Original subtitles

Why drink on a school trip? - For a laugh. - You're not laughing now.

- Has Rachel not mentioned it to you?

- No. - She's interviewing now

for a new head chef and they'll double as a healthy school co-ordinator.

- Adam Pleat? ..I know you, don't I?

It is you, it's Adam Pleat, Fat Adam. I'm sorry. - Good to see you, too.

- I'm warning you, you stay away from my son.

- Ooh, I'm quaking(!)

- Congratulations, cos if you want this job, it's yours. - Thank you.

- # Sunny days - (sunny days)

- # I know are quite rare

# But I don't care cos I'm so happy

# I'm so happy with the world and I

- # Ba-da-dup ba-da-dup

- # What about a pretty girl?

# Well... #

- Ow! What was that for? - It's your birthday punch. Happy birthday!

- Great, thanks. - Do you want your present now or later?

- Not sure I want it at all, just in case it's a kick in the crotch.

- Er...what are you doing tonight, sir?

- Erm, I'll be at the party.

Well, someone's got to man the barbecue, keep the burgers and sausages coming.

I'm the barbecue king.

- More like King of the Sad Dads.

- Oi, I heard that.

- So, who's coming tonight, then? - I'm not sure. I've told everyone.

- When you say everyone, you mean Bolton and all his mates?

- I think I mentioned it to him. - Look at this.

Are you here to help set up the class? - Yeah.

- Must be my lucky day.

- Oh, for God's sake, Tom, are you trying to give us all salmonella?

- No. Why?

- Uncooked meats on the bottom.

Not on top of your coleslaw.

- Sorry. - My year sevens have a better idea of food hygiene than you.

What's all this for, anyway?

- Oh, stuff for Josh's birthday barbecue tonight.

- How many people have you got coming?

- Why? Don't you think I've got enough stuff?

I might pop out later, get a few more bits. Crisps, that sort of thing.

Unless you think that's a bit, um...

- Passe?

- Childish. I want to get this party right. - How do you get a party wrong?

- I don't know. I just don't want it to be rubbish.

I don't want anyone thinking Josh is lame do I?

- No, you don't want Josh to think that you're lame.

You want him to think you're a cool dad. There's only one way to do that. Don't be there.

- Yeah, leave him to it.

- What, you think I should?

- No, I think you should have bouncers on the front door and locks on all the bedroom doors

and I think that you should cover all your furniture in plastic. But I'm not cool, am I?

- Rose? This is Adam. I told you he'd be starting today.

Rose?

- I told you, we don't need him.

You'd think we'd been serving up

rubbish for the past year!

We do the best we can on the money.

- I'm not suggesting anything else. - Then why is he here?

- I'm here to make Waterloo Road a healthier place.

To make sure the lunches are packing a nutritional punch.

- Are you saying that I can't do my job?

- No, but it's not just about making food, it's about educating the kids,

so they know what they're eating and why.

- Adam's a nice guy. He's not here to cause trouble.

- I do want to get the job done.

- I know, but I'm just saying that Rose is safe in your hands, isn't she?

- Safe?

- You two know what I mean, I going to leave you to it. Get on with it.

Is this someone's idea of a joke?

Hmm?

Who put this in my pigeonhole?

- I did, Grantly.

- Depression? I am not mentally unbalanced.

- No, I'm not suggesting that you are. - Grantly.

Grantly, we've all got one. - I'm not singling you out. It's part of the emotional health campaign.

- Oh, so I'm supposed to be looking

for signs of depression in the kids now, am I?

- No, you're supposed to be looking for signs of depression in yourself, or your colleagues.

87% of teachers suffer from stress, 42% suffer from depression.

It would be nice to just buck the trend?

- How? Do you know, we all know why stress levels go through the roof.

Ofsted inspections,

league tables, all of the paperwork

that goes with them.

- Well, exactly. And it's not just this one I got from you, I got all these in my pigeonhole as well.

- I know, and I would love to say to you to shove it all in the bin and ignore it.

- But you're not going to. - No.

No, but what I am going to say is that my door is always open. It's not just for the kids,

but staff as well. Pastoral care is for everybody, as far as I'm concerned.

- Marvellous, bit of a chat and it'll be OK.

- Just read the leaflet, all right?

If any of you recognise the symptoms or any of the warning signs of depression

you know where I am.

- "Disturbed sleep,

"exhaustion, shortness of temper." It's not the symptoms of depression.

It's the symptoms of being a teacher.

SHE GIGGLES

Practical lesson today, folks, as you can see.

Find a bench and sit down quietly.

- Any room for me?

- I want you in pairs or groups of three, please.

- Josh, do you want to pair up

with me mate? - Nah, you're all right.

- Right, today we are going to be looking at catalysts.

Specifically, how they can speed up

the reaction between sodium thiosulphate and hydrogen peroxide. Oi!

You two! Are you listening, Josh? Lauren?

- Yeah, sorry, sir. - Thank you.

Right.

What do we know about hydrogen peroxide?

Anyone, come on?

Don't be shy. Hydrogen peroxide?

- Um. It's a bleach, isn't it, sir?

- Good. Hydrogen peroxide is the active ingredient in most bleaching products.

Hair bleach, toilet bleach, skin bleach,

whitening toothpastes,

but it's only in

a really, really diluted form. Right,

goggles on before I hand any of this out.

- What do you think?

- Yeah, they suit you.

- So, do you think it's going to work?

- Well, I don't see why not. It's a simple enough concept -

bring your old clothes, swap 'em for new ones.

Even our lot can grasp it.

- Actually, I meant, is it going to work on Rachel? Presumably you're doing this for brownie points.

- No, it's not. - It's OK.

We all do what we have to do.

How's things at home? Any better?

- Well, it depends what you mean by "better".

I mean, John's not upset about losing his job any more.

- That's good. - The thing is, he's not upset about anything.

Or angry. Or happy. Or anything.

He's like a zombie.

Y'know, it's like he's given up.

What can't be cured must be endured.

Right, girls, come on.

Are these your contributions?

Yes? Pop them on the table, cos they all need to be sorted.

- Listen, if there's anything I can do.

- I'm just going to get my head down

and I am going to make a success of this one little venture.

Just so Rachel gets the message.

- Out with the old and

in with the new isn't always the way.

- Who are you calling old?

- I've been consigned to the scrapheap a few times! Anyway, here's my contribution.

And don't you be snaffling them first.

- Is this out of your bag, Karla?

I didn't know you had such good taste. - Oh, I don't. It's my mum's. It's really old.

- It's not old, the word's vintage.

Oh, Leesh, look at this!

Do you think I'd be able to pull off the boho look? - Yeah!

- Some of this is designer gear! - I wouldn't be able to afford half this stuff if it were in the shops.

Excuse me. The idea is that everybody gets the chance to look.

It's not a sneak preview.

And before you take something, you bring something.

The idea is that you rejuvenate your

old wardrobes and yourselves without

splashing your parents' cash.

I need some volunteers for ironing and sewing on loose buttons.

- I can help, Mrs Fry. I've got a free lesson and I'm good at ironing.

- Right, you lot can come back when it starts then, please. Thank you.

Off you pop.

- I don't care what she says.

I saw that top first and it's mine.

- # Angels watching over me

# With smiles upon their face

# Cos I have made it through this far

# In an unforgiving place... #

- Oi!

- What? - Stop it? - Stop what?

- # But I must knock those thoughts right down... #

- Do you want a slap? - I'd like to see you try!

- Come on, then.

- Oi! You two again! What are you doing? - Nothing, Mr Mead.

- It didn't look like nothing. It looked like you were being stupid around dangerous chemicals.

Where's your goggles, Josh? - On the floor.

- They're not doing any good down there. Stop flirting and get on with your work.

- Excuse me. We weren't flirting.

- Just get on with your work. All of you.

- Oh, my God, I can't actually believe he just said that.

(I didn't do anything.)

- # Ooh-ooh-ooh

# Livin' upside down

- # Livin' upside down. #

- Hey, Ros. - Hey.

- Take a seat.

Actually, I was thinking about...

- Oh, sorry!

MISS LIPSETT LAUGHS

Sorry.

I know you're supposed to be my tutor but I don't really know what that means.

- I'm just here to keep an eye on you academically,

but I don't think we'll have any problems with that, will we? - I hope not.

- These sessions are really about me being able to identify what you're passionate about.

And what you'd like to study at Oxford or Cambridge. - I want to study French and law.

- Well, that's great. And what are your interests outside of school?

- Loads of stuff. - Yeah?

- Books, music, films.

- Any French films?

Nouvelle Vague.

Godard?

OK, it's fine cos we're going to start really slowly.

And don't you worry, you are going to be properly cultured by the time we're finished.

- Miss, that's the dresses and the long things.

And I've sorted everything else into tops, bottoms, shoes and belts.

Maybe I should sort everything by colour instead.

- No! No, it's wonderful.

I'm so impressed.

- Thanks.

- Has anything caught your fancy?

I think you should get first dibs.

- No, it's all right, Miss. I don't like wearing clothes other people have worn.

- But you've worked really hard.

- I told you. I like ironing.

- So, you did. OK, lovely.

You can pop off.

Bye.

- I just think he was out of order. - I know, you keep saying.

- But even if I was flirting

with Josh, which I wasn't,

it's nothing to do with him, is it?

- I suppose so.

- Cover for me, yeah? - I always do, don't I? - Thanks.

- Lauren. - Yeah.

- I don't understand why you're so bothered. Nobody's watching. - Yeah, I know but, erm...

I'll see you out there.

- # This night calls for another man's death

# Imagining things I'm a paranoid mess

# Breaking down in a place like heaven

# Got a call for a drinking lesson

# Need some time to wake up

# Time to clear your mind Time before you erupt

# Need someone before you screw up

# Oh, mother

# Please let me know

# I'm calling home from way up the road... #

Oi! You're supposed to pass it back, remember?

- Ow! - You should have been paying attention, shouldn't you? - I am.

- Oh, dear, love hurts doesn't it?

- What's that supposed to mean?

- C'mon, Lauren, don't make me say it.

- Say what? - You two. You and Josh.

You totally fancy each other.

- No, he doesn't.

- You mean you do? - No!

- Come on, you're always joking with each other. When he was pinching you in science,

that's got to mean something.

- Well, we were just being daft.

Having a laugh. I mean, I laugh and joke with you, don't I?

Do you want to go out with me? - No!

Hiya! - Hey, so how did it go?

- It was brilliant. It's going to be really hard work, but fun.

Miss Lipsett wants me to, like, watch films and read books, go see stuff.

She's given me all these DVDs and that's my homework.

- Well, if you need any help with it?

- Help? - Yeah, I mean, we can watch them together, can't we? - OK.

# Cold underground Everything together as one

# The radio crackles into life and then it's begun

- # And if we run all day we'll still get a little escape

# But if we run all day it will still be far too late... #

It's just a posh jumble sale.

- I think you should get something to wear tonight. - Don't start.

- All I'm saying is, I think you should look nice.

- And I think you're obsessing over me and Josh because you've got no chance with Bolton. - Hey!

- What are you two talking about? - The swap meet.

We're going to find Lauren something fierce. She'll look dead nice.

- I think you always look nice.

- Thanks.

- Right. I'm just going to go, like...

- Oh, my God! He loves you!

You need something knockout.

Something he'll just look at you and think, "Wow!" - Sam!

- Trust me, Lauren.

What about something sexy? - No.

- Well, strappy? - No.

- Something a bit see-through. - No, Sam!

Let's just find a nice T-shirt or something.

- A T-shirt. Wow.

I wondered if you needed a hand.

- Do you know, I think it's going really well!

- Yeah, yeah, I'd say it is.

Eh up, you've got visitor.

See? And just like that, and you're back on track.

- Really? - Really.

You know, Rubes, you need to lighten up.

I think you should come round to my place tonight.

I'll get us a bottle of wine.

Maybe even two and we'll have a girlie night in.

And believe me, John can cope on his own for one night.

- Do you know, I'd really like that. - Good.

- Where is it?

I told you that green top was mine!

- Well, never mind that, my dress has gone as well!

- We're not leaving here without something decent.

- Hey?

- Can I ask you something, Dad?

- Yeah.

- How do you know when a girl fancies you?

- Erm...

She wants to spend a lot of time with you.

She's interested in everything that you say.

- Well, what if she is interested but she just doesn't agree with anything.

- Well, um... - And she always hits you and takes the mick and stuff.

- Oh, then she definitely fancies you. - Now you're taking the mick!

- Look, erm, Josh...

I think you and Lauren...

- Whoa! Hang on. Who said anything about Lauren?

I was just asking.

For a mate, actually.

- Oh, I see. Sorry.

Well, I would say to your mate that I think he's well in.

- All right, I will. See you.

- Bye.

HE SNIGGERS

# Looking back on when I

# Was a little nappy-headed boy

# And my only worry

# Was for Christmas what would be my toy

# Even though we sometimes

# Would not get a thing

# We were happy with the joy the day would bring

# Sneakin' out the back door

# To hang out with those hoodlum friends... #

- What's she doing?!

- Oh! Careful!

- Sam! What do you think?

- Yeah, it's nice! - It's your colour.

- Do you think?

- Well, go try it on!

- OK.

What are you doing? - Well, I'm coming with you.

I want to see what it looks like.

- Well, I'll just show you when I get out, yeah? - OK.

Rubes, what do you think of this?

- It'd be nice as a seat cover on an Austin Allegro.

- Oh, so jealous!

- Oh, my!

- What are you doing? I saw them first.

- I don't think so. And besides, they won't suit you.

- Well, at least they'll fit me.

- What did you say?

- I said, at least I'll be able to fit my backside into them.

- Give them to me and I'll show you.

- I'll show you! I got these first.

- THEY SCREAM OVER EACH OTHER

Here, have a look at this, mate.

- A fiver on Aleesha.

- You're on, mate, on.

- You are such a liar!

- I'm telling you, Aleesha's going down. Watch.

- Ugh, what's that on her back?

- Looks like corned beef.

- That's absolutely disgusting.

- Did you know there was something wrong with her?

- No. Why would I?

- I can't find my shirt.

- Thought she might have told you. Y'know with you two being... - What?

- I thought you were going out. - As if!

- I can't find my shirt!

- Lucky escape, eh?

- Come on. Let's get you decent, darling.

- OK, boys, that's enough. Show's over!

I'm sorry, girls. Due to some very selfish behaviour,

the swap meet's over.

- It's not that bad. Not many people saw.

- Don't lie. - I'm not lying.

- Shut up! Just leave me alone!

- You'd better sort out this

health coordinator, cos if I have to

listen to any more of his crap...

Just sort him out, Rachel, will you?

Right, first, he started in the kitchen, changing what we were cooking at the last minute.

Now he's rearranging the furniture.

- I told you I was going to make changes.

- You did, but to the menu, not to the decor. How's this going to encourage kids to eat fruit?

- There's more to healthy eating than that.

It's not just about their stomachs, it's about their minds. I thought you trusted me!

- Rachel! Come here, look at this.

Shepherd's pie.

- Yeah, I can see that.

- 20 of them. Half meat, half vegetarian.

That's what he's has us cooking. - OK.

- And he expects us to serve them. Like waitresses!

I tell you what, Rachel, it is a good job Candice is not here, because she would freak out.

- About what? Please, can someone just tell me what's going on?

- We're having a proper meal at lunchtime.

A communal eating experience.

The kids are going to sit down, serve out the food, and talk.

- That's never going to work. - It did at the community centre I ran.

I started it when I saw the way the kids ate was the same way they ate at home.

On the fly, shovelling the food whilst they watched telly and did homework. I bet that's how you eat!

- I usually eat while I'm watching the news.

- Just like most people in this country. Watch and shovel, that's all we do.

The dinner table used to be

where people talked about their day,

relaxed enough to share their worries and their problems.

I found that, if we encourage mixed tables, different years and staff eating together, that happens.

- What do you think, Rose?

- Why didn't you say all that in the first place?

- She has got a point there.

- I'm here to get things done. I'm sorry if I'm not the nice guy you seem to remember me as.

- Oh, come on, Adam...

- I'd better get on.

By the way, it would be nice if the staff joined us at lunchtime.

- Get lost, did we? - Sorry I'm late, Mr Clarkson.

- Sit down. Right, as I was saying,

writers have to have sympathy with all of their characters.

Not just the heroes, but the villains too.

They need to understand why they do villainous things.

So today, we're all going to be baddies and monsters.

CLASS: - Ooh!

- Thank you! We're going to write a page

on why our characters do strange or terrible things.

Then we'll read 'em out...

- Lauren.

Will you swap with me? I don't know who mine is.

- Are you trying to be funny?

- Like I said, I don't know who it is.

- Give me mine back. - It's too late now.

- Right, Finn, who have you got?

- Hannibal Lecter.

- OK, Sam?

- Well, I've got the Big Bad Wolf.

But is it from Three Little Pigs or Little Red Riding Hood?

- I'll leave you to decide. Lauren, who have you got?

- Quasimodo.

- OK. - Who's that, sir?

- Come on. Quasimodo?!

Well, surely the name must RING a bell?

The bells, the bells!

- That were him, sir! What else were it he used to do?

- Esmeralda!

- It's not funny. It's discrimination. He didn't choose to be disabled.

- Good. Right. Let's get on with it, shall we?

- Got a minute, Grantly?

I need your help.

I'm planning a visit to London for the APU students.

- And what has London done to deserve that?

- It's a cultural trip.

Y'know, the V&A, Tate Modern and a play at the National in the evening.

- Evening? - Mm-hm.

- What time are you getting back?

- The next day. We're planning an overnight.

- Teenagers and cheap chain hotels should never mix.

Ditto me and overnights.

- I think Rachel begs to differ on that one.

- What? - Well, something about it being your turn

and that I shouldn't take no for an answer.

So,

here's the proposed itinerary. Let me know if you've got any suggestions. Thank you very much.

How would you like it?

A load of pigs just turning up and building their houses on your land? They were scruffy houses as well!

Made out of twigs and straw.

And then there was Little Red Riding Hood. She was just trespassing.

- Excellent.

OK, Lauren.

- Ah, no, I don't want to, mine's crap.

- I'll be the judge of that. Come on, everyone else has had a turn.

Well, let's hear it then, Quasimodo.

- It's just because I look different.

That's why you're all scared of me.

You can only see what's wrong with me, and not what's right.

Don't you think I'd change it if I could? Don't you think I know?

I know that I'm hard to look at.

I don't even like looking at myself.

If I could, I'd break every mirror.

Break it into a thousand pieces.

- Well, I don't know what you were worried about. That was excellent. APPLAUSE

You really thought about things from Quasimodo's perspective. That was both empathetic and sympathetic.

So, can anyone tell me the difference

between empathetic

and sympathetic writing?

I just thought I was tired.

So very tired.

I thought nothing of the sense of disconnection...

..having no energy, no sleep

and when I did sleep...

..the dreams.

- How long has this been going on for, Grantly?

- It feels like an eternity.

- It's just...

..you've never really shown any sign of this before.

In fact, this morning, you actually suggested that depression was for wimps.

- But that's what we depressives do, isn't it?

Put up a facade.

- OK.

Let me, er...

Let me make some calls.

See if we can get you some help. - In the meantime?

- Well, in the meantime, I'm going to go and have a word with Rachel.

I think maybe you might need a leave of absence.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

- Lauren. - Get stuffed!

- You heard her.

- Don't worry about it, it's not your fault she's a freak.

- Suppose. - Besides it's your birthday.

- And?

- And, there's going to be loads of

talent at your party. Who needs her?

Don't worry, you'll be all right.

- Hey, Josh.

- I'll leave you to it then.

- What? - I was thinking about your party. Maybe I could go out for a couple of hours.

Long enough for me to have a pint and for you to have a dance with Lauren.

- Just give it a rest, will you? She's not even coming, all right?

- Come on, Lauren. It's not my fault Josh is being a stupid get! - He is, is he? - Of course!

Laughing with Finn and the other lads like that.

- He wasn't this morning, when you nearly tried to have us married!

- That was before. - Before you told everyone I was disabled?

- I didn't say that! I just said...

OK, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done it, I was just trying to help.

This is why you never get a shower after PE, isn't it? Because of your scar.

- It's not a scar, Sam.

It's a birthmark, I've had it all my life.

- OK, I just thought you might have been in a fire or something.

- Well, you thought wrong! - Lauren! This isn't my fault.

It isn't my fault you didn't trust me enough to tell me.

I thought we were supposed to be best friends.

- What? - Can we have a look?

- At what? - This weird thing on your back.

Everyone's talking about it.

- Ah, Miss Mason. Perhaps you can enlighten me?

- I will always try.

- When I was informed that my presence was required in the dining room at lunchtime,

I had assumed that I would be fed and watered.

- Yes, that's the idea.

- Then perhaps you can tell me why I'm standing in the corridor

when I could be in the staffroom with a cheese-and-pickle barm?

- Everybody hungry?

- Yes, we are. - OK, let's get in.

- 'Ere, what's going on?

- Yeah, where's the grub?

- It'll be out in a minute. We're doing something different today. Take a seat and we will get started.

It would be nice

if the teachers didn't sit together.

Mix it up a bit!

Right, ladies, let's go.

Come on! Don't just look at it. Get stuck in!

- Shall I be mother?

- Give me the spoon, man! - Excuse me!

- Oh, cheers, thank you.

- Didn't know you were on playground duty.

- Yeah, I'm just covering for Grantly.

I want to be careful not to load extra pressure or work on him.

- Extra pressure like a school trip?

- Well, yeah, that would be a definite no-no. - Kim, it's his turn!

And I can't do this APU outing without somebody's help.

I know you don't really agree with the scheme but...

- Hang on! Grantly's supposed to be going on that trip? - Yeah.

- When did he find that out?

- This morning, when I told him.

- MISS CAMPBELL LAUGHS

- Oh, right, yeah, I see.

- So, am I going to have to strong-arm

someone else into going?

- No, absolutely not, it'll be all right!

- Thank you.

Great, lovely.

Oi! Plate! You don't just get up and walk away from the table at home, you give whoever's cooked a hand.

- Well, that's usually me.

- Oh, yeah? What do you cook?

- Beans on toast.

Egg on toast. Bacon on toast... - Why do I get the feeling that your entire repertoire is on toast?

- You know, when you're cooking for one...

- I could show you some simple recipes. I mean really simple, but more exciting than toast.

- OK.

- Yeah? - Yeah. - Good.

- Lauren.

I hear you're having a bad day.

- No, I'm all right.

- No thanks to me, eh?

I'm so sorry, Lauren.

I had no idea. I mean, If I had, I'd never have made you...

- It's all right.

- I suppose that's why Sam was trying to tip me the wink about disability rights. - I'm not disabled!

- Of course you're not.

I'm sorry, I'm trying to make things better, not worse.

Listen, it'll be old news by tomorrow.

In the meantime,

I wouldn't give anyone the satisfaction of seeing you upset.

- OK.

- Does that mean you might change your mind about coming to Josh's party?

- What do you mean, change my mind?

- Josh said you weren't coming.

- Did he? Erm, oh, no, I probably won't come then.

- Well, you don't have to make your mind up right now.

Why don't you see how you feel tonight?

Remember, it is his birthday.

- I'll remember.

- Maybe see you later then, yeah?

- Oi, have you got a problem?

- No. What's your problem?

- I don't have one, you do.

If you didn't want me to come to your poxy party, you should have just said.

All right? - Fine. I will.

You're not invited any more. No freaks allowed.

- Nice one, mate.

- Get stuffed!

- Lauren? What can I do for you?

- Erm, I was just wondering if you needed any help setting up the apparatus.

- Oh, yeah, that'd be great,

but it is your lunch break. Don't you want to be outside with your mates?

- No, thanks. - OK. Well, it's the same set-up as this morning.

It's still on the board, and the equipment's in the cupboard.

Now, I'm trusting you with these right?

- Yeah. - Great.

One set of kit per bench. I'll see you later.

Whoa, can you manage?

- Yes, I'm fine, thank you.

- Let me. - Thanks, Tom. - Where are we going with them?

- My car, please.

- I, er, heard about Lauren Andrews at your swap meet.

- Oh, dear, the poor girl.

Everybody was all standing around laughing at her.

- Is it me or are the kids getting crueller?

- Oh, yeah, well, it used to be just the girls who were spiteful and now the lads, they're just as bad.

- Well, I'm lucky in that respect.

I mean, Josh might not be the top of the class but at least he's a nice lad.

- Not sure Lauren would agree with you.

- What do you mean?

- Josh was right there with Bolton Smilie and Paul Langley. They were just laughing their heads off.

- What?! The little s...

Oh, sorry!

- It's OK. - Here, let me give you a hand.

Ah, but you've wrapped them and put the labels on them.

Er...

- Thank you.

- Reserve price £20? - Yeah.

- I thought the whole purpose of the swap was that no money changed hands.

- It didn't.

- It's amazing what you can sell online these days, isn't it?

I thought this was for the kids? - It was.

Oh, Tom don't tell Rachel?

- I'm sorry, Ruby, but in my book this is stealing.

- Tom!

- Hey, Rose.

I just wanted to thank you for your patience with Adam today.

I think it paid off, didn't it?

Well, the kids seemed to enjoy the change,

at least it got them talking about food.

So with a few adjustments,

I think Adam might have something, don't you?

Rose?

Have we still got a problem here?

- Rachel, you know I've nothing but respect for you as a head. - I have nothing but respect for you, Rose.

- As a dinner lady?

- No, not just as a dinner lady.

- No, but you see my point? You're the teacher, I'm the dinner lady.

- OK.

- I don't come into your office

telling you how you should

be teaching the kids, do I? - Well...

- Well, not since I gave up the drink anyway.

- No.

- So, why should you and this Adam fella come in here telling me how to do my job?

Cos the thing is, Rachel, I'm quite good at it.

Me and Candice balance our books, keep our stock levels right, plan our menus. It doesn't just happen!

- No, I don't think it does, I've never thought that. I'm sorry if you felt...

- Ambushed?

Patronised?

The fact is, if Jamie Ramsey-Whittingstall in there had taken the trouble to talk to me,

he probably would have got everything he wanted.

Maybe even a bit more beside.

- I'll tell him that. Well, most of it, anyway.

- Tell him that, as a cook,

he should know, you catch more flies

with honey than vinegar.

- Tell me what your family's favourite meal is. - I told you, sir, we don't eat together.

- It doesn't have to be at the table, it could be a curry in front of the telly, pizza, drive-through burgers?

- I usually have pasta. It's really boring.

- It doesn't have to be boring! We're talking about chillies, capers...

- Excuse me. Finn, lessons are about to start.

- Right. - I'll catch you later, mate.

And I'll have some recipes for you.

He's exactly the sort of kid that sit-down lunches are for.

- I'm sure he is. - I think today went well, don't you? - It did, it wasn't an unqualified success.

- That's not what I'm getting off the kids, like Finn.

- Yes, kids like Finn have a habit of taking advantage.

Which is one of the things I need you to understand. Adam? Are you listening to me?

- I could put Rose in touch with some great suppliers. Get her better stuff. She's bought real rubbish.

- Maybe you could find a more sensitive way of putting it when you speak to her. - Whatever.

- You need to understand how important Candice and Rose are. They deserve to be treated with respect.

- Have I trod on some over-sensitive toes?

- Rose isn't over-sensitive. In fact, I'd say she was robust.

But you are pretty full-on.

- I love my job. I believe in what I do.

- That is great, but do you have to be so aggressive about it? - Aggressive?!

- OK, enthusiastic.

Or dynamic. I didn't expect you to be so dynamic.

- Of course you didn't.

You expected me to be a pushover, like I was before.

I'm not like I used to be.

- I can see that. - I'm not talking about having a smaller backside and losing the moobs! - Sorry!

Go on, laugh it up.

Look, stop this wounded-soldier act, cos I didn't care that you were...

- Fat, the word is fat.

- Look, it didn't matter to me.

You were sweet and you were nice. - And look how far that got me!

Now you taught me a valuable lesson back then, Rachel.

- What was that? - Nice guys finish last.

- Not always.

- And they never get the girl.

- That was a really long time ago, Adam.

DOOR HANDLE RATTLES

Oh, you got to be joking!

- Let me have a go.

- I'm claustrophobic.

- Well, this isn't awkward.

- All right, keep the noise down and find a seat, please.

DOOR OPENS

- Ah, Mr Clarkson? - I need a quick word with Josh and Lauren, please.

- Well, I can give you Josh.

- Where's Lauren? - I thought she must have got sent home after what happened this morning.

- No, I don't think so. Sam?

Do you know where Lauren is?

- I've not seen her since lunchtime. We had a bit of a fall-out.

- Oh, I am popular.

- I'm looking for Lauren Andrews. - You and all?

No, she's not here.

- I've got chemicals missing. Hydrogen peroxide. I left Lauren in the lab on her own,

that was the last time I saw it.

- Why on earth would she take that? - I have no idea.

- Is Lauren all right? - Er...

Sam, have you any idea where she might have gone? Think!

- All I know is that he upset her this morning.

- Right, well, er, we need to find her.

Kim, will you let Rachel know?

- Can I go too, please. She's my friend.

- What about me? - You stay there.

- Everyone, can you carry on working as you are, I'll be back in five minutes.

I'm going to go find Miss Mason.

- SHE MOANS IN PAIN

SHE SOBS

KNOCKING

Hello!

Hello!

This is ridiculous! We're going to be in here all night!

- At least we won't starve to death.

- Oh, thank you, that's a huge comfort.

What?

- You always have to be in control, don't you?

You always did.

- Look, if I did something to you back then, I didn't know about it.

I thought that you and I were friends.

- Friends.

Well, that was sort of the problem.

- Oh.

That's not my fault. Shouldn't you be over it by now?

- I should have got over it?

What do you think I've been trying to do for the last umpteen years?

- Oh, come on!

- Well, it's a good thing. Losing the weight. The attitude adjustment,

that was all thanks to you.

Look, when we lost touch, I knew I had to sort myself out. So, I did.

- Well, I'm happy for you, well done.

- Maybe I was a bit too eager to show off the new and improved Adam Fleet.

Maybe I came off as a bit of a jerk.

- A bit? - All right, a total and utter jerk.

- Er, Adam, look, erm...

- Rachel? - Yes! Kim, we're in here!

Kim!

In here, Kim!

- What? - Can you let us out?

- Wh...

- Thank you.

- What are you doing in there? Joyce said you'd come down...

- Guess. Finn Sharkey, I want to see him in my office.

- No, it's going to have to wait.

- SHE SOBS

SHE MOANS IN PAIN

SHE SOBS AND MOANS IN PAIN

MUFFLED SOBBING

SHE SQUEALS IN PAIN

Lauren!

- It's burning! It's burning me!

- It's OK, you're going to be OK, don't panic.

Right, get into the showers, rinse it off, go on.

Sam, get Miss Mason as quick as you can!

- I just wanted it to go away. I've made it worse though, haven't I?

- You'll be fine, it's just a little bit red, that's all.

- I don't want anyone to know.

I don't want Josh to know.

He thinks I'm a freak already.

- What, did he say that?

- Tom, where are you? - Through here.

I told her to rinse it. Tell me I've done the right thing and not made it worse!

- You did and you haven't. I'll call an ambulance.

- It's OK, we'll take it from here.

- It's all right, love.

A few minutes, yeah? Rinse it off.

Is she all right? - Not really.

She's had a near miss with a chemical burn.

- What was she doing?! - Trying to get rid of her birthmark.

Someone made her so damn miserable about it, she felt burning herself was the only way to deal with it.

Is that what was going on my English lesson? Was it?

Josh? - It weren't just me.

- She's supposed to be your friend. She's been nothing but nice to you and you do this!

- I didn't do anything to her!

What?

- I'm ashamed of you.

For the very first time.

And I don't like it.

And I don't like you very much. - I didn't know she was going to get that upset.

- Now it's your turn to get upset.

I'm cancelling your party. - Oh, that's tight, that.

- Why? - Because you don't deserve it!

Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you! Get back here.

And you lot, do one. I'm talking to Josh.

And you! Miss Mason wants a word with you before you go home. And Finn!

Don't ever use one of my lessons to victimise a pupil again, you got that?

- I don't know what you're talking about, sir. - Of course not.

I mean it. No party and you're grounded for two weeks.

Now get out of my sight.

- What did you do this time?

- Nothing.

It was a joke.

- You can't get into any more trouble,

Finn. - I can handle Mason.

- No, you just think you can.

Listen, I could say I did it.

Just tell me what you did, quick.

- I locked her in a cupboard.

- Oh, you wanted to see me?

- Yes, but I'm sorting something else out now. - I'll come back tomorrow!

- No, no, no. you can wait.

Come on, you.

- How is he!

- Grantly.

- Miss Campbell.

As you can see, I have made it to the end of another day.

- Well, I suppose we should be thankful for that, eh?

Look, I've had a word with Rachel and she agrees.

She thinks you should have some time off.

She couldn't believe that you were managing to get into work at all.

- It has been a struggle.

- So, er, how long were you thinking then, for your recovery?

- Perhaps just till the end of term.

- Is that all?

- You think longer?

- Well, we were wondering if you might

like to make it permanent?

- What?

- You are an acute case of depression.

I mean, when I reread this leaflet,

you're textbook, aren't you?

- Well, I, er...

- You are showing all the major signs of a breakdown.

- I wouldn't say that I was...

- I'm not sure we should even be letting you in classrooms. You could snap at any time.

- What? How dare you! I'm not some kind of nutcase!

- No, no, I think there's plenty of method in your madness, Grantly.

So, if you're feeling better.

Jo's looking forward to spending some time with you, on the London trip.

- Look, before this goes any further,

I have not had a chance to explain myself.

- That's because I don't want to hear any more lies from you, Ruby.

I just don't know what options I've got left with you.

The farm trip, the state of your whole department, and now this.

- Wait, because I can explain! - You organised a school event so you could make money from the kids.

- No! No, it wasn't like that. I didn't even have the idea unt...

It wasn't like that, I haven't made a profit and I had to take everything off the website.

And it cost me money to put it there

in the first place.

So, actually, I'm out of pocket.

- Oh, I'm supposed to feel sorry for you, am I?

MRS FRY MUMBLES

It's a small mercy that you didn't make any money from it!

Ruby, this behaviour can't continue, can it? I have tried to help, haven't I?

You refuse every chance to talk.

I'm worried that you might be suffering from depression.

- I'm not depressed.

I just don't like to air my dirty laundry in public.

- Well, that's fine. But if you don't talk then I can't protect you.

- Look, I know that I have messed up, y'know. And I'm sorry and I promise, promise it won't happen again.

- Let's get this clear. If I see you in this office again,

I'm going to be forced to start disciplinary proceedings against you.

- Oh, no, but...

- No! But nothing. I don't need or want teachers like you, Ruby.

You know where you stand, you can go.

# Tiny pieces come to me

# Every day

# Still I wait

# Things are falling into place

# But so much time

# Goes to waste... #

- Hiya.

So, do you fancy coming round about seven?

Are you all right?

- I've had a run-in with Rachel.

I told you she's out to get me, Steph.

I'm on my last chance.

- Why? What have you done?

- I don't want to talk about it.

- Fair enough.

I'm sure it's nothing.

I have had so many dressing-downs in that office, it's not true.

I'll tell you about it later and I promise it'll cheer you up.

- I hope so.

- Right, so I'll see you at seven and I shall get some wine and some nibbly bits. See you later.

- KNOCK AT DOOR

Stay where you are.

LATCH TURNS

Hiya, thanks for coming. Come in.

He's just through there.

- Lauren?

- Hiya.

- Are you all right?

How's your...?

- It's a bit sore. But it's not too bad.

- Have you got something to say to her?

- Yeah.

- Well, I'll leave you to say it, then.

# ..into ecstasy

# I want that hot breath of life in me

# I want that hot breath of life in me

# I want that hot breath of life in me... #

- Does it hurt?

- Yes. - God, I'm really, really sorry.

You know I didn't mean it, Lauren.

- Then why do it? - You know what it's like, when you're with your mates...

- I thought I was your mate! - You are!

Look, I'm not the only one who did something stupid.

- Yeah, but I only hurt myself.

- Yeah, but it's the same thing, innit?

We have the same problem.

- Oh, really? So where's your birthmark, then?

- No, what I'm saying is, we both want to be like everyone else.

You don't want to be the...the...

- School freak? - No! I don't want to be the new kid whose dad's a teacher.

- Oh, well, that must be awful for you(!)

- I'm just explaining.

- Yeah, but you ARE the new kid and Mr Clarkson IS your dad.

And you acting like an idiot isn't going to change that.

Just like I can't do anything to change what's on my back.

So if you don't like what I am...

..fair enough, I'll leave you alone.

- No! I really like being your friend.

It's just hard sometimes.

Do you get that?

- Yeah, I guess.

- Maybe I'll just have to try a bit harder.

A lot harder.

- OK.

- # Ah-ooh ah-ah-ah-ah

# Ah-ooh ah-ah-ah-ah... #

TYRES SCREECH

- Idiot!

Oh, bring it on, sunshine, cos I am so in the mood for you!

Why the hell...

- Are you all right? I'm really sorry.

I saw you there, but you weren't indicating. - Wasn't I?

- I should've let you out. I'd never forgive myself if I'd have damaged your car.

Or you for that matter.

- Well, no harm done, eh?

- That's the good news. - Why, what's the bad news?

- That I've been talking to a beautiful lady like yourself and I still don't know your name.

- It's Stephanie, but you can call me Steph.

- No, I like the full monty. Stephanie.

It suits you.

I'm Oliver.

- Hi, Oliver.

- What do you say to a brandy, Stephanie?

- Well?

- It's going to be all right.

- You reckon?

- Yeah, she wants some cake.

- Well, that makes it all all right, then.

- I'm really sorry, Dad.

- So am I.

- What are you sorry for?

- I'm sorry because I don't think it's working, Josh.

I don't think it's doing you any good living with me.

Cake's in the fridge.

# ..for every single second to countdown

# Summer sun, don't leave us now... #

- It's all right, he's doing work experience with me this week.

- That is some kind of a joke?

- I'm afraid not, no.

- I don't need a lecture, I know where the line is, I haven't crossed it.

- Steph, this is my son, Chris.

Chris, this is Stephanie, my girlfriend.

- I care about you.

And I think you need to leave Miss Mason at work occasionally, and be the old Rachel again.

- That is enough! - What, are you going to hit me?

- You've got your own thing going on,

innit? It's cool, I like it.

- So what happened with Mead? - He's full of crap.

But he'll get his.