Original subtitles

This programme contains strong language, and was recorded

in accordance with all social distancing guidelines

in place at the time of filming.

Hello, and welcome to the opening link

for another episode of Taskmaster.

Like all good sporting competitions,

you're about to see a group of athletes

go head-to-head in a series of challenges

until one of them proves themself to be the very best.

Unlike regulated sport,

there are no restrictions on performance-enhancing drugs.

Here at Taskmaster, we have a simple mantra -

if it makes them more entertaining,

let them gobble on illegals until the cows come home.

So, here they are! Five pumped-up roid-heads,

on the edge of mental and physical collapse.

Daisy May Cooper!

Johnny Vegas!

Katherine Parkinson!

Mawaan Rizwan!

And Richard Herring!

And, next to me, it's the one and only,

the brilliant, the talented, the charming...

..little Alex Horne!

Thank you, Greg. That's all right. Very kind.

I... Oh, I'm so sorry.

Sorry, there's been a mix-up.

That was the script for my godson's wedding.

Sorry, I'll just do that bit again.

Here we are, and next to me

is a man who once did a poo in a paddling pool.

It's little Alex Horne!

Thank you, Greg.

Right. Let's get on with it, though, shall we?

I wish that you would tell me what the prize category is.

Granted! Today, it's a rather special one

which I know is close to a lot of people's hearts.

Yes, it's the best thing that is bigger at the top than the bottom.

Like a funnel.

So, the person who's brought in the best thing

that is bigger at the top than the bottom will get five mega points,

and, at the end of the show, the overall winner will take home

some seriously top-heavy prizes. Lovely. Thank you.

I am going to start with... little Richard Herring.

Ah, thank you. What thing have you brought in?

It is a Cornetto.

Mm. Good. LAUGHTER

It tapers down to a point. It's a tapered ice cream all right.

Have you been talking to Daisy about how to choose prizes for this?

I just went literal, I went what's bigger and better than...

I couldn't really think of anything.

Yeah. Fine, so you had a little chat with Daisy.

She said, just fall into your kitchen, grab the first thing...

Grab the first thing that you can, and get one point!

Yeah. Good.

Daisy. This could be the first time

that you're not the worst at this round.

I have brought in a cotton bud

wearing a pirate's hat made out of a face wipe.

Yes, she's made this for you.

You've upped your game.

Do you think? Yes!

I call it Captain Budwash.

I mean, it is what it is. No, that is true, I've confirmed that.

It is what it is.

I get your strategy. It's...

It's not to focus on round one, I get it.

Johnny, what have you brought in to beat those two?

It's a huge part of everyone's life.

Where would we be without it?

It's a toilet.

LAUGHTER Here it is.

He has genuinely brought in a toilet.

It's bigger at the top than it is at the bottom.

Otherwise it would be a suppository.

And did you genuinely bring this in from home?

I genuinely brought that in from home, and I'm not happy with it,

because them smaller tanks,

I have to flush it four times to shift anything.

Listen, you're preaching to the converted. I'm a four-flush man.

Well, I've got a couple of the Victorian ones,

and I was never prouder when my dad came out of using that

and he went... "That'd shift a bike." Yeah!

They're amazing. LAUGHTER

My grandmother's was exactly the same.

You could put a live fox in that, and it would... One flush, gone!

Katherine, this is going to take some losing.

It's an acorn...

that would grow, obviously, into an oak tree.

So, here is the oak tree that the winner will get

in approximately 200 years.

I mean, I quite like it. Tonight, they're going to get this.

Yeah.

Still smaller at the bottom.

Well, that way up it's big at the top...

Big at the top. Yeah. Cos it's upside down.

Yeah, but it would be hanging from... Like that.

I suppose it would be, wouldn't it?

I don't mind it, Katherine. I think it's pretty imaginative.

Aww! I thought that you would understand it better

than Alex, actually. Yeah, couldn't get my head round it at all.

It fulfils the criteria, and it promises to fulfil the criteria

even more. For 1,000 years.

Yeah, for 1,000 years...

Well done you. Thank you.

Oh. Mawaan.

You're so unpredictable.

Am I?!

I brought in something that we all use on a regular basis.

It's a microphone in a microphone stand.

Right. Here it is.

Oh, my God!

And did you create that? Yeah, I basically made it for a show

cos I had this idea, yeah...

Like, a stand-up show, audience walk in,

there's a mic and microphone stand on stage... Yeah.

But I wanted to be that microphone stand and mic

to maximise my stage time.

And I'll be honest, the audience reaction...

..it deserved better. It was muted. Yeah. Yeah.

I really like it.

Cool. You've been in a very nice mood this evening, Greg.

Yeah, I am, so far. Acorn, microphone stand,

Captain Budwash, toilet, and an ice cream.

My favourite was Mawaan's.

Five points to Mawaan Rizwan.

My second favourite was Katherine's.

Oh! Four points for an acorn! Lovely oak tree.

Well done, Katherine. So much potential.

My third favourite was Johnny bringing an entire toilet in.

Course it is. Three points to Johnny Vegas.

And my next favourite is Captain Budwash.

Yes! APPLAUSE

Budwash, remarkably, gets two points.

I'm going to give one point to Richard Herring.

OK, we're off!

All right, then, let's get into the show proper.

What have we got first?

We have this, your regular task involving a robotic golf caddy,

many upturned picnic benches, a couple of chickens,

and a swivelling office chair.

Chicken!

Are you talking to me?

No.

Hello. Hey, man.

I need some shades. Want me to get you some shades? No. OK.

"Get to the... Get to that finish line...

"..clutching chicken number two."

"Get chicken number one across the start line

"aboard radio-controlled Mawaan."

Oh, not numbered chickens!

So, that's going one way, you're going the other.

You're going to have to swap chickens

with the remote-control Katherine. OK.

You must sit on the office chair at all times.

If anything touches the little robots...

your attempt is over.

Oh, those little robot things. They're brilliant!

Yeah, little robots there.

Your time starts... now.

He's off!

Nice to see a little bit of footage from a retirement home.

So, it's a classic game of

Remote-controlled Avoid The Mini Robots Office Chair Chicken Swap.

Absolutely it is.

I'm glad you summed it up.

Lovely. That's exactly what it is. Let's crack on.

This looks like a pretty sweet game.

OK, well, he's the youngest here by a considerable stretch.

But will that help when it comes to swivel chair caddy driving

and chicken swapping? Let's see. It's Mawaan Rizwan.

OK, ready?

Come on, move along.

No, what are you doing?!

Wow!

Oh, sorry, I didn't press stop!

Sorry...

Yeah! That's how you do it.

That's going to take some beating.

Well, I thought it was going to be really hard to do.

Mawaan comes in...

He made it look like everyone does it at home all the time.

He was so natural. He went off at exactly the same speed

as the remote-control golf caddy.

Yeah, but they've all been raised with that technology.

Yeah, exactly, yeah. What, chicken remote controls?

You mean because he's slightly younger? How old are you?

28. I'm not even that young.

It's ridiculous to suggest you look young,

dressed as you are as a college professor.

OK, I'm calling a time-out.

Go and feast on some ads like the ravenous consumers you are,

and, when you return, we'll see the grown-ups having a go.

Hello, and welcome back to the show.

I missed you.

Next up, they're a perfect fit.

It's Dick and Johnny.

Oh!

Oh, OK. I see, there's some little robots here!

Oh!

I think he's in.

Ooh!

Right...

No, without hitting the chicken!

Oh, God! Oh, God, oh, quick, quick, quick!

Ahh.

I've stopped the clock, Johnny.

Cheers, man.

Thank you, Richard.

Thank you, Johnny.

I'm going to take the remote control off you now.

That's one of them I want another go at.

You can have a go at lunch if you want.

No, I'll just go on Amazon Prime.

Yeah? Get myself, what, 50 benches...

I mean, again, it sort of panned out

exactly as I imagined it would pan out, really. Mm.

Richard, it looked like he was having a lovely day out

with the other old people.

"Ooh, there's some little robots there!

"How funny." LAUGHTER

And then, within seconds, Johnny's life falls apart.

It's my first experience of an electronic golf caddy,

do forgive me!

Sorry, have you not played

Remote-Controlled Avoid The Mini Robots Office Chair Chicken Swap?

It was banned in our house.

I mean, it worked.

Neither of them clashed with the little robots at any point,

so they've secured some times. Tick!

Richard, 4 minutes 30.

And how did Johnny do?

3 minutes 40.

He beat Richard? Currently in second place.

Really? Yeah.

Wow. APPLAUSE

That's bad. LAUGHTER

Let's move on.

Well, finally, brace yourselves, it's Daisy May Kath Park.

Here.

Right.

When are you going to go, do you reckon?

That's in the bin, is it?

Sorry? Nothing.

And...

OK...

Oh, I can see the little robots!

OK.

Oh, God.

Come on, little buggers.

Ahhh!

Oh...

No!

Oh, God.

Stop!

Oh, God.

Arghh!

Watch out for those little robots.

Hmm, what's happened there?

Yeah, nothing.

No!

Sorry!

Yes!

I've stopped the clock. Thank you, Daisy.

Where's it gone?

Did anything touch the little robots?

Oh.

I did.

Yay!

Now, Katherine... Yeah? I'm not going to stop the clock yet.

Do you remember what the task was? Chicken had to be on it.

Yeah. It's number two, isn't it?

Well, all the information's on the task.

Yeah, it's in the bin.

It's number one.

Oh, God.

No! Where's it going?!

I didn't do that! You didn't do it?

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Well done, Katherine, you've completed the course.

I hate robots.

Androids.

Anything futuristic. Yeah, I do.

If that's what the future looks like, it can fuck off. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, it isn't what the future looks like. No.

I had a remote control car as a child, and I'm 100.

I don't drive.

No!

No, which I do think is relevant,

and you might want to take into consideration.

I mean, I just wrote down...

"Katherine's driving licence should be taken off her."

Right. Never had one.

Well, Daisy was very fast round the course, 3 minutes 23.

I think she would have won a lot of...

new Remote-Controlled Caddy Chicken Swap fans.

However... Ah, bollocks.

But she's disqualified. Cos she hit the mini robots. Oh...

She did hit the mini robots. She didn't care!

No! Nooo!

Katherine, on the other hand, was very slow and disqualified as well.

She took over quarter of an hour. Over... I was a quarter of an hour?!

Oh, yes. LAUGHTER

It went very quickly.

It did not.

So points-wise, Greg, we've got five points for Mawaan Rizwan, obviously.

Obviously. Obviously.

We've got four points for Johnny, three points for Richard.

That's right. But what about these ladies?

They were disqualified. Zero points to Daisy and Katherine.

May I see a scoreboard, please? You may.

At one end, we have Daisy with two,

- but at the other, it's Mawaan with 10! - Wow!

Ooh, wow, look at that! Strong start.

Quite! How about a new task? Good shout.

And this one's a lovely, complicated team one.

Oh, hello! Hello, Richard.

Hello, Mawaan. Hey, Alex.

Shall I open this? Yes, please.

Is that going to self-destruct?

"Tell your team-mate what is in this safe."

"You may speak into this microphone

"and they will hear your message played backwards."

"You have ten minutes to open the safe and record your message.

"The most accurate answer wins. Your time starts now."

There's a mic in here?

So that is a cassette deck. What's that?

There is a facility there to record yourself.

I need to open the safe, though.

Rouf, neves,

rouf, neves.

It's the code for the safe.

"Oeuf, leven, oeuf..."

Fou.. Four.

So if it's four seven four seven, it's seven four, seven four.

Oh, good.

It's seven four seven four.

Right, I get it. Backwards talking task.

They had to record a message for their team-mates

to say what they'd discovered in the safe,

and that message was going to be played backwards to them.

First up, it's the team of three.

Good luck, Johnny, good luck, Katherine. Thank you.

"Decipher the message to work out what is in this safe."

There's a tape recorder, there's a notepad...

MAWAAN, DISTORTED: Cushun... Gireg...

Gu-reg...

Laamb... Lamb? Lamb.

Laamb... That's the only word I understood.

Wore... War?

Hairvane... Heaven.

Wore... Wall?

Cushionnn... Cushion? Hang on.

Ohh!

What if it's something backwards? Let's do it again.

OK, nushuc, nushuc.

..ushun... ushonn.

Is it mission? Hang on.

Cushion or pushing.

..ushon... Pushing... Cushion.

I can't, I just... Push in, push in.

I think it's cushion.

What kind of cushion would you be pushing? Whoopee...

What else does he say?

Gerg.

Gereg.

Grreg.

Gireg. Greg!

It's something about Greg.

Mah-ull.

Mah-ll...

Llaam. Lamb. Lamb.

Lllam. Lamb. Lamb.

Yeah, but we can't go with, like, a mad guess like kebab.

S-niquise.

Seuquin...

You in... Oh, my God.

Euquins...

Right, this is hardly CSI, is it?

Oh, I don't know!

We've got... I've got push in, bury, war, and lamb.

..ushunn. Pushinnn...

Grreg.

Greg. Greg twice. Which means flock in Latin.

Seuquin... of sheep or something.

And he says lamb.

Zeyuquins... You in?

Llaam. Lamb.

It's a lamb on a cushion, that's what we've got.

I think it's a lamb kebab.

I think it's a lamb on a cushion, that's all I...

Yeah, thanks, guys. Oh, man.

It's a sequined cushion.

Oh, my God, that's amazing!

It's Greg with a lamb.

I'm amazed!

I just thought we were so wide of the mark.

You didn't know it was backwards for... a lot of it. No.

But it was really fun to watch.

The only problem was

he managed to explain to them that it was a lamb on a cushion,

but it wasn't, it was an alpaca.

OK, if you want to get technical...

They seemed to do well.

They got a lamb on a cushion,

they didn't get the sequins or you, in the end.

You mentioned Greg a couple of times, but pretty good. Well done!

Well done. OK, that's another part complete.

Alex, do your famous Schwarzenegger impression.

We will be back. We'll be back. We will be back.

Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster.

It's the start of part three,

and time for Alex's recap.

Oh, I didn't know about that!

That is good. Yeah? I thought you'd like it.

That is good. Yes, here it is.

We're currently in the thick of a fiendish backwards task

where one team-mate has to describe the contents of a safe

in a message which will be played backwards to their team-mates.

The team of three had their attempt. We now know that it was

a cushion with a picture of Greg and an alpaca on it,

so all that's left is to watch Richard and Daisy

as they demonstrate their communication stills.

Now, I do a lot of ghost recordings,

so this is one of my specialities,

figuring out what the ghosts are saying.

Eewiet it neuw.

As eq nas erw uh suh eh eh suh.

Sneuquies.

Huh?

So it's just a red pillow with sequins...

Oh, that's nice, it's got the Taskmaster... and a sheep.

Llo... Innow...

Oh. Inner...

Pih el el oh ohw.

Un, un, och...

I mean, is this message actual words, or is it letters?

Ah puss?

Wollip der.

Rrred pillow.

Redd illoww.

Oh, oh...

Low... Hello.

Hello! Oh, hello.

Low...

U-equins...

Snewquies.

Sequins.

Sn-i-ques.

Puh eh eh huh suh.

Us uh eh eh suh.

Ah suh eh uh.

Uh eh ah suh.

Ew ih ens. Sneuquies...

Ha hey... Eh ooh...

S-milkies.

Sequins. Sequins.

Milkies? What's that for?

That sounds like a number. Ilkies?

Hey, it's probably telling me some sort of code!

Seven... Sneuiquis.

Milkies, milkies...

Fuck.

Ah!

Milkies...

I mean, what... That's just mad.

O, N-oh, oh N-oh.

OK, what you think's in the safe, Daisy?

Pair of sunglasses.

Why didn't you put me with Katherine Parkinson?

Well, I don't know where to start.

I mean, thank God you weren't in charge of code-breaking in the war.

We would be waking up to the sound of jackboots.

I mean, interestingly, I genuinely don't know who to blame.

No, it wasn't good. Red pillow was the only thing they came out.

It felt like trying to order in a foreign restaurant.

Milkies?

Well, the trouble is Richard did some forwards and some backwards,

there wasn't a lot of consistency. Well, I've never spoken backwards,

so I didn't know whether it was better to do it forwards

and let you try... Nobody's ever spoken fucking backwards, Richard!

You got oh, oh-N-oh, and milkies.

And in the dying seconds of the task,

you said, "I think this might be a code!"

The team of three did work out there was a cushion...

Yeah, they did... with a sheep on,

or some sort of animal. Right, that's pretty good.

What about giving the most points to either me or Richard

for who you thought was better in the team task?

It's impossible to separate you.

He was bad at his job, and you...

You weren't even speaking. You were just...

I can't give you anything for that!

So zero for Daisy and Richard. Obviously! Obviously zero!

OK, well, that's easy enough. But for these three,

they got quite a bit, didn't they? They did.

All right, I'll give them three points each,

and that's an end to it. Three points each,

and that is the end of it.

I think we should have another task!

I do, too.

And I will now prove it!

"Make the best marble run.

"The marble that rolls for the longest time wins.

"After releasing your marble,

"you may not touch your marble, nor do anything to affect its movement."

"You have 30 minutes, and one official attempt.

"Your time starts now."

Brilliant. I think I'm going to get some pipes.

I have... I've never made a marble run.

Actually, that's the first time I've heard of that as a phrase,

"marble run".

I've never rolled a marble before.

Why not?

I don't know, I just never played marbles as a kid.

That's a shame.

Yeah, well, I had a PS1, so...

Tis a thing of beauty.

This is a contraption that will...

Not only will you see the longest marble run,

it will power this house...

..for two minutes!

Who needs wind...

..when you've got a Vegas marble run?!

I'm sorry, I'm just sorry.

Don't be sorry.

It's good to be ambitious.

Who needs wind? Who...

Who needs wind when you've got a Vegas marble run?

I should explain what a marble run is, in case people don't know.

The only person who doesn't know what a marble run is

is Katherine. "I've never heard of that."

Katherine, a marble run uses gravity

to assist in keeping a marble moving. Yeah.

First of all we're going to see the prep work

of three equally popular cast members.

It's Daisy, Richard and Johnny.

Where can I set up my... my marble run?

It's all the stuff Mother never allowed me to play with!

It rolls off there onto there...

This looks good, this looks good!

Where's the end of the tape gone?

Oh, come on.

That might be it!

Right, that's not going to work.

I once hired a plumber who worked like this.

Yes! Come on! This is getting good!

One minute. One minute...

Right.

Yes!

Yes...

I think we're ready to rock'n'roll.

No more building, please, Richard.

Johnny's the only competitor in Taskmaster history

who looks like he NEEDS things to go well.

I tell you the thing that interested me

is it's such a needy profession, this, isn't it?

You know, sometimes I'll come off set

and I'll say to Alex, "Was I nasty enough?

"Did I victimise anyone enough?"

You know, we all need it, but...

..Daisy doesn't, because Daisy's her own cheerleader.

Just constantly saying, "This is brilliant! I'm so great!"

Do you want to start with Daisy? Oh, yeah, do I!

Cos it's got to be good! She told me it is.

OK, let's see how Daisy's went.

OK, are we ready?

Godspeed.

Yes! Oh, yes!

Keep going, keep going.

Oh...

Yes!

Well done, me.

LAUGHTER And you a little bit.

Thank you, Daisy.

Very good. Very good.

Well done, you.

What was the whole licking-the-marble thing about?

I thought that's what she wanted me to do.

No... She didn't ask you do.

I thought people tended to lick marbles before releasing them. Yeah.

Didn't like it. How did Daisy do?

Pretty good. It went duk duk duk duk duk...

And it carried on rolling for 11 seconds and 21 frames.

Who's next?

Johnny. Oh...

Who needs wind when you've got a Vegas marble run?

Here we go.

Ready?

Three,

two,

one...

Quick! Quick, quick, Alex!

Go on, boy, go on!

Is that it?

Stop the clock.

OK. Well, thanks, Johnny.

I'll take it apart now.

Very good! You are right, though,

I looked far too emotionally invested in that, didn't I?

In all of them, yeah. LAUGHTER

It was pretty good,

and also provided us with the most tragic final tableau of any task

across ten series.

I mean, you weren't actually allowed to affect the ball

after you let go, so luckily it didn't have any effect at all.

Oh, ooh... OK.

So you got away with that.

It was only eight seconds and six frames,

but it did exactly what you wanted it to do.

Well, lastly but not leastly,

at leastly not yetly, it's Richard Keith Harris Herring.

Go on! Ohh...

Oh, I knew it would stop on that!

It was great up to there.

If I'd just let it go down the slope without any of this stuff

it would have gone much further. Ah, well. Thank you, Richard.

Thank you. No, I'm happy, I'm happy. All right, goodbye.

Well, Richard summed it up there, really.

His progress was hampered by all of the work he did.

But he's happy, he's happy.

And he ended up with almost exactly the same time as Johnny.

Slightly longer, though - 8 seconds and 23 frames.

Ohh... So he's in both second and second last.

Time to pause for the last adverts of the show.

When we come back, someone will win

Johnny Vegas's precious porcelain throne,

and a Cornetto.

Hello!

Here we are, then, safely lodged in the last part of the show.

Before the break, the rivals were trying to make a marble roll

for the longest amount of time.

So far we've seen Johnny, Richard and Daisy's attempt so far,

and, so far, Daisy's in the lead with a time of ten seconds so far.

Now his head is the closest in size to the marble -

it's Mawaan. LAUGHTER

What does this, Alex?

Come on, two brains.

I'm going to take this with me, is that all right?

Be very careful with it. I will be really careful.

It's, like, legit glass, innit?

Yeah, shit, OK.

The washing machine.

Is the marble dirty?

No, but the washing machine rolls.

You want to put the marble in the washing machine? Yeah.

That's in, is it? Yep.

Slow spin, delicates...

Delicates? Yeah.

30 degrees. Why?

Just cos it's glass, innit?

OK, I'm going to turn it on. Good luck.

Oh... It hasn't started rolling yet,

I'll start the clock when it starts rolling. OK.

Oh! It's rolling. It's doing it.

60 minutes.

OK. Well, I guess I'll stay and watch.

Oh! Ooh... Ooh. That didn't sound great.

And I'll let you know what time you get.

Thank you, Mawaan. Great. OK. Pleasure, man.

Let me know when you need me to break another household appliance.

All right. Thank you, Mawaan.

Clever... in principle.

Go on. Read the task out to me again, please.

"Make the best marble run.

"The marble that rolls for the longest time wins."

Right. I don't know whether anyone wants to debate with me

but I feel it was rolling.

But you did point out that once my marble had stopped,

if I'd have moved it with the leaf blower, it wouldn't have counted.

It does say, "After releasing your marble,

"you may not touch your marble nor do anything to affect its movement."

What you said at the end. I didn't do anything.

He released the marble then put the machine on,

- so he did something in order to... - Yes.

I hadn't even thought of that. It is true.

You lot are turning against me!

I'm just glad he said it. After all I've done for you!

And when it comes to sticking to the rules,

I've been a real arsehole this series.

And if I wasn't an arsehole to you,

it would look like I favoured you because you're young

and you've got so much in front of you, so much hope.

But don't kill that hope.

I'm not going to kill the hope,

I'm just going to make the hope realistic about expectations.

I'm tempted to give him one of my rarely-handed-out bonus points.

Well, you could think about it a bit more. Yeah...

We've got one more person to see.

Katherine Parkinson's attempt. Yes, please. Here it is.

We are cooking with gas...

No, we're not, that's not going to work at all.

That's quite pleasing. I mean, that's a marble run.

This is great.

Well...

So we'll just try and raise it gently.

I'm nervous that my official go will go wrong,

so I'd like to get it done.

OK, I'm going to start the timer when you've released the marble.

Good luck. Thanks.

I've stopped the timer. Thank you. That was fun.

Thank you for your marble run, Katherine. Goodbye. Bye!

Well, well...

That was brilliant.

Wow. That is your finest work...

..this series.

The only one.

I genuinely thought that reaction

is what I'd get for the washing machine.

I imagined everyone just would stand up and applaud.

You sort of did get that, but then Katherine so overshadowed it

I now think the washing machine thing's shit!

I did... It's awful, it's so fickle, isn't it?

It took the same length of time it takes me

to do my laces, my buttons and my hair. 32.4 seconds.

Oh, wow. It's a long time. Wow.

She'd never even heard of a marble run,

and she created the greatest...

Sometimes you need someone just to come in from the outside. Fresh.

Yeah. OK, well, Katherine gets the five points.

Daisy second with four points.

Richard, three, Johnny, two.

But what are we going to do with Mawaan?

Give him nothing. Not even one?

Lazy. You said bonus point!

Yeah, I know, but I've seen that, now.

Does he not even get one for coming last?

I've got the rest of my life ahead of me!

If you keep talking like that, I'm going to give him a minus point.

So he's disqualified, in the end.

Yeah! From the whole show!

Quick look at the scores before the final task?

Yeah, well... Mawaan is in the lead, with 13 points.

Next generation, baby!

OK, please stand up and get ready for the final task of the show!

Hi, baby. Hi, baby.

Who is going to read the task for us?

Daisy May Cooper. Please.

"Communicate to the taskmaster the item on your card.

"You may only make noises.

"You may not use any actions, or anything that sounds like a word.

"Slowest communicator each round is eliminated.

"Last communicator standing wins."

They've just got to use noises,

so they're going to be holding their umbrellas in front of them

to stop them gesturing.

First round, animals. Lovely.

It's down to you to guess them.

So if you want to look, Daisy, at your card number one.

Good luck. Your time starts...

Oh, God!

A seal?

Oooooooh!

A wolf?

Wooooh!

Woooooh! Wooooh!

I think she's giving birth.

Ooooooh. Elephant?

Correct! WHISTLE BLOWS

Jesus, that is the worst elephant of all time.

What noise would you have made?

I'd go... TRUMPETING NEIGH

Exactly what I did, then.

Basically.

OK, so Johnny, you're up next.

OK, here we go. WHISTLE BLOWS

Aah, aah, rruhh, rrruh...

Yeeeurgh.

A tiger.

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah. A donkey?

Ah, unh, unh, unh, unh.

A mule?

I haven't got a fucking clue.

A hen?

A fox?

58 seconds.

Daisy is now through to round two.

OK, here comes Katherine.

Good luck. WHISTLE BLOWS

Ehh!

Oww!

Eh!

A chick, a baby chick.

Eh-eh, ehw!

A mouse?

Ouw, euw, euw!

A puppy.

Ow. Ow.

Yes, stick with the same strategy, yeah.

A crow?

It's not coming out as I want it to come out!

A calf?

Aouw. Eouw? It's not a land animal.

It's a sea animal?

Ouw!

A seagull? Auw, auw, auew!

No, it's in the water.

How am I supposed to know what an underwater animal sounds like?

Well, it's one that's got quite a distinctive noise,

but it's not this. LAUGHTER

A lobster. No.

Auw.

Dolphin? It's a dolphin, obviously.

Yes!

Now who can't do a dolphin impression?

Katherine Parkinson. Right.

OK, so Mawaan, if you can do this in under two minutes five seconds,

you make it through. LAUGHTER

HE SIGHS I mean, good luck.

Why don't I just start listing animals? You'll still win.

Here we go. Good luck, it's not easy.

Tika-tika-tuk, tika-tika-tika-tuk,

took-took-took... A kookaburra.

A piglet?

A pig.

A hedgehog. Kih-kih, kih-kih, kih-kih...

Cricket.

WHISTLE BLOWS It is a cricket!

He was virtually saying cricket.

I was not! Also, a lot of animals are named onomatopoeically,

so I can't help it.

Right. It's true, they are.

Under two minutes and five seconds will see you through

to the next round, Richard, your time starts...

A chicken. WHISTLE BLOWS

- Good, you've made it. - Fucking hell. That was easy!

You're through to round two. We've lost Katherine Parkinson.

Round two, you'll be pleased to hear, is machines.

Oh, great.

Richard to go first.

Gears. A gearbox.

Ffft-ffft-ffft... Ffff.

The Camelot machine that announces the lottery.

Khh-khh. A stapler.

One minute five for a stapler. Please rotate.

That was hard. Chicken was easy, I'll give you that.

OK, you ready for this one, Daisy?

Good luck, Taskmaster.

Oo-oo oo-oo, oo-oo-oo.

Oh, no, a fax machine!

WHISTLE BLOWS Well done.

That was very good. Wow.

That was class.

Very good. Good luck, Johnny.

Your time starts...

Train.

A sewing machine.

Awop-wop-wop-wop-wop...

Oh.

Ah tugi-tugi-tugi-tugi...

It's a boat.

LOW SCREECH An aeroplane.

It's not an aeroplane. A helicopter?

WHISTLE BLOWS Really?!

Yeah! Did you get it?

Yeah, ages ago.

Bullshit. LAUGHTER

So the last machine, it's Mawaan.

Bip. Bip bip. Bip. Bip.

Nnnnnnnn...

Ting!

Microwave. WHISTLE BLOWS

33 seconds, he's through, and we've lost Richard Herring.

So it's round three, and we're moving on

to food types.

Right, good luck, Mawaan, your time starts...

Splassh...

That is a funky fruit.

Mm! Hom, hom, hom...

An apple?

Psss...

kehh.

Prrrr.

Pschuuh.

Haumph, haumph, haumph, haumph.

It's not a banana? No, it's a breakfast item, I'll give you that.

Oh...

Crunching..

Cornflakes. Yeah! WHISTLE BLOWS

It was so obvious it was cornflakes.

OK, 1 minute 38 to beat. Off we go.

Stpou! Ptrmp, ptrmp, pop.

Oh, a lovely sausage.

It is a lovely sausage.

What?! Very good, very good, Daisy. Very good. Very nice.

Will Johnny join Daisy in the final? Your time starts...

Oh, spaghetti. WHISTLE BLOWS

Johnny's through to the final!

You've reached the final,

and it's musical instruments this time.

Oh, easy. Good luck, Johnny.

Your time starts...

Tt-tiss, tt-tiss, tt-tiss.

Hi-hat.

Boom, boom, boom, boom.

A one-man band.

Tish, tish, tish, tish.

Drum kit.

Boom, boom, boom, boom. LAUGHTER

Erm... Tambourine.

It is a tambourine.

23 seconds. Wow, very good.

It's good, but it's get-able.

It's definitely get-able, and I'm up against the best.

23 seconds to win the task.

Good luck, Daisy. WHISTLE BLOWS

Piano.

Ooh ooh ooh ooh!

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh...

A harp.

WHISTLE BLOWS It is a harp!

With 17 seconds, Daisy is the winner! Yes!

That was good!

Come back down, we'll add it to the final scores.

Thank you, Greg.

Very good. That must have shaken things up.

It has shaken things up.

I must say that my baby was going absolutely mental inside my stomach.

I can tell you some numbers now, if you want. Please.

Well, series-wise, it's as close as it's ever been.

We've got Katherine on 90 points.

There is a slight gap, now, sorry, Katherine,

to Richard and Mawaan, on 106.

Johnny now in second place on 109,

Daisy on 116.

So just ten separating four people.

But this week's episode is not won by anyone yet.

It's a tie-break between Mawaan and Johnny, who both got 16 points!

Ooh! Ooh! APPLAUSE

Tie-break... How are we going to decide, Alex?

With a tie-break that will answer the age-old question, Greg,

because they had to work out

how many sheets there are on a loo roll in 30 seconds.

Closest wins.

So here's how they got on.

Um...

I think 300 something.

Come on...

16 seconds left.

Two... four, six, eight...

360...

One, two, three, four...

Ahh...

Er, 280. OK.

Two eight zero. Yeah.

Very different techniques. Wow...

I was not expecting 280 as a guess.

It's so specific, compared to the madness of his process.

Johnny guessed 280 sheets, Mawaan guessed 403 sheets.

The correct answer is...

220 sheets!

Johnny wins!

Oh, man!

It was a reliable technique after all! Incredible.

Johnny wins.

Please go and rejoice with your top-heavy things!

Enjoy that toilet!

First-time winner!

So what have we learned today?

If you're compiling your all-time bucket list,

please don't forget to complete the magical swimming with dolphins.

Mew, mew, mew... LAUGHTER

Bye for now, everyone, but hello for now, once again,

to today's winner. It's Johnny Vegas!

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