Original subtitles

[theme music]

Dinner!

Dinner!

Wha?

This is Agent Smiley in the containment center.

I need to report an escape.

[punching]

[laughing]

Quick, Niya, we have to get out of here.

Not so fast, Evan.

Guess again, evil villain!

Niya, wait.

It's me, Evan.

Oh!

[sighing]

[groaning]

It's official.

That was the worst movie I've ever seen.

Guess that's why they call it Mission Improbable.

More like Mission Cha Right, Never In a Million Years.

On account of Niya's hair would be way

messed up from that bulky mask.

Why can't someone make a decent spy flick for once?

My sentiments exactly.

[screaming]

Which is why I need to see you ladies right away.

Since when does Jerry care about spy flicks?

Since right now.

Girls, I have exciting news.

My dream of becoming a professional thespian

is finally coming true!

Professional thespian?

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about this!

(SINGING) Let's all walk around the garden,

let's take a drift down the stream.

Let's have a stroll to the beach, my friend,

we'll eat strawberries and cream.

Whoa. Purple tights!

Now that's what I call a tragedy.

It's a comedy, actually.

"Pipster."

I was the lead.

Ever since college when I minored in musical theater,

I've wanted to be an actor, and now I can.

Okhram Areomole, a major Hollywood director,

has tapped me to star in his latest big-budget spy flick,

"0067."

You?

Indeed, me.

Who better to play a spy than a real spy?

Uh, I don't know.

Maybe an actor?

Ooh!

Like a Rad Pitt or that hunky Dude Shaw.

The reason spy flicks are so unrealistic

is because actors don't know how to portray spies.

Whoa.

Wait a minute.

Are you saying this director knows your secret identity?

Oh, don't be so naive, Sam.

These Hollywood types know everything.

It's called being in the know.

But you're not the type that becomes a star.

I am.

I mean, no offense, but aren't you a little past your prime?

Oh, I get it.

6, 7, 67!

That must be referring to his age!

Joke all you want, girls, but the fact of the matter

is, yours truly is headed for the silver screen.

This is crazy.

How are you going to run a spy agency while you're

off shooting a movie?

I'm not.

You three are.

[gasping]

I'm turning the day-to-day operations of WOOHP

over to you while I'm on set.

After all, you're super spies now.

You can handle it.

No, we can't.

Not with school work and boys and shopping and boys and--

It's only for a few weeks while I'm in Hollywood,

until my film wraps.

Then I'll be back and in charge.

Just stick to this agenda and you'll do fine.

Agenda?

But I'm no good with agendas!

Jerry!

Hmm.

Guess I must be early.

Jer, baby!

You made it!

Ah, Mr. Areomole.

So good to see you.

Please, call me Okhram.

Will do, Okhram.

Am I the first one here?

Perhaps I should take the time to go over the script.

Script?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

This is cinema verite.

It's done fast and on the fly.

Oh, of course.

Verite.

How cutting edge.

So here's a little prop I cooked up.

It's got a liquid trampoline, rubber dissolver,

laser glass cutter, and most importantly,

Double 067's signature weapon--

the freeze ray.

All pretend, of course.

Amazing.

It looks almost real.

Well that's the magic of Hollywood, Jer.

Now, the evil villain Lorenzo will soon pull

out of his estate in his car.

His plan-- to rob the museum of the Taylor diamond,

depriving the world of its beauty.

Fiend!

Exactamundo.

It's 0067's duty to stop him like a real spy would.

Using his fake gadgets, that is.

This is terribly exciting.

I can't wait to get started.

Good.

Because here we go.

And action!

[squealing tires]

What are you doing, you maniac?

Not I, tis you who is the maniac.

Hey!

Agh!

You'll hear from my lawyer, you freak!

Stealing isn't cool, Lorenzo.

But this is!

Cut!

Brilliant!

You're a natural, Jer.

Thank you, though I must say, it all felt so real--

with the gadget, the tires dissolving.

Well that's special effects, Jer.

These guys are the cream of the crop in their field.

Well done, indeed.

Perhaps I should also congratulate

my fellow thespian.

Oh.

Method actor.

You know how it is.

They hate to break character even when the scene wraps.

Oh, of course.

I dabble in method acting myself.

Excellent.

So I'll meet you at the next location, Jerry baby.

I'm sure your second scene will be as brilliant as your first.

Indeed!

[evil laugh]

Restock toilet paper in the WOOHP bathrooms?

Order lunch for all the in-house agents?

Doesn't Jerry know the meaning of the word delegate?

Duh.

He delegated all of WOOHP to us.

Good point.

Well there's got to be someone we can delegate to.

We're super spies.

[groans] OK, how are we supposed

to work with that going on?

G.L.A.D.I.S.: It's a red alert, super spies.

Awesome!

A red alert's definitely more important than toilet paper

restocking.

G.L.A.D.I.S.: The head of a major Hollywood movie studio

has been reported missing.

He never arrived at work.

The last place he was seen was in his Hollywood Hills home.

I get to save a Hollywood movie studio mogul?

This is so my chance to break in.

Hey!

We should give Jerry a call.

After all, he's in Hollywood.

Maybe he's seen something.

Good thinking, Alex.

If anything's going on, Jerry's going to be all over it.

He's not one to miss a clue.

(SINGING) Mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi!

My, my, my, my, my--

[phone ringing]

(SINGING) --mo, mo mo, mo--

Hello?

It's us, Jer.

We just got a red alert, and--

Look, girls, I'm in the middle of my vocal exercises.

It takes immense concentration.

So whatever is going on, you'll just have to handle it.

Ugh!

Talk about rude!

Maybe the stress of celebrity is getting to him.

Either way, looks like we'll have

to solve this one on our own.

G.L.A.D.I.S.: Perhaps a gadget or two might help.

Here are the heat sensor motion detector sunglasses,

ultra inflatable tech vest, and the wind tunnel

9000 tornado blast hair dryer.

Boring much.

We're super spies now.

As in, where's the bling, Glad?

That's more like it!

We'll take three.

But we don't even know what it does.

Who cares?

It's beautiful, and sometimes, isn't that enough?

[sighs]

G.L.A.D.I.S.: The cashmere is actually--

Hold that thought, Glad. Got to jet!

Hollywood awaits.

G.L.A.D.I.S.: Ladies.

Are you sure Jerry won't mind if we borrow his jet?

We're in charge, remember?

So we might as well enjoy the perks.

Totally.

I mean, we're going to Hollywood.

And if we can't arrive in limo, we have

to take the next best thing.

Even if we don't know how to drive it!

Whoa!

I'm flying!

So, this is what a big wig studio

mogul's house looks like.

Nice!

Everything seems normal.

To the naked eye, maybe.

Hmm.

Thought for sure the heat sensor motion detector sunglasses

would reveal something.

Hey!

What gives?

Littering.

Which is so uncool.

Sammy, wait.

I think there's some writing on that paper.

Bingo.

We have our first lead, girls.

Now all we need to do is a handwriting analysis.

In this next scene, you'll infiltrate the office of Evil

Evelyn, and take her out with your freeze ray

before she calls her cronies out of retirement

for one last heist.

No probs, Okhram, baby.

That's my star.

Whoa! Oh!

Ugh!

These things are totally ruining my manicure.

Just put them in a file cabinet for now.

We'll alphabetize later.

Hmm.

Wrong button.

Wonder what it does?

[sirens]

[yelling]

Manicure 911 here!

Oh!

Like I said, I'm no good with agendas.

Clover, Alex, I have the results

of the writing analysis.

Then why do you look like the girl at the prom

without a date?

Because it reveals that the handwriting belongs to Jerry!

Our Jerry?

Impossible!

The program must be buggy.

Ready it again.

Aw, another red alert?

G.L.A.D.I.S.: Double red alert.

There's a crime in progress.

An alarm has been triggered at the headquarters of

another major Hollywood studio.

Seems like someone has a major beef with Hollywood.

They must have seen "Mission Improbable!"

Yes, J.R., we're schmoozing with the EP about the pre-pro

on the indy prod rom com, but the ID

is giving us a hard time.

[laser noise]

Ah!

Freeze, Evelyn!

And I mean that literally.

Cut!

Magnifique!

You're a natural, 0067!

You're going to be huge at the box office!

Well, It does come naturally.

Hold it right there, intruder.

Jerry?

Girls?

What's going on here?

What's going on is we're shooting a movie,

and you're interrupting!

Uh, if this is a movie, then why does

she look so seriously freaky?

Maybe the handwriting analysis wasn't wrong after all.

Maybe Jerry is involved.

It's called method acting, Sam.

You'll have to excuse them, they know nothing of the craft.

Now, please leave.

Can't you see I'm busy?

We're not here to see you, Jer.

We're here on official WOOHP business.

Such passion.

Did anyone ever tell you girls you should be in pictures?

Only every day.

This is too wonderful.

You three are just perfect for the junior spy roles.

Just stand here.

And

[boing] - Action!

[screaming]

Your stunts in this movie are truly magnificent, Okhram!

It's got to look real, or no one will believe it, right?

[screaming]

What are we gonna do?

[screaming]

I don't know.

But when I dreamed of leaving my mark on Hollywood,

this so isn't what I had in mind.

Don't worry, girls.

All you have to do is hold on tight,

and hope we don't land on anything pointy.

Now that's what I call a killer action scene!

Yeah.

Only somehow I don't think we'll make it into the final cut.

Totally.

I mean, there's so obviously something

up with that Okhram character.

You mean the way he's brainwashed Jerry?

Well that, and the way he launched me through a window

instead of using me in his movie.

Hello?

What kind of loser director is he?

Come on.

I think it's time to do some digging

into Okhram's credit list.

I knew it!

He doesn't even have credits.

This guy is not an a-list director.

No wonder he doesn't know talent when

it's staring him in the face.

Maybe we need to come at it from a different angle.

Let's do a search on WOOHP's past baddies.

Look at that!

Marco Lumiere escaped from a WOOHP prison a few days ago!

Hey!

He's the wannabe who couldn't break into showbiz,

so he forced everyone, including us, to be in his lame-o movie.

Looks like he's back!

Girls, Okhram Aremeole is Marco Lumiere!

So he changed his name and face, but his MO is still the same.

And this time he's using poor Jer

to do his dirty work by tricking him into taking

out Hollywood's top execs.

We've got to get to Jer before Lumiere decides

he doesn't need him any more.

And I know just where to find them.

Lumiere took out the top two studio execs so far,

so his next target will be the third top mogul in Hollywood.

There's one for you, and another for you.

Here you go.

For you, and another for you.

Uh, thanks.

Oh, you're so welcome.

Oh, how I love spending time with my adoring fans.

We're losing daylight, Jer, so we got

to get this in the can ASAP.

Now, in this next scene, 0067 captures

the brains behind the entire Taylor diamond heist.

Not so fast, Lumiere!

Lumiere?

Girls, Okhram is an a-list director,

and I'll thank you not to let your petty jealousies ruin

my stardom. - Jerry, you don't understand.

I understand completely.

From now on, my focus is my new career.

I'm handing WOOHP over to you permanently.

[gasping]

Jer, this is for your own good.

Ow!

Clover!

OK, so he had plastic surgery to change his appearance.

It's not just for women anymore, you know.

Get rid of them!

Yes.

Sabotaging a movie shoot is quite unforgivable.

Sorry, Jerry.

But there comes a time when the student

must become the teacher.

No film?

But-- my performances.

Jer, baby.

Film's a thing of the past.

This is the newest technology.

Can it, Lumiere.

I'm onto you.

Not if I'm on to you first.

I don't think so.

Oh.

Ugh!

Sammy!

Bring it on, buddy.

To be honest, Jer, your acting was a little stiff.

This ought to loosen you up.

No!

Not the freeze ray!

[laser noise]

[laser noise]

[yelling]

And that's a wrap!

[laughing]

OK.

This is definitely not good.

Tell me about it.

This is so going to slow down my shopping excursions.

I think Jerry has it worse.

All of him is frozen.

I wonder why we're not?

Girls, these sweaters must be some sort

of freeze ray protection.

Talk about a fashion coup!

Guess it's time for a little turbo action

to melt the freeze.

Ooh, ooh, ah!

Pins and needles, pins and needles!

Thank you.

Now it's time to give Lumiere the performance of my life.

Jer, wait!

K. What?

It's his big scene.

He's got to look the part.

[giggling]

[yelling]

There they are!

Pardon me!

Reject me, will you?

[yelling]

Give it up, Lumiere.

You couldn't direct traffic on a one way street.

That's about as clever as your 0067 drivel.

But this casting session is closed!

Didn't your mother ever tell you it's not polite to point?

Hi-yah!

[laser noise]

If you don't mind, I'd like to do the honors.

After all, I wasn't cast as 0067 for nothing.

I think you can use a little cooling off.

No!

Yay!

Yay!

Encore!

Bravo!

JERRY: Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, you're too kind.

Oh, my.

Were you girls re-organizing?

Uh, yeah.

That's it-- re-organizing.

[sighs]

I suppose now that my career as a professional thespian

didn't work out, I should be happy I

can return to my spy career.

Uh, check that, Jer.

WOOHP's ours now, remember?

And if you want to come back, you'll have to work for us.

You can start by restocking the bathroom.

AGENT: Can I please get some toilet paper?

AGENT 2: Open up! Open up!

AGENT 3: Take the jet off--

[interposing voices]

What are they talking about?

AGENT 3: --in the world, people could have--

G.L.A.D.I.S.: Several agents are filing grievances.

You'll receive mine shortly.

On second thought, welcome back, boss.

[laughs] Amateurs.

Ah.

Hey, friends.

Today I'm going to share a little secret for those of you

who want to become spies.

For instance, espadrilles-- if I'm

being attacked by a baddie in espadrilles,

I know she's the sensible type.

Pumps, I'm dealing with a determined

yet fashion-conscious villain.

Loafers-- by the book much.

Even my shoes say something about me.

[gasps] Like I was saying, footwear means nothing.

[giggles] Oops!