Original subtitles

Previously on Rescue Me.

Your heart's working at maybe 50 percent capacity.

So why don't you just say it? I'm a dead man.

No, but you're gonna have to give up working.

I'm with Mickey now.

[SCOFFS]

And he is this close

to getting Damian to change his mind about his life path.

We were thinking like a bike or a jogging path in Pat's name.

Not every guy who meets an untimely end on his gig

gets a public dedication, bro.

I don't accept your amends,

SHEILA: and I do not forgive you.

[WHIMPERING] I want you to stay away from me forever.

[PHONE KEY BEEPS]

From now on, fresh start.

No booze, no grudges, and no Sheila.

Get a job where you know

you're gonna come home at night. Your work, there's no guarantee

you're gonna be here in two days.

I don't know if 'm cut out for this.

I mean, you wanna get out, it's your decision.

You're saying you want me to stay?

You know, it's up to you.

I had a change of heart.

Told you he'd be back. Listen, this job is balls out

or no balls at all.

Yes. Balls to the wall. Got it.

All right, go get them.

[LOUD CREAKING]

MAN: Lou!

Come on, guys, we gotta go!

SHEILA: I know, Dr. Klein, I know.

But there's a huge canyon between

knowing something and accepting it.

I know, it's like as a living, breathing human person,

I know what reality is. But as a mother...

As a mother, I think that, uh...

I still think I see him walking around.

You know, in the neighborhood or at the store.

I even sometimes think

that I hear him moving around the apartment.

Ha-ha. I know.

I know, but I am getting better.

I'm keeping myself very busy. So...

How am I doing on the blame? Uh...

I still blame myself and him.

Mostly him.

No, no. I'm kidding. I'm joking.

Listen, is it cold outside?

Like, did you have to wear a coat,

or do I need a coat and a sweater?

No.

Dr. Klein, I'm not avoiding the issue.

Damian chose to ride the truck that night.

He chose to join the fire department,

so if I was gonna blame anybody, I...

I'd blame that stupid baby that he saved

the week before the accident.

Saving that baby is what sent him

over the moon about the job, SO...

No. I do not...

I do not blame anybody.

Right?

Ooh! I gotta go.

Yeah, Okay, okay, okay.

What is the...

What's the mantra for the day?

[EXHALES]

It's not my fault.

It's not my fault.

It's not my fault.

[EXHALES]

Ah, I can't believe how well that works sometimes.

Ha-ha. I know, yes.

Yes, same time tomorrow.

Dr. Klein, thank you so much for doing these phone sessions.

You're really, like... You're really saving my life.

Yes.

Heh. Okay. Okay, bye.

[CRYING]

[FIRE TRUCK SIREN WAILING]

[DOOR OPENS]

TOMMY: Hello. Sorry I'm late.

Traffic was a bitch. I could have walked here faster.

[SNIFFS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Hey, how was your, uh...

Phone thing?

[FRIDGE DOOR CLOSES]

Okay, you have got to stop...

beating yourself up about this.

Jesus Christ, it's not your fault.

I know, I know, I know.

Okay, listen, I got you...

Okay?

It's Not Your Fault:

[CLEARS THROAT]

Overcoming the Blame Game

and Getting Your Life Back on Track.

Uh, what, stupid? I knew it. I-- I shouldn't have...

No. You went to a bookstore?

[SIGHS]

What, it's impossible for me to go into a book--

You know, I read a lot of books.

About baseball.

No, no. Not just baseball.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Football, hockey... Uh-huh.

Golf. Don't even play golf. Never played golf.

I've read six books about the Kennedys.

I read that giant Mickey Mantle biography,

which doesn't count as a baseball book

it was mostly about drinking. Okay, all right.

Heh. I'm sorry.

It was very nice of you to get for me.

It was actually, um, in the magazine aisle

at the supermarket, but I think it's an important book.

It's got a quote from Dr. Oz on it

and I think he's on Oprah?

Yes, he is on Oprah. Okay. So...

And I got the chicken we were talking about, okay?

Mm-hm. And I got the protein powder

Franco was telling me about.

The protein thing's working, right? The diet?

Oh. I-- You know,

I've been so frazzled, it's hard to tell,

but I have got to get going

because I really, really, wanna catch that specialist.

Hey, but I really... I want you to read this book.

I will. I promise you I'm gonna read that book.

All right.

Has anybody heard from Mickey?

Teddy said he saw him at a meeting, ugh,

which means, you know,

he's not drinking.

Couldn't happen to a nicer douchebag.

I'll be back in a couple of hours.

Hey.

Handsome.

I'm gonna go see a man about a drug

that's gonna help you walk again.

Uncle Tommy's right over there, okay?

[DOOR CLOSES]

All right, pal.

I'm gonna make your favorite

chicken tuna thing.

[THE VON BONDIES' "C'MON, C'MON" PLAYING]

♪ On another day C'mon, cmon ♪

♪ With these ropes tied tight Can we do no wrong? ♪

♪ Now we grieve 'Cause now it's gone ♪

♪ Things were good When we were young ♪

♪ When my teeth bite down I can see the blood ♪

♪ Of a thousand men Who have come and gone ♪

♪ Now we grieve 'Cause now it's gone ♪

♪ Things were good When we were young ♪

♪ Is it safe to stay? ♪ ♪ C'mon, cmon ♪

♪ Was it right to leave? ♪ C'mon, c'mon ♪

♪ Will I ever learn? ♪ ♪ C'mon, cmon ♪

♪ C'mon, ¢'/mon C'mon, cmon ♪

Gentlemen, I got the official word.

You're a moron. Gonna ignore that.

Because you can't think of a good comeback?

No, my friend, I've got a good comeback.

Let's hear it. Well, no, it's too late now.

Oh, by all means, let me cue you again.

You're a moron. Anyhow...

[CHUCKLES]

Listen. Official word is tomorrow,

Central Park will be the official unveiling

of the Patrick James Mahoney memorial pavilion.

Oh, Sweet. Nice.

Pat's mom wants a sunset ceremony,

so we'd head over there after work,

show a sign of support. FRANCO: Yeah. Shit, yeah.

I hope I get a pavilion when I burn up.

A pavilion's the shit. Yeah, man. Pavilion.

What is a pavilion?

I think it's some kind of building.

No, no. I think it's sort of like a plaza,

an open-air, sort of walkway kind of thing, you know?

Nah, it's a building. Fancy, big windows.

I'm glad you are as confused as I.

When I heard it, I thought it was a big number.

After a jillion comes a pavilion.

And with that, we looped back to "you're a moron."

First of all, young Einstein,

there's no such thing as a jillion.

Not true.

I went to High School with a girl named Jillian.

Nasty.

Let you feel her up,

blow your socks off, just for a can of Coke.

Jesus, imagine what you can get for a 12-can refrigerator pack.

Or if you had a pavilion cans. Imagine that.

[FRANCO LAUGHS] So many cans.

Okay, why we talking about pavilions?

Well, because tomorrow after work,

Pat Mahoney is getting a pavilion

named for him in Central Park. We're all going down.

Count me in.

I think we should bring Damian with us.

You think?

But the kid's in a chair, like fresh in a chair.

He's been in the house two months?

What Tommy's been saying,

Sheila's been on the kid day and night.

Although, I don't know how she'll feel

about having this motley crew rolling her

not-so-bouncing baby boy into the middle of Central Park.

Come on, Lou, what could go wrong?

Well, I mean, first thing, uh,

the kid's sitting there like a statue.

FRANCO: Uh-huh.

Pigeons.

Oh! Oh, man! Come on!

What? Seriously. Hey, come on.

This is about not forgetting our heroes.

I mean, Damian's the hero as much as the next guy.

I mean, we wanna forget him?

Maybe you're not such a moron.

No, no, he's a moron, but he makes a good point.

Hey, guys. Unbelievable.

Pat's memorial? Tomorrow. I heard.

You guys are not gonna guess who I saw.

You-- You'll never guess in a million years.

How about a pavilion years?

You beat me to it. Mikey, who?

Okay, so, uh, I go to this little bodega, right?

And it's a bodega that I don't actually usually go to,

but I went today.

Spit it out. Get on with it.

And, um, I'm going down the aisle,

I'm thinking about what I'm gonna get.

What's with all the buildup? What, dude? I'm--

With a buildup like this,

you better be telling us you saw Angelina Jolie

doing a one-handed handstand

in a short skirt and no panties.

I saw Mickey.

Oh, shit, Mikey. Where's Tommy?

He's gonna wanna hear. Bunk room last time I saw.

You sure it was him? Yeah.

You talked to the guy?

Yes. Uh-huh. What did he say?

"Hi, Mike." Oh, wow.

Where was this? Like, blocks away, Lou.

This guy's got balls, showing his face here again.

Yeah, guy's got some set of balls

doing what he did in the first place.

Hey, Lou. Somebody's here to see you.

Maybe it's Mick.

He ain't got balls that big.

This guy says he's your doctor?

Last time you were in my office,

didn't we talk about you retiring?

Look, um, we just lost a guy on our crew, a young kid.

So right now, it's kind of all hands on deck,

For me to just walk away--

Yeah, or crawl away, which is more likely.

[SIGHS]

Look, maybe a couple of months?

You know. I-1-1 don't know.

You think I don't know what you're up to?

You have a department physical coming up, right?

A physical you are guaranteed not to pass.

And you want me to get you off the hook,

give you a clean bill of health,

lie to the F.D.N.Y.

So you good with that?

Oh, Christ.

This is all I know how to do, doc.

I don't fish. I don't golf.

I fight fires.

And I eat cake.

So you take away the fires, and I promise you,

three weeks, a month, tops,

I will be dead

due to cake-related injuries.

Can you live with that?

Now if I lie for you

and you die in a fire

and some or all of your beloved crew dies

trying to save you,

can you live with that?

Enjoy your cake.

Hey!

Shh!

Okay.

[BABY CRYING]

Dad. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Can you help me with my essay?

Uh, sure, honey, give me two seconds. I want--

Mom said you knew a lot about the Vietnam War,

and that's what it's on and it's due tomorrow.

Expert on the Vietnam war.

Two seconds. Okay? Okay.

Hey!

You missed the meeting.

Last night, you said you'd take me

to the St. Celia Tuesday night AA meeting?

[SIGHS]

And I waited and now it's too late.

Ugh, shit! I totally forgot.

Really? I never would have guessed.

Oh, boy.

She's pissed, huh?

Yeah? Well, we're all pissed, except for Wyatt,

and that's only because he's a baby.

I'm sure his little sponge brain

is already soaking up the disappointment,

broken promises, and general ADD malaise

that is Tommy Gavin.

What's that supposed to--

Dad. Yeah.

Vietham?

Two minutes, honey. Okay?

What? What is that... What was that thing you said?

The malaise?

Oh, that's just a fancy way of saying bullshit.

Okay, no. The other thing.

ADD. You, Tommy, have emotional ADD.

Okay, you keep promising the world

to your children and to your wife,

and then you spend half of your waking hours

spoon-feeding your brain-damaged godson

and giving emotional support to your ex-girlfriend.

I mean, you missed three dinners this week.

And right now, you were supposed to be at the St. Celia CYC AA.

Okay, not to mention the F.D.N.Y. thing,

the PAL thing, and the PTA thing,

all of which you missed last week.

Tommy, you promised me that you would be focused here

at home on us.

But no, you are so busy trying to save

the goddamn world,

rescuing people from fires, from cars,

Sheila, Damian, every other goddamn soul on this planet,

except your own goddamn family.

I mean, it's like you have OCD,

except instead of germs, you're obsessed with saving strangers.

When it comes to Sheila...

Have you thought about PTSD when it comes to her?

Honey, I told you, I got tested. She got tested--

PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder, Tommy.

And thank you for that visual.

Okay. I don't know. Maybe I do have ADD.

and CBS and NHL,

the LPA. I don't know.

I'm just one guy, you know, with-- With one family.

No. With two families.

Okay, two families. You know...

Okay, has Mickey resurfaced yet?

A couple of the guys saw him, but he's not helping out.

He's not involved. He doesn't know...

Okay, so Damian and your girlfriend

are now your responsibility. Jesus Christ.

It's not my girlfriend.

This is not a girlfriend thing. This is a family thing.

If I'd never slept with her and this happened to Damian,

wouldn't you expect me to do what I'm doing for Jimmy?

Yes, yes. Okay, see?

Yes, but you did sleep with her, and that is the difference.

Look, Katy has a dance recital tomorrow night,

and Colleen has her 50th meeting in 50 days.

You need to be there for both.

Okay.

Jesus Christ.

Dad. Vietnam, right.

What have you got so far?

Okay, I have that once we got in,

we couldn't get out.

And both sides dug their heels in

and neither one would let up any ground.

And that's basically the main idea, right?

Don't I know it. JANET: What?

Uh, we're talking American history here.

SHEILA: So you're gonna be with him

at this pavilion hoosie-whatsie, right?

Yeah. SHEILA: Okay.

SHEILA: Then I shouldn't worry.

I mean, I would go.

It's just that I really wanna catch this specialist.

It's like he's only here one week out of every year.

Yeah.

Listen, it'll do him some good

to be out of the house. You know what I mean?

SHEILA: I guess. Besides, you know what,

you've gotta drive the van.

It's not that I don't trust the guys.

It's just that honestly,

that van cost more than all of them put together.

I am the only person who will be driving the van.

I guarantee you that. Okay?

So this specialist, he has got a clinic in Zurich,

and, um, he is into this

whole alternative form of therapy.

And it's wicked expensive,

but he says that the proteins are great.

Um, he just wants to add some injectable steroids

and then a series of blood supplements.

And, um, it's 25 grand a month.

But he has got a patient in Sweden

who's getting the circulation feeling back in his legs.

Yeah, because he's sitting on an empty wallet.

Twenty five grand.

That's a lot of money.

I don't care what it costs.

[-- No, I know. I know.

I want Damian to walk again. Okay. Right.

Right.

Hey, you're reading this, huh?

What? Oh, yeah. I have.

I really love those self-help books.

I feel like no matter what they have to offer

with, like, either,

you know, weight or quit smoking or grief,

they do have something to offer that's worth it.

And I think that's why they sell so well.

Yeah. To chicks.

You've never read a self-help book?

[, uh, read How to Throw a Football

by Johnny Unitas when I was, like, 12.

And then again when I was, like, 35,

when Jimmy and I joined that flag football league.

Jimmy used to call it "fag football" league.

It was pretty faggy, which is why I threw,

like, 48 touchdown passes

when I was playing quarterback that year.

Listen, um,

I really appreciate what you've been doing,

for the both of us. It's... Don't mention it. Don't.

You don't have to say anything about that.

Jimmy's definitely looking down

and he sees what a good man and friend--

Best friend-- You don't have to say it.

You are being, unlike Mickey.

Douchebag. Mm-hm.

What did he say, exactly?

He said some very hurtful things.

He couldn't handle it.

No. You know what, just don't get me started.

What I want to say is that I really--

Those things I said about hating you, I--

No, no, no, no, listen.

Forget about that. I know.

You don't hate me. You don't blame me.

I blame myself.

No, you shouldn't. It was me.

I talked him into being a firefighter.

Did he want to do it? Yeah.

But I pushed him in that direction, you know, so...

Yes, but I should have, uh,

done more of the, like, reverse psychology thing

and kept telling him that I wanted him to be a firefighter.

Reverse psychology is ridiculous.

That was never gonna work, no.

He wanted to go back on the rig,

but I urged him. I shouldn't have done it, you know.

Yeah, and you shouldn't have shown him his father's badge.

Are you talking about the badge that you gave me

specifically to save and keep for him?

The one to keep the hell out of my house? Yes.

The house you suffocated him in.

[DAMIAN GROANING]

What is it, honey?

Are you okay?

What? Give him a drink.

Here, here. See if you can...

See if you can get it, Damian.

Come on.

Yeah, a little more. Whoa!

[CHUCKLES]

Wow!

Yeah!

Look at that.

Goddamn Mickey.

Rat bastard.

You wanna blame somebody... [CELL PHONE RINGS]

...he's the guy to point the finger at. Scumbag.

Hello.

COLLEEN [OVER PHONEI: I'm gonna start drinking again.

Coll, where are you?

Hey. You didn't start drinking yet, did you?

Not yet.

Good. Thank God. Look at this cart.

This would work for our family if we were midgets.

Yeah, or normal. What's the story?

I'm just picking out all my old favorites.

Oh, this is my favorite. Oh, my gosh.

It goes down so clean and smooth.

But I don't have to tell you that.

Heh.

Hello, you.

Oh, you and I were best friends once. Goodbye.

Don't kiss the bottle. Goddamn, what's up?

Here's the deal. You were supposed to be my sponsor,

which was a stupid idea to begin with and even more idiotic

now that I realize

that in trying to do 90 meetings in 90 days,

out of the 49 I've hit so far,

you've only been with me for 10 of them.

No. One-zero.

Okay, and every time I try to call you

to talk about booze or an urge to drink

or something about recovery that I need to know,

you not only don't pick up,

you don't call me back or text me.

Honey, I can't text. My fingers are too big.

I tried typing in "What's going on,"

and it sends out "Who's blowing Juan?"

I can't do it. Here's the thing.

I don't even wanna drink this stuff now.

That's good, honey.

I just wanted to see how fast you'd get here

if 1 lit a fire under your ass.

[SIGHS]

You know I have a lot of stuff going on.

I try to juggle everything at work and home.

Meaning Damian.

He's crippled. Soam I,

by a disease I inherited from you!

Shh! Keep it down.

My 50th meeting is tonight.

And I'd really like my sponsor to be there.

On time.

[SIGHS]

[DOOR BUZZER BUZZES]

Hey, sorry, man. I got so much--

Been here about 20 minutes.

[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER DISPATCHER]

Hi, Chief.

Hi, Tom.

Can you guys give Tom and me a minute or two here, please?

Sure, yeah, no problem.

I brought these for you.

Cam Neelys Greatest Hockey Hits...

and Friends of Eddie Coyle.

I should have gotten them back to you a long time ago.

I know how crazy you are

about, uh, your Robert Mitchum collection.

And?

FRANCO: That's it? He's leaving?

SHAWN: Had sawbuck on him kicking ass.

Go back into the kitchen. Hey!

You got something you wanna say to me, tough guy?

[GRUNTS]

[BOTH GRUNT]

Get in there!

You heard me! Get the hell back in there!

[SIGHS]

All right. We can stand here all morning

knocking the snot out of each other,

or you can shut your yap for two seconds

and listen to what I gotta say. [CHUCKLES]

Unless you're gonna say you're a gutless,

spineless, no balls pussy,

I don't wanna hear it.

I'd rather just keep doing this.

At least I get some satisfaction out of it.

All right. Is that what you wanna hear?

Yeah.

All right.

I'm a no-good, gutless, spineless pussy, okay,

who abandoned his girlfriend and a paralyzed kid

because I'm just a self-centered goddamn asshole!

Does that about cover it?

Yeah.

[SIGHS]

Did you guys hear that?

LOU: Yep! Actually, that last part

was a little garbled.

The trouble is, fellas, we only bet the physical confrontation,

so there's some money kind of hanging in the balance.

Come here.

I want you guys to hear this.

You wanna know why I left Sheila?

It's not because I'm a coward or I'm a pussy

or I suck like he's telling you.

It's because I couldn't take it anymore.

All right, she's wasting her life,

all her energy, her time, her money,

her hope,

on a string of quacks!

Endless.

I mean, pills, protein powders, injections, aqua acupuncture.

What is that? I don't know.

She's going for it hook, line, and sinker.

So I try to tell her. I was trying to tell her the truth.

What this guy should be telling her and everybody,

which is Damian ain't ever walking again.

He is as is. Done.

So she told me to take a hike.

I didn't come down here to tell you guys

that it took a lot of balls to tell her that. The truth.

But I'm here to say it took a little bit of balls.

And if any of yous had any,

you'd tell her the same thing.

Soon.

[SIGHS]

Be safe.

[DOOR BANGS]

Well, always good to see Mick.

[CROWD CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

It's a shitter. What are you talking about?

Patrick James Mahoney memorial pavilion

is a comfort station. In other words--

A crapper? How did this happen?

Hey. Didn't start yet, right?

Sorry. Couldn't get the ramp back in the van.

The van cost an arm and a leg

you'd think it would have an automatic ramp, uh...

What's wrong?

They've decided to honor Patrick Mahoney,

our fallen brother-- A hero.

With a shit pavilion.

I don't know. Looks pretty good to me.

Not in form, in function.

They got his name on a plaque.

Look behind that blue curtain.

It's a crapatorium, Tom.

A turd temple. A boo-boo barn.

A fudge hole.

You know, we need a guy in a suit now. Excuse me, sir?

Can I help you? We're F.D.N.Y.

We're trying to figure out why the city decided

to honor our brother with a restroom.

The guy gets cancer working at Ground Zero,

and you guys think that this is, uh...

That this is... Fits? That this is, uh...

Appropriate?

No. That ain't it, dude.

Are you members of the Mahoney family?

Not technically, no, but, Jesus--

The family was given a list of naming options.

This is the one they chose. They wanted a pavilion.

Were they made aware that pavilion means outhouse?

Your friend is being honored here,

whether you believe it or not. Just go with the flow.

Hey, problem is, the flow is full of feces, pal.

This is a slap in the goddamn face is what it is.

Pat was no different than the men

who died when the towers came down.

He's dead because he worked long hours

on that cancerous pile of shit.

You didn't have a urinal to offer?

Something smaller, more insignificant?

You wanna make a scene?

How about I bring Mr. Mahoney's mom here

SO you can ruin this day? Thanks for nothing.

Thanks, bud. Have a good day.

What a dick. What's going on? The ruckus?

Hey, where the hell you been?

I had a long walk. Had to take a leak.

Well, you didn't do it in there, did you?

What? What? No,

I whipped my dick in front of the crowd,

did a dance. What are you talking about?

Lou, you just took a leak in Pat's pavilion.

No, I took a leak at Pat's pavilion.

No, dude, in.

Pat Mahoney's pavilion is a public shitter.

You're kidding me. Jesus Christ.

I thought the pavilion was this whole kind of

area out here,

therefore, the shitter was pavilion-adjacent.

Oh, Christ. I gotta talk to the family.

The family doesn't need to know. No, I gotta talk to them.

In other words, you didn't... Oh, Jesus.

Lou dropped a deuce in Pat's memorial.

Come on, Lou! ALL: Aw!

Guys, I had a huge lunch, and it had to be tacos.

ALL: Aw!

I gotta get out of here. Why? Where you going?

I won't stand here, watch a good man be insulted.

Franc, I'm sorry, it was tacos. Wasn't me.

I'm not talking about you, Lou.

I just, I refuse to believe

that a man gives his life doing his job, doing it well.

This is the way he's remembered.

You know, it ain't right.

Pat deserves better.

You know what, you're right. He does.

How do you mean?

All right, I tell you what.

Here, take my keys.

You and Mikey go to my car.

In the back, in the trunk there's a toolbox.

Get it, bring it over here, pronto.

I like the sound of that. Yeah. It sounds great.

Pulling it off is not gonna be so easy.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Yeah.

Where are you? The meeting's in 15 minutes.

I'm at an F.D.N.Y thing in Central Park.

Know what, forget it.

Are you home? I'm at the church.

Mom is home waiting for you to pick her up for Katy's dancing.

Which is when? Be at the school

in an hour and a half.

Well, maybe I'll swing by the meeting

on way over to the-- Don't sweat it.

I've found another sponsor. Who?

Me, asshole!

You might have baptized her back into sobriety,

but I'll be in charge of her confirmation.

Get your no-good ass home and take my other favorite niece

to her dance bullshit! Now!

[CELL PHONE BEEPS]

Hey, I gotta take off. Here's the keys to the van.

I need you to watch it and Damian, okay?

I'll get your keys, and I'm gonna borrow your car.

All right. And after we're done here, I'll bring him home.

No, no. I gotta take him home. So I'll check in later

to find you, come pick him up.

What am I supposed to do with him?

I don't know. Take him dancing.

MAN: And so, it's with great pride

and with the great appreciation of the city of New York

for his many years of service

that we dedicate the Patrick James Mahoney pavilion.

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

MAN: What is that?

WOMAN: Oh.

[THUDS]

Hmm.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Yes. Now, this...

This is a goddamn pavilion.

Yeah? You gonna shit here too?

Yeah, this looks good, Lou.

It ain't gonna last. They'll take this down.

I'd like to see them try. I used my homemade ninja glue.

They wanna take it down, they'll have to knock the wall down.

You never heard that saying "You can't beat City Hall."

What's the point if nobody knows it's here?

Hey, we know it's here.

And Pat knows, wherever he is.

It's good enough for me.

Guys! I think security's coming!

All right, gentlemen, let's celebrate.

[GROANS]

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Yeah. SHEILA: Where's my son?

What? I come home

and my son is nowhere to be found.

How long was the thing in the park?

Just got out. Just got out.

So then, you're on your way home?

Uh, yeah, yeah, but, uh, there's a shitload of traffic

so it's gonna take a while.

Okay, well, listen, um...

There's this, um, like, seminar thing

where this expert is gonna talk about paralysis

and regenerative movement,

and I really, really want to go.

You go. You need to go to that.

Thank you. Ooh!

Let me say hi to Damian.

Well, the thing is, I'm driving, so it's not...

It's against the law to talk on a cell while driving.

I shouldn't be talking.

Yeah, I would like him to hear my voice.

All right, here we go, here he is.

Hey, sweetie!

Did you have fun with the guys in the park?

Did you miss your old ma?

God.

[IMITATING DAMIAN]

Happy now?

I think he answered me.

Did you hear that? He's never done that.

That must be the protein. I think it's working.

You think it's protein?

I wouldn't put too much on the protein.

Look, there's a cop up ahead. I gotta go. Okay?

Goddamn it.

A new personal goddamn low!

Hey, shithead, where are you?

Hey. Damian didn't wanna go dancing,

so we took him to the bar. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ!

Hey, just relax, will you?

We're not feeding him drinks.

We're feeding him beer nuts,

feeding him pretzels, but no drinks.

Don't put anything in his mouth!

Goddamn it!

All right, hold on a second. He's trying to...

He wants to tell you something.

Here. Just spit it out, Damian.

Uh-huh. Yeah, he says you're an asshole.

Yeah, you're a regular riot.

I'm gonna be there in 10 minutes, asshole.

You're looking good.

[CHUCKLES]

Ah, Dame. Ahem.

What do you think he's thinking?

Pfft! I don't know. Nothing?

Or maybe he's having a great time.

How would you know? I don't know.

I thought maybe one brain-damaged individual

might give us some insight into another.

[FRANCO & SHAWN LAUGH]

Another what?

Check, please!

MIKE: Guys, I'm sorry.

Like, I don't mean to sound mean or insensitive or anything,

but I think it's really weird

that we have him hanging around.

Look at him. He's fine. He likes it.

Um, is he okay?

Uh, well, actually, he's, uh, paralyzed,

and he's got a bit of brain damage too.

That's so sad. SEAN: Yeah.

Was he in a car accident?

No. He was a firefighter.

We're all firefighters. He was on our crew.

Happened on a call.

Do you guys still hang out with him?

SEAN: Yeah. Oh, that's sweet.

[MIKE CHUCKLES]

Yeah, well, you know, hey,

once a brother, always a brother, right?

I didn't mean to be rude.

I'm Franco, by the way. This is Sean.

SEAN: Hi. Hi.

Black Shawn here.

And, uh, this right here is Damey-Dame.

Damian, actually. And this one. Whatever.

Mike. Hey, Mike.

So, uh, you guys take care of him and everything?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I feed him.

Oh, that's so great.

I'm gonna go outside and wait for Tom.

And maybe puke. I have to stay

and see how low this depravity elevator's gonna go.

And I, uh, you know, I dress him.

And I wash him, and I bathe him, as it were.

Seriously? Oh, yeah, yeah.

I mean, most of him. I do his torso,

arms, legs, face. Try to avoid the groin.

That's gay. Leave that to Mike.

Ha, ha! He's kidding.

So you don't help take care of him?

Yeah, yeah, sure, I do.

What do you do?

Uh, I change his diaper, actually.

[CHUCKLES]

Ew!

Yeah, so, uh, ladies,

you think we might be able to interest you

in a couple of drinks over by the bar?

Yeah, yeah, I think we'd like that.

All right, I know we would.

It's just so nice to meet men that are so caring.

Thanks for that, Shawn. Thank you. Thanks.

Whoa. Got it.

Yeah, nice work. Thank you.

Why don't you go grab a couple of stools there.

Be right over. All right.

Nice to meet you. See you.

Right. Fantastic.

Oh, my God. How easy was that?

What was happening? I don't understand.

We just bagged three chicks in under 45 seconds.

That's gotta be a land pussy speed record or something.

You know what it is? It's him.

You're right, bro. He is, no doubt, the ultimate wingman.

He attracts chicks. Doesn't mess with your game.

Won't dominate the conversation, and he can't cock-block you.

Unbelievable. He's like a paralyzed pussy magnet.

I'm taking him on Saturday.

Okay, all right, well, I want him on Friday,

I want Saturday next weekend.

No, no, we'll switch off every other weekend.

Know what, that's perfect.

Guys, when do I get him?

Go wash your hands, diaper boy.

Thats bullshit. If you guys are gonna...

[ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

That's enough! That's enough! I cannot believe you!

I'm sitting there listening to you

actually using our paralyzed probie

for you guys picking up pussy.

You know, you're right. Sorry, chief.

Yeah, sorry. Terrible, man.

Shameless action.

But look at that pussy. I know.

We don't want it getting cold. Let's hurry.

Go, go, go, go, go.

Who are these guys? I know.

You gotta start hanging out with a better class of people, kid.

What happened to your friend?

Ah, he got hurt. He's a firefighter.

Are you a firefighter?

Nah.

I'm the chief.

What's your name? Abby.

Abby? Yeah.

NEEDLES: That's lovely. ABBY: Thanks.

Shameful.

Oh, God, come on!

[HORN HONKS]

[SIGHS]

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Hmm, hmm, hmm.

Yeah.

JANET [OVER PHONE]: You missed it.

I already talked to Colleen, all right?

You missed Colleen's meeting too? I didn't know that.

I was talking about Katy's dance recital.

Honey, something came up, okay?

Yeah, something involving Damian.

Pat Mahoney's pavilion dedication.

You know, things were running behind.

What do you want me to do?

Okay, look, Tommy, I don't wanna sound cold here,

but Pat Mahoney is dead and gone.

Okay, and for all intents and purposes, so is Damian.

But your daughter, on the other hand, she is here,

and she still needs her father.

And more amazingly, she still wants her father.

How long do you think that's gonna last

if you keep neglecting her?

How did she do?

She was...

Words don't do it justice.

You had to be there.

Yeah.

Anything else you wanna tell me?

What, about tonight?

In general.

Anything, uh, on your mind?

Yeah. If you wanna rescue the world,

start with your children.

[HORN HONKS]

[GRUNTS]

I'm gonna start upstairs.

You stay in here and finish the Pat Mahoney pavilion.

The what?

Who the hell is Pat Mahoney?

Some important dead mick. I gotta know everything?

Is this new? I been working City Hall six years,

I never seen it before. That's your problem.

You're not observant. How else you gonna have success in life?

That's why he has a pavilion and you don't.

Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a pavilion.

I gotta clean the goddamn thing.

You did this to me, Tommy.

[♪♪]