Original subtitles

[beeping]

[theme music]

[music playing]

[panting]

What was that?

Hmph, must be hearing things.

I gotta stop working the night shift.

[gasps] Halt!

Sector 17 requests immediate backup.

Yeesh.

You look like you just missed the year

end shoe spectacular at Jacy's.

Don't worry.

It's not till next week.

Sorry, Clover, not even discounted sandals

could cheer me up.

Whoa.

Then it must be bad.

Is it a boy?

Worse.

Bev High's soccer coach just retired after 20 years,

and there's no one to replace him.

You know what that means.

No coach, no soccer team?

No kidding.

Soccer is only my life.

What am I supposed to do now?

Hey, I know.

I could see if my marathon math team has room for you.

Marathon math team?

It is so cool.

For every polynomial equation you solve,

you get to run a mile.

First one to run 26 miles wins.

Ugh, math and running?

Two of my least favorite things.

How about joining my new fashion victims club?

We provide charitable donations in the form of trendy clothes

to the stylistically challenged.

I appreciate you guys trying to help, but--

It's soccer or nothing.

[music playing]

Excuse me.

Can you point me toward the athletics department?

[gasps]

The Gildwood Griffins?

I used to love that team.

I never missed a game growing up.

I knew their ball girl until their funding was pulled

and the team split up.

We have so much in common.

Are you a new transfer student?

[laughs] No, but I'm glad I can still pass for one.

Actually, I'm the new coach.

As in soccer coach?

Bonita Bikham's the name.

In that case, Coach Bikham, follow me.

Ole, ole, ole, ole.

Score!

[alex giggles]

You're never gonna believe what just happened.

A bad hair day is now a legit excuse to miss school?

You know the secret to solving hidden quadratics?

No, and definitely no.

Bev High just hired a new soccer coach.

You know what means?

It mean we're invited to all the crossover parties

with the boys soccer team.

Oh, yippee!

[laughs] It means I need the ultimate pair of soccer cleats.

Now you speaking my language.

Groove, here we come.

[all three exclaim]

This isn't the way to the Groove.

Oh, good morning, girls.

Allow me to cut right to the chase.

A high tech bio lab was broken into last night.

Hello to you, too, Jer.

Do you have any leads?

Unfortunately, the security guard

was unable to get a description of the suspect

or what was stolen.

Guess good help is hard to find.

Uh, Jer.

Hello?

Over here.

What are you doing on the computer

that's got you so preoccupied?

I'm just, uh, working on a report.

Yes, ha, ha!

Yes, ha, ho.

Since when are reports so exciting?

Oh, uh, GLADIS, isn't it gadget time yet?

You'll need the multifunction charm bracelet,

the nuclear power jet boots.

Good luck, super spies.

Ever get the feeling you're not wanted?

I'm starting to.

Sorry, but this mission will have to wait for a bit.

I have soccer tryouts today.

Sure, fine.

Whatever works for your schedule.

Wow.

That's a Jer first.

OK, would somebody tell me what the WOOHP is going on?

[chuckles]

That didn't answer my question!

ALEX: Wish me luck at the tryouts!

Yes, ha, ho!

Hat trick!

[music playing]

[whistle]

[panting]

You want glory?

Well, glory costs, and here's where you start paying--

in sweat.

Midfielders, this is no time for a beauty rest.

[grunts]

That's some beautiful dribbling, ladies.

I'm ready for my closeup now, Coach.

Oh, brother.

And what makes you think you've got what it takes

to make the Bev High team?

I've got my new line of cashmere sportswear, Haute

by Mandy.

What else could I possibly need?

Let the game begin.

Begins

Allow me, Coach.

[whistle]

[mandy shouts]

Ah, I've been fouled!

You've ruined my only prototype.

[whistle]

Mandy, you're benched.

[groans]

[chuckles]

Let's play a little three on three.

Alex, Jackie, and Diva, you were on one side.

The rest of you were on the other.

May the best team win.

[whistle]

Check this!

DIVA: Take that, defense.

[whistle]

ALEX: Goal!

[excited victorious shouts]

I've seen all I need to see.

Alex, Jackie, and Diva, you're the new Bev High soccer team.

[gasps] Excuse me, Coach, but how

are we supposed to have a soccer team with only three players?

You'll just have to be three times as good.

That's a wrap for now, ladies.

Hit the showers.

[whistle]

SAM: So, what happened?

Did you make the team?

- Starting center forward. - Woo!

Alex scores, home run, all right.

That's baseball, Clover, not soccer.

Same diff.

Now that tryouts are finished, you ready to go on our mission?

Sorry, I can't.

Tryouts might be finished, but practice starts in 10 minutes.

Later.

[scoffs] I'm glad Alex made the team,

but she can't play soccer 24/7.

Can she?

Let's hope not.

Guess for now it's just you, me, and the bio lab crime scene.

[music playing]

Why exactly are we sneaking in?

There's always the possibility that it's an inside job.

We have four minutes till the guard

gets back from his rounds.

It's like looking for a high tech

needle in a high tech haystack.

Over here.

I think found something.

It's a broken container.

Question is, what did it contain?

Judging from these, it looks like maybe

some kind of microchip?

We better send it to Jer for analysis.

[compowder beeps]

Hey, Jer. Great timing.

Hello, girls.

WOOHP just received word of a couple of abductions

at a local sporting goods store.

The owners, Haley Mills and Gloria Night

haven't seen or heard from in days.

Sorry, Jer.

Can you repeat that?

Yeah, we can barely hear you over all that beeping.

I'll just beam the info over the X-Powder.

Good luck, super spies.

Judging from this, we're gonna need all the help we can get.

I'll call Alex.

[compowder ringing]

ALEX (ON PHONE): Hello, soccer fans.

You've reached the voicemail of center forward Alex.

Please leave your soccer related message at the--

No, I will not leave a message,

central forwarded Alex.

Um, I think that's center forward.

Whatevs.

All Alex cares about is soccer.

I am beginning to feel like I have

to be inflated and round with black spots on me

in order to get her attention.

Huh, I guess it's just you, me,

and the sports store crime scene again.

[footsteps]

Yeei.

Looks like somebody has some serious rage issues.

Or they just hate sports as much as I do.

Clover, check this out.

Haley Mills and Gloria Night win the junior girls soccer

championships in Belgium.

Wow.

They must be really good.

Haley Mills, MVP.

Not just good.

Most valuable player good.

Oh, they even had their very first soccer cleats bronzed.

Is it me, or is the entire world suddenly obsessed

with nothing but soccer?

[gasps] What was that?

Ever get that creepy feeling you're being watched?

SAM: Let's just hurry and see what else we can find.

Sammy, look A soccer cleat footprint.

Maybe it belonged to the attacker.

I'll scan it and then-- [clattering]

BOTH: Huh?

[both gasp]

Love to stay and get abducted, but we really have to be going.

[grunting]

[alarm blares]

Take about superhuman leg strength.

I'd love I'd love to hear your quad workout secret.

Time to bungee our way outta here.

Right behind you, Sammy.

That was close.

OK, no more Miss Nice Spy.

We really need Alex's help.

That's weird.

Alex is still at school.

SAM: But it's almost midnight.

[compowder beeping]

CLOVER: Gotta hand it to her.

The girl's got game.

SAM: Yeah, and we're about to interrupt it.

BONITA: Come on, ladies.

First rule of soccer, develop a thick skull.

[whistle]

Sammy?

Sorry to disturb you, Alex.

But can we talk in the hallway for a sec?

Don't you think you're taking this soccer

thing a little too far?

First, it was tryouts, now practice till midnight?

I know I haven't exactly been pulling

my weight on missions lately, but don't worry,

that's all gonna change.

We're totally glad to hear you say that.

Just as soon as Bev High wins regionals

in a couple of months.

[compowder beeps]

Sorry to interrupt, girls, but I just got the results.

First up, the dome contained an experimental microchip

designed to tap into people's natural aggression.

Huh.

Wasn't expecting that.

I also had the footprint you sent analyzed.

It's a very rare, very high end soccer shoe made by the Forsa

Corporation of Portugal.

[gasps] Forsa?

Alex, just got the first pair sold in Beverley Hills.

I helped her pick them out.

[sighs] Alex must have accidentally

contaminated the crime scene when

you three were investigating.

Thanks for the info, Jer.

Wait a second.

How could Alex contaminate the crime scene

when she wasn't even with us?

That's right.

You were supposed to be at soccer practice.

I was at soccer practice, all day.

You can even ask Coach Bikham.

BONITA: Hmm.

Time to teach those nosy girls a little soccer lesson.

[chuckles]

[zapping]

[sam and clover exclaim]

[alex grunts]

How's this for an answer?

I've heard of soccer rage, but this ridiculous.

Alex is going have to kick up her skin care regimen.

she's looking a little green.

[both gasp]

[whistle]

[grunting]

That is no ordinary drop kick.

[sam screams]

I've heard of sucker punches, but that was a sucker ball.

[all laugh]

[music playing]

[sam groans]

And all this time I thought soccer was a non-contact sport.

Have I mentioned I really, really hate soccer?

Where are we?

CLOVER: Judging from that field and those soccer nets,

I'd have to say my worst nightmare.

I'll have us outta here faster than you can say foul ball.

[gasps]

They may have something to say about that.

Leaving so soon?

But the fun's just getting started.

We've dealt with a lot of crazy villains, but what could

you possibly want with the Bev High soccer team?

I could've been a great soccer player,

but I was cut from the junior girls championship soccer team

because they said I lacked killer instinct.

[laughs] Not anymore.

I've assembled the best of the best, my own personal killer

soccer team, and have used them to hunt down my old teammates.

Haley?

Gloria?

I will now have my revenge in a special soccer match

to the end.

It's always to the end with you villains.

First rule of soccer, develop a thick skull.

[sam and clover shout]

Coach Bikham must be using some sort of mind control

on Alex.

Either that or she still mad that I

borrowed her kicky wristbands.

Take your positions.

Let the game begin.

May the most aggressive team win.

[grunting]

DIVA: Way to go, team, yeah!

Score!

[whistle]

Sammy?

Could really use help here.

Ow!

Hey, where's the ref when you need him?

Huh?

[clinking]

Now that's a wow move.

[both scream]

You work with the fans, you no good soccer bullies!

Any ideas on how to take out aggresso gals?

Ow!

That's it.

The aggression microchip must be what's controlling them.

Then where is it, and why isn't it affecting us?

[screams]

I don't think those are regulation cleats.

It's definitely not in the shoes.

They're all wearing different ones.

Only one microchip was stolen, remember?

It must be in the ball then.

But which one?

Remember when Alex became super aggressive in the hall?

The microchip's in the orange ball.

Time to finish you once and for all.

I wish I could tell which one was which.

Looking for this?

Bring it on.

Hey, where'd she go?

[gasps] Sammy!

Behind you!

[clinking]

Ha!

Score a pass for you, Clover.

[whistle]

Illegal holding.

Tell it to someone who cares.

Hmm.

Game over.

Uh-oh.

Oh, I surrender.

What's going on?

Oh, my head.

[gasps] Would someone mind telling

me what I'm doing playing soccer in a stinky oil tanker?

Let's just say Coach Bikham had some killer plans

for your many soccer talents.

Guess I have a little score to settle.

[bonita shouts]

Wow.

Maybe soccer does have a place in our spy arsenal.

Or not.

[music playing]

I'm really sorry, Alex.

You're sorry?

I'm the one who should be sorry for all the soccer

related mayhem I've caused.

Gloria and Haley are safe and everyone's memories

of the killer soccer match have been erased.

I'm more worried about you.

Now that Coach Bikham is in custody,

Bev High is once again short of a soccer coach.

Aw, it's OK.

I think I've had enough soccer for a while.

Hey, maybe I could join your marathon math team after all.

Given the choice between math and shopping, you pick math?

Remind me why I was worried.

You two are beyond help.

[sam and alex laugh]

[electronic beeping]

Um, nice to see you again, girls.

Kind of hard when you're not even looking.

OK, Jer, time to fuss up.

Mm.

What's so important that you haven't looked once

from your computer all day?

I guess you could say I'm addicted to a new video game.

Video soccer to be exact.

Would you girls care for a game?

We could play three on one.

[all three exclaim]

ALL THREE: No, no, no, no, no!

Guess soccer's not for everybody.

After years of playing soccer, I've

developed Alex's patented stain removal formula for getting

out tough mud and grass stains.

To get started, you'll need a pot

full of cold tea, some steel wool, and a rutabaga.

The tea lifts the stain.

The rutabaga does something, too.

I'm just not sure what.

And finally, you wanna rub the entire area with steel wool.

And viola.

As you can see, no more mud and grass stains.

As for the tea and rutabaga stains,

that's next weeks' lesson.