Original subtitles

Commander, system is fucking activated, Sir.

- 3 to1 North. - Pressure is fucking stable, Sir.

- Fucking landing. - High one, high one.

- Cabin crew, cross check. - Copy that!

As we should be landing shortly make sure that...

...your tray table is locked and your chair is in the upright position.

- Artistic points are - 5.6, 5.8.

556. com.

What are the fucking coordinates?

Commander Logar, they're speaking English.

Can we have it in Turkish from the start?

Sure thing!

l'd believe it if it were possible however, this is no good.

What's no good, man?

Look dear, l've been a publisher for 12 years now.

l've never seen such a nonsense.

Are you listening?

Forget about publishing, this is a UFO, something l've witnessed.

l've seen this, shouldn't l have taken a picture?

Besides, l have a friend who made love to an alien, l'll bring him to you.

Bring him, the other one too. We'll create some synergy here.

-But these are fake. -Hake?

Fake man fake... Phony.

lt says here K�tahya Porcelain. Look.

Well, l shot this in K�tahya. There's nothing wrong with it.

ldiot. Why are you using a magnifier?

l've been on the road for ten hours.

Which way are you going, son?

Hah! Just what l needed! l'm going a long way pops. Move on.

-Give me a lift to... -To where?

-Aren't you going this way? -Alright, hop in.

Close the door...

-What's in the can? -Pickles.

Let me turn it like this so it won't fly away. lt's a cabrio after all.

You're well informed.

Would you mind if l played some music?

-What kind of music? -What?

-What kind of music? -You are something...

l don't like foreign music. They might be swearing at my mom. How shall l know?

-How old is your mother? -My mom is alive and healthy at 93.

Fine. This band is very young, so they wouldn't know your mother, don't worry.

Oh boy! Look at that view!

-Get out! -What's up son? l hope nothing's wrong.

Get out. Stop talking.

Move.

Turn towards me.

Raise your arm. We're gonna lose the light.

You talk too much. Do something useful for a change.

-Shall l turn it like this? -No, just hold your arm straight!

lnnocent villager sees a UFO. You're the man!

Our esteemed Japanese guests...

...this is a really historical place. Translate.

Yes, but...

Please, these are very sensitive, newly painted.

What's he saying?

He wants you to talk about the pictures.

What's there to talk about? They're pictures after all.

Let's lead them to my carpet shop.

What's he saying?

My group is getting annoyed.

-Well, don't translate everything. -How could l possibly not?

Translate this then: Apple pie and tart make me fart hard.

You are really killing tourism!

Cut it short.

Now we're going straight to my shop.

We'll have a look at the carpets. My shop is right nearby.

We'll get out...

Chill out, man!

Tourist or not, l'll smack you one on the eye.

What's this talk you rude bastard!

Lay down and l'll show you what's really rude.

Dumb ass!

Don't make me go Ninja on you!

Don't make me go Ninja on you!

What's this, are you acting up? You clown, come on.

Stop hitting! Give me my glasses.

You'll achieve nothing by yelling in Japanese. Bastards!

They make videos at home and come over...

...to tour the country! Bastards! And then we'll have a tourism boom.

That's some boom!

Arif.

Treasury officials asked for you. What's up?

l was to receive a commendation from the ministry. Are they gone?

Yeah. Hold on a minute.

Look at this stuff. How is it?

This should be painted in grey. There's no name on it, right?

-No. -Boss?

English customers are asking for you.

Good. Come over some time, we'll create some synergy.

-What synergy, dude? -Boss, the English...

Has Prince Charles popped up? What's the big deal?

Hello.

Hello. My wife and l would like to see some precious carpets of yours.

Well, of course!

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

- So, you're speaking English. - Speaking English?

l live in English. lt's not only language to me.

Totally best way of expressing my own. You know, sometimes...

...l'm dreaming of a world, all people understanding each other perfect.

Yes, l have a dream. lmagine all the people dancing and...

...touching each other. Communicate in a joyful harmony.

Order tea. Don't stare like an ox.

- Tea? - No, thanks.

Fuck it, order anyway.

- Carpets, right? - Yes, big ones.

Big ones. l have a lot of styles and dimensions.

First of all, this one. Totally silk, flying carpet. Be careful.

-No. -This one's crappy.

This one is cheap, believe me. But that one.

What are you going to say about this?

This one is also flying. Be careful. What do you think?

What do you think my dear?

Don't ask the chick. Why are you asking her?

Let me ask you something. Are you interested in space stuff?

UFO photos, UFO?

lnteresting. Be careful.

What do you think?

- UFO? - No.

Lady?

- Just carpets. - Carpet.

Nuri!

Look.

This carpet here...

...has an authentic design and is very valuable.

This pattern is called ''Hand on the waist''. Trust me on this...

...the kid who wove this went blind.

The price is $5000, including surgery.

What did you give me to drink?

Arif lsik. December, 8th, 1968.

You have been abducted by the Goran Military lmport Unit.

-Excuse me? -Go on.

From now on you are property of the Goran Union.

-Transportal initiative transport-- -What are you talking about, lady?

My dear Earthling, l think you don't get it. You've been abducted!

Get out of here man. The outfit is fine...

...but we did these jokes when we were kids.

Nice idea, nice location but you can't fool me.

-What's going on, Cheeba? -Unbelievable. l guess he's in shock.

Really? Are the force shields active?

Sure they are. You don't give up, do you?

He'll recover in the cell. Take him away.

Dude, listen! Don't get on my nerves.

lt's no good with lights and all. Are you going to buy the rug or not?

Plackumates, take him to his cell.

Bugger off! Tufan, is that you, dog? Take off your glasses!

Take him away!

What was the technique?

Put a little effort into it, man!

Step back!

-Calm down. -Shut up!

You freaked out, ha?

What now?

Are you going to kill us with a flashlight?

Flashlight?

Oh shit...

Get this trash out of here!

Don't let me see you fraternizing with prisoners again.

Get back to work.

-Engage MFD drives. -Engaged.

-Open the parallel port. -Open.

-ls the joystick connected? -Yes.

-ls targeting stabilized? -Ready.

Lieutenant Zurka, lower all shields.

Right away, sir.

What's going on there?

A Colombian is causing trouble.

Why do you cause trouble you worthless Earthling? Search him!

Powdered sugar, huh?

Get him out of here. Send this to the kitchen.

Commander Logar, the cargo is ready.

The numbers?

20 Americans, 5 of them black.

5 Japanese, one Colombian, 1 Danish, 3 lndian.

-Fine... -And one Turk.

One day all Earthlings will work under my command like dogs, Kuna.

We'll gather all of them.

Those days will come to pass, sir. Commander Logar...

Why do you hate Earthlings so much?

Why?! Why?!

This is a hatred, Kuna. A hatred l may never be able to overcome.

Years ago, something which happened to my grandfather Commander Kubar...

has affected me so greatly, that l can't seem to shake my taste for vengeance.

Earthlings make me sick...

July 14th, 1789- AKSARAY

What we do to these uncivilized monkeys can never be enough, Kuna.

Commander Logar. An object is approaching.

Who are you?

Get out, out!

Come on, come on. Get a signal.

You were supposed to have coverage everywhere. Come on!

Hello?

Hello, Muhittin, This is Arif.

Bring in everybody, even the US President.

l've been abducted by aliens.

What? Yes, by them.

Stop that! Arif, cut the crap, where are you? What are you doing?

Muhittin, this is not a joke. Aliens, l said. l'm in a spaceship.

-What ship? -Muhittin, speak up.

Go to the police, to the station. Hello!

The signal is breaking up. Call me back.

He must be drunk or what.

Hello, Muhittin, Muhittin. lt's no joke. l'm telling you, aliens!

Oh merciful and most gracious...

-Do not fear. -You don't say!

My God, what kind of a test are you putting me through?

Listen carefully. The Force is inside you.

Don't lose control. You'll get away and find me.

Who are you? l can't even tell if you're a genie or a human.

Damn!

Damn!

Stop it. Listen, you're the chosen one.

Find me when you land on Gora. Got it?

Find me.

Daddyo, did you run out of chosen ones?

-Who are you? What's going on? -The signal is fading, find me.

The phone has no signal, the dude has no signal.

What's a chosen one? l left the shop unattended.

Arif, you shit for brains!

Prisoner, turn around.

Want me to lay down naked too? What are you talking about, man?

Don't cause trouble, turn around.

OK!

Look, pal, l know my way around.

You look like a nice person, take this, there has been a misunderstanding...

...let's forget it. l want good treatment.

l'm Arif. Take this and say, ''Mr Arif wants some olives...

...a loaf of bread, some cheese and toilet paper.

Come on, take it!

Whoa! There are families who live a whole month on that money!

Could you get at least a charger for my mobile?

Yo, man in black!

ls the ship drifting a little to the left, Kuna?

-Which ship, dude? -Dude?

Commander Logar, an object is approaching, Sir.

That's our planet, moron! Who are you?

Get out, out!

l want a nice landing, Kuna.

Whoa!

-Prisoner, come with me. -Out! Out!

Alright, l'm coming. Get out. Please!

Listen, if you tell anyone what you saw back there...

...we'll be on real bail terms. Got it? That's a human urge.

Those bastards have abducted the whole world.

The ship has landed. Anyone stepping out of line...

...or over reacting will be severely punished.

l don't speak German.

l don't speak German, OK?

He has stunned the guy. lt doesn't kill, it only stuns.

That's a stunner, they've used it on me too.

Hello, hang up, l'll call you. l can't talk right now.

-Get back in line! -Don't get so anal about everything!

Get back in line here, he's putting the blame on me!

Move on a little.

-Commander Logar. -Superior Tocha.

Welcome.

My respects, Mulu.

Welcome.

You've gathered the whole world again. Didn't you have enough slaves, Logar?

What happened to your face Rendroy?

-What's with my face? -That's what l mean. What?

Superior Tocha.

Allow me to present you some presents l brought from the Earth.

Kuna!

This is yours, sir. Pish...

Pishmaniye. Cotton candy from zmit.

Here you are.

-Mulu. -You're kind as usual, Logar.

Vunar, this is for you.

Enverina, we lost your present on the ship.

We didn't notice.

And this is yours Rendroy, it's supposed to bring fertility.

You're very kind, Logar. Keep this, l have three from birth.

Your daughter Ceku is not here to welcome me.

-Yes, she doesn't feel well. -Really?

Let's go.

What time is it, pal?

That idiot, Superior Tocha is 420 years old, Kuna.

He should give way to the young.

Ceku didn't come to meet you, she shows no interest, huh?

She's going to. Let's see what she's done while we were away.

-Get me 216. -Yes, sir.

Hi, brother.

Hello.

You two, come over.

Us?

Space has always been the unknown to me.

The movies, science-fiction novels. Arthur C. Clarke. Chariots of the Gods.

l can't believe l'm here. Space Odyssey.

-ldiot. -ldiot.

Next.

You've turned this place into a government office. ''Go here, no there.''

Greetings, shall l sit or stand?

-Tell us. -Tell us.

l'll tell. We bought the goods from Black Faik.

We reloaded the truck in Karab�k.

l was driving the truck till Adana.

-What are you talking about? -And you?!

You've abducted me, you'll do the talking.

l'm confused anyway.

-Aggressive. -Aggressive.

Yeah, aggressive.

ls that it?

Commander Logar?

216, come on, fill me in.

-She missed you a lot. -Really? That much, huh?

Well, she kept on saying your name.

Let me see.

Logar, you ...!

Good. Did she mention marriage?

l saw her preparing her dowry.

-ls she in her room? -Yes.

Great. Take this my boy. l brought it for you from Earth, you'll be friends.

Thank you very much Commander Logar.

l have the batteries. Come to me when you want to play, alright?

Concentrate on your work now.

ls the beautiful Ceku thinking about me?

No.

l've come a long way. No welcome?

From slave gathering?

Yoga didn't do you any good, you're tense.

l've brought you a present from Earth.

Really? What is it?

World peace.

An authentic carpet, the kid who made this went blind. A valuable piece.

l don't want any presents from you, Logar, why don't you leave me alone?

Aren't you the most beautiful girl on Gora?

-Because of my father? -What?

-Will you please leave me alone? -But the present...

l don't like carpets, Logar.

Don't insult me in front of my troops.

lt's highly decorative, enjoy it.

Nice stuff, l should get one too.

All prisoners should shower within 3 minutes and go to the dining hall.

l'm sure they'll give us little pills instead of food.

You're drawing too much attention, stop that.

-Do not fear. -Dude, you're crossing the line here.

Brace yourself. Don't go with the flow.

Find me. My name is Garavel. Find me!

Goodness gracious. Forgive my sins.

l almost got taken, covered in soap.

l'm never picky when it comes to food.

Eat food, evade beating. That's the motto. Pour it in.

Can l have more sauce?

That's your share. Move on.

Just a minute, weren't you the man who distributed soap?

-Cut it short, move on. -Are you Turkish, buddy?

Get moving.

Everybody speaks Turkish, l don't understand who is a Turk and who's not.

Get a load of that pimp, as if he's at the beach.

Hello.

God Almighty, save me from this place before l kill someone.

ls this place taken?

We have to escape.

Together, what do you say?

l chose you because you're different.

First of all, you're Japanese, you're smart.

lf we combine our efforts we can make it back to Earth.

-What do you say, Samurai? -Samurai?

-Yes. -Our efforts?

-Don't let on. -Together?

Combined.

Our efforts?

Cut it short. Let's get to know each other, l'm Arif.

And l'm Mehmet, from Zeytinburnu.

l work in a leather factory in Kazl�esme.

Leather jackets or shoes and such?

Thanks.

From there.

From there.

Step aside.

ls this rose for me?

Yes, dear.

What's your point in sending this?

To get close and nice. To socialize.

You mean to create a synergy against the aliens?

Don't get mad, come over here. Sit.

You are something. A real Cosby Show!

Americans have a saying, do you know it?

What's that?

Shut up, stop being a jerk!

Smarten up, act like Earthlings!

Be worthy of our planet!

Low class jerks! Let me go, don't stress me out man!

-Superior Tocha. -Welcome, Logar.

You can't possibly know how l envy you.

You're like my own children, you'll lead Gora into better days.

Thanks.

l've grown old. l intend to marry my daughter to a young Goran...

...and transfer all my authority to him. What do you think?

A classical but perfect idea, Sir.

l wanted to talk to you about this matter.

For Gora's future l have Vumar's son Timar in mind. How's that?

-Vumar's son Timar? -But, Sir...

Vumar's son Timar is...

God knows what they say about me.

l put forward myself for this noble duty.

-Your daughter and l are in love. -She's burning with love.

-She never mentioned anything. -That she's burning?

l wanted you to hear it from me. l'd be honored to be your son-in-law.

l don't believe in love, Logar.

Vumar's son Timar is a great hero for the Gorans.

l rather entrust Gora's future...

...to a hero, instead of a lover.

Really?

-Commander Logar! -Yes, my dear.

-An object is closing in, Sir. -Who's this?

Excuse me. Who are you?

Get out! Out! Out!

Out...

See you later, Superior Tocha.

Good bye.

Arif, buddy?

Yes?

We did you wrong today. Forgive us.

lt's alright, forget it.

We're in space, everybody is confused. lt's not a big deal.

-ls everything fine now? -Sure, man.

You do that guy one more wrong and you'll get a feel of this.

You are really a phenomenon, always up to something.

Was this your bed? Sorry, pal.

Sit down. Here, you left these in the examination room.

l really appreciate it.

Let's get acquainted.

Arif lsik. All sorts of carpets, kilim, travel.

-Here. -Fine. l'm Bob Marley Faruk.

-Are you Turkish, Bob Marley? -Yes.

Great. Have one.

-l don't smoke. -Really?

-Can you give me that one there? -This one?

-Here. -Thanks.

-How long have you been here, Bob? -8 years.

Holy sh...what was that?

l'm sorry.

8 years? l wouldn't stay here 8 minutes.

You've disappointed me.

l had a bar in Kusadas. There was great music, reggae.

-But it didn't fly? -Nope.

l was in debt up to my ears.

The creditors came to kill me. So l tied a rock on my neck.

l was about to jump from the jetty...

...and bang, l was in a spaceship.

Then a completely different world, would you return?

Well...

Let's suppose l did return. The creditors arrive:

''Where have you been Bob?''

''l was abducted by aliens and so on.'' Would they buy it?

-They wouldn't. -Nope.

Then there's the media.

You're making the headlines each day, 'The Man Abducted by Aliens''

-This seems to rub you wrong. -You got that right.

l have nothing against space but the attitude is wrong.

You expect something more civilized when you think of aliens.

-You're a prisoner here -So?

Don't make me mad. You're a prisoner. l'm comfortable.

That's because l work in the kitchen.

lf l were in the quarries... They work you to death there.

They implant a chip and you walk around like a monkey.

What's this man, quarry, chips..? ls this being alien or human?

lf you'd like l can get you a work in the kitchen too?

What kitchen, pal? ls there no way out of here?

-You have to find a ship. -Easy. What's a space ship, anyway?

Alright, calm down, have patience.

These are the final finishes. lt's finished, here.

-ls this some kind of a joke? -Of course it is.

l mean it's impossible to get away.

Quit saying that. There's gotta be a way.

Excuse me Bob but you seem to be a little oblivious to sci-fi.

l'm oblivious to sci-fi? l'm oblivious, huh?

You don't know who you're talking to, so you talk nonsense.

What's your point?

l was the first Turk to write a science fiction scenario.

You said you had a bar.

That was after l got fed up with the movie business.

So you got fed up with the movies?

lt was years ago.

ln the last days of the sex movies.

l was looking for something new in movies.

-September 12th, 1980 -No, sir, impossible.

My name is Ersan Kuneri, l'm no porno producer.

l said they'll make love in underwear. Of course.

The cook, the servant, the gardener. All of them. lt takes place at a mansion.

The cook does the gardener, the gardener the driver, the driver, servant.

Yes, get it printed, l'll send a poster immediately.

The title is ''Group Discount''.

Stand straight,

Raise your chin.

Good.

Yes.

This, this, this.

Who are you? Get out, out!

Be yourself, don't imitate anyone!

Mr Ersan. Should Faruk come in?

Keep him waiting. Wait a second.

This, this. Do you have blue underwear?

-Yes. -Write down, brings his own underwear.

You, from Tophane, l want you to make love like an animal, not human.

-Like a beast ! -Always.

Alright then, the movie's name is, ''Jackhammer.'' Beat it.

Send Faruk in.

Mr Faruk.

Hi, Mr Ersan.

l see a tank outside. Was there a parade today?

Nothing important. l have great ideas.

A fresh approach in movies, science fiction. What do you say?

Science? Give me that.

Americans are into this thing, there's lot of money in this.

Any sex?

No, it's about a robot's adventures.

The title is ''6 Million Dollar Man.'' How's that?

6 million? Do you want to ruin me?

Foreign currency is prohibited.

We could change the title.

-Like? -Lunar Lust. How's that?

lt can't be on the moon. We have to shoot in one week.

We'll do it. A robot falls in love with an astronaut.

Nice... Lunar Lust. Nice.

Could l have an advance, l'll scout for a location.

Let's celebrate this. l have Kent, Marlboro.

Mr Ersan, the police is here.

They want to entertain you for possessing foreign cigarettes.

That's not entertain, that's detain. Let's go.

There's no escape from law.

Ersan...The film. Science-fiction. What now?

That film is not going to happen.

Let's go to bed now. Don't ever mention science-fiction to me again.

Thanks. They bring me everything from Earth.

Hey, whoa! Slice it carefully!

These guys have chips, half of their brain is gone.

Hand it over, let me do that.

Come on, you've wasted it.

But the guys are okay.

So it seems. You have it nice going here but please think about...

...this escape business.

Cut the crap and let me tell you how to escape.

Yeah.

First try the ventilation shafts from the kitchen.

-Ventilation? -Yes.

Did you all run away too?

Whoa, don't cut in here. So you think you're smart, huh?

Why smart, man? l came to get food.

And there's another thing, that could do.

What's it? Tell me?

Close it.

Close it.

You are way too curious. l'm out of here.

Can we flee right through there, buddy?

Why do you take off the helmet?

lf that doesn't work, there's molecular transportation.

-No wonder. What's that? -Beaming, you know.

Do l know? lf there's beaming l'll be directly at home.

Beaming is a risky business, you have to enter the exact coordinates.

l'm willing to risk it. l have to get out of here.

lt's impossible to flee. You don't get it, do you?

Sorry, Bob but...

...you call yourself Bob Marley but have no hint about the philosophy behind it.

Just wearing that cap is not enough.

And what is that philosophy?

Get me a stick and a piece of cloth.

l'll show you beaming...

You'll see... You know nothing about Arif yet.

Don't lose hope. The Force is inside you.

Yeah, right! lnside. Just appear in light, no help at all.

Just show off, bastard!

l'll show you all, you bastards....

Beaming, yeah? Beaming. There we are.

What are you doing here?

l don't have bucket, if l had one l could do something.

What do you mean?

Commander Logar instructed me to clean this place.

Move!

Why then? You've turned the planet into a shithole.

Behave like women for a change and clean this place.

What are you doing here?

Ma'am, l beg you, just let me wipe off the dust of the beaming room.

Move.

Some guy came and said ''The prisoner shall wipe the dust of that place.''

l swear. He said ''No beaming, only dust.''

Don't squeeze my arm. He only said cleaning.

Damn you all...

To hell with such a beaming...

Leave me alone!

Oh, l'm exhausted. Sometimes l forget that you're a robot.

Come on, l'm useless as a robot now.

l go wild when l'm with you, otherwise l have direct robot logic.

The music was fantastic.

Wasn't it? l've downloaded 3000 of them from the lnternet.

Look, what l have.

Oh, l don't believe it. A Turkish movie where the girl goes blind.

No, in this movie the boy goes blind.

Why don't they use microlaser on the girl's cornea, in that movie?

Come on Ceku, is that the way to watch movies?

Just look at the emotions. The sacrifice of the boy, his kiss in the final scene.

Let's play ''Kiss like the Earthlings''.

No, my circuits still waggle from the dance.

Come on, please.

Okay, okay.

-The Earthlings are fun, aren't they? -With their music, dance and everything.

-Will you tell my fortune? -ls it cold now?

Move a little.

-You know l don't do this for everyone. -l know.

-Promise in God's name. -Come on.

Let's see. There's someone.

-Really? -Oh, that's me.

-Come on, tell something. -Be quiet.

Look, in the near future. Do you see, all in black.

With long hair. Could that be Logar?

-Yuck! ln my fortune? -l see a wedding.

There's someone else. He's a little chubby, very straight words.

He has lots of people around him. He will do you a favor.

Don't forget, the letter R is in his name or surname. Don't forget.

Rinse this out.

He asked about you the minute he arrived.

What did you say?

l talked very directly. l said ''You have other things on your mind.''

''Don't push her.'' l said. ''She's not willing, so why do you push her?''

''Nothing good comes from force, it will cause bigger problems...

...in the future.'' l said. But he wouldn't listen.

Are you an oracle?

Commander Logar?

Commander Logar, l was only joking.

Take this battery powered doll away.

Put him together with those dogs from Earth.

You scum, he was my best friend.

You force me to be evil, do you understand?

l love you, l'm jealous of you. Be it a robot or even my father.

So, you love me?

l want this, can you do it?

216!

Disgusting Earth customs.

The prisoners to be implanted a chip today are:

Jack Bailey.

Chris Lover.

Guenter Westinghouse.

Jos� Gabriel Estevez.

Will U. Marry Mee.

Akimi Noname.

The Japanese guy is gone too.

l see no rebellion here.

We won't get anywhere just with my resistance.

-Black won't move there. -Really?!

But you moved the white bishop here...

Now start with black-white in front of this guy.

Give me 5, Julio. Let's start again, that paging has confused me.

l'm confused. lf only we had a camera.

l'd take pictures of this place. Would be a super document on Earth.

Let me go, man!

There's another one. Welcome to the circus.

Get a load of that guy.

Don't leave me here, don't leave me with them!

Don't cry, we experienced the same.

Don't shout, you're drawing too much attention.

He's a robot.

Take him with you to the kitchen, he'll make a nice kitchen robot.

Don't cause trouble. He's a robot, an android.

Really? Hi, Robot.

Hi.

Are you a robot?

Yes.

So, what are you doing here?

Commander Logar has punished me.

Commander Logar? l'm going to kick his butt.

Here, have one. What's your name?

216.

216? What's that?

Updated model of 215. 2. Generation, 16th segment, improvable intelligence.

And high mobility, 7 hours audio and video recording.

Audio recording? Does that mean that you can receive from anywhere?

What kind of a talk is that?

Well, what else should l ask a robot?

Would you like a drink? Are you hungry?

Such a pity... He's a prisoner, like us.

A robot, but still miserable. Does this thing come out?

l'm totally detachable.

Really? That's sad, man.

Hey, folks. Why don't you say welcome? The guy's crying.

-Welcome, pal. -Welcome.

Maybe he's programmed to cry.

This is so sad, look at him.

l'm Faruk, Bob Marley Faruk.

Hi.

Can you shoot pictures as well?

Excuse me?

Never mind. Say welcome, people.

Don't discriminate. Robot or not, everyone's equal.

-Welcome. l'm Arif.. -Hi, 216.

Do l eat red meat?

l'm sorry, sir.

Why aren't you eating, Ceku?

l have no appetite.

l have some news which will revive your appetite.

Logar is dead?

My funny daughter.

You'll marry Vumar's son Timar.

Vumar's son Timar?

Yes, Timar. Moreover, Vumar's son Timar.

Logar said that you two were in love but...

l don't love Logar, nor any other Goran man.

l don't intend to marry.

We have a situation, we have to meet immediately.

What happened?

lt's very serious, we should go to the big hall.

lf it even comes close to our planet, it could extinct life on Gora.

What's going on Superior Tocha?

A big danger, Logar... A fireball.

A fire shaped ball or a ball shaped fire, right?

We decided to use the sacred stones.

Do you approve as the military wing?

ls there no other option? l think that the stones should be the last resort.

We have no choice.

lt's natural that l think different cause l'm a soldier.

l know very well how to send that fireball back to where it came from.

We don't doubt your courage, Logar but we have to try the sacred stones.

You know better, sir.

Bring the sacred stones.

So be it.

The manual is missing.

How does that feel, huh?

How come?

l guess this is the end.

We're doomed.

l want full authority, Superior Tocha.

-What can you do? -''What can you do?''

Give me one hour.

Logar, lo...

What are we going to do? Shall l get the ship ready?

Pull yourself together! Which ship? Be smart, come.

Are we going to sit and watch the fireball get closer?

lt's such a pity that the manual to the sacred stones is missing.

Sure is, isn't it?

What are you doing, Logar?

What do you think, you idiot?

Do you believe that my dad sent that fireball?

You are playing with fire.

Don't play word games with me, jackass!

Jackass?

There's no other way to get attention from that geezer Tocha and his girl.

l've set it up like a clock...

-You see this? -Yes.

l'll stop the fireball with this.

And that old fart is going to give his daughter to me. And Gora.

You're amazing, Logar.

Am l?

Notify that geezer about our conditions immediately.

Yes, sir.

We don't have much time.

Logar, be careful with that shot.

Am l being a handful?

Ceku, l can't believe it's you!

Your prediction came true, l'm getting married.

What?

With whom?

Everything's messed up. A fireball is approaching Gora, 216.

This could be our last meeting.

My father made a deal with Logar, if he can stop the fireball...

...l'll have to marry him. Either way l'm dead.

Don't talk nonsense!

-l miss you, 216. -Me too.

Visiting hours are over.

Please, don't be sad.

Don't forget me, 216.

Maybe he can't stop it.

''Maybe he can't stop it''?!

Turn that off. What's this crap?

Come on, brother.

-The guys are watching... -Don't you feel no shame at all?

Arif, Bob, you're all gonna die.

We're not living anyway. What happened?

Turn on the TV. A big fireball is approaching Gora..

The planet could go up in smoke in one hour.

-Let it burn. lt's the Gorans' concern. -We are on Gora, dude.

Yeah, right. Let's see what it is.

The approaching fireball is 10.000 vedon in diameter...

...and can wipe Gora off the celestial map.

The Goran Administrative Council stated that the manual of the sacred stones...

...is missing and therefore Commander Logar's...

...destruction system will be used.

This is The Fifth Element....

Since the meteor shower 4000 years ago...

This is The Fifth Element. Bruce Willis' movie.

There's this fireball and he places the sacred stones...

That's it. Bruce Willis, that short, bald fella...

The leaders of Gora and Commander Logar are in the Sacred Chamber.

Dear Gorans! l'm Commander Logar!

l'm always ready to sacrify my life for Gora!

Due to a big misfortune we can't use the sacred stones...

...but with this hyper optic vascular freezer that my engineers prepared...

...l will save you from this disaster...

Bullshit. First of all there's no such gadget...

He just needs to put the stones in their places.

Shut up Arif.

Hyper optic vascular freezer!

What?

We are all very tense and sad.

Now l'll stop this damned fireball and invite you all to my wedding.

-Watch out for your heads. -He's just boasting.

For Gora!

Just shake it a little bit.

Logar, are you playing with us?

l'm doing the best l can, sir.

-Did you play with its batteries? -Maybe it was left turned on?

Come on, come on.

He's not going to stop it. Robot, l have an idea.

Can you take me there?

-Try the ventilation. -l won't fall for that again!

Sacred Chamber. Come with me.

Don't panic, don't panic.

Shame on you!

-Perhaps a part fell off? -Which one?

lf we turn it off and on again it could get charged.

The fireball is coming, man!

So what? Did my father send it?

-Take off your glasses. -Here. So what?

-Commander Logar. -Yes, dear.

-An object is approaching, sir. -Who are you?

Get out! Out! Please, go!

Get out of my way, shorty!

Greetings, chiefs!

Who the hell are you? Get him!

Logar!

Shut up, blockhead. We know what you are.

Do you want to save your planet?

Who are you?

Whoopy Who. What difference does that make?

Bring the sacred stones. l know how to get rid of the fireball.

Are you an oracle?

What oracle, man... Captain, tell that schmuck to shut up.

lf he had some brain...

...he'd understood that those stones symbolize the 4 elements.

-Symbolize? -Yeah, sure.

The 4 elements of nature. Fire, water, earth, wood.

Wood?

Why, are you offended?

4 elements of nature...

Fire, earth and water is easy... Just get me some wood.

Wasn't it air?

l said elements of nature.

He could be right, sir.

This is a prisoner from Earth...

Are you going to trust him with Gora's future?

No, he'll trust you. Folks, don't piss me off, bring the stones.

Are you sure you can stop it?

Never mind that. l have a condition.

After l save the planet you'll release me and my friends.

Deal! Bring in the stones.

You brought this guy to Gora, right?

Forget it, may be he can't stop it.

''Can't stop it''? What did l just say?

We're done for.

Yes, 4 elements of nature.

10 minutes to impact.

Don't tense me out here...!

4 elements of nature...

Fire, water, earth, wood. Now get me some wood.

Would this do the job?

Here we go. Our first element.

Wood.

No, earth.

Our second element, wood.

Nope. Fire. Just a sec.

And our 3. element... Wood.

Listen, are you sure it's not air?

No, water. Just a minute!

He spat on the sacred stone!

What was l supposed to do, dig for water?

And our last element... wood!

No... lt's air. Someone said just air!

lt's not wood. Don't make up elements.

Air.

Well, we've learned and saw many elements.

Now, the trickiest part. You'll have do find me a girl.

l'll kiss her in the middle of 4 elements and the fireball will stop.

For example this girl.

What the hell are you saying, you moron?

The girl will come here! Otherwise l'll turn off the elements!

Father!

Superior Tocha, l won't allow this.

What's going through your mind Logar, shall we all die?

Folks, the fireball!

Let her do it. We'll take care of him later.

Come on or l'll turn it off.

Your name?

Ceku.

l'm Arif. Are you from around here?

Yes.

Are you in school? Which year?

Your dress is beautiful, are you princess?

Sort of.

l have to kiss you.

l know.

Shall l?

One minute to impact.

Just a minute. Actually...

Kissing a stranger, l don't know but maybe...

lt's strange but you know, the fireball...

Do you love your planet?

Yes.

l love my planet too. l love it very much but...

10... 9... 8...

7... 6... 5...

4... 3... 2... 1...

Enough of this nonsense! Plackumates, arrest him.

What for? l saved the planet.

Don't believe this trash!

You think you're smart, don't you earthling?