Original subtitles

.

- All right, St. Denis Senior Health Fair,

you guys ready to have a good time?

- Aw, yeah.

[pop music playing]

- ? If you take a fall ?

- ? Yeah ?

- ? Then you want to roll ?

- ? Onto your back ?

both: ? Gonna get you back upright ?

- Every year, we invite senior citizens to the hospital

for free tests and screenings.

But this year, Joyce is letting me

amp it up into a full on event.

I am so excited to educate our elderly community

about their health, and I don't know,

maybe we'll have some fun along the way.

? Pivot your body to sit ?

- ? On that surface ?

- ? Sit for a couple of minutes ?

- ? You should never stand immediately after a fall ?

? ?

[upbeat music]

? ?

- So I said to him, Budgie,

people do not like to be screamed at.

Use your indoor voice, Budgie.

- Mm-hmm.

Well, today is old people day.

They will get their health screenings and flu shots,

and I will get meandering stories

and my cheeks pinched without consent, uppers and lowers.

There is this lady who brought me fudge

for the last couple of years.

I hope she's still alive.

- Knock, knock. Phlebotomy fairy.

- Just in time-you can finish up with Miss Crowley.

- All right, Marjorie, mind if I steal your arm real quick?

Promise to give it right back.

- Oh, you're sweet.

- Oh, now you gotta even it out.

I'll turn the other cheek.

- [laughs] You're clever. - [laughs]

- She's his problem now.

- Oh, let me tell you about Budgie.

- Oh, I have an uncle named Budgie.

- [gasps] You do?

- Yeah, he's my dad's brother. - Oh!

- Bruce, your cardiac patient in 104 woke up.

She's asking for you.

- Ah, OK, well...

[clears throat] Here we go.

I had kind of an interesting morning.

Patient brought in, no pulse, gone six minutes,

but somehow I brought her back.

[applause] You should probably wait here.

It's kind of a personal moment.

Or you could pull back, do one of those faraway shots

where you're hiding and it's respectful and-you got it.

- Just so you know, she's pretty upset.

I guess she had a do-not-resuscitate order.

- Do you know where Joyce is?

I need to speak to her.

- All right, everybody, come on down.

Bingo time, OK?

But wait, are those invaluable health facts on those cards

instead of numbers?

Uh, yeah, they are.

- Hello, my child.

Got anything to confess?

- Dude, we're at work. Space.

- All right, guys, we've got dabbers.

We've got cards. We are ready to rock.

- No, there's really nothing going on between me

and Chaplain Steve.

I mean, we hung out once or twice.

It's not a big deal.

It's whatever.

- Are Serena and I seeing each other?

[chuckles]

You tell me.

She left this at my place.

Not that she needs an excuse to come back.

[chuckles] Nah, but she's cool.

Super cool.

- OK, remove clutter, cords,

and loose rugs from walkways.

This is a good one, guys.

You don't want to trip.

- Annabelle does the tidying.

- OK, well, just go ahead and dab

if you have "remove clutter, cords, and loose rugs

from walkways."

- This isn't bingo.

- Well, it's a form of bingo.

- What about the numbers?

- Instead of numbers, we're doing useful health tips.

- Then where are the numbers?

- There are no numbers.

- This isn't bingo.

- Hello, hello.

- Hey, there she is.

- How are you feeling?

Joyce Henderson.

I'm the administrator here at St. Denis Medical.

I'm also a licensed physician but, more importantly,

a fellow human being who is deeply sorry

that you did not get the care that you deserved.

You had a do-not-resuscitate order in place,

and we did resuscitate.

- I am so sorry.

You know, honestly, I wish I wasn't such a gifted surgeon.

I tell you, if it had been one of my colleagues

that had tried to revive you,

this would be a very different conversation.

Well, it wouldn't be a conversation at all.

It would be-

- Is there a way we can make this right?

- Well, I wanted to die, so...

- Sure, sure. - Hmm.

- Anything cafeteria-wise?

It's on us, obviously.

- Look, I don't care about any of this.

Can you just leave me alone? - OK, I'll just-

I'm just gonna get a bunch of stuff, and if you eat it,

you eat it, OK? - There you go.

- You have to meet my granddaughter.

She says she likes girls, but she doesn't know.

- These old people are, like, freakishly obsessed with Matt.

- Better him than me. [chuckles]

Hey, it's my favorite fudge lady.

She's still kicking.

Boy, I've been looking forward to her all day.

Wait, that's my fudge.

- OK, they're vibing.

- Fudge is a once-a-year treat,

and this is supposed to be that day.

That is my fudge.

- OK, what's it gonna be?

Uh-oh, another blank one.

Ha! Whoops.

Technical difficulties.

- This is bad, right? - Brutal.

- OK, here we go. Use bright LED bulbs.

Guys, here's why this one's important, OK?

- Bingo! - Bingo!

all: Bingo!

- Wait, all of you at the same time?

How's that possible?

- Bingo. - Bingo.

- OK, I think what might have happened

is that I printed out the same card 50 times

instead of printing out 50 different cards.

Actually, I know that's what happened.

[all clamoring]

- Oh, God.

- They might riot.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Why don't we just split the prize?

[all groaning] OK.

- Let's go back to the center and we'll play some real bingo.

- Yeah!

- Hey, hey, hey, guys, don't leave yet.

- Why not?

- I don't know.

[all grumbling]

- Because you're gonna miss balloon volleyball, huh?

Who's in?

You're one of my captains.

You are one of my captains.

What, are you in a rush to get to the cemetery, Bill?

Come on.

Oh, and, Marion, I've been waiting all day

to see you jump around.

Don't make me beg.

- Chaplain. [chuckles]

- This way. No, I'm with you 100%.

Wasn't real bingo.

.

- Mm, your breakfast lasagna's gonna be here any minute.

You're gonna be glad you stuck around.

- Yeah, trust me.

It sounds gross, I know, but it's a real crowd-pleaser.

- Can you guys just leave so I can watch TV?

- Can I say one last thing, please?

- OK.

- I've looked at your chart.

No chronic pain, no lifestyle restrictions.

You could still have some good years.

Can't you just try to frame this extra time

as an opportunity?

- For what?

- Well, I mean, there are all kinds

of new and exciting things out there.

- Like?

- Oh, you know what? Check this out.

I was just reading about this.

An underwater hotel in the Maldives.

Psychedelic blues and greens and-

wow, OK, it's $8,000 a night,

but you slap that on a credit card,

and what do you care?

- Oh, well, that does look fun.

- Yeah, there you go. - It does, doesn't it?

- Who would I go with?

My kids? - Yeah.

- That sounds great. - I don't have kids.

Oh, maybe my husband.

- Yes. - It's a trap.

- It is. - Gotcha.

- Look, that's OK.

I don't have kids or a partner either.

In fact, I just broke off my engagement,

and I'm doing just fine.

- At your age?

Oof. Listen, I have no one.

I worked like crazy for years, and then I looked up,

and my life was empty.

But it was too late to do anything about it.

Do you have any idea what that's like, huh?

- No.

No. - Yikes.

You OK?

I mean, that must have been hard for you.

Workaholic, no husband, no kids.

I mean, she was basically describing your life.

- I'm sorry, didn't that sound a little bit

like your life too?

- [scoffs]

No.

- All right.

Little Rascals are up 7 to 3.

Let's put some muscle into it, ladies.

- [laughs]

- Fun, right? Look at them move.

- Yeah, definitely, definitely.

- New rule: every time you hit the balloon,

I want to hear the weirdest place you ever knocked boots.

- Oh, Chaplain. - Oh!

- Someone get the balloon over to Marion, pronto.

- Arizona. [laughter]

- The movie theater.

- We should probably, you know,

get things back on track soon, but, you know.

- I'm sorry, are you mad?

Your nostrils are doing that thing.

- No.

I just feel like we're not educating them.

- 10050 Cielo Drive.

- I mean, I guess I hear you, but don't you think

it's kind of nice that-canoe-

everyone's participating?

I mean, that's good, right?

- Yeah, for sure.

It's not exactly what I had in mind, but it's good.

It's fine. - Your mom's bed.

- Oh, you got me, Walt. You got me.

- Ticker's sounding good.

Keeping better time than the Glenn Miller Orchestra.

You remember them?

- I mostly listen to show tunes.

- Yeah.

Has anyone ever told you that you were a dead ringer

for Sophia Loren?

- That slut from the Italian skin flicks?

- Yeah.

Ooh, wow, is that some of your famous fudge

from last year?

- Yes, it is.

- I love that fudge.

- Thank you.

It's my special recipe.

- Spike it home, Bill.

- You got this.

- I mostly had sex in my house.

- Hey, good hit. Good hit.

Good hit, Bill.

Guys, I'm gonna add a new rule.

OK, so whenever you get the balloon,

I want you to say your favorite source of fiber.

All right? Super fun.

And I'll start.

Whole grains. [balloon pops]

- Oh! - Whoa!

- Sorry. - Wow.

- I'm so sorry.

I think the Little Rascals won it.

[chuckles]

- The amount of fiber I have to eat,

oh, it's a terrible burden.

- You know what?

Why don't we just keep the party going,

move on to our next activity, huh?

Who here likes lame PowerPoints?

Me neither.

What about funny PowerPoints, though?

- The chaplain said we'd have a dance party.

- He called it a booty bash.

- Booty bash. - He did, huh? That's fun.

Guys, I think we might have to save the booty bash

for another time, you know?

Listen, I think you'll find that this PowerPoint is very-

- ? I like to move it, move it ?

? I like to move it, move it ?

? I like to move it, move it ?

- All right, all right, let's see those moves.

Get your farts out before you hit the dance floor.

Donald, I'm looking at you.

- We'll do this, and then we'll do my thing, OK, guys?

Because I actually need a few minutes to set up anyway,

so it's fine.

Serena, can you-

- Whoo, let's get it!

- All right. It's 1998.

Ecstasy just hit the scene.

[indistinct chatter]

- [singsongy] Stella.

Stella Bella. Stella Bella.

[chuckles] Quick question for you.

My life's worth living, right?

No, I'm fine.

There are a lot of people out there

who are worse off than I am.

And frankly, when my cup runneth low,

talking to those people really helps me get some perspective.

Keith, sweet, sweet Keith, you look troubled.

- Oh, you got me dead to rights.

I guess that's why you're in charge.

I am troubled.

- Tell me everything.

- Well, me and the family

are going camping this weekend,

and all the songs and late-night laughing fits,

there's no way I'm gonna get my normal

9 1/2 hours of sleep.

- Yeah, that sounds horrible.

- It's also tricky trying to cram all us Fingers

into one tent, but I guess that's the point-

whole family together.

Hey, Joyce, thanks so much.

- Shut up, Keith. Dakota's in crisis.

- [crying] - Oh.

Hey, is everything OK?

Did something happen?

- Yes.

I got engaged. [laughs]

- [gasps]

What?

No. No.

You?

Come on. No!

OK, you know what?

New rule: no jewelry on the floor.

We are not in Miami.

Ugh, give me a [bleep] break.

- Hey, Mom. Mama-jama.

You know, I've been thinking, and I actually don't have

too much in common with Eleanor.

I have an extensive family tree.

Yeah, sure, sometimes you get wrapped up in work,

but you just have to make time to water those roots

and keep those branches strong.

So it's been a minute, I know, but how about your favorite son

swoops you up and takes you to Outback Steakhouse?

And yes, you can fill up on bread.

Oh, you're in Tahoe?

That's cool.

With who?

No, come on, I thought we agreed

we weren't seeing Frank anymore.

Because he's a showboat, Mom.

Marcus, my guy.

What is up?

It's cousin Bruce.

.

- Whoo, get it, Shirley.

Show us what that new hip can do.

- Hey, Steve. - Hey.

Pretty good, right?

- Hmm.

- Look at Serena go out there.

- Yeah, look at her go. That's-she's great.

This is super fun, truly.

I just don't know if this is, like, totally appropriate.

- You mean the thing I said about Donald

farting on the dance floor?

It was a joke. - No.

- He ripped one earlier.

- No, not that.

I mean, a little bit that.

But no, the main point of this is to educate them,

and I just think we should get back to that.

- You're totally right. - Yeah.

[music stops]

- Hey, guys, so fun partying with all of you,

but we're gonna do Alex's thing now, OK?

- Whoo! - The PowerPoint thing.

- Yeah. It's gonna be great.

Let's all go back to the chairs, OK?

All right.

- OK, so today we will be performing

a vascular surgery on Mr. Benz.

So let's... [sputters]

Step into a place of gratitude, et cetera,

and-I don't know.

Just get the music going.

[R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts" playing]

? ?

Makes you think.

- ? When your day is long ?

- [sighs]

- May I offer you another pillow?

- No. - All right.

I've got the fluffiest of the bunch

for the cutest gal I know.

- You are the sweetest. - Aw.

- You get another piece of fudge.

- Ooh, yummers. I'll wash my hands.

- Yummers. I love that.

- I'm impressed that you still cook.

A lot of younger people like Matt

don't respect the old ways.

- Please, that's a bunch of bull.

Matthew has behaved perfectly, as far as I can see,

and he's not condescending, like some people.

- Well, I just-

I was agreeing with Matt in saying that your fudge

does look...yummers.

- I'm giving the rest to Matthew.

He deserves it.

- He deserves it? - Mm.

- [scoffs] The man's got some flaws.

He's got some flaws.

- We all have our little quirks.

- Do we? He left his wife in Montana.

That's a quirk.

Kicked her to the curb and hit the road.

Now, that's quite... [curtain rattles]

A quirk.

- Washed my hands.

- Hypertension affects 72% of men

between the ages of 65 and 74.

For men 75 and older, that number jumps to...

[tires screeching]

Whoa, look out, 83.2%.

That is why-

[chuckles awkwardly]

Um...

Guys, listen, I know that this is not as much fun

as dancing, OK?

But it really can help.

Just a few small changes in your routine

can make a big difference.

You know, my Nan Doris took a fall when she was 70,

and she just- she just never got better.

So if any of this can buy you, you know, more time,

more memories with your grandkids and your families,

you know, it-

[sighs] It's, um...

[person coughs]

It's fine.

Steve, you can- yeah, turn the music back on.

[hip-hop music playing]

- You heard the lovely lady.

Back to the dance floor!

Let's scoot those glutes.

Let's scoot those glutes.

That's your butt.

- Oh, hey.

[sighs] I really need a cup of java.

- Yeah, same.

Hey, did you hear Dakota got engaged?

- Dakota? What? That can't be right.

She must have misunderstood.

[Men Without Hats' "The Safety Dance" playing]

What the hell's this?

- I don't know.

I thought they were just playing bingo.

- My God, they're not very good.

What? I'm not gonna lie.

- Excuse me, young lady, would you do me the honors?

- Oh, I would love to, but I need to file some-

- Please. You remind me of my late wife.

- Well, OK, I guess I can do it for a minute.

Tell me about this wife.

- Oh, she was wonderful.

Not as wonderful as my current wife.

- Oh. - Wow.

- Yo, Brucey, get out here

and bang up this dance floor, bro hammer.

- No. No, no, I ca-

OK, one song is all right.

Here we go.

Yeah. OK, I see you.

- Whoo! [laughs] - Oh!

- Put some funk in that junk.

- ? As long as we abuse it ?

? Never gonna lose it ?

? Everything will work out right ?

? I say we can dance if we want to ?

.

- Hey, um, I'm sorry.

That was out of line.

I think I went a little fudge crazy.

- Oh, it's OK.

I can see why you went there.

This stuff is good.

- Yes. Yes, it is.

- Oh, um, sorry.

Didn't mean to touch you.

- It's good you clarified that.

- It's just, Agnes made me promise not to give you any,

and I feel weird going back on her request.

- No, I get it.

I respect the integrity.

- Thanks, man.

It means a lot to me.

- There's no competing with the allure of youth,

but with age comes wisdom,

and you learn a few things over time...

like how to override the code on the lockers

that hasn't been changed in 15 years.

Mmm, she did it again.

We gotta keep this woman ticking.

- To the left.

Now pump it.

- OK, Steve.

Go, Steve.

- Hey.

Hey!

Do you have to, like, encourage him?

- What?

I'm just trying to help your thing.

- This is not my thing, OK?

Nobody is learning anything.

That guy's been doing the Macarena for, like, 30 minutes.

No, Chaplain Steve has hijacked this whole thing, OK?

He's a hijacker.

- Girl, come on. He didn't hijack it.

He just gave it a boost.

- Can you just support me even when I'm wrong?

And why have you been defending him all day?

Honestly. - I'm not.

- No, everything that he's- [dull thud]

- Oh, [bleep].

- Sir, are you OK?

- Yeah, yeah, I think so.

- OK, don't rush to get up, all right?

What you want to do is, you want to roll.

- And you want to roll onto your back.

I know the song. - Yes. Oh, my gosh.

That's right. - Yeah, yeah.

It was so annoying, I couldn't get it out of my head.

Also, you were off-key and it didn't rhyme.

- OK, well, it's not-

you're OK? - Yeah.

[applause]

- What a treat. - Yeah.

- Dancing in the middle of the day.

I gotta say, Bruce, you got some moves.

- Well, you-you looked like

you did not care what anyone thought.

I envy that kind of confidence.

Crazy idea.

What if we brought Eleanor down there?

- Oh, yeah, she might get something out of it.

- I thought so too.

You know, dance is a central component

of many Indigenous ceremonies.

- Absolutely, absolutely.

- Cardiogenic shock.

Dr. Andrews is gonna call it.

Shouldn't be long.

- Oh. - Huh.

- Well, that's good... right?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- No, yeah, that's what she wanted, so...

- OK.

- You know, I'm just gonna wait here until she goes.

- Of course. - [sighs, clears throat]

- You know what? I'm gonna just stick with you.

It's good to have company, huh?

- Yeah.

Just so you know, nothing is ever gonna happen with us.

[sighs]

- A lot of Ricola wrappers here.

- Yeah, that was Bill.

He didn't even eat any.

He just dumped them out of his pockets.

- Dude, we crushed it.

- Oh, I don't know about that.

You crushed it.

- Are you kidding? We're a team.

You brought them to the theater, I gave them a show,

and now you're cleaning up all the popcorn and crap.

Great work, Mazurkian.

- Thanks. [chuckles]

That's nice.

- See you later?

See you both later.

- OK.

You know, maybe Chaplain Steve's not that bad.

- Yeah. See?

He's great.

- OK, I don't know about great.

- No.

He's fine. He's good.

He's like, yeah, whatever you said.

- Oh, my God.

Serena, did you-

- What?

- Did you hook up with Chaplain Steve?

- Shut up. - You did.

- Shut up. Shut up. Shh.

- [laughs]

- Only twice. - Oh, my God.

- And a half.

Then another 3/4 this morning.

It's chill. It's cazh.

- Is it? Is it chill? Is it cazh?

- It's so not a big deal.

And if you tell anyone, so help me God,

I will skin you alive.

- This makes so much more sense,

because all day, you've been like,

eh, Chaplain Steve is so great.

Look how good he's doing.

I can't wait to do it with him later.

- OK, get it out of your system now,

because we're never talking about this again.

- So, wait, is he, like, weird in bed?

- Obviously. - [laughs]

Will you come over for dinner and tell me everything?

- Yes.

[bell clangs]

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