All language subtitles for Vanderpump Rules – S3E11

Previously on Vanderpump Rules.

I'm going to go to the bachelorette
party.

Good. That's what I want to hear.

Did it bother you that she's coming to
my bachelorette party? I didn't realize

she was. Once I feel betrayed, it's
done.

There's nothing good that could come out
of this trip. It's a ticking time bomb.

I don't think a bachelorette party would
be complete without some sort of

embarrassing game.

You must.

Attain a pair of men's underwear.

Sign a man's ass.

Motorboat a D.

Throw a drink in someone's face.

Let's be honest, this is a typical night
at Sir.

Tom and Ariana, I get it. You guys are
so perfect together.

Mom.

You can't say you're not a good person.

You're hard not to love. Was Jax trying
to hit on you again last night? I don't

know. He seemed sincere.

These sound like the preliminary stages
of getting Jax.

Jax. You definitely railed the shit out
of that girl in the bathroom. I did not.

We don't talk about what happened in
Miami.

I shouldn't have to ask you to lie for
me. Like, stop ratting us out.

You need coffee?

I need it like this.

Last night, but looking back at the
pictures, it looks like I got a lot of

checked off my list.

A lap dance.

Check.

Body shot.

Check.

Pictures with shirtless men.

Check, check, check.

I am planning on checking everything
else off my list. You know, do a bunch

raunchy sh**, not rocket science.

Morning sunshine.

Oh my god.

I actually feel okay.

I can't believe the boys bickered and
the girls didn't.

What happened?

Tom brought up the whole San Diego thing
and how, you know, Jack's breathing.

He did a railing. And then Jack got
frustrated and basically turned around

was like, oh, well, what happened in
Miami, Tom? Jesus.

Oh, my God. I smell.

Oh, my God.

I don't know about you, but I drink a
lot of alcohol.

What happened last night?

All right, let's go do our thing.

Jack, how could you?

You're not sleeping next to the veil
right now.

I feel like people give Jacks, like, a
hard time.

Okay. I don't know, he just seems like a
lovable idiot.

Like a lovable idiot.

If only that was it.

He's somebody that you just should be
cautious around. I've been warned a lot.

Good to go on the warnings.

Jacks and I have been flirting a lot,
and normally that's kind of how I am.

flirt with danger, you don't sleep with
danger.

There's times when I might cross the
line.

You never know. Time will tell.

This trip was awesome. No one's even
thought or anything.

It's crazy.

In Sheena's world, it's all unicorns and
penis straws. Even her and Katie are

getting along.

In my world, Kristen is doing everything
she possibly can to ruin my trip.

Weren't you seeing, like, giant, like,
earth -shattering eye rolls coming in

direction? She gave Ariana the dirtiest
looks ever today, for no reason, on the

boat. Ariana, I did catch those.

As much as I should tell Kristen, bitch,
go the f*** home.

I am not going to ruin Sheena's trip,
and also, I'm an adult.

I don't know how the hell I'm going to
wear heels again tonight.

See, why am I not sleeping with my
girlfriend?

It's not like you have sex anyway.

You've been having sex lately.

Oh, really? Yeah.

Even though me and Katie aren't sharing
a room together, we've been spending as

much time together as possible, and I
gotta say, it's awesome.

I know

it's putting

some strain on her and Stassi's
relationship, but you know what? If

like this can break that, then maybe
that relationship's not worth having in

first place, you know?

I've been texting Stassi, trying to
search for a sign of life, and she

been responding.

I get it, Stassi, that's how you treat
Sheena and Kristen, but it's not how you

treat me.

Hello. Hi.

What are you doing?

I'm hanging this.

This is the one you painted?

Yeah. So what's going on? Do you want a
cocktail?

Please? I made this by accident. I
thought of you. But, like, a little bit,

because I do have to work.

Your drink is ready.

It's hot in here.

I know.

I need to call the maintenance guy.

Do you mind if I do that right now?

Well, yeah, call.

Ricardo, it still is so freaking hot.

Like, and I wear a lot of makeup.

He just told me I should wear less
makeup. Wear less makeup?

Yeah.

I'm sweating all over the place. Like,
I've never had so much sweat under my

boobs in, like, my entire life.

Okay, Ricardo.

Bye.

That was annoying.

He said you can't come until next week.

Yeah, yes, and drink ice water.

It's so hot that, like, I almost would
rather be in Miami sipping a margarita

the beach.

With Sheena and all her friends
celebrating her. Yeah, you're right. So,

rather be here. Here, in this
apartment's wedding. Wedding.

She's probably wearing those, like,
bachelorette crowns. Bride -to -be.

Tutus or some shit like that. All white.

I'm having, like, a premonition of
dildos.

I know. She's trying to make me lick
this. Is it candy?

Yeah. Ow!

Don't slap my face with a penis!

That sounds like such an awful
bachelorette. Yeah.

I can't believe Katie's there partying
with them.

The only thing that makes sense to me is
because she's there for short. So it's

like if after this he's going to keep
being friends with Sheena and she's

to continue like this. Of course it will
continue because she just did this.

This is a big step.

It was really hard finding out that
Katie went to Miami.

We've been a team. Like we're a team.

And she switched to the other side.

Like what happened?

I'll be fine though.

I know you will.

I have to get ready for work. Can I
change here in this bathroom?

No. I'm going to. I know. Thank you.

Yo,

John.

What's up, man?

How you doing, dude? Good to see you,
man.

Great, man. It's been forever. It has
been.

John was a model scout and kind of a man
about town during the two years that me

and Jax lived in Miami together.

Who was Jax? Sleeping?

Yeah. Yeah, he... Standard. Yeah.

Jax, known as Jason then, drove John's
car, he lived with him, and just

generally allowed this older, more
established guy to completely hook him

So, obviously, rumors got started.

But dude, you should come to dinner with
us tonight, man. Do you know where

you're going?

We're going to Dolce.

Nice place. Good place.

Yeah. I'm in.

Nice. I've kept in contact with John
over the past 10 years, but I know Jax

him had a falling out. Dude, good
meeting you, man. I'll see you tonight?

Yeah, definitely.

Okay, bye. So tonight is going to be
quite the reunion.

Do you want some champagne?

Yeah.

Everyone has to use penis straw.

Yeah.

And it matches your lipstick. So first
we have a game where you will make a

wedding dress out of toilet paper. And
then we'll see who has the best one.

Okay.

Put your hair down. You got it? You
holding it? Uh -huh. Hello.

Hey, you're late. So now you're judging.

I know I didn't mean to be late, but I
might have been having sex and doing

tequila shots. Oh, that.

Okay. Kristen comes in 40 minutes late.

She just f***ed.

She reeks of tequila.

And now I get to smile and wrap myself
up in toilet paper.

They're going to pick the best one.

Ours. We're going to lose.

I mean, number one, you're the bride.
Number two, you're the maid of honor.

Number three, you're like making things
happen.

What's the real number three?

I think light.

Vera Wang could walk in here with a
toilet paper dress for Ariana, and

would still win.

Who is she marrying?

I made her do it.

Oh, I'm going to vomit.

Do we have rice I can throw at her?

Is this the calm before the third storm
since we've been here?

It's pretty much how I feel.

It's time. Time's up, ladies.

Ready?

Okay, go.

Strike it.

Ew, and it's jiggling.

Yeah. Okay, you win.

Yay!

Ariana! I want to see Ariana.

Yes!

It's a dick bouquet. It's a dick
bouquet.

Sounds about right.

I say we get down to carving some dicks.

Are knives involved?

Are you sure you want me, champagne,
knives, and that one here? Probably not

good idea.

Coming up. I'm just, like, crying by
myself because I feel like I'm ruining

This is amazing.

Did you get a lap dance?

Did you?

They force me.

Did you enjoy it?

No. Okay. Of course not.

I just want to enjoy it.

What would you like to

see? Yeah.

You know what?

I'm actually proud of myself.

That's nothing to be proud of.

No, it's not.

What's the longest you've ever gone
without sex?

Five days, maybe four days.

Are you... Maybe you have a sex
addiction.

Are you new to the group? Of course I
have a sex problem.

It's not a secret.

Okay.

Sorry, guys. Welcome to our group. I'm
Jacques. I'm Jacques.

If Jacques is a sex addict, anyone that
he has sex with is probably just a drug

to him. And then...

They're not really a person, and, like,
that's not really attractive to me at

all. I'm shocked he's not a porn star by
now. Look, he's thinking about it now.

I'm looking for something much more
meaningful. So, yeah, all the flirting

I've been doing with Jax is going to
stay flirting.

100%. Well, at least you're honest.

Is he honest?

So I need you to do an appetizer on
table one for me.

Hi!

Look who's here!

I'm here!

Oh, Jesus. Peter!

Let's throw a uniform on her and get her
to the table. She'll probably do a

better job than you're doing right now.
There is nothing that could ever make me

go and put on that black dress and go
serve chicken enchiladas to people ever

again. Can I have a drink?

No. Like, never again.

Yes, what are you doing here?

I'm trying to get her back to becoming a
server here. Oh, don't do it, please.

We're just fine.

I might be a little stretched right now
with some of the staff in Miami, but if

I brought Stassi back, I wouldn't just
get a server.

I would get a plate full of problems,
and I'm not that stretched.

Cheers. Yes.

I have some tables.

I'm going to go wash the floor.

I've been thinking all day.

I was remembering all the crazy tricks
that I used to have when I was working

here. I know you know about the mug.

That's an obvious one.

Put red sangria in there and it looks
like coffee.

Sometimes I would even be like, oh, I'm
just so cold.

You sound like you're so proud of this.
It's funny. It makes me laugh. It was

such good times.

Like, I used to have, like, a water
glass. And so I started filling it half

Pinot Grigio, half with club soda.

And then I'd put a lemon in it to make
it look like water. And I would walk

around and everyone thought that I was
just drinking sparkling water with

So really, you actually owe me money for
it. I do.

So next time you come in, you should
actually bring a trick for me.

But my finest trick.

Was it something to do with jacks? No.

It was miniature wine bottles.

And we would take them into the bathroom
and then hide them in... I have to show

you. Just come with me.

Come with me.

It's funny.

Is this just you or is this other
people?

I'm pretty sure this was just me, but I
shared them.

Okay. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, what?

Someone is still doing this. This is my
legacy.

This is what I brought to third.

I would like Darcy to find some other
things that she could be proud of

of a few wine bottles in the loo. I
mean, if this is really her crowning

it's kind of sad, really.

You know what we used to do when we used
to find wine bottles in there?

What did you do?

We used to pee in them.

You're disgusting.

This is why I can't let Kristen back in
my life. Kristen has now taken it over

the edge.

Oh,

there's a cat right there.

We're going to 17th and Collins.

Nice stuff from alone time.

I know.

Even if it's going to be brief.

I know.

My stomach hurts so bad.

Wow, what's going on?

My anxiety is so, has been so bad. I
haven't eaten anything in like three

I hear myself complaining and I hear
myself like not being into things. And

sucks because I'm here with people that
I love.

And, like, I want to be able to have a
good time, and I'm trying really hard

to be rude to Kristen and just, like,
she doesn't have to like me either.

It's just been really shitty, and, you
know, I don't cry.

Kristen's relentless, passive
-aggressive bulls will eventually get to

Well, like, I've been just, like, going
off by myself and, like, sitting in the

shower and just, like, crying by myself
because my...

My stomach hurts so bad all the time.
I'm just, like, waiting for whatever. I

don't know.

I think I just want it to be so great
for Sheena that, like, I

don't know. I'm, like, carrying it, you
know? And every time I get upset, I feel

like I'm ruining it. You're not ruining
it.

Thus far on this trip and in general,
I've been pretty cold to Kristen to make

sure she doesn't get the wrong idea.

I don't want to ruin your time either.

It's OK.

Being Ariana affected like this, I feel
like I need to change my tactic here

because this can't keep going on. I'm
going to be all right.

Oh, man.

Coming up.

I got some news.

I got some pictures.

What?

We'll be back in L .A.

Yeah.

I might actually be stoked to go back to
work.

Yes.

Bartending is so easy.

Oh, man.

Dude, I'm excited.

My friend John's coming to meet up with
us here at Dolce.

Yeah. You know him from here?

Yeah, yeah. From Miami? Yeah. He's a
really cool guy. He's like a concierge

for... A lot of wealthy people, but it's
just funny to hear them, like, talk

about Jax and refer to him as Jason.

When Jax left Miami, there was rumors
about, like, him and John were,

like, hooking up or something.

The guy that's coming here?

Yeah.

Do you think he would be honest about
that?

No. I mean, I got to say, there is
believability to this.

At least, because very quickly after
these rumors came out, Jason packed up

stuff, moved away, and changed his name
to Jax.

I mean, it's really none of my business
if anything did happen. I don't care if

he is or not.

Yeah.

I mean, either way, John's an awesome
dude. So, frankly, Jax would be lucky to

sleep with a guy like John. He's cool
as...

Is he going to get paid?

No, no, no, no, no.

Jax totally knows he's coming. I mean,
dude.

Jax knows he's coming?

Yeah. At this point, I believe Jax would
sleep with pretty much anything.

I mean, he slept with Kristen.

Watch, he's going to be calling him
Jason.

Little Jason Couchy. Little Jason
Couchy.

Funny.

I forgot my penis straws in the room, so
I might need to do a pit stop before

restroom. I know, those are essential.

I know. I need them. That's funny.

Hey, guys.

Yay!

Hi.

You made it.

We love you. First one last night, let's
make it a good one.

Hey guys,

I don't know if you know or not, my
friend John, he might stop by. How do

know him?

He's an old friend of ours from Miami.

Oh, he spoke to you guys? Yeah.

You know, I haven't really spoken to
John in probably 10 years.

The last time I saw him, we got in a
huge fight and ended on bad terms.

Can I see your picture? I don't know
which one I want to post.

Is he more like Jax or more like you?

Who? John? Oh, John?

Well, he's not like either of us. Yeah.
You'll see.

Really? There he is. Hey.

What's up, man?

Johnny. See you, dude.

So, hey, John, this is Sheena and Shay.

They're the soon -to -be husband and
wife.

This is Jax.

He doesn't know Jax. He knows Jason. He
only knows Jason.

Yeah.

Who's Jason?

He doesn't know me by name.

Wait, who is Jason?

So back in the day when I was younger,
John was a model scout.

And he placed me with my first agency.

Bring it in, Papa Bear.

How you doing, buddy?

Like my career. So, you know, I owe him
a lot.

You knew these cats from when they lived
in Miami?

My first roommate in Miami.

You lived with this hooligan?

No, I lived with him. He had a house. I
stayed in his room.

Oh, that's nice.

Good to see you, buddy.

Can I see some of your modeling photos?

I got some pictures.

I did some nudes.

He did nudes? Nude photos?

Yeah, I had one in his house. What?

So I'm kind of confused. How do they
have this relationship?

And why would Jax feel comfortable
giving his nude photos to John?

Attention whore.

Jax is an attention whore.

Do you have any questions for the
dessert menu so far?

Let's do the cobbler. Good choice.

Some ketchup, actually.

Ketchup, too.

Perfect. So what are you doing here,
Miss Stacey?

You miss it, don't you, Missy? I do.

You do. I love CERN.

I'll always love CERN. And Christina
said that it was a safe spot for me to

tonight, so I'll drop it. Well, you
should come back here and you shouldn't

worry who's here.

This was your home.

This was my home, but I'm moving on.

The only person you really have a
problem with here, really, apart from

Kristen, and I understand that. But the
rest of it... But, no.

Kristen had a problem with... She had a
problem with... Tom Sandoval had a

problem... Really? It doesn't mean you
have to kind of exclude them from your

life and cut a whole chapter out of your
life.

I'm choosing who I know is good for me,
who is good to be around me.

A lot of people out of your life. People
that are mean.

People that are mean to me. Casey's not
mean. She's hurt me, and our lives are

going in different directions.

Are we talking about her going to that
party?

We're talking about her going to Miami.
She's in Miami.

Are you talking about that? I'm hurt,
and I'm just so caught off guard.

Katie knows that if there's one way to
piss me off these days, it's to go hang

out with the people that f*** me over.

Although she has the prerogative to do
what she wants.

She's not following you. Of course she's
allowed to do what she wants to

do, but she hasn't spoken to me about
the fact that she's in Miami.

I understand that Starcy has a problem
with a lot of people in her life, but

Katie should not be one of them.

Katie has been a loyal and supportive
friend. In fact, Katie has been a much

better friend to Starcy than Starcy has
been to Katie.

Maybe you don't understand the fact that
she actually wanted to go to this party

and be with her boyfriend.

It's just like you went to New York to
be with your boyfriend.

James, how do you feel to be the only
guy at this table who Schwartz hasn't

kissed? He's kissed me, he's kissed him,
he's kissed him.

Do you want a kiss?

No, no, no, no.

Blokes don't kiss boys, bro. That's an
American thing, mate.

Everything's great.

Are you eating right now? I'm eating.

I love it.

Tom has said to me before he did not
throw his relationship in my face. So

the hell is this?

Kristen still got this resentment just
being around Tom and Ariana.

But it's like our sex is crazy. Our love
is crazy. We go crazy for each other.

Like it's only when they're around it
reminds her.

Sorry, I keep, like, you know, turning
my back.

But this area of the table seems very, I
don't know.

Even when, like, before you guys got
here, we're all

here together.

I'd rather, like, focus on the positive
and focus on all the good things

that are happening.

Being how much Ariana is putting up with
for the sake of her best friend makes

me wish that my best friend would just
put up with one thing. One.

Let's use this opportunity to give me
some dirt.

No, no, for real.

I have two words for you.

Bro code.

Bro code.

Rude bro code. Give me something good.

All right, well, drink up, honey. Drink
up.

Okay, now she's trying to, you know,
it's not going to happen.

I want to know the good stuff. I'm not
going to do anything bad with the

information. I'm just going to tease and
have fun with it. I want you to know

that she's trying to fly me with alcohol
to get stories.

Bro code.

Okay, all right.

I mean, what could they be hiding?

Coming up.

I thought we were going to spend the
rest of our lives together.

This is what I wanted.

You

know me,

take it off the rear.

Yeah, I've heard these rumors in regards
to Jax and John.

You never can put it past Jax, you know?

He's Jax.

Come here!

You know what? I want you to realize I
love you because I'm over you.

And I still love you as much as I did in
the first place. When

I started modeling, it was looked at as
like a

homosexual thing. Like it was for a gay
guy.

I'm coming from middle America where
there was no gay men.

You get thrown into this world and like,
whoa. So I was learning as I went

along.

I was a younger model who was hanging
out with an older gay guy. People are

going to talk no matter what. I mean,
people love to throw rumors out there.

Whatever.

I personally don't give a f*** what
anybody says.

I know who I am and I know what I've
done and I'm really happy with myself.

I'm not saying that you're bad.

I... Casey?

Yes?

Okay, listen.

My only advice to you is don't cut
everybody out. You should talk to her.

It's weird. She was your best friend for
you.

Well, pick it up. Talk to her. I am.

Hello?

Hi.

How are you?

I'm fine.

Fine?

Yes? Well,

yeah, because I haven't been able to
talk to you in a while.

But I hope you're having a really great
time, so I'm gonna go.

Stassi, please don't.

Cool.

It's not that I haven't seen Stassi do
this before, but...

I never thought she would do it to me
because we just have been such good

friends.

It doesn't make any sense.

I answered.

Okay, baby steps. I just don't want you
to cut her out of your life.

You don't need to just dump all your
friends because you've got many good

friends. What do you want? They're not.

People that I want to hang out with.

It doesn't make it... That doesn't mean
that I should be friends forever.

Dora told you.

Oh, my God.

You're not listening to anything, and
you're just going to hear whoever's

willing to do what you want, and it's
not okay.

It's not okay. That is what you do.

The thing that bothers me about Darcy is
she's not really looking for friends.

She's looking for followers. I don't
understand it. The fact that she storms

from the table just goes to prove the
point that she doesn't have an argument.

right. Me coming to Miami was the best
thing I could have done for me and my

boyfriend. I think it's bullshit that
Stassi can't support that.

There are a few things left to do on my
list and I'm not a quitter.

It's go time.

Table dance.

really good up until now.

I can't watch you guys together.

I'm not with her to hurt you. I promise
you.

I understand the same way that I've had
it with James.

It's not the same thing, Tom.

I despise her.

You left me for her.

I don't need to be with her.

It breaks my heart.

I do care about you.

Stop being so hateful. I'm trying not to
be Kristen.

I've not, I've not, I've really.

If I weren't with James, would that make
you less hateful?

Kristen, no, no.

I want you to be happy.

I wanted to be happy with you.

But, Kristen, like, honestly, after six
years, if we're still, like, struggling

for that, like, how can we keep going
on?

It's not you f***ed up, Kristen. We
f***ed up. Okay, so we realize that now.

But, Kristen, like, if we can't be happy
with each other, maybe we can find

happiness with other people.

But then we have.

Experiences that can never be replaced.

For those times, I will never forget
that.

It breaks my heart. Like, I try really
hard.

And I'm like, I cannot.

Christina, please. Like, I just want you
to be happy.

I just want you to be happy. I promise
you.

I really do. I promise you. I just want
you to be happy.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Sorry that we didn't work
out.

There were times where I thought we were
going to spend the rest of our lives

together.

It was so hard for me to go through
this.

Like it really was.

I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you.

This is what I wanted.

Come. has been saying for so long that
he despised and hates everything about

and what our relationship was. But he
has feelings and he has an emotional

about our relationship.

There's no way.

This is so weird and so familiar at the
same time.

Anything that I do is never something
that I'm doing to specifically try to

you. Okay?

I don't want you to cry.

I'm going to be really cool to James,
okay?

Can you try to listen to me, please?

I don't ever want to cry. I cry thinking
about you all the time.

There was a time that I loved Kristen,
and, you know, there is a little part of

that that stays with you.

I feel that we finally had some closure,
and I feel that she knows that I do

want her to be happy.

I'm not going away. Maybe that will help
disarm her from wanting to attack.

My life and my relationship with Ariana.

There are

two

things that I know now for sure.

Tom still has strong feelings for me.

And if Ariana weren't in the picture,
Tom and I could maintain some sort of

relationship. So I want Tom and Ariana
to break up.

Coming up. I was like, hey, Jack, did
you ever kiss John? He's like, probably

couple times drunk.

Sure you were drunk?

Jax is like the king of homoerotic
undertones.

Actually,

I think he's the king of homoerotic
overtones, too.

There's alcohol in this truck but not
enough sleep.

I do not feel like getting on a flight
right now.

Do I just stay?

Um, hey, A -holes.

Come on, we gotta get up.

Hey.

Tom and Jack's friend John was really
nice. Oh, yeah, he's a really cool guy.

He's a really nice guy.

I was like, hey, Jack.

Do you ever kiss John? He's like,
probably a couple times drunk.

Sure you were drunk?

Kristen actually made a really good
point last night.

She was like, all of our other trips
never went well because of the people

went on them.

It was like, this one went well because
it was like, you're a guy this trip. I'm

like, they're saying Stassi ruined the
vacation.

Yeah. This was the most amazing
bachelorette party weekend ever.

Not only because of all the crazy shit.
We did, but the group of people I was

surrounded with, the good friends I had
who were able to put their differences

aside and rally for me was so awesome.

You look awesome.

Thanks. I've always thought that enemies
can eventually become friends if they

have some common ground.

Turns out that common ground is me.

Hi, beautiful hotel room.

Oh, man.

Man. Sad.

We kind of have to hurry.

Yeah, I know.

Sheena and Shay had a good time, and we
survived.

It was nice. It feels like a bit of a
weight was lifted off my shoulders, to

honest. And I'm proud of you guys for
not fighting.

Yeah, me too.

Turning over a new leaf.

But I do wish she would get hit by a
Mack truck or something,

but not die.

I want to break Tom and Ariana up.

His relationship with Ariana is
bullshit.

He's the other woman. She's the
homewrecking whore.

She's the girl that my boyfriend cheated
on me with.

She's got to go.

Go me.

Okay. Bye, Miami.

Next time on Vanderpump Rules.

Sometimes when I get drunk, I become a
make -out slut. So are you drunk right

now? No.

Unless you're giving me wine.

Good.

I would prefer it if you do not date
somebody who's working here.

He's supposed to be above the staff, not
on top of them.

I get a text today from my Emmy girl.
She said, I would love to see the look

Tom's face if he saw me in person. I
want to confront him. Truth always comes

out. Sorry, dude, you deserve it.
Karma's a bitch.

That is done with our friendship.

You have lived under her shadow.

If she apologizes, I love a good
apology. All I want is a little bit of

Oh, stop it.

It's not always about you.

That.

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