Original subtitles

Relax. Why all the karate?

It's pronounced karate, Mom.

And I'm mad.

Because California sucks. I don't want to live here. I want to move back to

Newark.

Well, sweetie, we can.

I can make up to ten grand a month working at the clubs here.

And once my website takes off and I start doing movies, I can make that in a

week. Now, come on. You're going to feel better once you get laid.

I know. I always feel better with a hot cock in my mouth.

I can't even leave this stupid apartment. I hate it here, stupid

Hi -yah!

Aw, there, there, sweetie.

You're going to feel much better once you get laid. Let me help you.

Here.

Oh, hi.

Hi. Oh, y 'all, that's my son.

We took.

He has an evil karate instructor.

I thought he could show you some moves.

Take that, douche. No mercy!

Now I'm gonna go fuck your mom while you sleep on that couch.

Little shithead. You're gonna be a great daddy.

Shut up.

I am.

You're pretty bad at yourself, huh?

Yeah.

Can you lift me up a little bit?

I need

to

handle it.

Get up. Get up.

Get up.

I don't know.

I can't wait for this to rip me open.

Fuck your little holes.

There you go.

Oh my God.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God.

Thank you.

Waiting on fly, wait a long time, no fly.

What to catch when fly, no fly.

Unless, smarter than fly.

What's your name?

Daniel.

Daniel.

Daniel, son.

Catch more flies with shit than no shit.

hand technique.

I see now my mission.

I can take you as my student.

I shall be your sensei and teach you what you wish to know.

Think to my offense.

Cobra Kai initiation ceremony, babe.

Ever been with a Cobra Kai?

Ever been with two?

Okay.

Ow!

No. No.

fuck are you doing here? Who the fuck is this?

It doesn't matter. What are you doing here?

What do you mean it doesn't matter? She's naked.

It wasn't doing anything.

Why don't you just get out of here?

Did you fuck her?

Did you fuck her? Did he fuck you?

Yeah.

You're a fucking cheating bastard.

What do you mean I don't know anything? You don't know anything.

Hey,

don't talk to her like that, bro.

Why don't you get out of here?

Mr. McGee, I'm here to train.

I'm here to get karate -sized.

Hey, what was that move?

Can you show me that?

I ain't your friends.

Look, man, I'm not gonna fuck your dick.

Hey, no, fuck dick! Fuck dick!

Fuck dick later!

You must be... Lola.

Took a whack on.

Took a whack off.

What are you doing?

Never you in the mind.

Yeah, but that's totally distracting.

Never you in the mind.

You just wax on, wax off.

Totally distracting. Good.

Did you focus?

Everything that bothers you, causes trouble, must be fixed.

Yeah, but...

What's wrong?

What's wrong?

But? No but?

No but for you?

Help me out. You show your golden parachute.

Yeah. Reach out.

Wax off.

Wax off.

Wax off.

Wax off. Wax off. Wax off. Wax off.

Wax off.

Wax off.

That man put his udar noodle into your mother's fishbowl.

That man is evil karate teacher.

A man who trained the boy who kicked your ass.

That bad guy.

You need to stop him.

I train you to stop him.

You need to beat him and win heart of girl and make little baby much yours.

When's the tournament?

Tomorrow.

What?

I mean,

what happened to the whole, like, montage of them, like, beating me up and

like, look, I want to fight you in the tournament. You can't touch me until we

have the fight. What happened to all that?

No time.

10 -page script.

Only time for sex and barely enough time for top technique.

No more tea.

The cock says you are ready.

We're ready.

I don't... I really...

I don't want this guy, Walker. Hey!

Hey! You're gonna do great, Daniel. We're all rooting for you.

Uh -uh. Okay.

Oh.

Sorry, I'm sorry.

Welcome to our martial art competition.

Our first fight from Cobra Khan.

And from the Miyagi

Dojo. Please welcome Daniel Tan.

Fighter.

What are you

doing this dancing for?

busted leg.

Where's Mr. Miyagi? Where's my mom?

You don't want to know.

Look, I don't want you to die without knowing what my vagina feels

like.

Take me, Danny.

Take me.

I'm a virgin.

Me too.

Oh.

um

Bye.

Ah.

You won't cry.

Oh, my.

Oh my god.

Oh

my

god. Oh my god.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm totally fine with you.

I love you so much.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, it feels so good.

Oh, God.

Thank you.

Women must leave.

Fuck you. I'm not going anywhere.

Very well.

What are you gonna do?

Prepare yourself, Goldenwood.

Oh!

Stay gold.

Last martial art fight, unfortunately, is a win by default.

So from Cobra Khan, the winner...

Okay, we have a fight after all.

From Cobra Khan, this is Johnny versus, from the Miyagi Dojo,

Daniel Son.

Fighters, take care of the other leg.

You sure you wish to do this to your son?

Yeah. You wish no dishonor by leaving.

Do not use golden parachute.

And that's absolutely necessary.

You ready? Why?

Because if you do it wrong, it can kill you.

The scrotum's not meant to be stretched out. Is the word there scrotum?

Yummy.

Hit him!