01:28:54,113 --> 01:28:56,855
Like 10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker!
1498
01:28:56,898 --> 01:28:58,900
So he keeps killing...
1499
01:28:58,944 --> 01:29:00,424
and killing, and killing,
1500
01:29:00,467 --> 01:29:01,990
and killing.
1501
01:29:02,034 --> 01:29:05,254
Until one day, he kills
the wrong fucking people.
1502
01:29:07,822 --> 01:29:09,215
My people.
1503
01:29:13,132 --> 01:29:14,394
Relax.
1504
01:29:14,438 --> 01:29:16,831
I'm retrieving something
from my utility bag.
1505
01:29:16,875 --> 01:29:19,443
It's a goddamn fanny pack...
1506
01:29:19,486 --> 01:29:22,097
and you know it,
you sick son of a bitch!
1507
01:29:22,141 --> 01:29:23,795
The difference
is night and day.
1508
01:29:25,623 --> 01:29:27,886
You remind me of my wife.
1509
01:29:27,929 --> 01:29:29,409
I'm sorry.
1510
01:29:29,453 --> 01:29:30,560
I said, "You remind me
of my wife."
1511
01:29:30,584 --> 01:29:31,944
No, I'm sorry
that you said that...
1512
01:29:31,977 --> 01:29:34,762
while making heavy eye contact
and applying lip balm.
1513
01:29:34,806 --> 01:29:35,981
She always struggled.
1514
01:29:37,112 --> 01:29:38,549
But she was funny...
1515
01:29:38,592 --> 01:29:41,943
and filtered her pain
through the prism of humor.
1516
01:29:41,987 --> 01:29:44,206
Something I could
never master.
1517
01:29:45,120 --> 01:29:47,340
It was my fault she died.
1518
01:29:48,950 --> 01:29:52,606
It was my job
to stop people like him.
1519
01:29:52,650 --> 01:29:54,608
I came close a few times.
1520
01:29:58,830 --> 01:30:00,484
He wasn't too happy
about that.
1521
01:30:02,224 --> 01:30:03,400
He was trying to hurt me...
1522
01:30:03,443 --> 01:30:05,402
and he knew exactly
how to do it.
1523
01:30:09,449 --> 01:30:11,146
Blessed are the wicked
1524
01:30:11,190 --> 01:30:12,757
who are healed by my hand.
1525
01:30:15,890 --> 01:30:18,240
He came into my home...
1526
01:30:18,284 --> 01:30:21,156
and took the only thing
that made it a home.
1527
01:30:25,378 --> 01:30:26,727
Sound familiar?
1528
01:30:27,772 --> 01:30:29,426
I'm sorry.Uh-huh.
1529
01:30:29,469 --> 01:30:31,123
No, I'm really sorry.
1530
01:30:33,342 --> 01:30:35,475
But that isn't Russell.
1531
01:30:35,519 --> 01:30:37,453
It doesn't have to be him.
If you knew what I knew...
1532
01:30:37,477 --> 01:30:39,479
Yeah, he's got anger issues...
1533
01:30:39,523 --> 01:30:41,089
maybe a small
learning disability...
1534
01:30:41,133 --> 01:30:42,526
splash of diabetes...
1535
01:30:42,569 --> 01:30:43,918
but nothing
that can't be fixed.
1536
01:30:43,962 --> 01:30:45,616
If you could go back...
1537
01:30:45,659 --> 01:30:48,357
and stop the people that took
your girl, would you?
1538
01:30:48,619 --> 01:30:49,881
No.
1539
01:30:49,924 --> 01:30:51,665
I'd buy them all
a bouquet of hand jobs.
1540
01:30:51,709 --> 01:30:53,450
Of course I fucking would!
1541
01:30:54,233 --> 01:30:55,364
But I wouldn't kill a kid.
1542
01:30:55,408 --> 01:30:57,454
I'm not asking you
to kill a kid!
1543
01:30:57,497 --> 01:30:59,064
I'll kill the kid.
1544
01:30:59,107 --> 01:31:02,589
I'm asking you to save
hundreds of other kids.
1545
01:31:02,633 --> 01:31:04,983
Russell's gonna burn down
that orphanage.
1546
01:31:05,026 --> 01:31:07,072
And I can imagine
your dead girlfriend...
1547
01:31:07,115 --> 01:31:09,378
would want you to do
the right thing, wouldn't she?
1548
01:31:10,379 --> 01:31:13,557
So, what's it gonna be,
handsome?
1549
01:31:13,600 --> 01:31:15,341
Give me a chance to save him.
1550
01:31:15,384 --> 01:31:16,821
What? You said...
1551
01:31:16,864 --> 01:31:18,538
once he kills someone,
he gets a taste for it.
1552
01:31:18,562 --> 01:31:20,912
If we can get to him
before that happens...
1553
01:31:20,955 --> 01:31:22,609
promise you'll give me
a chance
1554
01:31:22,653 --> 01:31:24,524
to put him
on a different path.
1555
01:31:24,568 --> 01:31:25,743
Define "chance."
1556
01:31:25,786 --> 01:31:27,024
I don't know.
How long does it take
1557
01:31:27,048 --> 01:31:28,417
to save someone's soul?
That's not...
1558
01:31:28,441 --> 01:31:29,703
I'll give you 30 seconds.
1559
01:31:29,747 --> 01:31:31,792
What? No! Best I can do.
1560
01:31:31,836 --> 01:31:33,141
Take it or leave it.
1561
01:31:43,587 --> 01:31:45,066
He's doing it!
1562
01:31:45,110 --> 01:31:46,720
Look at the little fella.
He's doing it.
1563
01:31:46,764 --> 01:31:48,722
There he goes.
1564
01:31:48,766 --> 01:31:50,245
Jesus Christ!
1565
01:31:50,289 --> 01:31:51,769
Just shirt-cocking it.
1566
01:31:51,812 --> 01:31:53,727
Ugh.
1567
01:31:53,771 --> 01:31:55,131
There you go, little fella.
1568
01:31:55,860 --> 01:31:57,557
Go on, you're doing it!
1569
01:31:57,601 --> 01:32:00,473
My beautiful, hairless,
Twizzler-legged baby boy.
1570
01:32:02,649 --> 01:32:03,781
Christ!
1571
01:32:03,824 --> 01:32:05,522
That's disturbing.
1572
01:32:05,565 --> 01:32:06,958
30 seconds.
1573
01:32:12,354 --> 01:32:13,834
Deal.Deal.
1574
01:32:20,275 --> 01:32:23,365
Man, that sucks they didn't
have anything in your size.
1575
01:32:23,409 --> 01:32:25,411
I really wanted to match,
you know?
1576
01:32:25,454 --> 01:32:27,500
Being a menacing team.
1577
01:32:27,544 --> 01:32:28,719
Oh, man, it sucks.
1578
01:32:28,762 --> 01:32:30,634
That was some
cold-ass shit, kid.
1579
01:32:32,026 --> 01:32:34,594
And that is just
the first five steps
1580
01:32:34,638 --> 01:32:36,335
to a prostate-assisted orgasm.
1581
01:32:37,249 --> 01:32:38,685
Where the hell
are we going?
1582
01:32:38,729 --> 01:32:40,078
You said it yourself.
1583
01:32:40,121 --> 01:32:43,037
Nothing can stop the
Juggernaut. We need backup.
1584
01:32:43,081 --> 01:32:46,040
I will bathe in the blood
of your enemies.
1585
01:32:50,175 --> 01:32:51,785
Can you turn off the music?
1586
01:32:52,786 --> 01:32:54,919
You'll do no such thing.
1587
01:32:54,962 --> 01:32:56,834
Why don't you just say it
in an Indian accent?
1588
01:32:56,877 --> 01:32:58,618
I'm sorry? Apology accepted.
1589
01:32:58,662 --> 01:33:00,751
This is a side of you
I do not like.
1590
01:33:00,794 --> 01:33:02,143
Let me guess,
1591
01:33:02,187 --> 01:33:03,686
some of your best friends
in the future are Indian.
1592
01:33:03,710 --> 01:33:04,972
What the hell are you...?
1593
01:33:05,016 --> 01:33:06,887
Once again, intolerance rears
its ugly head.
1594
01:33:06,931 --> 01:33:08,236
I am so sorry.
It gets better.
1595
01:33:08,280 --> 01:33:09,847
I'm not a fucking racist,
moron!
1596
01:33:09,890 --> 01:33:11,936
That's precisely
what a racist would say.
1597
01:33:11,979 --> 01:33:13,633
I'm with the old white guy
on this one.
1598
01:33:13,677 --> 01:33:14,939
And that's a twist.
1599
01:33:14,982 --> 01:33:16,505
When this is over...
1600
01:33:16,549 --> 01:33:18,440
I'm going to fuck you to death
with your own broken feet.
1601
01:33:18,464 --> 01:33:20,640
And a sexual predator, too.
That's rich.
1602
01:33:20,684 --> 01:33:22,076
I should have
finished college.
1603
01:33:22,120 --> 01:33:23,271
So what exactly do you
1604
01:33:23,295 --> 01:33:24,359
do in the future, anyway, huh?
1605
01:33:24,383 --> 01:33:25,645
Some kind of soldier?
1606
01:33:25,689 --> 01:33:27,516
Yeah, something like that.
1607
01:33:27,560 --> 01:33:29,736
I was a soldier.
Special Forces.
1608
01:33:29,780 --> 01:33:32,478
I bet 50 years from now,
we're bestest buddies.
1609
01:33:32,521 --> 01:33:34,523
50 years from now,
you're very dead.
1610
01:33:34,567 --> 01:33:36,961
Your entire generation fucked
this planet into a coma.
1611
01:33:37,004 --> 01:33:38,615
Boom!
1612
01:33:38,658 --> 01:33:39,920
Spoiler alert.
1613
01:33:41,139 --> 01:33:42,488
Planets.
1614
01:33:42,531 --> 01:33:44,098
Next time, Uber.
1615
01:33:44,142 --> 01:33:45,447
Here's a spoiler alert.
1616
01:33:46,623 --> 01:33:48,581
You're not a fucking hero.
1617
01:33:48,625 --> 01:33:52,672
You're just an annoying clown
dressed up as a sex toy.
1618
01:33:52,716 --> 01:33:53,910
Well, I got news for you.
1619
01:33:53,934 --> 01:33:55,283
My heart
is in the right place.
1620
01:33:55,327 --> 01:33:56,850
Russell's not
gonna kill anyone.
1621
01:33:56,894 --> 01:33:58,872
Because of me, he's gonna know
what real love looks like.
1622
01:33:58,896 --> 01:33:59,984
We're all going to die.
1623
01:34:00,027 --> 01:34:01,289
Because of you,
I'll always know
1624
01:34:01,333 --> 01:34:03,291
what a grown man
with baby balls looks like.
1625
01:34:03,335 --> 01:34:05,729
I'm a grower, not a shower.
1626
01:34:05,772 --> 01:34:06,947
God, I wish this were a bus
1627
01:34:06,991 --> 01:34:08,185
where I could pull
the string and get out.
1628
01:34:08,209 --> 01:34:09,863
It's a good thing
Cable's not driving,
1629
01:34:09,907 --> 01:34:11,125
or you'd be in the back.
1630
01:34:11,169 --> 01:34:13,519
- I am in the back.
- Right here!
1631
01:34:31,668 --> 01:34:33,713
I made mistakes!
1632
01:34:33,757 --> 01:34:35,454
I wanna take them back!
1633
01:34:35,497 --> 01:34:38,457
You trusted me.
I took that trust...
1634
01:34:38,500 --> 01:34:39,937
and turned it
into a glory hole
1635
01:34:39,980 --> 01:34:41,547
in an airport bathroom.
1636
01:34:41,590 --> 01:34:44,855
The one in Minneapolis.
You know the one.
1637
01:34:44,898 --> 01:34:47,509
But even you know I'm not
a complete piece of shit.
1638
01:34:47,553 --> 01:34:49,076
I was once an X-Man.
1639
01:34:49,120 --> 01:34:50,164
Trainee!
1640
01:34:54,821 --> 01:34:57,389
You're still using
my Velcro labels. Aw.
1641
01:34:57,432 --> 01:34:59,043
They do stick better
than tape.
1642
01:34:59,086 --> 01:35:00,131
Hi, Wade!
1643
01:35:00,174 --> 01:35:01,610
Please don't.
1644
01:35:01,654 --> 01:35:04,048
Say whatever it is you're here
to say. Make it quick.
1645
01:35:04,091 --> 01:35:05,353
Right. Quick.
1646
01:35:05,397 --> 01:35:07,114
It's the kid.
Just like you, I let him down.
1647
01:35:07,138 --> 01:35:08,574
And just like me,
1648
01:35:08,617 --> 01:35:09,769
he's never had anyone
sacrifice anything for him...
1649
01:35:09,793 --> 01:35:10,813
because the whole world
wrote him off
1650
01:35:10,837 --> 01:35:12,273
as a piece of shit
a long time ago.
1651
01:35:12,317 --> 01:35:14,014
Look, he's teamed up
with the Juggernaut!
1652
01:35:14,058 --> 01:35:15,581
The Juggernaut!
1653
01:35:15,624 --> 01:35:17,385
Who's, like, my favorite
Marvel character ever...
1654
01:35:17,409 --> 01:35:19,628
And hi, Yukio! That was really
nice of you to say hi...
1655
01:35:19,672 --> 01:35:21,021
so I'm saying hi back.
1656
01:35:21,065 --> 01:35:22,457
You guys make
a super cute couple.
1657
01:35:22,501 --> 01:35:24,198
Yeah. Where was I?
1658
01:35:24,242 --> 01:35:26,113
Oh, yeah. You should never
meet your heroes...
1659
01:35:26,157 --> 01:35:27,854
because, honestly,
he's a bit of a dick!
1660
01:35:27,898 --> 01:35:29,738
And like a lot of dicks,
he's hard as a rock...
1661
01:35:29,769 --> 01:35:31,162
and causes nothing
but problems!
1662
01:35:31,205 --> 01:35:34,078
Look, you can stop the
Juggernaut. I know you can.
1663
01:35:34,121 --> 01:35:37,342
Do you know what would happen
to me if I helped you?
1664
01:35:37,385 --> 01:35:39,474
I would be disgraced.
1665
01:35:39,518 --> 01:35:41,563
You are a criminal,
a fugitive.
1666
01:35:41,607 --> 01:35:43,130
But worst of all...
1667
01:35:43,174 --> 01:35:44,915
you broke my heart, Wade.
1668
01:35:46,612 --> 01:35:47,831
Then you know what?
1669
01:35:47,874 --> 01:35:49,474
Your heart's in
the wrong place, big guy.
1670
01:35:50,529 --> 01:35:53,227
Doing the right thing
is sometimes messy...
1671
01:35:53,271 --> 01:35:56,665
and fucked up, and not
particularly convenient!
1672
01:35:56,709 --> 01:35:59,799
So stay here
in Chateau de Virgin...
1673
01:35:59,843 --> 01:36:01,975
while we go get our fuck on!
1674
01:36:05,152 --> 01:36:06,545
You're doing great.
1675
01:36:12,203 --> 01:36:13,746
So you wear
that helmet because
1676
01:36:13,770 --> 01:36:15,510
your brother
tries to read your mind?
1677
01:36:15,554 --> 01:36:18,818
Yeah, but he's in
a wheelchair, so even-steven.
1678
01:36:18,862 --> 01:36:21,342
Someone's coming.
It's Russell, sir.
1679
01:36:21,386 --> 01:36:23,344
And he's not alone.
1680
01:36:23,388 --> 01:36:25,042
Secure the children.
1681
01:36:27,479 --> 01:36:30,221
They will not replace us.
1682
01:36:30,264 --> 01:36:33,050
What do you say
we go fuck some shit up?
1683
01:36:33,093 --> 01:36:36,923
"Let's fuck some shit up"
is my legal middle name.
1684
01:36:40,274 --> 01:36:42,886
Watch my back.
I've got the old man.
1685
01:36:42,929 --> 01:36:44,496
Amen, brother.
1686
01:36:51,024 --> 01:36:52,678
Time to make the chimichangas.
1687
01:36:52,721 --> 01:36:54,898
30 seconds.
1688
01:36:54,941 --> 01:36:57,465
I finally know why I'm here.
1689
01:36:57,509 --> 01:36:59,467
I was raised in this place.
1690
01:36:59,511 --> 01:37:01,774
Well, not raised.
I was tortured.
1691
01:37:01,818 --> 01:37:04,690
Wow! It's your cosmic reason
for being here.
1692
01:37:04,733 --> 01:37:06,039
Shall we? This is gonna be fun.
1693
01:37:06,083 --> 01:37:07,171
Yeah!
1694
01:37:07,214 --> 01:37:08,607
Hey! Been meaning
to ask you...
1695
01:37:08,650 --> 01:37:11,915
what's with the dirty,
disgusting hobo bear?
1696
01:37:11,958 --> 01:37:15,135
It's not dirt. It's the blood
of my dead daughter.
1697
01:37:15,179 --> 01:37:17,877
Are You Bear, God?
It's Me, Margaret.
1698
01:37:17,921 --> 01:37:19,357
Give me some.
1699
01:37:19,400 --> 01:37:20,967
They say
laughter heals anything...
1700
01:37:21,011 --> 01:37:22,142
except, of course, that.
1701
01:37:22,186 --> 01:37:23,404
We should just cue the music.
1702
01:37:48,560 --> 01:37:51,258
Welcome home, Russell.
We missed you.
1703
01:37:52,477 --> 01:37:53,521
Russell!
1704
01:37:53,565 --> 01:37:56,960
You don't need to do this!
Let's talk!
1705
01:37:57,003 --> 01:37:58,523
Why are you dressed
like the Unabomber?
1706
01:38:02,661 --> 01:38:03,923
That's why!
1707
01:38:03,967 --> 01:38:05,292
Told you this little fucker's
too far gone.
1708
01:38:05,316 --> 01:38:07,033
Zip it, Thanos!
We have a deal and you fuck...
1709
01:38:07,057 --> 01:38:09,537
Hey!
1710
01:38:09,581 --> 01:38:12,714
I'm gonna shove that
cab driver right up your ass.
1711
01:38:13,846 --> 01:38:16,022
My body and my hands
are so soft.
1712
01:38:16,066 --> 01:38:17,304
You should probably
head back to the car.
1713
01:38:17,328 --> 01:38:19,025
I think I'll head
back to the car.
1714
01:38:20,200 --> 01:38:22,899
It works best
when you pull the trigger.
1715
01:38:25,814 --> 01:38:27,077
That gun is amazing!
1716
01:38:28,426 --> 01:38:29,644
Say it!
1717
01:38:31,820 --> 01:38:34,867
You are an abomination!
1718
01:38:42,135 --> 01:38:45,443
Now, I'm gonna shove
the red guy up the old guy.
1719
01:38:45,486 --> 01:38:47,924
I believe him!
Every man for themselves!
1720
01:38:52,276 --> 01:38:53,364
Gotcha!
1721
01:38:54,147 --> 01:38:55,322
Beat it, midget!
1722
01:38:58,325 --> 01:39:01,415
Hey, big guy,
the sun's getting real low!
1723
01:39:01,459 --> 01:39:02,547
Oh, shit fuck!
1724
01:39:16,430 --> 01:39:17,997
Come here, beautiful.
1725
01:39:25,787 --> 01:39:26,919
Whoo!
1726
01:39:36,102 --> 01:39:37,190
Say it!
1727
01:41:00,665 --> 01:41:01,796
You came for me.
1728
01:41:01,840 --> 01:41:03,276
I'm not giving up on you,
1729
01:41:03,320 --> 01:41:05,452
and you are not
giving up on that boy.
1730
01:41:05,496 --> 01:41:07,541
Who says that rules
aren't meant to be broken?
1731
01:41:07,585 --> 01:41:09,978
It's time to fight dirty.
1732
01:41:10,022 --> 01:41:11,371
Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.
1733
01:41:11,415 --> 01:41:14,200
Hey! Pick on someone
your own size!
1734
01:41:14,244 --> 01:41:16,333
That's such
a you thing to say!
1735
01:41:16,376 --> 01:41:18,335
Go get him, tiger!
1736
01:41:18,378 --> 01:41:20,250
Big CGI fight coming up!
1737
01:41:43,316 --> 01:41:44,709
He's doing great.
1738
01:41:44,752 --> 01:41:45,971
Say it!
1739
01:41:50,149 --> 01:41:51,542
- Russell.
- Bingo!
1740
01:41:56,938 --> 01:41:58,940
You see that bus?
1741
01:41:58,984 --> 01:42:00,184
I'm gonna
shove it up your ass.
1742
01:42:03,554 --> 01:42:05,512
That's right!
I'm fighting dirty!
1743
01:42:06,426 --> 01:42:07,471
Oh, great!
1744
01:42:07,514 --> 01:42:08,926
There they are!
Those freaks!
1745
01:42:08,950 --> 01:42:11,059
A bunch of armed
pedophiles in nursing shoes.
1746
01:42:11,083 --> 01:42:13,216
Can I have
one of those guns?
1747
01:42:13,259 --> 01:42:15,087
No.That's fine.
1748
01:42:15,131 --> 01:42:17,089
Get off this property,
mutant scum!
1749
01:42:17,133 --> 01:42:18,293
I'm just gonna
use this brick.
1750
01:42:18,873 --> 01:42:19,961
Maximum effort.
1751
01:42:26,011 --> 01:42:27,752
Who says you
can't go home again?
1752
01:42:36,848 --> 01:42:38,241
Oh!
1753
01:42:44,899 --> 01:42:45,900
Yeah!
1754
01:42:48,120 --> 01:42:49,774
Say it.
1755
01:42:49,817 --> 01:42:52,864
Say what you said
every time you tortured me!
1756
01:42:53,386 --> 01:42:54,735
Say it!
1757
01:42:54,779 --> 01:42:57,477
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand!
1758
01:42:58,696 --> 01:43:00,828
Blessed are the wicked...
1759
01:43:00,872 --> 01:43:02,090
who are healed...
1760
01:43:02,569 --> 01:43:04,092
by my hand.
1761
01:43:22,154 --> 01:43:23,851
You commie motherfucker!
1762
01:43:50,922 --> 01:43:53,446
Oh, my God.
Did you feel that, too?
1763
01:43:53,490 --> 01:43:55,709
Only best buddies
execute pedophiles together.
1764
01:43:58,582 --> 01:44:00,932
You got 30 seconds,
you jabbering butt plug!
1765
01:44:00,975 --> 01:44:02,194
Now we're getting it.
1766
01:44:06,894 --> 01:44:09,157
I need a bus
to get you all out of here.
1767
01:44:14,424 --> 01:44:15,468
Orphans.
1768
01:44:16,643 --> 01:44:17,862
Oh, geez.
1769
01:44:19,298 --> 01:44:21,996
It's time to burn
for what you've done!
1770
01:44:22,040 --> 01:44:24,521
A child should not be burdened
with such power!
1771
01:44:33,356 --> 01:44:34,400
Russell! Wait!
1772
01:44:40,406 --> 01:44:41,712
Oh!
1773
01:44:48,936 --> 01:44:51,069
Wait! He hasn't killed
anyone yet!
1774
01:44:51,112 --> 01:44:53,134
What more do you need to see?
Don't you fucking dare!
1775
01:44:53,158 --> 01:44:54,333
He's just a kid!
1776
01:44:54,377 --> 01:44:56,292
Tick, tock. Meter's running!
1777
01:45:09,000 --> 01:45:12,046
I'm gonna melt you down
and make a cock ring.
1778
01:45:32,415 --> 01:45:35,069
I told you! Leave me alone! Come on!
1779
01:45:35,592 --> 01:45:36,723
Listen to me!
1780
01:45:59,964 --> 01:46:01,618
That's how we do it
1781
01:46:01,661 --> 01:46:03,141
in Mother Russia.
1782
01:46:05,361 --> 01:46:07,885
They say millennials are
the hardest to reach.
1783
01:46:09,277 --> 01:46:12,498
Oh, no.
You're doing amazing.
1784
01:46:13,804 --> 01:46:16,676
Damn, it feels good
to be a gangsta!
1785
01:46:16,720 --> 01:46:18,548
Go home, Wade!
1786
01:46:18,591 --> 01:46:20,419
You're ruining everything!
1787
01:46:25,772 --> 01:46:27,121
I'm getting good at this shit.
1788
01:46:27,165 --> 01:46:28,471
Go, go, go!
1789
01:46:31,691 --> 01:46:33,650
He dies tonight, Wade.
1790
01:46:33,693 --> 01:46:36,174
You can't stop me!
1791
01:46:36,217 --> 01:46:38,089
He even runs
like a fucking pervert.
1792
01:46:38,132 --> 01:46:40,874
Like an online predator
who lost his laptop.
1793
01:46:42,310 --> 01:46:43,790
There's one bullet left
in that gun.
1794
01:46:43,834 --> 01:46:45,836
Wait, wait, wait!
Please, just give me a second!
1795
01:46:45,879 --> 01:46:47,359
I got this.
1796
01:46:47,403 --> 01:46:49,622
Russell! Stay back! Go home, Wade!
1797
01:46:49,666 --> 01:46:52,364
Let's talk. It doesn't
have to go this way!
1798
01:46:52,408 --> 01:46:54,061
That piece of shit...
1799
01:46:54,105 --> 01:46:55,846
he deserves to die
for what he did to you.
1800
01:46:55,889 --> 01:46:59,284
He hurt you badly.
Makes you wanna hurt others.
1801
01:47:00,154 --> 01:47:01,939
But if you kill him, he wins.
1802
01:47:01,982 --> 01:47:05,856
You become everything
he says you are, but worse.
1803
01:47:05,899 --> 01:47:07,901
You're just a kid.
1804
01:47:07,945 --> 01:47:09,686
You don't wanna hurt anyone.
1805
01:47:09,729 --> 01:47:10,991
How do you know what I want?
1806
01:47:11,035 --> 01:47:12,645
Because I've been inside you.
1807
01:47:13,341 --> 01:47:15,213
That came out wrong.
1808
01:47:15,256 --> 01:47:16,954
I've been inside your shoes.
1809
01:47:16,997 --> 01:47:18,869
Which is also off-putting.
1810
01:47:18,912 --> 01:47:20,392
It's not a great analogy.
1811
01:47:20,436 --> 01:47:22,263
The point is...
1812
01:47:22,307 --> 01:47:24,004
there are people...
1813
01:47:24,048 --> 01:47:27,094
There are people
in this fucking world...
1814
01:47:27,138 --> 01:47:29,836
besides him,
who will treat you right.
1815
01:47:29,880 --> 01:47:32,491
It isn't too late.
Don't do it.
1816
01:47:38,062 --> 01:47:40,456
I never should've left
you there.
1817
01:47:42,196 --> 01:47:44,068
I never should've left you
in that prison.
1818
01:47:51,162 --> 01:47:52,468
I can't trust you.
1819
01:47:54,165 --> 01:47:56,515
I can't trust anybody!
1820
01:48:05,742 --> 01:48:07,004
Wonderful kid.
1821
01:48:07,047 --> 01:48:08,832
You can't stop me, Wade!
1822
01:48:11,051 --> 01:48:13,314
I got one more idea.
1823
01:48:13,358 --> 01:48:16,274
It's just a really bad one,
even for me.
1824
01:48:16,317 --> 01:48:17,580
Wade, what are you doing?
1825
01:48:17,623 --> 01:48:19,930
All right. This is for
all the marbles, kid!
1826
01:48:19,973 --> 01:48:22,062
You're gonna kill
someone today...
1827
01:48:22,106 --> 01:48:23,542
Blessed are the wicked...
1828
01:48:23,586 --> 01:48:25,501
...then it's gotta be me.
1829
01:48:26,589 --> 01:48:28,504
...who are healed by my hand!
1830
01:48:31,594 --> 01:48:34,031
Fuck this!
1831
01:49:34,744 --> 01:49:37,703
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
1832
01:49:42,708 --> 01:49:44,231
Oh, that's not good.
1833
01:49:45,798 --> 01:49:47,234
No, sir.
1834
01:49:54,851 --> 01:49:57,767
You sacrificed yourself
for me.
1835
01:49:58,202 --> 01:49:59,377
Yeah.
1836
01:49:59,420 --> 01:50:01,640
And it was the best thing
I ever did.
1837
01:50:03,599 --> 01:50:05,688
I told you
I care about you.
1838
01:50:05,731 --> 01:50:07,515
You're a good kid, Russell.
1839
01:50:09,213 --> 01:50:10,301
Hey.
1840
01:50:11,607 --> 01:50:12,825
The bear.
1841
01:50:12,869 --> 01:50:14,261
It worked.
1842
01:50:21,225 --> 01:50:22,835
Because of you.
1843
01:50:22,879 --> 01:50:25,185
No, Wade, because of you.
1844
01:50:26,056 --> 01:50:28,145
Stop, stop, stop!
1845
01:50:28,188 --> 01:50:29,363
Stop!
1846
01:50:30,538 --> 01:50:33,498
Just let it happen, okay?
1847
01:50:33,541 --> 01:50:37,241
I guess my heart was finally
in the right place.
1848
01:50:37,284 --> 01:50:39,678
That riddle
is so fucked up.
1849
01:50:44,509 --> 01:50:46,903
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
1850
01:50:46,946 --> 01:50:48,295
Don't be. Don't be.
1851
01:50:48,339 --> 01:50:50,558
I've been trying to make
this happen for a while.
1852
01:50:50,602 --> 01:50:52,256
Please, just don't leave me.
1853
01:50:52,299 --> 01:50:53,910
I don't wanna die
without an audience.
1854
01:50:53,953 --> 01:50:55,607
We are not going anywhere.
1855
01:50:55,651 --> 01:50:57,740
Oh, God, I hope
the Academy is watching.
1856
01:50:57,783 --> 01:50:58,915
Just rest, okay?
1857
01:51:00,743 --> 01:51:01,831
Papa.
1858
01:51:04,050 --> 01:51:06,009
♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪
1859
01:51:08,272 --> 01:51:14,278
♪ Papa, can you find me
in the night? ♪
1860
01:51:35,560 --> 01:51:37,301
Before I go...
1861
01:51:37,344 --> 01:51:39,042
Sorry, I got a bit more in me.
1862
01:51:39,651 --> 01:51:41,000
Domino.
1863
01:51:41,044 --> 01:51:45,483
I want you to have
my Adventure Timewatch.
1864
01:51:48,007 --> 01:51:50,880
Turns out
that I'm the lucky one.
1865
01:51:51,663 --> 01:51:52,751
Thank you.
1866
01:51:54,100 --> 01:51:57,364
Hey, Sabrina,
the Teenage Witch.
1867
01:51:57,408 --> 01:51:59,715
I liked you better
with your hair short.
1868
01:51:59,758 --> 01:52:00,890
Think everyone did.
1869
01:52:01,717 --> 01:52:04,458
Hi, Yukio. Hi, Wade!
1870
01:52:06,460 --> 01:52:07,548
And you...
1871
01:52:08,071 --> 01:52:10,073
Chrome Bone.
1872
01:52:10,116 --> 01:52:13,032
I haven't always been
the best friend to you.
1873
01:52:13,076 --> 01:52:15,382
But you've always been
that to me.
1874
01:52:15,426 --> 01:52:16,775
So thank you.
1875
01:52:18,951 --> 01:52:20,561
Say "fuck" for me.
1876
01:52:21,388 --> 01:52:22,694
Just once. Come on,
1877
01:52:22,738 --> 01:52:24,348
we'll do it together.
It's no big deal.
1878
01:52:24,391 --> 01:52:27,438
Here we go. One, two, three.
F... F... F...
1879
01:52:27,481 --> 01:52:28,656
Fuck.
1880
01:52:28,700 --> 01:52:31,964
Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth.
1881
01:52:33,313 --> 01:52:36,403
And you, Cable.
1882
01:52:36,447 --> 01:52:40,930
You get back to your family.
You tell 'em Wade says hi.
1883
01:52:40,973 --> 01:52:44,629
And promise me.
Promise me one thing.
1884
01:52:44,672 --> 01:52:46,065
That you'll start
judging people...
1885
01:52:46,109 --> 01:52:47,501
not by the color
of their skin,
1886
01:52:47,545 --> 01:52:49,416
but by the content
of their character.
1887
01:52:50,156 --> 01:52:51,767
- Jesus.
- R-Dog?
1888
01:52:52,942 --> 01:52:55,422
There you are. Hey!
1889
01:52:55,466 --> 01:52:57,685
You're a superhero now, bubba.
1890
01:52:57,729 --> 01:53:00,732
That's why it's high time
that you had a super suit.
1891
01:53:00,776 --> 01:53:02,168
This one is yours.
1892
01:53:02,212 --> 01:53:03,953
You might wanna
get it steam cleaned.
1893
01:53:03,996 --> 01:53:05,432
Especially around the pants.
1894
01:53:05,476 --> 01:53:07,173
And let it out
a little in the waist.
1895
01:53:08,131 --> 01:53:09,132
But, hey.
1896
01:53:10,176 --> 01:53:11,525
Look.
1897
01:53:11,569 --> 01:53:14,180
Family is not an F-word.
1898
01:53:14,920 --> 01:53:16,269
All right?
1899
01:53:16,313 --> 01:53:18,750
There's one out there
for you.
1900
01:53:18,794 --> 01:53:20,491
Just keep looking, okay?
1901
01:53:23,973 --> 01:53:26,758
Guys, for a second there...
1902
01:53:27,585 --> 01:53:29,717
we made a pretty good team.
1903
01:53:44,776 --> 01:53:46,778
Oh, it's so hard to go.
1904
01:53:48,345 --> 01:53:50,651
I just love being around
you guys so much.
1905
01:53:51,739 --> 01:53:52,958
So, so much.
1906
01:53:53,698 --> 01:53:55,047
Mmm.
1907
01:53:55,091 --> 01:53:57,920
No, I can feel it now.
Here it comes, yeah.
1908
01:53:57,963 --> 01:54:01,793
I feel the soul
exiting the husk.
1909
01:54:01,837 --> 01:54:02,838
Yeah.
1910
01:54:04,709 --> 01:54:07,190
Can you see it?
1911
01:54:07,233 --> 01:54:09,409
Do you see
that beautiful bright light?
1912
01:54:10,889 --> 01:54:12,021
There it is.
1913
01:54:18,288 --> 01:54:19,550
Oh, that's the sun.
1914
01:54:19,593 --> 01:54:21,465
Don't stare
directly into that.
1915
01:54:21,508 --> 01:54:22,945
I just have a few final words.
1916
01:54:25,164 --> 01:54:26,557
Woodpecker.
1917
01:54:27,340 --> 01:54:28,689
Gingivitis.
1918
01:54:30,735 --> 01:54:32,084
Codswallop.
1919
01:54:36,436 --> 01:54:38,395
Do You Want to
Build a Snowman?
1920
01:55:53,383 --> 01:55:54,601
Sorry I'm late.
1921
01:55:54,645 --> 01:55:56,342
There was a bunch
1922
01:55:56,386 --> 01:55:57,754
of handicapable children
who were stuck in a tree.
1923
01:55:57,778 --> 01:55:59,998
No.No.
1924
01:56:00,042 --> 01:56:03,132
But I did have to help a kid.Yeah.
1925
01:56:03,175 --> 01:56:05,090
He's got a terrible name. It's just awful.
1926
01:56:05,134 --> 01:56:06,135
Ugh. I tried to tell him.
1927
01:56:08,485 --> 01:56:09,921
Is this heaven?
1928
01:56:10,791 --> 01:56:11,967
It is now.
1929
01:56:15,448 --> 01:56:17,320
I am so sorry.
1930
01:56:18,147 --> 01:56:19,496
It's okay.
1931
01:56:39,342 --> 01:56:41,213
I missed you so much.
1932
01:56:46,827 --> 01:56:48,481
What is it? What's wrong?
1933
01:56:50,396 --> 01:56:52,485
It's not time.
1934
01:56:52,529 --> 01:56:54,531
What do you mean
it's not time?
1935
01:56:54,574 --> 01:56:56,185
I'm here, I made it.
1936
01:56:56,228 --> 01:56:57,969
You can't stay. No, no, no.
1937
01:56:58,013 --> 01:57:00,667
I'm staying. I'm not going
anywhere without you.
1938
01:57:00,711 --> 01:57:02,147
It's okay.
1939
01:57:02,191 --> 01:57:05,020
There's a time for us.
It's just not now.
1940
01:57:06,064 --> 01:57:08,501
They need you. Who?
1941
01:57:10,547 --> 01:57:11,852
Your F-word.
1942
01:57:13,115 --> 01:57:14,116
Why?
1943
01:57:14,159 --> 01:57:15,160
You'll find out.
1944
01:57:16,422 --> 01:57:17,989
It's all right. I'll be here.
1945
01:57:19,338 --> 01:57:22,124
It's pretty fucking
awesome over here.
1946
01:57:22,167 --> 01:57:24,082
I can have anything I want.
1947
01:57:24,126 --> 01:57:26,258
Can every day be
International Women's Day?
1948
01:57:26,302 --> 01:57:27,868
It is heaven.
1949
01:57:27,912 --> 01:57:29,131
I love you.
1950
01:57:31,655 --> 01:57:34,397
I know. I love you, too.
1951
01:57:35,006 --> 01:57:36,399
Now, go.
1952
01:57:37,269 --> 01:57:39,271
Go on. Go, get out of here.
1953
01:57:40,316 --> 01:57:41,317
Go.
1954
01:57:44,146 --> 01:57:45,146
Hey!
1955
01:57:48,150 --> 01:57:50,282
Kiss me
like you miss me, Red.
1956
01:57:50,935 --> 01:57:52,067
Well, come here.
1957
01:58:11,390 --> 01:58:13,131
Don't fuck Elvis.
1958
01:58:13,175 --> 01:58:14,915
Ooh, too late. I'm sorry?
1959
01:58:24,403 --> 01:58:25,665
Time to make the chimichangas.
1960
01:58:25,709 --> 01:58:26,840
30 seconds.
1961
01:58:26,884 --> 01:58:28,146
Hey. Been meaning
to ask you...
1962
01:58:28,190 --> 01:58:30,670
what's with the creepy,
dirty hobo bear?
1963
01:58:30,714 --> 01:58:32,890
It's my daughter's teddy bear.
1964
01:58:32,933 --> 01:58:34,457
Her name's Hope.
1965
01:58:34,500 --> 01:58:35,632
Well...
1966
01:58:36,459 --> 01:58:38,374
What are you doing?
1967
01:58:38,417 --> 01:58:40,071
Somebody swiped right.
1968
01:58:52,823 --> 01:58:55,608
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.
1969
01:58:58,524 --> 01:59:00,309
You sacrificed
yourself for me.
1970
01:59:00,352 --> 01:59:01,875
It would seem I...
1971
01:59:04,051 --> 01:59:05,314
Huh?
1972
01:59:06,445 --> 01:59:08,795
Genuine, high-grade lead.
1973
01:59:10,710 --> 01:59:13,757
You time-sliding
son of a bitch!
1974
01:59:13,800 --> 01:59:15,367
You did this for me?
1975
01:59:17,239 --> 01:59:20,329
Wait. You can't go back.
1976
01:59:20,372 --> 01:59:21,678
You used
the last of your fuel.
1977
01:59:21,721 --> 01:59:23,462
What about your girl,
your wife?
1978
01:59:23,506 --> 01:59:26,770
Now, my family's safe.
And I didn't do it for you.
1979
01:59:28,250 --> 01:59:30,687
No, I'm gonna stick around
for a while...
1980
01:59:30,730 --> 01:59:31,992
and make sure the world
1981
01:59:32,036 --> 01:59:33,733
doesn't shit itself
into oblivion.
1982
01:59:34,430 --> 01:59:37,302
No. You did it for me.
1983
01:59:38,085 --> 01:59:39,522
No, I didn't.
1984
01:59:39,565 --> 01:59:41,001
You did. I really didn't.
1985
01:59:41,045 --> 01:59:42,885
Pretty sure you did.
No, I'm positive I didn't.
1986
01:59:42,916 --> 01:59:44,701
Fine. All right,
let's flip a coin. Okay?
1987
01:59:44,744 --> 01:59:47,486
Heads, you did it for me.
Tails, you did it for me.
1988
01:59:47,530 --> 01:59:50,315
I'm not even gonna look,
because you did it for me.
1989
01:59:50,359 --> 01:59:51,490
Say it again.
1990
01:59:51,534 --> 01:59:53,144
He did it for me. CABLE: Jesus.
1991
01:59:53,188 --> 01:59:54,991
We must get the collar off.
Forget it. It's no use.
1992
01:59:55,015 --> 01:59:56,930
These collars
don't just come off.
1993
01:59:56,974 --> 01:59:58,454
Wade.
1994
01:59:58,497 --> 02:00:00,412
I have an idea.
1995
02:00:00,456 --> 02:00:02,588
No, no, no!
Let's not do that. Please!
1996
02:00:02,632 --> 02:00:05,069
I'd rather die of cancer.
Let's just...
1997
02:00:05,112 --> 02:00:08,246
Oh, God! They do say the pen
is grosser than the sword.
1998
02:00:08,290 --> 02:00:10,596
We need the code.
1999
02:00:10,640 --> 02:00:12,555
Try, uh, seven?
2000
02:00:12,598 --> 02:00:14,209
Settle down,
Captain Lucky.
2001
02:00:14,252 --> 02:00:15,688
It's not gonna be one number.
2002
02:00:15,732 --> 02:00:16,892
Oh, God, that's lazy writing.
2003
02:00:17,821 --> 02:00:19,170
I still got it.
2004
02:00:22,217 --> 02:00:24,175
Put that back
in your prison wallet.
2005
02:00:25,872 --> 02:00:27,787
I don't know how to thank you.
2006
02:00:27,831 --> 02:00:29,746
But I do know how to hug you.
2007
02:00:29,789 --> 02:00:31,095
No.Yes.
2008
02:00:31,138 --> 02:00:32,618
Here we go. Bring it in.
2009
02:00:32,662 --> 02:00:33,750
Come on.
2010
02:00:33,793 --> 02:00:35,230
Pelvis to pelvis.
2011
02:00:35,273 --> 02:00:36,622
Let's go tip to tip.
2012
02:00:36,666 --> 02:00:39,234
There we go.
The kids call this docking.
2013
02:00:40,931 --> 02:00:42,498
Is there a knife in my dick?
2014
02:00:42,541 --> 02:00:44,345
There's a knife in your dick.
I'm just gonna back up now.
2015
02:00:44,369 --> 02:00:46,284
Yeah, yeah. No need to go full Yentl.
2016
02:00:46,328 --> 02:00:49,113
Gonna pretend
like that never happened.
2017
02:00:49,156 --> 02:00:51,071
Let's go home, Russell.
2018
02:00:54,727 --> 02:00:56,512
All you dirty mutants
2019
02:00:56,555 --> 02:00:59,123
are gonna rot in hell
with the boy!
2020
02:00:59,166 --> 02:01:02,257
Your souls
are beyond redemption!
2021
02:01:02,300 --> 02:01:03,562
Let's see your soul, perv!
2022
02:01:03,606 --> 02:01:06,435
No, no! No! No more!
We're better than that!
2023
02:01:06,478 --> 02:01:07,784
We're better than him!
2024
02:01:07,827 --> 02:01:10,439
No more senseless violence!
No more bloodshed!
2025
02:01:10,482 --> 02:01:12,092
We'll let karma
take care of him.
2026
02:01:12,136 --> 02:01:15,139
The day of reckoning is here!
2027
02:01:24,453 --> 02:01:26,542
I'm gonna miss him.
He seemed great.
2028
02:01:26,585 --> 02:01:27,804
Whoo!
2029
02:01:27,847 --> 02:01:29,458
Courage, motherfuckers!
2030
02:01:29,501 --> 02:01:30,981
And karma, motherfucker.
2031
02:01:31,024 --> 02:01:32,437
I could hear you
coming the last 30 seconds.
2032
02:01:32,461 --> 02:01:34,463
I could barely keep
a straight face.
2033
02:01:34,506 --> 02:01:36,421
I want some more.
2034
02:01:36,465 --> 02:01:38,205
I bet you do, Brown Panther.
2035
02:01:38,249 --> 02:01:41,774
We should leave
before Fuckernaut wakes up.
2036
02:01:41,818 --> 02:01:44,081
Good call.
You guys coming with us?
2037
02:01:44,124 --> 02:01:46,083
No, we'll get the kids
back to the mansion.
2038
02:01:46,126 --> 02:01:47,650
Besides, we're X-Men.
2039
02:01:47,693 --> 02:01:50,348
No, you're X-People.
2040
02:01:50,392 --> 02:01:51,741
You're exhausting.
2041
02:01:51,784 --> 02:01:53,569
I see what you did there.
Puns.
2042
02:01:53,612 --> 02:01:55,048
Our door's always open.
2043
02:01:55,092 --> 02:01:56,876
That's kind, but
I'm not ready to date again.
2044
02:01:56,920 --> 02:01:57,921
Let alone two women.
2045
02:01:59,052 --> 02:02:00,750
God, you're a douche.
2046
02:02:00,793 --> 02:02:02,926
Bye, Wade! Bye, Yukio!
2047
02:02:05,624 --> 02:02:06,930
What do you get
2048
02:02:06,973 --> 02:02:07,887
when you take
eight feet of chrome...
2049
02:02:07,931 --> 02:02:09,106
one pinch of courage...
2050
02:02:09,149 --> 02:02:10,368
a cup of good luck...
2051
02:02:10,412 --> 02:02:11,978
a dab of racism...
2052
02:02:12,022 --> 02:02:13,545
a splash of diabetes...
2053
02:02:13,589 --> 02:02:15,982
and a wheelbarrow
full of stage four cancer?
2054
02:02:16,026 --> 02:02:18,724
Answer: a family.
2055
02:02:18,768 --> 02:02:21,901
See? I didn't lie
what kind of film this was.
2056
02:02:21,945 --> 02:02:23,488
If there's anything
you take away today...
2057
02:02:23,512 --> 02:02:26,471
other than the need to Google,
"What the fuck is dubstep?"...
2058
02:02:26,515 --> 02:02:29,344
it's that we all need
to belong to someone.
2059
02:04:26,417 --> 02:04:28,158
How something
so small generates
2060
02:04:28,201 --> 02:04:29,768
enough energy
to reverse time is...
2061
02:04:29,812 --> 02:04:32,205
Oh, just fix it, Eleven,
2062
02:04:32,249 --> 02:04:34,512
or I'll take it
to the Genius Bar.
2063
02:04:34,556 --> 02:04:35,794
Cable's gonna kill you
when he finds out.
2064
02:04:35,818 --> 02:04:36,862
Never heard of him.
2065
02:04:36,906 --> 02:04:38,385
Why do you think
I'm helping him?
2066
02:04:39,648 --> 02:04:41,911
The Lord works
in mysterious ways,
2067
02:04:41,954 --> 02:04:44,217
don't I? A good day.
2068
02:04:44,957 --> 02:04:45,958
Bye, Wade!
2069
02:04:46,481 --> 02:04:47,482
Bye, Yukio!
2070
02:04:48,787 --> 02:04:51,311
That was probably a bad idea.
2071
02:04:51,355 --> 02:04:52,356
What have we done?
2072
02:05:10,896 --> 02:05:12,942
I hope we sharpened
the cream cheese spreader.
2073
02:05:23,082 --> 02:05:24,519
I'll be right back!
2074
02:05:26,521 --> 02:05:29,045
We're definitely naming
our kid Cher!
2075
02:05:29,436 --> 02:05:30,437
Whoo!
2076
02:05:32,265 --> 02:05:33,571
Peter!
2077
02:05:33,615 --> 02:05:35,181
Whoo! X-Force!
2078
02:05:35,225 --> 02:05:38,271
Walk away! Just walk away!
2079
02:05:38,315 --> 02:05:40,317
But we're X-Force! Nope! We're not.
2080
02:05:40,360 --> 02:05:41,710
X-Force is just
a marketing tool
2081
02:05:41,753 --> 02:05:43,059
designed by Fox executives...
2082
02:05:43,102 --> 02:05:44,800
to keep Josh Brolin employed.
2083
02:05:44,843 --> 02:05:46,366
It doesn't exist.
2084
02:05:46,410 --> 02:05:49,718
All right, well,
this has been pretty scary!
2085
02:05:49,761 --> 02:05:51,458
And I need to feed my cat!
2086
02:05:51,502 --> 02:05:53,983
Go home, Sugarbear. Go home.
2087
02:05:54,026 --> 02:05:57,290
Okay. Will you give
Domino my email?
2088
02:06:06,473 --> 02:06:08,345
Wade, is that you?
2089
02:06:10,608 --> 02:06:11,957
I guess Stryker finally
2090
02:06:12,001 --> 02:06:13,393
figured out
how to shut you up.
2091
02:06:19,965 --> 02:06:23,360
Hey! It's me!
Don't scratch!
2092
02:06:23,403 --> 02:06:25,449
Just cleaning up
the timelines!
2093
02:06:25,492 --> 02:06:29,322
Look, eventually you're
going to hang up the claws...
2094
02:06:29,366 --> 02:06:31,586
and it's gonna make
a lot of people very sad.
2095
02:06:31,977 --> 02:06:33,370
Huh?
2096
02:06:33,413 --> 02:06:34,739
But one day, your old pal
Wade's gonna ask you...
2097
02:06:34,763 --> 02:06:36,721
to get back
in the saddle again.
2098
02:06:37,635 --> 02:06:40,159
And when he does,
say yes.
2099
02:06:41,421 --> 02:06:43,380
Oh, right.
2100
02:06:44,294 --> 02:06:45,600
Love you!
2101
02:06:47,950 --> 02:06:49,604
Goddamn, that's beautiful.
2102
02:06:56,959 --> 02:06:58,787
You're welcome, Canada.
2103
02:07:11,321 --> 02:07:12,496
Boy howdy.
2104
02:07:14,367 --> 02:07:17,283
Hi. This is a toughie.
2105
02:07:17,327 --> 02:07:18,763
Yeesh.
2106
02:07:18,807 --> 02:07:22,201
Oh, yes. You're already
practicing your salute, huh?
2107
02:07:22,245 --> 02:07:25,074
Yes, you are. Well, we'll
take care of that, won't we?
2108
02:07:25,117 --> 02:07:27,903
Jesus Christ! This is
so much harder than I thought.
2109
02:07:28,730 --> 02:07:30,383
Oh, I'm going to hell.
2110
02:07:30,427 --> 02:07:32,124
That makes two of us.
2111
02:07:32,168 --> 02:07:33,778
You can do this.
2112
02:07:33,822 --> 02:07:36,476
This is crazy. This is crazy.
This is crazy. This is crazy.
2113
02:07:36,520 --> 02:07:37,652
All right.
2114
02:07:45,007 --> 02:07:47,400
Maximum effort.
2115
02:13:25,086 --> 02:13:27,392
That's okay.
Let me see here.
2116
02:13:27,436 --> 02:13:28,959
Oh, God.
2117
02:13:29,003 --> 02:13:30,961
That's why you're
such a little bastard.
2118
02:13:31,005 --> 02:13:33,355
No one's ever changed you.
2119
02:13:33,398 --> 02:13:36,140
Yeah, you got a big, old
stinky in there, don't you?
2120
02:13:36,184 --> 02:13:39,013
God, it smells like
Hitler's anus...
2121
02:13:39,056 --> 02:13:41,624
which would makes sense,
wouldn't it? Yeah.
2122
02:13:41,667 --> 02:13:42,842
I think we both know
2123
02:13:42,886 --> 02:13:44,298
I don't have
what it takes to do this...
2124
02:13:44,322 --> 02:13:46,498
so I'm just gonna change
your diaper real quick...
2125
02:13:46,542 --> 02:13:48,476
and then I'm gonna come back
with my friend, Cable.
2126
02:13:48,500 --> 02:13:49,893
He loves killing kids.
147788
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