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1
00:00:07,424 --> 00:00:10,510
- Can you guys
come with me for a minute?
2
00:00:10,552 --> 00:00:12,554
I know you saw me
with the senator.
3
00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:15,640
I think I'm in love,
possibly for the first time.
4
00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:18,435
So, yes, Senator Lipton
and I are having an affair.
5
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,396
I hope that I can count
on your sensitivity,
6
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:24,816
maturity, and discretion.
7
00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:29,195
[splat]
8
00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:33,199
Why?
9
00:00:41,916 --> 00:00:44,961
[cheerful music]
10
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:52,010
{\an8}? ?
11
00:01:03,146 --> 00:01:04,481
- All right, good--
yeah, just sell it
12
00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:06,274
and get the best price
you can, okay?
13
00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:08,068
- Or we can hope
for a holiday rally?
14
00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:09,778
- Mike, I'm not
a day trader.
15
00:01:09,861 --> 00:01:12,113
I'm just a first responder
in a disaster.
16
00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:14,616
- Andy's family had
a total meltdown.
17
00:01:14,657 --> 00:01:15,950
{\an8}His dad blew through
all their money
18
00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:17,786
{\an8}and took off to Argentina
with a younger woman.
19
00:01:17,869 --> 00:01:19,371
{\an8}- And his brother,
Walt Jr.,
20
00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:20,789
{\an8}locked himself
in the wine cellar.
21
00:01:20,872 --> 00:01:22,749
{\an8}- The weirdest part is Andy.
22
00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:24,793
{\an8}The aftermath got
dumped on him,
23
00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:27,962
{\an8}and the way he's been
handling it is just so...
24
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,923
{\an8}- Competent.
- Right?
25
00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:31,299
{\an8}- Are the Nards hurtin'?
Yeah, you bet.
26
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:32,509
{\an8}Got kicked pretty hard.
27
00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:34,094
{\an8}Family shattered,
super sad.
28
00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:35,845
{\an8}But I'm kind of crushin' it
29
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,598
{\an8}in the damage-control
department, so that's cool.
30
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,850
{\an8}I wish my dad
could see me now.
31
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,019
{\an8}Of course, he caused
this whole mess, so...
32
00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:44,312
{\an8}[bleep] him.
33
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:45,939
{\an8}Mom, I know.
This is hard.
34
00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:48,024
{\an8}We just got to dig in
and soldier on.
35
00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:49,943
{\an8}Okay, I don't think
36
00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:53,530
{\an8}you're gonna have to sleep
in a boxcar.
37
00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:56,449
{\an8}Because hobos
don't do that anymore.
38
00:01:56,616 --> 00:02:00,787
{\an8}By the way, are hobos
still even a thing?
39
00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:03,456
{\an8}- It's hard finding the right
way to be there for a loved one
40
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:05,917
{\an8}when his family lost millions
of dollars.
41
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,712
{\an8}I googled "younger woman dad,
brother drunk, hobo mom,"
42
00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:09,963
{\an8}and it linked me
43
00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:12,132
{\an8}to Jon Voight's
Kickstarter account.
44
00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:16,136
{\an8}So I'm helping him get
a Panda Express now.
45
00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:18,555
{\an8}I just wish
I could help Andy, too.
46
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:19,723
{\an8}[sighs]
47
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,433
{\an8}- [giggling]
- Yeah, I know.
48
00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:25,270
{\an8}Listen, I'm--I get why
my situation is funny to you.
49
00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:27,814
{\an8}But I just--
- No, you do not get it, Oscar.
50
00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:30,942
{\an8}It's not funny.
It is hilarious.
51
00:02:31,026 --> 00:02:35,447
{\an8}Angela's like, "Oh, my husband
is such a good husband.
52
00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:37,907
{\an8}I love him so much,
and he loves me."
53
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,034
{\an8}- I know.
54
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:41,077
{\an8}- Meanwhile,
you and he are totally--
55
00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:42,912
{\an8}- Okay, okay, okay.
56
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:46,541
{\an8}But I need--I need you
to keep it a secret.
57
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,835
{\an8}- [laughs]
Good one.
58
00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:50,378
{\an8}No way.
- Listen, Kevin.
59
00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:52,422
{\an8}Kevin, listen to me.
60
00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:54,007
{\an8}I'm in love
with the senator.
61
00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:55,717
{\an8}And I need time
to sort this out
62
00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,802
{\an8}in a responsible manner.
63
00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:00,555
{\an8}So I need your help
in keeping it a secret,
64
00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:03,016
{\an8}because this means
the world to me.
65
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,517
{\an8}Okay?
66
00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:06,436
{\an8}- That's beautiful.
67
00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:08,646
{\an8}No, I-I totally get that.
68
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:11,441
{\an8}- Can you do this, Kevin?
69
00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:14,736
{\an8}- I really want to.
70
00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:17,155
Whatever happens,
always remember that.
71
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:18,782
- I don't know what that means.
Hey, hey.
72
00:03:18,823 --> 00:03:20,700
- Oh, great.
73
00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:24,704
Yeah, um, I'll get
right back to you.
74
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:26,581
Hey, guys,
has anyone ever heard
75
00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:28,541
of Iris Black on the radio?
76
00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:30,669
- Yeah, she hosts
the Dr. Laura Show.
77
00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:32,337
- Nope, that's Dr. Laura.
78
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:33,922
Well, her show, "Bizwhiz,"
79
00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:35,298
wants someone
from Dunder Mifflin
80
00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:36,591
to come on the air today.
81
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,927
Does anybody feel
particularly passionate
82
00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:40,261
about local business issues?
83
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:43,932
- I do. I do. I do.
I do. I do.
84
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,059
The media can make you famous.
85
00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:48,228
And do you have any idea
how easy it is
86
00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:50,480
to sell something
when you're famous?
87
00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:52,315
"Uh, yeah, wow.
88
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:56,152
"10 reams of 40-pound bond
at only $6.90 after discount?
89
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,780
Uh, whatever you say,
Brad Pitt."
90
00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:01,908
It's that easy.
91
00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:04,619
- Hey, so that good-looking
single brother of yours?
92
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,913
Heard he was in
a downward spiral with booze.
93
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:09,374
- Yeah.
He's in rehab, actually.
94
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,459
- Which place?
The one right near Philly?
95
00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:12,711
I could be there in an hour.
96
00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,087
- No, it's in New Mexico.
97
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,672
- Oh.
98
00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,632
So...
99
00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:19,384
how are you holding up?
100
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,261
- We're done, Meredith.
101
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,929
- Right.
102
00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:26,016
- [gibberish]
103
00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:27,684
Greta the tittle-tattle
prattled on
104
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:29,060
about the little metal bottle.
105
00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:30,228
- Oh, my God.
- She spat a bit of spittle--
106
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,604
- Dwight.
[all groaning]
107
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:33,440
- In a bitter battle--
Hey, hey.
108
00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:35,275
Stop questioning
my methods, okay?
109
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:39,320
I was chosen for this task
for a very good reason.
110
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:41,031
- No.
You chose yourself.
111
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,116
- Tricky Siskel spat a bit
of wicked biscuit
112
00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:44,826
in Nikki Sixx's
sticky whiskers.
113
00:04:44,909 --> 00:04:46,161
- When you talk to Iris,
114
00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:47,662
will you tell her
Stanley Hudson says hello?
115
00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,247
- No.
116
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,374
- Iris Black has not responded
to one of my fan letters,
117
00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:53,126
but I know that she reads them.
118
00:04:53,209 --> 00:04:56,046
If you're watching this,
Iris...
119
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:59,090
I'm your number-one fan.
120
00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:00,967
- All right, guys,
there's a lot of assets here
121
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:02,218
that my dad couldn't steal.
122
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:05,347
Now, first of all,
there is the family boat,
123
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,349
a 43-foot Tartan sloop.
124
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:09,851
My lawyer has lined up
a buyer in the Bahamas.
125
00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:12,354
The sale would cover
the cost of a condo
126
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:14,105
and living expenses
for my mom.
127
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,690
- Sounds great.
- Perfect.
128
00:05:15,774 --> 00:05:17,484
- Totally,
except it is a no-go.
129
00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:19,486
This boat was the heart
and soul of our family.
130
00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:21,738
So what else we got?
Non-boat ideas.
131
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:25,742
- You got about 15 grand
in silverware and...
132
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:26,868
napkin rings?
133
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,079
- Buh-bye.
Tea time is over.
134
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,581
- Oh, if your mom combines
cut-out coupons
135
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,667
with online coupons
on sales day,
136
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:36,336
she could get, like,
60 packages of ramen noodles
137
00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:37,504
for 5 bucks.
138
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:40,298
All flavors.
She could eat for a month.
139
00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:43,885
It does have a crazy amount
of sodium, though.
140
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:46,471
- Erin, um, Mrs. Bernard
141
00:05:46,554 --> 00:05:49,766
has become accustomed
to a certain lifestyle, and--
142
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:52,268
- What happened?
- Jammed.
143
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:54,062
- Excuse me a second.
- Could this day get worse?
144
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:55,480
- [laughs]
145
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:57,774
Yeah, I think this day
could get worse.
146
00:05:57,899 --> 00:06:01,403
- What does that mean?
- Kevin.
147
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:04,739
- I don't know
what you're talking about.
148
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:09,786
- Oh, hey, sorry.
149
00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,579
- All right,
what's the grand total?
150
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:12,914
Did we make our nut?
151
00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:15,500
- If we sell everything
but the boat,
152
00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:18,086
your mom should be set
for about six months.
153
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,338
- Guys, you don't understand.
154
00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:22,757
This boat's been in our family
since before I was born.
155
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:25,635
- Yeah, don't you guys
have that place
156
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,429
where you used
to spend your summers
157
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:29,139
and have all those memories?
158
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,099
- I worked at a Jiffy Lube.
- See?
159
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:32,976
I bet you wouldn't sell
that Jiffy Lube
160
00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:35,020
for all the money in the world,
would you, Darryl?
161
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:37,272
- I would if I owned it
and I went broke.
162
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,024
- All right.
Uh, all right.
163
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,984
I'm gonna tell the lawyer to
pull the trigger on the boat.
164
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,153
Yes, the boat means everything
to my family,
165
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,071
but we need the money.
166
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:46,823
Got the memories,
don't need the boat.
167
00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,408
Can't cry about it.
168
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,118
[voice breaking] What are you
gonna do--cry about it?
169
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,995
Excuse me.
170
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:54,956
- [gargling]
171
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:05,467
Voice frequency indicates where
you stand on the food chain.
172
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,052
[deep voice]
Predator.
173
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,553
[high-pitched voice]
Prey.
174
00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:12,265
[normal voice]
Predator that can pass as prey.
175
00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:14,768
That's where you want to be.
176
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:17,562
- Oh, okay.
No problem.
177
00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:19,856
Thanks.
178
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:22,525
Hey, guys, WPTU called.
The interview's off.
179
00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:24,569
They're opening
a new cupcake store
180
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:27,113
at the Steamtown Mall, and
Iris wants to cover that, so...
181
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,865
- Well, why don't I go
and tell Dwight,
182
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:32,410
so he can stop being
such a complete nipple?
183
00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:35,580
- He's gonna be disappointed.
- Yes, he is.
184
00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:38,917
And you know what?
We cannot let that happen.
185
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:44,923
- Fax?
186
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:49,094
- Oh, yeah.
Just--just a minute.
187
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:50,929
Watermelon teeth.
188
00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:53,014
This isn't how I would cheer up
just anyone,
189
00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:55,225
but it's a girlfriend's job
to know her man,
190
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,018
and I know Andy.
191
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:58,728
He is seriously juvenile.
192
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,480
- Cool.
193
00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:03,316
He's, like, 40, though, right?
- Oh, no.
194
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:06,027
He couldn't be
more than late 30s, tops.
195
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,279
- Awesome.
Have fun.
196
00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:14,661
- [trills lips]
Dunder Mifflin. Dunder Mifflin.
197
00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:15,912
Good, sounds--
198
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:18,873
[phone ringing]
199
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,003
This is Dwight Schrute.
200
00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:25,171
- Please hold for Ms. Black.
201
00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:27,090
[keyboard playing upbeat theme]
202
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,092
- [American accent]
And welcome back to "Bizwhiz."
203
00:08:29,134 --> 00:08:30,885
I'm Iris Black.
204
00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:32,470
On the line,
we have Dunder Mifflin
205
00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:34,806
senior sales associate
Dwight Schrute.
206
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:37,017
- Iris, thank you so much
for having me.
207
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,810
- [knocks]
208
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:42,731
Help! My teeth are
all messed up in my mouth.
209
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,107
[laughs]
210
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:45,567
- Did you need something?
211
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:49,279
- Oh, I just need
your signature on this.
212
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:50,822
- Okay.
213
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:52,907
- [sighs]
214
00:08:55,577 --> 00:08:57,370
- Thanks.
215
00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:03,918
- Okay, well, now I have
absolutely no idea what to do.
216
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:06,171
[high-pitched voice] Erin,
you got to give me a shot.
217
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,547
[normal voice]
Stop it.
218
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:10,717
Sorry.
219
00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,635
- Kevin, we're out
of 1138 forms.
220
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:13,887
Did you order more?
221
00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:16,514
- I did not.
222
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:18,391
- I don't know
why I'm surprised.
223
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:20,477
Literally nothing you could do
could surprise me anymore.
224
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,270
- Oh, really, Angela?
225
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:24,481
That's interesting...
226
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,150
'cause I do think
that I could surprise you.
227
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,818
[laughs]
228
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,820
I think that I could
surprise you all the--
229
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,197
- Ah!
230
00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:38,286
- Okay, this is harder
than I thought.
231
00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:42,749
Usually
things come easily to me.
232
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:47,170
I guess this is what life
is like for other people.
233
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,255
I have to go to the bathroom.
234
00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:51,424
- That doesn't surprise me.
235
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:53,385
- That actually wasn't
the worst cover.
236
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,470
I'd say at least once a week,
Kevin runs out of the room,
237
00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:57,806
shouting that he has to go
to the bathroom.
238
00:09:57,889 --> 00:10:01,559
- Oh! I have to go
to the bathroom!
239
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:03,978
[elevator bell dings]
I have to go to the bathroom!
240
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:08,149
[tires screeching]
241
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,284
- [whispering]
Hey.
242
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:20,662
I need to tell you a secret.
243
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,122
- [whispering]
Oh.
244
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:25,583
- My job is not very demanding.
245
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:26,751
Shh.
246
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,712
Listen...
247
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:30,547
if you ever have an emergency
248
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,465
or you need to take
a depressed boyfriend
249
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:34,467
out to lunch or something,
let me know.
250
00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:36,219
I'll cover the phones
for you, okay?
251
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:37,679
Shh.
- Wow.
252
00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:39,889
That is so nice of you.
- Well...
253
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,891
- But do you know
how to use the phone system?
254
00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:44,978
- Are you kidding me?
Check me out.
255
00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:47,647
[rubs hands together rapidly]
Let's get in here.
256
00:10:50,025 --> 00:10:51,693
[normal voice]
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pete.
257
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,069
- [normal voice] Very good.
- Huh?
258
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:55,363
- But what if you have to take
a phone message?
259
00:10:55,447 --> 00:10:56,656
[telephone rings]
- Lay it on me.
260
00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:58,116
- Take a pen.
- Mm-hmm.
261
00:10:58,241 --> 00:11:01,077
- Take a piece of paper.
Write down the message.
262
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,204
- Oh, I think there's...
263
00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:05,081
Yeah, there's someone
on the line, yeah.
264
00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:07,584
- Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin.
265
00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:10,879
- Iris, let me tell you--
David Wallace is the CEO,
266
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,047
but he's not hands-on.
267
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,548
- So the day-to-day operations
268
00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,467
are entirely
under your command?
269
00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:19,262
- "Entirely" is the perfect way
to describe it, Iris.
270
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,431
- Oh, let's talk
271
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,267
about your superstar salesman,
Jim Halpert.
272
00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:25,643
- Wait, what?
273
00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:26,603
No.
274
00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:28,396
What, Jim--Jim?
No.
275
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,482
No, not a superstar.
Uh-uh, no.
276
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,734
He is a complete moron, okay?
277
00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:34,402
- Oh, forgive me.
278
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:36,446
Clearly, I was given
wrong information.
279
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:37,530
- Yes.
280
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,866
- Now, how stupid
is he exactly?
281
00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:42,410
Where would you rate
his intelligence on a scale
282
00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:44,412
with Albert Einstein
at the top,
283
00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:46,748
going all the way down
to beet farmer?
284
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,792
- Wait, what?
Beet--beet--
285
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:52,295
No, lower, low--
way lower than beet farmer.
286
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:55,507
- Okay, so somewhere
between, uh, beet farmer
287
00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:57,926
and "Battlestar Galactica" fan?
288
00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:01,054
- No, no, Iris, no, your scale
is utterly wrong.
289
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:04,015
- Excuse me, I'm being told
by my sound engineer, Steve,
290
00:12:04,099 --> 00:12:07,018
that there is a clanking sound
coming from your end.
291
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,104
Does your shirt have buttons?
292
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:10,480
- Yes.
293
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:12,232
- I'm so sorry.
294
00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:14,234
We are going to have to ask you
to remove the shirt altogether.
295
00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:23,952
- Now, then, we were saying,
when my workers gather--
296
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,537
- Oh, I am so sorry.
297
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:28,498
I am told we are still having
problems, Mr. Schrute.
298
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,667
Your voice--it's sounding
a little feminine.
299
00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:31,960
- That's impossible.
300
00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:33,795
- Are you by any chance
wearing pants
301
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,547
with a metallic zipper?
302
00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:43,430
- Okay, who wants to go
for a super-fun lunch
303
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:44,973
with a super-fun girlfriend?
304
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,851
- Look, it's not
that I don't want--
305
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,686
- Okay, come on, I got someone
to cover the phones.
306
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,855
I heard on the radio
about a new cupcake place
307
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:55,150
we could go for dessert, perfect.
308
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:58,194
- All I ever wanted to do
was sail the damn thing.
309
00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,738
But Dad wouldn't let me.
310
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:03,199
He said, "you can't be
a skipper until you're a man."
311
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:05,035
You know,
I'd reach for the wheel,
312
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,745
and he'd just smack
my hand away.
313
00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:07,746
Well, guess what.
314
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:09,831
Now I'm the man
of the family,
315
00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:13,626
and we're selling
the damn thing.
316
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:15,670
So I'm never gonna have
the chance.
317
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:17,797
- Well, when does
the boat leave exactly?
318
00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:19,174
- Tonight.
319
00:13:19,257 --> 00:13:21,885
- Then screw lunch.
Let's go for a sunset sail.
320
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:25,180
- Yeah, right.
It's in Stamford, Connecticut.
321
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,182
We'd have to leave,
like, right now.
322
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,142
- Okay, well, then let's leave,
like, right now.
323
00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:30,852
- Yeah, okay.
- Yeah, okay.
324
00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:32,771
Let's go.
- Seriously?
325
00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:35,857
- Of course seriously.
Get your coat on.
326
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,400
- All right.
- All right.
327
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:38,526
- Let's do it.
- Let's do it.
328
00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:40,236
Yeah, boy!
329
00:13:40,362 --> 00:13:42,739
Guess who was totally there
for her boyfriend
330
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:46,159
when his family fell apart and
he was spiraling in despair.
331
00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:48,203
This little shorty!
332
00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:54,250
- [sighs]
The senator is exhausted.
333
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,919
This campaign
is wearing him out.
334
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,170
- It's a tough one.
335
00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:59,673
- That man he's up against
is so dirty,
336
00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:02,467
and the senator's just
pushing back as hard as he can.
337
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:05,303
- [groans]
Please stop.
338
00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:06,596
- What?
339
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:09,349
- Please stop.
340
00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:10,558
- But you know what?
341
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:12,519
The senator
always comes out on top.
342
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:14,104
- Angela, come on.
343
00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:16,106
- Anyways, last night,
he was so tired,
344
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,024
he just wanted
a little Mexican brought in.
345
00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:19,150
- [laughs]
346
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,361
I can't.
It's--it's too much.
347
00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:24,364
[laughing]
348
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:28,702
- I'm in big trouble.
349
00:14:28,827 --> 00:14:30,412
- Well, I...
350
00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:34,207
Yeah,
Oscar's in big trouble.
351
00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:41,256
- Okay, how is my voice now?
352
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:42,966
- I'm getting the all clear
from Steve.
353
00:14:43,091 --> 00:14:44,676
So we are good to go.
[door opens]
354
00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:47,178
- Uh, now let's talk business.
- Great, I would love nothing
355
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:48,805
more than that.
[camera shutter clicks]
356
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,765
- Good. So, Mr. Schrute,
what is your response
357
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,767
to the Consumer Product
Safety Commission
358
00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:55,228
that says Dunder Mifflin paper
is toxic?
359
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:57,981
- What?
No, that's impossible.
360
00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:01,401
- Reported symptoms include
headaches, loose bowels,
361
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:05,363
hot-dog fingers, spontaneous
dental hydroplosion,
362
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:08,283
and Benjamin Button syndrome.
363
00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:09,826
- This is gotcha journalism.
364
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:12,078
But you know what?
They're not gonna "gotch" me.
365
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,372
I'm sorry.
I deny all of these charges.
366
00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:16,416
How dare you?
This is scandalous.
367
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,376
I insist--
368
00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:20,337
- No, how dare you,
Mr. Schrute?
369
00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:22,172
Could I ask you
to lower your voice
370
00:15:22,297 --> 00:15:24,841
when you speak on the radio?
- I apologize.
371
00:15:24,883 --> 00:15:26,259
- Thank you.
372
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,136
- Ms. Black, I deny
all these charges.
373
00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:29,721
- Much too loud,
still much too loud.
374
00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:32,557
- ? There's New Canaan,
New London ?
375
00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:34,392
- ? It's where we get
our fun done ?
376
00:15:34,476 --> 00:15:36,144
- ? There's Westport
and Southport ?
377
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:37,937
- ? A lot
to fill your mouth-port ?
378
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:39,606
- ? And what's that
in my daybook? ?
379
00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:41,441
- ? Don't forget Old Saybrook ?
380
00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:45,904
both: ? And those are the towns
of Connecticut ?
381
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:48,198
[Andy chuckles]
382
00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:50,450
- Oh, punch buggy, blue.
- Ow.
383
00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:52,911
No more punch buggy.
384
00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:57,082
- It's clearly not
an accounting mistake.
385
00:15:57,165 --> 00:16:00,085
- Oh, Kevin.
- So...
386
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:02,212
- His gambling problem
must have resurfaced.
387
00:16:02,337 --> 00:16:04,381
I'm gonna have to send him home
388
00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:06,466
until I can do
an investigation.
389
00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:08,927
- Well, you got to do
what you got to do, so...
390
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,013
- This is slander, Ms. Black.
391
00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:13,890
Slander, I say.
392
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:17,268
I dare you to produce one
credible source about this.
393
00:16:17,394 --> 00:16:19,479
- Well, as it happens,
we have with us
394
00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:21,981
the foreman of your
Upstate New York paper mill,
395
00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:23,525
Sondra Mc--
Sondra Mick.
396
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,735
That is, in fact, your name.
397
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:27,278
[thudding and beeping]
398
00:16:27,404 --> 00:16:29,197
- I never get to use
the sound effects.
399
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,949
And this keyboard
has everything.
400
00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:32,409
Why, look, look up ahead.
401
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,160
{\an8}I think it's
Old MacDonald's farm.
402
00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:35,620
{\an8}[laser blasts]
403
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,330
{\an8}[ship horn blows]
Shoot.
404
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,916
{\an8}[zany sound effects play]
What number is it?
405
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,042
- [New York accent]
Good afternoon, Iris.
406
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,419
It's a pleasure.
407
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,212
- I'll get straight
to the point.
408
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,256
Is your paper toxic?
- No, the paper's not toxic...
409
00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:47,298
- Thank you, Sondra!
410
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,426
- Unless it's exposed
to oxygen.
411
00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:51,219
Then it becomes
extremely toxic.
412
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,470
- Do not listen to her!
413
00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:54,389
This employee
is obviously disgruntled.
414
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,975
- What the heck is going on?
The stock price is plummeting.
415
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,810
Are you gonna get control
of the message,
416
00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:00,687
or do I have to send in someone
who understands the media?
417
00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:02,188
- Get out of here, moron!
- Okay.
418
00:17:02,272 --> 00:17:04,190
- Uh, excuse me, Mr. Dwight,
who are you talking to?
419
00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:05,734
- Uh, no one.
420
00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:07,402
- Did you just call Ms. Mick
a moron?
421
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:08,820
- No, everything's fine.
422
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:10,155
- Are you insulting my guests?
423
00:17:10,238 --> 00:17:12,741
- [sighs]
424
00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:19,122
[telephone rings]
425
00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:23,001
[receiver clatters]
- Oh, hi, Toby.
426
00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:25,795
Okay.
I will be right there.
427
00:17:25,837 --> 00:17:27,213
[receiver clatters]
428
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:28,923
Hey, Oscar.
429
00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:30,884
What if I'm getting
a promotion?
430
00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:32,635
- I hope that's it, Kevin.
431
00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:34,054
- Me too,
432
00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:37,390
'cause then
I would get my own office
433
00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:40,935
and I wouldn't screw up
your secret with Angela.
434
00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:43,772
I've been really worried
about that.
435
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:52,614
- Hi, Kevin.
Look, I need to talk to you--
436
00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:55,575
- Hi.
- Guys, excuse me.
437
00:17:55,617 --> 00:17:57,452
Um, a quick word?
Please, just--
438
00:17:57,535 --> 00:17:59,621
- Oscar, we're in the middle
of talking.
439
00:17:59,662 --> 00:18:01,998
- I know. I'm so sorry.
Snack machine, on me.
440
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:04,084
- Oh, that is nice.
441
00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:07,712
[chuckles]
Classy move.
442
00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:09,255
- That's what I'm saying!
443
00:18:09,339 --> 00:18:10,924
No, of course not!
[door opens]
444
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:13,468
Wha--
- What are you doing?
445
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,847
- Those figures I gave you,
they're false.
446
00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:19,641
- No.
447
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:21,726
- I was mad at Kevin.
448
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:25,188
We had a fight,
and I acted vindictively.
449
00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:27,774
- So you set him up.
450
00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:29,984
- Yes, he's innocent.
- Oh...
451
00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:31,736
I knew it.
452
00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:34,030
I knew it from the beginning,
this was a possibility.
453
00:18:34,072 --> 00:18:36,074
- What are you talking about?
I just did this now.
454
00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:38,618
- Oh, no, a few years ago,
455
00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:40,245
when I was on the jury,
the Scranton Strangler...
456
00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:41,705
- Sure.
457
00:18:41,830 --> 00:18:43,498
- I always thought
he might have been set up,
458
00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:45,500
but I felt pressured
to convict.
459
00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:47,377
- That's got to be tough.
- "Tough"?
460
00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:49,963
I put an innocent man
on death row.
461
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,633
- Those guys are always guilty
about something,
462
00:18:53,717 --> 00:18:55,051
so don't sweat it.
463
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:57,512
And... thank you.
464
00:18:57,554 --> 00:19:01,725
- Oscar, please,
I need to talk about this.
465
00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:03,810
Am I going to hell?
466
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:06,354
- [sighs]
I don't know.
467
00:19:06,521 --> 00:19:08,023
- You don't know?
468
00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:09,691
- The fallout from
this morning's revelation
469
00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:11,026
continues to mount.
470
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:12,986
Since Mr. Dwight Schrute
began speaking,
471
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:16,364
Dunder Mifflin share prices
fell 73%.
472
00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:18,074
On the line now
473
00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:20,368
is a delegation
of Dunder Mifflin shareholders.
474
00:19:20,452 --> 00:19:21,911
- Hey, what happened
to the stock price?
475
00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:23,455
- This is not right!
476
00:19:23,538 --> 00:19:25,457
- No, no, there's no need
to involve the shareholders.
477
00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:27,208
[indistinct shouting on phone]
Uh, okay, everyone--
478
00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:29,586
hey, hey, stop yelling, everyone.
479
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,421
- Mr. Schrute, shareholders
demand accountability
480
00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:32,964
from corporate leadership.
481
00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:35,258
Can we announce
your resignation at this time?
482
00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:36,968
- My resignation?
What are you talking about?
483
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:38,386
No, I'm just following orders!
484
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,764
Listen, the person responsible
for this catastrophe
485
00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:43,850
is the CEO and chairman,
David Wallace.
486
00:19:45,477 --> 00:19:46,603
- That's yours?
487
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,021
- That's the family boat
right there.
488
00:19:48,063 --> 00:19:50,106
- Oh, my gosh, Andy.
This is enormous.
489
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,274
- Right?
490
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:53,026
- I thought
it was gonna be tiny.
491
00:19:53,068 --> 00:19:55,236
Oh, my gosh.
It's beautiful.
492
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,364
So this is how your family
came to America.
493
00:19:57,489 --> 00:19:59,532
- Yeah, yeah.
494
00:19:59,616 --> 00:20:01,826
See these winches?
495
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:04,954
I used to have to just polish
them constantly.
496
00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:07,207
I should have forearms
like Ralph Macchio.
497
00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:10,543
- [giggles]
- Wax on, wax off.
498
00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:12,587
- Move.
- Sorry?
499
00:20:12,671 --> 00:20:14,047
- I'm trying
to rig a boat here.
500
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,256
I don't know how to do that
501
00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:16,800
when you're standing
in the way.
502
00:20:16,925 --> 00:20:18,301
- Sure, I-I'm not--
I didn't know--
503
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:21,513
- I'm not a ghost, so I can't
walk through people.
504
00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:22,972
Okay.
- Okay.
505
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,892
He was salty.
- Yes, a little bit.
506
00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:28,311
How you doing, old buddy?
Missed you.
507
00:20:28,353 --> 00:20:31,106
- What does that one do?
- This raises the mainsail.
508
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:32,649
That was my job
when we went sailing.
509
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,317
- I wish I had seen you do it.
510
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:35,944
- Really?
- Yeah.
511
00:20:37,696 --> 00:20:39,155
- Up she goes.
512
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:41,324
- Don't do that.
513
00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:42,867
Don't do that.
- Oh, it's okay.
514
00:20:42,992 --> 00:20:44,619
My girlfriend and I were
actually gonna take her
515
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:45,912
for a little spin and a picnic
516
00:20:45,954 --> 00:20:47,497
before you guys
head out tonight.
517
00:20:47,622 --> 00:20:49,416
You know what?
Get some dinner on me.
518
00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:51,418
- Nope. Can't do that.
- Got it.
519
00:20:51,543 --> 00:20:52,627
You know what?
520
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:54,004
Then we'll just take it
521
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:56,464
for a quick little spin
around the harbor.
522
00:20:56,548 --> 00:20:58,174
- We've already
started boarding.
523
00:20:58,216 --> 00:21:00,301
No one is insured to rig
or operate now, except us.
524
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:02,637
- You know what?
Chill, okay?
525
00:21:02,679 --> 00:21:05,348
I own the boat.
I'm not gonna sue myself.
526
00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:07,726
All right?
So just--
527
00:21:07,851 --> 00:21:09,227
Wow.
528
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,021
- I can smack you all day
if you keep touching
529
00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:12,856
what you're not
supposed to touch.
530
00:21:12,981 --> 00:21:14,774
- Okay, fine, fine.
- Okay?
531
00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:15,984
- Yeah, fine.
- Good stuff.
532
00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:18,236
- Good stuff. Great stuff.
- Thanks.
533
00:21:21,072 --> 00:21:22,407
[bleep] damn it!
534
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:24,159
Screw you, Dad!
Ugh!
535
00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:29,664
- Well, we're doing it.
536
00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:31,541
We're finally having a picnic
on the boat.
537
00:21:31,708 --> 00:21:33,001
- [scoffs]
538
00:21:33,126 --> 00:21:36,629
I've had a thousand picnics
on this boat.
539
00:21:36,671 --> 00:21:38,340
The point was
for me to sail it.
540
00:21:38,506 --> 00:21:41,051
- Andy, you never had to sail
the boat
541
00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:43,595
to be a man.
542
00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:45,472
- Fine, but I could have.
543
00:21:45,597 --> 00:21:47,223
- As long as we're
on this boat,
544
00:21:47,307 --> 00:21:49,601
as far as I'm concerned,
you're the captain.
545
00:21:49,726 --> 00:21:51,227
- I am the captain.
546
00:21:51,394 --> 00:21:52,896
- Yeah.
- Right?
547
00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:53,938
- Yeah.
548
00:21:56,066 --> 00:21:57,776
- I'm the captain.
549
00:22:01,571 --> 00:22:03,448
Hey, charm school.
550
00:22:03,531 --> 00:22:04,824
- What?
551
00:22:04,866 --> 00:22:09,037
- I'm taking over from here.
- Nice. [giggles]
552
00:22:09,204 --> 00:22:11,539
- Okay, I hate to ruin
this, uh, moment,
553
00:22:11,623 --> 00:22:13,958
or breakdown, but you already
signed the papers.
554
00:22:14,084 --> 00:22:15,710
So, if you want your boat back,
you can pick it up there
555
00:22:15,794 --> 00:22:17,087
in the Bahamas in ten days.
556
00:22:17,212 --> 00:22:18,588
- Yeah, I know,
'cause I'm sailing it there.
557
00:22:18,630 --> 00:22:20,048
- Okay, no.
558
00:22:20,173 --> 00:22:22,050
I already said you're not
getting back your deposit.
559
00:22:22,175 --> 00:22:24,803
- Fine, keep it.
Just leave the supplies.
560
00:22:24,886 --> 00:22:27,764
I already paid for those.
561
00:22:27,931 --> 00:22:29,891
And how much for that
cool fisherman sweater?
562
00:22:31,810 --> 00:22:34,479
- For those just joining us,
terror in Greenwich,
563
00:22:34,562 --> 00:22:36,481
where police
have surrounded the house
564
00:22:36,564 --> 00:22:38,692
of Dunder Mifflin CEO
David Wallace.
565
00:22:38,733 --> 00:22:40,819
Wallace is said
to be despondent
566
00:22:40,902 --> 00:22:43,071
over the company's
stock plummet
567
00:22:43,196 --> 00:22:45,115
and has taken
a mailman hostage.
568
00:22:45,281 --> 00:22:49,327
On the line, we have
Chief of Greenwich Police,
569
00:22:49,411 --> 00:22:51,788
Mr. Bill Jackson.
570
00:22:51,913 --> 00:22:53,998
- Good afternoon.
571
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:55,500
- Please, sir, spare him.
572
00:22:55,583 --> 00:22:56,960
Please.
573
00:22:57,085 --> 00:22:59,546
- Uh, this Wallace guy
is looking at hard time,
574
00:22:59,629 --> 00:23:01,965
and we only know this because
of what Dwight Snoot said
575
00:23:02,132 --> 00:23:03,258
on record.
576
00:23:03,341 --> 00:23:04,843
- No, Officer, please don't.
577
00:23:04,926 --> 00:23:06,344
[bottle hisses]
Wait. What--
578
00:23:06,428 --> 00:23:09,180
whoa, whoa, whoa,
what was that?
579
00:23:09,347 --> 00:23:11,307
- Tear-gas cannister.
580
00:23:11,349 --> 00:23:14,227
Oh, my--okay, this is--this is
way out of control.
581
00:23:14,394 --> 00:23:16,187
Okay, everyone,
everyone, hold on.
582
00:23:16,354 --> 00:23:18,064
I've got a solution.
583
00:23:18,189 --> 00:23:19,566
I know Wallace's phone number.
584
00:23:19,649 --> 00:23:21,317
Everyone hold,
I'll conference him in.
585
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:23,278
- Oh, no, Mr. Schrute,
there's really no need to,
586
00:23:23,445 --> 00:23:25,530
um, involve Mr. Wallace.
[line trilling]
587
00:23:25,613 --> 00:23:26,990
- Do you even know
what you're doing?
588
00:23:27,157 --> 00:23:29,659
- Yeah. Yeah, I know
how to hoist the mainsail.
589
00:23:29,701 --> 00:23:31,286
I know how to--
590
00:23:31,453 --> 00:23:35,123
These buttons control
bilge pumps and stuff.
591
00:23:35,290 --> 00:23:37,334
I also know
where the booze stash is.
592
00:23:37,417 --> 00:23:38,626
Hello.
593
00:23:40,253 --> 00:23:42,255
Walt?
594
00:23:42,339 --> 00:23:44,758
- Oh, God!
Thank goodness you're here.
595
00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:46,551
I was having
a little trouble,
596
00:23:46,676 --> 00:23:48,762
uh, with this door,
597
00:23:48,803 --> 00:23:50,597
uh, yesterday.
[bottle clinks]
598
00:23:50,638 --> 00:23:54,351
I, um--
I think it was yesterday.
599
00:23:54,434 --> 00:23:56,978
- I thought you were in rehab.
- Yeah, I just, uh--
600
00:23:57,062 --> 00:23:59,773
I figured I'd get that first
relapse, uh, out of the way.
601
00:23:59,939 --> 00:24:02,150
God, what's happened
to our family?
602
00:24:02,233 --> 00:24:04,569
Everything is so messed up.
603
00:24:04,652 --> 00:24:06,696
How did you even know
I was in here?
604
00:24:06,738 --> 00:24:08,990
- I didn't. I just came to say
goodbye to the boat,
605
00:24:09,074 --> 00:24:12,118
but I've decided to sail it
to Bermuda.
606
00:24:12,285 --> 00:24:14,746
- Bahamas, Andy.
- Same thing.
607
00:24:14,829 --> 00:24:18,083
I need a crew.
You should be my crew.
608
00:24:18,208 --> 00:24:20,210
Three weeks, open ocean,
no booze.
609
00:24:20,251 --> 00:24:21,336
You need this.
610
00:24:21,419 --> 00:24:23,296
I need it.
We need this.
611
00:24:23,380 --> 00:24:25,048
Serious bro time.
Come on.
612
00:24:25,173 --> 00:24:27,509
- [chuckles]
Or--or...
613
00:24:27,592 --> 00:24:28,885
you crew for me,
614
00:24:28,968 --> 00:24:30,970
and we go to a Club Med,
615
00:24:31,096 --> 00:24:33,306
where if you--if you wear
a magic bracelet,
616
00:24:33,390 --> 00:24:35,058
they give you free drinks.
617
00:24:35,141 --> 00:24:37,185
- No, man, this is my cruise.
618
00:24:37,310 --> 00:24:40,146
You're welcome to join
on my terms.
619
00:24:40,230 --> 00:24:42,023
- Hello?
- David, is that you?
620
00:24:42,107 --> 00:24:43,108
- Dwight?
621
00:24:43,191 --> 00:24:44,818
- Oh, thank God.
Oh, thank God.
622
00:24:44,859 --> 00:24:46,277
Are you okay?
Is everyone okay?
623
00:24:46,444 --> 00:24:47,737
- Yeah.
Are you okay?
624
00:24:47,779 --> 00:24:49,072
- I'm okay.
625
00:24:49,239 --> 00:24:52,742
I just want you to know
that I believe in you.
626
00:24:52,784 --> 00:24:54,452
I really do.
627
00:24:54,619 --> 00:24:57,914
And I believe in your ability
to make the right choices.
628
00:24:58,039 --> 00:24:59,582
I always have, David.
629
00:24:59,708 --> 00:25:01,418
- Well, thanks, Dwight.
630
00:25:01,543 --> 00:25:03,545
- You're welcome, sir.
631
00:25:03,712 --> 00:25:06,172
But, David,
listen to me carefully.
632
00:25:06,256 --> 00:25:09,718
I'm going to need you
to let the mailman go, okay?
633
00:25:09,759 --> 00:25:11,636
- Dwight? What?
- Walk out of the house
634
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:13,638
with your hands
on top of your head.
635
00:25:13,722 --> 00:25:15,890
Everything is
going to be fine.
636
00:25:15,932 --> 00:25:17,976
Dunder Mifflin will be
in good hands
637
00:25:18,018 --> 00:25:19,644
while you're away in prison.
638
00:25:19,728 --> 00:25:21,312
- Okay, Dwight?
639
00:25:21,396 --> 00:25:23,189
Gonna ask you to not call me
on my cell anymore.
640
00:25:23,356 --> 00:25:25,191
Got to go.
[line beeps]
641
00:25:25,316 --> 00:25:26,651
- And that's how that's done.
642
00:25:26,818 --> 00:25:28,278
- Mr. Schrute, it has been
643
00:25:28,445 --> 00:25:30,447
an eventful day
in the world of Dunder Mifflin.
644
00:25:30,572 --> 00:25:32,866
It's been a privilege
to have you on the show, sir.
645
00:25:32,907 --> 00:25:35,076
- The privilege and the honor
has been mine.
646
00:25:35,243 --> 00:25:37,037
I want to thank
the city of Scranton.
647
00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:39,456
I want to thank
the Greenwich police force.
648
00:25:39,539 --> 00:25:41,207
I want to thank you,
Ms. Black.
649
00:25:41,291 --> 00:25:43,543
And for all of your paper needs
in the future...
650
00:25:43,585 --> 00:25:44,753
[line clicks]
Please think--
651
00:25:44,794 --> 00:25:45,754
Hello?
652
00:25:47,797 --> 00:25:51,968
[applause]
653
00:25:52,010 --> 00:25:54,095
- Wait a minute.
654
00:25:54,262 --> 00:25:55,638
You guys?
655
00:25:55,764 --> 00:25:57,223
You heard?
656
00:25:57,265 --> 00:25:58,975
all: Schrute! Schrute!
Schrute!
657
00:25:59,100 --> 00:26:01,686
Schrute! Schrute! Schrute!
Schrute! Schrute! Schrute!
658
00:26:01,853 --> 00:26:03,146
- Schrute! Schrute!
659
00:26:03,271 --> 00:26:05,982
The allegations about our paper
were just shocking.
660
00:26:06,024 --> 00:26:08,485
And I didn't see that whole
shareholder riot coming.
661
00:26:08,651 --> 00:26:10,904
And the hostage situation came
out of nowhere,
662
00:26:10,945 --> 00:26:13,281
but, overall, I'd say
my first radio interview
663
00:26:13,406 --> 00:26:16,409
went pretty much
the way I expected.
664
00:26:16,493 --> 00:26:19,871
- Well, Oscar, I did not
get the promotion.
665
00:26:19,954 --> 00:26:22,665
He just wanted to update
my personal information.
666
00:26:22,749 --> 00:26:25,835
- Well, I'm sorry, Kevin.
667
00:26:25,919 --> 00:26:28,546
- Why on earth would you think
you were getting a promotion?
668
00:26:28,588 --> 00:26:30,632
- You know what, Angela?
I--
669
00:26:30,715 --> 00:26:32,884
Oh, my God.
670
00:26:32,926 --> 00:26:34,844
- Honey, what are you
doing here?
671
00:26:34,886 --> 00:26:37,097
- Oh, I just had an intuition
that someone I love
672
00:26:37,180 --> 00:26:39,974
needed a little
of my attention today.
673
00:26:40,058 --> 00:26:42,811
Oscar, looking very healthy.
674
00:26:42,936 --> 00:26:44,646
Getting lots
of vigorous exercise?
675
00:26:44,729 --> 00:26:47,774
- No.
No.
676
00:26:47,899 --> 00:26:51,236
- Oscar, what is going on?
What was that?
677
00:26:51,361 --> 00:26:52,487
- Wha--
- What was that?
678
00:26:52,529 --> 00:26:53,947
I-I'm sorry.
I didn't mean any offense.
679
00:26:54,072 --> 00:26:55,657
I was just trying
to be friendly.
680
00:26:55,740 --> 00:26:57,158
- You know what?
I'm sorry.
681
00:26:57,325 --> 00:26:59,911
I overreacted,
because I'm stressed out.
682
00:26:59,953 --> 00:27:01,496
Why am I stressed out?
683
00:27:01,579 --> 00:27:03,039
Who's not stressed out?
Who's not stressed out?
684
00:27:03,164 --> 00:27:05,000
- Come on, Oscar.
685
00:27:05,041 --> 00:27:08,753
We're not just gonna sit here
and ignore the obvious.
686
00:27:08,837 --> 00:27:12,173
Senator Lipton
has a big election next week.
687
00:27:12,298 --> 00:27:14,467
We all need
to give him our support.
688
00:27:14,634 --> 00:27:16,845
[scattered applause]
- Oh, thank you.
689
00:27:16,886 --> 00:27:19,472
Thank you very much.
Oh, thanks, everybody.
690
00:27:19,556 --> 00:27:22,726
- 'Cause it's really cool.
691
00:27:22,809 --> 00:27:27,480
USA! USA!
- USA. U--
692
00:27:27,564 --> 00:27:29,566
I have to say,
I'm impressed with Kevin.
693
00:27:29,649 --> 00:27:32,110
Uh...
694
00:27:32,235 --> 00:27:35,196
he showed a lot
of self-control.
695
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:38,241
- I totally forgot
about the affair for a minute.
696
00:27:38,366 --> 00:27:41,369
[laughing]
697
00:27:41,494 --> 00:27:44,998
Oscar is having sex
with the senator,
698
00:27:45,123 --> 00:27:47,876
and Angela doesn't even know.
699
00:27:47,917 --> 00:27:49,878
[laughs]
700
00:27:49,961 --> 00:27:53,214
Her life is a complete sham.
701
00:27:53,340 --> 00:27:55,342
[laughs]
702
00:27:55,383 --> 00:27:57,093
- All right, guys.
Cast us off.
703
00:27:57,218 --> 00:27:58,470
Walt, all aboard.
704
00:27:58,511 --> 00:28:01,056
Erin, this is because of you.
705
00:28:01,181 --> 00:28:03,933
Do you realize that?
You're the best ever.
706
00:28:04,100 --> 00:28:05,852
- Oh, you know,
just being a good girlfriend.
707
00:28:05,935 --> 00:28:07,687
- "Good"?
Come on.
708
00:28:07,812 --> 00:28:10,565
Above and beyond.
World's greatest.
709
00:28:10,690 --> 00:28:13,318
You did this.
710
00:28:13,485 --> 00:28:14,986
Damn it, I'm happy!
711
00:28:15,070 --> 00:28:17,405
- Yes, I am very pleased
I could help Andy.
712
00:28:17,530 --> 00:28:20,241
Would I have gone with him
if he'd asked me?
713
00:28:20,408 --> 00:28:22,494
On his sailboat cruise
to the Caribbean?
714
00:28:22,660 --> 00:28:26,373
Yes, I think that would have
been really fun and romantic.
715
00:28:26,456 --> 00:28:28,249
- I'll see you in three weeks!
- Okay!
716
00:28:28,375 --> 00:28:30,210
- Hey, bro,
it was here all along.
717
00:28:30,293 --> 00:28:32,712
- No way!
- Way!
718
00:28:32,796 --> 00:28:34,964
Erin, I got to go!
719
00:28:35,006 --> 00:28:37,175
Them's my chords!
720
00:28:44,057 --> 00:28:46,893
- Hey.
She's back.
721
00:28:47,018 --> 00:28:48,436
- Thanks for covering
the phones.
722
00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:49,646
- Yeah, no problem.
723
00:28:49,729 --> 00:28:51,106
How was it?
- Fine.
724
00:28:56,778 --> 00:28:58,863
- Hey, some buddies and I
are going to Poor Richard's
725
00:28:58,947 --> 00:29:00,657
for beers and pool--
you want to come?
726
00:29:00,740 --> 00:29:02,283
I can't promise you too much,
727
00:29:02,367 --> 00:29:04,744
but, uh, you might get
to meet my friend Flipper.
728
00:29:04,786 --> 00:29:06,663
- Does he have a flipper?
729
00:29:06,746 --> 00:29:08,998
- Oh, nope.
It's not that.
730
00:29:09,082 --> 00:29:13,420
He, uh--uh, he flipped a table
one time when he was drunk.
731
00:29:13,503 --> 00:29:15,213
- He sounds like an idiot.
732
00:29:15,255 --> 00:29:16,798
- Yeah, he is.
733
00:29:18,717 --> 00:29:21,344
- Okay.
- Okay.
734
00:29:21,469 --> 00:29:22,846
- Thanks.
735
00:29:22,929 --> 00:29:24,723
- Yeah.
736
00:29:24,773 --> 00:29:29,323
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