Original subtitles

Pipiru piru piru pipiru pii.

Pipiru piru piru pipiru pii.

nande mo dekichau BATTO ESUKARIBORUGU!

A bat that can do anything, Excalibolg!

Pipiru piru piru pipiru pii.

Pipiru piru piru pipiru pii.

mahou no gion de jinsei yarinaoshite ageru

With the magical imitation sounds, I'll let you relive your life.

iya yo dame yo konna no BAKABAKA

I don't want to. You can't do such a thing, stupid, stupid!

sonna ni GIRAGIRA shinaide

Don't glare so much.

onegai dakara eii!

Please... yay!

bokusatsu tenshi

Bludgeoning Angel.

chi shibuki DOKUDOKU DOKURO-chan

Blood-spray pouring, pouring Dokuro-chan.

bokusatsu tenshi

Bludgeoning Angel.

shinzou DOKUDOKU DOKURO-chan

Heart pounding, pounding Dokuro-chan.

funde shibatte tataite

Step on! Tie up! Beat!

kette jirashite tsurushite

Kick! Tease! Hang!

demo sore tte BOKU no "ai" na no

But that is my "love."

bokusatsu tenshi

Bludgeoning Angel.

BATTO de DOSUDOSU DOKURO-chan

With a bat, bam-bam Dokuro-chan.

bokusatsu tenshi

Bludgeoning Angel.

chi midoro dorodoro DOKURO-chan

Blood-stained muddled, muddled Dokuro-chan.

kitte nagutte nabutte

Slice! Punch! Torment!

sashite sarashite tarashite

Pierce! Expose! Dribble!

demo sore tte BOKU no "ai" na no

But that is my "love."

Pipiru piru piru pipiru pii.

Cupid of Love!

Episode 3

Dokuro-chan!

Cupid of Love! Dokuro-chan!

Finally found her.

So you were here.

Sakura-kun!

Come on, let's go home.

Right!

You should try to drink without putting your mouth on the faucet.

Or else...

You'll think about...

I won't think anything!

I wanted to say it's not good hygiene...

...to put your mouth on the faucet!

Does that mean you want to drink the water out of this faucet too?

Totally wrong.

Okay, Dokuro-chan, when you drink water, you normally do it like this.

Your mouth goes where it's coming out...

Huh?

Dokuro-chan, you just tried to chop my head off with that.

You're wrong!

I just wanted to surprise you by tapping your head lightly as you drank!

No way was it light!

The wind made a sound! Look at my cheek!

You look like Bruce Lee. How cool!

Man, my clothes are soaked. What are we going to do?

What, Sakura-kun?

You can't look!

It's draining!

Sakura-kun's brain is all going down the drain!

Pipiru piru piru pipiru pii!

I'm going to go change.

I finally found you.

Shizuki-chan.

Sakura-kun, I want to discuss something with you.

What does she need to discuss? What does she need to discuss?

Maybe, maybe, maybe...

Excuse me...

Yeah?

You know Miyamoto-kun, right?

What?

Miyamoto?

Do you think Miyamoto-kun likes someone?

No, I don't think he does.

But there was talk that he's good friends with the 3rd-year manager.

So I asked him, and he said...

...that he doesn't know what to do because she's been so pushy.

Wait, why'd you ask about Miyamoto?

The truth is...

...love has blossomed.

There's a girl who likes him.

Huh, Sakura-kun?

Sakura-kun, what's wrong?

Hey, Sakura-kun.

The field's over there!

I loved this Earth!

Wait, are you misunderstanding this?

I said, "There's this girl that likes Miyamoto-kun."

Huh?

It's Chieri Ono from 2nd-year class C...

...and the same library committee I'm in who consulted me.

So could you help me put the two of them together?

Hey, Chieri-chan.

Y-Yes?

I don't understand this formula, so could you teach me?

Y-Yes...

Hey, I don't understand that either!

Well, for this one, first you take the brackets off...

...then you have to put the same types together.

This bracket and this bracket are the same type, so...

One morning...

...when Gregor Samsa woke up, he realized his verminous bug...

...had become monstrous and hard in his sleep.

It's okay, Gregor. It's not a disease.

D-Dokuro-chan, why are you here?

Sakura-kun, this is a library.

That's why I'm surprised!

The story almost became different!

What are you doing here?

Reading!

You're not a character like that!

Why are you breathing so hard?

If you don't calm down, they'll get the wrong idea again.

"Again"?

Hey, other than that, Sakura-kun...

How do you read this?

Um, that's "corpus cavernosum penis"...

Then the erectile tissue absorbed more blood and turned hard...

...like metal before one's eyes.

Dokuro-chan, quiet. This is a library.

Sorry, it's nothing. Nothing, really.

Dokuro-chan, you can't bring a weird book to the library.

It's a library book.

Not the forbidden...

Boys and Girls! The Secrets of the Body!

And I thought you were reading so diligently.

He praised me.

No, I didn't!

It's way too early to be reading this!

But I want to have the proper knowledge for you too...

It's fine! I've already finished reading it!

Hey, Sakura, you don't have to say it so harshly.

She's your classmate.

Sakura-kun, then why doesn't she study with us too?

Yeah, let's all study together!

I'm going to the bathroom. Sorry.

Okay.

Oh yeah, me too.

You too, Sakura?

I'm going to go look for some studying material.

I'm going to come right back, so come with me, Dokuro-chan...

Hey, how do you read this?

P-Prostate gland...

No! Anything but that!

Come on, Dokuro-chan!

What do you want to discuss in a place like this?

Dokuro-chan, can't you read the atmosphere a little more?

I'm sorry!

Wait, what?

I read the atmosphere.

Not here. The atmosphere over there.

The girl with glasses is Chieri Ono, and the guy is Miyamoto.

Okay, okay.

As a matter of fact, Ono-san likes Miyamoto.

So Shizuki-chan and I are trying to bring them closer together.

Dokuro-chan?

Could it be you're embarrassed?

Does Ono-san love Miyamoto-kun?

Yeah...

I'm sorry, Sakura-kun! I...

If you didn't realize, it's not your fault.

But from now on...

I'm an angel!

Meaning I'm a cupid!

What?

I'll try hard.

Try hard at what?

Don't stop me.

Angel are... Cupids are...

...exist to guide a couple's love!

Let go! Let me take care of it!

Angels don't normally have a steel bat!

What'll you do?

Listen, more importantly than that...

...she has to talk to him herself.

All we can do is help Ono-san!

That's right...

That's true.

The only thing an angel can do is help.

You're getting it, Dokuro-chan.

Then recite it.

Then recite it. Okay!

It's definitely a secret that Ono-san likes Miyamoto.

It's definitely a secret that you still take baths with your mom.

No!

I stopped in sixth grade!

Hold up!

Wait!

Let go!

What?

No!

Miyamoto!

This is bad, Dokuro-chan.

Why're you in a tizzy blending in with these gawkers? You caused this!

No!

It's because you did such a criminal act.

Whatever, just activate some "shield of clearing out people"!

What do you think angels are?

We can't do things like that!

Then what can you do?

Radio calisthenics!

Version two?

You're so useless!

You okay?

Ono-san!

I'm okay...

Miyamoto-kun, you're bleeding!

Are you two okay?

Miyamoto-kun!

What happened here?

Numata-senpai...

I remember now. She's Haruna Numata!

The baseball team manager.

Third place in last year's Miss Guernica Academy...

Why is she here anyway?

I'm okay, senpai. I can still...

What are you saying?

You're the baseball team's star who carries our future!

The care of players is the manager's job...

...so leave it to me.

Okay...

Hey, how do you read this?

In a scene of carnage like this?

Yes?

What?

Senpai...

Ono-san...

How could you, Dokuro-chan?

I'll take him...

I'll take him to the nurse's office.

Do you have any idea?

What?

If it went one step further...

...he might not be able to play baseball anymore!

Senpai, please stop. I'm...

I only said the truth.

Miyamoto-kun got hurt protecting me.

So I'll take him to the nurse's office!

What's with this girl?

Right, Miyamoto-kun?

Senpai, I'll have Ono-san take me there.

What?

Miyamoto-kun...

That's how it is?

Really...

Ono-san, let's go.

Right.

Um, I...

I'm really sorry.

Because of me, your precious shoulder is...

It's only a scratch. I'm fine, so don't worry about it!

I'm really sorry!

I...

Thank you, Ono-san!

I got you to look at my work, and you're taking care of my injury too...

N-No, I...

I had fun studying with you, Ono-san.

What?

If you want...

This time ended up like this...

...but can you help me with my work again?

It ended up like this after all our anxiety over it, right?

Yeah...

I guess all those two needed was a chance.

And the courage to find one.

Courage, huh?

But yeah, I can't believe Dokuro-chan actually ended up playing cupid.

Even looking like that, angels aren't just for show.

Hey, Sakura-kun.

Yeah?

My mother gave me movie tickets.

Okay...

After the tests is fine, but will you go with me?

What?

One morning...

...when Gregor Samsa awoke from a strange dream...

...his verminous bug had scattered something and was limp.

It's okay, Gregor. That proves you are healthy.

Bludgeoning Angel Dokuro-chan!

It's New Cinema Paradise! Dokuro-chan!

Episode 4

It's New Cinema Paradise! Dokuro-chan!

Oh no! Why is it so late?

Sakura-kun, you're too loud...

Oh, sorry to wake you up, Dokuro-chan.

Wait! Why is Dokuro-chan sleeping in my futon!

Huh, Sakura-kun?

Sakura-kun.

Don't waste this opportunity!

Stand up! Stand up!

No, Sergeant! Don't stand up!

Shut up!

No, Dokuro-chan! We're still...

But...

It's coming out! Something is going to come out!

Dokuro-chan, my body is becoming a reverse shrimp!

If we keep going, my head and butt are going to touch each other!

More like they are touching!

Sakura-kun...

Let go of me before I die...

Good morning...

Why are you in my futon?

No, Dokuro-chan, you came into my fu...

Oh no!

Pipiru piru piru pipiru...

What? Dokuro-chan?

Please don't fall asleep in the middle.

Wait, there's something wrong.

This is Perry! Please fix me right!

Oh, I'm sorry...

Pii...

Good grief...

Man, she'll get sick if she stays like this.

You can't, zansu, Sakura-kun!

You can't do that, zansu!

It's too early for that, zansu!

I mean... I mean, you guys are still only...

...in your 2nd year of junior high school!

Who are you?

Me, zansu?

Thank you for asking me, zansu!

My name is...

Sakura-kun, open up, zansu.

I am Dokuro-chan's friend, zansu!

All the more reason!

This is Dokuro-chan's best underwear!

Man, Dokuro-chan wears ones like these?

Why don't I listen to your business.

Thank you, zansu, Sakura-kun.

I am Dokuro-chan's friend, and my name is Zansu, zansu, but...

...why are you looking around, zansu?

Dokuro-chan's underwear was a lie to get you to open your heart, zansu.

What happened, zansu?

Please leave! More like hurry up and leave!

Wait a second, zansu!

What I have to talk to you about is...

It hurts! It's stuck in between!

Please listen to me, zansu!

Your life is being targeted as the human that created the technology for...

...immortality in the future, zansu!

That's what I can't believe!

There's no way I'd do such a thing!

What's the name of the chromosome only men have?

Y chromosomes.

Correct!

You are definitely the culprit!

I just remembered because we covered it in class!

Seriously, what is going on?

And today is my date with Shizuki-chan...

That's what it was!

Where's Shizuki-chan?

Guess who?

Shizuki-chan?

Correct.

Sakura-kun, you're late!

I thought you weren't going to come.

I-I'm sorry, Shizuki-chan.

That alarm clock was most likely changed by Dokuro-chan...

...to watch Waratte litomo Special Issue.

Just kidding. It's fine.

I think it was my first time seeing you panic like that.

You've changed recently.

Y-You think?

That aside, thanks for inviting me today.

No problem.

Come on. If we don't hurry, the theater's going to get crowded.

Let's go, Sakura-kun.

Okay!

Guess who?

It hurts! It hurts! It hurts!

My eyes! My eyes are going to be crushed!

It's going to dig into my brain!

Bracket heart.

Guess who.

Dokuro-chan! Dokuro-chan!

Only Dokuro-chan would unleash a forbidden technique like this!

Correct!

"Correct," my butt!

My face was almost where it'd be crushed, and I'd be no one!

Sakura-kun, are you all right?

Yeah, barely.

More like, Dokuro-chan, why are you here, and how did you get here!

Because I remember...

...Sakura-kun's scent.

What are you saying, Dokuro-chan!

Saying something that'll be misunderstood...

And of course, my scent is on Sakura-kun...

That's enough! That's enough!

What do you want from me?

Dokuro-chan?

What happened? Your stomach hurts?

Sakura-kun...

Dokuro-chan?

Hey, get it together!

Dokuro-chan!

She's soundly sleeping.

What is with her? What did she come here for?

Wake up!

Wake up!

What should we do? We can't just leave her.

It's fine if we leave her.

I don't think so. It's been dangerous lately.

What should we do? I'm sure she won't fit into a coin locker.

I guess we have to take her with us if it's come to this.

Yeah...

What?

What did you just say?

I said the three of us have to go together to the movie theater.

Sensitive Salaryman

Here, Shizuki-chan, your soda.

Thank you.

So... Hey...

Go ahead, Shizuki-chan.

You can go first.

Sensi

tive

Salary

man

The Movie

Please don't push me...

If you do that...

S-Shizuki-chan...

How often do you have to be late till you get it through your head?

Get it together!

This is the "Dokuro-chan theme" that she made!

Where is it? Where is it coming from?

It's here!

You answer slow, Dokuro-chan!

Oh, you're Sakura-kun, zansu.

Huh? Dokuro-chan...

Hanging up is mean, zansu!

What is it? We'll sue you.

Just listen, zansu! Right now, Sabato-cha...

Whoa, p-pigs?

W-What's going on?

You finally woke up?

Meaning...

...that's...

...Sabato-chan?

Please let me through. I'm sorry!

Please let me through.

I finally found you, Sakura-kun!

Sabato-chan, shh!

I'm sorry.

You came to see the movie too?

What are you saying?

Today's the day I...

Shh!

Your seat is around here too?

How can you be so carefree?

I came today to finally abduct and kill!

Huh? Who?

Of course you!

I told you I wouldn't do anything that would make you target me.

You will!

Your pedophilia is...

Your voice is so loud. You'll bother the other viewers too.

That's not all!

Since that day I've been...

...living in hunger under a dark, cold bridge.

So the suspicious character that started living under the bridge...

...close to the school was you, huh?

So I'm going to take your life!

It's okay. It'll hurt a lot, but you won't feel anything after that!

No! That means I'll be dead!

This angel's serious!

So then, Sakura-kun...

I know!

Dokuro-chan, wake up and save me!

Damn it!

Yeah, yeah! Yahoo!

No!

Sabato-chan?

Sakura-kun, are you okay?

Yeah, Sabato-chan isn't looking too good, but I was saved.

S-Sakura-kun, did you feel me up?

My...

Hold on a second, Dokuro-chan! That was unavoidable!

Y-You know what? It's your fault, Dokuro-chan!

Hey, you have to be quiet at a theater!

It's too late, but... All the other people left, but...

Come on, manners...

I'm sorry! Really sorry!

Sabato-chan, wake up! Sorry for making you a shield!

I actually survived!

Anything but that!

Dokuro-chan, just not that!

Just not...

Pipiru piru piru pipiru pii!

Hey, Sakura-kun, wake up!

Let's play!

You've been sighing so much since before!

Your happiness is running away!

You don't have to say it!

Why don't you just walk around in practically nothing?

Please leave me alone...

But being alone is boring.

Then I'll read a book to you, Sakura-kun!

Huh, what book?

Um, Flanders...

Oh, the one famous for its last scene.

Slave Dog of Flanders.

Wait a second...

Long ago, there was a human named Nello and a dog named Patrache.

O-Okay...

Nello said...

..."No! You can't, Patrache!"

Is that really a normal dog?

"Master!"

"I'm a dog!"

Stop, Dokuro-chan!

Please let me go to sleep!

Sakura-kun...

...you're an idiot.

yume nante motanakute ii

You don't have to have a dream.

ima wo ikite iru nara

As long as you are living now.

shiranakute ii koto mo aru

There are things that you don't need to know.

INOCHI mamoru tame nara

If it's to save your life.

mamotte ageru

I will protect you.

BOKU wo shinjite

Believe in me.

shinjitsu wa zankoku na mono

The truth is a cruel thing.

BOKU no koto dake wo ima wa

Please look at just me...

mitsumete

...right now.

Next Time

It's School Outdoors! Dokuro-chan!

It's a Test of Courage! Dokuro-chan!

Next Time It's School Outdoors! Dokuro-chan!

It's a Test of Courage! Dokuro-chan!

School outdoors, yay!