All language subtitles for Vanderpump Rules – S3E05

Previously on Vanderpump Rules.

So the whole idea is to narrow at the
top and add a little width to the

I'm ready. I'm ready. Let's do this.

Why are you trying to pick up for Katie?
She's my girl. She couldn't even call

to say, hope your surgery went well.
That's all I needed. I never disliked

until a certain someone got back into
town.

What are you doing for money?

I'm doing my best. Right now you need a
job.

This is not just a barb rule, Tom.

You're suspended.

Kristen, you're suspended.

James, you don't work for me. I deeply
regret what happened.

I honestly couldn't imagine working at
any other restaurant.

Your buddy Tom Schwartz walked out in
the middle of the shift.

He just walked out in the middle of the
service.

Left. I'm going to bring that little his
neck.

I thought this would just be the little
boost that we needed to actually talk

about marriage and maybe get engaged.

My boyfriend couldn't handle his
bartending job, but he's going to make a

father.

Sparking bitches.

I love it.

What up, guys?

How you doing? I couldn't make this
decision alone.

I could, but I... Taking some analysis
here? Yeah, like, I want to consult.

This guy's hilarious.

You know I'm weirdo?

I can't even decide what do I want to
eat for lunch, let alone a dog.

You know what I'm saying?

Me and Katie have been talking about
getting a puppy for, like, At least a

and a half. But I just haven't been able
to pull the trigger.

For all cues.

Come on.

I got a lot of luck to give. I want a
doggy. Katie wants a doggy. Plus, I feel

like she's putting the heat on with the
whole engagement thing. I feel like this

will buy me like a year.

That's the wrong reason. No, of course.
Katie's been talking babies.

I don't know if she's... Are you kidding
me? It's not like you sat down and had

this serious baby conversation. But like
we went and saw a movie that had a

couple who had had a baby. And
afterwards, she was gushing.

Maybe it's like when we were kids and we
saw Ninja Turtle movies, we wanted to

fight afterwards, and then it wears off
in like an hour. I'm hoping that's what

it was.

I don't know. But she was literally in
tears saying, I want a baby.

Dude,

it's because she's been hanging around
Stassi lately, and Stassi loves baby.

Dude, Stassi's ready to settle down and
have a family. I want to have a baby

eventually. It's pretty simple. When
people we're friends with get engaged or

have kids.

This is going to be Patrick's studio or
nursery.

Whatever.

Easy.

It puts a lot of pressure on me to get
engaged and have kids.

Helping is a step in the right
direction.

Damn it.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do.

I just don't know.

Pull the trigger.

All right.

Yeah?

Gordo. Yeah!

Gordo. Yay!

I don't know. It's like meaties.

Yeah.

Ditto. Okay, come on. I need you to
clean the spots off the glasses.

I've been doing that all afternoon.

You're so happy not to be working here,
aren't you? You have no idea. Lisa

doesn't know exactly how to treat me.

Because, like, on one side, she views me
as someone who's, like, graduated from

CERN, and we can have a different sort
of relationship.

But then she's battling with that part
of her that still wants to boss me

around. Well, you look happy and
relaxed.

Thank you.

It's so weird to be, like, back here.

It's like, I feel like I'm, like, not,
I'm somewhere that, like, I'm not

supposed to be.

You don't want to come back here, do
you?

No. I want to know. So what you're
doing, you're doing a fashion blog.

I'm doing my fashion blog, but, I mean,
that's not how I'm making money yet.

What about styling? It's a good way to
earn money.

Yeah, of course.

Right? I've got a photo shoot tomorrow.
And you know what? I was thinking, why

don't you use it as your credit? You
know, so you can say, I did this cover.

That would be amazing.

Frontiers magazine, which is a very high
-profile gay magazine, has asked me to

be on the front cover. So it's a bit of
an honor. They don't normally have women

on the cover.

So I need it styled. So who's better for
the job than Starcy? Well, probably a

lot of people. But anyway, I'm going to
give Starcy the job.

Long pink dress. Gown that's not too
fitted.

Flowy white silver dress gown. And then
a fitted pantsuit. Oh, my God. Thank you

for thinking of me for this. Like, I
really appreciate it. Okay, good. You

do it. That makes me very happy.

And then you can put the credits to her
by Stassi. I like that. Okay, good.

Hello.

Hello. Would you like something to
drink? Well, you probably would. She

where the bar is.

She's sitting with me. She doesn't work
here anymore.

She's a customer.

Are you two talking to each other? No.

Why not?

Ask her. I mean, I'm not really sure
what I've done to you, but I'll take a

pinot grigio.

I have a glass of pinot grigio. You got
it. Thank you.

What's going on with you two? I'm sorry.
After last year, you decided to be best

friends with Kristen and Jack and then
started talking shit about me. Of course

I'm not your friend.

All right, that was complicated.

It is complicated. You haven't seen her?

I saw her at an OK Magazine party. This
is an awkward setup.

It really is.

It's so weird. I don't understand it. I
don't understand.

This was the last of the bottle, so
they're going to have to churn more.

now get me a cup of tea, darling. You
got here. Thank you. Okay, good.

I don't understand why this dynamic is
so complicated between the two of them.

think they should put their considerable
egos aside and they should...

Take a nice, big, healthy slice of
humble pie and get on with it.

Anyway, I have to go to pump.

Well, I'm going to stay here and have
Sheena serve me dinner.

By

the way,

thanks for driving me today.

No worries, dude. Where was Schwartz?
Was he with you?

No. Dude, he got in the dog.

He actually bought one?

Yeah.

Cute. He bought it for himself, for
Katie, for both of them? Yeah. Do you

it's a good idea that he's doing this
dog situation? He keeps telling me that

it's like Katie's putting pressure on
him to get married.

I don't think he wants to get married.
Schwartz tells me all the time that he's

not happy. They never have sex. They
fight all the time.

Katie's always pressuring Tom to get
married. And I know myself that Katie's

done some questionable things.

So I don't really think a dog...

He's going to help any of it.

There he is.

There's the man of the hour.

Hey. Hi, man. This is Tom.

How are you? Is this another Tom? Yeah,
this is the other Tom. Is that the

prerequisite for friendship?

Yeah.

I'm Tom number one. You met Tom number
two. Right, right, right.

How are we doing?

Good. Yeah. All right. I'm anxious to
get this out of my nose.

How do we do with the post -op
instructions?

No heavy lifting, no strenuous activity.

It wasn't strenuous.

Was she on top?

She was on top, so I just laid there.

Outer splint is going to come off, and
this actually will feel much better once

it's off.

Now, as we talked about, the nose is
going to be very swollen.

I think Jack is just a glutton for
punishment.

You know, now that Stassi's not around,
he needs to cause physical pain to

himself. Because I can't tell a single
difference between the old and new nose.

Take a deep breath in.

One,

two, three.

Look at that thing.

Whoa, that thing's huge.

Dude, look how straight that thing is.

Yes. Finally, a straight nose.

How's your breathing?

Great. Super excited. I just want to get
this baby out on the road, you know,

take it for a test drive.

Nice meeting you. Nice meeting you, too.

Dude, that guy gets laid, like, all the
time.

Hey, you and I are the most heterosexual
people ever.

That is a good -looking dude. He is a
good -looking dude. Right? He's a good

-looking guy. He's a pilot, too.

Yeah, but does he play guitar?

He probably plays it with, like, both
hands. He's probably left -handed and

right -handed. Of course. And plays
violin.

Coming up. So she is trying to get
engaged.

I don't know any engaged people who try
to get engaged who cheat on their

boyfriends. Do you? I don't know.

Is your apartment coming together?

Oh, I got furniture today.

So technically I have a place to sit in
my apartment right now.

I want to hang out up there.

I know, me too.

I don't like...

I don't want to be here anymore.

Because my apartment's so cool? Yeah. My
boyfriend wasn't here. I just never

come here.

What is this? Stop.

What is this?

What is that?

It's a little old man.

Is that yours?

A little old man. Wait, did you just get
a dog? It's a little old man. Wait,

come here. Did you just get a dog?

Are you for real?

Is it our puppy? I fell in love with a
dog. Is it our puppy? He's a rescue dog.

I know he's strange looking, but I fell
in love with him. Oh my God, here's your

baby. Wait, what does this thing say?
His name's Bordeaux. He's like a year

Look at his underbite.

How old is he? He's a year old.

Oh my God.

This is definitely a step forward. Tom
and I are parents

now. We have our little puppy son.

Isn't he cute?

He is.

He's so nice, Bubba, I promise. He's the
best dog.

If I knew getting a dog with a kitty
this happy, I would have done it a long

time ago.

Bubba, when we get married, he could be
like the reindeer.

Should we go Pinterest bridal things
now?

I'm going to go.

You're going to have so much love.

I know.

This is so the Sir Walk of Shame.

I know. It's been awesome not seeing Tom
and Ariana, but when you're suspended,

your bills don't get suspended, and your
rent definitely doesn't get suspended.

I need money.

Here we go.

I'm excited.

Cool dance.

Thanks. I've been working on it all
week.

That's what I've been doing with my time
off.

Productive.

Whoa!

What happened to you?

Did you get a nose job? I did.

Did you really? I did.

Beverly Hills has got to me.

Oh, you look so cute.

Oh, thanks. Just kidding.

Don't let it go to your head. What's up?

I'm just trying to think how many times
I'm going to tell this story before the

end of the night.

It's one waitress down. I've got 25 more
waitresses to come up and ask me about

my nose.

Well, dude, you're wearing a piece of
tape. Well, it's because I don't want

people to come near me. Like, I don't
want... No, you want... No, I don't. You

want the sympathy, dude.

I want a little sympathy.

Yeah, you do. A little bit. You want
people to ask you. I don't want people

bump it, either. Like, I don't want my
nose bumped.

I'll be right back. I'm going to go take
care of this.

All right.

Hey, Jax. What's going on? How are you?

I'm good.

You good?

Not that you care, but yeah.

It's not that I don't care.

Okay. I was in the hospital, kind of
like she was last year. I wasn't friends

with she either, but I reached out and
said, hey, are you okay?

Are you still alive?

I didn't know that me not texting would
affect you like that.

Jax thinks because he had elective
cosmetic surgery that the world should

I don't care about his nose job. Why
would I text him about it? Is it okay

now if you're even talking to me right
now? Did you ask Doc's permission?

Please.

I don't know. Did you? Don't be
ridiculous.

I don't feel like I have to apologize
for anything. You don't need to

for anything.

I'm just saying for, like, my
boyfriend's sake so he's not caught in

of all this. I don't need a pity, I'm
sorry. Like, I'd rather just not have

Don't say for Tom's sake. Like, Tom,
he's the only person he can handle, and

appreciate it, but don't do it for
someone else's sake.

Okay.

You know, I honestly don't care that
Schwartz is your boyfriend. I honestly

think your relationship's a sham. He's
depressed all the time, and I think you

guys shouldn't be together.

I don't know what else to say.

That's it. You're good.

Hi, Ken. Hi, Lita.

Hi. How are you?

Would you like ice water or bottled
water?

You're back.

I am.

Okay, then. Are you excited?

Oh, ecstatic.

You look like it.

Yeah. I've given Kristen a million
chances. I'm not going to give her a

one. She's skating on very, very thin
ice.

Apologize as well to you.

Keep it professional and one strike
you're out. Are we good with that? Yes,

absolutely. So you turn up, there's no
drinking, there's no talking back to

Peter. I felt attacked when Peter yelled
at me at the meeting and I didn't feel

it was appropriate.

Kristen, you're a liability and a
detriment to this entire establishment.

What am I supposed to do? Because if I
don't listen to them, I'm disrespecting

him by not listening to him.

I see where you're coming from.

Peter is given the title management.

Professionally, I'll agree that Peter is
a... I'm not asking for your opinion on

Peter. Okay, fair enough.

Okay, I'm just worried about your
behavior.

Okay.

Actions speak louder than words,
Kristen.

They do.

Thank you.

Why do I give her another chance?

Make sure this is the last chance you
give her.

I had a big -ass nose.

I had a really big nose.

I feel like you're a different person.

Perfectly straight now. I'm so excited.

I walked into a computer room. They had
my two pictures, the before and after.

He's like, you're going to wake up.
You're going to look like this. I woke

looked exactly like that. I'm like, as
happy as can be.

I literally had this surgery a week ago.
I was out for the count probably for

two days. It's like stuff shoved in your
nose. And you can't, all you want to do

is blow your nose. It looked so nasty.
His one eye was like this. I couldn't

open my eye.

And I'm like, I don't follow directions,
so, like, you can't drink. I had a

drink. You're not supposed to eat steak.
I had steak.

Anyway. Yeah.

No, I was standing over there. I heard
my name mentioned a few times. What was

that about?

So she comes over here and goes, my
boyfriend's your best friend. And I go,

can just walk away. Right. Like, you
couldn't just come over and be like, you

know what? Jess, I'm sorry. Like, I'm
sorry.

I go, is it okay for you to be here? Did
Stassi say it was okay?

I wonder if Stassi approved of her
motorboating that actor guy at that club

night. I know. I wanted to go there. I
was so close. I was so close. I was this

close. A few months ago, I was at a
nightclub. I just happened to look over,

I saw Katie nuzzling another guy. Their
faces were in here, and then she was

what they call motorboating the crotch
region of this gentleman.

You saw that?

I was this close. Dude is like standing
on the bar and she's like full on dick

level. It's funny when people like
comment on like one of Schwartz or

photos on Instagram like, oh my God, you
guys are the cutest couple ever. I'm

like, you have no idea.

You want to be like me and Shay?

Okay, I got to go.

I'll talk to you later. See you later.
Okay.

Stranger. My first night bath.

Thanks for the text, by the way. I
didn't get so much as a text from Katie.

I know she's like... Did you think you
would?

No. I just think that's rude. But did
you really think you would for a lady?

What? Not even a text? Who is she
anymore, Jack? Like, honestly.

Can we talk about what she's lying about
right now? She's trying to get engaged.

I don't know any engaged people who try
to get engaged who cheat on their

boyfriends. Do you? I don't know. I
thought with my own eye, and Sheena

because I know I don't have a lot of
credibility, obviously.

Sheena thought. Sheena texted me. Sheena
thought.

She's been cheating on sports.

All of you have been throwing stones at
me. My entire life, I have nothing. Go

for it. Go for it. I'm sick of getting
all the shit.

For the mistakes I've made.

When everyone else is doing just as
badly and not getting any support.

She's going to deny you, me, and Sheena
seeing all this? Well, I didn't see it,

but Sheena saw it.

I'm looking out for my friend, and we've
told him. The thing is, Tom doesn't

care. So I haven't brought this up to
Katie. I almost did. I haven't said a

thing, a word. I feel like it needs to
be brought up. She has one of two

choices. She can come clean now, or she
can have the worst summer of her life.

Coming up.

I was with my friends, and we were
talking to him, and he wanted to do a

shoot with the two of us.

Motorboating a dick is not a photo
shoot.

I can't do it. I'm sorry.

It loves money.

Oh, my gosh. It feels...

So good to be back here.

You've gotten so much more stuff.

I've just forgotten how much was here.

So this is for the cover of Frontiers
magazine.

Theme, Greek goddess.

I do not look like a Greek goddess. I
need to go through your gown.

I'm pretty sure the Greek goddess thing
isn't really going to be a problem.

She has nothing but chiffon gowns
everywhere.

This is beautiful. What about this? We
don't have to go pink.

It could be this is quite nice. I mean,
I haven't worn it.

I love this, and I think it's, like,
it's classic.

I appreciate that. As long as they're
okay with it. I mean, I guess they have

be. I think we've got to tell them. What
about that with that?

Oh, that would be amazing.

Lisa's asked me to be her stylist for
today, but let's be real. Lisa's going

wear what she wants to wear. I'm here to
confirm her choices, pay her

compliments, and lug her around all day.

So how are you doing?

You're doing okay?

Yeah. Time you and Sheena kind of...
Sorted it out if you're going to run in

same circle.

Or you could be like me and just run as
far away from your friends as you can

possibly get. I'll choose that one.

Wait a second.

Watch out, bitches. I'm back.

Gotta hurry up, Stassi. I am. I'm
putting together a bracelet.

What about earrings?

I'm gonna haven't gotten there yet.

Stassi's acting like, you know, a kid at
Christmas.

No, I want her to be professional.

That's impressive.

His style may not play dress -up.

I think it just looks like art. Like,
that looks amazing.

Oh, here he is. Chicky needs an outfit.

You could be Chicky's stylist.

Okay. Oh, this.

Well, this would actually look nice,
too. The purple.

Oh, yeah.

Those can go away.

Lisa is making like this is a huge
opportunity for me. It's not like this

Audrey Hepburn's first Vogue cover.

I'm dressing a dog with alopecia.

Okay, come on, let's do it.

Ready to get this party started?

Oh my God.

Do it.

One of the reasons why I'm a bartender
and I work at night is so I can have my

day free to go to auditions, to make
music, and to go to rooftop pool parties

with my beautiful girlfriend.

Welcome to the pool party.

Act like idiots with awesome pool toys.

What's up, fellas?

Hey, man.

Hello, Jesus.

Where's Schwartz?

You know, Ariana invited Katie, but she
didn't want to come because, obviously,

you know, Sheena's going to be here. I
just think it's dumb that just because

I'm here, Schwartz isn't allowed to come
and hang out with all of his friends.

Like, be a fucking adult. Get over it.

It's annoying.

I don't know if Katie and Schwartz are
truly happy because...

He doesn't want to commit to marriage,
and she's getting drunk motorboating

guy's dick, so... I don't know.

For Katie to be, like, so wanting to get
married when the relationship is... I

know. Obviously not in the place it
needs to be.

At all. Tom was the same way as Tom and
I was. You know, you have the apartment,

you have the dog, we share the computer,
we share the furniture, and he's like,

well, I share all this stuff, it would
be hard to break up.

I look at myself now, and I'm so much
better without Stassi. I look at Tom

Sandoval, and he is so much better
without Kristen. And I just want the

thing for Tom Schwartz.

That's just what a friend wants for
another friend.

What are you guys going to do after
this? What are you doing after this?

to my favorite place in the entire
world.

Oh, my God, sir.

Are you guys jealous?

You're so lucky. I know. Oh, my God.
High five. High five.

Please tell me you're working with our
favorite people. I think so. I think

Katie's going to be there tonight. Oh,
I'm so jealous. Okay, well, Katie's

going... Wait, if Katie's going into
work... I mean, I don't know. I think

is. Okay, well, if she is... Let's go to
Tom's. Yeah, we're going by Tom's, so

we're going to give him... How much...

Okay, guys, thanks for coming. I
appreciate you putting yourselves out.

look great. You need a tie.

Is Darcy here yet? No.

Okay, so what are we going to do?

Darcy's still not here with the clothes
then.

It's like, where the hell has she gone
for 20 minutes? It's like, we took the

same route. What, is she going to get a
Starbucks? So, okay, we've got to

replace all these, yeah?

I'm Ryan, photographer.

Ryan, Stassi, nice to meet you. Stassi,
nice to meet you as well.

She's going to be like right here
holding the martini glass.

Love to have Jiggy and something
matching possibly with his little like

martini glass too.

Hello.

Lisa. Hi, how are you? I love you.

Good, how are you? Okay, so let's do
this. I'm going to put on the purple

Yeah. And we'll see.

I just plugged 20 pounds of chiffon for
you across town and I don't get a hello.

Rude. It's like a lot of stuff to get
organized.

Come on.

Can you go and get my makeup and the
hair thing? Yes.

It's 109 degrees outside.

This sucks.

Oh, you are perfect.

Yes. Look at you.

I'm pretty much Lisa's bluffer today.

Perfect. Okay.

Where's your hairspray?

It's in my bag. Where did you leave all
that jewelry?

In the bathroom.

No, you can't.

Let's do this.

Beautiful. Ziggy.

Ziggy, are you here?

Come on then, let's go in here.

Dude, do any sort of cover. Be able to
put that on your CV as a young stylist.

Really, it's just something that people
strive for.

Where are the earrings?

Well, Jiggy hasn't got his white suit
on. Things like that don't get given to

you every day.

Star City is starting Jiggy or not.

Watch this. Watch this.

Okay, where are we going now?

Honestly,

this is starting to feel like a big
favor I'm doing for Lisa.

She basically called me in to be an
assistant for 12 hours.

Unpaid. Oh, this is awful.

This one.

Look at this.

Well, I didn't realize no things. We're
going to do this one.

All right.

Everybody this time will look at the...

All right, on the count of three.

Perfect. Nice.

All right, last one for safety.

Great. That's a wrap, you guys. That was
amazing.

Thank you.

Thank you.

High five. I need to get your card. I
would love to get your card. I don't

any cards with me. Can I give you my
card and then you email me? This is one

the greatest opportunities that's going
to land on Josh's lap.

Well, thank you. Would have been nice.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank
you. Thank you. At the end of all of

this, she doesn't even thank me.

High five. High five. Aw, good job. Good
job.

Ew, my hands are full.

All right, all right, that's enough.
Wait, wait, wait. What'd you get?

What'd you get?

What are you saying?

What the?

Motherfuckers. I guess kindergarten let
out early, huh? Huh? Real nice.

Did you guys have the whole crew? Yeah,
everybody was there. It was good.

Everyone was having a good time. Jumping
in pools. I should be talking, Katie. I

just think it's... that just because I'm
here, Schwartz isn't allowed to come

and hang out with all of his friends.
Like, it's annoying.

No, she wasn't. But you guys are cool
today?

Everybody was having a good time.
Everybody was just hanging out, having a

time? That's what happened when Katie's
not around.

I got my pimp cup. I got my beer. Nobody
cried.

Jumping in pools.

What? It was fine. Somebody cried.

No, nobody cried.

These are for me.

Well, I got you the blue one.

Dude, you're about to move out pretty
soon after this summer, buddy. No,

It's going to be Tom and you by
yourself.

No, don't say that.

Gordo, come over here. Is that enough?

Is that enough? Gordo.

Is that enough?

We're due for some peace and tranquility
in our lives.

I don't know what planet you're living
on, but it's not going to be peace and

tranquility. Things are good right now.
Let me just enjoy this.

Once I confront her on that little
cheating session she had in that club,

going to hit the fan. I don't really
care about it. I don't think it

think it's just a rumor.

A rumor as in five people saw it as a
rumor? Jackson's a chronic truth

stretcher, all right?

And he's already been on this anti
-Katie crusade, so I'm taking everything

says as a grain of salt, you know? This
is what I thought, just so you know. And

Sheena saw him.

She was kissing him. She was kissing his
neck.

They were kissing each other up on their
neck, and then she put her mouth, like,

in the crotch region. It was going like
this in the crotch region. But there was

kissing, like, of the neck, like...

Like, for what?

Katie told me nothing happens. You know
what? I believe her.

I appreciate you guys telling me this,
but I'm so happy with the way things

been right now, like lately, that I
just, it's not worth it.

You know?

It's not worth it. No, I get it.

You're sweeping things under the rug
right now.

Katie's not a cheater. Maybe she had one
or two little incidents, but she's not

a cheater.

She's not.

Katie has been avoiding me like a
plague.

I'm not too proud to admit that I miss
my friendship with Katie sometimes.

I guess Katie has so many friends these
days, she can just...

Toss them to the curb.

Like, this is awkward.

We work together.

It is what it is.

I guess.

Kristen, our friendship was not, like,
good for a while. We were fighting a

I was already becoming aware before any
of this happened that...

Our friendship wasn't healthy for you
and it wasn't healthy for me. I know

everyone says, oh, it's all me. Why is
it that you hang out with Sandoval and

Ariana? Because you know that you
cheated on me five times. But it's okay

you to be friends with Sandoval and not
even surround yourself.

Sandoval, my boyfriend is best friends
with Sandoval. It's in my best interest

to get along with him. And I do get
along with him. I always did get along

Sandoval. Even though he cheated on me,
he lied to you, he lied to everyone.

That's okay? I didn't hold him in the
same regard that I hold you.

I had to separate the two. I had to
separate you as, like, a person that was

going through this whole thing and then
our friendship.

No, it's not. You guys really, everyone,
everybody needs to get off the stalky

thing. Katie is just one more person who
refuses to be in the same room as me,

yet she can judge me and punish me for
being dishonest and cheating when she's

doing the exact same thing. Katie
shouldn't be judging anyone.

I am in such a good place.

If you're cheating on your...

I'm not cheating on you. You really
think if I was going to do something

that, I would do it in front of Jax and
Sheena and Shay and Peter.

I was with my friends and we were
talking to him and he wanted to do a

shoot with the two of us.

Motorboating his dick is not a photo
shoot.

I wasn't. Oh, my God. I was trying to
take my shoes off.

Hypocrisy at its finest.

This is why I can't be friends with you.

Sorry.

Coming up. You're a cheater. I'm not a
cheater. You're the cheater. You're a

cheater. We all saw you kissing. We all
saw it.

Shut the fuck up for a second.

You did not expect me.

Take it off.

What me and Kristen have is so amazing.
I feel like our relationship is the

best.

You can just do that. You just sit for
the window.

Everything is perfect.

Oh, that's my favourite right there.

Not only has Kristen said I'm better in
bed than Tom, but she also said I had a

substantially bigger penis than Tom.

You're like the best partner that I've
watched a car with, like, ever.

Gorgeous. Checkmate.

Drop the mic. Go home.

And we also want to get this picture.

So I spent the whole day with Lisa
yesterday.

She's doing the cover of Frontiers
magazine, and it was at Pump, and she

incredible. Is she still trying to get
you to be friends with Tina, or does she

understand it now? I don't think she'll
ever understand it. I don't know.

Actually, surprisingly, I had a
conversation with Kristen.

When did this happen?

At work.

She went into talking about, like, why
I'm not friends with her.

She tried to bring up that, like, I'm up
your ass.

It's just so weird. I haven't had any
problems with Kristen or Jax in nine

months. Stassi coming back into town has
kicked up a dust storm, and it's not

Stassi's fault at all.

She's like, oh, you and your boyfriend?

Well, you cheat on him.

Wait, she said you cheat on him? Sure.

Because Gina and Jax... started this
rumor because sheena thought she saw me

like motorboating nice crotch do people
do that hold on no

motorboat crotches i've never done that
in my life and i said to kristen i was

like you weren't even there she's like
jackson sheena told me i'm like oh then

it must be true like i i just wonder
like how it how you feel about the fact

that shorts still continues to hang out
with him and wants to.

I don't know why he doesn't care. Like,
why isn't he mad that people are talking

about his own relationship? I mean, I
think this is something that's just

recently started with them trashing our
relationship and trying to tell him

that, like, I cheat on him.

I think it's absolutely insane that
Schwartz still hangs out with Jax. Katie

should be standing up and saying,
absolutely not.

It's me or Jax.

To like not everyone cheats like just
because you guys do it doesn't mean that

everybody else does it's actually not
normal

Hey,

I haven't broke out the bikes in a long
time. I know all three of us Hey,

listen, you've come a long way now.
You're on a bike. You don't have your

license anymore.

That's true. My dad forgot to pay my
insurance again. Isn't that the reason

went to jail?

Yeah,

I forgot to pay your insurance. Yeah,
that's his job.

You're like, I'm 34 years old. This is
the reason you went to jail last time. I

know, but he doesn't tell me that he cut
my insurance off. 34, still under my

parents' insurance.

I lasted longer than most people.

Hey, man, I thought about it yesterday,
and, like, you know how I'm digging at

you and digging at you about this Katie
situation? First of all, I thought about

it a lot. It's not my business. I'm not
going to get involved anymore.

The only thing I would love, if she just
admitted it, I would let everything go.

They should come up with rumors that
we're lesbians.

That would at least be interesting. That
would actually be interesting.

That would be, like, hey, get creative.

Wait, guys, we've got to cherish this
moment, man. Take a picture. All right,

I'll take a picture. This is bringing us
back memories. I'll take a picture of

you. Oh, God.

Schwartz posted a photo of the boys
taking a bike ride. Hey, me and the guys

coming.

Well, I'm going.

Bye. Bye, Katie.

Bye. Good luck with that.

Yeah.

Best of luck.

We love you.

Thank you. Let us know how that goes.

Bye -bye.

What's up?

I brought some company.

Hi. Hey.

Can we grab your food?

Yeah, yeah, what do you want? Can you
get me that chicken milk?

Get me that chicken milk. No mayonnaise.

And Arnold Palmer.

Uh -oh.

You guys ever went out and not got a
drink and dessert?

Whatever, it's fine.

How was it? Good.

What did you guys talk about?

Nothing.

What?

I'm your girlfriend, and if you're
choosing to keep hanging around people

are trashing me and trashing our
relationship... They're not trashing

are. In regards to this one instance,
they're not trashing you as a person.

don't trash you on a regular basis.

But they are, and, like, they're doing
it to you, which is... No, it's not

it's Jack, first of all.

Sometimes Jack exhibits the behavior of,
like, a jealous girlfriend, almost. You

know, maybe he's a little jealous that I
spent so much time with Katie.

Not as much Jack's time as he would
like.

That's delicious.

Thanks, guys. Appreciate it.

Dude, the girl's got mimosas and
dessert.

It's amazing because Jax has been
spreading rumors about me and my

and he knows that I know, and yet he's
just sitting here without a care in the

world just ordering a cheeseburger.

So the pool party, for some reason, y
'all turned it into a topic conversation

of mine and his relationship and
bringing up both rumors.

Jax has zero shame, zero conscience, and
zero clue.

Most rumors. Not a rumor. I thought with
my own eyes.

100 % true. You want to start this with
him here? We all thought.

We all thought. You're the biggest liar
I've ever seen. Oh, liar.

Katie, where are you going?

Let's calm down right now.

Liar. What am I lying about, Katie?

If you told me this guy was blue, I'd
begin questioning. No, you wouldn't. You

would have stopped me first if this guy
was blue. Stop it.

Stop it.

He's a dig. You're her friend. He's a
dig.

Katie, I won't.

Katie. Got it?

You're a cheater. You're a cheater. I'm
not a cheater. You're the cheater.

You're a cheater. You're a cheater. We
all saw you kiss that guy. Can I say

something for a second? We all saw it.

Jack, shut the fuck up for a second.
Katie, like, I don't know if you were

and you don't remember, but, like, I
mean, we're talking, like, three people

that really thought it.

It didn't happen.

You sit here and criticize everyone's
relationship when you say, oh, my

relationship. You have the farthest base
of a perfect relationship. You should

shut up.

You have nothing to talk about. The only
thing Jack's been trying to accomplish

right now is breaking me and Tom up.

Jack, grow the f*** up, get the f*** out
of my life, and just f*** off.

Most importantly.

Guys, the relationship sucks.

I'm not gonna. You can go.

No, you go. You're not even here. You're
the one who's not wanted here.

I'm not wanted here? No. I know. Stop.

No one cares if you're here.

Stop with this s***. He cares if I'm
here. Are you even allowed to be out?

you ask Stassi if you could come out?

Listen, you guys are weak guys.

I have the right to defend myself.

You definitely do. You definitely do.

Are we happy? Yes. How happy we are.

Everything's great.

Listen. What the fuck?

Dude, we are happy. Dude, stop.

Stop. Please, dude. No one believes you.
You're a liar. Okay. You really are a

liar. Okay.

Why don't you come sit across from me?

I didn't do anything. What do you want
me to do? I'll eat my sandwich. All

right, it's washed.

No more.

She brought it up, I mean.

It's over. He doesn't obviously care, so
it's fine. No, it's not that... I've

been wanting my boyfriend to man up, get
a steady job, prove that he's serious

about me. What kind of man just sits
there while his two friends are swearing

me, calling our relationship a joke?

Just let it go. What happens when you
give problems attention?

The more attention you give it...

The more of a problem it's going to be.

Okay, this is turning into a big old
game. No, not at all, Bubby. Bubby, I'm

just saying.

I was just saying.

Bubby, I thought we let it go.

They had to stop before me.

Coming up.

Okay, Bubby.

No,

but Bubby, you instigated it.

Let me go talk to Kate.

Yeah. Hey, do you live with her? You can
talk to her anytime you want. Let me

just go see. Get this out.

Oh, that's exactly what I'm supposed to
have.

How do you hang out with people like me?

I mean, I had it squashed. How do you
hang out with people like me?

You got there and let them talk to me
like that. No, but Bubby, you instigated

it. You brought it up and you started
harping me.

I'm being called a liar.

There's one thing I'm not, and it's a
liar. I'm not a cheater. Listen, you

have to explain yourself to me. Don't
even sweat it. I'm not worried about it.

That's all that really matters, right?
Do you see me sweating?

Listen, go on. Enjoy the rest of your
day. I'm going to go finish my lunch. I

haven't had one bite because you guys
give me... I have a nervous stomach now.

couldn't eat.

It would be nice if she would admit to
it, but if she doesn't... It's whatever.

He doesn't care. He doesn't care.

It's right under the bridge. She brought
it up and got angry and started this

whole thing. It was a fine conversation.

Everyone was getting along.

Hey, man, I just want you to know I
didn't start that. Did Katie know I was

times sticking up for her? Please
understand that she started it. I was

here quiet, and I was just talking about
the sandwich. She fired first.

She just feels like she's being
attacked.

It's not worth my time or energy to
investigate that. I don't care.

Schwartz, you should care.

Because it's not about the kiss. It's
more about the honesty thing. I just

Katie is not a cheater. She's not.

If this was an ongoing thing, she's out,
you know, getting banged on a regular

basis, motorboating dicks and shit, as
you guys say. I don't know. I didn't say

that. Motorboating dicks. I didn't say
that. I didn't see any of this, dude. So

don't put this on me. If it happened,
she was pissed drunk, probably

blackout. Of course. There was no
emotional investment.

I know. And it was just a drunken... If
it happened, and it's an isolated

incident, she's not a cheater. That's
totally cool. That's totally cool. But

then just say that.

You can't say just admit it. We would
do. Would we admit it?

No.

Next time on Vanderpump Rules.

I need you to work at Pumps.

Really? I have a 50 gay mayor's event. I
need you guys to pass drinks.

Trey passing is the bottom of the
barrel.

Whoa, whoa.

You're an a**hole, man.

You have to listen to this text.

Kristen Doty wanted to talk to you if
you're free to meet up this week.

Kristen's trying to plot to, like, take
us down. Now she's trying to ruin my

friend's life?

No. I know the torch cheated on Katie.

You don't know these things for a fact
because you haven't witnessed anything.

I would love nothing more than Tom to
rail a girl right in front of her.

This is insane.

What I want to know is, did Tom cheat on
me?

Tina said that you...

made out with someone.

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