Original subtitles

There's way too much homework.

It's not like we're in grade school.

Today is especially bad.

Why do they restrict their students' free time after school?

What happened to education with breathing space?

See you.

Yup.

Well, let's try our best.

You too, Miyamoto-kun.

If...

...there's something I don't get in the homework tonight...

...can I call you?

Yeah.

Well, see you tomorrow at school.

Yeah. Bye, Shizuki-chan.

Bye-bye, Sakura-kun.

I'm home!

No!

Dokuro-chan, you look thinner when you...

Ah! I'm sorry!

Pipiru piru piru pipiru pii!

Man, you just promised this morning that you wouldn't bludgeon me!

It's your fault for just coming in.

Her name is Dokuro-chan.

That's a separate issue!

She's an angel that came from the future.

No, it's not!

For some reason, she started living in my room out of nowhere.

You're the one who pretended not to realize and tried to see me naked!

Can you believe that?

I still can't believe it.

Pipiru piru piru pipiru pii.

Pipiru piru piru pipiru pii.

nande mo dekichau BATTO ESUKARIBORUGU!

A bat that can do anything, Excalibolg!

Pipiru piru piru pipiru pii.

Pipiru piru piru pipiru pii.

mahou no gion de jinsei yarinaoshite ageru

With the magical imitation sounds, I'll let you relive your life.

iya yo dame yo konna no BAKABAKA

I don't want to. You can't do such a thing, stupid, stupid!

sonna ni GIRAGIRA shinaide

Don't glare so much.

onegai dakara eii!

Please... yay!

bokusatsu tenshi

Bludgeoning Angel.

chi shibuki DOKUDOKU DOKURO-chan

Blood-spray pouring, pouring Dokuro-chan.

bokusatsu tenshi

Bludgeoning Angel.

shinzou DOKUDOKU DOKURO-chan

Heart pounding, pounding Dokuro-chan.

funde shibatte tataite

Step on! Tie up! Beat!

kette jirashite tsurushite

Kick! Tease! Hang!

demo sore tte BOKU no "ai" na no

But that is my "love."

bokusatsu tenshi

Bludgeoning Angel.

BATTO de DOSUDOSU DOKURO-chan

With a bat, bam-bam Dokuro-chan.

bokusatsu tenshi

Bludgeoning Angel.

chi midoro dorodoro DOKURO-chan

Blood-stained muddled, muddled Dokuro-chan.

kitte nagutte nabutte

Slice! Punch! Torment!

sashite sarashite tarashite

Pierce! Expose! Dribble!

demo sore tte BOKU no "ai" na no

But that is my "love."

Pipiru piru piru pipiru pii.

It's a Bludgeoning Angel!

Episode 1

Dokuro-chan!

It's a Bludgeoning Angel! Dokuro-chan!

The box-shaped item on President George Bush's back...

...was determined to be a blackboard eraser by the infrared-ray sensor.

Moving on.

The fact General Secretary Kim Jong-il's glasses were fake became clear.

They had no lenses, and the government is taking this fact seriously.

Hey, Sakura-kun.

What?

What are you doing?

A-As you can see, homework.

What? Homework?

Dokuro-chan, don't strangle me! Don't push my Adam's apple!

I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!

Mother! Mother! Mother!

I'm going to be strangulated by Dokuro-chan! Let go, let go!

Why are you doing your homework, Sakura-kun?

Huh?

I studied a lot before I came to your place!

Does that mean that you'll do my homework for me, Dokuro-chan?

No, stupid!

It says it here in the books!

The boy that had a cute girl intrude on him forgets about homework...

...is told to go stand in the hall, and is supposed to get zeros all the time!

Main characters in those stories usually aren't bright...

Right? So you should play with me!

Wait, the result and cause are reversed.

They normally get zeros...

Okay, you're white.

I'm red, green, pink, black...

"Gothello" again? You can't have a game with four colors against one...

Listen to people!

This is the real world, and it's different from the world of comics and novels!

Then you can be pink.

Either way, I only have one color!

I don't like this Dokuro-chan original game! I won't play!

I'm doing my homework!

You can't! I'll be bored!

Let's play together, Sakura-kun!

Let's play! Let's play! Let's play!

Hey, Dokuro-chan, don't lie down there!

Your panties are on display and bothering me, so I can't do homework!

Why?

What?

Oh really...

Sakura-kun...

...if I do this, you can't do your homework, huh?

Don't look! Stay calm! Cool your head off!

Look, look. Let's keep going honestly!

Those cheap thoughts muddle the world's sexual mores!

Who cares!

Viva libido!

No! No, no!

My eyes! My eyes!

Die, Reason!

I'm home.

Okay! I won't do my homework anymore! I'll forget it!

Just stop, Dokuro-chan...

Hooray!

I'm home, Sakura.

Doing your homework? I'm proud of you.

Welcome home, sir.

I'm home, Dokuro-chan. Keep a good eye on Sakura's homework.

Yes, sir!

Hey, Sakura-kun.

Oh, you just want me to play gothello, right?

I'm going to school with you starting tomorrow, Sakura-kun.

Oh, really?

What did you say?

I'm going to school with you starting tomorrow!

St. Guernica Academy

Wow, amazing! Amazing!

Dokuro-chan...

Dokuro-chan!

No! If you do something here, people will...

Dokuro-chan, promise me.

Yes? You can say anything.

Promise you won't bludgeon anyone at school!

If you beat someone with your bat, we're totally done!

W-What's with that "he just said something unexpected" face?

You absolutely cannot bludgeon anyone!

No...

You can't say no!

No!

Hold on! Don't bring out Excalibolg without warning...

Oh no! I'm sorry!

Pipiru piru piru pipiru pii!

Dokuro-chan, you idiot angel...

Got it? It's not just me. You can't bludgeon anybody.

But...

But what?

If you bludgeon a classmate, and they find out you're an angel...

...it'll be a disaster!

Why would it be?

Just because.

Not everyone's used to an angel.

I don't really get it, but okay.

I'll keep it a secret!

You can't use your mysterious angel powers either of course.

Angel powers.

Or tear-gas bombs.

Horizontal tear-gas bomb launching.

It's a promise!

Yes, I swear on that night's memories.

Never happened.

Good morning, everyone.

Sakura! Who's that beautiful girl?

Is she the new transfer student? It's her, right?

Why you, you pedophile!

I'm not!

Is it true you're living with her?

Damn it!

Quiet, everyone!

So I'd like to introduce a new classmate to everyone.

We've been waiting!

So please introduce yourself.

Nice to meet you! I'm Dokuro Mitsukai!

Please call me "Dokuro-chan"!

Right now, I'm being taken care of at Sakura Kusakabe-kun's home.

Quiet!

Her parents are up north right now toiling with the Foreign Legion.

Really?

My favorite foods are oyaki, red sausage, and mayonnaise.

I like guys who don't watch Kouhaku on New Year's Eve...

...but watch competing programs.

My height is 153 cm.

Starting from the top, I'm 85, 52, 81!

As you heard, Dokuro-chan has a nice body.

I'm looking forward to gym class.

Your seat is...

Sir!

I don't really know about the school, so may I sit next to Sakura-kun?

True. Then...

Hey, hey, hey! Hold on a second!

Sir.

Yes, Minakami-san?

Shizuki-chan...

I think it's the class representative's job to watch over transfer students.

Shizuki-chan!

Pipiru piru piru pipiru pii!

Not that! That's forbidden!

Matsunaga-kun...

Dokuro-chan, it's been bothering me awhile...

...but what's that ring on top of your head?

Sir, that's...

This is an angel's halo. Because I'm an angel.

That came out too easily!

Did everyone hear?

Dokuro-chan is an angel. Don't leave her out just because she is.

Yes, sir!

Everyone adapted?

Anyway, sir, the class rep has turned into a monkey...

...so I'll go next to Sakura-kun.

True, that can't be helped if he's become a monkey.

Please take care of me, Sakura-kun.

Please hold on, sir!

Aoki-san is next to me...

What?

Why? She was just there.

Even her textbooks are gone. Where did you go, Aoki-san?

Everyone, Aoki-san was just here, wasn't she?

This is scary. I'm a little scared!

Matsunaga-kun turned into a monkey!

Everyone, Dokuro-chan's an angel!

Be more alarmed!

Like, "Eek! An angel!"

Why's everyone quiet?

Sir! Don't go, sir!

What, what? What's with that reaction?

Dokuro-chan, what?

Why are you in that pose with Excalibolg?

Pipiru piru piru pipiru pii!

The time has finally come, zansu.

"Lulutie" has sent over an assassin, zansu.

Okay, I understand.

I'll try not to take my eyes off Sakura-kun.

Their way is definitely wrong, zansu.

Let's do our best, zansu.

I'll go to him now.

I'd like to borrow this.

Sakura-kun.

H-Hey...

Shizuki-chan, got a moment?

Good timing.

I actually wanted to tell you something too.

What? She's confessing her love?

That girl named Dokuro-chan, who is she?

Oh, Dokuro-chan, huh?

Sakura-kun!

Sakura-kun!

Could he be in the girl's toilet?

Shinji Hanaoka of 3rd-year class B...

...please come to the staff room.

Really...

I repeat.

You said you'd call yesterday, so I was wondering why you didn't.

Shinji Hanaoka of 3rd-year class B...

She gets in my way.

Speaking of which, is it okay to leave her alone?

Yeah, she was having fun with Minami-san, so it should be.

Anyway...

Sakura-kun, where are you?

2nd-year class A's Sakura Kusakabe-kun!

If you don't come here soon, I'll start telling your secrets one by one!

Stop it!

First is where he hides his dirty books.

No!

In the dictionary's case on top of his desk!

That stupid angel!

You saw them?

I-I didn't. More importantly, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry myself.

Up we go...

Are you okay?

Please use this.

Thank you so much.

I'll wash it and return it, so what's your address and number?

Don't worry about it. This is the proper thing to do.

Come on, can you stand?

Yes.

Bludgeoning Angel Dokuro-chan!

An Assassin from the Future!

Episode 2

Dokuro-chan!

An Assassin from the Future! Dokuro-chan!

What?

Was all that up till now a delusion of mine?

Ow...

She came back to life?

You saw them?

Not at all.

My skull...

Are you okay?

P-Please use this.

Thank you so much.

I'll wash it and return it, so what's your address and number?

Don't worry about it.

Well, I'll be going now.

Please wait, Sakura Kusakabe-san.

Sakura-san, I have something really important to talk to you about.

Could you come to a deserted gym storage room with me?

Speaking of which, she has a nice body just like Dokuro-chan.

She's pretty cute!

No. What am I thinking?

I do not know when Dokuro-chan's broadcast of terror shall begin.

And going to such extents to call me means something...

Not merely something... Rather, a major incident has occurred.

And why am I talking formally?

Well, that aside, let's say it with courage!

There are only 15 minutes till lunch period ends...

...but I'm sure we'll be fine!

No, I'm so stupid!

Sorry, I have a prior engagement, so I can't go. I'm sorry. What?

Even if you don't want to, you will...

...if you don't want to die.

I forgot to introduce myself.

My name is Sabato, an angel who came from the world of the future.

Sakura-kun, please come with me.

Also, what's pressed against your medulla oblongata...

...can fry a blue whale in a second.

"Super Electromagnetic Stun Rod Durendalte"!

A-Angel?

What's going on?

Found you, Sakura-kun!

Dokuro-chan, thanks for saving... me.

Oh no! Sakura-kun!

Pipiru piru piru pipiru pii!

That hurt!

Since you were trying to kidnap Sabato-chan...

That's reversed! I was almost kidnapped!

Excuse me...

Oh, sorry.

Speaking of which, you know her?

Yes, she's an angel who came from the future to kidnap and murder you.

Wait a second. Why me?

Please listen. That's wrong.

She's the one trying to manipulate you.

She's a traitor to the angels!

You're wrong! I'm not wrong!

Believe me, Sakura-kun!

If it's true, you don't have to...

So believe me!

Not fair! Sabato-chan's fake crying!

I know that ever since Dokuro-chan arrived...

...Sakura-kun's nightlife has become such a mess...

...while you can't go to bed at night.

Even though she looks like that, Dokuro-chan's really uptight.

It's often said by people, "Sabato-chan, you're pretty easy."

Hey, Sakura-kun...

Let's go somewhere private.

Believe me.

If I stay this way tonight...

...I'll be hot, flush, miserable, and unable to sleep.

Sakura-kun! No, no, don't go over there. No!

Sabato-chan, my best move is a front somersault with legs spread.

Then, Sakura-kun, please take Dokuro-chan's halo off her head.

Yes, sir!

No!

This is your fault, Dokuro-chan.

You always, always, always, always do things to me!

No!

Damn it!

How could I forget...

...that Dokuro-chan's halo slices like the sharp edge of a Japanese sword!

Stupid Sakura-kun!

What happened to her?

If angels don't have their halo, they have really bad diarrhea.

Oh no...

Why'd I do such a horrible...

Okay, Sakura-kun!

Come with me.

The gym storage room is that way.

What are you talking about? I have no clue.

Stay still and this will be a lot quicker.

Sakura-kun.

Shizuki-chan, don't come here!

There's my chance!

It's cold!

Are you okay?

Got you.

Damn it...

What happened?

I failed...

It's because you used an appliance while soaking wet.

Sakura, what is this...

Sakura, don't tell me you...

I didn't do anything!

But she's a wreck.

She did that herself...

Just like a guy.

That's not true, Minami-san!

Sakura-kun has to die!

You did something only death can atone for, huh?

Believe in your friends a little more!

Hands off!

Hey, Sabato-chan, why do I have to be killed?

Because your future self...

Don't listen to her!

Dokuro-chan!

Dokuro-chan, you're okay now?

I got it all out already, so...

I'm going to say it.

No!

This is an image from the future 20 years from now.

It's not much different from now.

Aren't all the girls kind of young?

This is the cafeteria at a women's college.

They all look like they're in grade school!

The truth is that this is an image of a future world that's made advances...

...on immortality technology.

And the one who accidentally discovers that technology is...

M-Me?

We angels don't forgive those who try to get closer to God's domain.

That's who I'm with, "Angel Precinct of the Martial Law Council."

Alias "Lulutie."

Dokuro-chan is the traitor of Lulutie.

You, the one who effectively discovers immortality...

...must be killed in the past to change the future, but Dokuro-chan...

I'll change the future without having to kill you!

I understood everything then.

Why Dokuro-chan was living with a guy like me...

Why she would get in the way of my studying, sleeping, and eating...

...and why she wanted to play with me.

It was all to stop me from discovering the technology of immortality.

Wait, but that image doesn't fit with immortality.

It's because the technology for immortality was accidentally made...

...during your experiments to create a pedophile's world.

What?

You froze the appearance of every woman in the world at age 12.

Then they all became immortals.

Pedophile.

Pedophile.

Thought so.

Like I guessed.

Pedophile, huh?

Sakura-kun...

Shizuki-chan, please don't step back!

A world like that cannot be allowed...

...you pedophile!

I can't accept a stupid story like that!

Right, everyone?

No.

It could happen with you.

I have a little sister...

You were a good guy too.

The worst. You're not human.

Aren't you my friends? Stick up for me!

Hey, Dokuro-chan, what am I supposed to...

I won't mess up anymore.

Prepare yourself.

What are you doing, Dokuro-chan? Let go of me!

You're so persistent!

Oh no!

This halo slices like the sharp edge of a Japanese sword too!

And on top of that!

What are you doing?

Sakura-kun, you're a devil!

You remember this.

I will definitely, definitely get you...

No, no! It's going to come out!

It's going to come out!

More like... a little bit came out!

Dokuro-chan...

Sakura-kun...

Yeesh.

Well, I guess we could look forward to a world like that too.

Good luck, Sakura-kun.

Guys, sorry to put myself on a pedestal, but have more of a reaction!

That was an angel too! What about immortality?

Listen to people!

Sakura-kun.

Shizuki-chan...

I'm going to go on ahead too.

Okay.

Dokuro-chan, I'm sorry for taking this halo away before.

It doesn't bother me anymore, Sakura-kun.

So give me the freaking thing already.

Nothing.

Dokuro-chan, could it be you're angry?

I'm not angry.

If I return this, you'll forgive me?

Yeah, I will, so...

Really?

Really.

Dokuro-chan, I feel that I've been misunderstanding you the whole time.

To think that everything you did till now was to protect me...

Sakura-kun, you don't have to thank me.

No, please let me say it.

You seriously don't have to.

Thank you, Dokuro-chan.

And from now on...

W-What?

Dokuro-chan, what's with that huge smile?

What? Hey, why do you have Excalibolg out?

Oh, I get it. Dokuro-chan, you're actually angry, right?

Sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry. I won't do it again.

P-Please forgive me!

Pipiru piru piru pipiru pii!

yume nante motanakute ii

You don't have to have a dream.

ima wo ikite iru nara

As long as you are living now.

shiranakute ii koto mo aru

There are things that you don't need to know.

INOCHI mamoru tame nara

If it's to save your life.

mamotte ageru

I will protect you.

BOKU wo shinjite

Believe in me.

shinjitsu wa zankoku na mono

The truth is a cruel thing.

BOKU no koto dake wo ima wa

Please look at just me...

mitsumete

...right now.

Next Time

Cupid of Love! Dokuro-chan!

New Cinema Paradise! Dokuro-chan!