Original subtitles

My name is Diane Welch,

congresswoman for the District of Glendale.

I don't think America can afford

any more corporate influence in Washington.

War never changes.

I know what you're planning to do, Barb.

For Janey. Wouldn't you?

There are worse people out there than me, Coop.

We definitely gotta sell it.

We'll give it to a good person.

Stop them!

Press the button, it's the only way.

It's just you and me now, Bets.

The water crisis in 33 is getting worse.

There's a Keepsake Box

that Hank brought with him to Vault 31.

It's locked, but if you bring me that box,

I'll consider giving you access to our water.

Forced Evolutionary Virus.

- Is that... - Fuck.

Hey.

Have you seen Woody?

No, huh?

Hey, what about Woody?

They're coming! They're coming!

No!

- Lord tunderin' Jaysus. - Mom.

Halt. Back to the internment camp, hosers.

Turn around and start walking, or I will shoot.

What the f--

No.

- It's okay. - No.

It's okay, baby.

Now you just go south.

You cross that border and you keep going south.

You get somewhere warm.

I know I raised you Catholic,

but you forget all that, okay?

You forget everything those people ever said.

You're coming with me.

It's too late for me, my love.

There's a flood coming.

Now, you keep your head above that water any way you can.

And you get south of that border and you cling to the highest branch

you can find, and you survive.

If you have to hurt people, God won't judge you.

Hey, beautiful.

Passport?

Don't think of them as human beings.

Think of them as Americans.

♪ When you're ♪

♪ smiling ♪

♪ When you're smiling ♪

♪ the whole world smiles ♪

♪ with you ♪

♪ When you're laughing ♪

♪ When you're laughing ♪

♪ the sun comes ♪

♪ shining through ♪

♪ But when you're crying... ♪

Well, I guess this is one way to save the world.

But it's wrong.

Perfect is the enemy of good, Lucy.

♪ happy again ♪

♪ Keep on smiling ♪

What does it do to their brains?

Tidies things up a bit.

Cleans the memory of the horrors they've experienced.

This dial controls how much amnesia they have,

and the mainframe implants new ideas in their heads.

Turning these Wastelanders into well-meaning, good people.

I'm shutting this whole thing down, and I'm bringing you home.

How do I do that?

Once the procedure's been finished, it's irreversible.

Fine.

Then, how do I stop you from making more?

Well, we have to destroy the mainframe which programs the Boxes,

- and that's in the basement. - How do I get there?

It's a bit of a hike.

Let's take the golf cart.

What's a golf cart?

Oh.

Lucy?

This is gonna be fun!

Straighten it out.

There you go.

Alright, back. Good.

You're doing great. You're doing great.

Keep the speed up.

Alright, this is a toughie, Lucy.

You don't use both feet.

- What? There's two pedals. - I know.

But you just use one foot for both pedals.

That doesn't make any sense.

You'll get it.

You're doing great.

Really wish we'd had a normal life, Sugarbomb.

We did have one, Dad. You wrecked it.

The mainframe is in there.

Okay, I need water and I need potassium.

To make an explosive?

What if you don't have potassium?

I can make do with, um...

- Come on, you got this. - With, uh...

Oh, mind the floor.

I just mopped.

Thank you.

You know, the Legion is still out there.

I know.

They're gonna hurt a lot of people.

Yes.

And with what you've created, you could stop them.

We could stop them, Lucy.

Hey.

Just a couple of ghouls. Am I right?

Just talking ghoul stuff.

So, you fought that guy?

Yeah, but I was wearing Power Armor.

Well, you know, that Armor's really hard to operate.

When I was in that shit, I tried to pick up a cup in the cafeteria,

it was crazy.

You sure we should be following him?

He said he would take us to Lucy.

Hey, where are we going?

Lucky 38.

Uh, we're-we're goin' the wrong direction.

Vegas is that way.

You wanna save the girl, you're gonna have to get into an impenetrable Vault,

the same Vault my family is in.

To get there, you're gonna have to cross the Strip.

You wanna cross the Strip, you gon' have to kill a pack of Deathclaws.

We need to kit up.

So, Lucy's in Las Vegas.

I can see why you two got along so well.

Yeah, why's that?

'Cause you ask a lot of goddamn questions.

I got a question for you.

How do you have that?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay.

Maybe before things escalate here, we can maybe all agree

that he's got a gun?

Open your hand.

Just let him see it.

This is for Lucy.

She's a good person. She'll do the right thing with it.

Thanks for helping my friend get back to his hotel room.

Oh, not to worry, sir.

Bet you've seen a lot in this town.

- Hey. - Yeah?

I've seen your face on those billboards for the Vaults.

Yeah.

Do you have any idea how a gal on minimum wage

can get into one?

I'm sorry, sweetheart, but the Vaults

aren't all they're cracked up to be.

Maybe the best thing that we could hope for

is that enough people do the right thing

so that the Vaults aren't necessary.

Hm. That's a nice sentiment.

But I think I have a better chance of getting in a Vault.

Do you know how I could get a job at Vault-Tec?

Ask him.

- Hi. - Hi.

Thank you very much for meeting me.

Thank you for bailing me out of jail.

I know you're a good person.

And I know that you're trying to do the right thing.

I wanna believe in people like you,

that fight for all the right things, but you don't make it easy.

I saw you at that VA meeting last week.

Why can't good people like you just learn to sell it better?

I don't know.

How's that worked in your experience?

How much do you actually know about the company

that put you on all those billboards?

More than I did when I signed that contract.

So, you know why your wife is in Las Vegas?

They're delivering the most powerful technology in the world

to the most powerful man in the world.

Robert House wants the diode so he can live forever,

and Vault-Tec gets the bombs in exchange.

And when they do that...

They'll be the only ones left.

And that's what they want.

What if my wife's deal fell through?

What would you do with infinite energy?

Give it away to the public.

I know how it's being transported.

If I could deliver it to you, I'll need assurances.

No offense, but I--

No, I get it. I wouldn't give it to me, either.

But if it helps, two hours ago,

an unmarked government plane landed at McCarran Airport.

The President of the United States is in Las Vegas.

How would you feel about giving it directly to him?

You can get me a meeting with the President?

Yes.

That would work.

Give him the diode and we can put an end

to 25 years of Resource Wars tonight.

Holy crow.

Huh.

Wow.

Ooh.

Hello, darlin'.

I'm sure you probably know this,

but I'm actually kinda new to all this ghoul stuff.

Yeah. Still got my nose.

That's the worst thing, really, just waitin' for it to fall off.

Just hurry it up already. You know?

And then there's this.

This is normal, right?

Okay.

I'm gonna dial this in, you know, just gotta...

Hey, anybody see a scope, uh, let me know.

You know, I'm not-- I could really use a scope.

I don't understand.

Why are you helping us with all this?

Well, ain't nothin' in this world for free.

This is a transaction.

You wanna get your girlfriend,

you gonna need some weapons to take down some Deathclaws.

Now, you want what's in this room,

you got to give me what's in your pocket.

I told you.

It's for Lucy.

So, you wanna give that thing to a good person

so they can save the world.

I understand.

But in order to save that good person...

you're gonna have to give it to a really bad person.

In all my years, I've only ever seen one man

come out on top in Vegas.

We got to do it like he did.

And what's that exactly?

He rigged the game.

You always end up back where you started, huh?

Now, you understand.

He's not one of us.

He's been lying to us this entire time.

So, what do we do with him?

He's dangerous. Untrustworthy.

Right, right.

And if we let him go, he could come back and try and kill us.

- Yeah. - Right?

Wait, I'm actually pretty sure that the Vault-Tec Handbook

says that impersonating management is punishable by death.

Oh, well, if you're pretty sure

the Vault-Tec Handbook says that, I mean...

And if, you know, if that's protocol.

- Yeah. Yeah. - Right?

He's awake.

Oh, rats.

What do we do?

Knock him out again.

What's gonna happen to my Vault?

- No, no... - This can't be good for your brain.

No, no. No!

♪ I'm forever blowing bubbles ♪

♪ Pretty bubbles in the air ♪

♪ They fly so high ♪

So, I saw we're getting married tomorrow.

I'm so excited!

I'm just curious.

- Why? - Chet!

I'm working.

Have you seen Woody lately?

Seems like so many people missed my big public announcement.

Woody's been sent on a leadership exchange program in Vault 31.

Reminder,

water rationing remains in effect until further notice.

Showers are outlawed.

And so is flushing the toilet.

Henry.

You and your secrets.

Congratulations.

On your engagement.

Do you have people spying on me, Betty?

Of course, I do.

You're so much like how I remember you.

We were scared of you.

But I sometimes forget how much I learned

in the time you were still under.

I learned my fair share before I went under.

You gave your word...

to divert 50% of your water production

to Vault 33.

Or so help me--

You'll get your water.

Whatever you're up to, I want no part of it.

I just want these people to live in peace.

The deal was for the water, Betty.

I can't speak for the future.

That's bigger than us.

Why are they lookin' at us like that?

Never underestimate the power of brand recognition.

Long live the New California Republic!

Welcome back!

Kill the Deathclaws!

Get us back our town!

So, Lucy's on the other side of that gate?

Yep.

Now, once we cross over there, we're gonna have to move fast.

It's only about 50 yards to those steps,

but those things are quick.

- Understood. - Sniper, get up on that roof.

Oh.

- Uh... - Whoa.

Uh, y-yeah, I-I would.

I just seem to be having sort of a medical episode here.

This sort of thing happens to folks like us

all the time, right? Uh...

Hey, maybe you should hang back this time, Thaddeus.

- You sure? - Your arm fell off.

You know, if you just give me a few minutes here,

I bet I can sort it out.

If I can get the finger on the trigger, then I can get this situated.

Okey-dokey.

♪ You're the end of the rainbow ♪

Mm.

♪ My pot of gold ♪

Mashed potatoes. Just like home.

Always your favorite.

Norm, not so much.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Will there be anything else?

Oh, I think we're fine. Thank you.

Can I ask you a question?

Yes?

Do you remember me?

Yes. This morning.

No, from the hill where we first met.

- You lived there for 25 years. - Lucy?

Do you remember

the New California Republic?

We're fine here, thank you.

Thank you.

The New California Republic

is just like the Legion.

They all have their problems, Lucy.

High taxes.

Expansionist tendencies.

Unpopular foreign policy. Trust me,

you'll understand when you're older.

Ah! Ah...

Bless it.

Let me help you.

Careful, it's hot.

- Here. - Ah.

I think I do understand.

One side is murdering people, enslaving them, crucifying them,

and the other side is just vaguely problematic.

Lucy, no.

You know, I have to admit, you always were a good father.

Thanks to you, I'm not a fudging idiot.

- Lucy! - I'm shutting down the mainframe.

Lucy, do not! Lucy!

Oh, Claudia.

We have to get out of here.

I have to do something first.

Hello?

This is Norm MacLean from Vault 33.

Lucy, if-if you're out there,

I'm on the surface. I need your help.

Dad, if you can hear me...

what's gonna happen to our Vault?

Why didn't you tell me?

Why didn't you tell us the truth?

And do you, Overseer Stephanie Harper, take Vault Dweller Chet

to be your lawfully wedded husband?

I do.

And do you, Vault Dweller Chet, take Overseer Steph to be your wife?

♪ Heart and soul ♪

♪ Forever and ever ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo ♪

Just say, "I do."

- I don't. - I now pronounce you--

I don't.

Chet...

don't do this.

I... I don't know, I, um...

M-Maybe we should just keep going.

Mm.

It just seemed like the only time

that I was gonna have a lot of, uh...

you know, witnesses around...

to say...

I think that Steph is part of some kind of plan to hurt us.

I don't know what exactly, but I don't think that Woody

is in Vault 31.

- Chet. - I think that Steph hurt him.

I found his glasses in our garbage disposal.

That is a serious accusation.

- Where are these glasses? - I...

put them back.

In the disposal.

Cold feet's normal.

Let's continue with the ceremony.

No!

Steph was not born in Vault 31.

- Chet. - She's 200 years old.

And she's not even from America.

She's Canadian!

Canadian? Why?

Who are you, Steph?

Steph?

Open up!

What's the strategy?

I want you to get between me and anything that looks like that.

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, come--

Here we go.

Oh... no.

Here we go.

The only way to save our family is to save the world.

That simple.

That simple.

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah-ayy ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah-ayy ♪

Mr. President.

Thank you for doing the right thing, son.

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah-ayy ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah, ah-ayy ♪

Oh, dinah.

Well, hello, old chum.

♪ They did the Wang Dang ♪

♪ Taffy-Apple Tango ♪

♪ They did the Wang Dang Taffy-Apple Tango ♪

♪ Mambo Cha Cha Cha ♪

-♪ How's it go? ♪ - ♪ I don't know ♪

♪ Last night at Papa Joe's my buddy met a lovely dove ♪

♪ She was the kind you never find but keep on dreamin' of ♪

♪ She did a dance we never saw before but sure did love ♪

♪ It was the Wang Dang Taffy-Apple Tango ♪

♪ Mambo Cha Cha Cha ♪

-♪ Heel and toe? ♪ - ♪ I don't know ♪

♪ Ooh la la la la la la la ♪

♪ Ooh la la la la la la ♪

♪ The crowd was tappin' and a-clappin' as the music played ♪

♪ His heart was right in time with every little move she made ♪

♪ Though he was shy she took his hand and said, "Don't be afraid" ♪

♪ Let's do the Wang Dang Taffy-Apple Tango

♪ Mambo Cha Cha Cha ♪

-♪ Fast or slow? ♪ - ♪ I don't know ♪

♪ To do the Wang Dang Taffy-Apple Tango ♪

♪ Tang Wang Mambo Cha Cha Cha ♪

♪ Wang Dang Taffy-Apple Tango ♪