Original subtitles

Previously on The Real Housewives of New York City.

This is the UK version of the book. Oh, I love it.

I'm going to the UK on book tour.

You're amazing, Harry.

You take me the way I am and you feel me. I want to see if Harry is going to

a partner in a relationship.

I do. Love you.

To us.

Just give me the leash? Oui. Because you don't need the leash in the shop.

Non, mais je veux surtout la tenir.

I don't understand why you can't send me an email and go...

Josh and I are not seeing eye to eye on a lot of things. You are so delusional

about time. You know, we need a mediator.

Hallelujah.

Everybody is upset that you're not singing tonight.

I'm not the staff.

If you're going

to talk about me behind my back, at least

check out my great app.

When people tell me I'm fake.

I know, they're just pulling my leg.

A true New Yorker never backs down, and I'm no exception.

Holla!

I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I'm pretty.

Get the pinot ready, because it's turtle time.

Sometimes Sonia has to go commando. What can I say?

Carol's birthday. Carol's birthday.

Should we all go through these? Oh my God, there's a document?

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

Carol is in London on her book tour. I'm so excited for her with Widow's Guide.

But she's also turning 50, and we got a party.

So she's asked for my help to plan her birthday. And she's like a sister to me,

and there's no way I'm going to let this go down without it being amazing.

Okay, so we're dealing with Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. That I

knew. We think that we have found the right venue.

And it's got an outdoor space, like we could do like a garden party out there.

Yeah, this is the picture. Oh, I know this place.

It's great.

Yeah, Barbette is awesome.

We have a whole list of things that she would like, ideally.

You know, white lights in all the trees.

A thousand white lights. A thousand white lights. A thousand white lights.

wants like kind of Spanish moth on all the tables.

How many white rose petals?

Five thousand.

But not too much. We have to test it.

She wants us to take the chandeliers from her apartment and put them in the

venue. What?

She's broken crack.

Is there anything else?

Butterflies. Put them all in a cage?

Yeah. Oh, real butterflies.

That's, like, exotic.

I have to ask the writer about all this stuff.

I feel like we should call her.

Okay. I mean, I think I got a pretty good gist on what she means.

This is a gist?

No, it's hard.

I tend to be a perfectionist. I have very strong ideas about how I want the

party to look.

So listen, I have a couple questions.

Now, they told me that you want to take one of your old chandeliers and hang it

at the... Yeah.

Okay. I like that as option number last.

So I think that what we should find is they talked to me about the real

butterflies in the center pieces.

You need a permit for that.

Okay, so forget the permit, but I'll try to find the butterflies.

Let me ask you about the red apples in the centerpieces. Tell me about your

vision there.

I

don't

want much. I want the headless mannequins. I want the butterflies.

I want the man walking the invisible dog.

I need a fog machine. I need the harvest moon to be in the trees. I need antique

lace around the front door.

I need pistols. It's not much. It's what makes the party great are the details.

Yeah,

food and alcohol I can handle.

Love you, baby.

On that note, I think we're done.

Let

me

get the door.

Oh, thank you, lovey.

Marley loves it. It's a social day out. Come on, Marley.

Hello.

Door looks so nice.

Thank you. By the way, does this thing come with batteries?

Unbelievable.

Come here. Look, see, I think Harry's into this. Look at this little guy.

I've never seen you so affectionate with a dog.

You're so cute.

You see what I mean? What kind of dog?

Poodle? Poodle.

Aw, it looks like you.

Harry thinks I'm ready for a dog.

We? You think we're ready for a dog?

Harry and I broke up over 25 years ago, but in the last few months, things have

been heating up again. And I have to say, it feels right.

In Montana... I enjoyed hanging out with the cowboys, but I did not forget about

Harry. I didn't put any lotion on. Jeez.

We can test it out. You look incredibly beautiful. Thank you. Your boobs look

perfect. We probably should just get married, you and I, because we've

the list.

This is a big step we're talking about here, to get a dog together.

18 years is a long time for anybody, especially for Harry.

Well, I think it would be a good idea for our relationship.

Something for us to take care of besides each other.

Look, Harry's cheated on me before.

That's humiliating.

To open my heart to Harry again in a committed relationship is going to take

lot. I'd have to Velcro his ass to a couch to get him to stay committed.

We have to be responsible. You're going to show me if we get the dog. We commit

to commit to a relationship. I need to see responsibility.

We walk the dog. We take him on trips.

Take him to dinner. We'll take him for drinks.

We'll take him to parties.

I'll hold it like a schmuck on the side.

waving with the little bag.

Really going to try this? Yeah. Let me have a hug. We'll try it again. I love

having a hug from you.

Cool. Even though I have my fears, which I feel are natural, I'm excited to see

where it goes.

And I want to see if Harry is patient and consistent and not just a play date.

All right, let's order that dog. All right.

You said you had a boy? Yeah, we have a little boy. Right. I neuter my guys

early.

Hey, we're here to see Dr. Fuller.

Hey, you guys can have a seat. Dr. Fuller will be out in a minute. Great,

you. You're welcome.

Are you bamboozling me? This looks like a law office job. I know, I know.

To sign here. Have you ever heard of a post -nuptial?

Yes. Yeah, that's what we're going to work on tonight.

Today, Josh and I are going to see a couple of therapists, and I'm a little

nervous. I mean, I'm happy that he wants to go, but for him to say that he wants

to go means that we've got some stuff to work on.

This is our biggest issue. It's just communication. This is our biggest

We don't have a big issue.

Every, like, third blue moon, why don't you just show up at the door with some

red roses?

It goes both ways. Why do you think I don't come home? There's never food on

table.

I think we're kind of off the rails a little, and we need to get back on

Hi. Hi, how are you?

Good to meet you.

This is Dr. Fuller. How are you? She got our gig. She found out this is a law.

I know. This is like a law.

Come on back this way.

Got a seat there?

I thought that there was like couches where you lay down.

You can lay down if you need to.

Okay. First,

tell me, what are sort of the current problems or challenges for you that

friction? Can I go first?

We don't ever talk about anything.

I mean, we're not the kind of couple that's like, do you want to have kids? I

don't know.

It's like, oh, I'm pregnant.

I'm pregnant again.

It sounds like you're saying that the skill deficit might be that you don't

initiate conversation about important issues ahead of time in a proactive

fashion so that you guys can discuss it, work through it, and plan.

This could be the root of all of our problems.

We'll talk about the problems, but first I just want to make sure we touch on.

What right now is going very well in terms of the relationship, what you

appreciate about the other person?

She always puts the kid first in front of everything.

And what about for you?

He's like a really great provider.

You feel safe.

When's the last time, Josh, you recall having just the two of you out for a

leisurely or romantic night?

Two weeks ago.

How was it? It was nice.

Okay. You had an interesting look on your face, and I'm curious as to what

were thinking and feeling.

This is really bad, but I actually have a picture on my phone of, oh, you know

what it is. A picture of me on my phone as you're walking up. Then I sat down at

the table and then he had to put up on a fire hydrant and he was finishing his

call.

Here's my big issue if you want to go on to my thing.

She doesn't know what it's like to run a business and to be pulled in a lot of

different directions and to bear that responsibility. Let me ask you to do one

thing.

Can you say that again except instead of saying what she hasn't had, you say

what you have and describe what it's like?

Started a business five years ago.

I've had to raise money. It's been a hand -to -mouth thing. I've got a lot of

different moving pieces that I'm dealing with on a day -to -day basis that she

just isn't aware of.

So when I'm on a call, I'm not on a personal call chit -chatting with a

in L .A. It's always business -related.

And she's quick to needle me on why I just can't dismiss certain things. And I

think Kristen has a tendency to spend a lot of time and energy and anxiety

around really small things that at the end of the day aren't that meaningful.

To you. To me. To you. To me.

It's the small things that gets her so anxiety -ridden that creates a larger

explosion. Because part of it, I just can't understand how you could spend so

much energy on such a small, minute detail.

I get he has to work. I get it's stressful.

I get all of that. But what he has to get is that he's married with a family.

And we need to eventually come first.

Can you give me a sense of what you heard? He's not acknowledging my

and how important this date night is.

I always feel like I'm always to the back burner and it's like work is always

here and I'm slightly under, which I understand to a certain extent. I'm kind

okay with because I get that it's really important and that's what pays our

bills. But I'm forever and like I need a little bit of something.

I just sometimes I feel like he doesn't love me.

Coming up.

I think I've done really, really, really well at supporting in your company.

There's one devil in your inner circle. It's a woman who's very deceptive.

I always feel like I'm always to the back burner.

I'm forever.

And, like, I need a little bit of something.

Sometimes I feel like he doesn't love me.

Okay. How did it feel to hear her say that?

I don't think she's... Tell me what you think.

I think I get extremely frustrated when she can't understand what I'm going

through. When you are saying that to me, like, I cry because it makes me sad.

Like, I want you to know that I really appreciate all you do for us.

You're amazing, and you're amazing at what you do, and you're really talented,

and I appreciate it all, and I want you to know that. I don't want you ever to

think, like, you know, me needling you is like...

It's not supporting you and your company like I think I've done really really

really well at supporting in your company I mean at the same time though

comes to the date night when he's on the phone It sounds like you kind of have

two goals one is you want to be really supportive? And at the same time you

to be feeling something else that competes with that when he's on the

date night If I express how I feel to him he gets He's very aggressive and

angry because I don't understand.

So what would be reasonable for you to expect from yourself and from him in

terms of the phone on a date night?

It's communication.

I love you so much I have to take this phone call and I know it really upsets

you so I'm going to buy you a really expensive handbag to make up for it.

Does that work okay? It works fine if he agrees to it ahead of time. We'll agree

to the first part. I love you very much but I need to take this phone call.

And if you're a really good girl then you'll get ice cream after dinner.

Okay. So let me ask realistically, you're really okay with him picking up

if he says that?

I'm really just big on communication in general. I'm going to be late.

I've got to take this important phone call. I feel like that, isn't that like

the core of everything, communication?

Communication deficits do cause lots and lots of problems.

But I would encourage you, speak for yourself using the I statements as much

possible. Don't interrupt and don't put on the labels.

God, I feel really good about all that. It's great. We laughed, we cried.

You cried. I cried.

You almost cried. No, you were great.

I think Josh is really hearing me. I mean, it seems like a little thing, but,

you know, we really made a breakthrough, and I'm so hopeful. I really think he's

going to change.

Take care, guys. Thanks again.

Like, I need help.

Hey, hon.

Mom, this is... I can't. No, like, I just cleared all my... All right, whoa,

whoa. Avery, packing for college. Oh, my gosh. I don't know where the time went.

It just seems like yesterday she was like this little girl.

I'm not ready for her to go.

I don't know where to start. I have so much stuff. All right, take a breath.

Here, let's breathe.

So, seriously, this is really good. Breathe in for four. Go ahead, breathe

for four.

Deep breath through the stomach like you're singing. Deep breath.

Breathe in for four. Hold it for four.

Now breathe out for six.

Hold it for two.

Breathe in for four.

Hold for four.

So hold it longer.

It helps. It helps. It helps.

We don't have to do everything at one time.

I just want to close my eyes in for it to be done. I don't know how people do

that. Okay, you know what?

That's why Dad and I are going to help you.

What you wear every day to school. I don't have an anxiety attack. Okay, so

let's just get it together here.

I am definitely putting on a brave face for Avery because I know she's as

nervous as I am about her leaving home.

Inside, I'm crumbling, but outside, I'm a rock.

So you have the gray ones, which are great. They're neutral.

These are great. Your Michael Kors flats. These are your Michael Kors that

love. These are your preppy Jackie Rogers.

These are your sneakers to work out in.

Yeah. I think you're... Oh, my gosh. Yeah, it's a joke. You have, like,

shoes for a month to wear a different shoe for, what, every day of the month?

pairs. Okay, fine.

I think I went to college with, like, four pairs.

Mom, okay, can we stop referring to when you went to college?

It's not the same.

I didn't realize you had this many shoes. Mom, I... I don't know where

going to put all this stuff.

You have to line these up under your bed.

This is overwhelming.

Okay, hold on.

I thought these shoes were uncomfortable for you, though. No, I wear them.

They're sick.

What does that mean, they're sick?

They're cool, like... Oh, sick means cool?

I can't believe you're leaving in two days.

Yeah, I don't know how I'm supposed to see, like, I have a list of people to

see. I don't know if I'm supposed to pack.

I think I was avoiding the packing. I was like, you know, I didn't want this

point to come.

But now I'm here.

You know, it's going to be bittersweet. There's going to be some sadness to it,

but there's going to be a lot of great new things. And I think once you get

there and you're in the groove of it, you're going to have the best time of

life. This is part of you growing up. I mean, you can't stay in this room

forever.

Right? You can't stay my little girl forever. In my heart, you'll always be

little girl.

But, you know, you need to blossom and become the woman that I know you're

to be.

Phenomenal. It'll be okay.

We're going to be okay.

We're going to be okay.

Seriously.

Hello.

Nice to see you.

It's the god of prosthetics.

Okay. Talk to me about your prosthesis. If you had a wish list, what are the

types of things that you're looking for?

I'd like to be able to wear a variety of different types of shoes, and I'd like

to have cosmetic covers on the legs. She knows nothing about that, but don't

listen to her.

Nothing about shoes or pedicures. People have a closet full of shoes.

People's got a closet full of legs.

Heather Abbott is a woman from Boston who was severely injured at the marathon

bombing. She lost her leg below the knee, and I've been working with her

and we've developed a friendship.

How did you guys meet?

Aviva came to see me when I was in the hospital, when I had just made a

to have my leg amputated.

How did all that go for you in the beginning?

I had a decision to make, but it wasn't much of a decision, just based on the

type of life I would lead if I kept the leg, because it really wouldn't be

functional.

It seemed like this would be the best way to get me back to my life the way it

used to be.

And meeting people like Aviva was very helpful to see that, you know, that can

happen. When you lose a limb, you feel like your life is not going to have the

same quality as before.

And I know that life without limbs is limitless.

So I have a couple different types of samples of feet that we fabricate.

Four people.

And you can paint the toenails and everything?

You can paint the toenails. They are acrylic.

You want to see?

Here, I'll show you mine.

And it stays on? Oh, yeah. Wow. I've been working with Eric, oh, how many

husbands ago?

Yeah, too long ago. And I trust him like a brother.

And I thought, you know, a step ahead is going to make you a life free of

charge. Oh, my gosh, that's terrific.

Being with Heather reminds me of what's important in life and what's not

important and how petty my so -called friends really are behaving right now.

Thank you for making us feel pretty and feel good. Nice seeing you again.

Really. What would a girl do without you?

Coming up... The city is crying

because you're leaving.

You ready to get in the car and go to the airport?

Don't cry, y 'all.

Last time walking Coco.

Last time walking Coco.

Honey, you'll be back. But I know it because it's like a new chapter. It's

raining. It's crying.

The city is crying because you're leaving.

You ready to get in the car and go to the airport?

Yeah.

The reality, as Farley said it, Avery is off to college.

This is reality.

It's here now.

Maybe we'll get a place in Atlanta.

Oh, my God.

Need to let her spread her wings and fly.

I know.

Yes.

Don't cry, y 'all.

It's good to cry.

It's heart -wrenching.

It's a passion. I do it every day, except, you know, when you go away for

then you always come back in a couple weeks. This time you're going away for,

like, a long time.

I've got to try to hold it together.

It's like someone's ripping out my inside.

It's like my guts are coming out.

And I know it's healthy for her to leave, and she needs to blossom like the

little bird out of the net.

but it doesn't make the pain any less. It really doesn't. It's going to be like

a void in the house.

We've got to get another kid or something.

It's going to be empty.

I guess we'll have to come down and see you more than we think.

My husband and I are so proud of the young woman Avery has become, and we

mold her, Mario and I.

When I was little, I wanted to be a ballerina. Then I wanted to be the next

Marisha Repova, and now I don't know what I want to be.

Mom. What, Avery? I'm not going to dance. I'm not going to talk to you.

Well, I can talk to your friends and dance with them. No, you can't do

I feel very relaxed now.

It's a first.

Oh, my God.

We're here.

I have to say, she's phenomenal.

I look at her, and I'm like, whoa.

All right, this is it. We're taking you to Atlanta, but I'm still freaking out.

See you, NYC.

Hopefully, she won't change.

Don't give me those eyes.

I don't want them to come.

So wonderful here. You can feel the energy of it. You like the energy?

We're very close to the New York Public Library. And the Morgan Library.

There's been a lot of movement in my relationship with Harry, and that's kind

scary. So I need some guidance.

I want my aluminum count to go up because it gives you dementia.

It gives me an excuse.

What's this?

Aluminum in your blood. It gives you dementia and Alzheimer's. I said, no

I can't find the word sometimes.

Let's do the cards. You can see my mind is going in a million directions.

My own business, my love life.

Yeah. I can count on Thomas John to commune with my spirits on the other

just to make sure I'm going in the right direction.

So the first thing that it's saying is that you're very protective in the

world. Your intuition, your spiritual journey is really important right now.

intuitive. You know, I have a little bit of psychic ability myself with my

Pisces moon and 11th house of partnerships.

There's another thing here. Hold on.

It says you're going to have more balance with money. It says that money

going to increase for you. A lot of stuff with your home, so your home is

to be balanced. That situation will work itself out, even though there's a lot

of drama around that.

Thomas John is always right.

He said that Ramona would go off the deep end.

Check. He said that my businesses would explode.

Check. And he said I would fall in love again.

Check. He is super good.

Let's pull one more for good luck. Okay.

There's one devil in your inner circle.

It's actually a woman who's more like a contemporary.

Contemporary woman who is a devil possibly.

Who presents like they're not, but they're really the devil in disguise,

know? Someone who's very deceptive.

Blonde or brunette? Not blonde.

She's a brunette?

Yeah. Is her name Carol?

Not Carol.

That's very disappointing.

I hope you're wrong on that.

I know you're laughing because you've never been wrong.

I have a devil in disguise in my inner circle.

And she's brunette?

Really? Is it Heather or is it Luann?

You know, Luann's been giving me a lot of shit.

You're so handsome tonight. Oh, thank you. Are you sure you're gay?

Headless mannequins, and then we have mannequins with crazy hair.

We have an apple tree above, which she will be reaching for an apple. Can

we do something with that hair?

Honey, honey, darling.

Planning this birthday was just so much. Carol had a checklist of so much to do

that I knew the right thing was to bring in the professionals. And so I hired a

party planner. And I just hope she's happy.

How are these boobers? Okay, they're okay.

I need my dress for tonight. That's really important.

I know.

Heather is the perfect person to plan my party. If you want done, call Heather.

Hey, Sean, do you guys know where the votive candles are?

She'll take something and she follows through and she's like a dog with a

She doesn't let up until she gets to her goal.

So you'll bring them out? Tell me later. Hi.

Hello. Hi. Hi.

I've been looking for you. Get these waxed and polished. These are not

shiny enough.

Someone dress that other mannequin.

Heather, where's the lace curtains for the door?

Is it them?

Okay. Here we go.

Yeah, can you help him take them out, Eric?

They're not dark enough.

Carol's here to help, but I think it might have been better if she just

away. There's more demands coming out of her.

Can you take all of this stuff that's not candelabra off this and put it on

props table? These are only candelabras. OK. At this point, we've got to go with

what we got.

I wonder who's going in the drink. This is tonight.

Whoops.

Weird. Just make it weird. OK.

I have some bad news.

I just got a call from the snake handler.

The health department nixed him being here because you can't have a snake in a

restaurant. It's against health code. I have to go through the right permit.

How come he's learning about this now?

Well, because he was filing the paperwork to come through his business.

know how snake handlers file paperwork.

No snake handler?

Every party needs a snake.

Do you know who this is?

Carol. The nails.

What nails?

No. Manicure? No?

How many? You're having each one do each nail?

I know for a fact that Heather has all the bases covered, so I thought, why not

use that time to get a manicure?

You're getting a manicure. I'm getting a manicure. I'm only getting a manicure

because you're bossing everyone around.

You're getting a manicure. I know. I'm getting a manicure.

All right, so who's coming? We got, from our crew, we've got, what, Aviva? We've

got...

I can't believe I just said that.

Hell no.

I'm going to invite Aviva. Thank you.

I'll invite her to my next party, Midnight in the Garden of Evil and Evil.

The sequel.

Coming up.

Let me just say something to you. I'd like to take it to another level.

Here. Have you really thought about this? I thought about this.

How's that getting out? Good. My dress is not the easiest to get in and out of

cars, is it?

Tonight is Carol's 50th birthday party. Her theme is Midnight in the Garden of

Good and Evil, and I naturally will be evil.

Oh, wow, look at this.

It's pretty, right?

All of my hard work paid off, and I think it's going to be a fantastic

I'm, like, emotional over it. It's beautiful.

Thank you. I wear my mask. It matches heaven.

Do you think people will know who I am?

No, absolutely not.

What a beautiful face.

Heather did such a good job.

I really feel the good and evil. And I really feel evil all of a sudden. You do

look evil. Not evil. It's going to be a good night.

Where's Miss Carol? I don't see her.

I don't see the birthday girl.

Where is she?

Hello. Wow, so many more friends.

Harry, look at you.

Gorgeous.

There's Lou.

Wow.

You have no idea how much butterflies, especially when it's black and white

butterflies. They're kind of dead.

He's dead.

Do you want to borrow mine?

Where's Monsieur LeJacques?

It's a good question, and I'm sure it was going to come up. And, you know,

Jacques and I right now, we're taking a break, and I'm really upset about it.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

Jack and I broke up, and it's really hard because we both love each other,

we are really, really sad right now. So it's been a really rough time for me.

Luann says they're both just going to take time apart.

That's kind of a witty excuse.

Do we have non -alcoholic things here?

There's no water.

I didn't order water.

Oh. We need to talk.

Okay. Later. All right.

What are you drinking?

Thank you.

I never celebrated my birthday since my husband passed away. And I definitely

didn't think I would like turning 50. But I feel both sexy and empowered and

strong. I do still have a good ass, though that helps.

It's been a very rough two weeks for me. That's why I haven't been myself.

We're going to be cheering you up. Everything happens for a reason, though,

know. You did the right thing. You don't know it now.

Why were you the one who broke it off? We have been bickering back and forth

a while. This has been going on for months. And frustration.

We're just at two different places right now in our lives. And as much as we

love each other, we love each other enough to recognize it.

And it's just so hard because he's like my, he's my rock, he's my best friend.

He's like so many things to me. He means everything to me.

My life is going in one direction and I think his life is going another.

And that really makes me sad because, you know, it's been over four years that

we're together and we don't want the same things anymore.

It's really hard because when you're with somebody all the time and you're

to them being around you and you wake up in the morning and they're not there

anymore.

Something has been broken, and I don't even know how it got to that place.

It's terrible every time I see him because I just want to take him home

I'm like, and he's like, you know what? You need this break. I need this too,

too. But I don't miss the relationship.

All right. Which gives you an idea of how it's been the last couple of months.

Right. Well, there you go.

I want him to have a family. I know. I really do. And it's selfless for you to

think that, and I think that's really admirable.

Oh, thanks.

It's your birthday. I'm not crying tonight.

It's my birthday, and you can cry if you want to. I know. Exactly.

I don't want to be the center of attention anyway. I'm happy that Luann,

not happy Luann broke up with Jacques, but that's terrible.

This is beautiful. She did such a amazing job. You should see that this

afternoon. I'm so happy I came. Amazing. I think we should, you should have a

little toast.

Yeah, I actually do.

I have a very good little toast, I think. You do?

Yeah, yeah. Mm -hmm.

You have stayed in shape. You've never looked better. I just need to see that

you're going to be a partner in our relationship.

You're going to be serious and pull your weight. Don't look at Lou.

I'm trying to talk to you, and Lou's like, hi, been there, done that.

The bottom line is, I want to be with you.

I know they're very weak. When you say be with me, you mean between the sheets.

You just want to have fun. You want to party, dance at the table, and be with

me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I want this door.

Please.

Okay, well, how are you going to convince me?

I really believe that Sonia and Harry should make some type of commitment to

each other and then see where it goes. Because right now, they're just going in

circles.

Let me just say something to you.

I'd like to take it to another level between me and you.

And I don't want you to think that I'm not serious about you.

And I'm totally serious about you.

I thought about this.

And this is a ring for you.

It's not your engagement ring. Okay.

But it's a step to...

That.

And here.

Do you like it?

I love it.

It's a nice ring for you, but I'll get you a nicer one.

This is just a ring to tell you how much I love and care for you.

Period. Done.

What can I tell you? No one knows me better than Harry.

He's charismatic. He cracks that grin of his.

He's wearing his cute velvet jacket.

I have to admit, the possibilities are endless.

He knows me. He gets me.

Maybe it's just meant to be.

Are we going to tell anybody?

No. This will ruin it. People are jealous.

Check, check, one, two, check, check, check, check, check, check. Do you see

some rocks in the house? That's right.

No, I'm not Pope Daddy.

Welcome to Carol Razzie.

Well, when I sat down to write a speech, in my inbox popped an email from my

dear, dear friend, Carol.

And I think it pretty much sums it up.

Hey, Heather.

I can't thank you enough for helping with the party.

I know you're going to give a toast, so I just wanted to go over a few things.

You know with our friends, it's hard to get an award edgewise.

Let's get toast out of the way before too much alcohol is served.

You know how that goes down.

One of the best attributes of Carol is she really knows how to laugh at

Be discreet. Don't mention any of our nights at Cherry or anything we did

midnight at Boom Boom or the time we snuck off in the parking lot during the

Aerosmith concert. Actually, don't mention Aerosmith at all.

Don't say 50 is the new 30. I hate cliches.

Dirty isn't so great anyway.

I don't want any surprises. And don't get the stripper dressed as a fireman or

naked man jumping out of a cake. I love you. See you soon, Karen.

Who doesn't need them roasting on their 50th?

He wrote it for me.

Wait, you won't believe this.

Mario asked Luanne where Jacques is, and she said it broke up.

Oh, please, I'm already pissed off about it. What are you pissed off about? When

is she going to tell me that she and Jock are on the rocks? I spent all the

with her in Montana.

Maybe she's embarrassed.

You're not embarrassed when you're a real friend. You're not embarrassed when

you're friends.

Don't embarrass me in front of the girls saying that I'm a friend.

Apparently, I'm the last to find out.

Carol knows.

Kristen knows.

Her new best friend.

I know Luann much longer than those girls. And she's been giving me that I'm

there for her?

I have something to talk to Lou about. All the time that you were dumping on me

and venting, I kept saying to you, you have Jacques all the time. You have the

perfect life. You have the lunches. You have the house. You have the alimony.

Why didn't you say to me, I'm really sensitive right now because I'm going

through something with Jacques. You didn't share that with me. You know

that point,

it had come to a head.

Sonia finds out that I've broken up with Jacques, and her first concern is...

About Sonia. You're going to tell me this happened overnight.

No, it happened a couple of weeks ago. You didn't share any of that with me. I

know, because you know what? I don't want to talk about it. And then you're

telling me that you feel like I'm not there for you, but you're not telling me

any of that. I'm so happy she found a way to make my breakup about her.

I love Jacques. I love what you've done. I love Jacques, too. I love the four

years you've had together. I love Jacques, too. But I am ready to see you

forever just what I want for myself.

But not that Jacques isn't fabulous.

I don't think he's forever.

That's what I told you.

And that's the problem. I'm not sure Harry's forever.

I don't know about Harry. Well, I don't know about Harry forever either.

Coming up.

I took the ring off and put it in my purse.

No, that's not a good sign.

And I'm singing for you because by now I'm quite lit.

Heather and Carol, they're saying, oh, you know, I'm going to get someone to

come sing at my party. It could be Tony Bennett, Puff Daddy. Well, who do they

get to sing?

You're surprised it fell through.

But who gives a shit?

I mean,

that's really lame.

And they sang so weird. What was the song? I didn't get it, and I don't want

get it.

I'm not feeling it.

Oh, thank God. Here it is. Oh, my God, Heather. That's amazing.

Now, don't blow out your candles, bitch. Oh, okay.

That is the craziest cake I've ever seen.

I thought it all turned out perfectly.

It was perfection.

Hi. Look at you. I love this dress on you. Everyone is telling me how gorgeous

you look tonight. You look better.

My dress compliments yours.

Nice, Mario.

Yeah.

Now, let me look at your rock.

And that's a major investment.

Is that your first ring or a promise ring?

That was my first and only ring.

Harry just gave me a ring.

He did?

You're the first I'm going to tell. I'm going to tell Luann.

Luann didn't even tell me about his job, okay?

Bottom line is, Harry just gave me a ring. It was so pretty.

What did he say? What did he say? He said he loves me and he wants to be with

me. He's afraid to lose me because he knows I'm ripe for the picking right

Okay, I told him, you know what? If you don't step up to the plate with Sonia,

you're going to lose her. That's true. And I know Harry really cares about you.

That is the thing. I get really mad at him like I get mad at you, but I always

know he means well for me.

You are stellarly beautiful.

You know, Harry, we know each other very well. I know.

Don't believe me. I'm not.

Now I'm not.

You're not. So you're happy? Are you happy?

I'm scared.

Because, yeah, love is scary.

Did you know what? I put the ring on. I took the ring off and put it in my

purse.

Is that rude?

No, that's not a good thought.

Really? Okay. Totally.

Okay. You know what? Totally? Really?

Okay. Oh, my God.

So you have to take risks in life.

And it's scary because you've been alone for so long. You've been on your own

trying to be really strong.

But you know what? In a way, we're strong on the outside, but you and I are

marshmallows on the inside.

We're both softies. You know, I'm single now.

Let's get out of here.

I'm ready to leave, so I'm looking for Harry.

Where's Harry?

Next time on the season finale of The Real Housewives of New York City.

Harry just left with Lou.

Left me in the dust.

I personally still think that I look good. Um, hello, model wife over here in

the corner.

There's a lot of opportunity with going a little bit younger.

I'm like, she just looks like Harry. Have you lost your mind? What is this

bullshit? Don't point your dagger at me, honey, because you're pointing in the

wrong direction.

Aviva's coming to the Sonya party. Yeah.

Really? As far as I'm concerned, she's an outsider at this point.

Going down.

So they're all mad. Right? They're emotional vampires.

I find that laughable. Let me tell you something, Heather.

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