Original subtitles

But Denise, I was only your TV dad.

So when you come over to my house, I want you to take your panties off.

In late breaking news, Phil Cosby answers the tough questions.

Tonight, News 10.

Mr. Cosby, there are all sorts of lurid accusations.

These bitches...

I mean, these fine ladies.

But, sweetheart, I love women.

I would never do anything like that.

Why don't you come over to my house and we can talk about it? Yes, bring up.

That's how it works. It works better. I mean, it gets you buzzed better that

way. They not totally remember the fact that they were all amped up on drugs.

You drugged them.

The only thing I slipped him was my jacket.

Loves me some white pussy.

But sweetheart,

I have no idea why these women are saying such horrible things about me.

Of course they're not true. I love women.

I would never do anything like that.

Why don't you come over to my house and we can talk about it.

Let's just say Claire's out of the picture.

Camille is not happy with me right now.

I used to have more fun with Claire Hunstable.

Now she was wild.

I remember one night I was going to have some Jell -O pudding. Chocolate, of

course.

I don't think Theo will be girl crazy for a while.

Why not, honey?

Well, let's just say he got his first look at a serious infection.

Oh, that poor boy.

I hope he's not scarred for life.

No, he'll bounce back.

He's a chip off the old block.

Well, you know, honey, I'm all clean and fresh down there.

Can I take a peek?

You most certainly can, Doctor.

I saw a monster.

I saw a monster.

Rudy, what did we tell you about coming in without knocking? I know, but the

monster was chasing me.

Well, you're safe in here, sweetheart.

Can I speak with you tonight?

No, because the monster just went home.

Of course you can, Rudy.

I thought I was going to get a little chocolate pudding.

I love pudding.

Well, let me take you and show you that the monster is gone.

Well, I guess I'll have to make my own chocolate pudding.

Oh, yeah.

So tell me, Mr. Cosby, why should we believe you are innocent of all of these

allegations?

Because it's all a lie.

You're saying that all 643 of these women are lying?

You're old enough to remember the Cosby show, right?

I am a good man, a wholesome man.

I've raised good kids. I'm a good father.

Sandra and Vanessa made the honor roll.

But those aren't your children. They were characters in a TV show.

I remember one night Denise came home because her friends were having an orgy.

You know how young folks can be.

But I was so proud of Denise standing up for herself that evening.

But that was TV writers doing all of that. You had nothing to do with that.

That was Will Ryder. Shut the fuck up.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

Her mother and I taught her solid values.

And she didn't get pregnant until she married that dipshit, Lenny Kravitz.

I know where babies come from.

Yes, they come from storks.

Now, Cliff, Rudy knows that the babies don't come from storks.

Okay.

They come from the Sears and Roebuck catalog.

How big is Livingston's baby?

Eight pounds, seven ounces of bouncing baby girl.

That's nice, Dad.

Just think, Denise, pretty soon you can have your own baby after you marry

Malik. Rudy, don't you think you're rushing Denise just a bit?

Vanessa's right. Your sister's going to go to college and build a satisfying

career for herself before she has a baby.

Did Mrs. Livingston build a satisfying career?

No. She went straight from flunking out of community college to marrying a Wall

Street millionaire.

That's what I want to do.

Rudy, you'll do no such thing. You're going to get a good education.

Denise?

Have a good time at the slumber party. And don't be home too late.

Is midnight okay?

That's fine.

I remember when I was Denise's age.

Girls, do you know that one time your father and a few of his pathetic friends

tried to crash our slumber party?

Wow, Dad, you were such a rebel.

Cliff. Do you remember when my father kicked you out of the house and threw

head first into a snowbank?

Is that what that was?

A snowbank.

Now I thought I'd had a head -on collision with the white Cadillac.

That's what you get for messing with the ladies, Dad.

Hi, Denise.

Hi, Malik.

Wow, you look really handsome tonight.

Melody. Huh? I thought this was supposed to be girls only.

Well, yeah, but I thought having a few guys over might, you know, spice up the

night.

Oh. Check out John and Charmaine over there.

Watch them.

Oh, my God. They're getting it on right in front of everybody.

I know. They're beautiful, aren't they?

Beautiful?

They barely even know that guy.

If you love me, you'll take care of me the same way.

Oh, really?

Is that what this is about?

Malik, I told you I did not want to be pressured into having sex.

Denise, I've been such a prude.

Oh, I'm being a prude?

No, I'm not being a prude, but I am going to get out of here.

Denise!

Hey, where did Denise go?

She went home.

It wasn't feeling so good. Oh, that's too bad.

To be honest with you, I'm not surprised.

In fact, in my opinion, you're too much of a man for her anyway.

Oh shit!

Spit on it.

Make me.

Make me.

Fuck her face. Fuck her face. Yes.

Yes, yes,

yes, there you go.

Do it

Jenny's face. Please kill my face.

Oh, my God.

This fucking pussy is amazing.

Isn't that pretty?

This is fucking gorgeous.

Oh,

my God.

I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you.

Here. Oh,

shit.

Oh, yeah.

All right, Taylor, we need you to help with this. Here.

Can I help you with this?

Ride it, baby.

Ride it.

Oh, my God.

This is so good. Yeah.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Oh, my God.

Look at her. She's keeping the arms back.

Oh, she's keeping those arms back. She's a fucky -ass.

Oh, yeah. It's good.

Oh, sure, yeah.

Yes. Yeah,

you found a friend, my man.

Oh,

shit.

Touch your little body while you fuck his dick.

Oh, God.

Touch your little body while you fuck his dick. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Eat my fucking ass.

There's an ass -eating request out there. I love that.

Yes. Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

You had a wet little pussy before?

I do, yeah.

Look at her. Look at her.

Oh, shit.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

Holy shit.

Oh, fuck.

Yes. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

Yes. Yes.

Yes. Oh, fuck.

Oh, yes. You can lick those balls. Yes.

Holy shit. Throw my dick away. Yeah, I like it.

Oh, fuck.

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, yes.

Fuck, I'm going to take you home to me.

Is she licking your pussy good?

Yeah.

Listen, I'll take her pussy.

It's good.

It's good. It's good. Oh, yes.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Yeah,

I want to fucking feel every inch. Yeah, get it.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, my God.

That's good.

That's good.

Big difference.

It works better. I mean, it gets your buzz better that way.

When you drink it all.

As drink it, drink it. Ah, drink it.

Yes.

So, you're about the same age as Denise was in the 80s.

What kind of girl is Denise?

Denise was a typical horny young lady.

I'm horny all the time.

Of course you are.

That's why you're over here at my place. Aw.

Yes.

Tell me about Denise.

Haven't you seen my television show?

No, I haven't seen it.

Well, Denise was a beautiful young lady.

But once she went away to Hillman College, her hormones began to rage.

I once got a letter from the dean saying that Denise was making love so much

that she was starting to get a reputation.

If you know what I mean.

Drink up. More. Yes.

Yes. Wonderful.

Let it take effect. Yes.

It's Theo.

Look, I'm sorry to bother you when you're studying, but I'm in a bit of

What kind of trouble?

Well, I was supposed to intern at Dad's office, but this human resources guy has

this killer named Guido, and all the strippers and prostitutes, and the time

score's really scary, and I... Whoa, whoa, Theo.

Slow down. Get a grip.

Strippers, prostitutes, what's going on?

All I wanted to do was intern at Dad's office.

Okay. Okay, relax.

Don't do anything stupid. I'm going to be home this weekend. We'll talk about

then, okay?

Okay, Benita.

Bye.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah.

The phone does not receive text.

It's a lot older.

Yes.

Of course.

Of course your name is not Theo.

I know your real name is Malcolm.

But sometimes it's fun to reminisce.

Remember the time when you wanted to be a gynecologist?

Now that was funny.

Yes, Theo.

Vagina is a lot of fun.

This is an examination table.

It is not a toy.

And I don't want to see you riding it like a bull.

Okay, Jack.

Over here are the tools of the trade.

Yes. These are also not toys.

These are used to probe inside the woman's vagina during the examination.

Have you ever seen a woman's vagina?

Sure, Jack.

They're clean magazines.

That's fine.

But the real vaginas are totally different from the ones in the magazine.

What's the difference?

Real vaginas are not airbrushed. Real vaginas are not shaped like plucked

chickens. And real vaginas come with all sorts of medical problems and

conditions.

Okay, Dad, I'm ready. Let's start.

Relax, son.

This is not a race.

I just want you to observe and take some mental notes.

Our first patient should be here any minute now.

Hello, Mrs. Rose.

This is my son, Theo.

He is returning here at the clinic. Do you mind if he observes?

No, not at all. Are you going to be a doctor, too?

Yeah, I'm thinking about it. That is wonderful.

Mrs. Rose, could you please lie back?

Please give my regards to your husband.

Wow.

That's incredible.

Son,

do you mind?

Sorry, Dad.

Dr. Hudson, I have a yellowish discharge.

Well, let me take a look.

Hmm. Oh, my. Oh, boy. Hmm.

Yes.

Oh, my.

Call, please.

Okay.

Well, Mrs. Rose, I'm going to have to put you on penicillin for as you have an

infection.

Intern Huxtable, do you see the infection?

Yeah, Dad, I think so.

Refer to me as Doctor.

Do you see it?

Yes. doctor?

The yellowish green discharge.

Do you see it?

I... Look at it.

I think I'm going to be sick.

That's my boy.

Introducible.

Yes, Mr. Hargarden.

How far apart are your wife's contractions?

Okay. I'll meet you and Mrs. Hargarden at the hospital in about 15 minutes.

Goodbye.

Mrs. Hargarden's having a baby?

No, she's having a lizard.

Of course she's having a baby.

Can I come watch?

Theo?

Child? Full birth is not a spectator sport.

Plus, I need you to stay here and wait for my next patient.

And please tell Mrs.

Valentina that I'm sorry, but I have to reschedule her appointment for later.

Okay, Dad.

She's from Spain. She doesn't speak much English, but she's very pretty.

After seeing the whole Miss Rose situation, I don't think I'm all that

to women anymore.

Well, I think Mrs.

Valentina will make you reconsider.

But I need you to tidy up a bit before you leave.

And I'll see you back at home later.

Okay, Dad.

Have you seen my umbrella?

Oh, I'm sorry, but Dr.

Huxtable, he left for the hospital.

Oh, I see, Doctor.

So, can you check me out, please?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mrs. Valentina.

I'm not a doctor.

You look like a doctor.

A very cute doctor.

But I'm not a... Yes.

Yes, I am.

A doctor.

Right this way, please, Mrs. Valentino.

Would you please take your panties off?

Sure.

And, um, please sit up here.

Excellent. Feet up in the air.

Great.

So, um, what seems to be the problem?

Nah, no problem. Just the writer, Sam, and Sweden.

Okay.

Give my regards to your husband.

Husband? I'm not married.

Really? I mean, that's too bad.

No, it's wonderful.

What's that?

Doctor, do you like my pussy?

Yeah.

Yes, I like it very much.

How often do you get laid?

Not a lot.

That's too bad.

Would you like to make love to me?

Are you serious?

Yes, I'm very serious.

Actually... It's been a fantasy of mine.

Go ahead.

Kiss my pussy.

Are you sure?

Kiss it. I won't tell Dr. Hospital.

You like that?

Oh, yeah.

I don't know

That's so good.

That's so good.

That's so good.

Jesus Christ.

Feel her, baby.

Oh my god.

You like that? I love that.

Oh my God, I love it.

I love your hands.

I love your hands. I love your hands.

Wow.

You're reading my mind. Yeah.

Yeah. That little heart you made me? Uh -huh.

Mr. Cosby, there are all sorts of lurid accusations leveled against you. What

defense do you have?

You know, I'm a pretty big star.

And these bitches, I mean, these fine ladies, may not totally remember the

if they were all amped up on drugs.

Yes. But they're all contending that you slipped them mickeys, you drugged them.

The only thing I slipped them was my Johnson.

Aha.

I mean, I slipped them my phone number so that they could procure work in the

entertainment industry.

Yes. Sir, was that a Freudian slip?

Is that the old crazy white dude?

Hey, who knows?

Maybe the women were dreaming.

Do you expect to excuse all of this?

By saying it was just women's dreams?

I remember when Claire had a really powerful dream.

We were taking Denise on a tour to Hillman College.

Yes, good old Hillman College. Lots of bad bitches at Hillman College.

My goodness, this dorm room looks exactly like it did when I lived here

years ago.

You mean to tell me that this is the exact same dorm room you lived in your

freshman year? That's right, Denise. Room number 224.

Boy, if these walls could talk.

I'm sure they scream.

Now, Chris, stop it. You know I was a very studious student.

You act as though the only things that went on here were studying and sleeping.

That is exactly what I'm saying.

Now, Cliff, what are you doing?

I don't want to get hit by the lightning.

What about Boom Boom Henderson?

Boom Boom Henderson?

Yes, Denise.

Your mother used to have a crush on this big, ugly dude from England named Boom

Boom Henderson.

Why did they call him Boom Boom?

Because his IQ was so low, it kept hitting the floor.

Now, Cliff, you're not right. You know that Boom Boom went on to accomplish

great things.

You know that he's an inventor now.

Maybe he should invent a higher IQ.

I think there's more to the story than your mother is letting on.

Oh, really?

Yes.

I'm going to go out and check the running track.

I'll let you two ladies sit and talk about Boom Boom.

So, Mom, tell me more about this Boom Boom.

Well, your father only knows about half the story.

All the girls in school were in love with him. And when he asked me to the

homecoming dance, I nearly lost my wits.

So did you date him long?

Long enough to upset your father.

It was a long time ago.

But sometimes, it seems like it was only yesterday.

I can't date you, Boom Boom.

You know, I'm pretty sweet on Cliff Huxtable.

Oh, forget about that wimp.

You'll only forget about him by next semester anyway.

You'll remember me for the rest of your life.

Here, Claire.

Take a sip of wine.

Stop it! You know I don't drink.

What are you doing?

Oh, come on, Claire.

Yeah, I've got to see you out of this dress, Claire.

You've got a smoking body.

Yeah. Oh, my

God. Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

hell yeah. Oh, yeah. Do you like that? Yeah.

um

That's it, baby.

Oh, I hate Claire.

Oh, I hate Claire.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

Oh, you.

Yes.

Oh, put your tongue out, Claire. Put your tongue out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I said joking.

Oh, oh, oh, fuck. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

That's it, baby. Just like that. Oh, fuck yes. Good girl.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, yes.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, my God.

That's it.

Good girl.

Let's see, Claire.

Oh, suck that dick, Claire.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, Claire.

Yes.

Yes.

You want to wipe the dick, Claire?

Yeah. You want to wipe the cock?

You want to ride this dick, baby? Yeah.

Yeah? Come on, babe.

Oh, my goodness.

Open your mouth.

I was just reminiscing a bit.

You never finish the story.

And, Denise, I never, ever will finish it.

Remember, you're here to get an education.

Now let's go find your father.

Mr. Cosby, you always played such a fine and decent man in wholesome, family

-friendly entertainment.

How do you contend with the accusations that you used to watch other people have

sex, even if that meant breaking into their houses?

That's rubbish.

I never broke into anyone's home. I did have the keys to a lot of rental

properties that I owned. Like any good landlord, I used to accidentally walk in

on people making love.

Accidentally walk in on people.

I remember this one time I was going to pick the thing, and I spotted a

beautiful young lady and a boyfriend about to make love.

Mr. Cosby, you don't truly expect the public to believe that you, A,

do maintenance on your own properties, and B, accidentally

walked in on young people about to make love.

No, really, it's true.

There was a time when I went to one of my properties to fix the garbage

disposal, and I thought that there was no one there, but there were.

There they were, right in front of me, about to make love.

It was such a thrill to be in front of such young love.

Oh, thank you.

Yes.

Yes.

Relax your mouth. Just take it as deep as you can.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes, oh

Fuck me.

Mm.

Yes.

Mm. Mm -hmm.

Oh, yes.

Mm.

Oh. Oh.

Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

No.

Oh, yes.

Yes. Mmm.

Yeah.

We're all going to get in trouble.

I'm so grateful.

Let's open it.

Thank you.

Oh, God.

Oh,

shit. Oh,

fuck.

Come on.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh, God.

Yes.

Fuck. I'm going to come, baby.

I'm going to come.

You want to come with me? Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes.

And are those the only times you intruded upon lovemaking?

Well, I do seem to recall the time when I was taking money to one of Denise's

girlfriends at school who was having a little trouble paying rent.

I would give her money in exchange for favors.

What kind of favors?

You know, like coming over and shoveling the snow.

Things like that.

Mr. Cosby.

You are delusional. It doesn't snow in Los Angeles.

I guess you've never partied with Sammy Davis Jr.

Tell us more.

I remember Denise's friend was having sex...

Bye.

Bye.

I have those big man fingers in there.

Well, hey, babe.

Feel free to take off your bra and panties.

I thought you'd never ask.

Me and Sammy Davis Jr.

never asked.

Ah, wonderful.

Yes.

I think I'll go and fix us another cocktail.

Use these until I come back with the cocktails.

Thank you, Mr. Cosby.

Loves me some white pussy.

Mr.

Cosby, I have to ask.

Was it all worth it?

Your fame turned to infamy.

Your riches will soon be gone.

You were America's favorite dad.

And, for Christ's sakes, you sold us jello pudding. Is there anything you

left to say?

Guess I was putting the dick where it don't belong