Original subtitles

ANNOUNCER: Previously on Rescue Me:

What's going on? What happened to the cookout?

Headquarters shut us down.

This ain't happening without some noise.

We could use some noise.

I think we're all scared. Aren't you?

Yeah, I'm scared. Me too.

I know I got the brains and the balls to do the job.

My old man, he'd be proud. I know that.

So mission accomplished.

Maybe I can make just as big a difference

doing something else. What else?

Something that doesn't involve me getting fried up in a fire?

Goddamn it, I don't want to die!

Nobody's gonna remember me.

Not the way they're gonna remember that ballerina tonight.

Who's that?

That's my cousin, the ex-priest.

PHIL: I mean the dame.

That's Sheila. I told you me and her had that thing?

And now she's sleeping with your cousin? That's cold.

There's a school burning down. There are no available units.

We're gonna respond to this call ourselves.

You got any tools? Grab whatever you can.

SHAWN: I got her. Got her.

WOMAN: Excuse me, those guys that just saved the kids.

Are they firemen? They used to be.

I have a photo of you and Connor

when you guys aren't even up to my waist.

Connor probably would have been a lot taller than me now, huh?

[♪♪]

[FRYING PAN SIZZLING]

Hey. Hey.

Got up a little early, and I thought maybe, you know--

Maybe I'll just make you some breakfast. And voila.

Yeah. You actually used the stove.

Well, that first hour was figuring out how to turn it on.

Then I realized I didn't need the bottom.

I just needed the top part.

Uh... Yeah. I got that.

There you go. Uh, yeah.

Um, extra crispy bacon and...

[GRUNTS]

There you go.

Alrighty. And coffee.

Tom, amazing.

So go ahead. Eat.

You know, I think I'm just gonna start with some coffee.

Go ahead. Okay.

It's, uh, good.

This is nice. You know?

Mm-hm.

Domestic.

Last night was nice.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah?

It was-- It was nice.

I don't know. I thought it was good.

Tommy, no, it was very nice.

You know, it just happened,

and I don't really wanna dwell on it at the moment.

I think we should dwell on it.

I think that it could

use a little more dwelling.

I think maybe we should

dwell on how we're...

How much we're gonna dwell on it in the future.

Okay. So, what does it mean to you?

To me?

It, you know, to me...

You go first.

Okay, let's cut to the chase. Okay?

So we had sex.

Okay, excuse me, we made love

for the first time in I can't remember how long.

And then I wake up this morning to this

beautifully made breakfast.

You know, and a goofy smile plastered on your face.

So I can only assume that it means that we are starting over.

All' happy, happy, sunshine and roses.

Okay.

It was not a goofy smile. It was just a regular smile.

Okay. Mm-hm. Okay?

And I'm not--

Nobody's saying "happy, happy" anything.

I'm just saying that last night, something happened.

It was a natural thing.

It just, it happened, like you said.

But I thought, you know, I don't know.

To me, it was a sign of maybe

the beginning of a recomm--

Commitment thing.

Can you say that again without stuttering?

I felt like it was something.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. You know, we can give this one more shot.

Okay.

Okay? But this is the last time.

Okay? Because we can't play these games anymore, Tommy.

You know? And the two of us,

we obviously have a high threshold for misery, but...

Okay, what we are doing to the kids, no more.

Okay? So, if this crashes and burns...

No, no.

If this is yet another one of your empty promises...

No, no, no. Okay. But ifitis,

then you need to know that it will be the cruelest,

most damaging, most hurtful last thing

that you ever do to me.

I understand. Okay.

And, I mean, if this is gonna work,

then there are no outside distractions.

None. Totally here.

No Sheila. Zero contact.

Okay? You can say goodbye to her one last time, but then...

That's it.

Yeah. Done deal.

Okay.

Good.

And, you know,

same thing goes for you and, uh, Franco.

Excuse me?

You and Franco, you know, same thing. Done deal.

No, uh-- No contact.

Tommy, Franco was nothing.

Heh, yeah, right.

Lips, Big, gorgeous girl lips.

You don't have to tell me about the lips.

And pretty eyes and long lashes.

I haven't spent that much time looking at his eyeballs, but...

Okay, Tommy, he was pretty. That's it.

Look. Um,

what you had with Sheila,

you know, the two of you turning to each other

in grief after Jimmy,

that was emotional betrayal for me.

I was your wife.

It just-- You turning to her was...

It was like a dagger to my heart.

Okay. I got it.

Done deal. Okay.

So you can see her one last time.

Got it.

But if I find out that you guys

have seen each other afterwards,

or if there's anything going on...

Nothing. Nothing.

Not happening.

Okay. Where's the--? Hm.

Uh, are you looking, um, for the cap?

Yes.

Oh. I thought that was a pepper.

[THE VON BONDIES' "C'MON, C'MON" PLAYING]

♪ On another day C'mon, cmon ♪

♪ With these ropes tied tight Can we do no wrong? ♪

♪ Now we grieve 'Cause now it's gone ♪

♪ Things were good When we were young ♪

♪ When my teeth bite down I can see the blood ♪

♪ Of a thousand men Who have come and gone ♪

♪ Now we grieve 'Cause now it's gone ♪

♪ Things were good When we were young ♪

♪ Is it safe to stay? ♪ ♪ C'mon, cmon ♪

♪ Was it right to leave? ♪ C'mon, c'mon ♪

♪ Will I ever learn? ♪ ♪ C'mon, cmon ♪

♪ C'mon, ¢'/mon C'mon, cmon ♪

Now, I've known this guy

so let me do the talking.

All right. How hard you gonna push?

Don't have to push. It's politics, stroking egos.

Sounds more like stroking cocks.

Any of that, you're gonna be the one doing it.

This is about me trading on a long relationship

and you standing in the corner keeping your pie hole shut.

Otherwise, we'll never get this house reopened.

What are you telling me? All the letters from the locals--

Wait. Where are the letters?

Shit. I had it on the desk.

You forgot the goddamn letters.

I could have sworn I took them.

Why don't you admit you're out to sink us?

No, you want the house to close.

That way you're not connected to the crew.

Then you can come here and slide behind a desk.

You shut your face.

Goddamn letters, they don't mean shit anyway.

They go from his desk over to the circular file.

You don't do any more talking,

not until we leave these premises. Done.

FEINBERG: Hey, Dickie.

Goddamn it. How are you?

I haven't seen your ugly mug in a million years.

Dickiebird and Sid the Yid together again.

That's right.

That's what we used to call him back in probie school.

He's a Jew, you know. Do tell.

And we used to call him Dickiebird because--

My name is Dick, but my first day on the job, my first call,

I kid you not, a bird shits on my head. Plop.

It's supposed to be good luck. Hey, I'm still here, huh?

Eighteen years up in the Bronx,

Twenty-nine years down here. Not bad.

Listen, Dickie. You know why we're here.

I'm gonna cut you off at the pass, Sid,

save us all some time.

It wasn't an easy decision.

We took a lot of factors into consideration.

What sort of factors?

Let me finish. There were three of us

making final recommendations. And I gotta tell you,

as much as nobody likes to see houses closing,

I think we did a goddamn good job in terms of

getting rid of some, you know, overlapping services

and some underperforming houses.

And I gotta be honest, one or two trouble houses.

I know we got a couple of bad apples,

I'm not gonna deny that.

But our response times are solid.

Calls are up 20 percent. Your guys up on the West Side,

they're gonna be beating their ass trying to--

It's done, Sid. Okay?

You want to sit and talk about the old days

for a couple of minutes, please.

But your house is closed,

and I'm not discussing it any further.

Okay.

Okay? Okay? That's all the fight you got?

I'd like to talk to Dick alone, okay?

No, I'll talk to him. Dick, I'm not your old pal,

which means I don't have to sit here and eat your shit

with a smile on my face. Hey!

Who is this guy?

NEEDLES: I'm one of the new guys.

The pseudo-chiefs you old-timers can't stand?

But I got a good crew under me.

And breaking us up isn't gonna do the department any good.

Plus I got a neighborhood that needs me.

I know city hall needs to see more white faces uptown

before they give a shit about providing--

Are you lecturing me, shithead? This is my office you're in.

You don't tell me what's good for the department.

You're new here.

I've been F.D.N.Y. almost 50 years.

I'll buy you a goddamn cake. FEINBERG: Watch your tongue.

But if the candles catch the place on fire,

you better hope there's a house nearby.

Get him out of here. I don't know if you heard,

but my boys had a bunch of saves at a school

for deaf kids the other day. Yeah.

They responded in their own vehicles

with no tools, no bunker gear,

and they got every kid out of there safely,

just as your trucks were rolling up.

Better late than never, huh?

Maybe you should have that painted on all your vehicles.

None of those men were authorized to report.

And none of those kids were authorized to burn to death.

Get him out of here. FEINBERG: Let's go.

I don't know if you heard. We also got some video.

Pay attention. We shot this ourselves.

There's not a lot of news crews uptown.

But it's all there. My guys responding,

my guys bringing the kids out safely,

your trucks arriving in what I would not call a timely fashion.

That's for you to watch and enjoy.

I got other copies for The Times, for the Post,

and for the Daily News.

And just in case what I'm hearing is true

about print media being dead,

this footage is getting posted on YouTube.

That's the newfangled interweb you've heard so much about.

When you go home, have one of your grandkids

type in "F.D.N.Y. turns deaf ear to disabled children."

See what comes up.

If you think you can come in here

and push me around, pal--

NEEDLES: No, no, no. I don't think I can.

I've seen this footage.

I know I can.

Feel that on your head, Dickie?

You just got shit on again.

Shalom.

We'll talk.

[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER PA]

I never thought I'd say this, kid.

What's that?

Goddamn, I love the Internet.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Okay, guys. Unh.

Rest easy.

I found the porn. It's still here.

The gay stuff is Tommy's.

Ha, ha. Don't need trucks or gear.

Damn sure can't do the job without the porn.

You've been gone for an hour looking for the porn.

At least. SEAN: I did. funny story.

Once I got looking, I had to make a pit stop

and give the old doodle dandy a yankee,

if you know what I mean. You know, I was jerking off.

Yeah, we got it. All right.

Everything in the refrigerator has turned

except the potato salad?

Well, kind of. It tastes a little like feet.

But you're still eating it. I said, "A little like feet."

You better get rid of this smut before the chief sees it.

Hey, chief!

Hey. How we doing?

Hey. Good. Good.

Everything present and accounted for?

Yes, sir. Boy, I'm telling you,

I never thought we'd be back here again.

TOMMY: No, neither did we, huh?

What the hell. Here we are.

All right, chief. No thanks to you.

[MEN GASP]

What did you say?

Nothing.

No, no, big man. Let's hear it.

Nice and loud so everybody can hear.

Okay. I said, "No thanks to you."

I thought that's what you said.

You little turd, how dare you talk to me like that?

Don't you ever talk to me--

TOMMY: Hey! Stay out of this.

Between me and the Kid.

I'm sorry, all right?

I don't give a shit what you are.

All my years of service, I gotta put up

with garbage like that, like you?

Stack my medals up, they stand taller than you, asshole.

What gives you the right to mouth off to me?

Hey, chief, we all heard what happened downtown.

Yeah.

Oh, so, uh,

our pal Needles comes in crowing this morning, huh?

It's all the hail the conquering hero

and all that bullshit, huh?

Screw the yid and kiss the guinea's ass. Right?

What did he say?

He said you forgot the letter and the petition.

That's right. I did.

My fault. But it wouldn't have done any good, anyway.

They probably wouldn't have hurt.

Oh, now you're the expert on how to handle HQ? Huh, Rivera?

Tell me, genius, what would you have done?

I'm actually much more interested

in what you did, all right? Or what you didn't do,

because honestly, it doesn't sound like you did much.

I didn't have the chance.

I wanted to work the guy.

Call in a few favors,

treat him with a little respect,

play it so that all of us could walk away

thinking we're winners. But no.

He wouldn't give me the chance.

Right away, it wants to turn it into a confrontation.

Blackmail, extortion.

I'm surprised he didn't piss on the guy's desk.

Whatever he did, it worked. Back in business.

Oh, isn't that wonderful?

We're back in business.

Meanwhile, because of what he did,

we have zero political clout downtown.

And you can thank your pal, Chief Nelson.

[ALARM BUZZING]

FEINBERG: Get on the goddamn truck.

Garrity, get rid of the porn cooler.

[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER PA]

[SIRENS WAILING AND HORNS HONKING]

Listen up, you guys.

We have intel from the partner buildings

that the landlord has sliced this place up

like a cheap salami. So heads up.

Goddamn motel no tell.

All right, Garrity, Franco.

Yeah. Rear fire escape.

Tommy, Shawn, hit the basement.

Damian, you come with me. We'll do a sweep from here up.

And let's stay together inside.

SHAWN: Fire Department. Hello!

TOMMY: What do we got?

SHAWN: Rise and shine, my brother.

What's going on?

Come on. We gotta move.

Why come?

"Why come." Nice grammar. Come on, let's make moves.

TOMMY: Come on. Up the stairs.

SHAWN: Come on. TOMMY: Let's go!

Hello! F.D.N.Y.! Bring out your dead!

What the hell does that mean?

Come on, Monty Python?

What are they teaching you kids nowadays?

How to cook crystal meth and have unprotected sex.

Oh, I'm going back to school.

[GROANS]

What's up? Listen, I'm good here.

Why don't you go help Tommy and Shawn?

You said stick together. Now I'm saying un-stick. Go.

[MAN COUGHS]

Oh, shit. We got one, Lou.

Hey. We got one, chief, second floor.

FEINBERG: Roger that.

We're gonna get you out of here.

My grandbaby. Where?

Inside. Please.

Get in there. Okay.

Ma'am, you gonna have to come with me, okay?

You're gonna have to carry me, boy. My leg's busted.

Yeah. All right, just give me a minute on that, okay?

[MEN SHOUTING IN DISTANCE]

Don't worry.

What? You're still here?

She's a little heavy. Look who's talking.

I got no baby in there.

She's in the dresser drawer!

Oh, yeah. Naturally.

You might want to lead with that info next time.

That's okay. Don't you worry about the baby.

He's the best that we have at finding babies.

[BABY CRYING NEARBY]

Hey, kid.

Oops. Let's get you out of here, okay?

Hey. Where's Damian?

He and Lou are bringing one out. Lou, what's your status?

LOU: Unh! I'm still single.

We're heading home.

I'm supposed to be leaning on youl!

You're leaning on me, you old fat ass.

I'm not fat, lady. It's the pants. Now, come on.

Let's keep moving.

DAMIAN: I got a baby!

Hey. All right.

I got a baby. Huh?

I got a baby! TOMMY: You said that.

Here, careful. It's a baby.

TOMMY: How about that, huh? She's not gonna let go.

There you go. How are you feeling?

I just saved a baby. Yeah.

DAMIAN: You see that? I saw it.

I just saved a fricking baby.

I don't even like babies, and I'm psyched.

WOMAN: You stepped on my toe!

LOU: You all right?

SHAWN: Got her, got her, got her.

Oh, thank you.

SEAN: You all right? Oh, yeah. Perfect.

You okay? Yeah.

Anything I can get you?

Yeah.

How about a roast beef sandwich?

Okay, we can make that happen.

We'll order two roast beef.

Sit over here. Come on.

MAN: You all right? Yeah.

Whoo!

Hey. Shh.

What? Lou's sleeping.

We can go talk somewhere else.

No, stay.

If it looks like I've stopped breathing or I'm dead,

just pound my chest really, really hard.

You got it.

Anyway, listen, ahem. I've been thinking about Pat.

Yeah, dude. Me too.

You know, I don't think it worked out so well.

Taking him to the ballet and those regrets he told us about.

I don't think we can do anything about those.

Oh, here's the thing. Remember Pat was talking about

wanting to be remembered and all that shit?

Was that before or after he tried to piss in the fountain?

Before, I think. Anyway, here's what we gotta do.

We gotta convince him that he will be remembered.

Who are the people that are gonna remember him the most?

Do I get a multiple choice?

No, dick.

His saves. People he saved in a fire.

Yes. Huh?

You're brilliant, dude.

I can be. I just don't try that hard.

I know that feeling.

I got on the phone with his last firehouse,

and I got a list of some of his saves.

Tonight we're gonna go out and we're gonna start

the Pat Mahoney appreciation tour.

That way he knows he'll always be remembered after he's gone.

You like? It's so nice, dude.

What's wrong? I'm choking up.

You know why that is? Why?

I can make this a multiple choice.

A, you're gay. B, you're super gay,

like meet George Michael in a back alley gay.

Or three, hm, your pants are on fire, filet mignon gay.

Or D, all of the above. It's your call. See you tonight.

LOU: It's D.

Big up to the probie. I gotta give you props, son.

A baby save's a big one. Thank you.

This morning, you barely had any hair,

and now you got a full-grown beard.

If I'm such a big hero, how come I gotta polish the rig?

Law of the land.

That's the rules of the roost.

One baby save don't change the fact

that you're still a pissant, lower than turtle shit probie.

No doubt. All right, listen.

I need some advice. I don't know who to turn to.

About pussy? Yeah. How'd you know?

If you're asking me for advice,

it damn sure ain't about quantum mechanics. Shoot.

All right. Well, I'm seeing Penny tonight, right?

And it's like our third date.

I'm worried that if I don't make a move soon,

then she's... Gonna think you're queer.

Exactly. Right.

So, what do I do?

What do I say to steer things into the sack?

Heh. It's easy. All right, now.

Ahem, listen carefully to my man

pretty Frank on this player shit.

You understand what this is.

This is Luke talking to Yoda in the swamp,

only it's not about the Force.

It's about the pussy. Ears wide open, son.

Okay.

All right, young Jedi, listen up. This is the play.

You start off telling her about the save. Okay?

And then you segue way into something like this.

So I had that baby in my hands, fire all around me.

I'm running for the door. And I thought to myself,

"If I were to die right now, today,

would I have any regrets whatsoever?"

And I could only think of one.

And that would be not taking our relationship to the next level.

Making it physical.

Making the connection between you and me

stronger, deeper, and more real.

I know I could go to my final resting place a happy man,

with no regrets. Mm.

Get misty around the eyes. That helps.

Next thing, you're getting your life saver serviced.

BOTH: Yoda!

[CHUCKLES]

Do I remember him?

You gotta be kidding.

Not a day goes by

I don't throw a prayer in your direction, brother.

You could've aimed a little better, I guess.

He's got cancer from working down at Ground Zero.

Jesus. That ain't right.

Yeah.

Can I tell you something?

A few days after 9/11,

they start talking about missing firemen in the paper.

Pretty soon, they had a list.

Every day, I'd go through that list.

I'd look for your name,

which I never forgot.

I remember the paper shaking in my hands.

I almost didn't wanna look,

hoping and praying I wouldn't find your name there.

When it wasn't,

I figured you were down there

digging for the names that were.

Now this.

It ain't fair.

No, it ain't.

A bowl of soup. Come on.

No, no, thanks.

I'll have a bowl of soup. Thanks.

You got cancer?

No. I did, though.

I'm better now.

I'll give you a cup.

So, like, all right. I'm in this burning room, right?

And I'm holding this poor, defenseless little baby,

and there's fire all around me.

There's no exit in sight.

And I'm thinking to myself,

"If I die right now, will I have any regrets?"

And I realized I had only one.

If I left this planet

without us taking our relationship to the next level,

like, that would be--

Hold up. Are you trying to say that you want to bang me?

Yeah, pretty much.

Goddamn. There's always gotta be some big speech.

Okay. Um, why don't you tell me the rest of whatever it was

that you rehearsed on the way back to my place?

Okay.

Chop, chop, Keefe.

All right. Let's do this.

Jared Williams? What'd you want to see him about?

We're firefighters, and our buddy here saved Mr. Williams

back in February 2004.

Phew.

Should have let his ghetto-ass burn.

Nice. Well, is he here? Do you know if he's around?

He's not. SEAN: Okay.

He's in prison serving four life sentences

back to back to back to back.

Crackhead asshole.

Killed his lady and three kids right here in this house.

Should have let his ass burn up.

That lady and her three kids still be alive today.

I told you we should have

checked out these folks beforehand.

Minor bump in the road. This next one, it's gonna be great.

[PANTING]

That was...fast.

Really?

I think it may have taken me longer to say, "that was fast."

Phew, yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

Like, I was just really focused

on what was taking place, you know, in the moment.

Felt like at least, like--

Twelve seconds.

Is that good or bad?

Jesus! Please don't tell me you're a virgin.

Or tell me, because that would explain you being so clueless.

No, I'm not a virgin. All right?

Thank God.

Yeah, um...

There was this girl. Uh, a woman, actually,

back in high school.

One of my teachers, Mrs. Turbody.

Wait. So you were molested?

Repeatedly.

And I enjoyed it.

Okay. Uh, but was there actual intercourse?

Uh, no. No.

But it was definitely headed in that direction,

and then I told my Uncle Tommy about it,

and all hell broke loose.

So just now was the first time?

That you've ever actually...

Yeah.

So you're a virgin.

Well, I was a minute and 12 seconds ago, yeah.

I find them. I don't know how.

Okay, Keefe?

I really like you. I do.

So we're gonna pretend that

that first time never happened.

Okay. Okay?

So the next time

we are gonna take it slowly.

And you're gonna kiss me.

And then you're gonna run your fingers

gently across my inner thigh.

And they you're gonna go down on me. Got it?

Yeah. Got it.

Where are you going?

What? I thought that we were gonna--

This isn't homework.

You're gonna try this right now.

Oh. Uh-huh.

Very cool. And, um,

I think it's gonna take a little longer.

Good. because we're aiming for anything more than 12 seconds.

So, what?

He wants a medal from me? Huh?

Uh...

He saved your life

when your neighbor's Christmas tree caught on fire--

You don't think I remember?

Unlike you, asshole, I was there.

Okay. Mr. Weiss, there's no need to get testy.

We should've checked these people out beforehand.

Um... This guy shows up.

I tell him, "My wife's in the next room. Get my wife."

But he don't listen. No.

"Someone else will get her. She'll be fine," he says.

But she wasn't fine, was she? She was dead!

Fifty two years married at that time, my Sophie...

Dead. Because of your friend.

So, I don't say, "thank you,"

I say, "spit on you!" You hear me?

I'm gonna spit on you!

[COUGHING]

Okay. Well, this has been great.

Norman, thank you so much.

Uh, boys, I think we should go.

[PANTING]

Well?

Sixteen seconds.

What? No. That was way longer than 16 seconds.

No. I counted from penetration on.

Total 16 seconds.

Yeah, well,

better than 12.

Thirty percent better, actually.

You know, at this rate, if we keep going like this--

Yeah. You'll last a whole minute by Christmas.

Yeah.

That's gonna be sweet.

So that's it?

Yeah.

Okay.

You can go now.

Let's go. Up and at them.

What? What?

I was just making sure you were--

You know, that you were all right.

Heh, yeah.

I'm great. Okay.

[SHEILA CHUCKLES]

This isn't over because you crawled over here

with your tail tucked between your legs.

It is over because I decided it was over ages ago,

when I realized that I needed something more

than the occasional crazy-ass,

booze-infested bonking

when I rummaged through the rubble

of this bullshit relationship,

which is really just

a giant goddamn series of one-night stands

and I picked out the one,

maybe two, golden nuggets that remained.

I succumbed to the fact that

all you ever did was disappoint me.

Really?

Really.

Okay. How's that?

You want the list?

Pfft, there's a list?

Yeah. I got a list a mile goddamn long.

Oh, really? You want to hear that list?

No. I do not wanna hear the list, okay?

As a matter of fact, I, okay,

have no interest in the list.

And I'll tell you why. Because I am approaching this...

I'm bigger than this.

I am bigger than this. [LAUGHS]

What's on the list?

You used me.

Oh, please.

You did.

You used me to ease your own guilt.

Your guilt about Jimmy, your guilt about the fact

that your wife didn't seem to give

enough of a shit about you.

You promised me that we had something,

that whatever it was we were doing

was gonna lead somewhere.

You used my kid to live out

fantasies about your own kid after he died.

You made him into a fireman, then you made him into a hero,

then you promised me that you were gonna do something

to change his mind, and then, poof.

Nothing! Nada. Zippo. Zilch.

You never took me anywhere. You never bought me anything.

You never even wondered out loud what it is

that I might want,

because it was all about you, you, you,

you, big nose.

And let's see. There was one more thing.

Oh, yeah.

The sex sucked.

The sex didn't suck.

Yeah, it did. No, it didn't.

Yeah. Sweetheart, it totally sucked,

because you would come over here drunk--

You told me I could come over and drink.

In a rage, and it would just be like we'd be slapping

and screaming at each other.

It would be this vicious, wonderful, furious action.

Big whoop, Tommy.

You couldn't do the same thing sober.

Because it's not just about the action.

It is about emotion and connection,

and I don't even think

that you ever looked me in the eyes once when we did it.

I mean, if it was like really great sex,

I wouldn't have a list now, would I?

You're telling me that you have no feelings for me?

Oh, no, I do.

I've got feelings of pity for you.

Oh, bullshit.

I'm with Mickey now.

Yeah.

And he is this close

to getting Damian to change his mind about his life path.

And, no offense,

but my God, he is a fabulous kisser.

Mm.

Let me just...

You're telling me that, ahem,

if I was to kiss you right now, you wouldn't feel anything?

I'm sober, you're sober.

That ship doesn't even have a sail.

Mm-hm.

TOMMY: Mm.

Mm.

Bacon.

See you later.

Okay.

[BOTH GRUNT]

SHEILA: Mm. TOMMY: Mm-hm.

Mm-hm.

Oh. You're disgusting!

Knock it off.

[GRUNTING]

[SHEILA MOANS]

You lied, didn't you?

Yes, I did. Yeah. You did.

[GIGGLING]

[LAUGHING]

[SHEILA MOANING]

All right.

This is the end of it.

Okay. It has to be.

Okay.

MICKEY: You gotta be shitting me.

What? Oh. No, no, no. Oh! Mickey, no.

Oh, Mickey, no, no, no, no!

No, Mick, wait. Wait. Wait. I'm trying to--

[SHEILA YELLS]

Ow, my ass!

Get off of me. My hand.

SHEILA: What's happening?

I'm stuck in-- Oh, my--

There it is. Wait.

Mickey? Mickey? Mickey?

Hey, you're in your underwear.

Where's my dress? Where's my dress?

It's on, but it's all... [GROANS]

TOMMY: Shit.

[GRUNTS]

Goddamn it.

Who are you calling?

Domino's Pizza. Who do you think I'm calling? Him.

If he calls Janet or shows up at my house, I'm dead.

Why don't you think about me for once, huh?

Why can't you think with your brain instead of your cock?

Because apparently, my brain is in my cock.

Yeah.

Who are you calling?

My vaginey, to tell her to stay away from you.

That's so funny.

I hope you didn't hear that, but it's totally okay--

Hey, Mick, you did not see what you thought you saw.

Hey, you're ruining my message!

Your message is making it worse.

Don't call Janet. Don't go to my house.

We were trying to prove that we weren't attracted to each other.

Right. Right. Which we are. Yes. Not. Not.

Which we are not! I know it looked weird.

Oh, Mickey, please come back here...

I'm telling you that it was--

It's not what you thought you saw.

So please call us. Don't-- Just call us.

Please forgive me, puddy.

Puddy? Heh-heh.

"I tot I taw a puddy-tat."

That's cute.

You couldn't let me go, could you?

I was halfway out the goddamn door--

Shut up.

And you had to push my goddamn buttons.

Go to hell! Guess what, sweetheart.

I'm already there.

[SPEAKS GIBBERISH]

Which one?

Figure it out.

Aha!

Don't you slam that door! Don't you slam that door!

[DOOR SLAMS]

[GROANS]

All right, Patty, a couple more stops,

if you can risk it.

Might want to pick up a bulletproof vest first.

Yeah. We're sorry, dude.

It was supposed to be a good thing.

Oh, hey, guys, guys, don't worry.

This job...

This job is a good thing. Okay?

It don't matter if they don't get it.

Shit, best days of my life were spent

running into burning shitholes,

uptown, downtown, Bronx, Brooklyn.

Most times, anyplace you are,

it's people who are in some kind of dire straits

you gotta go in and get, you know?

The poor, the messed-up drunks, people down on their luck.

You don't get to pick who you save, right?

[SIGHS]

[CHUCKLES]

Comes with the territory.

I mean, if saves had to fill out

goddamn personality tests

before we ran in to grab them,

we'd probably let most of them fry.

Well, we're sorry. You know?

Dude, I still think it was a good idea, though, you know?

If I were, like, dying,

I would totally want you to do this for me.

That's a little morbid,

but at least I'd check everybody out.

Yeah, you gotta, dude.

Pat, We should stop for a brew or something

before we head back to the hospital, huh?

Patty?

Pat?

Hey, Pat?

Pat?

Hello? Hey.

COLLEEN: Hey, Daddy. Hi.

How was your day? Good.

Good. What's going on?

Uh, nothing. Just making dinner.

Where's your mother? Hi.

Hi.

Hey. Hi.

Mm. How was your day?

Good. Yeah?

Yeah, how's everything here?

Good.

Good. What's happening?

Just cooking dinner.

Cool.

So, uh, everything's, uh... Looks good.

Thank you. Sit, sit, sit.

We made you this dinner.

Okay. I am ready for...

Good. Dinner.

So, uh, anybody, um, call?

Uh, nope.

Nobody called?

Cool. Where's, uh, Katy?

She's in her bedroom doing homework.

Would you please go get her for dinner?

Yep.

Katy, dinner!

I could have done that. TOMMY: Alrighty.

Ah, this looks great.

Hey, coz.

Hey.

[CHUCKLES]

What's up?

COLLEEN: Come on, Uncle Mickey. Sit down.

[♪♪]