Original subtitles

[music playing]

Turning the school gym into a venue worthy of our new members

dinner is quite a challenge, but perhaps we

can cover up the basketball hoops

with a few tasteful facades.

Brilliant, Randolph.

Facades would be perfect for covering something up.

Why does Sam have to do join every nerdy club at school?

Oh yes, Sam, I agree that Japanese blow fish is

an exotic dish, but hardly appropriate for guests

who didn't ask to risk their lives at dinner.

Now after dinner, the club will want to enjoy

some music and dancing.

OK, now this is definitely my department.

Check this out.

No doubt, but I think that on a formal occasion, we

class members might want to enjoy something

a little more traditional.

Like the tango.

Care to give it a try?

Randolph!

I am so sorry.

My fault. I should have known you

wouldn't be familiar with the proper steps to a real dance.

I am so, so uncultured.

You are not, Sam.

Come on, let's blow this snooze fest

and have some real fun at the Beverly Hills glamour fair.

Glamour fair?

So everyone can laugh at me?

I don't think so.

I'm not showing my face in public

again until I am presentable.

We are going to charm school.

Remember, Samantha, proper elocution and good posture

are the keys to making a good impression.

Repeat after me: may I offer you a cup of orange Darjeeling tea?

You try.

May I offer you a cup of orange Darjeeling tea?

Try it again, only with your nose held higher in the air.

May I offer you a cup of tea?

May I offer you a cup of tea?

Better.

Now for posture, we'll use this Beverly Hills phone book

to practice exemplary locomotion.

These exemplary manners are so bogus.

It's like it's not even Sam.

I know.

She's only doing it to charm Randolph.

He should be trying to charm her.

May I offer you a cup of orange Darjeeling tea?

Now, where did they Ladies?

It isn't polite to leave without bidding adieu.

Well, spies, this is the first.

I seem to have interrupted you at high tea.

Not at all.

May I offer you a cup of orange Darjeeling?

Why yes.

And my compliments, Sam, I rather

like this new persona of yours.

Really?

You can tell I'm different?

Absolutely.

You remind me a bit of my mother.

Ouch!

Now, about today's mission.

Not much to go on, I'm afraid.

Simply a rash of incidents involving petty vandalism,

beatings with clubs, spontaneous primitive behavior,

if you like.

You're sending us on a mission to round

up a few misbehaving yahoos?

Must be a slow day on the world domination front.

Although the incidents are relatively minor,

they are becoming frequent enough

for WOOP to be concerned.

In fact, there seems to be an incident in progress

at the Beverly Hills Mall.

Our mall?

Yes.

You'd better get there as soon as you have your gadgets.

Gladys?

Today you'll be using fashionable heat sensor motion

detector sunglasses, a laser nail file, and the tornado

blast hair dryer.

And you'll be prepared for all kinds of weather, including

acid rain with this compact collapsible Teflon-coated

armored umbrella.

All right then, off you go to the mall.

And remember, no shopping.

You're on duty.

We're too late.

Our mall's been destroyed.

What happened?

A riot?

Looting?

Clearance sale?

Listen!

Sounds like whoever did this is still around.

I don't see anything.

Wait.

There, by the shoe store!

Hey, you big ape!

I don't think they have your size.

You're gonna have to be quicker than that, nature boy.

They may be slow, but they sure are sturdy.

Whoever or whatever they are, their elocution and posture

are terrible.

Not to mention their sense of fair play.

Hey, what's that?

Um...

Phew, not a real tiger.

But if these uncivilized troglodytes

are as dumb as they look, a hologram should do the trick.

That should prove I'm ahead of them

on the evolutionary scale, though I

guess that's not saying much.

Hey, you big ignoramus!

Don't you know hair-pulling is impolite?

Let her go, or--

Alex, think of something!

He's pulling my hair out by the root.

Don' worry, Sam, I can outwit this ape man.

Are you OK, Sam?

Nothing a weave can't fix.

This goon got that spear from a little guy

who didn't look like the others, but I don't see anyone now.

He must have cleared out with the rest of the mob.

Then this is the only ape man we have left.

Let's get a look at him.

It's Randolph!

It is Randolph!

So do we take him back to WOOP for questioning

or drop him off at the zoo?

Alex, can't you see the poor boy's not himself?

Looks like he had a reverse make over.

He's waking up!

I can't believe you guys have Randolph on a leash.

Enough clowning around, I'm calling Jer.

Good afternoon, spies.

Anything to report?

We snagged one of the mall wreckers, Jer, but get this--

he's a boy at school that Sam's hot for.

Really?

I would have thought that Sam would

be associating with a better class of people

than a common hooligan.

He's not a hooligan!

He's president of C-L-A-S-S.

A well-mannered, sophisticated human being

who likes to eat wax fruit.

Well let's have a look at him, shall we?

It appears this Randolph person is a cave man.

What?

According to the measurements I've just taken,

particularly the size of his cranium,

he has all the physical characteristics

of a Neanderthal.

We just saw him yesterday and he was the most

sophisticated guy in school.

So someone's shrinking smart people's brains to turn

them into primitive cave men?

Why would anyone do that?

Good question, Clover.

Do you have any other clues?

Well there's this spear he was carrying.

Not a very modern looking weapon, is it?

Here it is.

This spear looks exactly like the one

at the anthropology department of Beverly

Hills community college.

Then get to the school right away

and see if there's a connection.

I'll have Randolph brought to WOOP to see if we can reverse

the brain shrinking process.

I hope you can, for Sam's sake, or the class dinner

is going to be really interesting.

I hope we solve this case before the glamor fair is over.

I want to ride that new coaster, the curling iron.

According to the school directory,

this is the office of the guy in charge

of artifacts, Professor Link.

I'm not sure this guy is even a real professor.

I mean, look at all these bogus diplomas.

The mail order college of Micronesia?

Couldn't he get into Tijuana Tech?

Actually, Link's been rejected by just about everybody:

Harvard, Princeton, that exclusive club

for people with high IQs.

Listen to this from the Journal of Anthropology:

"Professor Link's theories don't even qualify

as third rate scholarship.

If he were a first year student, Link would probably

fail just for bad spelling."

Poor guy, I kind of feel sorry for him.

Looks like he's smart enough to lose a TV quiz show.

Hey, this guy could almost be the one I saw with a spear

in the mall.

In which case he's met Professor Link before.

Unless that little guy is Professor Link.

But why would he keep a picture of himself losing?

I don't know.

Same reason he kept all these rejection letters.

There's definitely something weird about him.

It's A real cave.

Or at least a real artificial one.

Wow, it looks like something you'd see in a museum.

It's so authentic.

These stone tools, the cave paintings,

those primitive people.

Yeah, it looks like they're making

real weapons by a real fire.

They are real and so are their weapons!

We're trapped!

OK, we've got ourselves out of tougher spots

before, we can get out of this one.

Right? - Maybe we don't have to.

Look.

Professor Link, I resume.

Great Great idea scaring the cave man

with that dumb costume, Link.

You're smarter than you look.

That's Professor Link, and soon I shall be

the smartest man in the world.

Grab them!

I think we found our bad guy.

We might have guessed you were behind this if it wasn't

for all those bogus degrees.

Yeah, all the bad guys we now are real evil geniuses, not

fake ones.

And snappier dressers.

Where did you find that bad guy outfit?

At a rummage sale?

You underestimate me.

Well, no one will ever do that again, not when I devolve

the entire human species.

OK, I'll bite.

Why?

After years of rejection by the academic world,

I tried to make myself smarter by expanding

my brain capacity with this.

Unfortunately, my microwave emitter had the opposite effect

and I decided to become the most intelligent

person on the planet by making everyone else dumber.

That's clever.

Not very ambitious, but clever.

Look around you.

These cretins were once the physics faculty at the Beverly

Hills community college.

Don't believe me?

I'll give you a little demonstration.

This is the head of the astronomy department.

By using the jumbo version of my device,

I'll have Beverly Hills in the Stone Age

by the end of the day, and it won't be long before I

devolve the entire world.

Except for me, of course.

We're going to be cave girls, eating raw meat

and wearing animal skins.

Oh, don't worry.

I have other plans for you three.

You're going to go the way of the dinosaurs.

Perhaps some future paleontologist

will discover your old fossils in about a million years or so.

Ta ta!

We've got to think of something quick,

these fumes are starting to make me woozy.

We've got the tornado blast hair dryer.

I could use it to blow us away from the pit.

If we could just cut our hands free.

Hey, I picked up a flint arrowhead

during the last fight.

What?

I thought it would make a pretty necklace.

Get set, Sam, she's almost through.

Now let's stop Link before Beverly Hills is filled

with hordes of empty headed idiots

walking around with trashy clothes and vacant stares.

Must Listen, that must be the sound of Professor

Link's brain shrinking device.

He's already started it up.

But from where?

It's gotta be somewhere up high

There, the Ferris wheel at the glamour fair

is the highest point around.

Let's go!

Everyone in Beverly Hills has been turned into cavemen.

Not everyone.

Look!

I wonder why we're not being affected.

There's a rude caveman on the roof.

I'll get him.

Alex, wait!

Got him!

It's the SUV.

We're protected as long as we stay inside.

Alex!

Get in here.

You're starting to turn into a cave chick out there.

Look!

You know, I think it's time I plucked my eyebrow.

Let's get outta here!

Alex, I know the ray has already affected your brain,

but stay under the umbrella, got it?

Alex!

Wow, that's a really big wheel.

She's got the right idea.

If we're going to stop Professor Link, we have to get up there.

So the spies have escaped.

No matter, you can take care of them, my faithful Neanderthals.

Like this.

It's hard enough climbing with umbrella without those goons

shooting arrows at us.

We can make it as long as they don't throw

anything heavier than that.

We're never gonna make it up there.

No, but Alex is almost at the axle.

If we can just get her to cut through the bolt

with her laser nail file.

The whole thing will come crashing down.

Alex!

Cut through the axle!

Your laser nail file!

Use it!

Now cut through the axle bolt!

They're toppling the wheel!

Get down there and stop them!

Sammy!

Alex did it!

The whole Ferris wheel's coming down!

Here Jerry?

You're a caveman too?

Um, not quite.

Fortunately, the brain shrinking device

was unable to penetrate WOOP headquarters

and the only staff affected were those outside on coffee breaks,

including me.

But you did save the rest of Southern California

from being sent back to the Stone Age.

Oh, I have a question.

Oh yeah, um, me stay this way?

Happily, we found a way to reverse

the brain shrinking process.

It's been successfully tested on Randolph

and everyone affected by Link's ray

should make a full recovery with no memory of being cavemen,

of course.

Then Randolph's okay!

Um, and your buddy Alex?

In case you care?

Yeah, of course.

Good evening, so glad you could come.

Lovely dress.

Welcome to the C-L-A-S-S dinner.

You can save the proper lady act for stuff Randolph.

Speaking of which, where is Randolph?

I haven't seen him yet.

He's supposed to be taking care of the music.

This should get those uptight new recruits to loosen up.

Randolph, you're not the same old you.

Nope, the stuffy boring old Randolph is gone for good.

I don't know why I kept my wild side bottled up for so long.

Come on, Sam, let's dance!

Um, maybe later.

Suit yourself.

Looks like Randolph still has a little bit

of residual caveman in him.

It's nothing a few charm lessons can't cure, right Sam?

I don't think the old Randolph is ever coming back.

Hey Randolph, lemme show you how to really dance!

I hope you brought your steel-toed boots.

I think I've learned something with

this whole Neanderthal mission.

It's not so important to be all flawlessly styled

with perfectly applied makeup.

I mean, hello, it's totally normal-- healthy, in fact--

to just roll out of bed and relax into the day.

Clover, varsity quarterback Rick is here to see you!

Lipstick!

Hair clip!

I'll be healthy tomorrow.

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