Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

Excuse me, can you tell me where the artists' rest home is, please?

It's right there, don't you see it? It's huge!

Thanks a lot!

First love

What d'you want?

There's a reservation in the name of ugo cremonesi,

comical actor. It's too late to show up now.

Dinner was served a long time ago.

Don't you worry, I had a copious meal in a restaurant.

- What do you do here? - I'm the gardener, steward, Porter...

- Do you also carry bags? - Yes.

Great, then get this suitcase.

No, that's my finger. Take the handle.

- It's my finger! - Wow, it's heavy!

- How's living here? - Just like you're at home.

Was hoping it'd be a little better...

Wow, what an entrance! Looks like the Milan station.

- Feels so gloomy... - D'you have a cigarette?

Yes, why? Did you run out?

No, I only smoke other people's cigarettes.

Oh, yeah? Don't count on mine, then.

- Never mind, then. - Come on...!

Holy shit, man...

What a chandelier... A little run down, maybe...

What was this, ramses' tomb?

An old hotel where the town hall turned it into a retirement home for artists.

Imagine! Queen Margarita used to spend her summers here!

- Listen... what's your name? - Pino.

Pino, might there be a leftover ham sandwich in the kitchen?

- One million. - Two million.

- Fold. - I'll bet 4 million.

Damn! I didn't know the rothschilds were staying here too...

Don't mind them... they talk millions, but a million is three lira.

- I'll see your 4 million. - And me.

- Three tens. - Straight.

- Where are we going now? - To see the commandant.

The commandant?! Pino, maybe I didn't get it right, but...

Is this a rest home or a barracks? The director was in the army, a colonel.

Here it is. This is his office.

Here.

Ah, got to pull.

Excuse me...

Am I interrupting?

Yes, you are. But it's my duty to attend to you anyway.

Allow me to present myself, ugo cremonesi, better known as picchio.

You surely must have heard of me.

Never.

Well, now you have!

Violoncello, eh? A beautiful instrument!

Please don't touch the violoncello!

Don't worry, I...

Nope, nothing happened! It's all right!

Speaking of violoncellos, you know what they say?

"Pissing without farting is like playing without a bow."

I'll have you know I don't like jokes, and comics even less.

I am a comic with class and after 40 years of success

in the business, because of a bureaucratic oversight,

is that correct? - Yes, it is.

Good... I'm still waiting for them

to pay the arrears on my pension.

Your problems don't interest me. Just remember

that while you're a guest here in this house you should respect

the rules like everyone else.

Yessir!

One more thing: If you have come here

to fuck me in the ass, you've gone through the wrong door.

Now tell him to take you to room number 17.

17? No, I won't stay in room 17.

It's the only room available.

Then I'll take it.

It's just that a friend once had room 17 and...

I don't care about your friend's problems.

- Good night. - Good night.

What a great start.

The commandant assigned me to room 17.

Yeah. It became free this morning because the old tenant died.

This is the room. The key is in the lock.

Thanks a lot, and all the best.

Very generous of you...

Commandant!

- Sir! - You again...

There's a dead man in my room.

- You see what I mean about number 172... - Number 17 is just an odd number.

Oh, yeah? Come see, please.

Let's see.

Look at him. Stiff and dressed in black.

But... he was here!

Look, sir, I assure you...

I'm sure that you and I are not going to get along.

I'm sure of that, too. I mean...

Sir...

Oh, I'm exhausted!

Come on!

What are we doing?! Training for marcialonga?

Hey! What are you doing?

Breathe in!

Good morning! Did you have a nice workout?

Hello, dear!

Look who's here! Picchio!

- Augustarello! - Picchio!

I'm here, friend. Your picchio always standing fast.

Yes, like defending porta pia!

- Hello there, vilma! - Picchio, what a pleasure to see you!

- You were great! - I still am!

Come and sit with us! Sit down, sit down!

Sooner or later we all end up here.

Whoa, there. I'm only here for a short holiday.

But mostly driven by nostalgia. You want to know the truth?

I've really come to see all my old friends again.

- You don't believe me? - By the way,

did you run into piuppi pogalletti?

- Dead. - Dead?

- And nuccia d'alba? - Also dead.

- And constantino? - No, not he.

Constantino has three more years to retirement.

- But I don't think he'll make it. - Really?

- And that singer? - Dead, dead, dead.

- What was his name? - Giorgio floris.

What did I tell you? Also dead.

Useless asking, they're all dead.

It seems you're the only ones holding out.

- Black or with cream? - Black. Make it strong, eh?

This is strong.

And you?

Black. And if possible, a smile.

Pardon.

I'll give you the coffee now.

The smile when I feel like it.

Ah, riddles, huh?

- And the sugar? - It already has sugar.

- What do you think? - Well, could work for a one night stand.

I meant the coffee.

I've had better in the San vittore prison.

And Gemma, that girl that was with you in palermo?

Dumped her. The only woman who stayed with me

more than 15 days is my mother.

No! Is that Lucy!?

Lucy!

- Picchio! - My love!

- Does he bite? - No.

- How do I look? - Cute as a baby!

You know you look younger than you did ten years ago?

But not you, you were better a few years ago.

I did? - Yes.

As if you didn't...

One says that as a compliment,

but, my dear Lucy, time passes for everyone.

- What a boor. - Come on, it's a joke.

You're still a beautiful women. Acceptable.

I said milk with coffee, not coffee with milk.

For me a little more coffee with milk, please.

I've already served you.

Now you're even after young girls?

Who, her? Please...

- I didn't even see her. - But you undressed her with your eyes.

Lying continues to be your favorite hobby.

Did you think I'd forget?

You said you were going out for a newspaper and you went to palermo,

leaving me alone in that hotel room,

without even having paid the bill.

You didn't get upset for that, did you

of course not, I laughed a lot.

Enough, lucio! Do you know what I'm saying? I can't take anymore!

Find yourself someone else! I'm leaving!

Fred! Where're you going?!

What're you doing?! Don't be so dramatic!

Come here, please forgive me! Is it me or are they a bit queer?

Reading anything interesting?

Excuse me, aren't you the great palmiro calderoni?

No, sorry.

Chess, eh?

He's asleep.

Check to the queen.

Mr. ugo cremonesi, stage name picchio...

Hasn't anyone ever told you that a bit of exercise in the morning

is good for your health?

- No. - Fine. Then I'm telling you.

Tomorrow at 8 sharp, you will join the rest of us in the park.

I've always been told that waking up late in the morning

is good for the skin. That was just an advice.

Right.

Whereas, I'm giving you an order.

- Good morning, Renata. - Good morning.

Come in!

Ah, great!

If you'll step out a moment, I'll do your room.

You could also do it with me here.

It doesn't bother me. In fact, if you allow me

I'll lend you a hand.

As you wish.

I've made so many beds...

How old are you?

18. And you?

Uh... many-three.

53? But retirement age is 60.

No. One retires after thirty years of working.

I've got 35 years under my belt.

I started as a child prodigy.

You have little eyes that I don't like at all.

Why not?

One day, on a packed bus,

there's this guy who puts his hand between my legs.

He had little eyes like yours.

- And d'you know who he was? - No. Who was he?

A priest.

- Well I'd never do that. - Become a priest?

No, what the priest did.

Not that I wouldn't like it, on the contrary.

I just know my place.

When you think a thing it's the same as doing it.

What's that got to do with it?

For example, I've thought of inviting you to the movies,

but I haven't told you. If you don't move, I'll sweep your feet.

Sorry. So are you coming or not?

- Where? - To the movies.

You haven't asked me. You've only thought it.

- Yes, that's true, but... - I bet that now...

You're going to ask me which is my day off.

- Which day is it? - Thursday.

Is the cinema open on Thursdays?

The cinema is, but I'm closed.

- What will you do on that day? - I'll go see my grandmother.

I could take you there in my spider.

This way you won't run into any more priests.

It looks like I found another priest. Good day.

Bravo! Bravo, Fred! Bravo, my little boy!

- Don't exaggerate! - Bravo, Fred!

Bis! Bis!

Will you buy a raffle ticket? Raffle?!

- Yes. - What raffle?

We try to guess which of the pensioners here

will die first. You write your guess here.

And if you guess right, you get the pot.

- D'you get it? - Isn't it a little macabre?

Well, yes, but it's just a game like any other.

Besides, since death is at our doorstep

it's best to laugh and make light of it.

- Here. - Give me 500 lira.

Sure...

You bastard! You wrote my name!

You said we had to laugh at it, right? Well then?

You son of a bitch!

When we worked with those twins in Milan,

what was the name of the one you had? Nieves.

And the other one, the one who went on eating, what was her name?

Dolores. I always took out Nieves because she was on a diet.

But one day I mistakenly invited the other one

to lunch at savini.

Got hit with a 4,000 bill...

Renata!

Didn't you say Thursday was your day off?

- Where are you going? - I told you: To see my grandmother.

And the basket with the cake? Where did you leave it?

Have you forgotten it?

- What basket? - Like little red riding hood.

- Goodbye. - No, wait, I'll take you.

You'll get there quicker and avoid the big bad wolf.

I think you're wasting your time working in that sort of prison.

In that graveyard, with this body of yours.

You know, you could work in the theater!

Improving your diction, of course.

And what would I do in the theater?

I could make a great soubrette out of you!

I can see you coming down the stairs in the nude, dressed only in sequins.

Yeah... I'd love it.

I'd really like that.

It's got to be better than turning beds. You know, they wet the beds?

I know... who?

The old ones.

Can you stop at the shop? I want to buy some gum.

Muratti, whites, please.

- 800. - Here.

Little red riding hood!

How's your grandmother?

Fine, thank you.

Did she eat the cake?

What are you doing here? Spying on me?

No. It's just that I too got lost in the forest.

In that case I'll show you the way.

Bottom of the stairs, first floor, room 17.

Good night.

I've been with my grandmother all day.

And I have no intention of spending the night with grandpa.

I unite you in matrimony, in the name of the father,

the son, and the holy ghost. Amen.

I don't understand how a woman so young and beautiful

can get married to a man so old.

Because she's Polish and marriage gets her Italian citizenship.

And then she can go to bed with whomever she pleases.

We're in a church, watch your language!

Marriage should be for love, not convenience!

It should unite and not separate...

It should be companionship, not solitude.

Therefore, may god help me

for declaring you man and wife.

What's the matter, you're crying?

It's nothing, I always cry at weddings.

That's exaggerating... What will you do on your wedding day?

- I won't get there. - How's that?

I'm not going to marry!

See how my heart's beating...

You feel it?

It's not my fault that the heart's behind a breast.

Long live the bride and groom! Hurray!

Kiss the bride! Congratulations!

Today is a day of celebration for our house and for our family.

Because we are a family

and a family means unity, it means agreement...

Hey, your shoe's untied.

We rejoice in this happy occasion

and give our beloved friend our sincerest congratulations.

And now, let's politely approach the refreshment table..

Let's go.

I'm sorry to leave you like this...

Normally, after wedding, the bride and groom...

Do you want you to be alone with me, go to your room...

Want you to make love?

Make love? Me? Not anymore...

But you could write me a letter

once in a while.

The trick is to last until you're 80.

Because I've discovered that after 80

hardly anyone dies.

That's true!

I'll leave the door open tonight.

You're a good dancer.

A gentleman dances well when the lady follows him.

- And how am I doing? - Badly.

No... You dance like ginger Rogers.

- Sorry. - No, wait.

Would you allow me this dance?

Tell me, ugo, you wouldn't be falling in love with the maid?

Me?!

The word “love” doesn't exist in my vocabulary.

Miss, a man is waiting for you. He said you to hurry.

Forgive me, love, I have to go.

Goodbye, sir. You're leaving? I'll see you out.

Goodbye, and congratulations.

Write to me!

I thank you in the name of our pensioners

for the marvelous donation.

Attention!

Attention! Attention!

Our beloved picchio is going to delight us with one of his acts!

No need to... A round of applause for picchio!

I'll do some impersonations.

The guys in a pool hall: The drunk.

The second person at the pool hall: A guy a little bit like that

He's a homo!

Renata are you bringing my coffee or what?!

That bitch! Always pretends not to hear you...

- Renata! - I'm coming!

What manners! If there was a man in here he'd show you!

Careful, those games at our age can be dangerous.

- Shoulders on the ground. - No.

- Give up! - No.

- Shoulders on the ground! - No.

- Shoulders on the ground! - No.

- Give up. - I do.

Deal.

Finally, here's the coffee!

Thank you.

I'll teach that theatre actor his manners!

If you bring this to me later, I'll mend it for you.

Yes.

Thank you, picchio.

For what?

I found out you've fought for me.

Ah, yeah... l sure have...

Are we playing or no?

- Let's play... - Let's play.

- What the hell are you laughing about? - Nothing, nothing.

- Let's play. - It's your turn.

- Who is it? - Me, Renata.

What do you want?

I can't sleep.

And?

Have you tried counting sheep?

Hang on, I'll give you a sleeping pill.

- I'm scared. - Scared? Of what?

I had a nightmare.

It happens sometimes... It happened when I was a little girl, too.

I've been crying.

And what do you want me to do?

If I could stay with you... I won't bother you, I promise.

I need to feel... That someone loves me.

I'll sit here, I won't bother you.

Why have you come here, to me?

You've been nice to me today.

I feel I can trust in you.

But you can't spend the whole night sitting in a chair.

It's better... you come here.

Don't be frightened. You said you trusted me. Over the covers.

- Won't you be cold? - No. I'm fine.

My arm's left on the other side... It doesn't matter.

Now it's me who can't sleep.

It snows so beautifully!

Commander, do you want an umbrella?

- I never use umbrellas! - Very well.

Are we going to the sea on this snow?

There's sun at the sea. Let's hurry, I want to be on time.

Quickly!

Come on! Hurry up!

- Lucio, have you brought the thermos? - You were supposed to bring it!

Me?! Always me!

Commander, may I sit next to you? Come along, no favoritism.

- Is everybody here? - Picchio's missing.

- Why? Where is he? - He's sick.

Too bad for him!

Guys, please, let's not be too noisy!

Pino! It's just us today, huh?

- We have the whole house to ourselves. - You can have my half.

Why's that? Don't you think we'd be fine, the two of us?

Look... I, sprawled on the armchair.

You cleaning up, waiting on me at the table,

cooking meals for me... Think of how great it'll be!

Great for youl!

- Who was that? - Who was who?

- On the motorcycle. - Oh, him? My brother.

You never told me you had a brother.

- It's nothing to brag about. - Oh, no?

Yeah... like when I took you to the kiosk and you left me stranded.

The truth is that day it's you who left me stranded.

- Me? - Of course!

I didn't go in to buy gum. I went in to use the bathroom.

When I came out, you were gone.

So then I thought: "How rude!

Acting the gentleman and then he leaves me here."

If you only knew what I thought...

You wouldn't be jealous, would you?

Me, jealous!? Please!

An artist can't be jealous. Curiosity...

I'd like to know something about your life.

The first time I ran away from home I was 11.

Renata, bring me the tomatoes!

And why did you run away?

Because they wanted me to make me eat carlotta.

Carlotta? Who's that?

A hen.

I loved her. We played together we were friends!

I slept at the train station

and when I got back I found carlotta's thigh in the refrigerator.

I took it and buried it in the orchard.

How long have you been working here?

I came when I was 15.

The director took me under his wing.

And to better protect you he took you into his bed.

How do you know?

Typical!

Does he still protect you?

No. I made him understand that if he tried again, I'd leave.

I'm tired of this place!

D'you know how much everyone's age in here adds up to?

4,620!

- Did you count me in that? - No.

Stand up, youth! Go outside and breathe some fresh air!

Take advantage of this beautiful day and breathe with your lungs full!

Yessir, colonel!

Didn't you hear me? You too! Go on!

Would you like a small liqueur?

- Will you have one with me? - Sure.

Next time I'll bring my violoncello and dedicate my favorite song to you.

Thank you!

I'll open it, Mr. ugo, but if ms Lucy finds out it's your problem.

Don't worry.

Look how beautiful she was!

You're telling me!? She was my soubrette and my friend.

But not even one photo of me, eh?

Hello, pallina!

How is that possible? Ah, there it is!

Ah! Taormina! See? That's me!

She was head over heels in love with me.

Want me to show you her dresses?

They're marvelous! Look...

- See? They're fabulous! - Ah, "castles in the sky"!

- And this one? - "All dressed up and nowhere to go"

- look, how chic! - "Ah! Blackbeard is waiting for you!"

And this one?

It's from the end of the first act of "paradise for all".

- How do I look? - You'd look fine even without it.

Oh! Look at that! "Bataclan number 1".

You see? All ostrich feathers.

Try it on. Let's see how it...

A little bit forward. Like that! The Pearl in the middle to the front.

You look like a queen!

Beautiful!

Come on, children!

It's time to go!

Faster! Faster!

Breathe in!

There, spread your arms. Right foot...

Sensually... two...

Three... four...

- The ass... - No, I'm embarrassed, I can't do this!

Come on, you're great! From the start!

Spread your arms. Sweet, sexy...!

Bravo! Stupendous! Formidable!

Come here...

Hey, dancer, they've come back!

- What do I do? - Go change. I'll retain Lucy.

Good evening, sir.

How did it go? Did everyone have fun?

- And you, did you have fun? - Well...

Turn off these lights. The council is paying for it.

Lucy, Lucy! Wait...

Lucy, where are you going?

Why don't we spend a little time together, eh?

- We never talk. - It's not my fault.

Yes, I know. It's probably my fault.

I haven't paid you enough attention. But you'll see that now...

You'll see that now...

Now... Why don't you go lay down for a bit?

You must be tired from your trip... Go on, I'll see you later.

- Yes... see you. - See you soon.

- Hey, picchio! You stayed here, huh? - You think I'm crazy?

You really must have enjoyed yourselves!

The manager surely did!

You think it's normal to have us travel 180 kilometers

for a little nookie?

- The power... - The power!

Mr. picchio, the manager would like to speak with you.

The manager? Is he imagining I'll do whatever he says?

We're not under his orders, I'll go see him when I feel like it!

- Go on! - I'll go right now.

Renata!

What happened?

- I don't seem to have heard you knocking. - Because I didn't knock.

Now I understand.

Do you know why I've called you?

I think so. I'm not sure, but I think I know.

- Think whatever you want, you're wrong. - It's for you to sign this document.

- May I read it? - It's for your pension.

I took care of it personally.

Oh, what an honor! Personally!

So that you can pay your bill like everyone else.

I'll sign, but I'm not counting on it.

Be honest, sir: You don't like me at all.

Bravo! You can also read my thoughts!

It's not difficult. One just has to pay attention.

You try it too. Concentrate and read what's written here.

- Can you read it? - Get out!

See you could do it?

You just have to concentrate. It's not hard at all.

Commander...

- You like it? - Well...

You look like new!

- Who's next? - Him, him...

Nothing to the hair,

just a touch-up to the beard. Gotcha!

- Excuse me, but... - Tell me.

It looks like the bird is out of the cage.

No.

Very well...

- There! Fixed! - Oh my god!

I have something for you. Guess what it is.

- Nice or...? - Nice, I think. Guess which hand it's in.

- In the left. - Correct!

Wanna bet it's a bill?

Easy, picchio...

Easy... it could be what you've been waiting so long for!

It is!

My severance payment! It's here! Renata!

Just a moment...

Oh my god!

What a thrill! - Oh my god!

- How wonderful! - My head is spinning.

Praised be the schmuck who took the bill!

Thank you... thank you!

You all are kind of stupid, but nice.

I'm sorry this kind of a farewell party...

I'd like to take you all around the world!

Who knows! We'll probably see each other again one day!

The later, the better! If you're still alive...

Go to bed, everyone!

You know the one about the parrot and the hen?

Will you let me tell it to you or not?

Lucy! What's the matter?

Are you ok?

Tell me the truth... am I old?

- Ugly? - No.

You're still precious... And desirable.

- You're just saying that. - No. It's the truth.

Come...

Picchio!

Don't ever trust a kiss at midnight...

Even if the moon is up, don't put your trust in it.

Because, because a midnight kiss...

Oh my god, how my head is spinning!

Sir, my love!

I marvel at you, ms!!

Don't ever trust a kiss at midnight...

Even if the moon is up, don't put your trust in it.

Because, because a midnight kiss...

Will make you fall in love!

Midnight is for love! Midnight is for dreams!

You're leaving tomorrow, but I assure you you'll not be missed!

Renata...

Wake up, Renata.

Good news... We're leaving tomorrow.

- Where to? - To Rome.

Who said I wanted to go to Rome?

What do you mean "who"? You said it!

Yeah, I probably did... But now, let me sleep!

- But, did you say it or not? - Yes, I might have said it,

but if I go, I'll go alone.

I don't want everyone saying that

Renata ran away with an old man!

Enough with the "old man"!

I never want to hear that again! Quit calling me old!

Don't ever say it again!

I'm sorry my love.

- So, are you coming or not? - You know that I always keep my word.

Yeah... except when changing ideas and doing the exact contrary.

So let's do this: You go, let me know where you are, and I'll follow you.

- You swear? - Swearing is useless!

You know I can break my oath. I know it.

Give me two or three days. Trust me.

Trust me... yes, I trust you.

I trust you...

- Or don't I? - You do! Let me sleep now.

I trust you.

Farewell, peace rest home.

Peace... hardly.

Rest...

If you can call it that...

Why are you standing there like a zombie? Get in!

- Well... shall we go? - Yes.

Tell me the truth... Do you regret leaving?

No, I was tired of all those old folks.

But you left with me.

Yes.

Am I not old?

No.

Why don't you try falling in love with me?

- It never occurred to me. - Well, think about it.

How does one know when one's in love?

It's easy. For example...

Would you use my toothbrush?

No.

Then it means you're not in love with me.

Why? Do you have to use the same toothbrush?

I, on the other hand, would use your toothbrush.

Why, are you're in love with me?

- No, not really. - Then you're in love with my toothbrush.

That's a good one!

Hey, guys, take a look!

Wow, what a doll!

Pretty, huh?

A babe, huh?!

Small dog, tall weeds...

What the fuck d'you want?

- Bye, Robert. See you in palermo. - See you then.

You were so hungry and now you're not eating!

I want to go back.

Why?

- Because I'm scared. - Scared of what?

- Of Rome. - C'mon!

Ugo, if you love me, take me back.

Let's do this... We'll go to Rome for just one day.

If you don't like it, I'll take you back.

If you like it, you stay. Alright?

Hang on a minute...

- Enjoying your meal? - Yes, thanks.

Why didn't you get the pot roast? They make the best in the world here!

- Oh, yeah? - For sure.

- Those guys... are friends of yours? - Yeah, why?

I think they're missing you.

I just wanted to pay a compliment to the young lady.

You shouldn't let a girl like her out...

Better keep her in a bank vault.

Are you her father?

No, he's my uncle.

- Can I offer you a digestif? - No, thanks.

Then I won't bother you any more.

Sounds like a great idea!

Excuse me...

Bye, niece. Naughty uncle, right?

Let's go, boys!

- How'd it go? - Great. Even got her phone number.

- He was nice. - Seemed a jackass to me.

He managed to brush up against you, didn't he?

A great start!

- Good morning. Come in. - Good morning.

Excuse me, is the concierge the one from last year? I don't remember his name.

- Carlo. - That's it, Carlo.

Come, my dear.

- Carletto, how are you? - Good morning, sir.

Give me a beautiful double room! The best you have, please.

- Let's see what we can do. - Thanks. With a view, if possible.

Even if it's on the pool.

My ID.

I'll give you room 320. One of the best.

Renata! Renata!

- Come here! - What does that mean?

I want you to meet a friend of mine.

He played right wing for gallaratese.

He's here because ternana wants to buy him.

Oh, yeah? Well, get his autograph and let's go.

What autograph? He's my friend. He's here because the club wants to sell him.

- D'you want me to buy him? - Don't be silly!

See you later, Aldo. It was good seeing you.

Same here.

- Allow me... - Come in, my dear.

Please...

Here we are...

Look, real fruit! Exotic!

This is the suite.

- What's this? - Bedroom and the living room.

Rome...

The eternal city, at your feet.

- Come in! - Excuse me...

- For the two of you. - Thank you.

Thank you - your keys.

Thank you.

Stereo...

And why a single bed?

That way, if you're scared at night, you'll have a place by my side.

How stupid of me! I hadn't thought of that.

Champagne... come in!

May 1? - Flowers.

- Here, dear... five thousand. - Thank you.

What beautiful roses!

You like them?

Flowers, even...

Thank you.

They're not from you, they're from the hotel.

Yes, but I paid for them.

Cheers!

Come in!

Who are you? You've got the wrong room.

Ugo, what did you do?

You don't like me like this?

At least, instead of saying I'm your uncle,

you'll be able to introduce me as your cousin.

Look what your cousin has brought you.

- How beautiful! For me? - Who else?

- It must've cost you a lot! - More than this one... a fake.

You know, the only ring I've ever had I got it from an easter egg...

Allow me, ma'am...

Thank you.

My god...

I hope I don't end up like professor unrat.

Who?

The main character in an old film: "The blue angel".

He fell madly in love with a dancer.

He went crazy, then you know what he did?

"Cockle doodle-doo!"

"Cockle doodle-doo!"

You understand, my little hen?

Cluck cluck cluck cluck?

"Cockle doodle-doo!"

- What do we do? Wait? - Wait?!

The agent is an old friend...

Here... no... this way

hello! Excuse us... come in.

My dear commendatore, how are you?

Ugo cremonesi, stage name "picchio".

Ah, yes...

So much time has gone by... Who knows what you've been thinking of me!

The truth is, I was a little bit worried.

Oh yeah? Well, I'm here. Picchio, always standing fast.

Look... Look what I've brought you.

Come, come, my dear.

- Good morning, commendatore. - Good morning, miss.

- Have a seat, please. - Thank you.

Well, let's get to the point.

I'm here to form a troupe for a great revue!

Lovely thought!

It's been at least ten years since there's been a revue!

And you get up one beautiful morning and want to resurrect it.

I'm talking something big... A grand spectacle!

Besides, we have the soubrette.

Renata mazzetti, stage name Renée bijou.

You know there's money.

How can I explain to you that the revues are dead?

And you know who killed it? The ham actors. Yes, the half-assed actors like you.

- Is that what you think? - Yes.

Then, you know what? I'm leaving.

I only told you to help you. I just wanted you to do business.

Let's go, Renata! What are you doing? Saying goodbye?!

You don't say goodbye to strangers and he is a stranger.

I don't know him, and if I don't know him, nor do you!

- Excuse miss, I wanted to... - Yes?

- Let's go, Renata! - Just a minute!

I wanted to tell you that, if you could come back alone...

We could set up something for you.

I'm sorry, commendatore. It's both of us, or neither.

Giovanna! I'm not in here!

- Here's the key, Gianni. - Have a good evening.

Will you get it into your head we're in a luxury hotel,

that costs 200,000 lira a day?

So what?

So you shouldn't act like you're staying in a boarding house.

Stick to "good morning,” "good night" with the staff and that's it!

No familiarities!

- Fine, uncle. - And don't call me uncle!

Fine, picchio. Now I have to go for a moment to the toilet.

Go on, take a piss.

Renata!

- Hi, Aldo, how are you? - Phenomenal! Ternana bought me.

They gave me a nice signing bonus.

- We should celebrate. Let's go to a bar. - I can't.

There's a nice bar near by.

- But we have to hurry. - Two minutes.

How can I help you, mr cremonesi?

- Have you seen my lady leave? - No, I haven't seen her.

Look in the box. She probably left a message.

This is your bill, Mr. cremonesi.

Excuse me...

Excuse me, do you have a light?

Can you tell me the time?

A quarter after midnight.

Thanks.

Excuse me... Could you play something happier?

- Concierge! - Yes, sir...

- What time is it, please? - 1:45.

- Er? - A quarter to two.

Don't be upset with me.

Let's go.

I knew you'd be angry. You're a little strange, you know that?

Why would I be upset?

I've waited for you just to say sorry for letting you go out alone.

Can I know where you've been?

I don't like it when you raise your voice!

I'll ask you in a calm voice... Where have you been?

Of course you assume the worst.

I don't assume anything. I just want to know where you were.

I went out with Aldo because ternana bought him

and he wanted to celebrate. Thank god it'sternana that bought him.

Had it been juventus, how long would you have been gone? Two days?

- I thought I'd be out for five minutes. - And you were gone for five hours!

Look how you are! You don't care that he got on the team!

Oh, don't you know how much I care about the ternana defense?!

So you don't care that I had fun?

Oh, sorry for not asking you sooner!

Forgive me! Did you have fun, my dear?

- It doesn't matter now. - It doesn't, eh?

- You could have let me know at least! - How?

What do you mean "how"? By telephone.

The stopper must have money for a token!

You'd have put the token in the slot,

called me, and I could have organized things, or gone to the cinema.

Go to the movies without me? You see?

So much you love me! You'd go to the movies without me... I did well not to call you.

Come. I just want to know one thing: Did you fuck with him or not?

I didn't do anything. And I don't like jealous men.

Well you should like it. I am jealous and you know why?

Because I love you... Because I love you, understand?

Why? Why do you make me suffer like this?

Don't you see you make me cry?

Why don't you stick out your tongue?

Stick out your tongue if you love me.

You see? You don't stick it out!

So windy! You see? That's Capri, the island of love!

Would you like to have a child?

With whom?

What do you mean with whom? With me!

And for you the fish soup.

Cheers!

A little kiss...

Forgive me...

Maybe the fish soup from last night didn't agree with me.

My darling...

My love...

I feel a lot better now.

Shall we try again?

It'll be better if we take a stroll.

Think so?

You've been wonderful today!

I'm always great in the afternoon!

Renata, I love you! I love you!

I love youl! I love you!

How come you've never told me you had a son?

Because I always forget I have one.

Since he was born I've only seen him 3 or 4 times.

- And what's he like? - You'll see for yourself.

He'll be here at seven.

But it's 7:10.

Is that him?

- Yes, that's him. - He's very handsome.

Italo!

- Dad! - How are you?

- This is... this is my girlfriend. - Enchanted.

- My secretary. - A pleasure.

- Shall we have a drink? - You want something to drink?

No. - No.

- Well I'll get my coat and we'll go. - Very well.

Let's go to your house.

- It's been so long since we've seen you - At least six years.

Could be ten.

- Are you still a revolutionary? - No, dad, she doesn't like it.

One time he had a molotov cocktail explode in the house.

Well, what a fine meal! Everything was delicious!

- Compliments to the chef. - To the chef?!

But we bought everything at the deli across the street!

The only one still selling us on credit.

What need was there of telling these things?

It's the truth. And they've surely noticed

the conditions we live in?

The house seems very nice, comfortable.

You call this a house? More like a pigsty!

Not only do I have to live with an old man,

but with one who doesn't bring home a penny!

If it wasn't for me typing up theses graduation papers,

we'd die of hunger.

I am a painter. If I can't sell my paintings, how is that my fault?

Come on, guys! Be happy! What's with all this sadness?

It's easy for you, living in the kind of hotel you live in.

I'm going to make coffee.

Renata, give her a hand.

Can I help you?

Come here, dad, I want to show you something.

Look, all of these paintings are mine.

You like them?

Nice... nice.

Very nice! Why only eyes?

- I specialized. - Ah, like an optometrist.

The paintings are nice, but for an exhibition

I'd need 300,000 lira.

And who's going to give that to me?

That's true... who?

What do you mean, who?

Your father will. I will.

Though I know you're so proud, you'll probably turn it down.

Well, I am very proud, but never with my father.

- You aren't? - No

then...

- Here you go. - Thanks, dad.

Don't be like me. Young people should be with young people.

It's already bad with the son, I can't imagine being with the father!

- There's nothing between ugo and I. - Come on, I saw it right away.

Does he have money? He's got some, but it's for business.

He'll go in business as soon as his son sells his paintings.

Don't you see? They're the same.

Do you plan on continuing with the eyes?

I used to also paint aspirins.

Ah, very well. A cup of coffee.

You didn't ask him for money, by any chance?

Because he's got no dignity.

He's got no dignity, but plays proud.

To tell you the truth, he didn't ask me for anything.

Of course not. Had he asked, you'd have given it to him, right?

Yes, if he had asked me for it, I would have given it to him.

- But since he didn't ask me... - Of course he didn't ask...

He has his pride, it's the only quality he has.

- Don't you have a television? - No.

How can you live without a TV?! No wonder you're so sad.

Alright, let's have some fun.

You remember that act, italo?

When you were little you came to the fosatti theatre when

I had my grand revue,

dora, Dani and picchio, remember?

I used to imitate Toto. Like this.

La vispa Teresa in three steps and four quarters.

Here I go.

La vispa Teresa on a cushion caught a bird in flight.

Here I go again.

She was extremely blithe, while holding it, she was shouting

here you must say "lying". Yes, father.

She was extremely blithe, while holding it, she was shouting sitting

you must say: "Lying". - Lying.

Lying, sitting, same thing.

“I got it! I got it!”,

the afflicted thing cried: “By living, by flying, what harm do I cause you?”

Interrogation Mark.

“You do hurt me by gripping my wings!”

“Let me go! I too am my father's and my mother's friend child!”

Everyone laughed a lot. Really.

I assure you the people died laughing. You remember that, italo?

It was a big hit.

I think it's time for us to go, ugo.

- How long will you be staying? - That depends.

Give me the key, lello.

Thank you.

- What floor is it? - Fifth.

Damn.

How can you say this hotel is better than the Hilton?

I've never said it was better, I said it had more... class!

Here.

Excuse me, why is the water coming out of the faucet brown?

They're working on the Metro.

I understand.

If anyone asks for me, I'm at the television.

Yes, sir.

There it is.

- That's the TV station? - Yes.

Seven hills television, it's written on the sign.

These days the private channels are more important than state TV.

And besides, I'm friends with a guy who is almost vice-president.

Sure. He'll probably turn you down too.

Turn me down? Don't make me laugh. He's a great friend of mine,

and he owes me money.

What did he say his name was? Picchio?

- Yes, yes. - Oh, , I know him. Tell him I'm not here.

But he's with a woman who's really hot!

What are you waiting for? Show him in.

Come in.

- Emilio! - My dear picchio!

- How are you? - Couldn't be better! You?

- Fine. - You see, Renata?

She didn't believe we were good friends.

- Who is this lovely young lady? - Renata. She's my soubrette.

- Pleased to meet you. - And what are you doing now?

Well, I'm setting up a great show

the usual stuff, but you know how long that takes.

The costumes, the decorations... And I thought maybe...

Maybe you... emiliol... I thought that maybe... Emilio!

I told myself maybe you could lend me a hand with a small role on TV.

Yes, you've done very well. You know we're looking for a sign-off girl?

You know, when the day's programming is done,

she says goodnight to the audience with sensual movements and words...

I think she might be just the person we're looking for.

- But I don't know how to do anything. - Don't worry...

- What's your name, miss? - Renata.

Come, come with me.

- And what about me? - First things first!

First we'll put her on, then you.

- I'm going to present her to my boss. - And what do I do, stay here?

Do what you want. If you like, take a look around the studio.

Make yourself at home. Watch out for the cables.

This is the production room.

I'm a friend of Emilio. - So?

Mister, can you get out of the way?

Oh, I'm sorry.

What are you doing here, what do you want?

Me? Nothing. I'm here to see the manager.

He's not coming today

what do you mean he's not here?

He's in Switzerland, he'll be back tomorrow.

Sorry.

No picchio, wait! You don't think...

We were just fooling around!

I see. Fooling around like your mother did with the 5th brigade!

Ugo, I swear, it's the truth!

And you were playing hide-and-seek with these panties, too?

No, I'm keeping these. Come here, you filthy slut!

Come on, come on.

Move it, you disgusting whore!

Move, harlot!

- What's going on? - What's happening?

Have you ever seen a whore? Here's one,

a perfect example!

No point in turning around, you're the same whore front and back!

Come on, move it!

And no crying, don't try to sway me!

Whore!

Rome. The political demonstrations of the students...

Whore!

You're hurting me! You made me lose an earring!

I don't give a damn about your earring!

Fine, I made a mistake, but I did it for you.

Oh, you did it for me! How great!

I wanted them to give you work, too!

Of course, because you already found work! Get out of here, stupid!

The truth is you're an easy lay, you should be ashamed!

I'm not ashamed! I'm only ashamed that

I slept with you! You know you could be my grandfather?

Better a grandfather than a whore!

Did you think I'd be faithful forever, r

like a soldier? - What soldier?

Who are you? What do you want from me?

No, not in the street!

Move! - No, no!

I'll humiliate you in public!

- Stop it! - Filthy whore!

Have you ever seen a top class slut?

Look! She's one of a kind! She does it for free!

These are her panties!

- The top bidder wins! - Enough!

- Stop it! - Leave her alone!

Whore! Whore! Whore!

Whore! Slut!

Leave her alone! Calm down!

What the hell, you hitting a woman!?!

You want another one? I'll make you eat dirt!

Whore... whore...

What the hell are you doing? Go on, move it!

Why are you sitting down?

Make room! Give me a hand!

Let us through, please!

Let's put him in this taxi.

We can leave now.

Has he laid an egg, or what?

Quickly, to the hospital!

If every patient were like you, our work would be a lot easier.

Really?

If I've slept four weeks in a row...

But between one therapy and another you've given us a lot of laughs.

Thank you.

And please, take the drops I gave you. I will.

Fifteen drops every six days.

No, six drops for fifteen days.

Yes, yes... damned memory!

If you need me, call.

- Goodbye. - Yes, bye.

I've come to collect something belonging to me.

Has anyone called asking for me?

Uh, hold on...

You got two calls from Mrs... Macetti.

- Who's that? - I don't know.

Anyway, here's the message. With her number.

- May I use your telephone? - Sure, 50 lira.

Hello, who is this?

Seven hills television, sir, good morning.

Good morning. Please, could you tell miss...

Yes?

Macetti?

I'm sorry, she's in the studio, shooting.

I understand. Ok, I'll call back later.

- Where did you say I was calling? - Seven hills television.

Thank you very much.

And don't forget. Look right there.

Be sexy, smooth, exciting, sensual!

You're the black panther of seven hills television, rawr!

- Rawr! - That's it!

Here's the letter.

Do it well, eh? Precious...

Ok, let's roll!

"Private Salvatore trulli, infantry battalion...

Cecchignola, Rome."

Your letter has touched me deeply...

Especially one part I can't read

without blushing.

Look...

You must promise me not to write such naughty things!

You say you want a kiss?

Here you go, I'm sending you one!

Picchio!

Excuse me, ma'am, are you the woman...

What's the matter, don't you know me? You call me ma'am?

No, I know you, but I...

I've had amnesia for the last month.

Where have you been? Why haven't you called me?

I was in the hospital.

I had some sleep therapy, and got released today.

I'm in good shape, really well, and you?

- And you? - Me?

I work here, I've got a contract.

I have my own show and I make plenty.

That's great. I can't complain either.

You want to go have a coffee?

No, no, I live alone.

He's married. But we love each other.

- He? Who? - Emilio, don't you remember?

- You were good friends. - Yes, yes I remember.

A great guy.

And your son? Have you seen him again?

What son?

I dunno, I only met him once.

We had dinner at his house.

- Oh yeah. - Sure, the rancid eggrolls dinner.

- Yes, that's right. - Have you seen him?

No, I told you it's been 15 years since I've seen him.

And what do you do now?

Would you like to go out to eat with me on Sunday?

No, Sunday I can't. I have to go to...

To turin. I'm starting a company.

That famous comic director proposed me...

In short: I'm there to support him. He pays well.

If you need anything, you can call me.

Me? You rather. Do you need money?

Please...

Well, if you could give me a little money for the train...

Just like 20,000. - Of course.

Or even less.

What about your car? Don't you have it?

Yes, I have it. I just don't remember where I left it.

Here.

50,000... it's too much.

- C'mon! - I'll pay you back as soon as possible.

Don't worry about it.

We had good times together...

Do you remember the three days we spent in Capri?

Yes, we had fun.

Sorry, but I have to go.

Leave it, please, let me pay.

You're going to pay with a 50,000 note?

- Picchio! - Hello.

- Who is he? - It's Emilio.

- Oh yes, Emilio. - Shall we go, Renata?

Bye.

Hope to see you again.

Goodbye, picchio.

Renata...

That was her name...

Renata...

Hey, don't you see I'm standing here?

Hey! Picchio!

- You are'... - Trottolino!

- Trottolino... - What are you doing here in Milan?

I'm going to turin. I'm starting a company.

I'll debut at the alfieri with a new soubrette...

What's her name... The one on TV...

I can't remember, but it doesn't matter...

- Where are you going? - To Rome,

you know, my son is a lawyer, and I modestly

have a degree in law, he wants me to stay with him.

At this point in my life, I've had all the satisfaction I need from the theatre.

What am I to do here, in Milan?

- Goodbye and good luck! - I'm off, thanks and same to you!

Picchio!

I thought you were going to Rome to your son the lawyer.

And you to turin to start a company.