Original subtitles

VOICE (ON PA): Welcome to the Windsor Mall--

London's newest and largest shopping center.

[gasps] This store is everything everyone said

it was going to be, and more!

I could stay in here forever!

What's happening?

[crowd screaming]

CLOVER: This new mall is, like, the biggest

thing that's happened to me since acrylic nails.

I can't wait until it's finished.

Me neither.

Just looking at it gives me goosebumps.

Hey!

Can't you guys build any faster?

SAM: Take it easy, Alex.

Malls aren't built in a day.

CLOVER: Well, until the new one's done,

it looks like we're stuck with our old, tried-and-true luxury

mall.

OK.

One guess-- who am I?

(TOGETHER) Mandy.

Yes?

Who wants me now?

I'm so popular, I can't even seek refuge at the mall

anymore.

Ah!

Trying to be me?

[scoffs] As if!

It would take you months with a professional makeup artist

to achieve my look of perfection.

I was totally just playing around, Mandy.

Yeah.

Lighten up a little, beauty queen.

Let's blow this makeup stand.

No one gets away with calling me "beauty queen"

and not really meaning it.

This should bring down that pathetic wanna-be.

[alarm sounds]

Hey, you-- stop!

Thief!

Get back here!

[beeps]

[all scream]

Huh?

[all gasp]

Third floor-- gadgets, video, and info

on your next assignment.

This better be urgent, Jerr.

You interrupted a very important shopping spree.

Actually, this mission hits very close to home.

It seems something or someone is kidnapping

shoppers at exclusive stores called All The Rage--

destroying the stores in the process.

Destroying stores, and abducting

people while they shop?

How evil and horrible!

I know.

I know.

I'm here for you.

Who could be behind this?

That's where you come in.

You'll be going undercover.

As three gorgeous shoppers?

Actually, as three TV fashion reporters.

Ahem!

Of course, as three gorgeous TV fashion reporters.

You'll be going to Cairo, where we're

fairly certain this group's next action will be.

It's your job to find out where they are, and--

Yeah, yeah.

We know.

Come on girls, we have to save a store!

- Hang on. - Huh?

Don't forget your gadgets.

Oh, yeah!

My favorite part of our missions!

Ultra energy laser lip-balm.

Jet pack backpacks.

Hair clip monster grips.

Fume emitting cameras.

Voice alterer.

Compact parasols which double as laser swords.

And of course, some CASH.

Hello-- it's the 21st century!

We all have credit cards.

The C-A-S-H, Alex, is a Changeable

Application Spy Halter top.

It can be a parachute, a net, a floatation device.

Cool!

Uh, yes.

I may be coolest to you girls.

Well, cheerio!

Good luck in Cairo.

[all screaming]

We're here, live, in ancient-but-fashionable Egypt.

Hey!

Point the camera at me, Spielberg!

Oopsie!

[crowd cheering]

See anything strange?

Not yet.

I'm gonna go look around.

[chatter]

[electricity buzzes]

[crowd screams]

Sam?

Sam!

Look!

There's some sort of laser perimeter on those--

Gates.

We have to save Sam.

There's a skylight-- let's go!

Hey!

Use the parasol!

Good idea.

Cables.

Do you think--

It's like a huge elevator.

Let's go!

[fizzles]

Oh, great.

I hope Jerr got the extended warranty on this thing.

[both screaming]

[screeching]

What's that sound?

Ew! Yuck!

Ew! - Rats!

Ew!

Creepy, beady little eyes!

Ew!

CLOVER: I am sick of watching this tape.

We've got to figure out how to get Sam back.

Whoa!

Who's that freak?

CLOVER: Major freak.

Why is he so zoned, while everyone with half a brain

is in a major panic?

Let's see what Jerry thinks of this weirdo.

Hello, ladies.

Sorry about Sam.

I just sent you some pictures from the store.

There's a calm, freaky guy in the middle of the crowd.

Yes.

I see him.

Suspiciously calm, eh?

Oh, by the way--

Clover, the Beverly Hills Mall security

office need to see you, ASAP.

Some trouble involving shoplifted perfume?

[gasps] I didn't do it!

I'm just the messenger.

Ah, yes.

Here's the scoop.

The calm man on the tape is Simon Tucker.

He's a former owner of a popular mom-and-pop store in Ireland

that was bought out by Harrow's-- the high-end

store that recently opened a Mall near Dublin.

Simon Tucker fought to save his store, but couldn't.

But why would he be kidnapping people?

Sounds like we're going to Ireland to find out.

You are spot-on correct, my dear.

Ta-ta!

[sighs] Hi.

I'm calling about--

Hey!

You're the shoplifter!

I am so not the shoplifter!

I'm totally innocent.

That's her-- that Clover girl.

What is she doing there?

She's a liar!

You better turn yourself in, miss fugitive!

Why is that little witch, Mandy, there?

[scoffs] Who knows?

I'd like to squash her overly-perfumed head!

Hmm?

(LOUDLY) I wonder whatever happened

to that nasty little mom-and-pop store that used to be here?

Yes.

Simon Tucker did formerly have a shop on this site.

We bought him out and built over him.

That's business.

He mustn't have been too happy about that.

He was paid handsomely.

Now, please leave the store.

We only cater to a select, upscale clientele--

and, uh, you're not it.

[growls]

You really must leave, or I'll call security.

OK.

I'm having enough trouble with mall security.

Girlfriend, let's go.

ALEX: We've been kicked out of better stores than this.

If this store is built over Simon Tucker's old shop, then--

Maybe we should drop by later to do

a little after-hours spying.

[shutter clicks]

CLOVER: Exactly.

There isn't squat about Simon Tucker in any of these files.

Tell me about it.

This was just a big waste of time in a gross room.

[clatters]

Whoa! OK.

This room is grosser.

Hello!

These are all Simon Tucker's old files!

This must be part of his old store.

Listen to this.

"If they try to steal my store from me,

they're going to pay dearly.

These capitalist pigs will feel the wrath

of Anti-Consumer Team."

[screeching]

[screams]

More rats!

I know how to get rid of 'em.

[coughing]

What the--?

Rats!

What do we do now?

Just run!

Looks like this is the end of the passageway!

Then let's make a new passageway!

[splashes]

[both scream]

Huh?

[growling]

I mean, how weird is that?

A bunch of anti-mall freaks, chasing us with wooden clubs!

Freaky, indeed.

It appears the club is made from a very

rare Sydney Red Gumtree, which only

grows in Sydney, Australia.

So the wackos get their wood from Australia.

OK.

Is Simon Tucker from Australia, or something?

A fair assumption, but we're not definite.

What we do know is that his former store

was an Australian import shop.

No wonder his store went under.

JERRY: Speaking of "under," you two will be leaving

for "down under" in one hour. Good day, ladies.

[jet engine roars]

OK.

Time to find Simon Tucker.

It should be cake.

Luckily, Australia's a tiny little place.

Oh, wait-- do you hear something?

[didgeridoos droning]

[droning continues]

Peace, love, and groovy times, baby.

What is this place?

ALEX: And what's with those patches?

CLOVER: Are those people doing Tai Chi?

Attack!

Destroy the mall!

ALL: (CHANTING) Down with malls!

Stop all shoppers!

Demolish the walls!

Whoa-- these people are serious wackos.

Look over there!

ALL: Down with consumers!

A whole training camp to learn how to destroy stores!

These people are like my worst nightmare!

What the--?

[machinery grinding]

[crowd gasping]

ALEX: So this is where all the stores end up?

They shoot through the tunnel, like the one in Cairo!

That means Sam must be around here, somewhere.

SCIENTIST: I think I've I've perfected a more potent patch.

Come to the lab.

Putting the patches on the temple

stimulates more of the nerve endings, faster.

Now the mind-think serum travels directly to the brain's core.

Our revolutionary anti-shopping army

will be even more powerful.

I think Simon will be happy.

You call yourselves anti-shopping revolutionaries?

I think not!

(TOGETHER): Sam?

As we carry out the revolution, remember our goal--

to destroy all shopping!

Right?

ALL: Right!

I can't hear you!

ALL: Right!

Shopping is evil, sir!

Man, Sam is totally brainwashed!

It must be that patch on her head.

Whatever it is, we have to get her out of here-- like, now.

OK. we swoop down, and net Sam.

Ready?

Huh?

ALL: Hey!

What is that?

Let me down!

You won't get away with this!

Retreat!

Ow! - Ow!

Hey!

[crowd cheering]

[boots stomping]

VOICE (ON PA): Attention, anti-shoppers.

We have caught the infiltrators.

They're in prison one.

I couldn't have designed a better prison, myself.

Yeah.

I hope there's a sale going on.

[gasps] Simon Tucker!

That's me.

Welcome to your final minutes as misguided,

materialistic consumers.

After my technicians apply these to your fragile temples,

I'll be proud to have you in my army.

We are not joining any army of yours!

You're from Beverly Hills, aren't you?

Yes, and proud of it.

And you love shopping.

Then you'll love this!

Sweet!

These are fabulous-- and expensive!

Oh-- they totally match that short,

blue skirt you just bought!

Beverly Hills is a scourge.

The ultimate paradise for evil shoppers.

It's the most heinous example of consumerism on Earth.

ALL: (CHANTING) Down with consumers.

Down with malls.

Stop all shoppers.

Demolish the walls.

All

I don't know what Beverly Hills you're talking about.

And you are not going to get away with your evil plan!

By the way, what is your evil plan?

Well, since you'll soon be helping to carry it out,

I guess I can tell you.

I plan on ridding the world of all materialism

and consumerism-- the very things that ruined my life.

I, and ACT-- my Anti-Consumerism Teams--

will destroy malls around the world,

starting with the new mall in your Beverly Hills.

What?

No way, you creep!

You can't!

That's our new mall!

Nothing is going to stand between us and that mall!

You're going down, mister!

The jets are ready to leave, sir.

The Armies of ACT are mobilized.

Sam, Sam, how can you do this?

It's Beverly Hills-- our Beverly Hills!

Down with consumers!

Down with malls!

ALL: (CHANTING) Stop all shoppers!

Demolish the walls!

Too bad you won't be in the army to destroy your own mall.

But there are many others.

Well, time to go to the grand opening--

I mean, grand closing.

Hey!

These scarves are from Paris!

Hah!

Come on!

That was not the kind of shopping spree I had in mind.

We have to get to the new Beverly Hills Mall right away.

The future of shopping depends on us!

[birds singing]

[crowd chattering]

[cheering]

[wagnerian horns]

ALL: (CHANTING) Down with consumers!

Down with malls!

[screaming]

ALL: Demolish the walls!

Destroy all shoppers!

Demolish the walls!

Down the consumers!

Quick-- use the voice-altering bullhorn thingy.

SIMON (ON PA): This is Simon Tucker.

My faithful ACT army-- come destroy the third floor!

Troops!

ALL: (CHANTING) Down with consumers!

Down with malls!

Stop all shoppers!

[grunting]

Sam, snap out of it!

Remember us?

We're your friends, Clover and Alex!

Shopping is evil!

We have to get those stupid patches off her head.

Huh?

Oh, my!

Put on your halter.

We can grab Sam and parachute down.

[screaming]

CLOVER: Over there!

Land in the fountain!

Ew!

That water looks nasty!

Wouldn't you like to take a nice, refreshing bath, Sammie?

Stay away!

[electric shocks]

Ow!

Sorry!

Man!

That was weird.

Was I, like, brainwashed, or something?

You totally were.

But no time to chat.

Wait-- I remember.

We have to save this mall!

Simon plans to blow it up!

Duh!

What do you think we've been doing?

There he is!

We have to get the patches off the ACT army and stop Simon.

Well, water should do the trick.

That's how yours came off.

Good point!

I have a plan.

Come on!

Troops, it's almost time to commence the grand plan!

Come in closer, and listen well!

OK!

[crowd muttering]

SAM: Peel your patches off!

That's an order!

Simon is an evil man.

He has no right to hurt innocent people and destroy malls.

Now let's stop him!

ALL: Yeah!

You won't win!

You'll never win!

Fight my new army!

Are you close to him?

Yeah.

[crowd screaming]

Hm?

Huh?

This can't be happening!

My plan was foolproof!

Congrats, girls.

You've made the world safe again for obsessive shoppers.

I swear, I didn't steal it.

It was found in your bag.

That's the point.

And you have to deal with the consequences--

and they're not pretty.

[gasps] You have to believe me.

Please!

I am not the kind of person who would steal!

Case closed.

It was in your bag.

You are not going to lie your way out of this one.

[beeps]

MANDY (ON VIDEO): No one gets away

with calling me "beauty queen" and not really meaning it.

This should bring down that pathetic wanna-be.

You!

I knew you were in on this!

Nice try, lady.

I hereby assign you to two weeks on the store's cleaning crew.

[gasps] Cleaning crew?

I've never cleaned anything in my entire life!

Can't I just hire someone to do the cleaning for me?

While you're cleaning the mall,

why don't you take this opportunity

to clean up your act!

So how did that TV turn on by itself?

SAM: And then show the exact tape you needed?

No need to thank me, girls.

It was my pleasure.

Jerr, you rule!

[laughing]

[theme music]