Original subtitles

BRAVO FILMS PRESENTS

Downloaded from YTS.MX

A FILM MADE WITH GOD'S SUPPORT

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

WITH MIRCEA BRAVO

BUT ALSO WITH MARIA POPOVICI

AND ESPECIALLY WITH COSTEL BOJOG

DEATH ON HOLIDAY

You go in?

Sure, I'll go in and you'll stay up here and watch the woman shovel.

Take this!

What is it? What is it?!

A WEEK EARLIER

Mrs. Rodica?

Mrs. Rodica?

Adrian!

My respects. I brought your groceries.

Here's your rent money, and thank you very much.

I told you to call me simply Rodica. Is it that hard?

Sure, Rodica.

You're having a coffee!

I can't stay, I'm in a bit of a rush.

I won't take no for an answer. You are having a coffee with me today!

Have a seat, Adrian!

What a nice place you have set up here!

You must've had huge problems with the laborers, right?

Do you like it?

Yeah, it seems it's job done properly, no shoddy work here.

Let's take a tour!

Come quickly! Come!

So?

Well... yeah...

I like that it's bright. I see no damp corners and...

Is the house insulated?

Insulated? It's super insulated!

We can shout, nobody will hear us.

Is that the balcony?

Is it facing South?

What a beautiful view you have here!

Right. I can see straight into your bedroom.

Adrian, I've been thinking...

If the rent is too high for you, we can negotiate.

Downwards.

- Downwards? - Yes, I mean really down.

Oh, I dropped my phone!

Oh, dear!

Is it broken?

It is, but that's okay.

I was expecting a call from the bank. I have to leave anyway.

So sorry. I need to make it up to you.

Remind me to take less money from you next time.

The rent. I'm her tenant.

And don't forget to bring a bottle of wine!

Oh, dear!

What are you doing here?!

I'm just... hanging out. What the hell you think I'm doing?

- What happened? - Won't you take me down first?

What is this mess?

I had guests.

And they were a bit messy.

What did we agree? I said I'd let you stay a couple days.

We are family, but don't ruin my place!

You think I invited them here?

They found out where I live, and they came for money.

And then?

They got angry they couldn't find any money.

Didn't you promise to quit playing on slot machines?

But I didn't bet my money.

We bet borrowed money.

You're out of this place by Friday! And clean it up in 30 minutes!

Bet you 100 I can clean up in 25 minutes?

Good bet, fair!

It is your fault. You shouldn't have taken him in.

He's my cousin. What could I do?

He's a bit different, he's... special.

He never worked a day in his life.

He's all about hook-ups. He tried them all.

- Hi, guys! - Hello!

I'm Mihăiță, his cousin.

- Cristi. Nice to meet you. - Delighted.

- How's it going? - What are you doing here? Done cleaning?

- On a Sunday?! - Today is Wednesday.

Oh, is it Wednesday? How time flies!

If it's Wednesday, keep the fat away!

Cheers!

So good!

You're not having a beer? Why keep your mouth dry?

Go buy yourself a beer!

Why this angry look? Who upset you?

You know what my cousin's favorite drink is?

Virgin tonic.

Adrian's such a loser that...

after losing her virginity, he went looking for it.

Tell us about your first date with a girl.

When will it be?

Sorry.

- What is it? - Here's a contract to sign.

- Anything else? - Some apartments and a will.

A will! You know what?

Sign them yourself. I'm leaving early.

Can I leave a little early today?

I have a doctor's appointment.

My dear Adi, if you think you work too hard, just tell me!

Yeah... I thought I'd tell you.

Then let's do this...

We can bring someone else who really wants to be a notary

and who really wants to work.

No way, don't get me wrong.

I am more than totally involved.

I have a herniated disk... but that can be taken care of.

- Can it? - Sure.

Great. Good luck then! Bye!

Thanks so much for everything. Hugs and kisses.

Kisses, Rodica. Thanks for the wine. See you.

The old lady is the best! I think I'm moving in.

What are you doing here?

Why, am I not allowed? Is she underage or what?

- Watch out, she's dangerous! - Perfect! Just the way I like them.

You know what's cool about her? She has an open heart.

- An open heart? - Yes, three times.

She's had three heart operations, plus two heart attacks.

Don't mock the poor woman!

Poor? She has five houses, two apartments and a parking space.

- Five houses? - Indeed.

And guess what! No husband, no offspring, nor high standards.

What more could you ask for?

You should mind your own business!

Don't ruin my relationship with her! I can never find better rent.

Please.

Adrian, we need to talk about your rent.

We'll have to raise it.

The guesthouse in the back needs investment.

Add some more!

More!

Raise it even more, Mihăiță! It's too small!

My rent, please don't!

Wake up! Wake up!

Hugs and kisses, darling. Bye!

- Adrian, how are you? - Hi, Rodica!

I came to see how are you doing.

Take a seat! I'm so glad you came.

I saw my cousin Mihăiță has come by.

So?

If bothers you, I apologize.

He's a bit... you know...

On the contrary. Mihăiță is a sweetheart.

A wonderful person!

Did you call me? Oh, Adrian!

What an exciting surprise!

Fancy a cup of coffee?

I've made a strong one. It'll make your heart pound.

Yeah, make me a cup of coffee.

Let's see how strong you can make it.

Have you changed your hairstyle? You look fabulous.

I did my hair a little. Mihăiță invited me to the opera tonight.

Mihăiță... at the opera?!

What's playing at the opera tonight?

"Triple Lucky 7s"?

See? This is how he spoils me every day.

Sweet little pumpkin!

The truth is... with a companion like you, I'd go to the opera too,

Join us!

Yeah!

Fine, I'll come too.

Security!

Nooo!

Weren't you a slave at work today?

It's Saturday. Shouldn't you have moved out already?

- I'm working on it. - Work, that's new for you.

- Good morning! - Morning, guys!

- What a splendid morning! - A great morning.

- This is Patricia. - Hi!

- Mihăiță. - Nice to meet you.

- He is Adrian. - Nice to meet you.

How did the two of you...? What do you do?

I'm a real estate agent.

Oh, houses and stuff...

Yes. Houses, apartments, houses...

A few years ago, Patricia helped me sell two apartments.

And since then I've stayed...

- Best friends. - Best friends.

Best friends.

- And how come you're visiting us? - I came to pick up Rodica.

Take her from us?

We're going on holiday in Greece today.

Yassou! Opa nina nai...

Guys, while I'm away in Greece, will you look after the house?

- Oh, sure. - No problem.

- You're leaving us the key, right? - Nope.

Just look at it... from time to time.

Okay, I'll definitely take a look.

I look at it every day anyway.

- Where are you going in Greece? - Poros. It's an island.

- Porous? Never heard of it. - You couldn't have.

Not many Romanians go there, that's why we're going.

- Are you moving out? - I'm off to Greece.

- Greece?! - Poros.

I hear it's really cool down there.

Not many people go there.

And how did you plan to go to Poros?

By car.

Whose car? You don't have a car.

No. No way!

- No, don't even try! - Adi, wait!

It'll be cool.

We'll take turns. I'll drive more.

You're wasting your time.

You took care of Rodica for so long. Don't let that bitch take her away!

Do you find it fair?

You invested and she is taking advantage.

Not fair!

Come on! Let's get Rodica back!

Greece, baby, Greece!

Poros! Poros!

Greece, Greece! Poros, Poros!

- What are you doing? - Don't worry, I've taken enough.

- Wasn't it your turn to drive? - No. I'm driving on the way back.

You outbound, me inbound.

So I'll drive 15 hours non-stop, right?! That's your math.

Relax, cousin. Your buddy's here to help you.

I'm the best co-pilot ever.

I have stories, I'll play you energy music...

And I have jokes! Lots of jokes.

I'll kill him, I swear!

My baby, I learned Romanian for you

I love you so much I'll take you to the moon

For you I'll sing like Niko Vertis

You are my life, you are my life...

Great!

Come on, man, what's with that face? We're on holiday!

Look how cool this is! A civilized place, not like in Romania.

Move it, pleb!

He doesn't understand. Come on, let's go!

Rodiiicaaa!

In order to find Rodica, we need to think like Rodica.

How does Rodica think?

"Mihăiță darling, where are you? Who will I leave all my houses to?"

Come on, stop fooling around!

"Oh, Adrian, you're too soft. Why?"

Where would Rodica go in Greece?

- In Poros! - In Poros, but where?

If I were Rodica and had money,

I'd go bet at the casino.

That's what you would do, but what would she do?

"I'm Rodica and I'll gamble my money at the casino. Yassou! Opa nini na!"

Here's a casino! See you there, bye!

Wait!

Try the red one!

The Special Patrol is in!

Hey, sweetheart!

Rodi, you are so tanned...

You're getting younger!

Stop your compliments, you're killing me!

God forbid! How could I kill you?

What a coincidence, meeting here.

You didn't say anything about coming here.

I had a bit of free time and you gave us a good idea.

I've longed to get here.

Cut the bullshit, I got it.

We don't want to disturb the two of you.

Patricia, do you mind if the boys stay with us in the villa?

Of course not, I'd really like that.

My heart beats only for you

Nothing else matters When you're by my side

Gorgeous. Excellent! Score 10+!

I could listen to your voice all night!

And me, all my life.

Happy birthday to you

- Is it her birthday? - 1000 years old?

Happy birthday!

Today is our 1000th day since we've known each other.

Patricia, Patricia, Patricia!

What a wonderful person you are!

Thank you. I know, it's just the way I am.

- My respects. Hello! - Hello!

I heard you speaking Romanian. Where are you from?

- We are from... - No speak Romanian.

Off you go, grandpa! There are already three of us and only one spot.

Do you like it?

Mihăiță...

Mihăiță...

Not really floating your boat, hah?

For Adrian,

who never banged anything except toys on the side of the bathtub.

For Mihăiță, who is so ugly,

that you can unlock his phone with your ass.

That hurt, it hurt my ass.

For Adrian.

He's like an electronic cigarette with women.

He doesn't burn them, just heats them up.

To Mihăiță,

who has more birthdays than days worked overall.

Touché!

Work, don't beg!

For Adrian.

He knows what women want, that's why he leave them alone.

Who is the last woman you talked to?

The phone assistant of the electricity company?

Who is the last man that you didn't answer his call?

To the loan shark 1 or loan shark 2?

For Adrian.

His first kiss was when he kissed his boss's ass.

Bottoms up.

To Mihăiță, nicknamed "The Extension"

as he is he's always plugged in the slot machines.

That's not why they call me "The Extension".

Come into the water, I'll show you!

Enough with your expired jokes.

- Right. For Patricia... - Spare me, please.

...who is very pretty. And for Rodica,

who fell asleep from your expired jokes.

Rodica, are you asleep?

Rodica!

I can't take the glass out of her hand.

- Rodica! - No pulse.

Rodica!

- What should I do? - Mouth-to-mouth breathing.

You do it!

- You do it, she's your best friend! - You called her "baby"!

She's right...

I can't.

You killed her!

Adrian killed her with his bad jokes.

You killed her with your good jokes.

- What are you doing? - Calling 112.

- You can't call an ambulance. - Don't call!

Let's think about this for a moment.

I can't think on an empty stomach. Let's go somewhere to eat,

because we may spend hours at the police station.

This is serious, man.

The old biddy is dead.

The old biddy?

You used to call her your best friend.

You know how much I invested in this relationship, sucker?

You killed her, so at least shut up!

But it's your fault, you brought her to Greece.

You could have taken her to old little Techirghiol.

Stop fighting! There are more important things right now.

Where are we going to eat?

This sandwich is pure gold!

Pure gold!

It's not so bad to die in Greece,

in the canopy by the sea, over a fine drink,

and a good joke of Mihăiță. What more could you ask for?

- Please stop! - You fools!

6.9 million euro,

that's what all her properties were worth, after fees and charges.

Now all this money goes to the state. Do you understand?

- Is that true? - Legally, yes, if he has no offspring.

He doesn't.

- Doesn't he? - She doesn't.

I told you.

Plus 30,000 euros, that we'll pay for repatriation, just so you know.

- 30,000. - 30,000 for suckers.

- I know a guy who can do it for 3,000. - Do you?

Yeah, I can do it. Give me 3,000 and I'll take her.

But we can take her back to Romania and declare her death there.

And then we'll find a guy...

a man to help us prepare a favorable will.

Don't look at me. I don't do this kind of things.

Why? Isn't this a good time for you

to get 2.3 million euros into your account?

- I don't do that! - You mean you don't want money?

Wait, I have a plan!

We are in spot G, Greece. Here, spot R.

Rodica?

No, Romania. You can't even read a map.

And we're taking Rodi – dead body from Greece to Romania. Simple.

That's a very good plan.

But we have a tiny problem: crossing a sea and two borders.

We'll cross the sea by ferry and the border won't be scary.

- All set - And how will be we carry her?

- In Adrian's car. - Hell, no!

Wait a minute, please. What will we carry her in?

We're taking her in a...

I don't know, we'll find a way.

You lost me at the notary business.

I'm not giving you my car, is that clear?

- I have the keys. I'm driving. - Give me the keys !

- I'm driving on the way back anyway. - Patricia, come back!

Don't be silly!

You stay with Rodica.

I'm joining Patricia to think of a solution.

Start thinking about spending two million euro!

2.3 million euro!

Come back!

- There we go. Don't you like the color? - Indeed, the color is the problem...

Not you being stupid.

- Kalimera! - Mera!

What do you think?

- What's that? - Accommodation for the granny.

I got her a shark style carrier.

- How could we put her in that? - Carefully.

With dignity, with respect.

Grannie in the shark Ta da ta da da da

Grannie shark Ta da ta da da da

Please, stop!

You didn't get the joke. "Shark", the animal, in English.

So Grannie in the shark carrier. Grannie Shark...

Come on, it's a good one!

To heaven together we rode... To heaven together we rode, Rodica...

Shut up!

- It's a quarter past. - A quarter past?

The last ferry leaves in half an hour.

Step on it!

Oh dear, grannie got scattered!

I told you to tie her up!

- How could I tie her up? - Carefully.

With dignity, with respect.

- Where's Mihăiță? - He said he needed the restrooms.

Where are the restrooms?

Come into the water, it's great!

It's so good!

What are you doing?!

It would be a pity not to swim while we are in Greece.

If we miss the ferry because of you, you'll climb up next to Rodica!

They don't leave without us.

Hurry up!

There, you see? You've stressed yourself out.

It's coming.

Are you blind? Can't you see it left?

You mean they left without us?!

The good part is we're have time for another dip.

Which reminds me... Let's go eat!

I'll kill him! Enough for me!

This is Greece in your mouth. Take a bite!

- This is the real thing! - No, thank you.

Come on, enjoy life! Stop pulling these sad faces.

You sound like you guys are the dead ones.

If you don't shut up, I'll stab you with this knife.

Fine...

I'm going to the restroom until you calm down.

- Where are you going? - To the restroom.

To the toilet, the bathroom, the loo. Stop panicking.

How bout we run away and leave him here?

No chance, he'll be waiting for us at the ferry tomorrow.

After we get the ferry, we can get rid of him.

You got the car and the signature, I've got you under my thumb.

We'll split it 50/50. Here comes the moron!

- My partners in crime! - Don't be so loud.

I had a great idea in the bathroom!

Let's take killer nicknames, like Bonnie and Clyde.

Those were their real names, Bonnie and Clyde.

Really? So stupid!

That's why they got caught, because they used their real names.

We'll change tactics, we'll get ourselves code names.

Tom and Jerry, Tom and Jerry. No, that's only two names.

Revolt leaders Horea, Cloșca and Crișan.

I'm going for a cigarette or else I'll beat him up.

Cloșca "the hatching hen" left the nest. Mission failed.

- You failed! - Cloșca has taken flight. Over and out.

The hatching hen is driving me nuts.

There's something about her that I don't like.

And I don't trust people who don't laugh at my jokes.

And she's a real estate agent.

How could we trust agents? Police agents, secret agents...

- Thermal agents. None can be trusted. - What do you want from me?

Let's keep money in the family! Let's divide 6.8 million by two!

- How much per man? 4! - 3.4 million.

- Almost 4. - Don't you understand she's got us?

What do you say we kill her too?

But I won't carry it.

I hope I haven't offended you about the Cloșca thing.

- You're the only girl in the group. - Cloșca was a man.

- Was he a man?! - Yes.

You mean, "Cloșca" was his name, in his identity card?

If you want, we'll switch. You are Crișan, and Adrian is Cloșca.

Or we can find a cheaper notary. Seriously, it doesn't seem normal to me

to give so much money to Adrian... Crisan... Cloșca!

Let's get rid of him!

Are we done with the hook-ups?

Either we continue together and we take 2.3 million each,

or we surrender now, call the police

and put us in jail for trafficking human remains.

- I vote for the money. - Me too.

Great.

Horea.

- Horea. - Cloșca.

Crișan.

Rodica!

- How long till we get into the country? - 14 hours.

Until tomorrow evening we must be in the country.

On Tuesday Rodica's tenants are bringing the rent.

If we take her to the country and declare her dead there,

we need alibis.

I'll find a guy to solve it. What are those?

Proof that we weren't with her when she died.

Rodica died in Romania.

We are in Greece, having fun, having a good time.

Let it show it. Come on!

Kalimera, kalispera, my followers, my fans!

We are here, at the end of the world.

We're in Greece, my friends! So clearly not in Romania.

We are in Greece from July 12 to July 15,

12 to 15 July. I'm in Greece

with my cousin Adrian, with Patricia, our girlfriend.

We came to Greece on holiday. No hate, my friends.

Greece. We surely are in Greece.

Here's souvlaki. Pork, the Greece style.

Authentic tzatziki. We are here from July 12 to July 15.

No more, no less. At the end of the world, Greece.

Greece on out table, in spirit, olives... the drone...

Here, look! Where else could you see that guitar?

Greece, my friends. We're here to have fun.

Kalimera! Zorba!

No, no. We are in Greece. Check out the colors of Greece, blue and white.

Mihăiță is sending you kisses you from Greece.

See you in Romania!

Is that how you want to pose for the picture?

There we go! Sexy Adrian, breaking women's hearts!

Break the grannies' hearts!

I wonder how much the electricity bill is.

Already stained?!

We're fine. We crossed the sea, so we are almost in Romania.

- Yes, we only have two borders left. - No problem.

I know a guy at the customs, he'll help us with everything.

- Which customs? - In Satu Mare.

- That won't help us much. - Not you, but he can surely help me.

Once I brought a carton of cigarettes into the country.

We have a dead body to take into the country.

I know what we should do, we call it relics.

- Relics? - Yes, fresh sacred remains.

St. Rodica, patron saint of tenants.

But the way the sun is shining, shouldn't we protect it?

- Let's apply SPF screen! - I don't think it's helping anymore.

- Let us wrap her in tinfoil. - Let's wrap you in tinfoil!

I'm out of gas. We need a refill.

You are my life You are my life

You are my life You are my life

- At least we're lucky and it's raining. - Can't you see it's sunny?

It's raining on my side.

Mihăiță, did you lock the shark up tight?

Very tight, airtight.

Airtight you said!

Don't buy that! The sun is too strong, they will melt in no time.

What else can we do?

We'll put Rodica in the back seat,

turn the air conditioning up and put her back at the border.

You mean, on the back seat with me?

Isn't the death seat the one next to the driver?

I'll take these back.

Really now?

Fine, then...

Trying to get yourself as stiff as she is?

The grannie is gone! She is gone!

Wait! Wait!

Grannie's waiting, listen to what I say Don't get high, she'll scythe you away

Come on, Adrian, faster!

The loot is gone The challenge is on

Grannie's waiting Listen to what I say

Don't get high, she'll scythe you away

Play it loud, no fear So the whole street can hear

I have a question.

If we catch them and convince them to pull over, shall we fight them?

We tell them to give us back our grannie.

We are killers. They're some poor thieves.

They'll freak out when they see what we've done.

That's why they are run away.

No way, he's stopping our car, instead of stopping the thieves?

Of course, we are killers.

Shut the fuck up!

Just said goodbye to 7 million euros!

Here it is! No, that's a Dacia.

- It can't be far. - It can't be near.

You mean, if you're a thief, you just sit and wait?

Stop it! Let's take a look everywhere and that's it.

Everywhere. You mean... everywhere?

Let's just get out of this jam. Shut up, you're not helping.

So I'm driving, but not helping.

OK, thanks for driving. If you could just do that.

I have to shut up in my own car!

It's no use, we'll never find it.

In order to find her, we need to think like an old lady.

Like a dead old lady.

In order to find her, we need to use our brains.

Let's think like a Greek thief! If I were a Greek thief...

- You'd go to the slots. - The slots, of course.

That's where we found Rodica.

- Yes, but she was alive back then! - So?

Listen up. We need to find a car.

Let's all three take different directions!

Let's ask the people on the street!

Exactly. Like Scooby-Doo.

Yeah, like Scooby-Doo. Let's do it!

God help!

- Kalispera! - Yassou!

No, thank you! Never!

It's me being paranoid. What if they are Bulgarian mafia

and want to take grannie's money?

Stop, there's no such thing as Bulgarian mafia.

Even if they existed, they'd be in a pickle.

But still, as cool as a cucumber.

I'm sure they're some penniless crooks

who thought we had expensive clothes in the shark-shaped case.

What if border control found Rodica?

They don't stop anyone, can't you see how smooth it's going?

There's these guys in front of us with the shark on top.

They've crossed in no time.

They stop and check you out only if you're really shady.

Patricia!

- They're not mine. - Rodica, young at heart.

I think we have a great good plan.

We're looking for a car with Bulgarian plates... in Bulgaria!

In Bulgaria!

Yeah, it's like looking for a car with Bulgarian numbers in Romania.

That's the third old lady I've kissed up and I get nothing.

I visit gorgeous houses and flats every day,

yet I live in a cramped one-room.

At least you have somewhere to stay.

I'll lose both my rented flat and my job.

Same for you.

God forbid I have a job!

I' slave away two months for a commission.

I listen to all their stories about kindergarten children.

I force myself to see their kids' photos, just to pay off my lease.

Could one call that a life?

How dare you two complain?

There are people in this world who have nothing to eat.

Take me, for example, I haven't eaten in three times.

Am I complaining? No, I'm not.

Why are you looking at me like that?

That's why no man will stay around you.

You look disgusted. You are disgusting.

No, I won't stop.

You're staying here.

That's my luggage.

So nice of you, throwing the baggage out.

Yeah, that one is mine.

- Now clean the mess, woman! - What have you just said?

You think I'm afraid of you?

Stop it!

Are you still playing smart?

That's the thieves' car.

- Yeah, for sure. - I mean it, that's the thieves' car!

- But where is our shark? - It was here five minutes ago.

Maybe they took her to the monastery, to bury her.

Adrian, you're coming with me!

Mihăiță, stay here and keep an eye on these two cars.

If they come back early, call us, understood?

Aye, aye, Chief.

Look, they're having a funeral.

It means the pit is ready.

If I were the thieves, I'd put Rodica in that grave.

Then I'd place their dead body over and nobody will ever find Rodica!

Don't you ever think about stuff like that?

- No. - Let's just move on!

You in?

Sure, I'll go in and you'll stay up here and watch the woman shovel.

Take this!

Careful, don't hit her or makeup won't fix it anymore.

What is it? What is it?

Just a rock.

She's not here.

- Where's the BMW? - Where's Mihăiță?

Mihăiță!

- Where have you been? - At the monastery. Where's the BMW?

- Didn't I tell you to watch the car? - I did, for 10 minutes.

Then I thought I'd better come look for them in the monastery.

While I'm here, I thought I'd light a candle for Rodica's soul.

Are you out of your mind? I asked you one thing.

SORRY MEY SHE REST IN PIECE

Look where the Bulgarian mafia was!

They surely were Romanians.

A BMW with Bulgarian plates.

Romanians are nice, admit it.

They stole the wallet, but they left us the documents.

See how lucky you are to have me? I prayed and there's the old lady!

Right, you are St. Michael Chrysostom. Thank you.

Just think, if I hadn't left the car...

Would they still bring her here? Surely not.

- Shall we let her sit here? - No, let's put her in the trunk!

Well... it is too hot in the trunk.

Then she's staying in the back seat and we crank up the AC.

- With whom? - With you!

I'm dying for that...

Exactly. Properly joining the dead.

- Does it feel cold in the back, bro? - She's cool, but definitely not cold.

You can turn the AC up, we're sweating here.

Is it just me or is it blowing warm air?

I think we're out of coolant.

- How far is it to Romania? - Six hours plus the customs control.

- That's a lot. - Too much.

We need to stop for beers.

CAR SERVICE NON STOP

We'd better go. He'll notice we're stressed out...

Listen! Just calm down!

What do you think can happen? You think he comes and asks...

"Hey, you got a dead body in your car?"

How do say dirty panties... or socks?

- Where's the car battery? - I don't know.

- What are you doing? - I know a guy...

Hello, how are you, Dorian?

I'm in Bulgaria.

I've been around Greece a bit, I was in Poros.

Yeah, a really cool resort in Greece, Not many Romanians go there.

10 out of 10. Wonderful, warm water...

Shrimp... so good. Yeah...

Listen, I have a problem with...

On August 16...?

Wow, that's awesome. Congrats!

Wishing you a wonderful life together.

I'll be busy working in August.

But I'll be sure to attend your next wedding.

Listen... Why am I calling you?

I have an A4 A beautiful car, 1.9 TDI...

Electric tinted glass, all automatic. What year?

- The AC! - Right, the AC.

Look, we have a problem with the air conditioning.

Where's the battery? We don't know where the battery is in this car.

Next to the spare.

Let him check this out. He's dead. No, I was just joking...

Where exactly?

Underneath? No, next to it.

Sorry.

There, found it.

We're rodi... I mean, ready.

Adi sweetheart, give your share to Mihăiță

and pass him a beer in the back.

What an asshole!

Where are we? How far to the border?

30 km.

Let's make a plan! We haven't decided what we'll do.

- We'll stop at a gas station. - We are both voting for a restaurant.

I'm craving a watermelon! Let's get a watermelon!

Right. Let's get a watermelon!

I fancy a watermelon.

- Would you have a watermelon? - No.

I have a million euro idea, but I'll give it to you for 500 grand each.

When we get to custom control, you stay in the front seats,

I'll sit with Rodica in the back and we'll make out.

Disgusting.

What will the customs officer do? Is he going to be a jerk and stare?

You know how you can help us? Shut up and let us do the thinking.

I honestly don't see how we could cross without any issue.

Remember the custom control in Greece?

Greece is Greece, Romania is Romania.

We need to hide her.

We can't let her sit in the backseat. Are you out of your mind?

- Where could we hide her? - Best hiding place is in plain sight.

How many times have you lost your phone while actually using it?

I'm not sure it will work.

When my friends and I came back from Greece,

the officer didn't wake up a friend sleeping in the backseat.

- You know why? - Because she was young.

No, moron. We were relaxed.

Customs are like dogs, they can smell fear.

If you're chill, it's fine. Here's the plan.

Adrian, you drive, you are in the front passenger seat

I'll sit with Rodica in the back seat and pretend we're asleep.

Well, at least I will. And that's that!

I'm backing up Patricia's plan.

Let's get a watermelon!

Grannie in the shark Ta da ta da da da

Shut up!

Yes, actually you're right, it's no longer in the shark.

Grannie in the back seat Ta da ta da da da

I'm not arguing with you. You can't cross without all the documents.

What are you doing?! Calm down!

I thought Mihăiță is the family fool, but actually you are!

If we hadn't come back, we'd be in Court, at the hearing now!

You wriggled out of it, buddy.

Men are no real men today, just "chicks" wearing ridiculous pants.

Mind your ovaries, guys, they might catch a cold.

Do you sit down when you pee?

Do you pee sitting down, momma's boy? Tell me!

What am I doing here, with these two guys?

What happened to my life, why have I ended up with them?

Get out of the car! I'll drive.

Get out of the car!

Stop the car!

Bring back the car, Adrian!

Come back!

Damn you!

Wow, I can't believe my ears! Are you from the countryside too?

I shouldn't have trusted anyone. No one!

You are right. Never trust people!

People always take things from you. Machines sometimes give you things.

At 15, when I first came to Bucharest,

everyone laughed at me for being poor and poorly dressed.

I swore to myself that by the age of 30 I'd make money,

buy an apartment and a car and prove them wrong!

At the 10-year school reunion

I took rental car and borrowed sandals.

Don't worry, you're still young. How young are you? 38, maybe 40?

I'm 32.

Really? You don't look your age!

But you're lucky, chubby girls don't need to worry about wrinkles,

their skin is more... stretched.

But rest assured, you do have wrinkles!

Stop crying, you're going to get dark circles under your eyes

and you'll get even more swelled up than you already are.

Stop crying or no driver will pick us up.

Adrian! It's a miracle!

My cousin is back, hurrah!

- Where is your car? - Where is Rodica?

Good one!

You exchanged your Audi for that?

No, I exchanged it for us.

Either we stick together, or we all go to jail.

I don't want to go to jail.

I don't want jail to get inside me.

- Horea. - I am Horea.

- Cloșca. - Crișan.

Rooodicaaa! Come on, let's go!

Adrian, you rock.

Good evening! Your documents, please.

- Please wake your mate up. - Is that necessary? He just fell asleep.

Miss, how do I know he's not dead?

We're not that lucky! Mihăiță, are you dead?

- Wake up! - No, I have no money.

Sir...

- Cristian! How are you? - Mihăiță, is that you?

You no longer work in Satu Mare?

I got transferred. Come and open the truck!

Come on, is that necessary? We know each other well.

That's the problem, we know each other well.

See the officer woke him up? Told you so!

Still in the fruit business?

- That's life. - Got papers for your watermelons?

- What do you mean? - Then we have a problem.

What's up?

Don't be nervous, smile broadly, so we don't get caught.

I think we owe him money.

Hm. I'll rip your head off!

Are they checking the vehicle?

Please pull the car a little further ahead.

Open it!

Give us eight watermelons for me and my colleagues!

This one feels a bit... I was thinking...

instead of giving you eight little watermelons,

how about I give you three big juicy ones?

- Cut the bullshit and give me 10! - Didn't you say 8?

Just do it!

And here's number 10!

Wait, wait a second.

Jesus Christ, Son of God, help us!

If we get out of this, I'm quitting gambling, I swear.

- Isn't that you? - That's me.

Didn't I tell you it was him?

Do another dance like that one!

Enough, you may go.

- Customs control got all fake. - Yes, it's not what it used to be.

We did it!

I got five little houses Which will get me out of debt...

After all this adventure,

we need a real holiday in Poros, full comfort assured.

Let's get one of those cool mansions,

with a pool, a chef, a roulette wheel...

But you promised not to gamble anymore.

I won't gamble. I'll be the dealer, they always win.

I never thought I'd get to say it,

but thank you, I really had fun.

And I thank you.

I really apologize if I did anything wrong.

And I am sorry for the whole monastery thing,

I left the car unattended and thanks to me Rodica is with us again.

And I apologize for the TikTok posts. I have a talent for dancing.

Then I helped cross the border, but I won't insist on that.

- So you want to take all the money? - Is that how well you know me?

I'd say 50 for me and 50 for you. Fair enough.

Get out of here!

I'll get a designer to redecorate the house in Scandinavian style

and I want to build a gazebo out back, a minimalist one, nothing too showy.

A gazebo? That's where I'll build my pool.

A swimming pool? Even a tub is too big for you.

Are you talking about the house downtown?

That's where I'll have my notary practice.

Say that again? I didn't hear it.

- My office premises. - Get out of here!

- Stop dreaming. - Somebody needs to work, you know.

Cut it out, I'm fed up of your expired dreams!

The house will be mine and my husband's.

I don't have a husband yet, but I'll find him at some point.

Dreaming about men! That house will never be yours.

- Think you're good enough for it? - As if you are!

Forgot your origins, the countryside, when you used to milk the cows?

Do you really want to see what it's like?

Are you going to beat me up

Calm down! Are you out of your minds?

I am struggling to drive here...

Stop touching me. Leave me alone!

Hands off!

That's a sign.

Yes, it's a sign... a traffic sign.

Turn off the headlights!

Okay, I'll go open the gate, to take the car inside.

You mean, get the car in the yard?!

Don't forget that that she theoretically died here two days ago.

No one needs to see we're going inside.

No noise, no headlights, no jokes.

Got it?

I'm going to check the small gate.

- How much for the watermelons? - We're closed.

I need a watermelon, I don't need the receipt.

Come on, give me a watermelon!

- Here's a watermelon, 7 lei a kilo. - That much! It's a rip-off!

- Please, just 5 lei. - Have you no shame?!

That's a gift from us. Thank you.

Do I look like a beggar to you?

- Are you crazy? - He wanted a watermelon.

Let him take all of them, it's fine.

Should we remove our fingerprints?

We come here every day, it's normal to have our fingerprints here.

So she died in her sleep?

He died while watching TV.

She was watching "Survivor."

So she didn't survive?

- The Football League? - And died of boredom?

- Or a comedy show? - No, it has to be credible.

The news!

We need to build a story around it,

a logical one that fits.

That's the story, she was watching TV, no idea what she was watching.

Are you out of your mind?

What do you think I'm doing? She's got sand up her ass!

Was she at the seaside or not? Where did the sand come from?

Clean it, but no noise!

How is Your Majesty?

To what do we owe the honor?

Adi dear, you look good in that chair.

- Is it comfortable? - It's awful.

You're so stingy

that you couldn't get yourself a proper chair.

What are you talking about? Let's talk!

I can't. Seeing you is getting me depressed.

You're terrible.

- Hey, Adi! - "Adrian" for you.

Why are you leaving, Rodicuța?

That's a bit too much.

Too much?

Whom are you leaving your house to, Rodica?

Mihăiță, that's enough.

Rodica, thanks for the house. Hugs and kisses.

Don't exaggerate.

You're never happy, no matter what I do.

That's enough.

- May God pardon this sinner. - May God pardon her.

May God pardon her.

The pit is ready. Who's paying?

Adrian, they are calling for you.

- How much do I owe you? - 1000 lei.

- That much? - Do you think it's a lot?

Whoever digs a pit for another man's feet will make money out of it.

It's really sad when no one comes to your funeral.

I hope I don't end up like that.

Never mind, I'll attend unless something comes up.

Don't worry, you'll die first, drinking will kill you.

I fear stress will kill you first.

Fools die fast, moron!

- Calm down! - The real estate agent speaking.

I wanted to be rich But what does it mean to be rich?

To be appreciated or well-dressed

I wanted an income I think it's gonna take time

Nobody can hire me

I don't want a stressful job I'm too happy for money to matter

I think there are several readings of the will today.

Sorry.

Excuse me.

You sit here.

- Hi, are you an inheritor? - Yes, Rodica's.

- Are you a relative? - We were very close.

- But I didn't see you at the funeral. - I don't like funerals.

I wanted to remember her as she was.

- Hello! - Hello!

We're here for the reading of the will of Rodica Stănescu.

Only the persons concerned are asked to remain seated.

Damn leeches!

"I, Rodica Stănescu,

Romanian citizen, born on August 5, 1953,

at the end of my life I name

Mihăiță Crețu, Adrian Frunză and Patricia Caș

to inherit all my movable and immovable property

to be found in my heritage on the date of my death,

and I appoint them residuary legatees,

according to article 1055..."

- I did her nails for free for five years! - Silence, please!

I took her on five holidays with me!

Silence, please!

The three legatees will receive goods totalling 8 million euro, in equal shares.

As legal successors, they also inherit debts,

totalling 9 million euro.

They have 72 hours to accept the inheritance or not.

Thank you. You may leave the room.

- What did she say? - I can't believe it.

That means we have one million left, right?

Yes, the debt.

- Let's just take the house! - We can't.

Let's sue her!

- Adrian! - I'm calculating...

What shall we do?

I say... let's go eat!

Sorry.

So you are the inheritors.

- Inheritors my ass. - We refuse the inheritance.

What you can refuse, because you can't refuse it all.

- Are you saying there are other assets? - No, I mean, other debts.

I'm leaving. This is men's business.

- Are we men now? - Sure, this is not my place.

I won't get in your way.

Miss, we don't discriminate.

- Have a seat. - Fine, then.

Just so you understand... We don't know Rodica.

- It's none of our business. - Now it is.

Debts are inherited.

What amount are we talking about?

- May I ask, out of curiosity. - 300,000 euro.

At least it can be evenly split in three parts.

- This is for you. - Thank you very much.

Is the taxi coming?

- I called, but there's no car available. - What kind of a gentleman are you?

How am I supposed to get home downtown?

You have no one to take you to the city center?

No, I'm alone. No husband, no children.

I'll try to find a car.

- My respects. I'm Mihăiță Crețu. - Elena.

- Adrian Frunză, professional driver. - Elena.

I'm Patricia Caș. We'll take you home, downtown.

ONE WEEK LATER

Here you go! Black and strong, just as Patricia likes them.

Coffee?

This is the fourth coffee you're giving me today.

- You only live once. - Agreed.

If money will ever fall from the sky

I'm gonna let it fall In my wallet

You always do this. You come, put that in my face and then you leave.

In the backseat with me?

Sorry I laughed. Maria made me laugh...

- Don't touch me or I'll get angry! - You're lisping.

I feel like eating it for real.

Oh, Poros!

- Are you stupid? - Yes, I am.

Get out of here!

It's a shitty situation.

Please...

What's he doing? Oh, a video-call.

He's calling his mommy.

Grannie in the spa... In the spa?

Men are not real women today!

...not real women...

Men, not women, Maria. Fuck it!

Oh, my God! I forgot.

Sorry. Pardon me.

- Did I hit you hard? - No.

Fucking truck!

They'll keep this one in the final cut.

She's got sand up her ass...

Sorry.

Money is everything Until you get to have it

So many millions But what can you spend it on?

Money is everything Until you get to have it

So many millions But what can you spend it on?

I wanted to be rich

But I got to be blindfolded They stole from me

I don't know if I can get out of it

They always want something from me Either a car or rent money

They give me their love for money Yet I'm alone and everyone knows it

But I don't attach Much importance to it anymore

Running after money I feel like death on holiday

I wish I could wake up Suddenly on the street

And let money fall Yeah, let it fall

If money will ever fall from the sky

I'm gonna let it fall In my wallet

I'm gonna get me a Ferrari Just to look at it...

Subtitle translation by: Ligia Soare