Original subtitles

Well, here we are again, old friend.

And to the new ones, hello and welcome.

Most of you probably recognize this paragon of a man dozing here as none

than Ron Burgundy.

For those of you who need reminding, the last time we saw Ron he was at the top

of his game.

He battled for his love, his very life, and most of all, journalistic integrity,

and he won.

This local anchor was soon the apple of the nation's eye.

His flip from the top was swift and merciful.

The world that was once his for the taking seemed to shut every door.

He lost his job, his team, and yes, even his girl.

But Ron didn't languish in this new pit of despair.

Ron came back to the city that once loved him because he knew they would

need him, and as long as a man is needed, he is hopeful.

And as long as a man has hope, he has dreams.

And right now, well...

Right now, a dream is all that Ron Burgundy needs to get back on top.

And good day to you, sweet factor.

But before that dream can take wing, he's got to hit his bottom.

John Burke, indeed.

No, nothing, my lady.

Pleased to meet you. Believe me, this is all mine. I can't believe you're here

at my house. This is such a surprise.

Are there cameras?

No, no cameras.

This is our own special time together.

Our own special time? I don't understand.

A woman such as yourself needs to be protected against the ravages of age and

environment.

What I have here will help restore youth and vitality to a face that's quickly

losing it.

These products will help you look and feel way younger.

And I personally guarantee it.

Losing it?

Losing it? I'll tell you who's losing it, Mr. Burgundy. And that's you. You go

peddle your kingpins somewhere else. That's right, run away.

And who would wear a tit necklace on national TV anyway, you pervert?

And there it is, Ron's bottle.

If there's something Ron knows about, it's bottles.

This here's a story about how he picked himself out of his own bottom, only to

be back on top once again.

Oh, sweet Baxter.

What are we going to do in these useless times?

What's that?

Oh, Baxter, you know I don't speak Farsi.

What?

Rob the deadies down the street?

Baxter, I want to read the news, not be on the news.

Besides, my face is legendary there, and I'd have nowhere to take the ladies

after a little post -workout meal if you get my drift.

What's that?

Oh, Baxter, I don't speak Spanish or understand it.

Balderdash! That place is a dump!

Only the best for the ladies.

Although... I don't know how much longer I'll be able to maintain such lavish

disappointment.

Oh, sweet Baxter.

Whatever our two cosmopolitan fellows like us to do in these troubling times.

That's right, it's us. Let us in.

We've got something we need to talk to you about.

I brought more smoke.

Welcome.

Welcome to my den of sadness and despair.

Olives? They're imported, you know.

I find their saltiness replaces the saline loss.

From all the tears I've cried over the shambles our lives have become.

Well, you see, Ron, that's why we're here.

I think it's time we stop dealing with this garbage and get our lives back in

order.

Brian's skills in field reporting left him woefully inept to function in the

real world.

The Sanitation Authority, however, recognized his potential. He was Mr.

in their annual Men of Garbage calendar.

you who smells of rotten squirrel meat and veral ox musk?

Very likely.

That's what we wanted to talk to you about, Ron.

This isn't like you.

This isn't like us.

But we don't know what to do without you guiding us.

Hell, frankly, we don't know what to do without the news.

After sports reporting, Champ decided he had to find a job that was just as

manly, which is how he ended up repairing cars.

Although he had no knowledge of them whatsoever.

The doctor said there's no

damage permanent.

You mean... permanent damage?

It's what I said.

Some flowers are poisonous.

Even Brick had to find another job.

He shocked everyone by showing a natural predilection toward flower arrangement.

It's the wrapping he has problems with.

Alrighty then.

I don't know, guys. I just don't know what to do.

I mean, the news is all I know.

And that's why we gotta get you back to it. I'm sure you've seen the magazine

with Veronica Corningstone on the cover.

Indeed I have.

And don't think I haven't seen her smugly anchoring all over this town.

town that I used to run.

And that's why you can get it back.

Because...

You know she's so sweet on you.

Well, that's right.

Once you've had the burgundy special, you just keep coming back for a second.

Exactly. Call her up. Use that divine charisma.

She'll be putty in your hands. And then we'll be back behind the news desk.

You're right.

You're all right.

We can't have women running the news. Who's going to report on race cars

hurricanes, and where to get the perfect whiskey sour.

Pity deserves us back on the air.

And if I had to bang Veronica Corningstone to get us there, and by

it.

Whammy! Right on!

Is it time for cake yet?

I have work to do, team.

Take your leave.

I'll be in contact with you soon.

Soon we'll be back in the saddle again.

Watch out, Veronica Corningstone.

You're not going to know what hit you.

Mr. Burgundy?

Oh, Veronica, my little lampire.

It's been far too long.

Let my eyes take you in for the thirstiest desert dust of your face.

It's nice to see you too, Ron.

Hi, Brick.

I'm a waiter now.

I can see that.

Hi, Ron.

Ron, what's going on?

Was it so wrong for two ex -lovers to sit under a blanket of stars and share a

glass of the nectar of the gods?

Do you ever think of me, Veronica?

Do you ever reminisce about the times we've spent together and the sweet,

love we made?

Ron, please don't do this.

I'm sorry.

I... I didn't mean to offend you.

I'm not offended.

Really?

If you must know, Mr. Burgundy, I think of you all the time.

I can't help it.

And here you are.

under the stars, and you're dressed so immaculately, and there's wine, and...

Oh, Ron.

Yes, Veronica.

Do me.

Oh, Veronica.

Oh,

wait. Oh, darling, what's wrong?

We seem to have encountered a situation.

My mustache is caught in your neck.

I've got to rectify the situation.

Veronica,

there is a question I do have to ask you.

Yes, Ron?

Is there room on your news team for...

Anchor is a little down on his luck.

Not if you stop what you're doing.

Point taken.

I want you to eat my pussy.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, yeah. What's my pussy just like that?

Oh my god.

Let's get some sleep.

You sleep already?

Oh, my little pom pom dude.

You have no idea how good it feels to be back in the newsroom again.

It's like my second home.

Just remember, this is my show now. You're not in charge.

You're going to have to pay your dues just like anyone else.

I can send you out as a field reporter for now, but that's all.

Field reporter?

After the brilliant lovemaking I gave you last night?

Surely I had to do it better.

Field reporter or face cream, Ron, those are your choices.

And yes, it was brilliant.

Sweet Jesus' boar skin.

Look at all of them.

Ron Burgundy, I'd like to introduce you to our news team.

This is Diane Billingsley. She's our sportscaster.

How adorable.

A lady sportscaster.

What type of ladies sports do you report on?

Actually, Mr. Burgundy, I report on all sports, male and female.

Well, wonders never cease.

I'm Patricia Hart, but you can call me Patty. I do the weather. I mean, I'm the

weather girl.

You've been a hero of mine since I was a kid, Mr. Burgundy.

Pleased to meet you, Patty.

If I wasn't already cardinally involved with your anchor, I'd still be your

hero.

Ron, this is Catherine Merriweather. You'll be reporting with her out on the

field. Ron, we look forward to working with you.

Likewise.

I'm not sure how to say this, so I'm just going to go ahead and say this. I

fired from the network for wearing jewelry that looked just like those.

You may want to keep those piggies back in the pen, and that little bit of

advice is free.

Ladies, I can't tell you how excited you must be to meet me, and of course I'm

sure you are.

I look forward to contributing to the expertise of your news team.

But for now, I need to find the men's room.

There is still a men's room here, I assume?

Yeah, right where it always was.

Super! Veronica, what was that?

That's Ron Burgundy.

Yeah, we know who he is.

Why is he here?

Are you threatened?

I'll have you know that he's one of the best newsmen I've ever worked with. He

will be an asset to our team, I assure you. I'm glad he's here.

Keep your mitts off of him.

Yes, ma 'am.

And does everybody have their assignments for today?

Yes? Then I suggest we get started.

Hello,

team.

How's it going over there, Ron?

Like nothing I've ever seen before.

Do you need any backup?

Oh, can I wear the mustache again?

Well, I definitely can't infiltrate this place on my own, but then again, I

definitely don't want to arouse their suspicion.

Is there anything you would like to arouse, you old dog?

There'll be no talk like that. I'll have you know these ladies are fine

representatives of the journalistic arts.

That's a pretty good one, my friend. Pretty good one.

Ladies smell pretty.

You may want to get your asses over here as soon as possible.

Oh,

my team leader. I was just finishing an important phone call with a very

excellent lead.

Hard at work already, are we?

I thought you would be.

Now, I have your desk set up over here.

And if you're good, I may have to call you into my office for a talking to.

These men had their work cut out for them, trying to infiltrate this tight

team. But they could not be dissuaded.

Ron was not content reporting on things outside the anchor deck.

But he knew someone who was.

Oh!

So I just read the words and speak into this thing?

Yes, that'd be quite nice.

You have done this before, haven't you?

Oh, yes, yes.

I'm just used to being behind the desk as an anchor.

I'm used to this contraption. What is this?

What is this thing?

The handheld microphone.

Fuck. Yeah.

So I just...

Hold it here and speak like this?

Down here should be the position.

That's a knitting.

No idea what I'm doing, honestly.

No idea at all.

Oh boy, am I nervous.

I don't know if I can do this.

Oh, there's my friend Brian.

Brian, come over here.

What a lucky happenstance.

Brian here just happens to be an excellent field reporter.

Ron,

Ron, we're starting.

Where are you going?

Ron, Ron, get back here. Five, four, three.

Good afternoon. Here we are in an empty parking lot at 12th and Michael Street,

where for years neighbors have complained about the state of this area.

thanks to a special vote by city council, a park will be erected here

summer.

Yes, that's exactly true, Brian. But some are complaining that a park might

be what this area, which is lacking in police presence, really needs.

Come and be heard this evening in a community meeting.

Police or parks, Kristen?

It's always a good decision, and very wise, to play safe.

Absolutely, Brian.

I'm Brian Fontana. And I'm Christine Merriweather, reporting from the field.

Back to you in the studio.

And we're clear.

You were amazing.

Well, you're right, I was amazing.

It's just this little thing I do.

I've never seen someone so natural.

comfortable in front of a camera before.

It was quite simple, you see. All I do is I pretend that the person standing

next to me is in their underwear, and I am too.

And we're not reporting the news.

And that works.

Well, you did just see it in action, sugar tits.

Sugar tits.

That's extremely... Flattering?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I thought I'd get a little cough first.

Oh, my God.

fucking tits. Grab my fucking tits. Oh, yes.

I love it. I love when you touch my fucking tits. Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Yes. Yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, my God, you're so fucking good at that.

Oh, God, yes.

Yes, yes, baby, yes. Make me cum on you again.

Make me cum on your fucking...

Squeeze your fucking dick. Oh my god, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,

make me squeeze your fucking dick, yes.

team on a whim.

Besides, Ron is your partner.

I thought we were adding people to the team today.

We are a team, aren't we, Veronica?

Besides, you can have your boy toy in the office, and I can have mine too.

Well, what am I supposed to do with Ron?

Oh, honey, if you don't know that by now, I can't help you.

Brian?

wasn't what I was expecting today.

Well, isn't it? This all seems a little too convenient to me.

Oh, what do themes mean anyways, my darling?

If you're gunning for the anchor position, again, Burgundy, you're not

get it.

Okay, and if I do that thing in bed that makes you scream like a million deaf

banshees?

No, Ron, stop.

Stop trying to dissuade me with your pathetic, yet effective lovemaking

Until I can find a suitable position for you, you're going out with the interns.

The interns?

Ron's feelings about interns were well known. Deep -seated and not very

positive. He pictured pimply boys with no cares about journalistic integrity,

building forts, and watching daytime television. He was about to get the

of his life.

Chimp, you may want to get in here.

They're lesbians.

I came as quickly as I could.

oh

Boom!

How are you today, little lady? Are you an intern?

Please. Please tell me you're an intern. No, champ.

Diane Billingsley here.

Happens to run the sports desk now.

A lady sportscaster?

Well, I will be a monkey's testicle.

Why don't you take a picture?

It'll last longer.

Diane, this here is Champ. You may recognize him from days gone past. He

run the sports desk.

That's right.

I do recognize you.

Champ kind.

Whammy. Oh, man.

You're a legend.

Oh, no.

No, really, you are.

You correctly predicted the outcome of every heavyweight fight for five years.

How did you do that?

Psychic monkey.

No, Ron.

I think I see what's going on here.

Tell her when I'm not needed.

Captain Thorpe, I've passed it.

No. I never told anyone how I did it. Not even Ron.

But I'll tell you.

dog.

That's brilliant.

So, uh, tell me, little filly, how'd you get your start in sportscasting?

Oh, wow, I haven't so fast. I started station last year in winter.

I am so, so sorry.

Um, I,

um, let me please, I... Actually,

I think I...

I owe you a little something for that tip.

Don't you?

I love the

news.

Whammy.

I can't wait to tell them.

I'm fucking your dick up.

Howdy, champ.

Howdy, Louie.

Fancy meeting you here on the break room fucking floor.

You want to cuck on me?

No, no, no, that'd be great.

Hi, Brooke.

Uh, these aren't for you.

Oh, well, how very unthoughtful of you.

You're welcome.

I see what's going on here.

You're all trying to take back the news desk by seducing us, and we're all

falling for it.

Patricia, get over here.

Yes, ma 'am.

Oh, my God, it's Brooke Tamlin.

You know, you're the reason I'm here. I mean, the way the forecast comes out of

your mouth, it's inspirational.

72 degrees.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Wow.

These are for you, I think.

I sense a warm front in the south.

It's a pants party.

Oh, indeed it is, sir.

Indeed it is.

Be gentle.

Wow, that feels, um... Thank you, Rick.

Reminds me of summer camp.

I love summer camp.

You were too tired to make clothes, Rick.

true for me.

I'm gonna fuck Brick Tamlin.

You're gonna fuck Brick Tamlin? Yeah.

That's you.

You're Brick.

I'm gonna fuck you. Tell me how that goes.

Your dick and my vagina.

How's that sound, Brick?

You ready for that?

Thank you.

Yeah.

No!

Eventually, it was recognized that with the combined talent of all these

newscasters, that the news was better if they were all involved.

That is, of course, if they can all keep their hands off each other.

The new team, once led by Veronica and Ron, set new ratings records and

countless others to pursue their dreams.