Original subtitles

[theme - moonbaby, "here we go"]

THEME SONG: Here we go.

We're getting on the road till we stop, and then we'll shop.

So one, two, three now, baby, here we go, go, go.

Here we go.

Here we go on a mission undercover,

and we're in control.

Here we go.

Here we go.

We're totally spies, so we'll get on with the show.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here we go.

[music playing]

[tires screeching]

Why are we stopping?

I need to get to the set!

What the--

[screaming]

[bell ringing]

I wonder what all the excitement's about.

Beats me.

Hello, clueless people.

Our yearbooks came out today.

Hey, that's right.

Now, let's see.

Where's the page that announces to one and all

that yours truly has been voted the most

popular at Beverly High?

Oh, no!

This is terrible.

What is it Mandy?

Only the biggest disaster ever to hit Beverly High.

It says that Sam's been voted most popular!

BOTH: Huh?

Well, there's obviously been some mistake.

Everyone knows that I am the most popular girl in school.

Why would everyone vote for me?

Duh.

Because you're smart, and funny, and totally cool, Sammy.

That's why we want to hang out with you this weekend.

BOTH: You do?

Of course.

We just love surrounding ourselves with popularity.

Ciao.

That's it.

I am going to put a stop to this madness right away.

I demand a recount!

OK, this is officially weird.

I got these for you.

Ah, thanks, Arnold.

You shouldn't have.

But you deserve them, miss popular.

Hey, Sam, would you sign our yearbooks?

Me too.

And me.

Uh, maybe later, guys.

Right now, I've got stuff to do.

Important stuff.

Bye.

[screaming]

Sammy, this is the janitor's closet.

Yeah, what important thing could

we possibly have to do in here.

Hide.

Sam, I realize that your new-found celeb status might be

a bit overwhelming, but trust me, you

can't run from the limelight.

You've got to embrace it.

Now, let's get back out there and meet your fans.

JERRY (SPEAKER): Not so fast.

For once, I'm actually happy to hear from Jerry.

Girls, I'm afraid I have some terrible news.

Julia Hastings and Dirk Johnson, the world's

top box office movie stars, have been mysteriously abducted.

OK, I take it back.

So how did it happen?

In broad daylight, actually, which is particularly odd.

That is odd.

I thought stars only tanned indoors

under artificial sunlight.

Do we have any suspects, Jerry?

None at all.

That's why WOOHP would like you girls to go undercover and keep

an eye on Brock Williams.

Since he's the third biggest box office star,

we suspect he may be the next target.

BOTH: Wow.

No way!

Brock Williams is totally hunkalicious.

Yes.

I'm glad you're enthusiastic, but remember,

this is a very high profile person.

Discretion is key.

We don't want the media finding out.

Relax, Jer.

We're totally professionals.

[squeal]

Oh, my gosh.

Those are so cute.

They're called rocket fuel mules.

They're called fabulous, and I call dibs.

Yes.

We also have breathe easy, go anywhere air masks, hoop

earring communicators, banana clip boomerangs,

and that old standby, the jet pack backpack filled

with a few low-key disguises.

Thanks, Jer. Whatever.

We'll take it from here.

[music playing]

OK, so why am I the gardener again?

Because the maid outfit matches my new shoes,

and you're a terrible cook.

Gee, thanks.

You're welcome.

Now, let's do like Jer said, and keep our eyes on Brock.

BOTH: Right.

Oh, man.

This place is so sweet.

That's because it's Brock William's bedroom.

And look, he has a waterbed.

Clover, were supposed to be investigating.

Remember?

You know, looking for things out of the ordinary.

Do these count?

Hey, put those back.

Girls, you might want to check this out.

Hello, handsome.

Actually, I was talking about him.

That must be the abductor.

Come on, spies.

We gotta stop him.

No time like the present.

Hiyah!

I'll teach you to abduct very important and very attractive

celebrities.

What the--

Whoa!

Don't worry, Brock, camo boy's stalking days are over.

That's Mr. Williams to you.

And your so-called stalker is a highly respected photographer.

I don't appreciate my hired help attacking the media.

I'm not you're hired help.

I'm a domestic engineer.

Besides, I was just trying to protect you.

From what, ending up on the cover

of some fabulous, high profile magazine?

Oh, I wouldn't worry about that.

My camera is completely ruined.

You'll be hearing from my lawyer.

Look, I'm really sorry.

Yes, whatever.

Just get back to work, all of you.

You OK, Clover?

I'm fine, but my crush is so over.

I don't blame you.

Brock just went from hunkalicious to jerkerrific.

[screaming]

Did you just hear that?

Loud and clear.

Let's go.

ALL: Huh?

We've got to do something.

Quick.

The breathe easy, go anywhere air masks.

[music playing]

They're getting away.

Not for long.

Hey, where'd they go!

[screaming]

Great, now what do we do?

We borrow that.

[music playing]

Huh, hey!

Don't worry, we'll return it.

Whoa!

ALL: [screaming]

Ah!

ALL: [screaming]

[sighing]

Abandon ski!

ALL: [screaming]

Oh, well, at least we have this.

What is it?

Well, I'm not sure.

I saw the abductor drop it in the tunnel.

We better send it to WOOHP.

That's a good idea.

So what's the update, spies?

Unfortunately, we just lost Brock, Jer.

Oh, dear.

Well, we better get you home.

I'll send the chopper toot sweet.

Good.

I could use some rest.

Actually, I have another assignment for you.

Amber stone, another big box office star,

is having a premier tonight in Hollywood.

One of you must pretend to be Amber, and bait

our elusive villain so the other two can move in and stop him.

Well, obviously I should play the part of Amber,

you know, being the most dramatic one of the group.

Sorry, you're too tall.

That's why WOOHP has chosen Alex as the celebrity decoy.

Alex?

Me?

We're pressing an Amber Stone facial mask as we speak.

Now, in other celeb news, it appears

that Sam, in her absence, has been inundated with fan mail.

Seems you're quite the overnight sensation.

Terrific.

[helicopter whirring]

[music playing]

Testing.

Sam, are you there?

(QUIETLY) I'm here.

Now, remember, the bad guy used a camera lens to abduct Brock.

He could be any of the paparazzi here.

Keep your eyes peeled.

Oh!

Believe me.

I'm keeping my eyes peeled.

(WHISPERING) Here comes our starlet now.

[cheering]

I just want to thank everyone for supporting my new movie.

This has been my most challenging, rewarding role

yet.

Ugh, overact much?

That should be me down there.

I heard that, Clover.

[chattering]

So far, no one's taking the bait.

The kidnapper probably isn't buying Alex's

lame impersonation of Amber.

[electronic noise]

Guys, I don't want to be a movie star anymore.

Clover, you can play Amber if you want.

Where's the beam coming from?

I can't tell.

Keep an eye on Alex while I figure it out.

[electronic noise]

[screaming]

Clover, it's coming from the lens of the projector.

SAM: Alex is hit.

The ushers are taking her.

Why do all the cute ones have to be bad guys?

Quick, grab him!

[screaming]

[chuckling]

Oh, what happened?

I feel like I just slept in a cement mixer.

Not quite.

It appears Marco Lumiere used his experimental camera

lens on you.

Marco Who-miere?

Marco Lumiere.

A frustrated experimental filmmaker who invented

a camera lens which has the ability to freeze

its subjects in place.

He lives on a secluded island off the coast of South Africa.

It's a good bet that's where he's taking Alex.

I've arrange for your quick transport.

Good luck, girls.

Just when you thought WOOHP technology

couldn't get any worse.

Guess it's a good thing Alex was abducted,

or there'd be even less room in here.

[music playing]

[engine whirring]

[screaming]

[screaming]

Oh, finally, some leg room.

Now, let's find Lumiere.

CLOVER: I think we already have.

[chuckling]

[ominous music]

[gasping]

SAM: That's him.

CLOVER: And there's Alex and our stars.

You're all probably very curious as to why

you've been assembled here.

Not really, pal.

We just want to get the heck out of here.

My agent's probably worried sick about me.

Ah, too bad.

Well, I'm going to tell you anyway.

In the past, Hollywood has been very dismissive of my work.

Now, I plan on making a film they won't be able to ignore.

A film starring all of you.

I wouldn't star in your stupid movie

if you offered me top billing and all the money in the world.

[chuckling]

Trust me, this is an offer you can't refuse.

And if we do refuse?

You have no choice.

This island is a giant movie set rigged with traps

and explosives, and, of course, cameras

to catch all the carnage.

[beep]

[explosion]

Who knows, if somehow you manage

to survive my blockbuster masterpiece,

I might even shoot a sequel.

First, Alex gets to play the role clearly meant for me,

now she gets to be in a movie.

When do I get my big break?

Earth to Clover.

Alex has been abducted and is being forced to play a role.

What's your point?

We've got to stop this nut before he

starts shooting the movie.

You distract the thugs while I round up the actors.

One, two--

MARCO LUMIERE: Action!

[explosions]

Get me out of here!

Guess I'm back to just playing myself.

BOTH: [screaming]

SAM: Incoming.

Looks like I have an imposter on my set.

Wait a second, you're not Amber.

My name is Alex.

I'm here to save you.

Well, you can start any time now.

[screaming]

Follow me.

Let's stay in here until things die down.

Could you please not say the word die.

[rumbling]

[screaming]

Nice work.

Keep it up.

[music playing]

This looks safe.

Let's hide in a saloon.

[horse neighing]

Look out!

[screaming]

Let's get out of here.

[horse neighing]

Who are these girls?

They're not movie stars.

[screaming]

Y'all come back and visit real soon, now.

Could you please keep a lid on the one liners.

[chuckling] Sorry.

[gun shots]

Got to lose these losers.

SAM: There's our ticket out.

[screaming]

This is exactly why I use a stunt double.

[screaming]

[neighing]

Those girls are good.

Looks like I found some fresh young talent to exploit.

[grunting]

[screaming]

[gasping]

Oh, no.

Do something.

CLOVER: This is really eerie, but at least

we lost Lumiere's cronies.

[growling]

Wait a second.

It's just a mechanized prop.

There's nothing to be afraid of.

Whew, props are getting so convincing these days.

Uh, oh.

here come some of his friends.

Run.

CLOVER: Look out!

Never underestimate the power of a good accessory.

[chopping]

Grab hold.

I have a plan.

[screaming]

Looks like we're in the clear.

And I thought those soldiers were bad.

Yeah, these guys look twice as mean.

Except for the part where they're wearing revealing mini

skirts.

Normally when I'm surrounded by a mob of crazed men,

they're trying to get my autograph.

Something tells me these guys aren't fans.

What's going on?

[grunting]

Not so fast, Lumiere.

No!

That is a wrap.

Excellent work, girls.

Yeah, thanks to you we can get back to being

stars, instead of seeing stars.

If you ever want to consider a career in movies,

give us a call.

Oh, now that you mention it, as a child,

I always did fancy the thought of myself on the big screen.

Perhaps I'll take you up on that offer.

Ah, too bad they don't make silent movies anymore, Jer.

ALL: [laughing]

[grunting]

[music playing]

I don't know about you, but I am so glad to finally be home.

Totally.

I've had it with celebrities.

ALL: [chatting]

I think you've got just enough time

to make it to the janitor's closet, you know, if you run.

[clears throat] Attention everyone.

I have a very important announcement to make.

After recounting the official ballots,

I have found that there was an error in the tabulation.

As I suspected, I am the most popular girl in school.

Wait, slow down.

I was just kidding.

Do not touch the Mandy.

[screaming]

Think we should tell her about the janitor's closet?

No way.

Hey, where's Alex?

I don't know.

Maybe she's out sick or something.

Weird.

I mean, you think she'd at least have called one of us.

[beeping]

Help!

[screaming]

BOTH: Alex?

Don't bother.

No one can help you now.

[theme music]