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1
00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,839
Anyone watching, thinking we know
fuck all about knowing
2
00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:08,359
fuck all about owt,
needs to watch their back.
3
00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:12,359
So you've had your Labour
reclassifying skunk, sending prices
4
00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:16,439
sky-high, literally, literally,
taking the grass from its own roots.
5
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:19,959
Now you've got your ConDemNation...
6
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:23,359
Liberals noshing Tories like
altar boys picking dimps up!
7
00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:27,359
Have we had a national
fucking stroke or what?
8
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:31,519
Is revolution a word,
or was it never?
9
00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:33,599
Anybody watching needs to know,
10
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:36,879
we cope better than average
with irony in Chatsworth.
11
00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,879
Well, for fuck's sake,
we live in Manchester
12
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:43,879
and they charge us for water!
13
00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:48,079
I wandered lonely as a clown,
necking mushrooms rarely found.
14
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:52,239
This green and pleasant
land in ancient times...
15
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,239
Yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak,
yak, yak!
16
00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:57,519
It's not theirs any more.
17
00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:01,039
This is our England now.
18
00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:05,039
Paaaarty!
19
00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:09,439
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
20
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,119
ALARM BEEPS
21
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:14,079
I blame all those fat, short-haired,
22
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:17,479
hairy bints who took a match
to their bras in the 60s.
23
00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:20,799
It's them feminists we've got to
thank for the way society looks
24
00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:24,639
down on anyone who stays at home
looking after the house and kids.
25
00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:27,239
People just don't
see our true value.
26
00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:31,239
We work 24 hours a day, seven days
a week for no pay or holidays.
27
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:36,479
What we do isn't seen as work.
28
00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:40,359
You're only valued if you're
actually bringing in money.
29
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,799
Don't even get so much
as a thank you.
30
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:46,759
I just wish those mardy-arsed
lezzas had kept their saggy,
31
00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:49,999
old tits in their Double Ds!
32
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:53,999
You want to get to bed
a bit earlier.
33
00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:55,719
Morning.
34
00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:56,759
I'll come back.
35
00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:58,879
No, you won't. Sit your arse down.
36
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:00,679
You had breakfast?
37
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:01,999
Just some toast.
38
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,999
Bung a few eggs in the pan for Carl.
39
00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:08,319
What've we got on today?
40
00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:11,079
I need you to pull in all
outstanding debts.
41
00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:14,039
Cash flow problem.
42
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,359
And shift that lot.
43
00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:17,559
And you're going to help.
44
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:20,679
I need you back on the rounds now
Shane's doing his own thing.
45
00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:22,519
Your little holiday's over.
46
00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:25,119
It's time you started
pulling your weight again.
47
00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:26,279
And what about Cilla?
48
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:30,279
She sleeps most of the day.
You'll be fine.
49
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:33,919
There you go.
50
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:37,919
And for you.
51
00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:53,199
Noooooooo!
52
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:57,199
They are full of salt!
53
00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:13,479
♪ Bridal Chorus
54
00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:20,719
(MUSIC STOPS)
55
00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:23,239
I thought you were
having your hair done.
56
00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:26,759
She's off sick. What the hell
are you doing in my dress?
57
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:30,199
Just giving it an airing. Besides,
you've no need for it any longer.
58
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:31,799
What do you mean?
59
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:33,639
He's not exactly
rushing to set a new date.
60
00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:36,719
I reckon he's just
stringing you along.
61
00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,999
Just take it off.
62
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,479
You need to stop this
ridiculous daydreaming.
63
00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,159
It's no daydream.
64
00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:45,239
You think I'm going to spend
the rest of my days
65
00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,959
sleeping in the corner
of a bloody living room?
66
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:51,959
Just where do you think
you're going to bag yourself a man?
67
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,719
South Manchester Befrienders,
we're listening.
68
00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:58,879
Not a problem, you can ring us
any time. Bye-bye.
69
00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:00,759
Yes, course you can.
70
00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:02,759
'It'll be my second baby.'
71
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:03,799
And how old are you?
72
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:05,959
'I'm 18 next week.'
73
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:08,559
PHONE RINGS
74
00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:10,119
Hello.'Hello?
75
00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:13,559
'I don't think I can carry on...'
76
00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,759
'Aye, and I'll be 60 next week.'
77
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,519
That sounds like you have
a lot on your plate.
78
00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:21,999
Why don't we meet up
and you can tell me more about it.
79
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,079
(MAN SCREAMS)
80
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:28,079
Look, it's always better to talk
about your problems face to face.
81
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,439
Oh, I live near there.
82
00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:43,439
Why don't we continue this
conversation over a cuppa?
83
00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:57,519
When's tea?
84
00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:01,519
I'll do it when I've finished
reading this.
85
00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:23,399
Look, you're three weeks behind
on your payments.
86
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,319
Look, I know you're in there.
87
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:29,319
I can hear your telly.
88
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:34,159
Shit!
89
00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:41,639
Get here, you...
90
00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:52,079
I'll get you!
91
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:10,959
You should go from happy hour
to happy day.
92
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,999
Are we getting married?
93
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:16,839
Libby, love...
94
00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:20,159
Everyone got pissed, there was a fight -
It's as good as a wedding.
95
00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:21,679
But we weren't blessed.
96
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:25,279
I've been blessed twice before,
it really doesn't help.
97
00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:27,799
It's not going to make
any difference, is it?
98
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:31,359
I already see you as me missus.
Karen, can I have another pint?
99
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:35,359
What do you...
100
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:38,039
You serious? That's all you took?
101
00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:40,959
Well, it's been a bit difficult,
you know, with Cilla and that.
102
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,199
When your dad was inside,
I ran the business
103
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:45,839
and looked after the lot of you
when you were kids.
104
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:48,119
You stuck us in the library all day.
105
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,039
Yeah.
106
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,199
We can't survive on what
we've got coming in.
107
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,439
Sort it.
I am.
108
00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,679
I'm trying to think of ways that
I can earn money
109
00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:01,679
and be at home with Cilla
at the same time, but...
110
00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,439
What you doing?
111
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:08,399
Avril's opened my eyes up to
the wonder of the interweb.
112
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,679
We're branching out.
113
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,999
Selling worn knickers.
114
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,239
It bleeding stinks!
115
00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,159
How'd you get it to
smell like actual piss?
116
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,319
It is actual piss.
117
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:23,279
I had to go and buy this because
I kept missing the bloody hole.
118
00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:26,959
Do you know what? I could do with
making a few bob off the internet.
119
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,399
You want to get into kids things,
seem to really sell well.
120
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:32,759
Sex -now that's something that
you'll always earn money from.
121
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:36,759
Credit cards. Find a way of getting hold of
people's details and you're onto a winner.
122
00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:51,359
That thing can come down.
123
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:52,959
What?
124
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:55,399
You said I'd have blood on my hands
if I didn't put it up.
125
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:56,479
Make your mind up.
126
00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:59,399
I've handed in my notice.
Waste of bloody time.
127
00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:02,359
Not been as fulfilling
as you'd hoped?
128
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:03,879
You could say that.
129
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:07,879
Maybe I've been a little hasty.
130
00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:14,039
Put it back!
131
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:20,679
Hey, you haven't paid for that!
132
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:25,639
What the fuck you doing!
133
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:29,639
You're no better than a rapist.
Encouraging men to objectify women.
134
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,999
Hear, hear!
135
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:34,159
What's your problem?
136
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:36,919
Some little scrote's been
mouthing off, going on at me
137
00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:38,079
to show him my tits.
138
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:39,279
He can get in the queue.
139
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:41,679
Might've guessed you'd be supportive
and understanding.
140
00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:43,319
You can't just shove 'em out
whenever it suits you.
141
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:44,639
What?
142
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:46,079
You're always giving blokes the
come-on when you're after something.
143
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,039
No, I'm not!
144
00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:52,039
So, do I get any discount?
145
00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:57,599
That's just me being friendly.
146
00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:00,919
I'm looking for investment
in my internet venture.
147
00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:04,919
In return, I'm prepared to offer
10% equity in the new business.
148
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:13,159
The type of ground-breaking website
I'm proposing
149
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:16,959
has very low expenditure
for extremely high returns.
150
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:20,719
It has the potential to produce
a constant revenue stream
151
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:27,559
and I project gross profits of
200,000 over a three-year period.
152
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:31,559
So, onto our target market.
153
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,719
Kiddie fiddlers.
154
00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:39,519
I propose to launch a child porn
website that won't actually
155
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:41,839
contain any sick pictures.
156
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:45,799
The home page will lure our consumer
to subscribe to what
157
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,519
they think will be jack-off heaven.
158
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,839
But while they're
waiting for the site to download,
159
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,799
we'll be ripping their
credit card details.
160
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,759
And by the time they've
discovered it's a scam,
161
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:57,359
we'll have run up the largest bill
that the nonces have ever seen.
162
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,919
And we'll actually be
doing society a favour,
163
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,279
because the website will
act as a deterrent.
164
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:06,279
You know, make them nervous about
subscribing to other pervy sites.
165
00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:10,559
So, any questions?
166
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:15,119
Yeah, just one major problem.
167
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,359
You forgot to mention
it's totally illegal
168
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:19,799
and that you could get sent down
if someone grassed.
169
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:23,799
Who's going to admit they've
joined a child porn website?
170
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:27,302
I'm in!
171
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:37,839
Loosen your tie a bit more.
172
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:41,839
He could do with looking younger.
173
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,519
Right, get up there.
174
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,199
What you doing?
175
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:52,199
Don't worry, you'll be able to
afford 20 new pairs.
176
00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:02,359
Finished!
177
00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:07,479
I now pronounce this website
open for business!
178
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,799
Yes!
179
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:10,679
What's going on?
180
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:11,719
We're going live!
181
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,999
Come and have a look!
182
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,999
Yeah!
183
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:52,039
Come on!
184
00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:56,039
Should've stuck a bag on his head.
185
00:11:56,720 --> 00:12:00,719
Sod this, I'm off to bed.
186
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:05,519
COMPUTER DINGS
187
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:12,039
Yes!
188
00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:16,039
You mean, there's a perv there now,
at the other end?
189
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,999
I'm going to find you and blow your
balls off, you sick fucker! Grrr!
190
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:27,999
Quick! Transfer the money
into our account.
191
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,599
What we going to buy?!
192
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,039
Book us a week in Alicante!
193
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:32,443
Ha-ha!
194
00:12:48,703 --> 00:12:52,702
(MOUTHS)
195
00:12:59,623 --> 00:13:03,262
Whoa! 'Kin' hell!
What you trying to do to me, woman?
196
00:13:03,263 --> 00:13:04,742
Oh.
197
00:13:04,743 --> 00:13:06,542
Must've bobbed off.
198
00:13:06,543 --> 00:13:07,822
What the hell you doing in that box?
199
00:13:07,823 --> 00:13:09,342
What the hell you doing in that box?
Checking what size it is.
200
00:13:09,343 --> 00:13:11,262
I'm flogging 'em.
201
00:13:11,263 --> 00:13:13,702
Earn 50 quid
for every one I shift.
202
00:13:13,703 --> 00:13:16,622
How the hell are you going to find
enough people on the cusp of death?
203
00:13:16,623 --> 00:13:17,942
Oh.
204
00:13:17,943 --> 00:13:18,982
PHONE RINGS
205
00:13:18,983 --> 00:13:21,742
What? What? What?
206
00:13:21,743 --> 00:13:23,062
Give it.
207
00:13:23,063 --> 00:13:25,022
G... Bastard.
208
00:13:25,023 --> 00:13:28,302
The helpline
are diverting calls here.
209
00:13:28,303 --> 00:13:31,502
I don't want to lose any business.
210
00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:37,022
Yes. I am sorry to hear
about your husband.
211
00:13:37,023 --> 00:13:41,022
I expect you're thinking
of following him to the other side.
212
00:13:46,503 --> 00:13:50,022
We can flog all this lot, and
I've transferred a stack of money.
213
00:13:50,023 --> 00:13:51,462
Become a right little
Richard Branson, hasn't he?
214
00:13:51,463 --> 00:13:52,742
Nice one, Micky.
215
00:13:52,743 --> 00:13:56,742
It needs to be manned 24/7, though,
so I've drawn up a little rota.
216
00:13:57,023 --> 00:14:01,022
Erm. There y'are.
217
00:14:04,143 --> 00:14:05,742
I've got school.
218
00:14:05,743 --> 00:14:08,222
Well, do you want to miss out
on any business?
219
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:10,302
I thought we could set up
a few more sites.
220
00:14:10,303 --> 00:14:13,542
Stick this on, I'll take some pics.
We can do this one next.
221
00:14:13,543 --> 00:14:17,062
No way.
222
00:14:17,063 --> 00:14:21,062
There y'are.
223
00:14:25,703 --> 00:14:29,142
Not forgetting you.
224
00:14:29,143 --> 00:14:30,462
What's this?!
225
00:14:30,463 --> 00:14:32,222
Your cut.
226
00:14:32,223 --> 00:14:33,542
You taking me for a mug?
227
00:14:33,543 --> 00:14:34,542
What's your problem?
228
00:14:34,543 --> 00:14:36,062
I want the same as yous lot.
229
00:14:36,063 --> 00:14:37,302
Well, you're not a Maguire.
230
00:14:37,303 --> 00:14:39,622
It's my photos
that've been pulling them in.
231
00:14:39,623 --> 00:14:42,742
Yeah, but it was my idea
in the first place.
232
00:14:42,743 --> 00:14:45,662
Well, find someone else
to stick this on.
233
00:14:45,663 --> 00:14:47,742
Fine. You're sacked.
234
00:14:47,743 --> 00:14:50,342
You can't sack me!
I'm a business partner.
235
00:14:50,343 --> 00:14:52,782
Employee. Probably for the best.
236
00:14:52,783 --> 00:14:56,782
Getting a bit too old
for this game.
237
00:15:08,623 --> 00:15:12,622
Why don't you take a picture?
Knobheads.
238
00:15:13,183 --> 00:15:15,782
The youth of today. So charming.
239
00:15:15,783 --> 00:15:18,782
Is that little prick
still gobbing off?
240
00:15:18,783 --> 00:15:22,782
No, it's all sorted.
241
00:15:23,343 --> 00:15:24,662
Do you fancy walking me to the bus?
242
00:15:24,663 --> 00:15:28,662
Yeah, sure.
243
00:15:34,743 --> 00:15:36,982
Do you want to go out one night?
Just you and me.
244
00:15:36,983 --> 00:15:38,542
Yeah, sure.
245
00:15:38,543 --> 00:15:40,702
When you free?
246
00:15:40,703 --> 00:15:42,102
What?
247
00:15:42,103 --> 00:15:43,822
To go out.
248
00:15:43,823 --> 00:15:47,822
Out where?
249
00:15:48,663 --> 00:15:52,662
Who's he? He's not the one
who's been mouthing off, is he?
250
00:15:53,063 --> 00:15:57,062
He looks about ten! Why are you
making such a big deal about it?
251
00:15:58,303 --> 00:16:01,622
That's why you wanted me
to walk you.
252
00:16:01,623 --> 00:16:04,382
Carl!
253
00:16:04,383 --> 00:16:08,382
Hey, love! Show us yer tits!
254
00:16:09,743 --> 00:16:13,702
Oh, there you are.
Can you lend us a...?
255
00:16:13,703 --> 00:16:16,862
Got them for our honeymoon.
256
00:16:16,863 --> 00:16:20,862
Ohh! Stick 'em on, then.
257
00:16:31,343 --> 00:16:34,862
Like what you see?
258
00:16:34,863 --> 00:16:38,862
And I can make these go faster
than helicopter blades.
259
00:16:46,703 --> 00:16:50,022
Well, you going to stick them on,
or what?
260
00:16:50,023 --> 00:16:52,822
On our wedding night or your funeral.
261
00:16:52,823 --> 00:16:56,102
Whichever comes first.
262
00:16:56,103 --> 00:16:58,462
Oh, come on, Lib.
You can't do this to a man!
263
00:16:58,463 --> 00:17:02,462
You know what you've got to do.
264
00:17:08,743 --> 00:17:12,742
What are you looking for?
265
00:17:12,863 --> 00:17:15,942
This.
266
00:17:15,943 --> 00:17:19,942
Just got to knock one out.
267
00:17:21,743 --> 00:17:23,582
Why don't you try that one?
268
00:17:23,583 --> 00:17:25,542
The solid walnut.
269
00:17:25,543 --> 00:17:27,022
If you don't want your family
to know you're a penniless alcoholic.
270
00:17:27,023 --> 00:17:28,702
'Kin' hell!
271
00:17:28,703 --> 00:17:32,702
PHONE RINGS
272
00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:37,342
South Manchester Befrienders.
273
00:17:41,863 --> 00:17:44,302
Can't we stick her on powder?
274
00:17:44,303 --> 00:17:47,142
This contraption's ripping
the bleeding nipples off me.
275
00:17:47,143 --> 00:17:51,142
No! It's been proven - kids raised
on breast milk are higher achievers.
276
00:17:52,743 --> 00:17:54,182
Still raking it in?
277
00:17:54,183 --> 00:17:58,182
No-one's subscribed for ages now.
278
00:17:59,663 --> 00:18:03,662
Pervs must be
tipping each other off.
279
00:18:07,183 --> 00:18:11,182
KNOCK ON DOOR
280
00:18:20,423 --> 00:18:22,742
Hi. I'm really...
281
00:18:22,743 --> 00:18:26,382
I'm sorry to bother you, Micky,
but you're my last resort.
282
00:18:26,383 --> 00:18:28,342
I'm really desperate.
283
00:18:28,343 --> 00:18:32,342
Would you be a gent and loan me the use
of your TV and lounge for five minutes?
284
00:18:37,343 --> 00:18:39,782
Yeah, yeah. Just passing that knob
I was telling you about.
285
00:18:39,783 --> 00:18:41,782
Telling 'em what?
286
00:18:41,783 --> 00:18:45,782
That we're about to take you
to the cleaners. Laters.
287
00:18:45,903 --> 00:18:47,382
Set up a website
with my mates from school.
288
00:18:47,383 --> 00:18:48,662
Micky...
289
00:18:48,663 --> 00:18:52,662
Pictures on there of all of us.
They can't get enough of it.
290
00:18:58,543 --> 00:19:00,942
Yeah, yeah.
The world's gone bloody mad.
291
00:19:00,943 --> 00:19:03,342
Never thought I'd live to see
the day a pair of poofs
292
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:04,782
could mince down the aisle together.
293
00:19:04,783 --> 00:19:06,182
'They've no shame.'
294
00:19:06,183 --> 00:19:09,902
I've heard they even use
penis-shaped confetti.
295
00:19:09,903 --> 00:19:11,862
'I'm better off out of it.'
296
00:19:11,863 --> 00:19:14,382
Time to shift on to the next life.
297
00:19:14,383 --> 00:19:17,742
Let's hope that place
isn't taken over by bloody Poles.
298
00:19:17,743 --> 00:19:20,982
So, you're contemplating suicide?
299
00:19:20,983 --> 00:19:24,982
No. In the middle
of actually doing it.
300
00:19:26,063 --> 00:19:30,062
Well, have you ever given
your funeral any thought?
301
00:19:31,863 --> 00:19:33,462
You must be Trevor.
302
00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:37,462
I didn't realise you were a cripple, or whatever
word it is I'm meant to use these days.
303
00:19:38,383 --> 00:19:42,302
Cripple's fine. Political correctness
has been this country's downfall.
304
00:19:42,303 --> 00:19:46,302
A woman after me own heart.
305
00:19:46,663 --> 00:19:50,422
Just had a three-mile bus journey
sat next to some window-licker.
306
00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:53,342
I don't know why we did away
with asylums.
307
00:19:53,343 --> 00:19:55,182
My thoughts exactly.
308
00:19:55,183 --> 00:19:57,262
Used to be a cracking day out.
309
00:19:57,263 --> 00:19:59,782
Would you like to try
the pine first?
310
00:19:59,783 --> 00:20:02,342
Stylish, yet affordable.
311
00:20:02,343 --> 00:20:06,342
Shoes!
Oh.
312
00:20:13,223 --> 00:20:16,182
How does it feel?
313
00:20:16,183 --> 00:20:18,302
The lining's making me itch.
314
00:20:18,303 --> 00:20:19,342
You'll be dead, you daft bugger.
315
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:22,262
Which is the most expensive?
316
00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:25,782
The less that thieving Government get
of mine when I'm gone, the better.
317
00:20:25,783 --> 00:20:27,262
That'll be the mahogany.
318
00:20:27,263 --> 00:20:29,622
So...live here alone?
319
00:20:29,623 --> 00:20:32,302
No!
320
00:20:32,303 --> 00:20:33,862
Oh.
Share with my daughter,
321
00:20:33,863 --> 00:20:37,502
and the rabble
she got herself involved with.
322
00:20:37,503 --> 00:20:38,902
No, er, husband?
323
00:20:38,903 --> 00:20:40,302
God, no!
324
00:20:40,303 --> 00:20:41,702
Ah.
325
00:20:41,703 --> 00:20:43,502
Once bitten...
326
00:20:43,503 --> 00:20:44,862
Which one would you like
to be buried in?
327
00:20:44,863 --> 00:20:48,542
Well...I guess the mahogany.
328
00:20:48,543 --> 00:20:51,662
Oozes class.
329
00:20:54,103 --> 00:20:58,102
We must celebrate.
330
00:21:00,863 --> 00:21:04,862
Where's the stepladders?
331
00:21:09,263 --> 00:21:11,862
Oh, my God - look at that!
332
00:21:11,863 --> 00:21:14,142
No way, look.
Here's one of me in Blackpool.
333
00:21:14,143 --> 00:21:16,822
Who'd have thought
you'd grow up to be such a hunk?
334
00:21:16,823 --> 00:21:20,822
Ah, check out our Jamie
with his dodgy hair!
335
00:21:21,103 --> 00:21:25,102
Perfect. Give it here.
336
00:21:33,023 --> 00:21:37,022
Those pubic hair-dodgers
won't be able to resist you.
337
00:21:41,463 --> 00:21:42,542
Who's idea was that?
338
00:21:42,543 --> 00:21:43,942
Who's idea was that?
Um...
339
00:21:43,943 --> 00:21:47,942
Mine.
340
00:21:48,823 --> 00:21:52,822
Fucking genius!
341
00:21:56,623 --> 00:22:00,342
No, you don't!
342
00:22:00,343 --> 00:22:01,902
Trevor.
343
00:22:01,903 --> 00:22:05,302
I assumed he was a burglar.
344
00:22:05,303 --> 00:22:08,102
See why I don't want
my daughter to marry him?
345
00:22:08,103 --> 00:22:10,862
Needs a bloody good haircut.
Scruffy bugger.
346
00:22:10,863 --> 00:22:14,902
What's she doing with him?
Oh, scared of being alone.
347
00:22:14,903 --> 00:22:18,262
Aren't we all?
I suppose.
348
00:22:18,263 --> 00:22:21,142
If you've got the opportunity
to be with someone,
349
00:22:21,143 --> 00:22:25,142
you should grab it with both hands.
350
00:22:27,623 --> 00:22:31,622
We're supposed to be
celebrating your purchase.
351
00:22:38,943 --> 00:22:41,982
Ah.
352
00:22:41,983 --> 00:22:45,982
Here's to being six feet under.
353
00:22:47,583 --> 00:22:50,302
Oh, it hasn't stopped.
They're mad for us.
354
00:22:50,303 --> 00:22:54,142
It's obviously me that's pulling
'em in, innit? Look - cute as fuck.
355
00:22:54,143 --> 00:22:56,862
Nah,
I reckon it's me they're after.
356
00:22:56,863 --> 00:22:57,862
I mean, who could resist
that little smile?
357
00:22:57,863 --> 00:23:01,262
I'm getting trading standards
onto you.
358
00:23:01,263 --> 00:23:02,302
Do you mind knocking?
359
00:23:02,303 --> 00:23:05,382
Those photos are ancient.
You're a load of fat cunts now.
360
00:23:05,383 --> 00:23:07,342
I am not fat!
361
00:23:07,343 --> 00:23:08,222
You nicked all my business.
362
00:23:08,223 --> 00:23:12,222
And?
363
00:23:16,223 --> 00:23:20,222
Bollocks!
364
00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:28,471
Morning.
365
00:23:28,472 --> 00:23:30,151
Oh!
366
00:23:30,152 --> 00:23:31,791
Couldn't wait to see you.
367
00:23:31,792 --> 00:23:33,631
How did you get in?
368
00:23:33,632 --> 00:23:36,631
Kitchen window was open.
369
00:23:36,632 --> 00:23:38,031
How long've you been there?
370
00:23:38,032 --> 00:23:39,351
Since three.
371
00:23:39,352 --> 00:23:41,671
Couldn't sleep.
372
00:23:41,672 --> 00:23:43,551
Fancy a morning out?
373
00:23:43,552 --> 00:23:47,551
Well...
374
00:23:47,672 --> 00:23:49,111
Ooh..
375
00:23:49,112 --> 00:23:53,111
♪ Raindrops keep falling on my head
376
00:23:53,472 --> 00:23:57,471
♪ Just like the guy whose feet
are too big for his bed
377
00:23:57,872 --> 00:23:59,911
♪ Nothing seems to fit
378
00:23:59,912 --> 00:24:03,911
♪ Those raindrops are
falling on my head
379
00:24:03,952 --> 00:24:06,111
♪ They keep falling
380
00:24:06,112 --> 00:24:10,111
♪ So I just did me some
talking to the sun
381
00:24:11,672 --> 00:24:15,671
♪ And I said I didn't like
the way he got things done
382
00:24:16,552 --> 00:24:18,951
♪ Sleeping on the job
383
00:24:18,952 --> 00:24:22,391
♪ Those raindrops are
falling on my head
384
00:24:22,392 --> 00:24:24,031
♪ They keep falling
385
00:24:24,032 --> 00:24:28,031
♪ But there's one thing I know
386
00:24:29,552 --> 00:24:33,191
♪ The blues they send
to meet me won't... ♪
387
00:24:33,192 --> 00:24:36,591
It's so nice to have someone
to do things with.
388
00:24:36,592 --> 00:24:39,311
Usually I have to bride...
389
00:24:39,312 --> 00:24:43,311
bribe, people to push me places.
390
00:24:46,152 --> 00:24:49,071
We're a long time dead.
391
00:24:49,072 --> 00:24:53,071
We should be living life
to the full....taking risks.
392
00:24:55,432 --> 00:24:58,951
There's no need for either of us
393
00:24:58,952 --> 00:25:02,951
ever to be lonely again.
394
00:25:04,312 --> 00:25:08,231
Would you do me the honour of...
395
00:25:08,232 --> 00:25:11,511
..dying with me.
396
00:25:11,512 --> 00:25:12,791
What?!
397
00:25:12,792 --> 00:25:16,791
A suicide pact. It's perfect.
If we let nature take its course,
398
00:25:18,232 --> 00:25:22,231
one of us will be left on this earth
alone for months, maybe even years.
399
00:25:22,592 --> 00:25:25,711
Killing ourselves at the same time
400
00:25:25,712 --> 00:25:28,231
guarantees we leave
exactly the same time.
401
00:25:28,232 --> 00:25:29,831
I'm not ready to die.
402
00:25:29,832 --> 00:25:33,831
Oh, I don't mean now,
we'll get married first.
403
00:25:34,712 --> 00:25:36,591
You want to marry me?
404
00:25:36,592 --> 00:25:40,591
Of course.
Do you want to marry me?
405
00:25:41,352 --> 00:25:42,391
Yes.
406
00:25:42,392 --> 00:25:45,391
Good, I've been in touch
with the registry office,
407
00:25:45,392 --> 00:25:48,271
they've got a cancellation.
This afternoon.
408
00:25:48,272 --> 00:25:50,791
This afternoon?!
409
00:25:50,792 --> 00:25:53,591
Isn't...
Isn't it a bit quick?
410
00:25:53,592 --> 00:25:55,711
Why delay something
that's inevitable.
411
00:25:55,712 --> 00:25:59,711
I knew I wanted you to be my wife
the moment I set eyes on you.
412
00:26:15,912 --> 00:26:19,911
Hiya.
413
00:26:20,752 --> 00:26:24,751
Show us yer tits!
414
00:26:35,392 --> 00:26:36,991
Didn't know it was Halloween.
415
00:26:36,992 --> 00:26:39,911
It's to stop guys just seeing me
416
00:26:39,912 --> 00:26:43,911
as an instrument for
their sexual pleasure.
417
00:26:50,072 --> 00:26:51,591
It's working.
418
00:26:51,592 --> 00:26:53,271
What's he done now?
419
00:26:53,272 --> 00:26:57,071
He just doesn't seem that
bothered about getting married.
420
00:26:57,072 --> 00:26:58,471
What man is?
421
00:26:58,472 --> 00:27:02,471
They know that's when
the blow jobs are going to stop.
422
00:27:04,752 --> 00:27:07,391
Aren't you going to congratulate us.
423
00:27:07,392 --> 00:27:09,151
Married!
424
00:27:09,152 --> 00:27:11,231
I'm moving in to Trevor's.
425
00:27:11,232 --> 00:27:13,431
You're not pregnant are you?
426
00:27:13,432 --> 00:27:15,391
All a bit quick in't it?
427
00:27:15,392 --> 00:27:16,911
What would you like dear?
428
00:27:16,912 --> 00:27:19,911
Dubonnet.
429
00:27:19,912 --> 00:27:21,551
Dubonnet and a lemonade please.
430
00:27:21,552 --> 00:27:22,591
OK.
431
00:27:22,592 --> 00:27:25,551
He's railroaded you
into this, hasn't he?
432
00:27:25,552 --> 00:27:27,351
Yes. And I'm glad he did.
433
00:27:27,352 --> 00:27:29,151
I haven't felt this alive in years.
434
00:27:29,152 --> 00:27:30,671
It's ridiculous.
435
00:27:30,672 --> 00:27:34,231
You're just jealous. I've found
a man who actually wants to commit.
436
00:27:34,232 --> 00:27:37,111
Congratulations!
Who would've thought your own mum
437
00:27:37,112 --> 00:27:41,111
would beat you down the aisle.
438
00:28:09,832 --> 00:28:13,351
♪ Change my pitch up
Smack my bitch up...
439
00:28:13,352 --> 00:28:15,751
What are you doing,
you fucking fat lesbian?
440
00:28:15,752 --> 00:28:18,271
♪ Change my pitch up
Smack my bitch up...
441
00:28:18,272 --> 00:28:21,951
Oh, shit,
what are you fucking doing? Oh!
442
00:28:21,952 --> 00:28:25,951
♪ Change my pitch up
Smack my bitch up
443
00:28:30,952 --> 00:28:32,751
Get off me!
444
00:28:32,752 --> 00:28:36,751
Come here, you...
445
00:28:47,592 --> 00:28:49,871
BANGING AT DOOR
446
00:28:49,872 --> 00:28:50,791
PC World!
447
00:28:50,792 --> 00:28:54,791
Laptop, took it to be repaired.
448
00:28:56,872 --> 00:29:00,191
Police Constable World.
449
00:29:00,192 --> 00:29:01,191
What's going on?!
450
00:29:01,192 --> 00:29:02,791
You're all under arrest
451
00:29:02,792 --> 00:29:06,791
for manufacturing and
distributing child pornography.
452
00:29:10,432 --> 00:29:12,391
I better start packing.
453
00:29:12,392 --> 00:29:15,351
I think we're forgetting something.
454
00:29:15,352 --> 00:29:19,351
We need to consummate the marriage.
455
00:29:32,112 --> 00:29:36,111
(GASPS)
456
00:29:36,792 --> 00:29:39,991
You can't keep us
locked up any longer!
457
00:29:39,992 --> 00:29:43,551
Got a young baby I need to feed.
458
00:29:43,552 --> 00:29:45,951
I think they can see that.
459
00:29:45,952 --> 00:29:49,951
Your udders need a wipe.
460
00:29:51,992 --> 00:29:54,231
Why the fuck didn't you
delete everything first!?
461
00:29:54,232 --> 00:29:57,271
I couldn't, it wouldn't turn on.
462
00:29:57,272 --> 00:29:59,511
D'you even realise the shit
you've got us in?!
463
00:29:59,512 --> 00:30:01,951
Everything'll be fine.
464
00:30:01,952 --> 00:30:03,071
We're being done for kiddie porn.
465
00:30:03,072 --> 00:30:05,031
D'you know how long we could get?!
466
00:30:05,032 --> 00:30:07,991
I won't be around to see my
little princess growing up.
467
00:30:07,992 --> 00:30:10,871
They'll soon realise there's
no sick pictures on there.
468
00:30:10,872 --> 00:30:12,431
I've had to leave Carl in charge.
469
00:30:12,432 --> 00:30:15,751
He'll cope,
good head on his shoulders.
470
00:30:15,752 --> 00:30:17,791
Micky, he's a Gallagher.
471
00:30:17,792 --> 00:30:19,231
We'll lose the business.
472
00:30:19,232 --> 00:30:19,871
And the house.
473
00:30:19,872 --> 00:30:20,871
And Cilla.
474
00:30:20,872 --> 00:30:22,231
What?
475
00:30:22,232 --> 00:30:24,951
Well, they're bound to get
social services involved.
476
00:30:24,952 --> 00:30:28,391
Look, all I wanted was to make
sure I was around for Cilla.
477
00:30:28,392 --> 00:30:30,271
I'm not having her
playing second fiddle
478
00:30:30,272 --> 00:30:31,391
to the business like us lot did.
479
00:30:31,392 --> 00:30:33,911
Me and your dad were
always there for you.
480
00:30:33,912 --> 00:30:37,231
You might've been there physically.
481
00:30:37,232 --> 00:30:41,231
I wrote a story for school once,
I was dead proud of it.
482
00:30:41,672 --> 00:30:45,671
You said you'd read it once
you'd done the cashing up.
483
00:30:46,232 --> 00:30:50,231
I sat there all night
waiting for you to finish.
484
00:30:50,952 --> 00:30:52,751
You were too busy in the morning.
485
00:30:52,752 --> 00:30:56,511
I had to hand it in that day.
486
00:30:56,512 --> 00:31:00,511
Well, I'm going to read
every single story Cilla writes.
487
00:31:02,032 --> 00:31:04,391
I'm going to make sure
she has a good future.
488
00:31:04,392 --> 00:31:08,151
I don't want her turning out like me.
489
00:31:08,152 --> 00:31:11,191
Now, they've got nothing on us,
490
00:31:11,192 --> 00:31:15,191
and we'll be walking out of here
in no time.
491
00:31:29,432 --> 00:31:31,671
Show us yer tits!
492
00:31:31,672 --> 00:31:35,071
Ha! Nice!
493
00:31:35,072 --> 00:31:38,071
Ah!
494
00:31:38,072 --> 00:31:42,071
Ah! My leg!
495
00:32:08,312 --> 00:32:12,311
What the fuck are
you dreaming about?
496
00:32:16,912 --> 00:32:18,951
Can't remember.
497
00:32:18,952 --> 00:32:20,791
What's happening?
498
00:32:20,792 --> 00:32:23,591
Child pornography charges
have been dropped.
499
00:32:23,592 --> 00:32:25,391
I fucking told you!
500
00:32:25,392 --> 00:32:29,391
We've been charged with fraud.
501
00:32:36,632 --> 00:32:37,671
What you doing?
502
00:32:37,672 --> 00:32:40,511
I thought a solicitor might help,
being as I'm about
503
00:32:40,512 --> 00:32:43,871
to be sent down till
my pubes have turned grey!
504
00:32:43,872 --> 00:32:46,351
The hearing's this afternoon!
505
00:32:46,352 --> 00:32:48,351
Hello?
506
00:33:00,765 --> 00:33:02,964
Ah...
507
00:33:02,965 --> 00:33:04,444
Ah, morning.
508
00:33:04,445 --> 00:33:08,444
Well, morning.
509
00:33:08,525 --> 00:33:12,524
You OK?
510
00:33:12,725 --> 00:33:16,724
Still a little shell shocked.
511
00:33:18,365 --> 00:33:22,364
Libby's father left me with nothing,
even took the rent money.
512
00:33:22,885 --> 00:33:26,884
I told myself I'd never trust
another man as long as I lived.
513
00:33:27,645 --> 00:33:31,644
Glad you did.
514
00:33:32,005 --> 00:33:36,004
You're the first man to hold me
since he legged it.
515
00:33:39,365 --> 00:33:42,244
I've realised....
516
00:33:42,245 --> 00:33:46,244
I've just existed
these past 40 years.
517
00:33:55,045 --> 00:33:59,044
(FARTS)
518
00:34:09,281 --> 00:34:13,160
This is fascinating. It's all
about that ancient Mayan calendar.
519
00:34:13,161 --> 00:34:16,440
They reckon it ends on
the 21st December 2012.
520
00:34:16,441 --> 00:34:19,760
Apparently, the sun will
rise to a unique point and
521
00:34:19,761 --> 00:34:22,040
that'll be the end of the world.
522
00:34:22,041 --> 00:34:26,040
In that case we don't have to
worry about our livers then, do we?
523
00:34:28,001 --> 00:34:31,800
Look who I
found asleep in the garden shed.
524
00:34:31,801 --> 00:34:34,440
He didn't even notice
you weren't at home?
525
00:34:34,441 --> 00:34:38,440
I could pack my bags and
leave, he wouldn't notice.
526
00:34:39,041 --> 00:34:41,440
Ohh... Glass of water please, Karen.
527
00:34:41,441 --> 00:34:45,440
We're off.
528
00:34:46,721 --> 00:34:48,000
Ah, thank you.
529
00:34:48,001 --> 00:34:49,120
Oi, look after her.
530
00:34:49,121 --> 00:34:53,120
Oh, yeah, I will.
531
00:34:53,241 --> 00:34:57,240
In case you miss us.
532
00:34:57,561 --> 00:34:59,960
You shouldn't have.
533
00:34:59,961 --> 00:35:03,960
Are you all right?
534
00:35:09,081 --> 00:35:11,280
PHONE RINGS
535
00:35:11,281 --> 00:35:13,080
Bye then.
536
00:35:13,081 --> 00:35:14,960
See you in a bit, Patty.
537
00:35:14,961 --> 00:35:18,080
Yeah.
Right, thanks.
538
00:35:18,081 --> 00:35:20,800
They've arrived at court.
I should be there.
539
00:35:20,801 --> 00:35:22,680
I'll cover.
540
00:35:22,681 --> 00:35:26,680
Make up for trashing
the place last night.
541
00:35:27,281 --> 00:35:31,280
Karen, your family need you.
542
00:35:32,041 --> 00:35:36,040
Carl.
543
00:35:37,841 --> 00:35:38,520
Nah, no way.
544
00:35:38,521 --> 00:35:42,520
It's in your job description.
545
00:35:44,761 --> 00:35:47,720
Er... Carl?
546
00:35:47,721 --> 00:35:50,640
I could give you a hand, love.
547
00:35:50,641 --> 00:35:54,640
No, thanks. I don't want
all the stock going missing.
548
00:36:04,561 --> 00:36:06,720
Libby Croker, will you marry me?
549
00:36:06,721 --> 00:36:07,760
Oh, get up, Frank.
550
00:36:07,761 --> 00:36:09,320
You're only saying it because
I've been nagging you all week.
551
00:36:09,321 --> 00:36:10,520
No!
552
00:36:10,521 --> 00:36:13,400
I'm saying it because I
want you to be me wife.
553
00:36:13,401 --> 00:36:17,400
Then why don't you
do anything about it?
554
00:36:18,601 --> 00:36:22,600
I wanted it to be a surprise.
555
00:36:22,921 --> 00:36:25,760
What? Have you planned the wedding?
556
00:36:25,761 --> 00:36:28,320
Oi, anyone serving or what?
557
00:36:28,321 --> 00:36:31,960
John, John. We're having a
private conversation. Do you mind?
558
00:36:31,961 --> 00:36:33,800
So what do you say?
559
00:36:33,801 --> 00:36:35,400
Yes!
560
00:36:35,401 --> 00:36:38,560
When is it?
561
00:36:38,561 --> 00:36:42,320
They reckon
it ends on the 21st December 2012.
562
00:36:42,321 --> 00:36:46,320
22nd of December. 2012.
563
00:36:46,561 --> 00:36:48,760
That's ages away.
564
00:36:48,761 --> 00:36:51,640
Yeah, but gives us a chance to
565
00:36:51,641 --> 00:36:53,760
save up for a decent honeymoon.
566
00:36:53,761 --> 00:36:57,760
Abroad, like.
I want to do it properly this time.
567
00:36:57,801 --> 00:37:01,800
Now, let me assist the future
Mrs Gallagher in the distribution
568
00:37:02,001 --> 00:37:03,760
of alcoholic beverages.
569
00:37:03,761 --> 00:37:05,560
No, you're all right. I can cope.
570
00:37:05,561 --> 00:37:07,480
Libby, Libby...
571
00:37:07,481 --> 00:37:10,480
You're going to be me wife.
572
00:37:10,481 --> 00:37:12,880
We're a team. A partnership.
573
00:37:12,881 --> 00:37:16,880
We need to start
as we mean to go on.
574
00:37:18,601 --> 00:37:22,160
Do you, erm, want a drink?
575
00:37:22,161 --> 00:37:26,160
Nah, I'm all right.
576
00:37:30,881 --> 00:37:34,240
I owe you an apology.
577
00:37:34,241 --> 00:37:36,080
You were right.
578
00:37:36,081 --> 00:37:39,720
I was overreacting.
579
00:37:39,721 --> 00:37:42,920
Do you want me to have a word with
the prick?
580
00:37:42,921 --> 00:37:46,920
It's OK, it's all sorted.
I reckon he's learnt his lesson.
581
00:37:48,521 --> 00:37:52,520
Oi. Show us yer tits!
582
00:37:54,881 --> 00:37:58,880
Aaaaah! Aaah shit!
583
00:37:58,961 --> 00:38:02,960
You bitch!
584
00:38:04,161 --> 00:38:08,160
And what do the defence have to say?
585
00:38:08,601 --> 00:38:12,600
Your honour!
586
00:38:13,881 --> 00:38:17,880
My family and I have become
the victims in all of this.
587
00:38:19,161 --> 00:38:22,160
The finger of guilt
was immediately pointed.
588
00:38:22,161 --> 00:38:24,280
We're completely innocent.
589
00:38:24,281 --> 00:38:28,280
You'd have to be fuckin' Rambo to
touch up any of the kids round here.
590
00:38:29,161 --> 00:38:32,760
I'm sorry. Apologies for
blaspheming, your honour.
591
00:38:32,761 --> 00:38:34,680
But the country's gone mad.
592
00:38:34,681 --> 00:38:37,640
Kiddie fiddling's become
a national obsession.
593
00:38:37,641 --> 00:38:39,720
I couldn't even take a photograph
594
00:38:39,721 --> 00:38:43,680
of me mate's little nephew
as a shepherd in his nativity play.
595
00:38:43,681 --> 00:38:46,000
I mean, what are people scared of?
596
00:38:46,001 --> 00:38:47,960
That some pervert will get
a stiffy
597
00:38:47,961 --> 00:38:51,120
looking at him with a tea towel
shoved on his head?
598
00:38:51,121 --> 00:38:54,080
Don't get me wrong - I want
to see proper paedos strung up.
599
00:38:54,081 --> 00:38:58,080
You know, the ones who get stuck in
before there's grass on the pitch.
600
00:38:58,361 --> 00:39:01,320
But well, you can't always be
100% sure they're legal, can you?
601
00:39:01,321 --> 00:39:04,520
Anyway, most 15-year-olds
enjoy a good shafting.
602
00:39:04,521 --> 00:39:07,680
The hormones are raging.
We targeted nonces
603
00:39:07,681 --> 00:39:10,800
in an effort to ensure that
they wouldn't have money left
604
00:39:10,801 --> 00:39:14,800
for sweets or puppies, or whatever
they use to get their end away.
605
00:39:15,321 --> 00:39:18,360
But when they barged
in our home yesterday,
606
00:39:18,361 --> 00:39:21,920
we were thrown into a nightmare.
607
00:39:21,921 --> 00:39:25,920
We're the heroes in all of this,
not the villains.
608
00:39:30,121 --> 00:39:34,120
Thank you.
609
00:39:37,001 --> 00:39:40,400
Case dismissed.
610
00:39:40,401 --> 00:39:43,160
Who's a clever boy then, Mickey?
611
00:39:43,161 --> 00:39:44,760
Wrong date on warrant.
612
00:39:44,761 --> 00:39:48,760
Improper police paperwork.
613
00:39:51,281 --> 00:39:52,720
This is the living room.
614
00:39:52,721 --> 00:39:56,720
Aha.
615
00:40:00,721 --> 00:40:02,120
Do you watch Corrie?
616
00:40:02,121 --> 00:40:03,160
Of course.
617
00:40:03,161 --> 00:40:04,360
Good.
618
00:40:04,361 --> 00:40:08,360
Could've been the
shortest marriage in history.
619
00:40:18,281 --> 00:40:22,280
There.
620
00:40:23,481 --> 00:40:24,840
I'd better unpack.
621
00:40:24,841 --> 00:40:26,440
Ah, that can wait.
622
00:40:26,441 --> 00:40:29,840
I've a little surprise.
623
00:40:29,841 --> 00:40:32,360
I suppose you could call it
624
00:40:32,361 --> 00:40:36,360
a wedding present.
625
00:40:42,561 --> 00:40:46,240
This one's for you. The mahogany.
626
00:40:46,241 --> 00:40:47,760
I bought mine years ago.
627
00:40:47,761 --> 00:40:49,800
Well, I...!
628
00:40:49,801 --> 00:40:53,800
I'm not going to pass those
things every time I come in.
629
00:40:54,081 --> 00:40:55,960
You can shift them in the spare room.
630
00:40:55,961 --> 00:40:59,960
No need for that.
631
00:41:11,081 --> 00:41:12,600
Go on.
632
00:41:12,601 --> 00:41:16,600
Surprise me.
633
00:41:22,521 --> 00:41:26,520
I didn't realise you...
634
00:41:28,401 --> 00:41:29,840
Am I not enough to live for?
635
00:41:29,841 --> 00:41:32,240
Oh, Patty.
636
00:41:32,241 --> 00:41:35,520
I thought you'd change your mind once
we were married.
637
00:41:35,521 --> 00:41:37,440
I thought you'd want to be with me.
638
00:41:37,441 --> 00:41:38,800
Oh, believe me, I do!
639
00:41:38,801 --> 00:41:42,800
That's why I still want
you to come with me.
640
00:41:46,281 --> 00:41:50,280
We could have a good life!
641
00:41:50,761 --> 00:41:54,760
You only feel like this because
you've been on your own so long.
642
00:41:56,321 --> 00:41:59,320
Once you have
people round you, people
643
00:41:59,321 --> 00:42:01,960
who need you, everything changes.
644
00:42:01,961 --> 00:42:04,760
Patty! I've been ringing
your helpline for years.
645
00:42:04,761 --> 00:42:06,040
I know, I know!
646
00:42:06,041 --> 00:42:08,080
It's only a matter of time.
647
00:42:08,081 --> 00:42:09,400
Yes, but not today.
648
00:42:09,401 --> 00:42:11,240
Your daughter has her own life now.
649
00:42:11,241 --> 00:42:15,240
You wouldn't want to die alone
in some grotty nursing home.
650
00:42:16,641 --> 00:42:20,640
No, but...
651
00:42:23,721 --> 00:42:27,240
Come with me, Patty.
652
00:42:27,241 --> 00:42:31,240
Today.
653
00:42:35,841 --> 00:42:39,840
You OK?
654
00:42:42,921 --> 00:42:46,920
Just see it as going away on our
honeymoon...that will last eternity.
655
00:42:54,281 --> 00:42:58,280
See you on the other side.
656
00:43:03,921 --> 00:43:05,600
Five...four...
657
00:43:05,601 --> 00:43:09,600
three...
658
00:43:09,681 --> 00:43:12,560
..two...
659
00:43:12,561 --> 00:43:14,240
..one.
660
00:43:14,241 --> 00:43:18,240
Ahh!
661
00:43:58,121 --> 00:43:59,520
I'm having a few problems.
662
00:43:59,521 --> 00:44:01,880
Not on the kitchen table, Carl!
663
00:44:01,881 --> 00:44:05,880
How d'you get that?
664
00:44:06,121 --> 00:44:08,160
Punter wouldn't pay
their instalment.
665
00:44:08,161 --> 00:44:11,360
Which one?
666
00:44:11,361 --> 00:44:13,680
Walker.
667
00:44:13,681 --> 00:44:14,920
Debbie Walker?
668
00:44:14,921 --> 00:44:17,240
A woman?
669
00:44:17,241 --> 00:44:18,680
Where are the babies?
670
00:44:18,681 --> 00:44:20,000
At the creche.
671
00:44:20,001 --> 00:44:24,000
What bleeding creche?
672
00:44:28,041 --> 00:44:30,640
What?!
673
00:44:30,641 --> 00:44:33,120
I'm taking you off the rounds, mate.
674
00:44:33,121 --> 00:44:35,120
You've got enough
on your plate here.
675
00:44:35,121 --> 00:44:38,560
I'll start helping
out with Cilla more.
676
00:44:38,561 --> 00:44:40,600
I'll do her night feeds. Mondays.
677
00:44:40,601 --> 00:44:43,720
Not on a bingo night.
678
00:44:43,721 --> 00:44:46,640
(MICKEY) 'We all end up with
some sort of baggage
679
00:44:46,641 --> 00:44:49,840
'but the thing that determines
whether you'll be carting round a
680
00:44:49,841 --> 00:44:53,640
'little Gucci or a fuck-off Samsonite
for the rest of your life,
681
00:44:53,641 --> 00:44:57,000
'it's all about how much is
invested in you as a nipper.
682
00:44:57,001 --> 00:45:01,000
'I may not be bringing
in any actual money...
683
00:45:01,721 --> 00:45:04,840
'..but what I do is priceless.
684
00:45:04,841 --> 00:45:08,720
'After all,
I'm busy creating the future.'
685
00:45:08,721 --> 00:45:10,568
When was the last time you slept?
686
00:45:10,568 --> 00:45:11,407
Last Tuesday.
687
00:45:11,408 --> 00:45:14,607
Oh, for fuck's sake.
688
00:45:14,608 --> 00:45:17,367
One in four people in this
country are mentally unstable.
689
00:45:17,368 --> 00:45:18,545
Will I get used to it?
690
00:45:18,545 --> 00:45:21,424
We'll have that place like a
palace by the time we finish.
691
00:45:21,425 --> 00:45:24,944
If your husband's out, I'll come
round and sort your pipes out.
692
00:45:24,945 --> 00:45:26,104
He's having an affair.
693
00:45:26,105 --> 00:45:27,744
What?!
694
00:45:27,745 --> 00:45:31,224
I want the pair of yous out my
house. You're not welcome.
695
00:45:31,225 --> 00:45:32,906
This is the devil's work!
696
00:45:33,106 --> 00:45:43,306
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www.addic7ed.com
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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