Original subtitles

Oh, god! Oh, god! I'm in the butt!

But I don't see the book. Where is it?

It's locked up in the delta, safe and sound.

I cannot believe you guys jacked this from ashy slashy.

Are you insane?

"Misartra."

What the fuck was that?!

What is your genius plan for getting the book back?

And throw one of our epic parties tonight.

The kids who stole your car will show up.

Ruby: We might not be able to find the book,

but we can go after the ones who are searching for it.

- Mama. - Then let's go kill your kids.

Ash: What the rice and beans is he doing here?

Ah! Help!

Believe it or not dad, this is my dayjob.

Ashy slashy's going to kill us all!

Hey, relax! Everything's fine!

Brock: My son is a hero. You hear me? He's a hero!

- You really mean that, dad? - I was wrong.

Ah, dad.

You can't be dead now.

Not after everything we've been through,

with all the bitterness and the hatred and...

And now we finally made peace with each other.

I'm so sorry, jefe.

You're right, it's not fair.

Fate is a cruel mistress, Pablo.

Everyone I've ever loved has been taken from me.

Next time it's going to be you or Kelly or Eli or...

Well, no, that's pretty much it, but one of you three.

- No doubt about it. - Don't worry.

I'm done letting fate choose for me.

From now on, I'm grabbing the bull by the horns, jefe.

Won't make a pube hair of difference, Pablo.

My advice, think of your life as a good time, not a long time.

- No, thank you. - You're welcome.

Well, pop,

I guess it's time to ride the pale horse

up to the discount hardware store in the sky.

Pablo, you don't see another eyeball around here, do you?

But I think your plan worked.

J“ baby, baby, baby I

- those punks are gonna pay. - I got this.

Bull by the horns, jefe!

Pablo!

- No, it's not me! I swear to god! - What the fuck is going...

Get out of there!

Ash! The delta, it's possessed!

Possessed?

No, no, no, no, no.

Come on, baby, not you.

I ...Feel the noise j“

- j“ girls, rock your boys j“ - what are you doing?

- J“ we get wild, wild... j“ - no.

Back off! Not you. Come on! Not the classic.

You can't be possessed!

- J“ come on, feel the noise j“ - not you!

- J“ girls, rock your boys j“ - no!

- No! No. - J“ we get wild, wild, wild j“

- Hey, Chet! - Hey, man!

- Hey, how you doing, buddy? - Uh, yeah!

Hey, listen, uh, I got to borrow your wheels, is that cool?

Mm. Absolutely.

As long as we're going down "mammary Lane."

0h, sure. We can reminisce later.

No, mammary Lane?

The titty bar!

- Oh, mammary Lane! - Remember?

- Yeah! - Sure, yeah, they got great lighting.

Man, I love having you back in town!

Right. Hey, let's get going. What do you say?

Yeah, okay.

And, oh, oh, shit.

That's not the... oh, here.

I got... no. Yeah, that's it.

- That's the... - Try that one.

Okay, come on. Shit.

- Oh! - Hey, you know what?

Chet, I got a great idea.

If I drive, you can keep pounding brewskies the whole time.

- I can stay hydrated! - Exactly.

- Great idea. - Yes! Okay!

- Okay, go that way. - Okay.

- Here we go. - Yeah.

J“ take off, it's a beauty way to go I

j“ take off, to the great white north I

j“ take off, it's a beauty way to go... I

we're going to die here. This car's going to kill us.

There's no use!

There's no controlling it!

Hey, uh, I'm Pablo.

- Uh, what's your name? - Lacey!

Listen, we're-we're going to figure all of this out.

Why is this happening to me?!

Yeah, welcome to my world.

Crushed it!

Huh?

Dude, there's a chainsaw in my backseat.

Yeah, that's mine.

What's it for?

Um... ice sculpture?

And the shotgun?

Uh, that's mine, too.

What's that for?

In case they don't pay for the ice sculpture.

- Oh. - Huh?

Yeah.

Wait. Oh, dude. No.

You passed it, man. Mammary's is the other way!

Uh, no, no, no. Chet, uh, hey.

I just remembered that, uh, they had to close mammary Lane down.

- Huh? - Yeah, asbestos in the Poles.

Chicks were getting, uh, rashes on their hoochie-ma-kooters.

But, hey, don't sweat it. I got another place.

Hey, Chet, uh, keep your eye out for the delta, can you?

- Yeah. - On our way there?

Yeah.

Where are the guns at?

Impressive.

Kelly: We weren't intending to stockpile an arsenal,

but you know what they say, "when in Jacksonville"...

We got to move.

In the time we've wasted, my spawn could have found the book.

And if they've already raised baal...

What?

Every time you talk about this "baal,"

you trail off, which is really annoying by the way,

but it makes me think

that you're hiding something.

I'm not hiding anything.

It's just...

Baal has a power over me.

And not just me, everyone.

Yeah, he's a demon. That makes sense.

He's not a typical demon.

Baal doesn't use brute force, he breeds paranoia.

He-he gets into people's psyches, turning them against each other,

until they annihilate themselves.

Well, you sure can pick 'em.

I didn't pick him, that's the point.

He is seductive and he's manipulative.

You just can't resist him.

And I'm afraid that if we do not get to my spawn before they raise baal,

I will not have the strength to fight him.

You just think that way

'cause you've been fighting alone for thousands of years.

But now you got me, okay?

I promise I will help you kill your spawn.

Just tell me what we need to do.

Oh, my god, no!

- What the fuck is that?! - No way.

You?!

Shit!

Please make it stop!

- Please make it stop! - You okay?

Forget her, Pablo! This is about you and me!

What the hell is that thing?

It's just a stupid book that talks and does evil things.

Pablo!

Oh, shit!

Book: Tell her the truth!

Tell her our destinies are intertwined.

That we're bound by the most powerful force imaginable.

Embrace the truth, Pablo!

Look at yourself!

' Lacey: Pablo, look out!

Pablo!

Shit!

- Pablo! - Ash!

I, uh, need you.

- Whoa, whoa. - I'm scared.

- I got you, bu - no! My.

Shit!

Jefe...

Okay, I'm going to pull it out! Let's go for it.

Okay.

You ready? Hang on now.

Okay, okay!

- Can't help... not that way. - That's not going to work.

Okay, hold on.

Don't worry.

It's okay. We got it worked out.

All right? We're going to take care of this.

What you need is some sleep.

You need to rest right over here in the trunk.

It's really nice in there.

- So, Pablo... - Why in the trunk, jefe?

- Because we have to. - No.

I want you to trust me on this.

There we go. Just get in the trunk.

Ah! No, no!

- Jefe! No! Please! - You want to be free of that book?

Then you get in the goddamn trunk!

Okay.

I'm sorry, jefe. Please!

- See you on the other side, amigo. - No!

Lacey: Pablo? Hey! Pablo, get up!

What are you doing? Get up!

Somebody's following us. Someone is following us.

- Chet, there it is! The delta. - Huh?

- Chet, sit back. - What's that for?

Oh! Sweet monkey Jesus, ash!

- What's your problem?! - Take the wheel.

- How do you think I feel? - Take the wheel!

I'm going to take the wheel!

- Chet, take the gun! - Okay, yeah.

I got you!

No!

Give me the gun!

Lacey: He's going to shoot again!

Whoa.

Shit!

Whoa.

- What are you doing?! - What are you doing?!

All right, Chet, I got to come clean.

We're-we're not going to a titty bar.

But...

Then...

Where?

- You want to know? - Yes.

Okay, I'll give you the abridged version.

- Good. - There's an evil book.

It possessed my car, then it killed my dad.

There's little demons who want the book.

I can't let them get that book, 'cause if they do,

they'll use the book to summon a bigger demon.

That's the whole story.

Okay, man. Come on.

Let's kill us some demons! Yeah!

No. Sorry, Chet.

This is the end of the road for you.

What? No, man.

Come on, we're in it together till the wheels fall off, remember?

There's some things a man has to do alone.

Like what?

Like drinking in the morning.

Like putting antifungal ointment on your...

- Balls. - Yeah. You understand me, Chet.

That's why you know I got to do this alone.

I just got to get to the old smash 'em up, take care of business,

and I'll catch you on the flip-flop.

Wait a minute. The smash 'em up derby.

Oh, I get it now!

Yes, because it was there, in the delta,

where I first boned Lillian pendergrass.

Oh, see, 'cause I thought it was because

that's where your dad got the delta,

and then the delta came back to run him over as sort of a "cry for help,"

and then it went back to the place where your dad originally got it, you know.

I guess it just jived with the whole cathartic symmetry of that.

Sort of a circle of life kind of a thing.

Yeah, Chet, that could work, too.

Either way, I think the car's going there.

- Can you drop me? - Shit, yes, brother.

Bless your soul, Chet, you drunk driving angel.

J“ it's a beauty way to go, take off... I

- step on it, Chet! - Let's go!

I take off, it's a... j“

It smells like ash's trailer.

My children have been nesting in here.

Stop calling them that.

They're not your children anymore.

Ruby: I can feel them.

Nope.

Synthetic.

From some cheap, imported rice burner.

Pennzoil platinum.

Heho, baby.

Little overdue for a valve job.

But you're close.

So fucking dark in here.

They could be anywhere.

- Kelly! - Ah!

Get out of the way!

Ah, shit!

_ - ash!

Mama.

Shit!

Oh, my god! Oh, my god!

Doors. Check your door!

- It's open! - All right.

- Come on. - Pablo!

Pablo! Pablo!

Whoa!

- Get off me! Go! - I'll get help!

Wait! Pablo, you can't do this!

There is another way.

Cast me back to the dimension from which I came,

and you get to live!

- What the hell is that? - My word.

Good girl.

- Brock: All in the ass, son. - That you, pop?! Whoa!

Got to clench those cheeks together, nice and tight.

You want me to, what?!

Get them so hard you could crack a walnut on them.

Okay!

I'm doing it! I'm hard, dad!

I'm hard!

I gave you life, I can take it away.

For what it's worth...

I'm proud of you.

- Ruby! - Kelly, the dagger!

Kelly! The dagger!

I got it!

Hang on, Pablo!

Okay, what do I have to do?

Speak the word.

Come on, baby!

Don't make me do this!

Pablo!

No. Damn you to hell!

"Amagi."

Oh!

That was the last of them.

That was the last.

What the hell is this?

Uh, I don't know.

Jefe, this is it!

This is how we cast the book to hell.

Well, at this point, I mean, could things get any worse?

Knock yourself out.

' What?

Ruby, what's wrong?

The necronomicon...

It's gone.

We got to move.

Okay, looks like it worked.

That's good enough for me.

Come on, ash.

Let's go home.

Uh, at least we don't have to tow it anywhere.

This is good a final resting place as any.

Hey, you wash out your filthy mouth!

I'm not going to get rid of that beautiful beast just because of a few dings.

Uh, jefe, it was possessed, killed a bunch of kids,

- and its trunk was a portal to hell. - Nothing a lube job wouldn't fix.

Um, have you seen the hood?

You drove your chainsaw right into its heart.

I can buff that out.

Pablo don't worry, before you know it, she'll be as good as new.

J“ come on, feel the noise I

j“ girls, rock your boys j“

I we get wild, wild, wild j“

I we get wild, wild, wild j“

I so come on, feel the noise I

I girls, rock your boys I

I we get wild, wild, wild I

I and you know I

I yeah I

I so you think we have a lazy time I

I well, you should know better I

I and I don't know why I

I I just don't know why I

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