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1
00:00:08,095 --> 00:00:09,835
♪ Whoa
2
00:00:09,879 --> 00:00:12,055
All right.
Looks like we win this round.
3
00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:14,536
We win this round?
They got the weapon!
4
00:00:14,579 --> 00:00:17,017
Oh, fine.
Call it a tie.
5
00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:19,410
So, uh, Vick,
why did you sell us out?
6
00:00:19,454 --> 00:00:21,021
- What are you talking about?
- Oh, yeah.
7
00:00:21,064 --> 00:00:23,849
I guess the U.S. military just
kind of happened to show up
8
00:00:23,893 --> 00:00:27,027
at our exact location
on a dog-dang hunch?
9
00:00:27,070 --> 00:00:28,506
Yeah, that makes sense.
10
00:00:28,550 --> 00:00:30,204
What exactly
are you accusing me of?
11
00:00:30,247 --> 00:00:31,727
Oh, come on!
12
00:00:31,770 --> 00:00:34,686
You called your little boy toy
after I specifically made
13
00:00:34,730 --> 00:00:37,341
a no-calling-husbands rule,
and now looked what happened!
14
00:00:37,385 --> 00:00:39,213
Yeah, we were saved
from death!
15
00:00:39,256 --> 00:00:40,518
Because of you!
16
00:00:40,562 --> 00:00:42,477
He probably
just tracked her phone.
17
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,696
No, that's impossible, Piper.
It's a wireless phone.
18
00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:45,654
Very funny.
19
00:00:45,697 --> 00:00:47,438
No, they can
track those too.
20
00:00:47,482 --> 00:00:48,700
Really?
21
00:00:48,744 --> 00:00:51,355
Fucking get out of here.
That's very cool.
22
00:00:51,399 --> 00:00:53,227
Well, Vicki,
based on that,
23
00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:55,229
I owe you a huge apology.
24
00:00:55,272 --> 00:00:57,100
And I'd like
to personally apologize
25
00:00:57,144 --> 00:00:59,059
to your phone as well.
May I?
26
00:00:59,102 --> 00:01:01,496
Oh, thank you.
That's sweet.
27
00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:05,195
Yeah.
All right.
28
00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:07,676
MacGruber!
29
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,460
That ought to slow down
those fucking gomers.
30
00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:11,071
Oh, shit, shit, shit!
31
00:01:11,114 --> 00:01:12,376
Piper, down!
But those are our guys!
32
00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:13,421
Down, now!
Vicki, quick!
33
00:01:13,464 --> 00:01:14,596
Get your mouth over here!
What?
34
00:01:14,639 --> 00:01:15,858
- Get your mouth over here!
- Oh.
35
00:01:25,041 --> 00:01:26,956
That was a close one.
36
00:01:26,999 --> 00:01:28,392
Nice undercover work, Vick.
37
00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:30,568
I think they bought it.
Thank you.
38
00:01:30,612 --> 00:01:33,136
Shit, more pigs!
39
00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:34,442
All right,
we better get this bad boy
40
00:01:34,485 --> 00:01:36,487
off the road
and plan our next move.
41
00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:40,448
You've reached
singer-songwriter
42
00:01:40,491 --> 00:01:42,754
Vicki St. Elmo-Fasoose.
43
00:01:42,798 --> 00:01:44,756
♪ Leave your name
and your number ♪
44
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:49,587
♪ And a message
after the to-wo-wo-wo-wo... ♪
45
00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:52,634
Sir, we have surveillance
photos of the drone strike.
46
00:01:54,331 --> 00:01:55,767
Jesus, Vicki.
47
00:01:55,811 --> 00:01:58,683
We also found this.
48
00:01:58,727 --> 00:02:01,686
Ran it through our database.
Says it's Brigadier Commander--
49
00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:03,297
Enos Queeth.
50
00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:05,386
- You know him, sir?
- Used to.
51
00:02:05,429 --> 00:02:07,562
Till he was killed in action
20 years ago.
52
00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:12,044
Looks pretty good
for a dead guy.
53
00:02:12,088 --> 00:02:13,959
You think he's behind
MacGruber's kidnapping?
54
00:02:14,003 --> 00:02:16,440
Makes sense.
The two of them had a history.
55
00:02:16,484 --> 00:02:18,442
I guess Queeth
finally settled the score.
56
00:02:18,486 --> 00:02:20,227
There's something else
you should see.
57
00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:25,580
Lieutenant Colonel
Dixon Piper.
58
00:02:25,623 --> 00:02:28,148
And if you look closely
behind him...
59
00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:30,715
MacGruber.
60
00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:32,456
I'll be damned.
61
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,545
That son of a bitch
is still alive.
62
00:02:34,589 --> 00:02:36,808
Thank you, Major.
63
00:02:39,376 --> 00:02:42,292
Jesus, Vicki.
64
00:02:42,336 --> 00:02:43,815
What have you
gotten yourself into?
65
00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:46,296
♪ Wo-one
66
00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:49,256
♪ Leave a message
at the tone ♪
67
00:03:14,237 --> 00:03:18,459
♪ MacGruber
68
00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:30,732
And just like that,
69
00:03:30,775 --> 00:03:33,604
we're ghosts.
70
00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:35,606
All right. You want to maybe
go take care of that alarm?
71
00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:37,173
Oh, shit!
Yeah, come on.
72
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,392
Vick, come on!
73
00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:42,222
Okay.
74
00:03:42,265 --> 00:03:43,397
Okay, here we go.
75
00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:46,443
6-9-6-9-6-9.
76
00:03:46,487 --> 00:03:48,358
Shit! Worth a shot.
77
00:03:48,402 --> 00:03:50,839
60 seconds, MacGruber.
78
00:03:50,882 --> 00:03:53,450
All right.
We got this, Vick.
79
00:03:53,494 --> 00:03:56,453
All right,
follow this band to the source.
80
00:03:56,497 --> 00:04:01,937
So, uh,
you, uh, digging the jazz?
81
00:04:01,980 --> 00:04:04,200
What do you mean?
I don't hear any music.
82
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:07,986
No, this. The jazz.
83
00:04:08,030 --> 00:04:09,727
Fighting the good fight,
84
00:04:09,771 --> 00:04:13,383
getting back in the game
for one last dance.
85
00:04:13,427 --> 00:04:15,777
I do enjoy
watching you play.
86
00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:19,520
The game. The jazz.
Yeah.
87
00:04:19,563 --> 00:04:21,043
Got to be honest with you:
88
00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:24,612
been in prison so long,
I'm a little out of practice.
89
00:04:26,135 --> 00:04:28,311
Excuse me?
90
00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:31,923
Vicki, do I have
to spell it out for you?
91
00:04:31,967 --> 00:04:35,013
I need to do it with you.
92
00:04:35,057 --> 00:04:37,799
MacGruber, I'm married.
93
00:04:37,842 --> 00:04:40,323
The alarm, Vicki.
94
00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:43,500
The alarm.
95
00:04:43,544 --> 00:04:45,937
All right. Here.
Hand me those wire cutters.
96
00:04:45,981 --> 00:04:47,156
You got it, MacGruber.
97
00:04:47,199 --> 00:04:48,766
- Now get in there.
- Oh.
98
00:04:48,810 --> 00:04:50,986
Now let's take
those fingers of yours
99
00:04:51,029 --> 00:04:54,250
and spread those wires apart
very slowly.
100
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,425
- These wires?
- There we go.
101
00:04:55,469 --> 00:04:57,862
Those ones right there.
Great job.
102
00:04:57,906 --> 00:04:59,037
Gently.
103
00:04:59,081 --> 00:05:01,431
There we go.
Attagirl.
104
00:05:01,475 --> 00:05:02,998
Okay, now I'm just
gonna take my tool.
105
00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:04,129
Yeah?
106
00:05:04,173 --> 00:05:05,435
I'm just gonna
jam it in there.
107
00:05:05,479 --> 00:05:07,524
I'm just gonna
come inside you there.
108
00:05:07,568 --> 00:05:09,918
Don't worry.
This is gonna be very quick.
109
00:05:09,961 --> 00:05:12,921
I'm almost there already.
I'm about there.
110
00:05:12,964 --> 00:05:15,184
I'm about there!
I'm about to cut it!
111
00:05:15,227 --> 00:05:16,446
I'm about to get it!
Yes!
112
00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:18,187
Oh, you know
I'm about to get it!
113
00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:19,754
You see me getting it!
Yeah!
114
00:05:19,797 --> 00:05:21,712
You're feeling me getting it!
I'm about to get it!
115
00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:23,235
- Yes!
- I'm about to finish!
116
00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:24,628
- Oh, my God!
- Ah!
117
00:05:24,672 --> 00:05:25,890
Oh!
118
00:05:25,934 --> 00:05:27,675
Got it.
119
00:05:27,718 --> 00:05:30,330
Nice work.
Wow.
120
00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:32,680
Oh, my God. Okay.
121
00:05:34,508 --> 00:05:36,553
So, MacGruber,
can you please explain
122
00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:38,381
why we're avoiding
telling the U.S. government
123
00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:40,340
that some maniac
just got his hands
124
00:05:40,383 --> 00:05:41,993
on a weapon
of mass destruction?
125
00:05:42,037 --> 00:05:44,648
Piper, why do you think I hid
that stuff in a fucking cave
126
00:05:44,692 --> 00:05:46,346
for the past 20 years?
127
00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:47,956
For gits and shiggles?
128
00:05:47,999 --> 00:05:50,393
No, I hid it
because no government on Earth
129
00:05:50,437 --> 00:05:53,875
should have it,
not even the USA.
130
00:05:53,918 --> 00:05:57,269
I mean, we're talking about
a world-ender here, Piper.
131
00:05:57,313 --> 00:06:00,708
I don't know about you,
but I kind of like the world.
132
00:06:03,145 --> 00:06:05,365
I like sunsets.
133
00:06:05,408 --> 00:06:08,019
I like snowcapped mountains.
134
00:06:08,063 --> 00:06:11,675
I like kicking back with a cold
Molson and watching the game.
135
00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:15,636
I like babies
and kettle corn.
136
00:06:15,679 --> 00:06:18,160
Monster trucks
and puppy dogs.
137
00:06:18,203 --> 00:06:22,425
I like the tig, ol' bitties
and bunchin' mox.
138
00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:25,123
I even like cancer
and type 2 diabetes
139
00:06:25,167 --> 00:06:28,562
because they remind me
that life is precious.
140
00:06:28,605 --> 00:06:30,694
And that is
why it is imperative
141
00:06:30,738 --> 00:06:33,697
that we keep this shit
out of Queeth's hands!
142
00:06:33,741 --> 00:06:37,048
But you just gave Queeth
the weapon!
143
00:06:37,092 --> 00:06:38,572
You know what?
144
00:06:38,615 --> 00:06:40,704
I'm gonna start
calling you Checkers,
145
00:06:40,748 --> 00:06:42,489
'cause that's the game
you're playing.
146
00:06:42,532 --> 00:06:44,360
But me?
I play chess.
147
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,927
The thinking man's game.
148
00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:47,668
And if you want
to win at chess,
149
00:06:47,711 --> 00:06:49,757
you got to think
outside the bun
150
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:51,715
'cause that's how you win
at chess, Checkers.
151
00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:53,630
Checksmate.
We good here?
152
00:06:53,674 --> 00:06:55,502
No, we're not good here.
153
00:06:55,545 --> 00:06:57,895
We should tell the general
and get his help.
154
00:06:57,939 --> 00:07:01,246
We don't need his help!
All right?
155
00:07:01,290 --> 00:07:03,335
We can do this ourselves.
156
00:07:03,379 --> 00:07:04,859
I mean, don't you see?
157
00:07:04,902 --> 00:07:07,209
You're not a driving
instructor, Checkers.
158
00:07:08,515 --> 00:07:11,909
And, Vicki,
you're not a housewife.
159
00:07:11,953 --> 00:07:15,957
You're soldiers,
and you always will be.
160
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,785
You're gonna
get us all killed.
161
00:07:19,047 --> 00:07:21,702
Vicki, can you
give us a second?
162
00:07:21,745 --> 00:07:23,007
- Sure.
- But stay here.
163
00:07:23,051 --> 00:07:23,878
Yeah.
164
00:07:23,921 --> 00:07:25,619
I want you to hear this.
165
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,839
Would it change your mind,
Checkers,
166
00:07:28,883 --> 00:07:32,277
if I told you that
Enos Queeth murdered my mother?
167
00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:37,152
- What?
- Yeah.
168
00:07:37,195 --> 00:07:38,936
I want to tell you guys
a little story
169
00:07:38,980 --> 00:07:41,417
that I've only told
about 40 other people.
170
00:07:45,421 --> 00:07:46,944
Back in the day,
171
00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:50,165
Queeth and my father
were fast friends.
172
00:07:51,819 --> 00:07:54,430
Actually served
in the military together.
173
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,085
Oorah.
174
00:07:57,128 --> 00:08:00,871
But when my father made full
bird colonel in record time,
175
00:08:00,915 --> 00:08:04,832
it sent Queeth
into a jealous rage.
176
00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:06,486
The night
of my fifth birthday,
177
00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:08,009
he came over to our house
178
00:08:08,052 --> 00:08:10,533
looking to put an end
to my father's life.
179
00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:13,710
Instead,
he ended our family.
180
00:08:13,754 --> 00:08:15,712
Put a bullet
in my mother's head.
181
00:08:15,756 --> 00:08:19,542
splattered her brains
all over my face and cake.
182
00:08:19,586 --> 00:08:22,197
Happy birthday to me.
183
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,547
My father was inconsolable.
184
00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:27,332
Queeth stole
the love of his life.
185
00:08:27,376 --> 00:08:29,334
Went into a deep depression.
186
00:08:29,378 --> 00:08:32,512
Tried to fill the void
with the drugs and liqueurs.
187
00:08:32,555 --> 00:08:33,817
Long story short,
188
00:08:33,861 --> 00:08:36,733
Queeth fucking ruined him.
189
00:08:36,777 --> 00:08:39,562
So the day I turned 18,
I went down
190
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:43,131
and I joined the Green Berets,
Navy SEALs, and Coast Guard
191
00:08:43,174 --> 00:08:48,005
and made it my life's mission
to take Queeth down.
192
00:08:48,049 --> 00:08:52,096
So, you see, this isn't
just any mission for me.
193
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:53,750
This is personal.
194
00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:59,190
I remain in.
195
00:08:59,234 --> 00:09:00,540
Thank you, soldier.
196
00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:12,247
- Fine.
- Checkers, really?
197
00:09:12,290 --> 00:09:14,597
Yes, but please
stop calling me Checkers.
198
00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:15,859
Of course.
199
00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:18,122
Now let's go
stop this son of a bitch.
200
00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:19,559
Yeah, and how are we
gonna do that?
201
00:09:19,602 --> 00:09:22,213
We have exactly zero leads.
202
00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:24,172
Guess again, Checkers.
203
00:09:24,215 --> 00:09:28,480
Queeth's go-to scientist,
Irina Poliskaya.
204
00:09:28,524 --> 00:09:29,873
The world's
preeminent chemist
205
00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:31,962
in the field
of organophosphates.
206
00:09:32,006 --> 00:09:33,834
She's got every degree
in the book.
207
00:09:33,877 --> 00:09:36,924
And a heart as black as
the coal in Queeth's stocking.
208
00:09:36,967 --> 00:09:38,969
So you think she's gonna
synthesize Brimstone?
209
00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:41,537
- I bet your baby's life on it.
- MacGruber!
210
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,844
Vicki, I don't want
Piper's baby to get murdered
211
00:09:43,887 --> 00:09:45,585
or even die
of natural causes,
212
00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:47,717
but that's how certain I am.
213
00:09:47,761 --> 00:09:50,067
Poliskaya is our synthesizer.
214
00:09:50,111 --> 00:09:51,634
Well, then we need
to find her and get to her
215
00:09:51,678 --> 00:09:52,896
before Queeth does.
216
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:55,072
ICDAG.
217
00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:57,292
The International Chemical
Defense Association Gala.
218
00:09:57,335 --> 00:09:58,598
...Gala!
219
00:09:58,641 --> 00:10:00,295
Yeah, I know it well.
220
00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:02,253
The International...Gala.
221
00:10:02,297 --> 00:10:04,604
Yeah, that's right.
I know it very well.
222
00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:08,042
Well, it says here there's a
big soiree in Miami this week.
223
00:10:08,085 --> 00:10:10,435
Every top chemical engineer
in the world will be there.
224
00:10:10,479 --> 00:10:14,396
And guess who's getting
a lifetime achievement award?
225
00:10:19,749 --> 00:10:21,185
Irina Poliskaya.
226
00:10:23,231 --> 00:10:25,842
As I suspected.
227
00:10:25,886 --> 00:10:27,627
Queeth must have timed
this whole operation
228
00:10:27,670 --> 00:10:28,932
for when he'd have access
to her.
229
00:10:28,976 --> 00:10:31,456
Checkers,
this ain't no coinky-dink.
230
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:33,763
No, this is an on-purpy-dink.
231
00:10:33,807 --> 00:10:35,504
So what's our plan,
MacGruber?
232
00:10:35,547 --> 00:10:39,247
Looks like we're going
fishing for Russian scientists.
233
00:10:39,290 --> 00:10:40,552
It won't be easy.
234
00:10:40,596 --> 00:10:42,032
She's gonna be
under heavy guard.
235
00:10:42,076 --> 00:10:44,774
You can catch anything
if you use a big enough worm.
236
00:10:44,818 --> 00:10:46,384
It's true.
237
00:10:46,428 --> 00:10:48,604
Hey, MacGruber,
we can't keep driving around
238
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:49,779
in that car of yours.
239
00:10:49,823 --> 00:10:51,259
It's kind of hard
to stay undercover
240
00:10:51,302 --> 00:10:52,477
in a bright red Miata.
241
00:10:52,521 --> 00:10:55,655
Way ahead of you, Checkers.
242
00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:04,141
Yep, much better.
243
00:11:13,063 --> 00:11:14,717
♪ I'm not a man
244
00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:15,936
♪ Or machine
245
00:11:15,979 --> 00:11:18,373
♪ I'm just something
in between ♪
246
00:11:18,416 --> 00:11:21,332
all: ♪ Whoa-oh, whoa-oh
247
00:11:21,376 --> 00:11:23,944
♪ I'm all love,
a dynamo ♪
248
00:11:23,987 --> 00:11:26,555
♪ So push the button
and let me go ♪
249
00:11:26,598 --> 00:11:28,731
all: ♪ Whoa-oh, whoa-oh
250
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:32,430
♪ Aah, you want me
to come alive? ♪
251
00:11:32,474 --> 00:11:34,955
♪ Flick the switch
into overdrive ♪
252
00:11:34,998 --> 00:11:37,609
♪ You and me can let it be
253
00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:38,959
♪ Ready
all: ♪ Ready
254
00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:41,744
♪ Aim
all: ♪ Aim
255
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:43,311
♪ Fire
256
00:11:43,354 --> 00:11:45,748
♪ Touch that dial,
turn me on ♪
257
00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:48,664
♪ Start me like a motor,
make me run ♪
258
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,318
♪ Lovin' every minute of it
259
00:11:50,361 --> 00:11:51,449
♪ Lovin'
260
00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:53,103
♪ Lovin' every minute of it
261
00:11:53,147 --> 00:11:56,063
Big worm is in position.
262
00:11:56,106 --> 00:11:57,934
How are we looking, Checkers?
263
00:11:57,978 --> 00:11:59,196
Give me a sec.
264
00:12:03,244 --> 00:12:04,419
Who are you?
265
00:12:04,462 --> 00:12:05,855
The night shift.
266
00:12:10,251 --> 00:12:12,035
I'm in.
Okay, gang.
267
00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:13,994
This is for all the marbles.
268
00:12:14,037 --> 00:12:15,952
We won't get another chance.
269
00:12:15,996 --> 00:12:17,388
Vicki, you in place?
270
00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:19,477
Yeah, I'm at your 11:00.
271
00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:23,133
Sorry, Central Standard Time.
272
00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:33,753
There you are.
273
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:39,584
Wow, you look...
274
00:12:39,628 --> 00:12:40,803
fine.
275
00:12:40,847 --> 00:12:45,808
Well,
you also look...only fine.
276
00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:47,418
Hey, I got eyes
on Poliskaya.
277
00:12:47,462 --> 00:12:49,899
She's by the bar,
and she's got company.
278
00:12:49,943 --> 00:12:51,118
Big company.
279
00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:52,510
Piece of cake.
280
00:12:52,554 --> 00:12:55,687
Watch and learn, kid.
Watch and learn.
281
00:13:00,562 --> 00:13:04,958
Same old science bullshit,
different science day.
282
00:13:05,001 --> 00:13:07,874
What's up, turtledove?
Buy you an eggnog?
283
00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:09,005
No.
284
00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:12,226
Hey, I can take a hint.
285
00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:14,881
Barkeep, two gin martinis.
286
00:13:14,924 --> 00:13:17,013
And I'll have mine...
287
00:13:17,057 --> 00:13:18,449
very dirty.
288
00:13:25,021 --> 00:13:25,935
Allow me.
289
00:13:29,243 --> 00:13:32,507
So, do you like it dirty?
290
00:13:36,293 --> 00:13:38,556
The lady does not wish
to talk to you.
291
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,210
Oh, the lady does not want
292
00:13:40,254 --> 00:13:41,864
to talk to me, huh?
293
00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:44,475
That's what you
sound like, you fucking dode.
294
00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:47,217
In fact, the only thing
more stupid than your accent
295
00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:50,220
is the way you're dressed,
the content of your brain,
296
00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:52,309
and your fucking face.
297
00:13:52,353 --> 00:13:53,920
You will leave now.
298
00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:56,748
I will leave now.
299
00:13:58,968 --> 00:14:00,404
Fine.
300
00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:02,493
Let me just settle my bill.
301
00:14:06,323 --> 00:14:08,673
Barkeep, put those
on the Queeth tab.
302
00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:11,415
It's an open bar.
303
00:14:11,459 --> 00:14:12,982
You're an open bar!
304
00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:16,377
Queeth. Tab. Now.
305
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,296
Da.
306
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:27,910
Sorry, Jorgus can be
a little overprotective.
307
00:14:27,954 --> 00:14:29,216
Have we met?
308
00:14:29,259 --> 00:14:31,827
Let's just say
I'm a friend of a friend.
309
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,178
Thank you. Here.
310
00:14:35,222 --> 00:14:38,399
Oh, I got a little tip for you.
311
00:14:38,442 --> 00:14:39,574
Keep the change.
312
00:14:43,056 --> 00:14:44,405
All right.
Hurry, MacGruber.
313
00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:45,928
The presentation starts
in ten minutes,
314
00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:47,930
and you need five
for the capsule to take effect.
315
00:14:47,974 --> 00:14:49,279
Loud and...
316
00:14:55,372 --> 00:14:56,896
Got a little boogie.
317
00:15:07,254 --> 00:15:10,039
Holy shit! Does that guy
have his wiener out?
318
00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:11,345
Oh, he fully does!
319
00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:13,521
Oh, you got to turn your head
and see this!
320
00:15:13,564 --> 00:15:14,914
It's so small!
321
00:15:14,957 --> 00:15:17,090
It's like a snail,
or is it--
322
00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:19,483
No, "it's a snail"
is the perfect way to put it!
323
00:15:19,527 --> 00:15:20,963
Oh, my God!
324
00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:22,965
People are going nuts
over there!
325
00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:27,665
No?
326
00:15:27,709 --> 00:15:29,319
Oh, God.
You're missing out.
327
00:15:29,363 --> 00:15:31,321
Turn that head!
328
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:36,544
Oh, my God. Look at this!
You don't want to see this?
329
00:15:36,587 --> 00:15:38,676
Oh, it looks like
he's gonna pull up his pants!
330
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,983
Uh, no, no, no, no, no.
It's still there!
331
00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:43,246
No? Okay.
332
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:44,900
All right.
All right.
333
00:15:46,597 --> 00:15:48,295
Ooh, let's have
a head-turning contest!
334
00:15:48,338 --> 00:15:49,644
I'll start.
335
00:15:50,906 --> 00:15:52,864
Vicki, we need a distraction.
336
00:15:52,908 --> 00:15:54,257
On it.
337
00:15:54,301 --> 00:15:58,131
Ahh!
338
00:15:58,174 --> 00:16:00,089
No!
339
00:16:00,133 --> 00:16:02,874
Look at me!
340
00:16:02,918 --> 00:16:04,964
Over here!
341
00:16:05,007 --> 00:16:09,446
Ahh!
342
00:16:16,497 --> 00:16:18,107
Okay.
That worked, I guess.
343
00:16:18,151 --> 00:16:20,327
Now get in position
for phase two, Vicki.
344
00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:21,502
On the groove.
345
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,597
Where were we?
Oh, that's right.
346
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:30,815
We were getting
to know each other,
347
00:16:30,859 --> 00:16:32,861
and it was going fucking great.
348
00:16:32,904 --> 00:16:34,689
Is it just me,
or are we
349
00:16:34,732 --> 00:16:37,953
in a major opposites-attract
situation here?
350
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,911
'Cause you travel
with protection,
351
00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:43,959
and I never, ever,
ever use protection.
352
00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:47,484
What do you say
we get out of here?
353
00:16:47,528 --> 00:16:49,878
You're very persistent,
Mr...
354
00:16:52,750 --> 00:16:55,231
- Jebblidoo.
- Mm.
355
00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:58,495
Matias Jebblidoo.
356
00:16:58,539 --> 00:17:03,326
Mm, it's been a unique
pleasure, Mr. Jebblidoo.
357
00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:06,112
Now if you'll excuse me,
I have a prior obligation.
358
00:17:06,155 --> 00:17:10,203
Oh, hate for you
to go Russian off,
359
00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:13,032
but if you must,
then Soviet.
360
00:17:15,121 --> 00:17:16,470
To humor.
361
00:17:34,401 --> 00:17:35,619
She's walking.
She did it.
362
00:17:35,663 --> 00:17:37,099
She drank it.
I did it.
363
00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:38,492
I got her to drink it.
364
00:17:38,535 --> 00:17:40,102
Fuck yeah.
You got her, Checkers?
365
00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:43,279
I got her, but please
stop calling me that.
366
00:17:43,323 --> 00:17:45,673
Vicki, you in place?
367
00:17:45,716 --> 00:17:47,022
Set to jet.
368
00:17:48,328 --> 00:17:51,896
All right. I'm in the pipe,
five by five.
369
00:17:55,857 --> 00:17:57,902
Oh! Give me one moment.
370
00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:06,346
Okay.
I lost eyes on her.
371
00:18:06,389 --> 00:18:07,651
This is all you, Vick.
372
00:18:21,665 --> 00:18:24,233
Excuse me, do you have
any toilet paper?
373
00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:28,063
Let me see if I have some.
374
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,587
Oh, you're in luck.
Here you go.
375
00:18:43,383 --> 00:18:44,993
Sorry!
376
00:18:45,036 --> 00:18:47,387
She's out.
Commencing the old switcheroo.
377
00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:48,779
Great work, Vick.
378
00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:54,002
Heads up, Vicki.
Your company has got company.
379
00:18:59,573 --> 00:19:02,576
Okay, Vicki. Jack has just
replaced Poliskaya's guard.
380
00:19:02,619 --> 00:19:03,968
Proceed with caution.
381
00:19:04,012 --> 00:19:06,319
Just making
some final adjustments.
382
00:19:09,887 --> 00:19:11,672
Everything all right
in there?
383
00:19:25,903 --> 00:19:28,428
Now remember, Vicki,
we only need Queeth's guy
384
00:19:28,471 --> 00:19:30,430
to think you're Poliskaya
for a few minutes
385
00:19:30,473 --> 00:19:32,736
until I can get
the real Poliskaya out of here.
386
00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:34,912
Then, you can give that
fucking jughead the slip.
387
00:19:34,956 --> 00:19:37,176
And then,
we are in the clear.
388
00:19:37,219 --> 00:19:38,264
There you are.
389
00:19:38,307 --> 00:19:40,266
- Hi, Miss Poliskaya.
- That's me.
390
00:19:40,309 --> 00:19:41,615
We're ahead of schedule.
391
00:19:41,658 --> 00:19:43,791
We're ready to bring you
to the stage right now.
392
00:19:45,488 --> 00:19:48,230
Great.
That's where I want to be.
393
00:19:48,274 --> 00:19:49,753
The ballroom is packed,
394
00:19:49,797 --> 00:19:53,627
and people are really excited
to hear your speech.
395
00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:55,281
My speech?
396
00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:57,239
Yes, of course.
397
00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:59,850
It's not just an award.
398
00:19:59,894 --> 00:20:02,636
It's also a speech.
399
00:20:02,679 --> 00:20:03,593
Right this way.
400
00:20:05,682 --> 00:20:08,076
What do I do? What's
he saying about a speech?
401
00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:09,208
That wasn't part of the plan!
402
00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:11,253
Plans change, Vick.
Roll with it.
403
00:20:11,297 --> 00:20:12,298
What do you mean
plans change?
404
00:20:12,341 --> 00:20:14,474
What am I supposed to say?
405
00:20:14,517 --> 00:20:16,302
Don't worry.
I got your six.
406
00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:17,651
As the near-recipient
407
00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:19,653
of several
lifetime achievement awards,
408
00:20:19,696 --> 00:20:21,829
I know that
a speech is de rigueur,
409
00:20:21,872 --> 00:20:24,484
so I took the liberty of
writing you an amazing speech.
410
00:20:24,527 --> 00:20:27,400
It's already
under your podium.
411
00:20:27,443 --> 00:20:29,271
Thank you.
412
00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:34,972
And now,
it is my great pleasure
413
00:20:35,016 --> 00:20:36,539
to welcome the recipient
414
00:20:36,583 --> 00:20:39,847
of this year's ICDA
lifetime achievement award,
415
00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:42,850
Dr. Irina Poliskaya.
416
00:21:15,752 --> 00:21:17,232
Russian hello.
417
00:21:53,442 --> 00:21:57,620
Webster's dictionary
defines "science"
418
00:21:57,664 --> 00:22:01,407
as the state or act of...
419
00:22:01,450 --> 00:22:04,540
being scientific.
420
00:22:06,107 --> 00:22:11,808
And this definition
appears in the S's.
421
00:22:24,168 --> 00:22:25,431
Great job, Vick!
422
00:22:25,474 --> 00:22:27,563
Sounds like that audience
is eating that shit up
423
00:22:27,607 --> 00:22:29,391
like a fucking pot roast.
424
00:22:29,435 --> 00:22:31,219
Keep going.
425
00:22:31,262 --> 00:22:34,222
Science.
426
00:22:34,265 --> 00:22:37,312
Science is all around us.
427
00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:39,880
Right?
428
00:22:39,923 --> 00:22:42,056
They know.
429
00:22:42,099 --> 00:22:46,016
It's when you hear
your favorite song,
430
00:22:46,060 --> 00:22:47,540
when you...
431
00:22:49,890 --> 00:22:52,588
That is science.
432
00:22:52,632 --> 00:22:54,503
When you get
into an elevator
433
00:22:54,547 --> 00:22:58,638
and sometimes
there's a funny smell,
434
00:22:58,681 --> 00:23:01,815
that's also science.
435
00:23:01,858 --> 00:23:03,947
Okay.
You got 'em on the hook.
436
00:23:03,991 --> 00:23:07,603
Now just reel 'em in
nice and easy.
437
00:23:07,647 --> 00:23:13,043
Science is weather...
438
00:23:17,178 --> 00:23:20,181
corn...
439
00:23:20,224 --> 00:23:23,576
and electric.
440
00:23:25,665 --> 00:23:27,841
The laundry is
in the hamper.
441
00:23:27,884 --> 00:23:31,627
Vicki, bring it home.
Oh, thank God.
442
00:23:31,671 --> 00:23:33,847
Okay, well, that concludes
my speech about science.
443
00:23:33,890 --> 00:23:37,024
Believe in your dreams!
Russian goodbye.
444
00:23:42,029 --> 00:23:43,509
Great job, Vick!
445
00:23:43,552 --> 00:23:45,685
I had no idea
you knew all that stuff.
446
00:23:45,728 --> 00:23:47,469
Now just head
to the bathroom,
447
00:23:47,513 --> 00:23:49,036
change into the outfit
I left you,
448
00:23:49,079 --> 00:23:50,472
and get out here.
449
00:23:50,516 --> 00:23:52,518
By the time they figure out
our little trick play,
450
00:23:52,561 --> 00:23:54,781
we'll be long gone.
451
00:23:56,347 --> 00:23:57,436
Let's go.
452
00:23:59,307 --> 00:24:02,223
Car is out back.
Car?
453
00:24:02,266 --> 00:24:03,529
We're going to the lab.
454
00:24:03,572 --> 00:24:06,445
For the synthesis?
455
00:24:07,881 --> 00:24:08,795
Yeah.
456
00:24:10,884 --> 00:24:14,540
Do you mind
if I use the potty again?
457
00:24:14,583 --> 00:24:15,889
You're gonna have
to hurry that up.
458
00:24:15,932 --> 00:24:17,760
We're on a tight schedule here.
Mm-hmm.
459
00:24:22,286 --> 00:24:24,201
Guys, can you hear me?
460
00:24:24,245 --> 00:24:27,509
They're going to the lab.
I think I should go with them.
461
00:24:27,553 --> 00:24:29,555
Vicki, we already got
what we came for.
462
00:24:29,598 --> 00:24:30,860
Now stick to the plan.
463
00:24:30,904 --> 00:24:32,688
But they think
I'm a scientist!
464
00:24:32,732 --> 00:24:34,734
If I can get my hands
on Brimstone and destroy it,
465
00:24:34,777 --> 00:24:36,562
we can end this thing
once and for all!
466
00:24:36,605 --> 00:24:38,825
No, it's too dangerous.
Leave now!
467
00:24:38,868 --> 00:24:40,957
But this is just
a temporary solution.
468
00:24:41,001 --> 00:24:42,785
Yeah, we've stopped
this scientist this time,
469
00:24:42,829 --> 00:24:44,570
but eventually they're
gonna find someone else
470
00:24:44,613 --> 00:24:45,875
to synthesize it.
Look, Vicki.
471
00:24:45,919 --> 00:24:48,095
If you go to that lab,
we can't protect you.
472
00:24:49,618 --> 00:24:51,185
I have to take that chance.
473
00:24:52,578 --> 00:24:54,449
Vicki, please.
474
00:24:54,493 --> 00:24:57,757
If you do this,
you will die.
475
00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:01,108
If I don't,
millions of people will die.
476
00:25:01,151 --> 00:25:04,285
Hey, this is a direct order.
477
00:25:04,328 --> 00:25:06,330
Stick to the goddamn plan!
478
00:25:06,374 --> 00:25:08,245
All right?
479
00:25:08,289 --> 00:25:10,552
Vicki!
480
00:25:10,596 --> 00:25:13,686
Vicki, did you hear
what I said?
481
00:25:15,644 --> 00:25:17,516
Yeah, I heard
exactly what you said.
482
00:25:22,521 --> 00:25:23,826
Plans change.
483
00:25:28,091 --> 00:25:29,310
Take me to the lab.
484
00:25:29,353 --> 00:25:31,007
After you.
485
00:25:31,051 --> 00:25:33,227
Vicki,
please don't do this!
486
00:25:33,270 --> 00:25:34,489
Vicki! Vicki!
487
00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:36,752
Vicki, come in!
488
00:25:36,796 --> 00:25:38,711
Vicki! Vicki!
489
00:25:38,754 --> 00:25:40,582
Come on, Vicki! Please!
31949
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